breakdowns

[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Take To The Sky by Tori Amos ]

Dear diary,
That saying about when it rains it pours? Is stupid, but true, it seems. Like, everything was going very very well and then all of a sudden everything seemed to turn to crap. In the same day, both Joshua and Journey both needed me because bad things were happening to them. I'm really glad that I was there for both of them, and I'll continue to be, that's not a problem. But it just makes me sad that I can't seem to do more. I mean, being there is only so effective, you know? I'd like to be able to...well. Take some sort of action that might make everything okay. But I can't bring people back from the dead, and I can't give reassuring information that I don't have.

I need to know more things. About the...well. Weird stuff. Like what Joshua was saying, and Unc, and Michael. About the supernatural stuff. (God, I feel insane just writing that down and meaning it.) Oh, and speaking of the supernatural--Joshua's cursed too. So now the two most important boys in my life are cursed. What does that say about me? If anything. Do I collect cursed boys? Am I just meant to be stressed out on a nearly permanent basis forever because I totally won't be backing away from either of them, but erm...I'm normal. Normal with a side of a little damaged what with the hearing crap. It's not like I'm a lot of help with anything. Maybe I should look into curse-breaking or something. Maybe there's something I can do.

Oh come on who am I kidding here? What the hell, Lullaby. What do you think you're going to do? Like Unc wouldn't have already found something for Journey, or September wouldn't have scoured the earth to find something to break Joshua's curse. What could I possibly come up with that hadn't been found already, or at the very least tried? It's moronic of me to think I'd be able to randomly come up with the solution to everyone's troubles.

And yet I plan to try, I know that. So I'm lame, I can't not look. It's not in my nature. Neither is giving up. I want them to be safe and happy. Though when I'm writing that down and thinking about the both of them...they're not overwhelmingly depressed people. Journey's usually bouncing off the walls he's so upbeat. And Joshua...I know I keep gushing over how sweet he is but it's just true. He makes me feel good, and like I'm special to him. I feel appreciated. And sometimes he looks at me in a way that makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. (Someone shoot me, I'm so incredibly sappy...but I love it)

Okay, diary. Here's me vowing to come up with something to help. I don't know what it'll be? But I'm gonna find something. I am, damnit. Even if it's like...just coming up with ways to go around things. Stupid curses. They're going down, man. They're not allowed to mess with me and mine. And they're mine. (Shut up, I know how that sounded. Piss off, journal.)

Now to figure out how to do that. Come to me, internet. And I'll have to go around to the local book stores and see if any of them have anything like, serious about the subjects. I'll get on that tomorrow. Just as soon as I make sure Joshua and Journey are fine.