bad fucking week
The past few days have been fucked. Seriously fucked. Went on a school trip, got cut off and attacked by demons. Not the best way to spend a few days locked away with a few people you care about and the potential girlfriend.
Got thrown through a door, lost a lot of blood. Tripped over a motherfucking head. I've had better weeks. I wound up having to tell Nic about myself. I'd been putting it off, I know I was. I might have dragged that shit out forever for all I know. I kind of wanted to. Even knowing it was the right thing to do, I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. Only then I had to. It wasn't fun either. And I still don't know how she's reacting, beyond she hasn't disowned me yet. But maybe it was because we were in the middle of a crisis of life and death proportions and she couldn't think about it at all so she didn't. I think she did a little of that, anyways.
She patched me up. I don't know. I don't know what to do if anything. I doubt there's much I can do.
Then I get back and find out Dorian's in town. Again. Guess he found himself. Or, as he said, he figured out he wasn't finding himself out there wherever the fuck he was. I still say he was sobbing into his margarita somewhere. It wasn't the warmest of welcomes. I didn't really try to fight with him. I didn't. He probably thinks I did. He's staying at the fucking bookshop of all places. He says it isn't some bullshit reason like he doesn't want to intrude on me and Math's lives, but I don't know how much I believe that. I hate the idea of that. Makes me feel guilty. I mean, he sure as fuck didn't ask for me to get dropped on him by the parents. If anyone's life got intruded on it was him. He's more than entitled to return the favor. Besides, he's my brother. That's pretty much enough. We existed before in a house where we just ignored each other. Why couldn't we go back to that? It worked. Sort of. It could work again. Hell, I haven't talked to Math in a long time either. I think his attention's wandered. I was his focus for a while, but...I think he's got a new flavor of the week or whatever now. Not that I know who it is, or even if it's anyone.
I have a lot I could talk about. I guess I just don't want to initiate that. With Dorian, I tried to talk to him before. I tried when I was in the hospital. And all he wanted to do was whine to me about his bullshit girl problems. He didn't want anything to do with even listening. And Math, he's been good at listening when we do talk, but again, I feel like his attention's just not there right now. So if he can't be bothered to wonder what is up with me...maybe it's not important for him to know. I don't know. I think I'm getting more isolated.
It's probably self inflicted, that just doesn't make it feel any better.
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