Definition of Prostitution
pros·ti·tu·tion
n.
1. The act or practice of engaging in sex acts for hire.
2. The act or an instance of offering or devoting one's talent to an unworthy use or cause.
You know, I didn't think it'd say that when I looked it up. I don't think 'pleasantly surprised' quite hits the mark. Or anything that involves 'pleasantly' at all, in fact. That still feels like what I'm doing right now. Technically not 1 - Chrissy'd be in for a hell of a surprise if she got that, now, wouldn't she? Don't think she factored kids into her little game. But I've got no wish to be a father, or to inflict a mother like that on children of this world.
I'd like to say I wouldn't go that far anyway, but - I don't know how far I'd go. If it came down to it. If necessary.
I'd die for her, I know I would. I've already fought for her. Why does this feel so much harder? All I have to do is go on some dates, some touching, maybe a kiss or two. Nothing that can't be done in public, nothing further than that. And yet, I still feel like I'm...
I think less of myself today than I did yesterday. Than I did last week. I told Chrissy I didn't care what other people thought of me and that's still true. But I care what I think of me and I have gone down in my estimation. No matter what the driving force behind my decision. I have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this. That if it makes a difference then it's worth it.
If I'd give up my life, surely my self-respect is a small price to pay?
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