Two roads diverged. Which one do I take?

Okay... so I'm calling like... all of you guys for help. I know I suck and I shouldn't be asking for a favor that really doesn't go with the family, our traditions, our values... but I need some help and I want you guys to guide me.

I know I don't love Jessalyn. I'm not dumb enough to believe a couple of dates and some awesome kissing is leading me to my soulmate, but I don't want to rule it out. I don't want to write her off because she's not a dreamweaver. I don't want to push her aside and just be friends when things with her... they just click. It feels right. It feels like I've known her for way longer.

I feel pretty shitty for even bringing this to you guys, but somehow you always seem to help me. To make me feel better about a situation. to help me get through it. And I really need that now. Really, really need it. Am I making the right decision?

What if mom and dad find me a fiance and I gotta get married off as soon as I get out of high school? Do I really want to hurt whatever girl it is that I'm supposed to marry by saying no?

Do I have the guts to leave? To walk away and say no and that I don't want to get married? People don't get it. Arranged marriages in this day and age just don't fly. And explaining it? Yeah right. How do you explain an arranged marriage? 'So I'm gonna marry some chick my parents pick out for me'. That really goes over well.

And what about when I have kids? Do I really want to put them through what I'm going through now? Do I want them to think that I'm forcing them to do what I think is right? Do I want them to carry on the traditions only because of my wants and needs and not their own?

I just don't think it's right, but at the same time, I do. It's hard and I'm conflicted. Confused, unsure. I don't know what to think or say. I like Jessa. I do. A lot. And normally I wouldn't even try and date anyone because it's just been easier not to. To not put myself in the position to get involved or fall for someone or have someone fall for me but she's so sweet and funny and she doesn't mind that I'm a total space case. Would my future wife-to-be think the same? Would they even accept me the way that Jessa does? My head is always gone and I don't think that I could find another girl to just... be okay with it like she is.

And the werewolf thing... should I be freaking out more about it than I am? Is it wrong that I'm just like 'okay cool'? It doesn't bother me like... at all. And the whole mating for life thing doesn't have me freaking out yet either. I mean, personally, I'd rather mate for life with someone I love than be stuck with some girl that might not even like me.

God I'm losing my mind. I don't even know what to do. I'm freaking out and I've only been dating this girl officially like boyfriend girlfriend for a couple of hours. That's fucked up right? Then why does it feel so damn good when I'm with her?

Why does she make me rethink my whole life and everything about it? I mean my beliefs in you guys, in my ancestors and everything about my religion isn't a part of it, but the marriage thing? That is. I'd rather leave completely and not have to get married, than be forced into it. If I'm going to lose my family either way, have them move off and move on leaving me behind to start a family, then damn it, I want to start a family that I chose not one that got picked for me.

Does that make me a bad son? Does that mean that I'm ungrateful and disobedient? Will they hate me? Disown me? Does it even matter? What happens when the girl I end up marrying decides that I'm a complete freak and just fucking hauls ass or asks for a reassignment? Can they do that? Ask for divorce? Because if the girl can ask for a divorce I can guarantee she'll be ready to divorce before she even says 'I do'.

I don't want to be a disappointment. I don't want to have any reason for you guys to like look down on me and wish that I'd just done like the family wanted. Done like I'm supposed to do. But at the same time, I think that maybe you'd want me to have my own head, follow my heart. But what do you do when you're heart is conflicted?

Half of me says do what you're supposed to do. Be a good son, act like you need to act. Accept your fate and marry a dreamweaver, continue things the way that they're supposed to be, the way they've been for years.

Then the other half of me is telling me that I need to follow my heart, I need to be the kind of guy that knows what he wants and knows how to go after it, even if it might not be the thing that people want him to do.

But which side is right?

Hold onto tradition and end up with a girl that probably won't like me and have my family move on in a couple years to marry off the next kid...

or shun tradition, find a girl I really love and risk my family leaving anyway and disowning me in the process.

Would they disown me? Would they think me so terrible if I shunned the marriage card and set out on my own path?

What do I do?

I really need you're help. I'm begging for your help.

Make this a little more clear for me. Right now, everything is covered in a foggy mist and I don't know which path to take.