New People

I haven't written in five days. It's amazing the amount of things that can happen in five days. I've met some new people, all of which are interesting in their own way. Herbert...he was sweet. Genuine. Innocent, I think. He made me laugh. I hope he calls. Would be nice to get out of this hotel room. And I finally talked to Domino, who I work with at Mya's. Total player, but sweet...and extremely nice to look at. I met some random guy at Babylon, who then came into Mya's, and who, believe it or not, seemed to have more life issues than me! Alder something or other, I dont think he told me his last name. Not that it matters. He's constantly grouchy, but he was fun to annoy so I'm glad I met him. Sort of. I spent the tip he left me, but kept the quarter. It's amusing to look at. All temporary people, of course...but ones to file away in my mind when I leave again.

And a coyote! A coyote (or something) actually sat with me at the lake, like some lap dog. Which was strange...but better than anything else I've experienced since getting here. I think I might stay in Marquette awhile. I don't know how long but I've been thinking about it for the past few days and where am I going to get a job like the one I have at Babylon? Yeah, it's waitressing, but the tips are really great...and then there's Mya's and it's such a completely different atmosphere and it's like I have the best of both worlds...light and dark. Is that strange?

I haven't heard from Marcos. I'm starting to think he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Maybe he gave up on me a long time ago. I don't know. All I know is I'm done calling. If he wants to find me, he knows where I am, right? What else can I do? At this point...I don't know. I don't know. I can't think about this much anymore. This vacancy...inside...is getting bigger and I'm starting to feel it and I'm wondering if it's because I haven't chosen a Protected yet. It's painful and distracting. What the hell am I suppose to do? I haven't met anyone I want to get close enough to in order to make that decision. Not in Marquette. Not anywhere. I don't trust myself to make that kind of decision, to make that choice. I can't do it. I don't want too!

You know, fuck all! Why can't I use black magic to get rid of this thing? Oh yeah...according to Dorian, I could (and probably would) die. Maybe that's the way it should be at this point. And maybe I could find someone powerful enough to do it? Maybe not. I don't know. Dorian might not know everything. Or maybe he does. Maybe I should get a second opinion. From someone whose eyes don't turn violet in mid-conversation. And whose brother isn't an asshole...

See...I was in a good mood this morning, and at the beginning of this entry, and now I'm grouchy again and I just want to sleep but I don't feel sleep coming tonight. When's the last time I had a dream? A real dream? One that made no sense, or even one that did.

I just want to sleep.