Alternative Methods Of Ending Fights

Who: Chance and Kaysen
When: Afternoonish
Where: Sugarloaf Mountain

It was a strange feeling, taking Kaysen out somewhere that was his house. And didn't include a movie. She'd suggested Sugarloaf, which he had been more than fine with, given he hadn't been around that area in nearly a year. But it also meant that they didn't have an hour and a half of silence while watching a flick in one of their respective homes. It meant more talking. Which meant the possibility of awkwardness, or Chance sticking his foot in his mouth for the thousandth time. And he couldn't help but wonder if this was more like a date. The thought itched along the back of his mind. It probably wasn't a date. In fact, he was pretty sure they were still sort of hedging the friend zone, so to make that leap so quickly into something more was impossible. At least with Kaysen. In fact, he wasn't sure they would ever be more than friends, but that was just his pessimism talking, overpowering and overwhelming his patience at the moment. He'd bite it back eventually because even though it had only been a short while since they had begun to hang out, he felt like he was making progress with her. Little by little. He wasn't about to give that up now.

Chance pulled up alongside her house, and clenched his fingers around the steering wheel while taking a deep breath. He didn't want to think about anything else today. He just wanted to have fun and pretend to be normal for awhile. Although, that was becoming increasingly difficult, especially given Kaysen's own fiery issues. She was just about as normal as he was right now.

Leaving the jeep running, he opened the door and shoved his hands into the pockets of his track jacket before wandering up her driveway. Punching the door bell, he silently hoped she would answer so they could just go. He wasn't really in the 'saying hello to the mom' mood, and definitely not the 'nodding in silent, grudging, greeting to Isaac' mood. He just wanted to see Kaysen.

Faced with waiting for Chance to show up, the flaws in her logic were becoming apparent. Because if they weren't watching a movie, then they were hanging out for a long time, and totally talking. Because what else were they going to do? Talking was what they'd have to do, unless they just walked up a million billion steps in silence, which would just be worse than usual. So! when she was waiting, she worked herself up into being pretty fucking nervous. However when the doorbell rang, she dashed for it, considering she wasn't in the mood for her mom or dad to deal with Chance either, or Isaac, who she was wondering if he'd even left his room today, or if she'd just missed it. She had plans to check in on him later, but she knew her ability to hold coherent conversation right now was probably at an alltime low.

She attempted not to bowl right into Chance, but lost her footing on the top step, and did so anyways. "Fuck!"

His relief at seeing Kaysen at the door was brief because before he could really think about it, she was falling from the top step into him. Quick reflexes had him pulling his hands from his jacket and catching her, arms instinctively slipping around her waist as he took a step back to balance them from toppling down onto her lawn. "Damn," he said with a small laugh. "I didn't realize you were that excited to see me...you okay?"

She made a face at him, and sorta got her balance (this mostly accomplished through her putting her hands up on his upper arms and pushing herself into a non-unbalanced position). "Yeah, just...stupid step." she muttered. It was a tiny bit belatedly that she realized she was standing there being like, hugged or something, and this of course caused her to panic, and he hopped back. Her face flushed a dull red. "Sorry." she muttered, suddenly finding her shoes the most fascinating things ever.

"The step should be apologizing," Chance said lightly, recognizing her uneasiness. He had enjoyed the few seconds he actually had to touch her, and he shoved his hands back into his pockets to keep them from reaching for her again. Because they were incredibly itchy to do so. "You ready to go?" he asked, motioning toward the still running jeep.

Kaysen nodded, and all but ran towards the jeep. Because escaping this situation right now was like, the best idea she'd ever had in her life. Therefore....flee!! Run away! Just like Monty Python. She got into the jeep, and shut the door, narrowing her eyes at the windows of the living room to see if either of her parents were looking out of it. She thought she could see her dad staring out, but he could have been looking for birds for all she knew.

Chance watched her hurry into the jeep. He merely lifted an eyebrow at her, and walked at a normal pace down the drive. Once he climbed in, he shut the door and shifted the jeep into drive, heading in the direction of Sugarloaf. He almost asked her if she was looking forward to school - a reflex almost, as it was a typical conversation starter for someone his age, but then he realized what a very bad idea that would be. Because she was probably dreading school. So he made a mental note not to bring it up. Instead, he shot her a small grin. "Finish that book yet?"

Kaysen would have been almost proud of him for dodging that bullet if she had known what had nearly come up, but as it was, she was blissfully unaware, and instead listened to what he said as she fiddled with the radio. "The Stand? Yeah, it's up in my room, I'll get it back to you like...later when we get back if you want. It was awesome. I'm glad that it didn't have the cheesy cop out ending of 'and they all lived happily ever after, repopulating the planet'."

"No, it's your book," Chance said quickly, almost sure she would have realized that by now. "I bought it for you, remember?" He watched her fingers on the radio for a moment before shifting his gaze back to the road ahead. "It had a sort of...happy ending. Hopeful, I guess, if you see it that way. It was realistic, that's what I liked about it."

"I liked the part where Stew and Tom watched movies." Kaysen answered, not finding anything she liked, so she started looking around to see if there were cds she could look through to hook up. "And um....thanks." she added, as that had sank in a little slower than everything else. Unexpected, and all of that. She supposed she had known that before, or wondered it, but had convinced herself that he was just loaning her things.

Instinctively he knew what she was doing, so Chance reached behind him, still watching the road, and grabbed his case of cds off the back seat before bringing it to the front and handing it to her. "Well, I sort of thought that's what we would do after the zombie apocalpyse...watch movies. You sort of need that break, you know? Saving the world is a fucking exhausting job."

"Yeah. Okay, so you're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, and you've got time to catch a flick while your traps systematically chop up zombies that get close to your stronghold. You've got your choice of anything you could find at Family Video. What do you watch?" she asked, flipping through the cds. She sort of forgot she was trying to find somethign for them to listen to, and became more interested in what he had. Like, what kind of stuff did he think was good? Besides our lady peace, that was. She knew that.

"Damn, that's a tough one," he replied, his mind starting to run through his favorite movies. "Goodfellas, Scarface...something violent, I think. Can't let your guard down around zombies, even if you're sure that your traps are damn near impossible to fail." He glanced at her again, noting her still flipping through the case. He had a variety of stuff, he knew. Where there was The Perishers, or Keane, there was Led Zeppelin, and maybe even Kayne West which he didn't think she had gotten to yet. "Are you scoring me on my music?"

"Yes, yes I am." Kaysen said nonchalantly as she kept flipping through. "I think if I was going to watch something in mid-apocalypse, I'd watch Monsters Inc. or something." she added thoughtfully, still turning through the selections. "I'm also wondering if you've got Fenix TX, cuz I kinda wanna listen to them right now." she added. "You're pretty okay so far, but you need a little more punk in your diet. And like, hard metal stuff. And moody triphop."

"I don't have Fenix TX," he admitted, wondering if that meant he was losing points again. He made a mental note to buy Fenix TX. Reaching up with one hand, he scratched the nape of his neck, and tried to think of something in there she might like. "Do you mean, like, hardcore punk? Or that pop punk shit? And, hey, I got Megadeath in there, unless you mean rougher shit, like death metal."

"Points for oldschool, I suppose." Kaysen decided, still flipping through. "I'm talking more like...hardcore punk. Not pop-punk, that's just bullshit on a stick. No, more like, Rancid or Op Ivy or something. Suicide Machines maybe. Or, going the harder stuff route, old Nine Inch Nails, or like...Sevendust, before the suck."

He was making notes of all the bands she was mentioning, though he did have Suicide Machines in his player at home. "I have Sevendust in there," Chance told her. "In the back. Animosity and Home, though do you consider those to be before or after the suck?" He couldn't help the grin that had begun to spread across his face. He didn't know why exactly, but it seemed she only got cuter when vocalizing her preferences in regards to music and movies. Maybe it was because she seemed to forget about the awkward shit between them, and she was being herself. At least, he hoped she was.

"Home was before the suck." Kaysen said, then flipped through until she found the album, and she popped it in. The first song she skipped to was Waffle, however, because it was her favorite. "It's just the later albums that really blow. The first one was good, after Home they started getting kinda weird and less focused on awesome." she added thoughtfully, then sat back in the seat again, looking through some of the rest of his collection. "I like a lot of soundtracks, too."

"Yeah, well, it seems when a band starts to get mainstream, they start sucking hardcore, because by then, it's all about the money. I thought Blink 182 was pretty kick ass when Dude Ranch came out? And then they released Enema and..." He made a face. "I fucking hated that album, and they like, got worse from there. At least in my opinion. But yeah, soundtracks I can dig. Artist compliations, and instrumental, actually. What's your favorite?"

"My favorite soundtrack like, ever?" she asked, blinking. "God. I don't know. The top three that come to mind are The Crow, cuz that was all good, especially Dead Souls, um...The Matrix, even if the other movies sucked, the music from the first was awesome, annnnddd....like, the second Underworld album--but dont even get me started on that huge piece of crap that was. I think I lost braincells and am much stupider now just for having seen it."

"You know, The Matrix had a shitload of potential and I think they just got lazy and had no fucking clue what they were doing with those last two movies. Really disappointing." Chance adjusted the seat belt against his chest, trying to keep his eyes on the road and not look at her too much. "The Crow was a good one...I actually like The Graduate soundtrack, and I'm not ashamed to admit that." Chance couldn't help it, and he looked over at her pointedly. "I knew you were cool when it came to movies and books...now I get to add music to that too."

She laughed at that. "Well, I'm awesome." she decided. "Of course I rock there too. What's even on the Graduate soundtrack? I've never heard it." Actually, she'd never seen The Graduate either, so she didn't have the movie in mind for reference. She felt she probably should have seen it, but she was blanking on even like, what year it came out, or who was in it or silly things like premise.

"You are awesome." And he said that with complete confidence. "Uh, lots of Simon and Garfunkel," Chance explained. His dad had played the album a lot when he was alive, and the music sort of stuck to Chance. "Actually, they're like, 90% of the album. The Sound of Silence. Mrs. Robinson?" He figured of all the pop culture references the movie created, she'd at least get that one. "It's not punk or metal, but it's good."

"I don't only listen to punk or metal." Kaysen said. "I listen to other stuff too, I just thought you needed more of those things." she said firmly. Then she for the first time glanced up to see how far they were. They were nearly there. Huh. She'd kind of missed leaving Marquette. Crazy. "Like...there's other stuff. I guess. I don't know what categories they fit under though."

"Never said you did. Fenix TX, Op Ivy, Rancid...I've got them all on my list for my next trip to the music store." Licking his lip, he tried to bite back the teasing smile, but couldn't quite keep it at bay. "Britney Spears would fall under bubblegum pop. And Beyonce would probably be mainstream hip hop."

"Operation Ivy, actually, if you just look for Op Ivy, you won't find it, and by the way it's blasphemy that you haven't heard them." Kaysen said. Then, at the Britney Spears and Beyonce comment, she scoffed, and backhanded his shoulder. "Jerk!" she accused. "No! I'm talking like....fuckin...Tv On The Radio and stuff!"

Operation Ivy, it was. He hadn't ever heard of them, but she'd hadn't listened to The Graduate soundytrack, so in his mind, they were even. Even if The Graduate had come out in the 60's. "What's that?" he asked jokingly, laughing a bit and leaning toward her as if he couldn't hear her. Which he could totally use as an excuse, given his right ear was completely deaf as it was. "What? Fergie and Hilary Duff?"

"Oh my gawd you suck!" Kaysen accused, smacking him again. "And how do you know all these chicks anyways? I think maybe you secretly lay in your bed late at night and listen to bubblegum pop, and sing along to it!" she decided to toss in there for good measure. "Turn's right there," she added, pointing in case he missed the huge 'sugarloaf mountain' sign.

He took the turn easily, still laughing at her response. "You're right, I got a stash of bubblegum pop hidden under my bed with my High School Musical DVD and Hannah Montana pictures." He had to stop laughing, because his cheeks were starting to burn. Releasing a loud sigh, wavering a bit with a leftover chuckle, he reached over to poke at her arm even as he found a place to park. "You've discovered my terrible secret. Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"I'm going to put it in the school newspaper." Kaysen said, though she wasn't up to admitting that she had no idea who Hannah Montana was. High School Musical she'd heard of, though had managed not to know shit about it. And she really planned to keep it that way! "Closet mainstreamer." she accused, then got out of the jeep and ran around it to the head of the path, turning to wait for him. "You secretly just want to get along with everyone and fit in. You're like, a cheesy teen movie waiting to happen."

He got out of the jeep and locked it before following her, still grinning. "You got me pegged, Kaysen. All I really want is to break into song and dance in the middle of the hallway, and win over the most popular girl in class with my charm and unconventional good looks." Walking along the path, he shot her an exaggerated wistful look. "I feel so free now!"

"Well, so long as you're willing to accept it, I suppose. Good luck with Chrissy. I'm sure everything'll be wonderful for you. You guys can get married and have babies that'll all be the most pretty and popular in their classes too." she said, following after him, then starting up the first bit of wooden steps. "When you start that shit though, know that I'll totally disappear. There is no place for people like me in teen movies."

No, she'd never be in a teen movie. Ever. She was far too interesting and complex for that shit. Chance made a slight face of disgust at the mention of Chrissy, before he reached out and touched her arm lightly. "You do know that I'm kidding, right?" Because common sense told him that, yes, she knew and was just playing along...but then again, it was Kaysen and he could never be too sure.

She knew she should know, though there was a tiny part of her that wondered. "Yeah." she said anyways, eyes ticking down to the touch on her arm, though for once she didn't hop back immediately. She did start up the steps again though. It wasn't the same thing, however. It wasn't a shying, it was just continuing on her way. "Though...you're popular in your own right. At least, like, in an underground sort of way." she added, not looking back at him.

"Come on," Chance said with a shake of his head, sliding his hands into his pockets again, willing them to behave. "Underground makes it sound like it's cool, and it's really not. Being known for getting Saturday schools and fighting is kind of pathetic. And even if it was cool, I wouldn't be caught dead dating someone like Chrissy. Or even half the girls in school right now." He didn't know why he felt like he had to make sure she knew that...but he did. Just in case.

"Yeah, but like, having a rep like that, people wonder what you're really like. And c'mon. you know most girls really want some crazy bad boy they can't take home to mother. Or whatever." That's what she heard in the locker room, anyways. When she wasn't waiting for everyone else to leave to come out of hiding.

It sounded a bit ridiculous to him. He didn't really get why a girl would want to be with a guy who would probably end up hurting her, or treating her like shit. He'd been with a few who actually had gone into it, expecting it, and not caring. Not that he cared at that point in time, but still, he didn't really understand girls. At all. "Is that what you want?" Chance asked, shifting his gaze away from her to focus on the steps they were climbing.

She didn't answer him, not right away because panic rose up immediately. What did she want? In regards to what? Him? Dating? What kind of guy she would like? The question needed to be massively clarified, and she had a feeling if she asked for the clarification, she'd be put on the spot and wouldn't know how to answer. "To be invisible." she answered after a long, long time, then she dashed up to the next flight of steps, leaving him behind. Not that she could get far, and there were still a million steps to climb up. But still.

He hurried after her, not really wanting to put her on the spot, but having some kind of idea about where she stood in that aspect of her life would have been nice. And she seemed to do a really great job at avoiding it whenever the conversation turned in a direction that would probably lead to his feelings for her. "That really wasn't what I asked," he said, his tone light, so she wouldn't feel pressured in any kind of way. "But if you want to be invisible, why do you hang out with me?"

"I dunno. You wouldn't leave me alone." Kaysen said. "And you just asked what I wanted. so I told you. You didn't ask anything else." Of course, he had, but she wasn't able to answer him. She really wasn't. And she was really afraid she was going to have to answer.

"Yeah, I did sort of push you into hanging out with me. You're right." He fell silent, deciding to leave it alone. Because she was right, even if he was hoping to have heard something different. But Kaysen was honest, and he liked that about her. But he did vaguely wonder how much more torture he'd put himself through before he gave up and would be content with being her friend. At least he had that. And that much he was enjoying. A lot. "I haven't been up here in long time," Chance continued. "I forgot how nice it was." Lame! But at least it was a change of subject.

"yeah...I know what you mean." Kaysen answered, sounding honest actually, instead of finding the comment lame. She felt better for not having to further the other line of thought, which didn't mean the back of her mind wasn't grinding over it. "I like coming here at least once a year, looking out, and like...seeing nothing but trees and water for so far."

"Once a year. I used to come up here all the time, a long time ago," he said, feeling slightly relaxed again. He was quickly learning which topics to steer clear of with her, and which would get her talking and comfortable. "I'm glad you suggested it. It's kind of a nice change of scenery, you know?"

"That's kinda what I was thinkin." Kaysen said. "Just...away, I guess. And outside n stuff. But thankfully we haven't seen any like, hell cats or anything, so that's good too." she added, starting to slow up so he could walk with her again.

"Away's good," Chance agreed, falling into step next to her. He actually felt as if he needed to get away from town for awhile. Maybe it would help him clear his head. "I think the hell cats are all dead, given how they stunk up the town." He wouldn't have been surprised if the cats had been from Hell. That would have explained a lot. Which also reminded him..."How's your like, bites and arms and stuff? Healed, yet?"

Kaysen actually looked really panicked at that. It was something she hadn't told anyone about...the encounter with Grover. He'd...well. she'd fallen, then he'd gone to help her, then he'd touched her and...everything she'd had wrong was gone. The scratches, she didn't have a mark left on her. "They're fine." she said quickly, cursing herself for being such a bad liar on the spot. But then again she didn't know how well she lied when she wasn't on the spot, and that's usually where she found herself anyways. "Are you okay? Like...with everything?"

He didn't realize asking about her bumps and bruises would freak her out, because he was sort of getting that by the look on her face. Usually she would show him her arm, or whatever injury she had, without much pause. "Good," he said, because he wasn't about to start pushing on that either. "Me? What do you mean? Like the bites and shit? They're fine." Everything else? Not so much. But that was far too personal to even think about discussing. She'd be running off in the woods trying to escape him if he did.

She paused a second, looking over at him. "What else would I be talking about?" she asked. "Wait, are you hurt some other way? Are you okay?" she asked, not sure now where the conversation had gone, and so she had to ask, just so she knew where they were. And now she was also finding herself kind of concerned, not sure what she missed, or if he was like, upset and she hadn't noticed or something.

"No, I'm fine," he answered just as quickly as she had when he asked. He flexed his fingers in his pockets, not daring to look at her, so he kept his eyes fixed on the path they were walking. "Sorry, I just misunderstood what you meant, I think." He allowed a tiny smile to hit his lips. "Everything's healed, and I plan to avoid all cats from here on out."

Kaysen didn't quite buy that. So she watched him out of the corner of her eye as they kept up the steps. A few minutes went by before she started talking again. "You don't really think I buy that...do you?" she asked though it didn't come out confrontationally, as she'd intended. Instead it was kind of a light question, and still held the note of concern.

He shrugged one shoulder, still avoiding having to look at her. "To be honest, Kaysen, I don't know. I just...I don't feel like it's a good idea for me to tell you about my problems. Not because I don't trust you, or anything," he added quickly, because he didn't want her thinking that. "But because it's personal, and weird, and I just think when we start getting past conversations about movies, or whatever, you start to feel uncomfortable. And I don't want to be the reason for that." He finally gave her a glance, however brief. "Does that make sense?"

She frowned, unhappy. This unhappyness stemmed directly from the fact that she knew she deserved that. To not be told things because she had a way of failing spectacularly at rationality. So yeah, why would he tell her anything? She freaked out at the drop of a hat. "I'm sorry." she mumbled, still walking. "I can promise to try not to freak out?" she suggested. "Maybe just like...maybe one thing bugging you?"

"You don't have to be sorry." Because she really didn't. Even if it did mean a little bit to him that she felt she had to be. And he had expected her to drop it, so when she promised to try and not freak out, he was a bit taken back by that, and unsure of how to answer. "Uh...it's just..." What could he tell her? All the things bugging him were massive, at least in his mind. "I'm sort of dreading school. Which sounds lame..." Though if anyone could understand that, she could. "I have this...bad feeling about it that won't go away. Like a bad omen, or something."

"I dread school like, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixtyfive days a year." Kaysen pointed out, because yeah. She got that no problem. "A bad feeling? Like...er....like bad like being attacked by monster cats bad, or bad like a fight with the principal or classmates or something bad, bad grades bad...what kinda bad?" Those were only split second off the top of her head suggestions, too. If she set her mind to it she could come up with hundreds of levels of bad.

"I dunno." And he really didn't. "Last year was...okay. Until the end. And I know I won't really be alone completely, but a part of me feels like I will be. And if shit starts to happen, I'm not going to have anyone to keep me grounded anymore. And then that's when things get really bad..." He cringed a bit and looked over at her. "I know I'm not making any sense. I just don't feel like myself anymore, and I think when I get back to school, I'm going to try harder to be myself, and it's going to go badly."

Kaysen thought about that for a long few minutes, giving it due consideration. "Well, maybe you're someone new, and you should just go with that." she offered. "I mean, if you're not feeling like yourself. Is the person you're being now someone you're okay with?" she asked. she felt like she wasn't being as articulate as she should be, but unfortunately she couldn't think of better words.

"No," he answered, a bit more quickly than he would have liked. "It's just, being who I am now only opens things up for more misery, I think. I liked being in control of things. Now I don't feel like I am. I feel sort of numb sometimes. Like people are trying to stifle parts of my personality that they don't like? Fuck, I don't know. It's too complicated to explain."

She was frowning actively now, and was kind of glad they were going to be at the top soon. Ten minutes or so of walking up steps sucked. "You don't like who you are now?" she asked. That was kinda...bad. Cuz she was just getting used to him like he was, and she didn't think he was all that bad. It was possible she even maybe liked him. "Who's trying to stifle parts of your personality?" she asked. Paranoia told her it had to be her. Because she spazzed all the time. Like he'd said before, he didn't want to tell her things because she freaked out. Wasn't that awesome? Shit. Shity shitty shitballs.

"Everybody. But I know it's probably not true. It just feels true." He was starting to feel the burn in his legs from the walk, which only reminded him he didn't get out enough this summer. "I feel like everything I do is wrong, so why not just do whatever the fuck I want? When I get mad, my mom thinks I'm going batshit insane again, and tries to get me more meds. Then I have to explain my so-called anger to my therapist, and fuck, it's like, I'm seventeen. What kid my age doesn't have mood swings every now and then?" He was talking more now then he meant too, but his agitation over everything was getting to him and it felt nice to say things aloud.

You're on meds? You have to see a therapist? You were insane before? This was all things she'd heard rumors of, and all that, but it was different to hear them from him. "If you're doing what you want...isn't that you being you?" she asked tentatively, not sure if she was saying the right thing at all. To say she was on shakey ground would have been an understatement. "Like...without the doing things that they want. I'm sorry." She had the feeling she had misunderstood like...everything.

"See I'm not doing what I want, because I'm afraid of how people will react if I do. But even if I behave, they're still watching at me, waiting for badness. I can't really win. See? It doesn't make any sense when I say it out loud." He shook his head. "Don't apologize. I'm not making any sense. It's just, a lot of things have changed for me over the past year. I'm still trying to get a grasp on all of it."

"Well...just...fuck everyone else. Do whatever you're gonna do. If you're not who you were before, then whatever, people can deal. And if you don't like who you are now, change it. I mean, school hasn't even started yet, so you've still got time. And even after...you kinda...well. It's not like you have to dodge people in the halls n shit." Kaysen suggested. "The only person you really have to worry about keeping happy with you is you."

He gave a grin at that. "No, you're right. I don't have to dodge people. They dodge me. And the ones who don't I usually end up punching, or they swing at me first. Some of the time. I know you're going to probably get defensive, but you should take your own advice too. I mean, about fucking everyone else. Wait." He paused abruptly, his eyes wide at the slip. "That totally came out wrong. I meant, like, fuck everyone else. Not like that." He winced at her. "You get what I'm saying, right?"

She actually laughed at that. Mostly from the look on his face when he'd slipped, then the immediate backpeddling. "Yeah, I get what you mean." she said. "And dude...I do. Like...I don't care." At least she tried not to. Desperately. "It's not like I...I mean, I don't try to change to fit in with those assholes or anything. I wouldn't want to. If someone walked up to me tomorrow and said 'hey Kaysen, we're sorry, we'll totally stop making your life a living history of misery if you just act like the rest of us!' Or any sort of deal they'd make. Just...no. I don't. And maybe that's part of why no one likes me, because I don't run around and agree just to agree, or like shit just because they do. I dunno. But I just...don't do that. I don't know if you can understand."

"I can, and I do," he replied. Chance had a feeling that because she saw him as "popular in an underground way" that other kids thought the same thing. One didn't end up in Saturday school just by ditching class. And fights got started for a reason. "I didn't have most of the school on my back when I moved here. But I had more than my share of jocks who liked to make sure they inflicted some kind of pain on me day in and day out, whether it was physical or otherwise. And now I'm deaf in one ear because of it. I learned to fight back, so it's not as bad as it used to be, but I still have my problems, which you obviously know about since you only knew me by reputation for getting into fights. Believe it or not, I didn't start all of them." Chance looked over at her, trying not to think how pretty she looked, which was a thought completely out of left field, given the nature of their discussion. "And I know it doesn't count for much in the grand scheme of things, but I like you. I'm glad you're not like them. I like that you have a mind of your own."

She looked over, a little suspiciously, but not as much as she would have looked, say a week ago. "Thanks." she said. "I don't think you should change. I'm just getting used to this you, I don't know what I'd do if I had to get used to a different one." Or, she didn't know if she would get used to a different one at all, that was a distinct possibility. But then again, she knew that if he was suddenly different, she would have felt like she had gotten to know a lie. Like it hadn't really been him the whole time. God that was too complicated to think about.

Chance thought about that, feeling slightly better than she didn't want him to change. Which meant she liked him. Sort of. Maybe. But he also realized that he was walking a fine line still, and what would she think if he had some kind of episode without explaining beforehand the shit he was suffering from? "I can't always...I mean, there are times I can't control who I am, or how I feel. That's why I'm on medication." He hated talking about it, to anyone really, but it felt necessary. At least with Kaysen. "I don't want you to think that if I'm not myself, like, one day, as opposed to the next, that the person I am now is a lie." Wow, was he making any sense? Why couldn't he just come out and say it to her?

Kaysen kinda looked at him for that. "..um...dude. I don't think anyone can control how they feel all the time." she said. She knew she couldn't. Hell, she was the poster child for not being able to control her emotions. Though according to that book, that was partly due to the fire elemental thing. Either way, it didn't help matters whatsoever. She was rarely in control of the way she felt about anything and was more often than not utterly swept away in whatever she happened to be feeling. "...it's why I'm such a spaz all the time." she added, as if he needed the clarity.

He couldn't help but grin a bit. At least she knew she was a spaz. But she was also interesting, and passionate, and stubborn and complicated and...yeah. He was totally hooked. "Yeah, you're right." And he'd rather just leave it at that then get into anymore detail. Chance looked up the steps they were still climbing before glancing over at her. "But I just wanted to get it out there now. I'm not always the easiest person to be around, and I don't ever want you to take it personal if that's the case sometimes."

Kaysen wondered if he realized quite who he was talking to. Since she was Queen of Not Easy To Deal With. Like, if there were merit badges? She'd have the lock on it. That title would be hers. He knew that, she knew he got frustrated with her or didn't understand her sometimes. "Well...thanks for the heads up, but unless you're like, mean to me or something, it'll be okay." Since he hadn't been mean to her, and she realised after she'd said it that it was possible she'd stopped being so convinced he was going to be at any moment. When had that happened?

"I won't be mean to you," Chance assured her. God, he didn't want to be mean to her, ever. It wasn't like his mother, or Devon, or Jordan, where he could be a complete asshole and they would forgive him because they knew him. He knew Kaysen was a completely different situation and if he got out of control, that would be it. He'd always have to tread lightly with her. But he did that now, and he was getting used to it. "You wanna go to school with me, Monday?" He didn't know exactly where that came from, but it seemed a good idea in his mind.

And for some reason, the question utterly derailed her. They were nearly to the top, but there were still two flights of steps and she was tired and didn't think she could dash up the both of them fast enough to aviod the question. "I um...go to school with you? Like...like you'd bring me?" she asked, not sure she understood. It was a pretty foreign concept to her after all.

"That's the idea," Chance answered, a half-crooked kind of smile forming on his face. "We can skateboard together...or I could pick you up. I don't care. Either way. You want to?"

Kaysen had no idea how to answer that. It gave her a massive panicked feeling, like she was going to do something wrong no matter what. Wasn't she supposed to take the bus? What if she was supposed to check in with Isaac? What about Charlie? If she went, what would people say? Would it matter? Would people start picking on him? Would that make everything worse like he was talking about with the medication and stuff? Gah!!!! "Can I...can I think about it?" she asked.

"You can't answer me now?" Chance asked, starting up the stairs at a quicker, very subtle pace. She'd said the same thing when he asked if he could ask her out sometime. He wondered briefly if she was embarrassed to be seen with him and once the thought started, it began to spread like a disease through his conscience. "It's just a ride to school, Kaysen. I'm not, like, asking you to homecoming or anything."

Well that sucked, because now she was thinking about homecoming, and dances, and all that stupid stuff that she'd never go to. "I know!" she said, also going faster, though she started taking the stairs two at a time. "But it's a big deal! You already said you were nervous about school and what happens if people see you with me? They might start treating you like me! Then there's Charlie to consider because she's new and I don't know if she knows where she's going and I wanted to try to help her cuz she's trying to help me on some stuff and I dunno if I was supposed to go with Isaac n Thom, or if I wasn't, and I just don't know I have to think about it!" and then she did try running up the last of the steps to the top.

"I'm nervous about school for myself, not for anything else. And I don't give a shit what happens if people see me with you," Chance told her, catching up to her. Damn, he was practically out of breath. His leg muscles were burning. It just sounded like she was making excuses, and he wished she'd just come out and say no instead of trying to find reasons not to go with him. "I mean, it's like, a ride, you know? If you'd rather go with Charlie, or your brother, than that's fine. You can say so." He paused, trying to catch his breath. "Are you going to avoid me in school too?"

Kaysen was out of breath too, and she flopped onto one of the benches that was up there. The place had been built nicely, a little tiny area up there for people to relax. benches, a nicely built wall around so people didn't fall off...it was beautiful. None of which she was appreciating as she dealt with his next question, which was sending her even further down the screaming panic track. She hadn't thought about it, because it hadn't occurred to her that anything would be different when she got to school. She hadn't thought anything would change, that he would try to talk to her, that...anything, really. Everything was always the same for her the only thing that changed was the tone of today's cruelty. So she wound up not answering him and staring at him in open turmoil and dismay.

The way she looked at him he sort of took as her answer. And it wasn't a positive one. Turning away, Chance doubled over only enough to place his hands on his knees as he inhaled deep breaths to ease the burning in his throat. Whose idea was it to run up the last bit of steps? Damn. Swallowing hard, he straightened and let his gaze wander around the scenery because it was a distraction and easier than looking at her. For once, he didn't really know what to say.

She knew she'd messed up. Knew it. She just didn't know how to fix it, or explain it. "I didn't know you were gonna talk to me." she said quietly, after about a good five minutes of silence, and she had her breath back, her heart wasn't thudding her her ears because of exertion anymore. No, now it was purely from emotional crap. She stood up and walked over to lean against the wall, eyes down on the trees though she wasn't actually paying attention to them.

Chance tilted his head back slightly, his voice somewhat resigned. "Jesus, Kaysen." He didn't really know what else to say at that moment. He simply needed to take a deep breath and let that calm demeanor return. "After the time we've been hanging out, and shit I've told you...you really think I'd just ignore you in school? That I wouldn't want to talk to you? I like you. And I'm not gonna let your reputation, or mine, change that, or make it more complicated."

Oh look! The part of the day where she felt like bursting into tears again! Awesome. She bit at her lower lip against them, but the threat was imminent. "Look, you still don't get it, okay?" she asked, looking around at him. "I keep telling you over and over how everything is, and you never fucking listen!" she cried, fully turning to face him. "Get it through your thick skull already! This doesn't happen, okay? What you think you're the only person who started talking to me in the summer then ditched me the second they found out what the score was at school? Well it's not! You're just the first in a year or two! Why do I have to think you're any different? I'm just trying to protect myself! Do you have any idea what it feels like when every. Single. Time the same thing happens? That it's all fine then turns out it's all bullshit? Do you have the slightest clue?" she was getting louder, at some point in her tirade, she'd started crying, and also, she'd advanced on him and at the last bit she shoved him, back towards one of the benches. "Jesus, you keep fucking---you don't get it!"

Taken aback by her outburst, Chance was unguarded enough not to brace himself when she shoved him and he tumbled back a few steps, trying to comprehend everything she was saying. Because now she was crying, and he was feeling like an asshole again, and he knew nothing he was going to say would make it better. But it was making him angry too, and hurt, because he felt as though he had gained her trust, or at least started too, and now it seemed like none of that mattered. It seemed like she still viewed him as someone who would hurt her.

"So I don't get a fucking chance because of those fuckers? Tell me I don't get it! Maybe I fucking don't get it then! Because I already know the score! And I don't fucking care! I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm not them. And whenever I try to prove that, you tell me I don't get it!" His voice raised just as loud as hers, though he didn't quite comprehend it. "And it fucking kills me, Kaysen, that you don't fucking trust me! Because I fucking thought at this point you might." Fuck. This was all bad now. All of it.

She felt overheated. Like it wasn't even the day, like she was too hot. Or the air around her, or something. She also acted before she could think about it, and she slapped him. "Ten! Years!" she shouted at him, voice hoarse because of the crying. "Ten years, that's my life, every day! Every! Fucking! Day! And you expect me to toss it all aside because this is you and I'm automatically supposed to just know that you're not going to fuck me over? Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me just to hang out with you? Or talk to you? Or even just like...fucking text you? Do you know how vulnerable that makes me?! No! You don't! And you keep expecting me to be different well you know what, I'm not! I don't know who you want me to be, Chance, but whoever that is, I'm not her!" By then she was right up in his face, tears streaming down her cheeks, and the world was of course, ending.

His cheek stung where she'd slapped him, and he could only blink as she ranted at him, every single tear that ran down her face cutting through him. His anger dissolved quickly and he was frowning, upset with himself, more than anything, for ever putting her in this position. For making her cry. For making her feel vulnerable. She was right. He was always too dismissive of the way she'd been treated. Maybe it wasn't fair of him to expect her to trust him now. If ever. "I'm sorry," Chance said quietly, almost pleadingly. Her distress was only heightening his own. "Don't cry anymore. Please. Don't cry. I'm sorry." Lifting his hands, he cupped her face to smooth the tears away with his thumbs, not even sure if she'd let him.

She knew she had to stop crying, she knew that, she hated when she did that. But she couldn't seem to stop, and she didn't know what to do, and she was in such a state of not knowing what to do that she didn't push him away or anything. In some insane part of her brain, she noticed his cheek was all red from where she'd hit him. OH god. She'd hit him!

Admittedly his cheek did burn a bit where she'd hit him. For being a small girl, she had some strength. Unless it was just the adrenaline of being angry with him. But that wasn't really at the forefront of his mind at the moment. All he wanted to do was get her to stop crying. He was trying to dry her tears away with his fingers but they were still falling far too quickly. "I'm sorry," Chance said again, more distressed now than before. She was going to hate him when she finally calmed down.

She was trying to figure out what to do or say or something and all she wanted to do was to shut her eyes, hit the reset button, and start over. Because she was hysterically upset, she had hit him, and she didn't know what to do. "I didn't mean to hit you an I'm sorry an I just don't know, and I know you're trying and everything but this is all really really hard for me and god I hit you I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry!" she rambled miserably. God, wasn't that what abusive boyfriends said? That they were sorry and they didn't mean it?! What the fuck?!?

He shook his head quickly, before his eyes drifted over the details of her face, her tear stained cheeks, her reddened eyes. "Don't," he interrupted, not wanting to hear apologies, because he'd probably deserved everything she threw at him. His hands slid back over her ears, slightly into her hair where he tilted her head just enough that she was looking up at him. His eyes stared into hers with a sense of determination. "Don't apologize to me. I know you didn't mean it...I just...just don't cry anymore. Please?"

Kaysen had a brief moment where it was like she was standing outside of herself, watching. Standing there with him, alone, at the highest point around for miles, close together, his hands in her hair, cradling her head and looking down at her...other girls got kissed like that. Kaysen, who'd never been kissed, and what was her life doing? Oh yeah. She was crying her eyes out and she'd just slapped him across the face. Because that was her life. That was pretty much the crowning achievement right there. That some reflection, some other girl could be standing in her exact place, in her shoes, and everything wouldn't be fucked up, it would have been perfect. Unfortunately...she wasn't some other girl. She was Kaysen Marie St. James. Paranoid freak, social disease, and apparently a fire elemental, though right now she couldn't come up with anything good about that. Or anything else. She was a fucking trainwreck. "I'm sorry." she managed one more time, voice tiny, and she tried really really hard to stop crying.

His definition of perfection seemed to differ greatly from Kaysen's. For other guys his age, perfection might have been a hot, blonde cheerleader, bright and smart and outgoing. But for some reason, this girl was, in Chance's fucked up mind, completely perfect. He didn't know what else to say. Could they stand there all day and apologize back and forth for things they'd said, or done? What would be the point? Chance swallowed hard, watching one stray tear fall to the side of her face. Maybe for other people, the circumstances should have been different, pleasant, full of anticipation and whatever the fuck else. But somehow, it seemed like the right moment, even if a tiny part of his brain was screaming otherwise. It just seemed...perfect. Ignoring the warning sirens wailing in his head, he looked at her and hesitated a brief, brief moment, before lowering his head to kiss her.

She was so surprised that she didn't even react right away. This was mostly due to the fact that she was having a terrible time keeping up with the fact that he'd kissed her. Him. Chance. Who's cheek was all red because she'd just slapped him. This did not in any way shape or form compute. Not even in the slightest. But there it was. Even though her brain was absolutely fucking exploding from shock, he'd kissed her. Was kissing her, since technically he hadn't pulled back yet. Once the shock wore off, a number of different things happened. Her mind went on immediate strike, making sure she couldn't do things like, oh, run off. Or hit him again. She eventually actually kissed back, since it seemed like a natural thing to do, and there was the whole brain-on-strike thing.

For a moment, or two, he was sure that she would run off. In fact, he was almost positive that she would. But then he could feel her respond and she was kissing him back and...Holy shit!. He deepened the kiss. Just a little bit. Just enough It was amazing, and strange and mindblowing all at once. And he didn't want to pull away just yet, because she wasn't freaking out and she tasted incredible and he just wanted to keep kissing her.

She wasn't prepared for the change in the kiss, but it made her stomach do flipflops, and she kinda felt for a second there like she might need to sit down. A sort of light headed feeling without the dizzyness, which sounded stupid, but that's what it was like. She made a tiny unconscious sound, then immediately hoped to god he hadn't heard it, because she hadn't meant to, and oh god. There was kissing. What did she do? Panic was back, after the brain-strike. Oh god oh god oh god. She let it go on for another few heartbeats...pretty much until oxygen was becoming an issue, then she pulled back and blinked up at him, wide eyed.

The little sound she made in her throat had a definite effect on him, one that he was well aware of and was praying that she wasn't. Chance was losing himself in the situation, totally forgetting the fight that they had and where they were...it was all sort of a hazy blur in his mind. All he could think about now was that he was kissing her, and she was kissing him and...and then she pulled back and was staring at him and when he blinked, he realized that he should say something. "Uhm...I'm...sorry." Only he wasn't. At all. He wanted to do it again.

Okay she knew they'd been throwing that word around back and forth before the Kissing Thing had started, and now she wasn't sure if he was picking up where they'd left off, or if he was apologizing for the kiss. And she really couldn't decide which she wished it was. She was far too totally thrown to really come up with anything, or make her mind work again. It seemed to be going in fits and starts now. Giving her enough room to panic, then shutting back down. The system was damaged, and that was just the way it was. Crazyness. Total crazyness. "Um." she said intelligently, and woo! That was as far as she got. Her cheeks flushed, and it was sort of belatedly that she realized she'd been startled out of crying. Her throat still hurt, and her cheeks were still wet, something she reached up to rub at, but she wasn't actively crying. The lump in the back of her throat had gone away.

"Um," he repeated with a small grin. "That's what I meant to say. Um." Chance took her hand to pull it away from her face and used his free hand to wipe away the tears drying there himself. He didn't know if this was going to make things even weirder between them, or maybe make them better. It was completely unpredictable. Just like Kaysen. "I didn't mean to make you cry." He hoped she believed him. Because he didn't think he could convey anymore sincerity in his voice than what he was currently doing.

It was really weird, the treatment she was getting. Like he was kind of trying to take care of her or something, and it was bizarre in a way she couldn't even begin to describe. Kaysen felt quite a bit like she'd been dropped into the land of oz and no one had bothered to tell her. That or the twilight zone, though usually by now there would be something creepier going on. Maybe there was and she just hadn't seen it yet. It was possible. Her brain was on the blink. Well. Okay she could think of one thing. She had slapped him and in response he'd kissed her. That was just...weird. Wasn't it? That totally wasn't how most people reacted to being hit. "I um...I...." okay her speech centers weren't back online yet. "You kissed me." But her powers of stating the obvious were at their peak!

"Yeah." Because well, yeah. He had. Chance felt himself sort of waiting for her complete freak out, and he was bracing himself for it. He'd nearly forgotten the pushing and the slap. All of that had been erased the moment she had begun to kiss him back. And he was trying really, really hard not to grin like an idiot because...wow. He'd kind of pictured this since he first saw her at school, but he never really expected it to happen. "You kissed me too," he pointed out lightly. "So, I guess we're even?"

Was that how it worked? They were even? Was he fucking with her? God, he had to be fucking with her. But at the moment, she didn't know, and while she was well aware that she should know, she just flat out didn't. If someone asked her what color the sky was she might have been hard pressed to give a solid answer. "I...um. What now?" she asked, because yes, she needed to figure that out and she was coming up blank. Cuz holy hell.

"Um." What now? Chance was searching for a good answer, because he wasn't really sure either. He didn't know what was going through her head. If this was a good, or a bad thing. If she had liked it, or not. "Did you...I mean I guess it depends on what you're thinking." Because, really, if she was totally repulsed, that would really put a damper on everything, but give him a solid answer about how to proceed. "I could kiss you again," he offered, giving her a cheeky grin. "And you could agree to go out with me. Or...we could pretend it didn't happen, if that's what you wanted." Which he hoped wasn't the case...

Kaysen was under the impression that pretending it hadn't happened was an excellent idea? But not gonna work in practice. Because she so wasn't forgetting that. Like, ever. "I'm not gonna go out with you." she said, giving him a bit of a Look. But she didn't say no to the being kissed again part. Was that bad?

"No?" Chance slipped his hand into his pockets as he rocked back on his heels, his eyebrow lifting with curiosity. "Why not?" Because he wanted to know, whether it was just her own hang ups, or something was wrong with him. It seemed important at the moment, given what just happened.

"We totally just had a screaming fight and I hit you and you made me cry?" Kaysen suggested, like that should have been obvious. "We don't have the best track record you know. Plus you drive me crazy, and I drive you crazy, and there's crazyness all over, which can only explain what happened after the fight." she continued. "So, why should I?" she asked, crossing her arms and giving him a defiant look, though really, she wanted to see what kind of answer he'd give her.

Because I totally love you? The words nearly made it past Chance's lips, but he reigned them in and tilted his head to study her closely. She really did drive him crazy, but maybe not in the way he drove her crazy. "One fight doesn't make our track record a bad one, does it? Maybe it's just me, but I think we have fun together...and we have a lot in common. I think you're amazingly awesome, and beautiful, and funny, and interesting, and..." He had a million different reasons he could list for her...he just didn't know where to stop because he had a feeling if he said the wrong thing, it would ruin everything. "And I don't know. I guess I want to prove to you that I'm the right kind of guy for you. Because I know I am. And I want you to give me that chance." Interjecting some sense of confidence of self was better than stammering moron any day, wasn't it?

She eyed him, listening since she had wanted to hear his answer, and now that he'd given her one, she didn't quite know what to say about that. Crap. She sort of skipped over all the words he'd used to describe her, since those didn't compute, so she went straight ahead for the other bits. "Lemme think about it." she said. Which she wondered just how many times she'd said that to him in the course of their...what? Relationship? Did they have one? What even counted? She did find herself biting at her lower lip a little...and imagining it tasted a little different than it had pre-kiss.

She had said it before, when he initially asked if he could ask her out. He knew it was an avoidance tactic, and he wondered if she would say the same thing if he asked in another month, or two...or even a year. Maybe it was just her "nice" way of saying no. Maybe not. He just couldn't tell. He wanted to point out that they sort of went out already, just not officially, but then that might make her hesitant to hang out with him again if she thought it might be something close to an actual relationship. So Chance gave a nod to her answer, avoiding looking at her mouth at all costs. It was really unfair, in his hormonal teenage mind, that he'd been allowed to kiss her once, and that would probably be all he got to do.

Kaysen fidgeted, because she didn't know what to say now. Or do now, because she was sorta wondering about everything all at once, not the least of which was the kissing thing. That had been...nice. And she wondered what it would be like if she did it when she wasn't shocked all to hell and y'know. In the middle of spazzing out on such a huge scale that she'd even gotten violent. At least the red mark on his cheek was fading a little. "Did I hurt your cheek?" she asked after a minute, glancing up from where her eyes had been on the ground, looking at him through her eyelashes.

Looking back at her, he let go of the dampering thoughts and gave her a small smile. Reaching out, he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, wishing he could think of something clever to lighten the mood, because honestly, he had no clue how they had gotten to this point. If I say yes, will you let me kiss you again? "Just a little. You're kind of strong. I'm just...I'm sorry I said whatever I did to make you do it. I'm sure I deserved it."

She probably couldn't have come up with what he'd said right before she smacked him if she had a gun to her head. Because yeaaaaah. What happened after was totally blotting out the details of the events leading up to. "Well, probably, but I still shouldn't have hit you." she said, giving him a little look. "I didn't mean to though, honest. I kinda...I didn't try to?" she suggested, knowing it sounded dumb, though she did lean a little closer so she could eye his cheek, where she was sure the mark would be gone really soon. But for right now she could still kinda tell the individual finger marks. She had hit him hard.

"I know." He couldn't remember what he had said either. But he had upset her, and so he hoped his apology covered everything he might have said or done. He noted her inspecting him, so Chance lifted his hand to touch gingerly at his cheek. It did still burn a bit. "You can kiss it to make it feel better, if you want," Chance offered, half-jokingly.

Kaysen punched him in the shoulder. "Jerk!" she accused, though it had a much more of a playful edge to it than anything. "You just want another kiss." she added, crossing her arms over her chest. She couldn't say that she didn't think the idea of another one was horrible. Like...one where maybe she wasn't frozen in abject shock for most of it. Or part of it, or whatever.

Chance released a mock cry and gripped at the shoulder she had punched. Definitely not as forceful as the slap, but he made sure to try and make it seem that way. "Now, see? If you keep beating me up, I'm going to have to demand reparations." But he was smiling a bit as he said it, unable to keep a straight face when she was looking at him that way. "And what if I do? I mean, isn't it only fair? My cheek really hurts." And no, he wasn't too proud to lay it on thick if need be.

Wrinkling her nose at him, she stood there, and even added tapping her foot to her crossed arms stance. "Wuss." she accused. "You're really going to play the 'you beat me up' card?" she asked. "That's your strategy?"

"It's not working?" Chance asked with playful surprise. With a loud sigh, he released his shoulder and straightened, obviously completely unhurt. "Damn. I really thought that would do it." He ran a hand through his hair as he looked off above her head thoughtfully. "Let's see...do I really need a strategy? I'm having trouble thinking creatively, what with the stinging of my flesh and all."

"You are such a baby!" Kaysen said, scoffing at him. "Biggest wuss ever. Man up already." she added, sticking her tongue out at him. "I know you're a fighter, I can't possibly have hurt you that bad." This was her logic, and she was sticking to it! But she was also kinda secretly enjoying the argument.

He touched his cheek again and winced. "I bet I have like, finger marks and everything. It might bruise!" He added a bit of whine to his voice. "You know, you patched up my back when I ditched that day. I can't get anymore of that Florence Nightingale action anymore?"

Leaning forward to narrow her eyes at the mark again, she made a show of considering. "Nope. You're not bleeding. I have nothing to patch up, therefore my inner nurse is unphased by your lack of balls." she informed him. "Now if you were bleeding, or needed a limb amputated or something, then it'd be a lock. But you soooo aren't."

For a split second, Chance pouted. He could be bleeding. But that would seem way too desperate. Then again, she did call him out on his lack of balls, even if it was in jest. But given it was Kaysen, maybe it wasn't. So to prove her wrong in the balls department, so to speak, Chance ignored everything else and leaned down quickly to kiss her again, wondering if this time he'd get another slap in the face. It would be a better reaction than tears, if he got a reaction at all.

She had kind of been waiting for it, though it ended really fast. It had just been a quick one, not the kind he'd given her the first time, and she was ever so slightly disappointed. But she didn't hit him, or burst into tears, so maybe it was a plus either way. "Feel better?" she asked.

A bit optimistic by her response - witness the lack of pounding his face with her fists - Chance looked at her silently, thoughtfully, for just a few moments. "No." And because he was feeling really brave, he kissed her again, slowly this time, wanting to see if he could push his luck and enjoy it without bracing himself for an onslaught.

That had definitely been what she'd wanted, though now that she was getting it of course she was going to panic again. Because she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't have the experience, and well. What if she was terrible at it or something? Or did everything wrong? Thought kind of short circuited again though as she let herself go with it, even if she didn't know what she was doing.

Her lack of experience didn't bother him. In fact, he felt sort of...happy...that she'd probably never been kissed before. And that he was probably her first. And it was all kinds of awesome running through his head. It felt strange not being able to touch her, given the situation, so he placed his hands very lightly on her waist, not wanting to do anything more than provide the contact he needed. Her lips were soft, and less tasting of salty tears at this point and it was different in a way where he could enjoy it thoroughly, rather than worry what would happen afterward. Because she wasn't protesting, or pushing him away, and more than anything, he wanted to know that she was enjoying it too.

She was okay with the hands on her waist, though it gave her a tiny bit of a start when he first did it. But he wasn't like, groping her or anything so she decided it was okay. There were a lot of rises and falls of panic and being too wrapped up in the kiss to panic going on in her mind, something that so far at least wasn't making her stop or pull away or anything. Her stomach started to do the flippyflops again, and that wasn't so bad either.

He was trying really hard to keep things under control. Because this was new, and they were outside, though alone, and everything leading up to it had been so strange - but yet strangely it seemed to all fit. Like the way her lips fit with his, which was such an odd thing to think about at the current moment. Chance subconsciously raised his hands to the sides of her face again, using that little bit of leverage to tilt her head back, just enough, to deepen the kiss again. A bit more than before, but not enough, he thought, to cause panic. Warmth spread out from his stomach, all over, and he made damn sure to keep enough distance between their bodies that she wouldn't be able to tell the effect just kissing her had on him.

Eek! One thing about Kaysen was it was fairly easy to panic her. Possibly stupidly easy, really. Though she tried to keep it stomped down where she couldn't do something dumb over it. She did draw in a little it of a sharp breath, just with the unexpected of it all. But she didn't actually stop him. Instead she tried to learn what to do from what he was doing, and hoped she wasn't screwing it up. She started to feel warm again too, heat rising up in her form. Or around it, or something. She couldn't tell.

Chance paused, for a brief moment, when he felt her soft intake of breath, but he wasn't about to stop unless she asked him too. And she hadn't. And really, God, he could kiss her for the rest of the afternoon, and he'd be totally fine with it. He had absolutely no problems with anything she was doing, because the way she was kissing him back was perfect. Awesome. His thumbs were absently brushing back, over her jawline, and he just didn't care much about the oxygen part of it all. Chance didn't care if he suffocated this way. That was damn fine with him. It would have been totally worth it.

She thought she was kinda getting the knack of it. It wasn't overly complicated or anything. And it felt nice. It was a belated sort of decision, that she liked it, that she liked the feelings it gave her, and even kinda what he tasted like. Was that weird? That was probably weird.

Yes, it felt very nice. Nice enough that he didn't want to stop because his body was agreeing with every second of it. Vaguely he thought it was a bit odd that she wouldn't be adverse to kissing him - but wouldn't agree to go out with him - but he could definitely deal with that. For now. Still cupping her face, Chance very reluctantly pulled away, drawing in a deep breath, his eyes on her face. He really meant to say something...but nothing was coming out at the moment.

It took her a second to open her eyes up and look back at him. Her heart was kind of thudding in her ears, and she had to try to get that breathing thing happening again. She flushed red, and took a step back, it a little too abrupt for her own good and she wound up falling back onto the bench she was nearest to. Damn. That had been...interesting? Neat? Words failed her.

Chance couldn't help the tiny pleased feeling he had at her reaction. She had either begun to panic, or maybe it was just that good that it had messed with her clarity. He preferred to think it was the latter. He took the seat next to her, looking up to squint at the sun in the sky. It was making him a bit tired, but it was well worth it to be there with her. Chance cleared his throat and leaned back against the bench, wanting to reach out and take her hand. "Okay...now I feel better."

She looked up at him, and smiled, though the blush was still there and she still hadn't the slightest idea of how to go about reacting to him. "Well...good?" she suggested. Which was lame. Gah, she was terribly lame. Laaame!! What did she do?!

Chance looked over at her, smiling back. Her cheeks were a bit flushed, her lips were a bit red. He liked it. "Yeah. Very good. I've been wanting to do that for like...forever," he admitted before really realizing what he was saying.

Kaysen gave him a quizzical look at that, head canting to the side. "Really?" she asked, sounding confused. "Why? Er...when?" It was something she had trouble picturing, to say the least. That he would think about her like that and want to do something like that. Foreign territory there.

"Because I liked you?" Chance said, thinking it should be more than obvious at this point. He wanted to leave it at that because this kind of conversation had the potential to go in the direction of the last one, and that hadn't been pleasant. "And when? I dunno...since like, last year I think." That was a simple answer, right?

That had her staring. All wide eyed and shocked. "Wait, what?" she asked, because that didn't make sense. Last year? Last year?! What the fuck?! "Wait you...I..er...huh?!"

Ignoring her wide-eyed reaction, Chance maintained a calm demeanor and looked at her again. "Huh, what? Is it really that big of a deal?" With Kaysen? Yes. "I'm pretty sure I already sort of told you that, didn't I?"

She frowned, trying to wrack her brains. "Did you? I....sorry. I just never really thought anyone would...and last year, and well." Okay she needed to stop talking now because she was making no sense. At all.

Chance hadn't really said it in terms that she might actually get...though he did remember telling her he had wanted to talk to her last year. That was almost the same, wasn't it? "It's not a big deal," he repeated. "And now I think you're pretty much aware of...things. It just...it is what it is."

"I'm still catching up with that." Kaysen said. "Er...might be a while." she admitted. "Sorry. I'm...you actually like me, don't you." This was sinking in better now. Damn. Sure, she should have gotten that a long time ago, but she totally hadn't, and now that she was getting it, she was wondering how she'd missed it, and that kissing thing was pretty cool, and oh god this was all going to end horribly once school started, wasn't it?!

Chance couldn't help but laugh at bit at that. Because he had been so obvious about his feelings, at least in his mind, and it was just now sinking in that he had been sincere? Then again, as with everything else odd, it was Kaysen, so it seemed normal and expected. "Yeah, I do. And I know you have every right to be wary of it, and me. But I've liked you since I...since last year...and I don't think it's going to be changing anytime soon."

"Why?" came out of her mouth before she could stop it. Because it was absolutely baffling. The concept was so completely out there that she couldn't at all see why something like that would happen. He didn't even know her. So how had he liked her? Like, what part of 'hey there's the town's most hated girl' sounded the least bit enticing? These thoughts were going through her head as she stared at him, waiting for an answer.

Chance realized he was on the spot now, and he didn't want to answer her. But unlike Kaysen, he couldn't use "Let me think about it" with this one. He shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the question. Because this only served to put him in a more vulnerable, awkward spot. He would be completely open with his feelings, but she wouldn't have to deal with her own.

"Initially...guy stuff. I thought you were pretty, and hot. And I know that sounds shallow but no, I didn't know you at that point. And I dunno...there was just something about you that I could relate to, which I know you don't see, or understand. But I wanted to get to know you, I just could never find enough courage to talk to you. Until this summer. And getting to know you now only..." Makes me like you more. Chance paused and spared her a glance. "You probably think I'm the biggest pussy in the world, don't you?"

Kaysen was listening, though he was right. She didn't see it or understand. Not that that was surprising or anything. Pretty typical of her, really. Par for the course as it were. "No." she answered after a minute, because she wasn't sure why his statements would qualify him as a pussy. There were lots of things that did, but that wasn't really one of them.

Well that was something. He felt like a big wuss, for telling her how he felt. Wasn't he suppose to be mysterious, and dark, and broody or something? Spilling his guts out to a girl he liked wasn't helping that reputation he sort of wanted to uphold. And she didn't like sensitive, sweet guys, isn't that what she told him once? Not that he was necessarily sweet. Or sensitive. He wasn't sure what he was being right now. Not that any of it meant anything, because other than kissing him, he didn't know how she really felt about him. And he was far too afraid to ask point blank. Instead he leaned over just enough to gently elbow her. "So...does today like, change anything? Or would you rather keep 'thinking' about going out with me?"

"I'm still gonna have to think about it." Kaysen said. It was a huge decision. And before like, five minutes ago, she hadn't even actually been considering it. She hadn't thought he was serious, or...whatever. It didn't compute. People weren't interested in her like that. They just weren't. So...really, it simply hadn't been seriously on her mind, because it wasn't real. She was faced with the possibility now that it was, however, and that was going to take her time to really figure out. Huge, huge decision. Like, massive. Bigger than anything ever. "But um...I didn't mind the kissing thing." she added, thinking she had to.

He could give her that because now it seemed she actually believed him when he said he liked her. She could think about it, and maybe she would know tomorrow, or the next day, or next week...he could maintain some semblance of patience. And Chance knew he could be just as persistent as she was stubborn. If she was hoping he would forget about it, she was in for a big surprise. "I didn't mind it either," Chance replied, trying to keep his expression one of seriousness. But the tiniest smile curved at his lips because she was too damn cute. He reached over to give her hair a soft tug. "And I'm always around if you want to do it again."

Kaysen made a face at him, nose wrinkled up cutely. "Yeah? What, you just handing them out for free then?" she asked. And then she was thinking back to that stupid web cartoon Dr. Tran. Hot dickings--he's just passin them out! OH god why had she thought about that?! She blushed, and attempted to not look like she was blushing, which didn't work out for her.

Chance felt the laugh bubble up inside of him and he tilted his head back, the sound escaping his lips. It seemed she tried so hard to mask her emotions sometimes, but most of the time she failed miserably. "Yeah, maybe. They're free for now. But only to you."

She drew her feet up onto the bench with her, and clapped her hands over her face. "Don't laugh at me!" she cried miserably, though there was a touch of a giggle beneath it. She wasn't really upset. "Meanie!" she added for good measure. It was possible if she had something to throw at him she would have, but all she had was her lip gloss, and she wasn't throwing that!

"I'm not laughing at you!" Chance insisted, his tone thick with humor. "It was a valid question for sure!" He reached over and drew one of her hands back just a tiny bit from her face. She was covering up the blush that had crept along her cheeks. "I mean, I understand you need to make sure you won't be receiving any invoices from me for any make out time you incur. But I promise, it's completely free of charge."

Oh god, had they actually made out? Was that what the technical definition had been? Wasn't that supposed to be more involved? But then again, she had kissed him and now knew what he tasted like, so it wasn't like, a peck-kiss they'd shared. Did this make her a slut? Too many questions. "Free of charge, how selfless of you." she said drily. "And only for me? So I'm special?"

Kissing, for Chance, wasn't necessarily making out. He was just hoping sometime they might get to the making out point. Of course, he wasn't about to ever say that aloud. "Yeah, well, I do what I can," Chance replied, an air of exaggerated smugness in his voice and expression. "And yes, only for you. And yes, you're special. Because you're not like the girls I've kissed in the past...you're...better."

Kaysen shot him a disbelieving look for that one. "Now you're just laying it on thick, pal." she accused, hopping back up and giving him a punch on the arm. She leaned on the wall, eyes out on the view they'd walked up so many damned steps to see, and she was just now getting around to appreciating it. The wind took her hair, and she reached up to tuck some of it behind her ear so it wasn't in her face, then she looked back over her shoulder at him. She didn't say anything, just sort of eyed him with an expression that hovered between confused and amused.

"One thing I try not to do," Chance said, standing and walking over to lean on the wall next to her, "is lay things on thick. And I try to mean everything I say, especially when it comes to you." Not that meaning what he said was always a good thing. He just wanted to make it good with Kaysen. And he never had any interest that moved beyond the physical kind with girls he'd been around in the past. Kaysen was brand new territory that he was enjoying, despite the crazy weirdness that seemed to happen between them at times.

Propping her head on her hand, she watched him out of the corner of her eye, and hoped he didn't catch her. She was kind of assessing him differently than she had up til now. He was cute, really. Like sometimes, he just looked cuter than others, and right now was one of them. She could see it, and she liked his eyes. Her mind was drifting a little onto other things that she wouldn't have thought about before but for some reason was now. Like...she was thinking his hair was probably soft. It looked soft.

He sort of noticed her watching him, but paid no attention to it. He watched her all the time. So Chance focused on the view to try and stop that pattern for the moment. He'd just walked up all those damn steps, he was going to at least enjoy it for a couple of minutes. Although it barely lasted a minute, and he glanced at her from the corner of his eye again. He did kind of like how the wind sort of blew a few strands of hair into her face, and how she swept them back behind her ear almost subconsciously. Man, he wanted to kiss her again. Which he sort of blamed on his hormones. And how soft her lips were. And how awesome she tasted. And the way she had responded. Damn. In an effort to get his mind off of it, he shifted his eyes back to the view. The silence didn't really bother him this time. There seemed to be less awkward tension than before. And...he really wanted to kiss her again.

It was a belated sort of realization that the silence wasn't awkward. At least not on her end. It didn't feel weird, and it was like she didn't have to fill it up with anything. Usually she felt like she did, but not now. Now she was kind of half watching the view, and half watching him, and she tried to stop herself from giggling a little bit when she knew he'd caught her. She reached up to cover her smile up, and managed to keep it in, but still. The urge had been there.

Chance glanced at her again, raising an eyebrow. He was curious now as to what was going on through her brain, because whatever it was, she was trying to hide it in some sense. "Okay, what is it?" he asked, grinning. "You keep looking at me. Do I have something on my face? Is the wind making my hair stick up or something?"

Cue blushing again. Tons of it. Even her ears were burning. "Nothing!" she insisted. "I was just looking! Paranoid much?" Because she wasn't paranoid or anything. Yeah, even she knew just how dumb a statement that was coming from her. She stuck her tongue out at him for good measure.

Uhm. Hello! Kaysen? Asking him if he was paranoid? Chance shot her a look that very clearly conveyed his thoughts. "How am I paranoid if you were looking at me?" he asked, though he was more amused than anything. He then turned to face her, trying to stifle his smile. "That's why I asked why you were looking at me! I understand if you were totally taken by my dashingly good looks...so, it's okay, you can admit it."

She swatted his shoulder for that. "Yeah, that's it." she said, rolling her eyes. This was of course completely ignoring the fact that she had been noticing his looks. Yeah, she was brilliant today. Jeeze, what was wrong with her? One little kiss and she's totally derailed? And alright maybe it was more than one kiss. And not entirely 'little' either. But still! Talk about easy to derail.

"That's what I figured," he replied with a dramatic sigh, but grinned anyway. "I tend to have that effect on girls...I make 'em speechless sometimes. It really can't be helped." And she was blushing, which was a total bonus to the entire thing. In response to her swatting his shoulder, he reached out with the intention of tugging her hair again, but found himself pushing it back behind her ear as she had. She was doing less freaking out now, and Chance wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but he certainly liked it.

It was definitely a familiar sort of gesture, not something you did to people you didn't know well. Which she supposed she was okay with, even if it was a little strange. It also wasn't helping her have an easier time not blushing. "So...pretty view." she said, which she knew was lame, and internally she rolled her eyes and groaned at herself.

"Yeah." And he meant that in regards to her, not the actual view, but he wasn't about to say something that cheesy out loud. "I'm glad we came up here. Nice...change of scenery." Which he knew was lame in itself, because he'd said it already. He sort of wanted to ask her about her fire stuff, but knew it would probably make her self-conscious and change the so-called mood, so he decided to broach it later. "Uhm...have you like, read anything I gave you yet? If you haven't, it's totally cool, I know you've had a lot of stuff on your mind," Chance added quickly, just in case he sounded too needy, or eager to hear her thoughts. "Just asking."

"Yeah, I finished The Stand n stuff." Kaysen said. I haven't read more cuz I've been reading a book on elementals that Thom gave me, and it's been taking up a lot of my attention what with the fact I appear to be one. Yeah I'm totally a freak, by the way, big surprise, huh? she thought. She kind of wondered if she could talk to him about anything like that, but figured he'd just look at her like she was fucking insane, because who wouldn't?!

"That's cool. I'm glad you finished it," Chance assured her, shifting his gaze back to the view. He wasn't disappointed or anything...not really. She'd read his stuff when she had time. Or maybe she had read it and thought it sucked and didn't want to tell him to his face. Augh! Why did he have to think about shit like that? "Everything else been okay?" Because it was the closest he could come to asking her about those particular things without coming out and being blunt about it and getting her defenses up.

She kind of pulled a face, and sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Kinda...weirdish, but what else is new? My life's always weirdish." She made a decision that she wasn't going to talk to him about it. Not right then anyways. She'd so far enjoyed her day for the most part, if you didn't count that crying bit. The other stuff kinda made up for that anyways. So while it was on her mind, she really didn't want to throw that into the mix and have it ruin everything.

It was certainly an answer he had been expecting, with it's lack of specifics. And if she didn't want to get into things right now, he wouldn't push her because that would probably only lead to more arguing. "Weirdish is the norm for me," Chance said, straightening away from the wall. "You don't have to tell me about anything now, if you don't want, but...I'm around if you ever do. Wanna talk about it, I mean."

Kaysen's gaze followed him, and she nodded. Then, after a minute, she added something. "Thanks." she said, sounding slightly confused but very genuine. It was weird, hearing it, but she kinda believed him there. Sure, in ten minutes she probably wouldn't believe him again, but for right now she did.

"Yeah." At least he had put it out there. It was up to her whether or not to follow through with it. He kind of hoped she did, because he was still curious about the things she had told him in regards to the fire stuff. Hopefully that Charlie girl she'd mentioned was helping where he couldn't. "So you wanna walk a bit more? Or we could get food, or something...?"

After thinking about it for a lot less time than she probably would have a few days ago, she nodded. "Okay." she said. "For um...whatever." God, that sounded accommodating of her, didn't it? But she really didn't mind. She was good for hanging out with him. Things were weird, but not so bad. She wasn't minding.

"Okay, how about we walk for a bit, and then maybe we can go to the festival and get some food, or wherever." Because that would be a perfect excuse to spend more time with her rather than just a couple of hours. With school starting up, it would be harder to do this, so he planned to take full advantage of it. And it felt like things had somewhat changed this afternoon, with their fight, and the kissing. And it felt like it might have changed for the better. School would be their next big test, Chance thought. Because it was a completely new environment and situation. He only hoped it didn't cause them to revert back to awkward weirdness. He supposed he would just have to wait and see.