back to the closet

Who: Dean and Thia
Where: Their house
When: Afternoon

It felt almost odd to be home. The house was quiet, clean, tidy, perfect. The journey home had been tense, they'd been through the third degree from worried guardians and between them, they'd explained. Dean himself was exhausted, filthy and aching. All he'd wanted was a shower, to finally manage to wash off the dried demon brains and blood that seemed caked into his skin, and he'd supposed that Thia felt the same way. It was almost like he wouldn't properly be able to think until he was clean again, that what they'd gone through wouldn't actually be over, though they'd left it all behind.

He'd taken himself off to his bathroom as soon as he could, abandoning his clothes on the floor and letting the water rinse the worst off before he scrubbed himself all over, until his skin rang with the effort. He doubted he'd ever enjoyed shaving so much. It all just... helped. Helped him feel normal again, helped him feel less... He didn't know how to finish that. he hadn't panicked, he hadn't broken down, he hadn't had any of his usual issues over the last few days, and he still didn't know how to deal with that. Maybe, once he was feeling normal, that would come - a breakdown of some point. That would feel normal for him.

Clean and dry, Dean headed out into his closet, pulling on random clothes enough to keep him warm, and then he sat down and waited, his back against the wall as he settled in the midst of the nest of blankets which lay on the floor of the closet. He figured that she'd come here, eventually. It was just what they did, and right now he needed it, and, he figured, so did she.

Lullaby had opted for a bath. A long, long bath that took her tension and eased it a little. She cleaned up, then soaked, and she let the perfumed flowery scent of the bubble bath she used sink into her skin. That was very, very nice after having been at the asylum for as long as they'd been, and she'd gotten demon-gore splattered. So, she was also most certainly glad to take the time, get herself back together again, and relax. When she was done with that, though, she went, threw her pajamas on, grabbed another snuggly blanket from the wardrobe in her room, nabbed Henna, and headed to Dean's closet.

Her only pause was to scritch Oz' head on the way there, before she disappeared into Dean's room, and opened up the closet to slip inside, shutting the door behind herself. Reaching out to where she knew he'd be, she waited for him to grab hold of her and put her wherever he wanted, just like he usually did.

He'd heard her head into his bedroom, and though he hadn't moved from where he was sitting in the almost-dark of the closet (some light was spilling in through the doors to the bathroom and his bedroom), he reached up to catch her hand as she got to him, and pulled her down into his lap, resting her back against him and encircling her with his arms. He took a moment or two simply to snuggle against her, resting his chin on her shoulder, not saying anything at all.

Lullaby relaxed, and hugged his arms around her and snuggled in herself, also taking a few long moments just to let herself be happy where she was, to feel warm and safe, loved and comforted. She hugged her bunny, she had her blankets, which she spread over Dean too, and she drew in a deep breath, letting it out slow. "I feel a little better now." she said, tilting her head back to rest against his collarbone like she liked to do. "You?"

"I feel cleaner," he agreed, not sure how much he felt 'better' - he was still feeling a little off, like he should be feeling worse. It was just slightly unsettling. "Remind me to stand further back next time..." that was another thing - three days ago, that gun had been locked in the orphanage and he didn't want the key, now he was talking about 'next time', like he'd put aside all the reasons he hadn't wanted the thing in the first place. One of which was that he wanted it too much, and that really hadn't gone away. Worse than that, he now had justification for why he needed it.

She nodded, listening. "I'll do that." she told him, rubbing lightly at the back of his hand. "Remind me not to fade back in at inopportune times." she added. Since that had been what got her. She was sort of letting her mind drift over things, even if she'd been actively not thinking about all of it while they'd been there. She was dealing alright, and that was still sort of...strange. She had thoughts about that, though, and decided to share them. "I think that it was easier being the people present who'd dealt with things this bad before." she mused, voice soft, thoughtful. "I felt more...I don't know, solid? Steady? Especially seeing other people not dealing well at all. It kind of...made it more important that I didn't join them."

"You think?" Dean asked, wondering at that. He'd been putting his ability to cope down to something potentially worrying, wondering if he'd lost some part of himself somewhere along the way that meant that he didn't care as much, or something. He didn't know - all he knew was that he found it easier, this time round. People had died, and he'd coped. He felt like it shouldn't be that way. "I... I felt like that as well," he admitted, somewhat hesitantly.

She hummed an affirmative. "Yes, that's what I think. I mean...everyone else there, or most people weren't at all prepared to deal with this. Eben, Taylor, Jeri...and seeing them not knowing how to deal, and knowing other people didn't think...well. Like we do. In tactics or strategy, how we can be the most efficient, it sort of forced my headspace into a place where I knew I needed to be." She sighed. "I guess after you've felt screaming terror running through your veins a few times it's less overwhelming the more it happens." Which meant two things. That it was a bit disturbing, but also might at least mean they were better suited to long term survival.

Dean considered this before answering. "I guess I found that I knew what to do," he said, after a moment or two. "Like, everyone else was standing round looking at this body - and I was phoning you. And it kind of went on from there. Just always looking at the next step. I mean, I've always been like that, but this time... Usually I have to force myself, y'know? To keep going, to not stop, because I know that if I do I'm not going to be able to start back up again. But this time, that wasn't there. Not even after that girl was killed. This time I didn't spend the whole thing felling like I was two steps away from breaking apart."

"...I didn't feel like I needed to make you take the time." she said. Usually that was kind of her job. Making Dean stop for a few moments to reset, then going from there. "And yeah, with her, I just...it brought back really horrible memories but it didn't stop me." she said. "I think there were only a few of us who were really prepared to deal with any of that. I didn't want to let anyone down." she admitted.

He hugged her a little more closely as she said that, knowing it was the truth. He also knew that what had happened to her was the reason that Dean hadn't even considered going out there after the girl, not for a moment. "Is it bad to just know there are some people you can't save?" he asked her, his tone clear that he wasn't sure about that.

She gave that thought before she answered, mulling it over silently as she did so. "I don't think so." she said after a while. "I think...I think that it's just the truth. It happens. We can't save the entire world. And we shouldn't feel like we have to or we're going to go very crazy very fast. I hate it? But I think that it's something that we're just going to have to accept, too. If not, we're not going to be able to save anyone." she assessed. "I think we're going to have to do what we did just...concentrate on the people we can save. Or try to." Which was a really practical way of viewing things, but the situation they'd been in was one that she felt was a harsh if good example.

Dean didn't reply to that. he didn't really know what to say, because he knew it made perfect sense. He felt like he'd already known the answer before he'd asked the question, he just hadn't wanted to admit it. And even now - he knew it made sense, but he didn't like it. It felt like it wasn't good enough, but then again, Dean always felt like he wasn't good enough. The only thing that made it easier for him to accept and live with was the fact that she hadn't referred to 'him', she'd been talking about 'we' - she'd been referring to 'them', which meant that it was her as well. And whilst Dean rarely thought anything of himself, he thought the world of her.

She let the silence stretch out for a little while, still tracing on the back of his hand, and she thought about reactivating the spell on his arm but he'd just got out of the shower and everything, so it would have already been reactivated. He smelled nice, something she appreciated, and she turned her head to nuzzle at his freshly shaven cheek, too. Drawing in a deep breath of clean-dean scent, and letting herself indulge there a moment, she attempted to mentally prepare herself for Issues she knew she had in her head that they were going to need to discuss. Like her using her own blood to combat demons, effectively, even. And the other was there was a rather large cross section of people now who knew about her. And while she didn't think she'd really been hit upside the head with lame or anything, she was still worried about it all.

Dean wasn't pressing the conversation either. He knew he had things about the last few days, but he couldn't really put them in any order. He knew that Sophie had been being Paranoid at him before he left, but he hadn't actually thought that anything would happen, and then shit happened, Thia was there, he was dealing, and everything else got pushed to the side, but not for the usual reasons. Not because he was pushing to the side the things he couldn't cope with. The matters that had got pushed to the side this time were issues that they didn't have time to deal with. There was a big difference. "You know, I did want you there," he told her, eventually. "Even though I know I should really have just wanted you somewhere else, somewhere that was safe. I really wanted you to stay."

She smiled a little at that. "I wanted to be there." she told him. "You know when there was the possibility that you were leaving, before Sophie and Oz got married. I told you then that I wanted to be wherever you are. That's true, it's still true, and if you're going through anything like that I want to be there with you. And if it had been the other way around, I'd be the same way. I know I'd want you safe. I know that I probably shouldn't want you in the middle of it with me, but I would want that anyways. I deal better with you there. I feel like between us both, we can handle things. We have handled things. But I think it's because we're together."

"I think so too," Dean agreed. It had definitely been the case in the past. There had been times when her presence was the only thing that had held him together. He knew that for a fact. He wondered if she needed him as much as he knew he needed her, she could be such a strong person. But, he knew, she'd been through so much recently - he liked to think that he'd helped there. She'd told him that he'd helped there, that she'd needed him. That he was needed. "I'm sorry that I had to bring you into the middle of all of that though."

She shook her head a little bit. "I'm not." she said. "Even if it was in the middle there where people could see me, with that situation, I don't actually think I could have stayed under the radar for very long. I wouldn't have been able to help effectively if I hadn't been out in the open with people. Plus, you know I would have been showing up the second I knew anything was amiss, or I couldn't get ahold of you." she told him. "This way I just got there sooner and was there to help all the more time sensitively. So, don't be sorry. I'm glad to know that the first thing you did was call me." she told him honestly. "Makes me feel better, knowing that."

After their conversation outside the chapel, and the things she'd said, Dean didn't mention the gun. He knew that a lot of the reason that he'd called her first was that he'd known that he'd needed the gun. But, he'd made her feel like a messenger, apparently, so he took the route that he considered to be the diplomatic one and simply didn't say that. "I'm glad that nobody had a really bad reaction to you. I mean... They didn't, right? There's nobody that I... Y'know, need to have a talk with."

"No one seemed to have a bad reaction. But I think it was because they were busy having a bad reaction to everything else. Honestly I don't know if you need to talk to anyone, or if I should. A few people I think will be fine. And I know that there'll probably be other people who'll try and keep it quiet if they hear other people going on about it. But like...I never knew Eben very well, and he was pretty quiet the whole time. Um...the people who went to the kitchen right away, I never met any of them before, so I have no idea what they'll say if anything. I'm scared about it. But it's so unknown I don't even really know if there's anything that can be done."

"Okay, well, erm - I'll keep my ear to the ground. And Caleb will, you know that. And Nic said she would as well, so if there's anything - hopefully we'll hear about it before it gets too far." That didn't seem like enough, but Dean wasn't sure what else could be done. He could go and specifically talk to everyone who'd been there, but he didn't really know that many of them, and he didn't exactly have a good track record with that kind of thing. At least they'd managed to keep her from the site of the rescue squad that had come up. That, at least, was something.

She nodded. "Hopefully." she said. She trusted Caleb, Nic, Thom, Jeri and maybe Taylor not to say anything. But there wasn't anything they could really do and she was well aware of that. She let the silence stretch out farther, and she let her mind drift to her other issue. Not because she wanted to, but because she was well aware of the helplessness she was faced with on the idea that other people were going to keep her secret. It was out of her hands. It was out of Dean's hands. They just had to see and that was kinda terrifying. "The poison worked." she said eventually. She didn't really say 'my blood' because she still had trouble with it. With all of it, really.

Dean had been aware that she'd done it. They hadn't exactly talked about it, save for that first time when he'd said he would support her decision. She hadn't gone into what she'd done, but he knew she'd done it - he'd seen that demon fall. "Yeah, it did," he agreed, softly. There was a masochistic part of him that wondered how she'd done it. Where she'd cut herself to do that. That wondered if it had hurt, whether she'd dipped the arrowhead... He stopped that line of thought very firmly. Wondering those things wouldn't help his frame of mind. This was her decision and he would support her on it, no matter what. That was his job, that was what he did. It was that simple.

"I don't know how to feel about it." she told him. "It was kind of just...I acted?" she suggested. "I didn't think it over or anything, I just knew we had so many people to protect, and if it got any closer that was just going to be less time to take it down and more a chance that people would get hurt, and I'd specifically coated the arrowhead before we left just in case and I just...I don't know. I don't know how to feel, it's like this sort of numb spot in my mind." she told him, rambling a bit. "Is that bad? Am I meant to feel something specific? What do you think, how do you feel?" she asked, his opinion on the matter more important to her than just about anything connected to it.

Dean didn't want to tell how he thought, how he felt. He wanted that to be irrelevant. This was about her - this was about how she thought and felt. His feelings on the matter could be disregarded. All he wanted to do was back her up on what she wanted, his own opinions didn't come into it. He'd given her his opinions, she'd come to a decision and he was with her on that. But, she'd asked, so he needed to come up with something, he knew. "I... Since you decided to do it, I'm glad it worked," he said, after a few minutes, his tone measured. "I - I don't think you're meant to feel something specific. I think you're just meant to be you. It's not bad. Just, sometimes, you can't always deal with things straight off, I guess." That she couldn't, he didn't know what that meant. Not for her.

Not dealing with things straight off. Okay, well she could accept that better. It made her feel less insane for the numb sort of feeling on it. Maybe it would hit some other time and then she would properly deal with it or...or something. She honestly just didn't know. "I didn't think we had much choice." she admitted after a long silence. "There were so many people, and Caleb was really hurt, there were three whole people we knew couldn't do anything to even really defend themselves, a couple others that would maybe be help but we couldn't be sure, and I just...I weighed it. I thought about it and I didn't think there was actually some choice I needed to make. I had something that could stop one of those things pretty fast, so I needed to take it. It didn't feel like there was an 'or' option."

Dean nodded, shifting her slightly in his lap, settling her more comfortably on him. "Sometimes you do things because they're just what needs to be done at the time," he agreed. "Sometimes that choice gets made for you, because the other choice would be one that you'd never actually take. You've just got to do it and worry about everything else afterwards. I mean - it might not be something you would have wanted to do, but life sometimes just... takes over. And it means that you're strong enough to stand up and fight. You helped a lot of people - that's a good thing, kitten."

It was likely a little silly of her, but she smiled every time he called her Kitten. Now was no different, even if the subject matter was heavy. "I keep wondering if it makes me a monster." she said. "Not...not that I did it, because I...well, what you were saying. The other choice wasn't a choice. I wasn't putting everyone else's wellbeing at risk when I knew I had something that I could do to minimize that." she paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "...it's more that I have it at all. That I really am just...poison." It was back to how she felt when she'd first discovered it. What it meant. Even now, she had a long sleeved pj shirt on to cover the well bandaged slice she'd put in her arm to get the blood in the first place. She was always really paranoid about her blood coming into contact with Dean.

"Thia, you're not just anything," Dean told her, patiently, wondering how many times he was going to have to repeat himself on that. "And no, it doesn't make you a monster. At all. What you killed? That was a monster. That was something attacking and killing people who had never done anything to ask for it or deserve it. You would never do that. Ever. You're not a monster. You're never going to be a monster. Just because your blood means that you can kill things - my being a good shot means that I can kill things. My own abilities mean that I'll probably be able to do that one day just by thinking about it. Does the fact that I have that at all make me a monster? Because I have that ability wired into my brain? No - because I'm not going to make that choice. Like you're not going to make that choice. Neither of us will become monsters because we're going to get in our own way. Because even if things get hard, that will always be the choice that would be unthinkable to make." Even as Dean said it, he wasn't so sure about how it applied to himself. He'd been honest when he'd talked to Caleb about his concerns. But himself aside, he believed it for Thia. She was a much better person than he would ever be. And she'd take it better if he brought himself into it, so he told it the way he wanted it to be - he told it that he'd succeed in stopping himself, that he'd be the person he tried to be. That was just how it would be for now.

He was most certainly right. The way he told it, it had a much more profound impact on her than it would have otherwise. It made her feel better, and she hugged his arms around her tighter for a moment as she let it sink in. It was something she could accept. In the end, she nodded, and turned her face in more towards his throat. "Okay." she said. Her voice was soft. Light. "You'll get in my way, and I'll get in yours?" she asked. Are you mad at me that I did it without talking to you first? went through her mind.

"Right, exactly," Dean agreed, resting his chin on her shoulder. Mostly, for her, he was sure it would never be needed - she'd just get in her own way. Hell, what she'd have to do to become what she feared was, as far as Dean was concerned, totally unthinkable for someone like her. The steps wouldn't even occur to her, the path she'd have to take wouldn't be one that someone as nice and sweet as she was would even realise existed. "I'll be there for you, whenever you need me - I'll be there for you," he promised.

She smiled a little. She knew he would be. He'd been there from the start. Even when everything had been so far off the map that she didn't know which way was up, he had been there, helping her deal, being her kite string. "I always need you." she said. "And you're always there for me. I love you. And I know you know that, but still. I'm glad I was there with you, I'm glad you're here for me. I wouldn't do very well without you." Which was actually a huge understatement, but she was just going through her thoughts right then, sharing them.

"I love you too," Dean told her, holding her close. He could say that now, now that they were home, now that there weren't a load of people who were freaking out over demons, who were potentially freaking out over the girl who'd died but who wasn't dead, and who really didn't need to have 'by the way we're in love and have been dating for a while now' lumped onto their list of issues as well. He hadn't liked feeling like he had to hide them like that, and at times he hadn't, but he knew that things had needed to be handled sensitively, and it had only made sense at the time.

She shifted a little, to hug him properly, sliding her arms up around his neck, and she gave him a soft kiss, before she rested her forehead in against his temple. "We made it through another crisis and we're both okay." she said. Which yes, was strange, probably at least mildly disturbing, but...it was there, and probably good. "But I still want to stay in here tonight." she added. Because she did. It was their safe place and even if neither of them was mid mental breakdown, she still wanted her time with him to recover.

That must be a first for us. Dean only just managed to keep from saying that aloud. he so didn't want to introduce that into the mood. He just wanted things to be quiet and bordering towards the positive, even if there were issues popping up from time to time. They could deal with those as they came, he was certain of that. Deal with the issues as they arose, not introduce any that didn't need to be there - like that generally, in crises past, at least one of them had been seriously hurt or worse - and hide from the world. "I don't want to go anywhere either," Dean agreed. There'd been a reason he'd waited in here for her, even if they hadn't discussed about where they'd end up. This was just where they both wanted to be. Their own little safe place.

Thia leaned herself over, and kept leaning, tugging him with her so they could lie down in the heap of blankets. It was nice, comfortable, warm. It was their little nest that just stayed where it was, not ever getting cleaned up. Not really since they'd first made it, which had been to escape from the horrors of the vampire attacks. Where they'd need a little separate space to hide. She was thinking, letting her mind drift over everything and she reached up to play with his hair a little, wanting to, feeling like it had been too long since she'd done that. Hell she used to do it all the time. Of course, often times she'd had to because it calmed him down and relaxed him, so... "Is it strange we're getting better at this? At dealing, and being able to just...come into a situation that bad and see how it needs to be dealt with and go with that and not have to stand and flail with everyone else?" she asked.

He lay down with her, shifting until they were both comfortable, pulling the blanket she'd brought with her up over them and extracting Henna, so that he wasn't sharing her with her stuffed toy. "I... Don't know," he admitted, eventually, having paused over that. Paused because he'd been worrying about the fact that he'd coped, but he didn't know whether it was unnecessary worrying, whether it was just experience telling him how to deal, or whether it was just... That was part of the thing, he wasn't sure what the 'just' could really be. That he'd changed somehow, maybe. He didn't know whether that was good, or bad. But, if it was bad, and if she'd changed in the same way, that meant that he'd have to think she'd changed for the worse and he could never do that, so it made logically thinking about any of it hard. Easier to stay quiet for now.

She shifted around til she was comfortable and exhaled slowly, letting herself relax as she did so, mind still on her own question. "I keep sort of trying to line it up in my head." she told him. "And I think it's just we've got the experience behind us. We know when things get bad you don't have time to sit and blubber over it, or people are going to get hurt. And being there...have I mentioned it's felt weird to kind of feel like...like we were partially in charge?" she asked, wondering if he'd felt that same way, or if it had just been her misconception.

Dean didn't know if they'd been that, in charge - whether partially or not. He never thought of himself as any kind of a leader. He'd been a follower all his life, and had no wish to be anything else. He wasn't the right person for it, in his own opinion. "Maybe - I think there were a few people, who could do that? Some of them - they were just so caught up in the horror of what was going on. But some people coped pretty well. I think everyone kinda pitched in. We just, I mean - well, we weren't hurt or anything, so... Not hurt and not panicking, kinda got to organising people by default, maybe," he suggested.

She kept thinking it over, drifting her fingers through his hair slowly as she did so. "I think some people were dealing alright, but I think you and I had a better idea of what needed to actually get done. Well. And Caleb. But I think people sort of needed the direction. When the demons were killed in the chapel, it was you and I really that kind of...we came up with the idea to move. I think...I think we're not bad at that. And we've done it before, here, with things. Come up with strategies, implemented them."

Dean shrugged. "Mostly that's you though - you're good at that kind of thing," he reminded her, still not actually taking credit for anything. She was good at planning, seeing what needed to be done. He just did it - he didn't plan it out the way she did beforehand. "I guess, for me, this time - I... There were other people there. I couldn't just go and 'do', so we needed to work out how to make it work," he suggested.

Considering that, she hummed lightly. "Maybe. But I don't see myself as being the planning one? I see it as something we do together. and if there are holes in plans we fill them in before we're in the middle of something going 'shit, should've thought of that'." she added. "It was harder for me, thinking about everyone and not knowing what people were capable of. So I had to assume people weren't going to be able to do much of anything if they hadn't displayed it. But I still think...I don't know. I think you and I kind of...I think we did a lot there." she admitted. "And I don't think we did a poor job."

"Maybe," Dean agreed, thinking that he'd definitely made some mistakes. Like the idea that they should go and lie down, get some rest. That had been a good concept, and he still held with the fact it was rooted in something sensible, but it was also proof that not everyone could actually be left like that. That he couldn't just take the assumption that other people would organise. Do things like, say, keep everyone away from the windows. It was the little things that needed to be watched. "We made assumptions," he said, after a moment or two. "About what would keep us safe. And they weren't really founded on anything but rumour and supposition. It cost that girl her life. It got a lot of people injured. Just... That supposition that demons couldn't go on holy ground. But - Caleb said they couldn't and if anyone's gonna know, he would. But these ones didn't seem to hold with that."

"If we didn't make the assumptions, then we wouldn't have been able to form any coherent plans and people would have been milling around doing nothing productive." Thia said, really believing that. "I don't think it cost the girl her life, I think hanging out by the windows when there were monsters out there did. I think it should have been common sense for her not to do that, but she did. I'm not taking responsibility for that." Then she was quiet for a long moment. "...the holy ground thing. And the...monsters. If they were demons, and I believe Caleb, then that just...well. It's something that's been at the back of my mind and I don't like the implications. But, well, here it is." she said. Pausing, she gave herself a second, then continued. "What if it was part of something bigger?" she posed. "Seems pretty off, demons just randomly attacking, and it was surgical, the first strike. All the teachers dead or gone in one fell swoop. That wasn't an accident. That was purpose. They didn't go for just random thrash and trash, either, not like the vampires. They attacked at random, then retreated. Like they were testing defenses. Then there's the storm, which just magically happened to be right where we were, but nowhere else. It doesn't add up. Or, more, it does, I just don't like what it adds up to."

Dean mulled that over. "Just because they were organised, doesn't mean to say that they were part of something bigger," he said, after a moment. "I don't think you can jump to that conclusion. Neither of us knows enough about demons to be able to say what they can and can't do. For all we know - okay, let's for a moment assume that the storm wasn't natural," he said, since from what Oz and Sophie said, it had been highly localised and not forecast. He was willing to assume that. "Maybe they were a kind of demon that can control the weather or something. I don't know whether that's within a demon's powers, but it's possible, maybe. And we don't know anything about the natural behaviour of that type of demon - maybe that's the way that they work. Isolate a bunch of people, then surgically take them down, one by one. And, hell, they're demons, which from what I know pretty much means 'evil'. Taking out the adults and playing with a bunch of supposedly helpless teenagers could just mean 'fun' for them. It doesn't necessarily mean that there's some big conspiracy going on." He paused for a second, not liking that he could talk about what they'd been through that rationally, like it happened to someone else. "But, we should find out more about what it was, because I agree that there's too much about what happened that we're just stuck going 'well, maybe this' over."

"I don't know. I'm definitely not willing to just assume it was nothing, and just really bad luck that it happened." she said, meaning that. "I'd rather think about the bigger picture and be wrong than write it off to maybes, especially when things seem to not stack up well, or more they just stacked up too perfectly. Maybe you're right, but I'd rather think about it and do the research. It just...that was a whole lot there." She didn't share the rest of what was going through her head, mostly because they were all just hypothetical questions, and neither of them would have answers to them. That and he'd just naysayed everything she said so she was sure he'd continue the trend.

"I know there was a whole lot there," Dean agreed with her. "I just don't think you can jump straight to 'there was something else going on' without knowing more about what actually hit us. And I'm not saying let's not research - I just said we should. But the starting point for that would be to look at demons, find out what they were, and see if they would be able to accomplish what they did alone." He gave her a squeeze around her middle and a kiss on her neck. "You've been spending too much time with my cousin, kitten. You're turning all paranoid."

"And I don't think we should rule it out, just because either." she said, sighing a little. "And fine. Maybe I'm paranoid." she said, then bit her lip to silence anything else she might have to say on the matter. Which wasn't usually how they did things, and she didn't feel right about it, but she also felt like she was alone on this. And no one liked being told they were overreacting when they felt strongly about something. So, if he was just going to do that, then she wasn't going to continue on. Like she also didn't feel like it was imperative that he believe her, or take up the same opinion, so she didn't want to press her point in regards to that either.

Dean pushed himself up slightly and rolled her over so that she was lying on her back and he was looking down at her. "Not ruling it out either," Dean told her, reaching up to cup her cheek. "I'm just saying it's not a starting point. I mean, god - if that's... Let's find out what the things that attacked us were first. What they can do. If they, like, normally hunt like that - I mean... This whole thing has really shown me I know bugger all about demons and that needs to change. I hated that, you know - the whole not knowing what we were up against. Not knowing if what we had would even work. But... As scary as it is to think that maybe a bunch of demons could do all that, we kinda need to see if that's possible before we start thinking that there's maybe a scary larger purpose behind it all. Not sure what would be worse, actually."

She looked up at him, not trying to stop him at all when he moved her, and she listened to what he had to say. "I never said it was a starting point. I was just sharing with you where my thoughts were going." she told him. "I agree with you, the place to start is to find out about those demons, as much as we can." she continued, on board with all of that. "I hated not knowing too. And I guess that's the shitty thing about getting most knowledge from horror movies. Nothing's really that solid on actual demons. Possessions and stuff maybe but there isn't like...like a demon type in the movies. And those were very different from the one who'd had hold of me before." Which she always hated thinking about, it made her skin crawl, but it was relevant to the discussion. "They looked different, moved different...but they looked the same, they had clear physical characteristics that matched up." She shook her head and exhaled. "I don't know."

"Well, then I'll stop by Nevermore tomorrow, or talk to Caleb about getting some books," he promised her. It would be tomorrow though - he wasn't going anywhere today. Even if Sophie hadn't made it really damn clear that they weren't to leave the house today, he wouldn't want to be going anywhere. Knowing what they went through was important, but not as important as just stopping for a while. He didn't want to keep going right now.

She nodded, also not wanting to get to it any sooner. She didn't want him going anywhere, she couldn't go herself and didn't want to. She still planned on not leaving the closet for a good long while. Thia watched his eyes for a moment, then curled back up on her side again, tugging the blanket up once more. She shifted around a little to try and get comfortable, which, even if she felt tense wasn't terribly difficult. The little nest-o-blankets was a comfy sort of place, she'd have to try really hard to be uncomfortable.

Dean let himself back down again, curling up on his side, facing her. He reached out and pushed a lock of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "Remember when the world was simple?" he asked. He did, but it was such a long time ago now. It probably wasn't as long ago for her.

She didn't say anything for a few moments, almost drawing back, but in the end she didn't. "Feels like a really long time ago." she said. "Kind of feels like another life." she added, voice quiet. Or, less 'kind of' and more it really did feel like another life. Especially right in this moment. "Do you?" she asked. Her life had been turned upside down more recently. For Dean, though, it had been when he was younger, when he'd first started being able to do things. The beginning of his own downward spiral that had led him to Marquette in the first place.

"A really long time ago, yeah," he agreed. "Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like, if I'd never been able to do anything. How it would have been different. but then I kind of realise that there's no point, y'know? Because I could, and it wasn't. And things wouldn't be simple anyway, right? Isn't that what all the films and the tv shows and everything tell us? That life's just not simple, for anyone. Not once you actually stop being five."

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm sure there are people in the world who don't know anything about this and they live their lives and they're never going to be touched by it either. ...except for the ghosts, but they're fairly dealable." She said, then fell quiet again. "Do you wish things would have been different?" she asked.

Dean thought about that before answering. "There are some things in my life I wish had gone differently. I think it would be weird if there weren't. So, yeah, I guess you could say I wished things were different. But in the way you probably mean? Would I like to have lived the life where I wasn't me? Where I was like... Scott or something? No. No - I wouldn't like to still be in the place I would have been if I'd not, y'know." Gone off the rails, got himself kicked out of school, made his parents think he was going to self-destruct. He would still be back there, a silent little follower to a best friend that didn't deserve him, taking orders and doing whatever. never being himself, ever. He didn't actually want to be that guy again. He'd never actually been happy, being that guy, and at the time he'd blamed it all on his abilities, but some of it at least had just been him.

She nodded, listening to what he had to say on the matter. She thought that he was better off with how things had gone, but then again, she'd gotten a glimpse of what his life had entailed back home and she knew he was better than that. More than that. And there...well. He probably wouldn't ever have come into his own. To Thia, that would have made the world a sadder place to live in. It wouldn't have been right. But it wasn't her place to say, either. She'd wanted his opinion.

He held her more tightly for a moment as she didn't reply. "I wish things had been different for you though," he told her. How could he not? Even though he knew that it would have meant that they would be different - so much about their current relationship had come about because they'd been forced into close proximity, but - she'd died. He'd give almost anything to undo that for her.

Again, she didn't say anything, not for a few long, long moments. She took comfort from his holding her more tightly, and she understood why he would want things to have been different for her. "Do you wish I'd never died in the first place, or that I didn't come back as...what I am now, facing a life that's not really ever going to be a life?" She knew that the fact that she'd been upset before during the course of the conversation was contributing to her mood, where her thoughts were going. Most of the time she didn't allow herself to really think about the long term implications of what she was now. It was too staggering, too terrifying. Too horrifyingly depressing. But at the moment she could, even if it was in almost a detached sort of manner.

"I wish you'd never have died in the first place," Dean answered, skipping the second part altogether, because he was selfish. That's how he considered it - in no world could he ever wish that she'd died and stayed dead. He still remembered the day he'd found her and that feeling that he just didn't care what had happened to her, what she was, she was alive. Her being alive had just been all that had mattered to him.

"If I hadn't been alone in that house, would you still have come to get me?" she asked, thinking that he likely wouldn't have. She'd have been home with her parents. Or, most likely she would have been. Maybe she'd have been at Joshua's, but who knew. Maybe not. She didn't know a lot about what might have gone on otherwise. She just knew what had happened. But if she had to put her mind there, she knew that that event, that decision of his, had been crucial. It was something that could be traced back to on several avenues of their relationship.

"You weren't safe there - it wasn't anyone's home anymore," Dean told her, not wanting to come right out and say 'no'. "If you would have still been at home, I probably would have phoned your mum. Told her to make sure that you stayed in, given her some reason. Then texted you to make sure you knew to stay in, and talked to you the next day."

She nodded, it was what she'd expected. It had been reckless that he'd done it in the first place, if he hadn't felt like he'd had to, then of course he wouldn't have done it. Oz probably wouldn't have let him either. She wound up not saying anything again, though it wasn't because she was trying to hold anything back, and more that she just dropped down into her own thoughts, and none of them were anything she wanted to share with him. They were thoughts that had no answers, no comforting angles to follow.

"It wouldn't have meant I loved you any less - you just... You wouldn't have needed me," he said, feeling a pang at that. He liked being needed by her - which was probably bad, he knew. He should probably prefer it that she be entirely independent and not need him at all. That would be better for her, and he should reasonably be happy for her being like that, not get warm fuzzies at the idea of being needed.

"I know. I don't doubt your feelings then or now." she told him, because that was plain truth. "It wouldn't have been anything you should have done in the first place. Hell, it worked out the way it did and none of us were hurt but it still was dangerous for you to come get me." There was another pause, as she thought about it. "I think I still would have needed you. I think I'll always need you." Which was another aspect of why thinking about the future in any capacity was horrible for her. Because he wasn't always going to be there.

Dean leaned forward and kissed her softly, giving himself that moment of being needed that he liked so much before he did what he considered to be the right thing. "No, you won't," he told her, believing that with all his heart. "You're a strong person, Thia - you won't need me, or anyone else. I'll be here, of course, but you won't need me." He'd have to settle for, hopefully, just being wanted.

She kissed him back, and, as was habit now in this conversation, she didn't say anything for a while. She let her thoughts try and line up, even if she wasn't so sure they did a great job. "I'm strong because I have support. I'm strong because I've had to get over certain things in my life other people haven't. I know what it's like to start from someplace one rung below other people, and make up for it. That doesn't mean that I don't...that I can just do it, and I'll be fine. Especially since learning to cope in a world that's meant for people who can hear everything and I can't, that doesn't even really hold a candle to what I'm going to have to deal with now. Not going out, being worried sick that someone's going to start talking about me and that word'll get out and then we're right back to where we were when we didn't know where my father was. It's possibly less likely that they'll go through other people to get to me but that's not much of a consolation. And beyond that? Do you honestly think I can do any of this alone? That I'd even have made it to where I am now if I didn't have you? If you consider me well adjusted, Dean, that's because of you. And...I know you don't take credit for things, it's like a knee-jerk response for you to just discount anything I say on that, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that right now." she said. She didn't really feel like she could handle it at the moment.

He just nodded, since she didn't want him to do what he'd naturally do, and he didn't know what to say that wasn't that. He didn't know how to take compliments, other than with a partially accepting silence - that was about as good as it got with him. Anything else would feel big headed. "I don't think you'll be alone, Thia," he said, after a time. "I don't think you'll ever be alone - you're... There'll always be people around you. You're that kind of person. Even now, you're that kind of person - people like you. You're sweet and you're lovely and you really care about people and anyone who even stops for a moment to get to know you would see that straight away. There'll always be someone there with you, but if you have people, by friends, that's because you want them, because that's who you are as well. You're not a loner, you do well with people around you. So, it works both ways."

She didn't say what came to mind immediately, which was at one point she'd been social, but she knew she wasn't so much anymore. They'd even discussed that at some point. And beyond that, there was the part where she was meant to be dead. Sure, eventually that would not be so much of an issue, but even so, that was years from now. In that time, the isolation she kept herself in now...could just get worse. She didn't know why it would get better. Plus, there was the last part. "...I don't want to put undue pressure on you, so please don't take this like that. But other people aren't you."

Dean quirked a small smile, just an upturning of one corner of his mouth. "Not going anywhere, kitten," he pointed out to her. He didn't have any intention to do so in the foreseeable future and whilst he was aware that feelings could change he wasn't in any kind of a mood to assume that they would. He liked where they were at at the moment, it was good for them.

It was meant to be comforting, and she wanted it to be. Really, she did. In fact, she knew flat out she needed to stop thinking about the future that she didn't especially want. She was just in a bad place, feeling vulnerable and upset, on all sorts of levels. So it wasn't helping. Curling up a little more, she didn't say anything for a while, just sort of laying there with him, drawing in the scent of him, and trying to shove her thoughts farther away than they wanted to go. "Will you tell me a story? Or...something...really I don't care what right now, I just need to not be in my own head and none of this is...I don't have answers and I know you don't either and I don't want to be thinking all of this stuff." At this point he was probably lucky she hadn't started to cry yet, though that was getting closer. She didn't want to do that to him. He never dealt especially well when she cried.

The smile faded and he frowned a little as she did that, grasping that something was wrong, more than the obvious 'we've just been through a nightmare'. Part of him wanted to refuse her request, to insist that she talked about things, but in the end, he decided that he could give her a while - he'd come back to it. They always came back to it. So, instead, he turned her so that her back was to his front, so he was curled up around her, under the blanket, her head lying on one arm as the other circled her stomach, his mouth near her ear so he could talk reasonably softly as she could hear him. He rooted around for a story - he wasn't very good at starting them, but as long as her standards weren't too high, he could do this. "Once upon a time," he began as his gaze landed on the abandoned Hennabean. "There was a princess who everyone loved, and she loved everyone. She was beautiful too, of course - because all princesses are beautiful. It's like a rule or something. But that didn't matter so much, because she was so lovely to everyone that everyone would have loved her even if she'd looked like a toad."

She didn't know if he was going to do it or not, but in the end, he did, and she felt a little better just for him having started it. Letting her eyes fall shut, she listened to his voice, and felt him breathing against her back. She might have asked a question or two, but in the end didn't, not prepared yet to open her mouth at all. There was still the threat of tears in there somewhere, and she wanted to be sure there wasn't going to be any risk of that before she gave voice to anything. So instead, she listened, and concentrated on everything. His presence, and what it meant, how it felt.

Dean had paused, half expecting her to join in. After all, that was the way their storytelling went. That she didn't told him more than anything else would - she really wasn't doing well right now. It was all he could do to push onwards with the story and not stop and press her to talk about things. "Thing was though that it wasn't true - that everyone loved her. See, most people did, but there was this witch who lived in the forest and she was jealous of the princess for being so lovely and popular. So the witch cast a spell that swapped them round - and suddenly the princess was living alone in the forest and the witch was living in the castle and ruling everyone."

She listened more, mentally setting herself towards picturing it. It didn't happen straight away, as their stories tended to, but when he got to the last part, the switch around, she could imagine that. "Did she just swap their minds, or did she swap bodies?" she asked, since it could have been both ways, really, and while she hadn't planned so much on asking anything, the question was there regardless.

Dean smiled a little as she asked the question, that made him feel very slightly better. "She swapped their bodies, but she cast a spell over everyone - so nobody saw the princess as a princess anymore. They saw her as a woman living alone out in the woods. And people at the palace recognised the witch as their ruler. So, no matter how much the princess told people that she was really a princess, they didn't believe her - and they started to think she was a bit crazy."

She still kept her headspace where it was supposed to be, on the story, even if she could still feel the overwhelming dark thoughts on the edges of her mind. But she kept trying to push them back again. It wasn't even like they were new thoughts. They were just issues she'd not dealt with because she didn't have the mental or emotional equipment to do it. "What did the witch do with her kingdom?" she asked, reaching down to slide her hand over his were his rested against her stomach.

"Oh, see - she was a right cow. It wasn't just the princess she was jealous of, not once she got going. Anyone who had anything that she didn't that she thought she should have, she picked on. Course, she lived in a castle, and you'd think she had enough, but that wasn't true. She wanted it all - even things she couldn't have. Nothing made her happy, but she always thought the next thing would. Or that stopping someone having what she wanted so they didn't have it either would make her happy - but it always just made her see more things that weren't right in her life," Dean explained, turning the story away from the original focus of the princess in the woods.

Thia listened, the imagery in her mind getting more vague as she instead focused on the point. She kept adding new information in as he told it to her, picturing a society where everyone was slowly going downhill. Which led her to her next question. "What did the people do?" she asked. The princess was incidental at the moment, though she was sure eventually she'd come back in.

"Well, the way the spell worked, they didn't remember how things had used to be. Not really. Like, they remembered that once things had been better, but they didn't remember when they started to go downhill, or why. So, they just went about their lives, wishing that things were better, but not thinking really that they were going to be," Dean said, making things up as he went along, filling in the details that she asked for. "But the longer she was in charge, the worse things got, and people were becoming frightened, in case it was them that her rage would fall on next."

"Nobody wanted to stand up against her? Or did the spell mean they couldn't?" she asked. "Any knights or higher officials that wanted to change the tide, get her out before she wiped everyone out?" she asked. It was possible, after she asked the question, that she was looking for him in the story. She was okay with that, though. She was allowed to look for him.

"But she was their ruler," Dean pointed out. "And, as far as they knew, she always had been. She was born to it - just because they didn't like her didn't mean they weren't loyal. The knights were her knights, the officials her officials. Sure, they might have muttered about her in corners and behind her back, but they didn't try and take her down. Though there was one knight who started trying to do what he could within the system."

"What did he do?" she asked, latching onto that. That place where it might be him, someone she was happy about having even in the confines of a story she was being told. It said something to her, about the way she viewed the world and her own anxieties, but she didn't especially want to change them. Nor did she find reason to. Not really.

Dean paused in his story to lay a kiss on the back of her neck, blowing softly over the area the way she sometimes did to him. "Just little things at first. There was one girl and the witch was jealous of her long, red, curly hair and ordered for the girl's head to be kept shaved, and ordered that the next person who she saw with red hair would have their head chopped off as a punishment. So, this knight, he cut the girl's hair and made sure that was done, but he also sent messengers out to warn the people in the castle and the city to cover or dye their hair if they had red hair, so that they didn't upset the queen. That way nobody got hurt. And he took the girl's hair and had it made into a wig, so that the witch could wear it and be pleased with it. not that she was - she was never pleased with anything. But it calmed her down enough that she forgot all about the people with red hair and moved onto something else."

She shivered a little at the kiss and his breath against her skin, though it was a pleasant sensation. One she most certainly appreciated. She gave his hand a little squeeze in return for it, to let him know she appreciated it, even if she didn't want to say so and interrupt his narrative. "Smart man." she observed, voice still soft and quiet, but there was the lightest note of amusement in there too. "What did he do next?" she asked.

"He did little things - things that wouldn't really be noticed. He paid attention to her, and he watched. And he started to be able to read the witch's moods. So, he could lots of times second guess where she was going to go next. So it started to be that she'd turn to be mad at something, only to find that it wasn't the way she thought and she couldn't be mad anymore." he squeezed her hand back. "But it wasn't working the way he thought it would," he added, his voice turning a little sad. Dean wasn't very good at making up stories about highly successful knights who rode in and saved the day through feats of cunning and clever. They always seemed to end up cocking up somewhere along the line. "Because, really, not being able to be angry at things just made the witch angrier still. And, for a while, the knight got away with it, but eventually, she realised what he was doing and she decided that he was tricking her and making fun of her. That he thought he was cleverer than she was."

Thia tilted her head a little, not quite looking back at him or anything, but tilting her ear more towards him as it were. Her eyes were open again and she was gazing in the semidark towards the tub of lego and Henna where she lay. "What did she do to him?" she asked, figuring there'd have to be a dire consequence for the witch turning on him. Though she imagined that she'd take most offense to the idea that he was making fun of her.

Dean leaned up so that though she wasn't turned round entirely, he could look down into her eyes. "What do you think she did?" he posed, quietly pushing her to join in the story more if she felt like it. Things weren't usually this one-sided between them, after all.

She looked up at him, and watched his eyes for a long moment. And in that moment, she appreciated him. She'd told him earlier that she needed him and that was the truth. This was part of why. Because he'd take the time to do this. And now, after he'd gotten it going, he was engaging her in it too. Because they had the kind of relationship that allowed this in the first place, and she loved him for it. She loved him for a lot of things, but right then, it was the simple things. Reaching up, she brushed the backs of her fingers over his cheek. "Killing him would have been too quick, even if that was the first impulse she'd have. She'd want something that would last, something that she could revisit when she was feeling particularly spiteful." she answered.

Dean nodded, tilting his cheek in towards her hand slightly as he continued looking at her. "Right. And we've already established that she was never happy with anything. So, why rush it. She was never happy, but always thought she would be happy once she got the next thing - so, with what she did to him, there would always be a next thing."

"She'd want to make an example of him, to discourage anyone else from taking up the fight. Though really, she didn't understand that some of the people already had. That they knew it would only be a matter of time, and there was an underground network already in place. Not a large one, and not one that was even ready to start doing anything, but there were ideas." she said. "Wanting to make an example of him would war with her internal desire to take him, the little bright spot the people liked, away from them. She would want to keep it private for that sake. She couldn't decide what would work best, so she would have to implement the first stage...which was casting a spell so he could speak only lies."

Dean considered this, trying to figure out the way that would work. "Did he know that he was telling lies?" he asked. "Or were people just not hearing what he said?"

"In a moment of ill conceived spite, she believed that he wouldn't be able to find a way around it, because she was proving to herself that she was more intelligent than he was, so yes, he knew. She also believed it would hurt him more, having to lie to people he'd been trying so hard to stand up for." she decided.

"But what she hadn't thought about was that not all lies have to be hurtful. Because, really, all a 'lie' is is something that's not strictly true. So, the knight worked his way round that one - he just made sure that what he told people wasn't exactly true, but got close enough that he could get the same ends. Course, it caused him some problems sometimes - and it was frustrating, never being able to say exactly what he meant, because he was a knight - and knights have a code of honesty and chivalry and he had to break that every day. But he hadn't really been happy since the day that he'd started trying to get round the witch anyway. After all, trying to make things better for her - even if it was just to stop things getting worse for everyone else - had kind of been eating at him anyway. She didn't deserve some of the things he'd done for her."

"Seeing that the spell hadn't had quite the result that she'd been going for, she decided to exact another stage of revenge." she said. Then had to smile just a faint bit up at Dean. "Something that would get to him, because he seemed to take everything in stride. Something that would be something he couldn't ignore, because she felt like his attention wasn't entirely on her or the suffering he was meant to be feeling." she continued. "And that was...." she paused, then waited for him to fill in that blank.

"...Something that she thought long and hard about," Dean continued, picking up where she left off, glad that she was joining in now. He liked that, even if it meant that the story was going in a very different direction than he intended. He didn't mind about that at all, he wasn't very good at telling stories anyhow, so if she wanted to push him in another direction to make it better for her, then he could roll with that. "At first, she did consider turning him into a frog - but that's so done. She wanted something that would really make him stop, trip him up - make life hard for him. So, in the end, she took away his sight - though she considered she was nice about it because she did it with magic and didn't just gouge his eyes out. Then she turned him out of the palace, so he'd have to fend for himself - though she kept a tracer spell on him so she could find him whenever she wanted and enjoy his misery."

"The people at first tried to help him, but punishments were doled out pretty swiftly in such cases." she said, thinking of the logic of the witch. If made up fairytale characters had logic, that was. "So, he really was left to fend for himself after a while. The underground network that was trying to get going was still trying, wanting to find ways around the witch's spells, but so far hadn't come up with much of anything." she said, then left it off for him again.

"Of course, it didn't help ether that he still couldn't tell the truth. And while he'd done okay with it before, added on with the frustration of being blinded, and being banished from the castle out into the countryside, life became much harder and he ended up wandering, not knowing where he was or where he was going," Dean told her, filling in his part.

"Which is where the wayward and forgotten princess comes back in." Thia said. "Which started with some overly friendly forest creatures, who sort of herded him along til he got towards her place. When she went out to investigate, by then he was a bit malnourished and needed little things like a good bath and a bed to sleep in. Which, being she was just 'that crazy woman' by now and really lonely, she was happy to provide."

Dean smirked at her slightly, as she brought the princess back in in a manner that had gone very much against his original intentions for that character. But this was very firmly no longer his story, it was their story, and he would roll with what she put into it. Mostly. "When the knight started to be pushed along by furry things, he worried at first that he was going to be eaten. Probably by bears. He figured that this? Mostly likely was it. Especially since the witch had taken his sword. He was pretty bloody amazed when he found a door to a house and went inside. Even more so when a girl greeted him.

"The princess, though, was pleased to see him. When the witch had switched them round, she'd given her what she'd been - everyone had been afraid of the woman in the woods, and with good reason. Now they were afraid of the woman in the woods and thought that she was crazy. That had been very frustrating for the princess, who had been loved by everyone all her life. She'd got pretty depressed about it for a while, but she wasn't the type to just sit around and mope. So, she might have been lonely, but she'd been making the most of the witches cottage - which was the next mistake the witch had made. Since she'd left all her spell books behind."

Thia was amused by the bit about the bears. She'd always thought the fuzzy animal brigade was such a silly part of disney fairytale mutilation that she'd had to put it in. Just to have something to laugh at, even if she hadn't actually laughed yet. "She'd been going over all of the spell books, trying to separate out what she could and couldn't do, and of course, what she was and wasn't willing to do. Since quite a lot of the spells were evil." she said. "She also tried her best not to frighten the guy. Part of that was never mentioning the princess thing at all to him. He'd probably heard the stories, but she wouldn't bring it up."

"So, there was the knight, blinded, only able to lie, standing in a room - it had been a few weeks since he'd last been inside by now. His armour was pretty rusty, all things considered. It had rained a lot," Dean explained to her. "In this strange place, where he wasn't entirely sure where it was. And there was this female voice, that was trying to be nice to him. It had also been a while since anyone had been nice to him. Lately, the best he got was people shutting the door in his face. And he'd stopped asking people for anything, since it got them in trouble."

"Being just a tiny shade of batty by being starved for company, she was pretty accommodating. She also tried to use some of the more useful spells she'd found, but she wasn't all that good at magic yet. She needed practice. Like she tried to fix his armor. It just didn't quite work like it was meant to." she said, but she didn't explain how, leaving that to Dean to fill in. By now she was relaxed a lot more. Her thoughts were successfully pushed back, shut behind the doors in her mind. Dean was good for her in a whole lot of ways. This was one of them.

"Her plan had been to clean the rust off his armour, but she went for overkill and the armour got cleaned so much that it broke and fell off.  Which, really, the knight didn't mind so much, since it had been heavy and uncomfortable and it wasn't like he was doing a whole lot of fighting these days anyhow. It just made a bit of a mess on her floor - which he apologised for, though it wasn't very smooth, since he also tripped over the breast plate at the same time and landed in a heap at her feet," Dean continued, working on making the knight much less of a hero that he'd seemed at first.

Thia did give a light laugh at that, more of an exhale, really, but it was clear she found it funny. "Feeling terrible about ruining things for the poor guy and that he was falling over things, she immediately set to apologizing, and she attempted to get him up off the floor. She also owned up and explained that she'd made a mistake, and she hadn't meant to wreck things." she said.

Dean recognised that they were falling into roles now - or so it seemed, to some extent at least. She was playing the princess, he the knight. Not an unusual situation in their storytelling. He could go with that. "He wanted to tell her that he really didn't mind, and that the armour had been heavy and uncomfortable anyway and that, really, she'd done him a favour. But that it was a little cold without his armour on and could he have a blanket. But he could only lie, so he ended up telling her that it only bothered him a little bit to lose armour that he'd had since he was a very small child and that had never fitted him well anyway and had been cheap and should have been replaced years ago. And that he was freezing now as well."

"She insisted that she heat up a bath for him, which she did have a spell that tended to work for, and so she set to doing that right away. After getting him a blanket. That was fairly necessary. She also kicked up the fireplace a little more, and made him tea. It was mint tea. She also tried to put the armor off to the side so she could attempt to fix it again later. Only in a much more conventional manner, considering she didn't trust herself to hit it with another spell." she continued, not even recognizing that they'd fallen into the roles as it were. She was just going with the story.

"Only being able to tell lies had turned the knight into a pretty quiet type of person. And being blind meant that he couldn't do what he normally would do - which would be to try and help out. So, in the end, he found a chair and sat and waited for her to be done, not knowing who she was, or why animals had brought him here rather than eating him alive," Dean continued, slowly letting her take over the lead of the story now that she showed signs of doing that.

"She got everything situated then led him to the bath, telling him she'd make supper and all if he'd be okay to stay for the night, and she promised she'd fix his armor, if he gave her enough time. Really, she wasn't at all sure she could do it, but she wanted to try. She also chalked up the knight's quiet to the whole 'trapped in a house in the middle of the woods with some crazy woman' thing. She didn't try to push it too hard, she didn't want to run him off, see." She said. Then paused. "Meanwhile, back at the castle, the witch wasn't too happy with her knight having wandered off."

"She couldn't find him," Dean agreed, taking the change of scene, since that was where Thia went with it. "She should have realised that he was at her cottage, because she'd put a spell on it many years before so that nobody could spy on anyone in that place. What she didn't realise, though, was that that was the only place anywhere that the spell on the knight wouldn't work. So it wasn't that obvious. But, it was like he'd just dropped off the world and she wondered if he'd starved to death finally. Which would be oddly disappointing - she was a little obsessive about the knight," Dean advised, as if passing on a secret.

She smiled at that, looking up at him. "She was. And because she was, it was driving her insane. She didn't know where he'd gone, she didn't know if he'd found some way to outwit her again, and she didn't know if he was dead. And, because she'd been so harsh on the people before about it all, no one seemed to have any information for her whatsoever. So she started to put out searches for him. Wanted posters were put up all over town, she even started sending people to other kingdoms to see if he'd escaped her wrath that way somehow."

"And in the meantime, the knight took a bath," Dean continued, flipping the scene again. "Which he really needed - living outside like he had been doing, well, he was pretty smelly. And the one time he'd tried to wash off in a handy river, he'd nearly drowned cos his armour sunk him to the bottom. Luckily, it wasn't that deep and he could crawl out, but he wasn't going to try that one again. It did explain the rust though..."

"And the princess tried very hard to make a good meal, even though her cooking skills left something to be desired." Thia continued. "After all, she hadn't been doing it that long. Plus, there wasn't any meat involved anywhere because it's really hard to have rabbit stew when you snuggle with bunnies on a fairly regular basis. But she gave it a shot, anyhow, and she moved everything she could in the cottage out of the way and towards the walls so the knight wouldn't trip over anything when he was done with his bath."

"The knight wasn't picky about the quality of the food - he hadn't eaten really in a while now. It wasn't great - but that did mean that he could tell her it was the best food he'd ever tasted. Sometimes lies can be good for people, and he always attempted to use them positively where he could," Dean explained. "So, they managed to get through dinner okay, though he was a very messy eater - he hadn't been being blind for very long."

She smiled faintly there, a light little smirk. "And she was terribly flattered at what he said, and it made her happy. What worried her more was the whole messy eating thing. Not because she was a cleanliness nazi, but because it sort of said to her that he probably hadn't been blind long. So, she asked about it, hoping she wasn't offending him in the process."

"Of course, the knight couldn't tell her the truth, so he said that he'd been blind for a while and that it had been a sort of accident - which was really the nearest he could come to telling her the truth. He didn't add in any details about the accident though. Just because he couldn't tell the truth didn't mean he had to make up particularly fancy lies," Dean explained. "He was glad that she took his complement though - she sounded happy at it, and that made him smile."

"She thought he looked very sweet when he smiled. Plus being not dirty and stinky went a long way as well. In the end she accepted his story and figured she wasn't getting details because it was a painful topic. She also asked him if he'd like to stay. The princess was very lonely and didn't really want him to leave right away. So, she gave all sorts of convenient excuses why he might need to stay, such as it was already late now, and he really couldn't leave without his armor being fixed either, and she had the room in the cottage and everything." Thia continued. "Even if it really did only have the one bedroom, but she didn't tell him that. She told him it was a guest room, and she planned to sleep in the front room."

"The knight did want to stay - he didn't particularly enjoy being homeless. And there were bears out in the woods - or so he thought. He could still be eaten, after all. He wasn't a fan of the idea of being eaten. And she was lovely - he liked being around her. But, he knew the witch would get mad if someone helped him, and, really he'd stayed too long already, so he told her that he had to go," Dean said, shifting in his position slightly. "He said that she shouldn't keep the armour because it wasn't going to be able to be fixed, but really he thought she shouldn't keep it because if the witch found her with it, she would be punished and she'd been such a nice person to him he couldn't stand that."

When Dean shifted, Thia took the opportunity to reach up and draw the chain out from beneath his shirt, she she could play with the necklace there, the cross and her ring that he had on it. "She really hated the idea of him leaving. It was clear that he wasn't in a good way in the first place, and the woods could be a scary place. Plus, cold and he was blind for petesake. So, she tried insisting, saying that really it was no trouble whatsoever and she would even prefer it if he stayed. The princess even went so far as to admit that sure, she had pets and all but they weren't the best conversationalists, and she never saw people around anymore."

"He wanted to stay, he really did - and that meant that the lie he had to tell was one that was in her best interests. After all, if he stayed then she would be punished. So, he told her that he didn't want to stay, which came out a little meaner than he'd meant it to, but it was for the best, but he didn't like it and it upset him a little," Dean told her, shifting again, this time closer, as though she'd pulled him in by the chain. She did that sometimes.

"Well, he did manage to upset her. She was a little fragile when it came to things like that at the time, since he was the first person around and he didn't want to stay. But she also understood, and she apologized for making him uncomfortable. She still planned to fix his armor, but she'd have to do it faster, and get it back to him before he got himself lost in the woods. She wasn't going to let the first person who had been by turn her into a bitter woman, after all, even if the potential was there. Plus, she told herself she was used to being shunned because she was the nutty woman in the woods everyone shunned, so she should have expected it." she continued, her mind adding in little details like firelight, and a cold breeze blowing through the drafts in the place. "She did try to convince him to stay at least until dawn, because there were wolves in the woods." she added.

"He thought about this, then asked if there was a woodshed he could stay in instead. or some kind of outbuilding. That way, if the witch found he'd been here, she might think that the girl hadn't known about it, if he'd not stayed in the house. And he could ask, because you couldn't exactly lie or tell the truth in asking a question. Questions were useful like that," Dean told her, changing his story thread slightly because he didn't want to end up with a disappointed and dejected princess on his hands. That really hadn't been the point of this story and if he had to manipulate things to get to the place he wanted to be, then he'd just have to do that.

"She answered no, there wasn't. Really, outbuildings weren't big additions for random shacks in the middle of the woods. So, he'd just have to stay inside. She promised it'd be fine, and she'd not bother him afterwards, but she was going to have to insist that he stay til dawn." she said. She ticked her fingers up the chain then back down, just sort of playing around with it as she spoke.

"Frustrated, but not wanting to really upset her, the knight told her that the army was looking for him. Which was a lie, as far as he was concerned. The witch might be looking for him, but he'd never had any knowledge about whether she involved anyone else. So for all he knew, it was a lie. Anyway, he told her that the army was looking for him and that if they found him there... he didn't finish off that, because he didn't know how to and lie, but he figured that she could fill in the blank. And anyway, she was probably now going to think he was a dangerous weirdo that she didn't want in her house anyway and kick him out," Dean said, rambling a little.

"That kicked up the princess' stubborn streak, and she told him that the army wouldn't believe a word she said anyways, because she was the crazy lady in the woods. And they wouldn't believe she had anyone hidden in her home, because no one would risk staying with her in the first place. Being royalty at one point really made you less inclined to bow to supposed authority, or threats of it. She could deal with people thinking she was mad, but the idea of giving into some lame army guys looking for her guest, that didn't work so well with her." Thia provided, reaching up to trace her fingers along the side of his neck lightly, along the chain.

"The knight wasn't used to that kind of reaction," Dean provided. "The witch had people largely frightened and quelled, so having someone just brush that aside clearly surprised the knight - even if he'd been talking about the army and not the witch directly. So, he agreed to stay, since she was going to be like that about it."

"That made her happy, even if she was still in stubborn mode, where she told him he was staying in the 'guest' room, he'd have a good night's rest, and they'd discuss the rest of this nonsense in the morning." she said, tone effecting that light matter-o-factness the princess would be using. Then she decided to start working on fixing his armor, because if he was going to be determined to leave, she didn't want him going unprotected. Really, being stubborn at people only worked for so long, after all, so she needed a back up plan. Meanwhile, back with the witch, she was getting more and more twitchy."

"This whole knight being missing thing really wasn't working for her," Dean agreed, nodding sagely. "She figured she needed to do something, and do it now. So, she put together a spell to summon him, but because she didn't know where he was, she made it extra powerful and it didn't just summon him - it summoned the entire house..." he left it hanging so that Thia could decide what happened with the suddenly appearing house.

She giggled a little bit. The mental imagery was funny, so, he got that out of her. She also found his hand, and took off her ring to try it on all of his fingers, like she did from time to time. "The results were less than desirable. Mostly because she had been in her witchy workshop when she summoned the knight, which meant she now had house-bits everywhere, random fuzzy animals, a pissed off princess, and all in all it was a huge mess. She'd set up a circle to contain the knight, and that part worked, at least, he was safe inside the circle."

"But that did still mean that the princess was free - plus with an army of animals on her side. Which the witch really hadn't expected. Really, she'd never seen the princess up close or face to face and didn't really know all that much about her. The witch's jealousy didn't need details to kick in," Dean explained.

"The animals certainly went totally batshit and started messing up all the workshop's stuff. They ran around rampant, breaking vials, knocking over trinkets, everything in their path they set about destroying in some way. The princess, she headed up to the witch and in a stunning display of not well thought out assaults, she simply smacked her right across the face." Thia put in, turning her ring around his ring finger, at the first knuckle, which was as far as it went.

"The knight, meanwhile, trapped in his circle, just watched all this. He couldn't help because, well, it was a containment circle and he couldn't leave it - and the witch hadn't put anything helpful in there for him, of course. So he just listened as someone actually directly stood up to the witch - which nobody had ever dared do before because they were scared of her magic. But what nobody but the witch knew was that if the princess died then the witch would just go right back to being a witch again, and she really didn't want that. She'd never liked being the crazy woman in the woods," Dean explained, wiggling his finger a little.

Turning the ring again, she then continued the process. "So, the princess didn't get immediately smote for cracking the witch a good one." she said. "But something else was happening. With all the magic in the workshop mixing together and getting destroyed, spells were breaking, and unpredictable effects where happening too. The place was lit up like fireworks, chaos spreading all over and outward over the kingdom. The only place it didn't touch was the circle the knight was in."

"That was frustrating for the knight, because he'd had a whole lot of magic heaped on him, plus he couldn't actually see what was happening. He could piece together a lot from the noises, but he couldn't actually get the whole picture," Dean said, holding out his other hand in case she wanted to do that as well. He didn't mind her messing. "But the witch was beginning to panic, because she could feel her control slipping. She turned away from the Princess as a squirrel went to knock a really important glass vial off a high shelf. She had to stop him - that one was the cornerstone, it controlled everything, if that got broken, she was done for. The squirrel just had to die!"

Thia smiled brightly up at him for a moment and she started to try her ring on his other fingers, pleased he accommodated for her. And, to show that, she tugged him down by he chain, and gave him a soft little kiss, just beneath his jawline, the place she really liked to give him kisses. Then she continued the story. "Well, with the witch quite suddenly being nothing but focused on some poor little squirrel, it became really wicked obvious that what the fuzzy little guy was up to was something the witch didn't want messed with. So, the princess did the only thing she could at the moment which was reach out and grab the nearest accessible part--which happened to be a good handfull of the witch's hair and she yanked her back so the squirrel could continue it's work."

"The squirrel had no idea that what it was doing was at all important, but it knocked the vial off the shelf with its tail and it shattered on the floor and, suddenly, everything exploded in a puff of multicoloured smoke," Dean supplied, very much appreciating the kiss and having to force himself to go on with the story and not get completely distracted.

"With that, a few things happened. One was, the spell that had been over the kingdom broke. Everyone could remember the princess, and while it didn't erase anything that happened, they at least knew the score. Or, a confused one that they were left to speculate on, but it didn't take rocket scientists to figure it out. Magic was still going off in all sorts of directions, but the witch seemed to have disappeared...back to the spot her house had been before it got destroyed, so she was left with an ill standing hearth and some furniture that'd seen better days. The princess was still there, and she ran over to the knight, and scratched a break in the circle, releasing the knight, which she'd learned from her reading of all the magic-type books." Thia said, finishing the play with her ring, and she put it back where it belonged, then went back to playing with the chain around his neck.

"But that left them with a problem," Dean pointed out. "Because the knight had been trapped inside the circle all that time, protected from the magic. Which meant he was still blind, and still could only tell lies. So, he felt like he was a bit buggered - plus, he still didn't know what was going on, which was the first thing he asked her. But he was a loyal guy, and he knew she was his princess now, so the question got asked from bended knee."

Thia tugged him down again, and nuzzled at his neck a touch, wanting to and not curbing the impulse. "She first tried to pull him up and get him out of crazy magic chaos room, because that couldn't be healthy." she said. "And she tried to explain that the witch was gone but who knew where, and she was probably going to be mightily pissed off wherever she was. And she was probably going to go after the both of them."

"The knight went with her, because she was his princess and, well, what she wanted he did. That was just the way it worked. And he was happy with this, because she was a much nicer person than the witch had been, so he was all sorts of okay with just doing whatever the hell she wanted. Plus, she really seemed to have things in hand. But he had to point out that he was completely useless, what with being blind and everything. Which was a lie, of course, he wasn't totally useless, just pretty useless, but he'd never quite worked out how to point out he could only lie, so he couldn't tell her that. Really, as a helpful-type person, he was pretty shit," Dean shrugged, as he went down and enjoyed being nuzzled.

"Well, the princess wanted to know why he'd been summoned to a circle, that clearly the witch had something for the guy. So she told him he needed to keep close, and she was going to have to try and find spells or something that would help out with the whole blind issue." she said, still nuzzling, letting her breath ghost along his skin. He did smell nice, after his shower and everything, and his skin was all smooth and soft. "She tried to head to her quarters, but the witch had taken them over so they were pretty weird and crazy by now, thus she opted not to stay there. Instead she asked where he had lived."

"A direct question like that was never going to get a good answer out of the knight and he told her that he'd slept with his men in the barracks. Not true, of course, he'd been important enough to have a small suite of rooms. He'd just never been actually important enough for the princess to notice that he'd lived at court for years, but he didn't hold that against her - she was a princess and there were lots of people at court, and anyway, maybe she had noticed him, but that wouldn't mean that she would have had any idea where he lived. After all, eyebrows would really be raised if princesses started to ask for directions to the bedrooms of knights," Dean said, lying back a little more so she could continue on with whatever she wanted to do right now. She seemed a lot more relaxed now, which was good. He didn't like seeing her upset, and whilst he still wanted to know what it was all about, he wasn't looking forward to bringing the subject back up again.

She shifted more towards him, so she could continue what she was up to. She wanted to, it was taking up a bit of her concentration. Not enough to stop the story, but enough that she paused before continuing it. "She didn't figure heading to the barracks would go over particularly well. Especially since the whole populous seemed to be in a bit of an uproar. People were running around, trying to figure out what was happening, there was general confusion. So, she took the knight instead to one of the towers, one she used to head to when she'd wanted to be alone. If anyone was up there they'd just need to leave. At least it would give them a little time."

"He followed, of course, and he wondered where she was taking him, because things were getting quieter as they left people behind. He trusted her completely though and he knew she would never do anything to harm him," Dean said, his voice slightly softer as he looked up at her.

"And she wanted to help him, and keep him safe. And eventually they were up in the tower, and the kingdom below was still in chaos, but until it died down, there wasn't anything that could really be done. She locked out the rest of the world, then led him over to sit down with her on the window seat." Because she loved window seats and there was going to be one in this story, damnit. "Then she asked him to tell her what had happened, since she'd been tossed into the woods. What happened to her kingdom, and what had happened to him specifically." she said, reaching out to tilt his chin to the side a little, so she could give him little light kisses against his throat.

Dean titled his chin up dutifully and enjoyed the kisses as he carried on with their silly little tale. "He told her that he wasn't the person to ask, which wasn't true, since he knew everything that had gone on, of course, but at the same time was to the point, because she'd never get the real story out of him. He couldn't tell her, and he didn't want to give her a tale that wasn't true. He wanted to tell her the truth, he just couldn't - and that made him as miserable as he'd been when the witch ruled everyone."

"She asked why he wasn't. She held his hand," and she slid her hand down to clasp his. "and told him it'd be okay, but she needed to know. And if he couldn't tell her what had happened to her kingdom, then he could at least tell her what had happened to him." She kept giving him little kisses, soft ones that drifted around, covering all of his neck she could comfortably reach.

Dean was finding it hard to concentrate on the story with her doing that. At least, hard to concentrate on coming up with any useful input. He hummed softly for a moment, the skin of his throat vibrating against her skin. "I... He... Was frustrated, because he wanted to tell her the truth, but he couldn't tell her that. he couldn't tell her that he'd been spelled always to lie. And when she took his hand and spoke to him like that, he knew that she would believe anything that he said, which meant that he really couldn't tell her a lie. So, he said nothing at all."

She caught the slip there, of course, and it made her smile just a touch. One thing Thia was a fan of was having a profound impact on Dean. She liked when she could get overt reactions. Even if it was just that little word slip. She nuzzled towards his ear, making a slow progression that way. "She was upset." she said, continuing her end. "Of course. She wanted to know what had happened, and he wouldn't tell her. Which led her to believe that he was so traumatized by it all that it was unbearable to think about." She reached up and tilted his face towards hers, only down a little. "She kissed his forehead," she went on, pressing a kiss to Dean's forehead while she was at it. "And she said, 'I promise, I'll make it right, whatever happened'."

He closed his eyes as she did that, knowing exactly what she was doing, and going with it. "'You can't'," he told her, pausing just for a moment before going on - a purposeful pause that could have been entirely accidental, if viewed that way. "That's what he said back to her. 'You can't' - lie, course. With everything that had gone on, that he'd heard, he thought she could probably do anything."

She nuzzled at his temple, brushing a kiss there too. "She considered that for a moment, watching the knight's eyes even if he couldn't see her at all. 'I'm going to try'. she told him. And she meant it. Even if he didn't think she could do it, she'd have to find out. She'd have to find out what happened to him, even if she had to start gathering the story from other people. But first thing first." she paused, kissing his cheek. "First, she told him that he was going to have to stick close by to her. That the witch might still be out there, and if she was she'd most certainly be coming after him. And she didn't want anything to happen to him. So, she gave his hand a squeeze," and she demonstrated again, of course. "And she said," she moved so she could murmur the last part in his ear. "'Stay with me.'"

Dean kept his eyes closed as she talked and, rather than replying as she whispered in his ear, he went with turning his head towards her instead, carrying on the story by kissing her softly as he shifted his body onto his side, enough so he could slip an arm around her waist and pull her towards him.

She shifted comfortably against him when he pulled her in, and she kissed him back. She drew it out, kept it soft, and didn't really show signs of letting up on it. In fact she was all for kissing him. She'd been building up to it, of course, and she liked that he took that initiative. Even if it was part of the story, or he was ending the story now and moving onto other things. She didn't so much mind either way. It was just a nicely distracting, pleasant thing to be doing.

He could have continued the story, he knew that. There was generally a structure to their story telling, after all. Little rules about what did and didn't happen that directed the path. But today he hadn't quite started out in that place. Today he'd had to coax her into the story, it had started out so very one sided. That was different for them, and so he didn't feel as bound to the rules of their storytelling as he normally did. So, when he broke the kiss, he just drew back a little, enough so that he could watch her, wait to see what was going to come next.

She looked at his eyes, ticking her gaze back and forth between his, and decided she wanted to kiss him again. That that was her course of action at the moment, to pull him back in, and kiss him long and deep, putting her full concentration into that as opposed to the narrative. Now that it was broken, and she watched the look in his eyes there for a minute...it wasn't even much of a question. It would have been work to go back to the story, and she didn't want to work at anything right now. She wanted what felt natural for her, to go with impulses she didn't have to second guess or consider at all.

He gave her back in kind, giving his all into the kiss. he'd missed her over the last few days - first actually, and then because although she was there, they couldn't really be together. It hadn't been the same, at all. They hadn't had time to be them, and he'd missed that. It was a totally separate issue to the drama and crisis and other things that had been going on, but it was no less vital to him.

Thia made a soft sound, as she gave over to everything. She'd missed him as well, even if she thought it would be strange to say it. It hadn't been the same, and there had been that clear 'let's not give people too much to wonder about' idea that was undercurrented throughout their interactions while holed up with everyone else. Here, they didn't have to do that. But there, they'd needed to, it had been mutual, unspoken agreement, but that didn't mean she hadn't felt that distance. And now that they were okay, they were both healthy, they were safe, and in his closet, she was free to make up for it. Especially now that her head was in a better place from it's sabbatical into depression land. Part of her was also aware that the closet was on both of their lists of places they wanted to be together at.

Dean broke the kiss off as it came to its natural end and pulled her into him, lifting his chin to cradle her against his chest, holding her with both arms for a moment or two before he leaned back slightly and looked down at her. "How you doing?" he asked, softly, not pushing, but indicating the fact that it hadn't slipped his notice that she'd not been doing so well earlier on.

She settled comfortably against him, catching her breath, letting her heart slow down a little. "...better now." she said, not even making the slightest bit of an attempt to make believe that she'd not been okay. He knew it, she did, it was just how it had gone. "It's...it's nicer in my head now than it was earlier." she explained, or tried to. But she thought he'd get what she meant. By now they rarely missed the meaning on something.

Dean could appreciate what it was like to have your head not be a nice place to be. "You want to talk about it?" he offered her, not pushing her right now and insisting that they did. He knew that she'd know that he wanted to know. She'd know what was expected between them. He didn't need to be demanding, and there'd be reason if she turned him down.

She thought about it. It would be pretty easy to just go with more making out at the moment. And part of her wanted to. But in the end she knew it wasn't the way they did things. It wasn't how she and Dean worked. And just because now they could give in to distraction, and push things aside didn't mean that it was the right thing to do. So, she didn't. "I...don't know where to start?" she said, which was honest. "And I know that it's...it's all worries about things I can't change. So it's hard for me to deal with, because they're facts I can't alter. There's nothing I can do that's going to make certain things different and that's...well. Terrifying." she admitted.

Dean thought about this, also recognising that feeling, though he knew that his time of feeling like that stemmed from a very different place to where he imagined hers did. "You know, a girl I love once told me that you couldn't deal with things you were afraid of by ignoring them. Even if that's what you really, really want to do. Even if there's nothing you can actually do to change things. If facts are facts, then it's more important to face up to them and deal with the way that you think about them - because they're not going to go away." Again, his tone wasn't pushy, it was just there. And he was still holding her, wanting to support her in every way that he could.

She looked at him, and gave him a little half smile, before she gave him another kiss. It was light, soft, and she only drew it out a little. Then she pulled back, drew in a deep breath, and let it out in a rush. "I hate thinking about...about later." she said. "I hate thinking about the fact that I've got this unknown lifespan that's just going to stretch out into who knows when, but it'll definitely be longer than everyone I care about. I don't want that. Even the thought of it...I get this sick feeling in my stomach and it won't go away."

He'd been aware that he'd die before her for a while now. Even if he lived until he was old and grey, she had five lifetimes to live against his one single one. He could be the oldest man in the world, and she'd still be attending his funeral. And she'd still be sixteen. He'd known, he just hadn't liked to think about it too deeply, for the same reasons that she didn't, only reversed. Now, though, his natural instinct was to try and cheer her up, get her to smile. "I promise to come back and haunt you?" he teased, lightly, before turning serious. "Kitten, it's not going to be like that. Everyone around you... It's not like they're the only people in the world. Look at it - You were devastated when Journey left, he was your best friend, but you made new friends. That doesn't mean he didn't mean the world to you, but you moved on and you carried on and I know you still smile from time to time," he said, smirking very slightly. After all, he'd been Journey's replacement. He pressed on, refusing to let himself think about her living without him. That wasn't the point of this, that was making it about him. He refused to let anything be made to be about him. "What I mean is that there's always going to be someone. And that's just going to be a natural thing, like it is with anyone. It's not like one day you're going to wake up and suddenly everyone'll be gone and you'll have to start again from scratch."

She looked at him, then away a little, taking a second to bite at her lower lip because the subject had that much sway over her emotional state. And she still didn't want to burst into tears on him. "You lose me for a day and I know it...it just wrecks you." she said. Because she did. She understood it, even if she missed seeing the actual condition he was in when she was gone. She saw enough of how it was when she got back. That was more than enough. "But I think about it and with you...Dean I just--" she broke off and stopped there for another moment, giving herself some more time so she didn't cry. It was hard work at the moment. Her throat even ached from the lump in it. "Okay even if we take everyone's name out of it, I don't want to have to go through that for everyone I know. Everyone I care about. And even if I have other people around to lean on? They'll wind up being the next people I'm mourning. How am I supposed to go through that over and over?"

Dean didn't have an answer to that, he didn't have an answer at all. Because she was right - losing her, any of the times he had, almost killed him. Even though he knew she'd be back the next day now, each time was just as painful as the first. The only difference with the first time was that it lasted longer. He had all those days to deal with the reality of a world without her in it. To really know what he'd lost. He couldn't imagine living through that over and over, having more added to it. But she didn't have a choice - that was what she was facing and 'because you have to' just wasn't anything he was going to say any time soon. But saying nothing - he was meant to be her support. That was what he did, that was his job. To make sure that she was okay. And right now, he felt like he was failing, and failing spectacularly. He needed to have the answers and right now, he didn't have any.

Thia didn't expect him to have anything to say to that. Really, there wasn't anything to say. At the end of the day, it was what it was which was whole worlds of fucked up that she couldn't actually do anything about. "I'm not...built for this." she said after what felt like a long silence. "I'm not. I know I'm not. And I really hate that I don't have a choice. I want a choice. I want to have a say in this instead of just looking at my existence and never even wanting to think past next week. I used to just...not have any grand dreams or anything, y'know? I just kinda wanted to have a family, and be happy. That was pretty much it. And I don't get that either. So now, it's like even starting to contemplate long term? I just can't do it. I don't want to. And I remember what's been said, and I just...I really hate this. I hate feeling like this." She was silent for a moment, thinking about Dean's mom's concerns. How they were valid. And she was thinking about his silence, too. "...you don't have to have answers for me, Dean. I know there aren't any. I don't expect them."

She might know that there weren't any answers he could give her, but that didn't mean that Dean felt any better about not having any. But he couldn't just lie there in silence, helpless, he needed to offer something. "We're sixteen, Thi - I don't think we're meant to have long term answers about any of us. And I know - I know it's different for you, and I'm not trying to say it's not, but... I find it hard to think about long term as well. Especially with everything that's been going on lately. If I look into the future, with the way things are going? With things getting worse? I dunno - it's not something I enjoy doing. But this, here, you and me, right now? This I enjoy."

Thia sighed. That didn't help matters either, knowing that again, if everything went to hell, then she'd be even more likely to wind up alone, only all the sooner. He lost her, and he'd have her back the next day. She lost him? And he was just gone. Same for everyone else. It wasn't fair. And she hated thinking about it at all. In the end she was silent for a few long minutes, then offered her answer. "I do too." she told him, because she did. She appreciated him, what they had.

"You know if there was anything I could do, I'd do it. Anything at all," he said, knowing that he was scraping bottom right now, because to bring that up was just an admission that there was nothing he could do. What could he do? The fade spell couldn't be undone. That was what she was now, and that came with as near to immortality as it got. He couldn't extend his own lifetime, or the lifetimes of people around her. One day, he would die, they would all die, and she would just carry on. Lying there, as a sixteen year old lad with his first proper girlfriend, it was a really overwhelming subject to have to tackle, but it was something that was bothering her, and with good reason, and so he was trying.

Nodding, she exhaled, and put her face in against his chest. "I know." she said. And she did feel like he would. She just also knew that there wasn't anything that he could do. Not really. About all he could offer her was a joking promise to haunt her, and even then, who knew who came back as a spirit. And would he even actually want that? Nothing else was even remotely acceptable. Unless she figured out a way to pull her own plug, which she was thinking seriously about finding a way to do.

He fell quiet after that, just holding her. He didn't say anything about how useless he felt right now, how he should be able to do something - anything. Dean wasn't a guy that did well with 'helpless'. He was a guy who was at his best when he was doing something - even if it was only a little something, even if it was possibly useless. He wasn't someone who could just stand by. But, right now - he didn't know. "Maybe we can find some more books on fades," he said, after a long period of silence. "There can't only be that one in the world. Maybe we could find more - order them in or something. Maybe there's something we're missing that could help. Somehow." How, he didn't know. It seemed an insurmountable problem.

"Maybe." she said. She didn't know, and at the moment a vague idea about a book that might or might not exist in the first place wasn't going to do much to lift her spirits. She didn't say more, she just stayed where she was, curled up with him and wishing she could put her thoughts back in their box again. She'd just gotten them away and now they were all back on the surface. That most certainly wasn't where she wanted them.

Dean thought about it, trying to think it through, trying to think of a way to make things work for her. "Maybe... Maybe as people get older you could..." he paused, feeling for the idea, trying to grasp it and pull it into some kind of real shape. "Okay, like - when you channel all the shit out of me. Or you heal wounds. Maybe you could do that with ageing. I mean, you get old because your body starts to break down, right? So... that's a kind of injury? Maybe? So... Maybe you could grow old with someone, like taking some of their ageing - so you'd both just grow old slower than normal. Or something." He didn't know if that was even possible, but knowing what he knew about what she could do, it wasn't completely outside the realm of possibility.

She thought about that, and then looked up at him again. Her question was 'would you actually want to do that' but she didn't ask it. He'd said 'someone'. Not him. Which to her, she thought maybe that answered her question. In the end, she laid her head back down. "Maybe." she said. "What you said makes sense." she added, so he'd know she didn't entirely discount it or anything. Technically the logic worked.

He could tell from her response that she wasn't completely on board with the idea, but it was all he had, so he was pushing it. Having a theory was a good start to tackling a problem, after all. It was a plan, a framework, a structure to work off. "We should look into it. I mean, it's not really going to be anything you're going to need for a while, right? Like... years. I mean, ageing don't really kick in until, well.. I dunno. Not yet anyhow." Dean was carefully not adding himself into this situation. He didn't think that was fair on either of them. He couldn't imagine a time when he wouldn't want to be with her, but to commit to that was something entirely different - that was a hell of a lot of pressure to add to any situation, never mind one like this. The theory was the same whether it was him or someone else - even if the idea of it being someone else made him feel sick.

Nodding, she didn't say anything about it. Though with his saying that aging didn't kick in for a while, that was more a their current age as opposed to others. Then again, Billy, Maddie(kinda), Sophie and Oz weren't much older than them. Still, it was kind of a hollow thought, if it didn't involve him. He was the most important person in her life. It didn't seem worth it without him.

"I dunno if it could work for a group of people. I mean - maybe if you could work out to channel it. But, if you were taking things on. I mean... Like, the stuff you get with ageing. Arthritis and other stuff, I dunno. It would probably be really horrible for you to take bits from lots of people, rather than just sharing with one. It - it would depend how it worked. So, I mean, you might just have to choose one person," Dean continued, thinking bout expanding that out, then backing away from that. He didn't want her life to be one of permanent pain, just so she could have people with her.

You know I'd pick you, right? Even if you take the romantic element out of our relationship..which I wouldn't wanna do but still, if some day I'm not attractive to you anymore you're still my best friend and I'd still want to go to you with everything and share everything with you and I don't think I can really do this without you. went through her mind, but she didn't say it. That was a whole lot of pressure to put on him and while true, she still didn't think it would be fair. And just because her life was going to be stunningly unfair didn't mean she was taking that as free license to be unfair to the people she cared about the most. It didn't mean she was going to do that to him. Again, she nodded, acknowledging that she was listening to him, and that she could be on board with what he was saying.

It was hard, keeping this going without her input. He wasn't used to receiving so little back from her, and that worried him. It made him also feel like he wasn't good enough right now. That someone else would be able to do better here, but he felt like that because he was worried about her, because he had that drive to make things better for her and right now he couldn't do that. He wanted to be able to do that. "...We'll look into it," he ended, knowing there was little else to say.

"Okay." she said. She didn't know how they would, really. The book they had sucked and maybe there'd be another one out there but the idea of one being really thorough...that seemed like an impossible hope. It seemed like a pipe dream. Hell, the idea of what he was suggesting actually working seemed like a pipe dream too. But then she was in a terrible place, mentally at the moment and she knew it. So she was pretty sure her optimism button was fritzing. "I'm sorry." she said, after what felt like too long a silence.

"Hey," Dean said, softly, tipping her face up and brushing a kiss over her lips. "Don't be sorry - you don't ever need to be sorry," he told her. Sorry like that meant that she was sorry for bothering him with things, and that meant she'd think that she should hide things and she shouldn't. Just because he felt bad right now, felt inadequate, he'd take that any day over her feeling like she couldn't talk to him.

She kissed him back, and watched his eyes when she pulled back. "I hate feeling like this at all. Most of the time, I try to just...think past it. Just not go there, all that. I don't know why it's harder today not to. And I just...I know that there's really no answer. There's some maybes, but nothing really...the things I'm going to have to deal with aren't anything anyone can really prepare for. I know I hate all of this, feeling like this, and I don't want you to have to be there with me in the feeling helplessly awful department."

"Why not? I'm there with you in everything else," Dean observed, trying to an edge of humour. "I like being with you, even the not-so-good parts. And come on, you've had enough of that from me. So, now it's my turn. We trade off, remember?"

She did smile a touch at him. A faint edge of one, and she gave him another kiss. "I still think I owe more to you, even if we do trade off. I had whole months of needing special care and you never complained." she said. She exhaled and looked at him, giving him a third kiss. "I love you." she told him simply. "And I appreciate you more than anyone I've ever had in my life."

"And you've never complained either," Dean pointed out, before looking at her psuedo-sharply. "..Have you? Or have you been bitching to BB behind my back again? You have, haven't you? You've been... Hiding in your room and snuggling that kitten and going on about how 'that Dean's been moaning again, I wish he'd bloody shut up and give me some peace', right?" he teased.

She laughed a little at that. "No, BB's a terrible listener. He's really far too into his adventuring, when I talk to him he'll listen for a good thirty seconds and if the words 'treat' or 'foodtime' don't come up, he's out of there." she said. "He only loves me because I'm a bi-pedal snack machine and occasionally he deems me worthy of snuggling him." Thia did smile, though. "And really, if I had a wish for any ways to talk about you to people, I'd want to have more people I can gush to about you. I'm a girl, sometimes, and I have the need to gush now and then."

Dean pulled a face at that. "Well, then for once I'm glad you don't have more people," he told her. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable, the idea of her gushing to people - he wasn't entirely sure what she'd say, and he was never really on board with positive things being said about him. Just the thought of it made him feel self-conscious.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "I know you're a guy, and probably haven't taken time out to talk about me to anyone, but still. It's nice sometimes to just have a little moment when you can tell someone else just how awesome someone is. I got a little tiny moment with Nic. She said we were lucky, actually." she said. "She said that we lucked out because we had each other. She said she thought I gave you strength, and that you were someone who could be relied upon. She said that it was..." she paused a moment, eyes ticking upwards as she tried to recall Nic's exact words. "'fucking kickass' to see what we have exists."

Dean found it easier to deal with the idea of 'them' than just him and since Nic's comments had been directed, it seemed, toward them as a couple, that was better. "You do give me strength, and you know you can rely on me. I just... You're not going to tell her about the Lego, right? or the stories, or... I mean... yeah. Just..." he might have said that he'd given up on his image, but Dean would always be conscious of how people saw them, and always think that he needed to hide certain parts of who he was from public view.

She smirked a little, even if her face heated up just a touch. "Those are things that I think I'll just be keeping between us." she said. "Besides...story time...I'm pretty sure that's kinda...unique to us." she said, finding an appropriate word there. She was fairly positive no one else did stuff like that. Now her urge to dress up just for him? That was common. People did that all the time, or the halloween skimpy costume industry would have shut down ages ago. So that, even if she'd not got to actually do it yet was normalish. But the story thing? That was different. That was way different.

Dean quirked a reassured smile at that. "I think lots of things are unique to us. Like I'm fairly sure nobody else I know hides in a closet to talk to their girlfriend." Then again, he was also fairly sure that none of his friends had ever killed their girlfriend's father. Or had a girlfriend who liked to take his gun off him, who had decided that slipping the holster down off his shoulders was her job. Which reminded him that he'd not said a word about that. He wasn't thinking about that. Not today.

"Yeah, but I like the closet. So, okay, there are quite a few things that are unique to us." she agreed. "At least it's not a boring, run of the mill relationship?" she suggested. "We won't fall into a rut other couples do where the best thing they can think of to do together is sit and watch a movie or go out drinking or something?" she added. "I rather appreciate our eccentricities."

"Well, we live in a stupid country where we're too young for ages to go out drinking anyway," Dean grumbled, lightly. Course, they both happened to be lightweights, he got hangovers like you wouldn't believe and if he drank anything half the time he'd throw it back up because his body hated him, so that was actually probably a really good thing. "But, no - we can think of better things to do. Like... I want to take you out for pizza," he told her, suddenly deciding that. "Back at Iron Mountain. That little place. I want to take you and this time I want it actually to be a date. As long as that's not too run of the mill for you, of course..."

She perked up at that, smiling suddenly, a bright, genuine expression. "Ooh, really?" she asked. "The Library. Yes, I'd love that." she said, nodding. "God that felt so much like a date the first time, I swear. I had to tell myself a few times it wasn't." she confessed. "So, I'd love that. I'll dress up all cute and everything." she told him. Which meant braving her reflection, but she'd do so. She pushed aside the reminder that they were meant to be kind of trying to do the mirror thing now and then, to work up towards the new moon thing.

"Yeah, me too. It just... Yeah. I felt bad for feeling like it was," he admitted to her, though he doubted that would really come as a surprise. She knew he was a veritable master at making himself feel bad about things. "But, would you be okay with it - I mean, last time... You were nervous. Being out. And, I mean - I know, I just... I like that lots of the things we do are unqiue, I just - it'd be nice to sometimes do things that weren't, y'know?" Like dating like normal people. That had been one thing he'd really appreciated in England. Being able to just be with her without having to look over his shoulder every few steps. Just to be a normal couple with her.

She laughed a little. "I know what you mean. And I'd be fine. I'd be with you. I was nervous at first there but you made me feel better. And since then, we went out when we were in England, so that helped any nerves too. I'll be fine. Promise. I'll be happy to go. Maybe we could even see a movie too or something, and make out a little just cuz we can." she added. "And you shouldn't have felt bad for it feeling date-like. It was fun. And yeah. It just...was very very datelike. Guess we were on the same page."

"And we were very very not dating, and I didn't think that you would, so, yeah." he cocked a small smile. "It was nice though - I kinda... Would like to go back and do it for real." Like there were lots of things that he'd like to go back and do over. She already knew that. This one just happened to be rather more PG-13 than some of his other ideas. "So, yeah - and we can go to the cinema as well," he promised.

"It's a date then." she said. "You'll just have to warn me so I can fuss over my wardrobe for an appropriately long time and try and figure out how best to put my hair up so I can look pretty for you." she said. "Cuz I can't go on a proper date and not want to look all pretty for you." And she would, and it would be fun for her. She'd certainly dressed up for him the night of the masque and if one didn't count how it had ended, it had started out as a really great night.

"You always look pretty to me," he told her, simply, meaning that. He considered her beautiful. He knew she didn't always agree with that, but he thought so and nothing she could say could ever change his mind on that.

She smiled. "Thank you." she said. "Still, though. I'll want to look extra special." she informed him. "It's just a thing." It wouldn't be overly fancy since she didn't have anything overly fancy and really they were just going to a place for pizza, but still. It was a date, she wanted to do special things for him anyways, and it fell into the category of dressing up. Not the kind she had a little devious desire for, but oh well.

"Well, who am I do deny you a 'thing'?" Dean teased. "I don't think it should be this weekend, Oz'll pitch a fit if we try and go anywhere for a while, I think. Or if he doesn't, Sophie will on his behalf. So we should probably stick close to home for a while. But maybe towards the end of next week or something?" he suggested.

"He's actually out in the hall, you know." she said, agreeing that they wouldn't be allowed far from home for a bit. Neither Sophie or Oz seemed to deal especially well with what had happened, with the whole not being able to help thing. "So, yeah, I think next week sounds great." she confirmed. Then she was turning her mind towards the other house, and wondering if they'd mind if they sorta...went out there and spent the night sometime there. Hm.

"Didn't know - but really not surprised," Dean told her, shaking his head slightly at that. Considering that they'd not been allowed to travel home on the bus with everyone else since Oz wasn't willing to let them go, nope, not surprised at all. Not that Dean had had any burning want to travel home with everyone else, but still. Oz was very definitely overprotective. Dean didn't mind at all - it was entirely understandable.

She nodded, not surprised either. "So yeah, he's out in the hall. All werewolfy and everything." Which was a switch because she knew he usually went to the basement to the cage when he was in werewolf mode. The only time he hadn't was when they were under attack. So it was really really massively bothering the guy to be farther away than that. Which had her thinking about wolves, which had her thinking about Dean, and the idea she had for art for his arm. And she traced a little agaist his shoulder, looking at it for a long moment.

"You know, I've never seen a werewolf," Dean commented, which could have seemed strange coming from someone who'd lived with one, but it was the truth. He'd never seen a werewolf in werewolf form. Usually Oz stayed downstairs, and Sophie with him. And Sophie always locked the door down to the basement. The night of the full moon, his cousin and her husband always spent alone, and Dean had always given them that space without a word. At first he hadn't wanted to poke his nose in where he didn't feel it belonged. These days, he just understood the need and value of privacy.

"I think if I didn't know it was Oz, and he didn't have those blue eyes looking out from all that black fur, he'd be really scary." Thia told him. "But he does. And he's kinda just lying on the floor at the moment, sorta curled up looking comfy and it's hard to find things intimidating when they're looking snuggly." she added, still tracing little circles on his shoulder. "He's way bigger than he usually is, that's for sure."

"Maybe I'll go say hi later," Dean mused, though he wasn't committed to that. That would mean leaving her, it would mean moving, and he quite liked it where he was. Even with the issues that kept coming and going. Issues were just them, they were part and parcel. They were expected.

"Considering he's sticking that close by, he'd probably appreciate it." Thia said, giving him a soft little brush of a kiss. Not that she wanted him to leave. She wanted him to stay right where he was. She looked at his shoulder again. "When I get the design done." she said. "This is where I want your tattoo to go." she told him, tracing a circle around the spot she'd picked out.

He looked at her, almost quizzically. "Where did that come from?" he asked her. He'd been aware of her playing with his arm, but it seemed a jump, from werewolves to tattoos. It wasn't like Thia for her mind to be that much elsewhere went they were talking about things.

"I've decided what I want it to be." she told him. "It's...kind of clicked in with the past few days and everything." she added, ticking her gaze back to his. "Do you want me to explain it now, or wait til I actually get the design done?" she asked, giving him the options there.

"Which would you prefer?" he asked her. "Whichever you'd prefer, that's the one I want. Hell, if you want me to lay down on that chair and not look til it's done... I trust you Thia. I'm sure I'll love it." The truth was, he didn't care what the design was. He wanted a tattoo that she had chosen for him, he wanted ink on him that was part of her. The protection spell was that, but now that was going to be done on other people. It wouldn't be unique. He wanted that replacement. Which, he could admit, was probably a weird drive.

She considered that for a moment, watching his eyes, even if she was smiling. She kissed him, drawing it out a little before she pulled back again. "I wouldn't ever put anything on you like that unless you'd approved it first, but the sentiment is sweet." she told him, meaning it, and that came through in her tone. Then she paused a few more moments, biting at her lower lip. "You're part of a pack." she said. "And I think you understand that better than some people ever would. I think you and Oz think alike sometimes. I think you probably would have made a pretty good werewolf if things were different. And when we were out there, away from Oz, and everyone else, when it was just us, and a group of people, I do think you stepped up. And I think you thought about the good of the group. I think you wanted to protect everyone. I think you were good at it. I just...I think there are a lot of traits there that thread through who you are as a person. So I was thinking a wolf." she finished.

Dean smiled at that, liking the idea. He knew exactly what she meant about him being like Oz at times. He'd thought the same thing enough times himself. Sometimes, when Oz talked, the way he reacted - Dean just understood. What he could never understand was why some people simply didn't. The principle of pack, it just seemed the right way of doing things. It had structure, it had rules, and everyone got cared for. Everyone. It just made sense to him. "Okay," he agreed, not having to think about it. He'd trusted her, he trusted her, and as he'd expected, she'd come up with something that would mean something to him.

She smiled brightly when he did, and she exhaled the little breath she'd been holding. "Really?" she asked. "Good! I just...I think it makes sense. And I wanted it to be something that had meaning. Really, it just fit." she said. "I'm glad you like the idea." she said. "Now all I have to do is come up with a decent design, and we're in business." Then she paused again. "Though we're gonna have to take another road trip to get it, because I want to be there when you do."

"We're going to have to take another roadtrip to find somewhere that's not going to ask me for ID," Dean reminded her. Or wait a year or two. After all, he was only sixteen, which wasn't the eighteen to needed to be to legally get a tattoo. And this time, it would just be him and his absence of fake ID, rather than both of them with her very good fake ID that showed she was 19 and a whole lot of buffing and him looking older than he was.

"I'm sure we'll find somewhere. Besides. You don't really look sixteen." she said. "I bet you could get away with not looking out of place on NMU's campus." Then she smirked faintly. "Not that I think you should start wandering around where college girls are going to start gawking and being aggressive enough to want to take you back to their dorm rooms..." she added, thinking that was a possibility. Because really...seriously, Dean was hot. She didn't for a second believe that girls wouldn't turn their heads and wonder if they couldn't bring him home. Like girls had most certainly been eyeing him at the clubs when they'd been in England. She was determinedly not thinking about Katie and her mits all over him.

"I can live my life without aggressive girls," Dean agreed. He didn't like aggressive girls - they scared him. Okay, they were fine in principle, just as long as they didn't try getting aggressive at him. Then he just flat out didn't know how to handle things. It always seemed he'd fuck up no matter what. He might not look sixteen, but at times he very much felt sixteen.

She nodded. "See, I think that's a lovely life plan for you. I would like to be the girl in your life, aggressive or not." Then she paused and smirked, looking away innocently. "Though I do have plans for you..." she started, deliberately trailing off. "So anyways, right! You can stay away from college girls that'll want to nab you and take you home with them! You're mine and they can't have you."

"Wait, what? Stop and back up a little there - you have plans for me?" Dean asked, sounding intrigued at that. He hadn't heard anything about any plans. Well, aside from the tattoo, of course, but he figured she really wasn't talking about that right now. No - this was something new. He could tell that from the way that she said it.

That innocent look entirely melted away and she gave him one that could only be described as mildly evil. "I have plans. They've been formulating for a while." she told him. "But they're also a surprise so you're just going to have to wait." she told him, giving him a quick smooch.

Dean's forehead wrinkled up. "Should I be scared right now?" he asked her, though he wasn't - he was intrigued, but not scared. And he really liked that look on her face. But, when it came down to it, as with the tattoo, he trusted her. She would never hurt him.

She shook her head. "No, I don't think you should be scared. Just know I have plans for you. And one day, I'll even get to kick them into gear. Technically, I'd wanted to do that this weekend, but with everything that happened...I can't. So, it'll have to wait. But soon!" she promised. God yes, soon, she'd had the stupid idea for ages and if she left it too long she was going to lose the guts to do it. So, soon.

"So, in the meantime, I'll just have to be patient then," Dean concluded. He wasn't always the best at being patient, but he wasn't going to push it if the reason behind whatever she wanted not going ahead was everything else that went on. As far as he was concerned, right now, everything stopped for as long as it needed before it started back up again. He wasn't going to be pushing anything.

She nodded. "Yep. You'll have to be patient. But don't worry. Soon. I promise." she said, reaching up to draw her fingers through his hair. Then she stopped, and looked at him again, holding eye contact. "Thank you." she said. "...I feel better again." And that had everything to do with him, and she appreciated it. "You can always do this, pull me out of the dark places in my mind, and you make me see the world's a brighter place than I sometimes think it is."

Dean laughed a little. "I haven't done anything," he told her. "We were just talking. So, if that helped, you were part of that as well. It's not like I just lay here and talked at you until you smiled again. So - joint effort. But good, I'm glad." He felt better knowing that she felt better.

"Yeah, we were talking together, but you sometimes know exactly the right things to say to me. You know that, right? Sometimes...everything's just perfect. I even remember another time when you did that, and it was the first time I told you I loved you." she said. And, like other things, she could separate things out. Even though that hadn't gone well and everything, she could look at the positive part of it. That he'd just said exactly what she'd needed to hear, done exactly the right thing. "Sometimes you are just perfect." she said. Then she gave him a kiss. "No refuting it. It's a decree I've made. So, you say, Yes, Thia...." she started him out.

Dean looked for a moment like he was going to refuse point blank to agree with her, because he knew it wasn't at all true. He was far, far from perfect. But, he amended it in the end. "Yes Thia, sometimes I know you think that about me," he agreed, not actually able to bring himself to say the 'P' word. He didn't believe in perfection.

"Yes, Thia, whatever you say." she corrected. "But I'll accept what you said. Just sometimes. You've got a good ability to get through to me, I think is what it is. You know what I need to hear? But you don't placate at the same time. Like...I don't get the idea that you're saying things just to say them because they're meant to calm me down or whatever. You mean it when you say things."

Dean brushed a kiss over her lips. "I think that, sometimes, you need me to say things that are true anyway, because you won't listen when you say them to yourself. Things sound different coming from someone else, is all. Doesn't mean I'm giving you any great revelations, or anything you wouldn't probably have come up with yourself given some time where you were faced with a wall of getting in your own way. And you do that to me too. That's just how we work. We're there for when we're getting in our own way. To get us through that."

She could accept that, and she did with a nod. "Alright. Doesn't make your value to me any different." she told him. Because it didn't. He meant the world to her, and sometimes she wanted him to know that. Accept it, on some level. "I do get what you're saying, though."

"I know," Dean told her, because he did know. He got what he meant to her, just like he knew what she meant to him. He didn't think that he was perfect, even only sometimes, but that didn't stop him from meaning something to her. She loved him. He loved her. Sometimes, though, he wondered how he got this lucky - and he almost asked, but didn't. It would probably sound too soppy. Plus, she'd probably have an answer for him.