Insanity

What am I doing? I've gone completely insane, but you know, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I have a job. I needed one, so I'm not going to complain. It's certainly not permanent. Just until I can save up enough to get myself somewhere else. I absolutely refuse to get sucked into staying here, especially by some guy. Especially some guy who could ditch town on a whim. It's just not going to happen. I have to just remind myself what happened the last time I began to trust anyone. I'm not completely closed off, I'm not one of those people. My issues are my own. My LIFE is my own and it wouldn't do me any good to have it all go into upheaval now. I just have to remind myself of what happened the last time...and before that.

I give Marquette about a month...maybe more depending on money. Maybe it's best if I just avoid Mathias for awhile. I don't like how I feel around him - not that it's a bad feeling per say, it's just not...it's not a good situation for me to be in. I let my guard down already and I only met him yesterday. That frustrates me. And I've known guys like him, and frankly, once they realize you're not going to fuck them, they ditch you anyway. No...not a good situation at all for me.

Avoidance is key. Although it's difficult given he's three doors down from me. Maybe I can switch rooms, or motels, or

Okay so maybe I'm overreacting. I'm a woman, for god's sake, not some angsty teenager. He knows where I stand, and I know where he stands and that's that. There's nothing wrong with getting to know someone. I have my limits of trust, as I'm sure he does. If we understand each other, there's no problem.

I think I can handle it.

I can.