people need to quit confusing me

You know, I thought that the height of confusion existed within and pinacled at Thom. He confuses me really bad, and moreso lately than like, in the last few years combined. Then I met Chance today, and he blows Thom out of the water in the confusion olympics. He took home the gold there, for sure. I have no idea what to think about it at all, I can't tell what's going on.

I can't tell if it seems like I'm being stalked, or if I'm just that paranoid. I think I am that paranoid, but I'm not sure that means I'm wrong. I don't know. I also don't know if that bothers me. What does bug is I don't know how to take him. I keep coming back to him being like everyone else, and at the same time, he...I dunno. This is stupid.

He got into a fight for me. Kinda. I guess it was for me. I don't know how to feel about that, because I don't get it. Kinda like all things Chance-related. I just don't understand, and he doesn't do a very good job explaining. He says he wants to get to know me. I can't figure out why, though. That's what's throwing me off. I don't get what the hell he's doing. Like, at all. Why the hell would he want to know me? Or for me to know him? Why does he think I'm interesting? I don't get the logic here, which makes me keep thinking I just haven't seen the trick yet. That it's really there, I'm just too dumb to see it yet. Like the rug's going to be pulled out from under me, it'll just take longer than usual this time because he's got the patience to pull it off.

I dunno, though. Sometimes he sounds sincere. But gah. I don't know! Boys are stupid. They need to quit confusing me so bad. All I want is to be left alone. Is that so much to ask? Seriously. I don't want to have to deal with someone else messing with my head just to mess with me. I'm tired of it. I've done it a lot in my time, and I don't wanna have to do it again.

I'm not sure what's scarier. Waiting for the trap to spring when I don't know which direction it's going to come from, or the possibility that he might be telling the truth.

Fuck it, I don't get anything right now, I'm going to bed.

Screw you, world.

No love,
Kaysen

Current Mood: baffled
Current Music: The Remedy by Abandon Pools