Tired

I'm way too tired to write something proper. I know if I write everything jumbling about inside of my head, I'll read it later and see nothing but gibberish. I guess that's what happens when you work two jobs. Or run several blocks to your hotel room in a downpour. But it's getting me closer to having some cash to be able to pay back Antique girl, get my mother's ring back, and take off. I know now, that I need to just focus on that, more than anything. Getting out of Marquette.

There's entirely too many people in this town - weird, huh? Too many coincidences for them to be coincidences. My dadMarcos knows Aiden, Aiden knows Dorian, Dorian knows what I am now - which brings me to another important thought - what was I thinking telling him that? he's going to tell someone...why keep that a secret when it could benefit him? or someone else? he says he won't, but then again, he had violet eyes for about three seconds and he's probably not entirely human and how am I suppose to trust him?? Look at who his FAMILY is? oh, by the way, he's Mathias's brother. That's right. So have I effectively screwed myself over somehow? If I just hide at work, and keep to myself, maybe they'll all forget that I'm actually in town??

I'm content to be a simple diner/bar waitress who squirrels her tips away and keeps her bag packed, and her thumb ready to hitch a ride. I need to do what's best for myself. I always have and there's no reason to change that now.

Especially now. Mathias was right. Avoidance is key. I ignored him really well last night. What do I care if he drinks himself stupid? He was just another customer, just like all the others. Sure, I kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't planning on driving home. It would be irresponsible of me to let him drive, right? But, no, I think he was perfectly fine, and no doubt sober. Sober enough to go off to someplace more private with my boss, who's sexy, and beautiful, by the way and doesn't know the meaning of personal space. He didn't seem to mind that, though, considering his placement of his hands and how long he was with her, and the way he looked when he came out...thankfully I was leaving by that point. I didn't want to deal with him. I don't want to again.

see? I'm getting off track from what I initially sat down to write. Blame it on exhaustion, or whatever it is I'm feeling right now. I'm tired. I can't sleep. I haven't slept in three days. I can't concentrate that well anymore and there's something bouncing around inside of my head - I'm restless again. It's like I have something important to do - but I can't remember what it is.

All I know is if Mathias wants me to leave him alone, he's got it. He made it easy tonight...not like other guys my ass. What a load of bullshit. I shouldn't be surprised - I was the idiot who fell for it. This is why I don't let people in. I should have known better, but I couldn't help it. I'm more disappointed in myself. He can do whatever he wants. Whoever he wants. So can I (if I wanted...). I don't care. It's none of my business and I'm keeping it that way. I don't need to feel like this when I barely know him. He doesn't know me. Yes, I think it's going to be much easier now, to ignore him. And if it's not, I have the mental image of those two wandering away together to remind myself that I don't need that kind of tired out drama.

Not me.

Mathias, who?

See how simple that was? I know this entry is making no sense. Maybe I just need a hot shower and dry clothes. I'll try that and see if that makes any of this better. Somehow I doubt it.