Scrawled Note

Submitted by tacithom on Sun, 01/20/2008 - 12:34.

with guitar

Things
to do today:-

Clean
the kitchen

Load
the dishwasher

Work
on that new riff

Ignore
Kaysen

See,
that last one shouldn’t even be on the list. 
I’ve successfully been doing that for years haven’t I?  So, why now? 
Why, exactly now?  Nothing
has changed, not really.  Kaysen is still
the nobody she’s always been, I’m still me. 
Damnit, if anything was going to happen…  It’s been two years since mom told me what I
was.  Since she told me that one day I’d
chose someone to protect and that when that happened I’d just know.  That it wouldn’t be a conscious decision.  Fine, if that’s the way it works, that’s the
way it works.

But I
at least expected it to be someone new – not someone
I’d known for most of my life. 

And
Kaysen already has Isaac looking out for her. 
Why does she need me as well? 

(Is it
bad that I actually have an answer for that? 
Without having to really think about it? 
Several of them , in fact.)

I
thought I had more brains than this.  I
thought I was a smart guy – hell, I’m near the top of my
year.  I know I’m smarter than
this.  And yet I’m facing the fact that I’m
quite possibly going to spend the rest of my life protecting someone who treats
me with total antipathy.

I knew
this would never be easy – I grasped the implications of
the curse as soon as mom explained it. 
It cast so much light on what probably happened between her and my
father.  But I never really gave much
thought to my protected.  I guess I always
thought I’d find a way to make it work.

I can’t
see a way with Kaysen.  She is probably
the least way-less person I could imagine.

Fuck.

I’m
screwed, I really am. 

Okay,
rational here.  Trace it back. 

Why?  Why her?

Okay – it was that party.  I know
it was.  Week before last.  Hell, I’d hardly really talked to her for
years before then.  And talking to her – I saw the world from her angle for just those few minutes.  The way people looked at her, acted towards
her.  Some of the things she said and the
way she behaved.  That had to have
been it.

Damn – it that all it took?

Screwed,
I tell you.  Maybe if I ignore it, it’ll
latch on to someone else.  Like
Jamie.  Jamie would be easier – at least we seem to kinda get on and I don’t face a wall of
hostility. 

Or
Isaac – looking out for Isaac would be a piece of
cake.  And we could keep the band together,
go on tour.  I could have my damn life!

Really
– anyone but Kaysen.

Shit.

And
now?  now I get to go burn this so that
someone doesn’t read it and I discover that the written word is taken as a form
of communication for the curse and drop dead.

Don’t
you just love my life?

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