Breaking the News

Who: Dean and Joshua
Where: Joshua's place
When: Early afternoon

Dean was officially bricking himself. In what world had he thought this was a good idea? In what world had he volunteered to go round and tell the guy with a guardian-fucking-angel that he was dating his ex-girlfriend? Oh, right - in the world where it was the 'right-fucking-thing to do'. Damn him and his fucking rules, he didn't want to have them, he wanted to just go and hide and pretend Joshua didn't exist and nothing was going on. He could do that, right?

Wrong. He knew he couldn't - which was why, when he'd heard school was letting out early, he'd texted the guy and arranged to come round. And round he'd come, which was the reason he was standing outside his apartment door, and had been for the last few minutes, trying to get up the courage to knock. He wouldn't blame Joshua if the guy took this really fucking badly, Dean knew he himself would, he'd mentally prepared for the worst - but that didn't mean he was looking forward to the possibility of worlds of pain. He was a coward when it came to pain.

Fuck. Taking a breath, he knocked, and tried to assume an outward attitude that didn't look automatically like a kicked puppy screaming 'don't hurt me!'

Joshua was honestly kind of nervous. He'd gotten the text from Dean and been surprised at it ... and then came the words he dreaded. Wanting to talk. That was hardly ever a good sign. And it wasn't as though he and the guy had parted on very good terms. Maybe being home and letting it all sink in had built up a grudge, and now was time to pay the piper. It was at once nerve-wracking and tiring to think about. But maybe he was getting worked up over nothing, maybe Dean was just checking in ... or something. Yeah.

He was waiting for the knock in the living room, and walked straight to the door when it came. A quick peek through the peephole confirmed that Lullaby wasn't with him -- something else he'd been kind of nervous about -- and Joshua unlocked the door. He pulled it open and stepped back without looking at Dean too hard. "Hey, c'mon in," he invited.

Dean stepped through the door, looking around. He was a mess today - the fading bruises from his fight last week, the fact that he was dressed in yesterday's clothes and hadn't shaved for a couple of days. Plus, he'd not exactly gotten a whole lot of sleep last night. Maybe a couple of hours, tops. "Thanks," he said with a shrug, glancing at the other guy.

Joshua took note of the fact that it looked like someone had pummeled on Dean's face a while back, but didn't make any comment about it. Whatever had happened, it hadn't happened here, unless they'd been back a hell of a lot longer than he realized. He stood there for a second, always hating this awkward waiting period between meeting up and whatever needed to be said coming out. "... y'want anything to drink?" he asked after a pause, quirking an eyebrow. Might as well be a good host, right?

Dean shook his head. "Nah, I'm okay - thanks though," he added, turning that down, like he always did. He knew he should drink more, but he never did, and he didn't think he could stomach it right now. "So - how's things?" he asked, feeling like he should make small talk. Or, possibly, just avoiding the subject for now.

"Things are ... okay, I guess," he said, moving to go sit on the couch, hoping the guy would at least follow him and not just stand there. If they were chatting, maybe Dean didn't want to kick his ass, so that was probably a good sign. Something was obviously up, because he didn't think the dude would've come at all if there wasn't, but he could at least try to be patient. "How's shit with you? Did you give the other guy hell?" he asked, nodding vaguely to Dean's face.

Dean winced slightly. "Yeah, he... Yeah, I gave him hell. He definitely came off worse," he said, taking a seat. he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clutched loosely in front of him. "Erm - he... He tried to touch Th...Lullaby when she didn't want him to," he added, since he knew that Joshua would want to know that.

Joshua nodded, subconsciously mimicking Dean's leaned-forward position. "Good then, hope you bloodied him up somethin' fierce," he said, pretty sure that there was an understatement in 'he definitely came off worse'. It was just an understood thing. He knew how he would've reacted in that situation, after all, even though he probably would've come away looking more torn up than Dean did. "Good trip, besides that?" he asked.

Dean nodded, feeling awkward, knowing there was this big thing hanging over his head, the elephant in the room. "Yeah, kinda. Got my head straight on a few things. Needed that, but... Kinda time to come home, y'know?" he suggested, realising that that was how he thought of it now. Even if he hadn't been sure before, a couple of days back and Marquette was definitely home, even if he'd lived in the other place for the vast majority of his life. He didn't belong there. He knew that now.

"Yeah," he said, though he wasn't sure that was the case for himself. Then again, he hadn't tried to go back to Ireland at all since he'd been in the States, so who knew? It was possible he'd get there and feel just as out of place. He knew he was a different person than when he'd left, he just didn't know where home was, really. Joshua sat there for a second, looking at his hands, then looked up at Dean. "You wanted to come talk to me about something?" he prompted, really ready to get whatever it was over with. It was still making his stomach nervous.

Dean was quiet for a moment, but knew that he couldn't avoid this any longer. And, really, he shouldn't - it wasn't like he was ashamed of his relationship. Just that there was a part of him that felt like he was a bad person for getting himself into this situation in the first place - the part of him that tried to take the blame for the entire world every single day. The part of him that wasn't reasonable, or rational, that would never listen to sense and that would find a way to blame him every time. He looked down, then back up again, taking a breath. "Yeah... I, erm..." He stopped, and started again. There really was no good way of saying this. "Back home, while we were there... Lullaby and I, kinda... I know I said it'd never happen, but... Yeah. I'm... I thought you should... know," he told the other guy, hesitantly.

It was choppy and Dean didn't actually say what they kinda did, but Joshua got the point. It was kind of impossible not to get, especially since it was something he'd been expecting to happen for a long time now. Still, hearing it was ... something different. The inside of his chest squeezed unpleasantly and his fingers tightened a bit on one another. They'd hooked up. Gotten together. That thing that she'd been pissed at him for worrying about had happened. Just late. His eyes dropped to the carpet for a moment, and he scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. In his bedroom, a couple of books fell off the shelf for no apparent reason with one big thunk. He didn't say anything for a long moment. "She happy?" was what finally came out, two words carefully picked out of the mess that had flooded his head.

Dean swallowed and nodded, slowly, all too aware of the clunk from the next room and able to put together what had probably caused that. He wondered, if Joshua got angry, could he throw him across the room, without even moving? How good was the other guy, anyway? "Er, yes, yeah - I think so," he said, having to but that hedger on that. It wasn't in Dean's personality at all to be able to come out and say with confidence that he made someone happy - even if he'd been told it was true. "Much as she can be, y'know... With everything," he added, qualifying that even further.

It was enough of an answer, really. Which should've made him feel better about things on her behalf, and it did but it didn't at the same time. The thing that really kept nagging at the back of his head was that Dean was there telling him the news, and she wasn't. It wasn't them together, it wasn't her, it was just him. Probably out of some sense of obligation since they'd had a few drinks and laughs together once. Shared grief. He hadn't even gotten a text from her since they'd been back, not a peep. No wanting to talk about stuff, wanting to work anything out with the whole Gabe mess, even though she'd told him endlessly when she dumped him that she wanted to keep him in her life. But then this came around, and she sent Dean to do the dirty work. He couldn't decide if he felt more angry or empty or what. There was another long pause, and then Joshua looked up. There was a quick flash of wanting to lunge over and get at least one good shot in, but he didn't. It wasn't like he had any right. His rights there had ended a long time ago. He stuck a hand out to shake instead. "Congratulations then. Know it's what you wanted. My best t'both of you," he said, and couldn't really help that it sounded a little stiff.

Dean looked at Joshua, the hand, almost uncertainly for a moment before taking it. "Thanks," he said, his voice muted. He didn't enjoy doing this. He knew he wouldn't, but it had to be done - he just wanted it done in the least painful way possible, for anyone. He shook the other guy's hand, only barely meeting his eyes, before letting go, uncertain of what to do next, figuring that this was the part where he left, but part of him was still waiting for Joshua to take that swing.

Joshua wasn't terribly sure of what to do, either. Once the handshake was over, he linked his fingers again. This was not something he could even pretend to be happy about yet, and he knew how bad of a person that made him. He had Claire, after all, and things were good there, but ... but he'd loved Lullaby. He'd loved her, she'd died in his arms the first time, and he hadn't had the benefit of knowing she would come back. He'd tattooed her into his skin. His experiences with her had changed him, and she wasn't even speaking to him. She'd found happiness with another bloke. Who'd kind of been his friend. Kind of.

The longer he sat there, the more he kind of did want to swing at Dean. Not even necessarily in a personal this-is-your-fault way, just that everything ached so much, and it had nowhere to go. That well of frustrated, impotent anger that he generally kept reigned in pretty well was bubbling. Which meant it would be in everybody's best interest if this shit ended now. He didn't want to do anything he'd regret, after all. Something that wasn't really deserved. Joshua stood up and walked the other way around the coffee table. "Thanks for comin' to tell me," he said, not looking at Dean. "You know where the door is." And he headed down the hall.

Dean nodded, taking a step back and biting back the apology that rose. He wouldn't say sorry, he shouldn't. Sure, he was sorry it'd come to this, he was sorry that Joshua was hurt. But he wasn't sorry for Thia, or for what they had. His gran had always told him that if you were sorry, you wouldn't have done somethign in the first place. And that if you did it, you weren't truly sorry. He wouldn't apologise. He let the guy walk off, and then he headed out of the door, closing it behind him.