checking in

who: caleb and dean
where: phone
when: late afternoon

Caleb had dealt with the Rose phonecall earlier in the day, and generally just wanted to talk to someone that he could say whatever to, and he didn't want to go bother Nic again, and do something stupid like start wearing out his welcome. Also, speaking to another guy? Really warranted right now. So, he was in the living room, feet propped up on the living room windowsill as he sat in the easy chair. Listening to the phone ring in his ear, he wondered what the fuck time it was in England anyways.

What the fuck time it was in England was 'late' and Dean scrambled for the phone, pulling it to his ear and shuffling across the bed as he answered, leaving the sleeping girl behind. "'Lo?" he asked, blinking himself awake in the darkness. He kept his voice low, but didn't whisper - for the benefit of the rest of the house than Thia, who didn't need it.

"Hey." Caleb greeted. And, being the voice of his friend was low, he kind of wondered if it was a little late to be calling. "So how many hours off is England? Is this a bad time?" he asked. "Nothing fucked up is going on, I just wanted to say hi." he said, feeling the need to clarify that it wasn't an emergency that needed tending to or anything.

"Five hours ahead, but don't worry about it - I'd only just dropped off anyhow," Dean told him, getting out of bed and heading over to the window. "S'not like I have to get up in the morning or anything - how's things?" he asked his friend.

"Remember how I was under the impression all women are crazy?" Caleb asked. "Well, that's kind of just getting more confirmed. With one notable case. But yeah." he said with a sigh. "On the bright side, nothing's attacked the town in the past few days. On the downside of that, I could deal with that a lot better than the insane women around here. How're things there?" he asked.

"Oh god, what's happened now?" Dean asked, thunking his head against the wall lightly - but, at least, it sounded like it was a 'normal' problem - and he felt possibly a little guilty of the fact that he was almost glad to have a problem to discuss that was normal with his friend. Something that wasn't disaster and death related.

"I don't know. I think I have this magical ability to piss off everyone around me in under a second." Caleb said. "That and I just suck at anything emotion related. Rose is kind of...I don't know. Gone off the deep end? Sort of? But I was initially worried because she seemed perfectly fine...it's a convoluted story. You didn't answer how things were there. All well?"

"Things here are fine - tell me about Rose," Dean said, turning to lean back against the wall, watching Thia sleep in the darkness. The conversation about him finding somewhere else to sleep had never come up again after his mum had put them in the same room that first night, assuming they'd want that since he'd told her they were dating. And, really, it was either that or him sharing with his idiot younger brother, and so far, sharing with Thia had been okay - sure, he had to drag himself up early, but he'd forgotten how badly he slept in this house anyhow, so he was always up at the crack of dawn regardless.

"Long story short, every time I was around her she seemed amazingly fine and happy, so I kind of called her on it, everything crashed and burned--I'm good at that--Leija went to talk to her..." Caleb started. "And everything's still fucked up. She called me earlier today, and...I don't know. I wanted to back off and let her do what she wanted to after things went as badly as they did, but she wasn't having that, and she really sort of freaked me out after a while with some of it. Sounded like she was willing to sort of...do anything to keep me around." Yes, he still got a sick twisted feeling in his gut when he thought about that.

"You... really know how to pick em, don't you?" Dean winced, feeling bad for his friend. he'd only heard stories about most of the girls the guy picked up, but that was enough. "You ever considered, y'know, celibacy?" he suggested.

"Hey--I haven't touched her." Caleb protested, making a face. "Not once. I'm not involved with her." he insisted. "Ignoring everything else about the girl, how much of a dick would I be to try and get with her after everything she's been through?" he asked. "I'm an asshole, I'm not that much of an asshole. But...yes, I've considered just becoming a monk of some description, and staying away from females in general. I tend to make a mess of any situation involving them. I managed to really screw things up there in the first place, then she comes back with even more screwed up things...I don't know. We kind of reached an agreement to try to start over, but I'm not sure how well I think that'll go." he said. He was going to try, though. "Speaking of love lives--how's yours?"

"...And yet from the sounds of it, she's still following you round like a puppy. Talking of, you got that dog yet?" Dean asked, contemplating side stepping around the issue of his love life.

"I haven't, and hey, that was a huge dodge of my question." Caleb said. "First you ignore how things are, now you're ignoring about you and Lullaby...I'm going to start taking offense here soon." he said good naturedly, not about to do any such thing, but Dean was apparently being especially bad about dodging this call. "If I didn't want to know what was happening with you I wouldn't have called. So...do me a favor, give me at least something slightly more interesting than what's up with my life to think about."

Okay, so, clearly, no. "Hey - I wanted to know about the dog!" he protested, but he had to give the guy the 'dodging' thing - at least for the second point, the first he'd just ignored because finding out about Caleb's shit was more important. "And my love life is the same as it was - except apparently a girl I used to like but don't anymore fancies me, and, apparently always did and I just never knew. And now Thia's all 'I won't get in the way' about it, which, yeah..."

"So, basically what you're telling me is if you wanted to have a little distraction while you were there, you could." Caleb said, grinning to himself. "And let me guess, you're not going to go for it." he added before Dean could say as much. "How did this come up, even?" he asked.

"I don't want 'a little distraction', so, no - I'm not gonna go for it. Anyway, it'd make things... complicated. And it came up because apparently she was talking to the girls about me." Dean realised that he hadn't actually gotten round to talking about the plan to Caleb. Which - right. Shit. "Cos, erm, there's - see... See, my best mate over here kind has a thing for Thia. And, she, well - really doesn't like him like that, but he was hassling her and I know Andy and he's like a dog with a fucking bone and I knew he'd not take no for an answer and she's too nice to tell him to fuck off in any way he'd even vaguely understand, so I kinda, sorta, ended up kinda telling him that, well - we were dating..."

Caleb coughed, and sat up properly. "What?" he asked. "Run that again?"

Dean cringed. "I, er - kinda told people Thia and I were dating. And she's kinda - we're going along with that..." he said, the wince sounding in his voice as he waited for Caleb's reaction - which he was sure would be some kind of special.

"Okay. Let me get this straight." Caleb said. "You went home, and are pretending to date the girl you happen to want likely more than anything. And you're telling me that your love life situation hasn't changed?" he asked. "How's that work, exactly?"

"Well, just that - it hasn't actually changed. Not as far as she and I are concerned, anyhow. Just... looks that way from the outside," Dean told him, not adding in that it also meant that he didn't have to curb all the little things so much, or that she was reciprocating with that, which was all sorts of nice.

Caleb thought for a few moments on that. Granted, the two of them rather behaved as if they were dating. Generally speaking, they were sort of snuggly, and held hands, and stared at each other from across the room and shit. So...maybe it wasn't actually taking that much of a turn with things. But--he did have one question. "You kiss her yet?"

"What? No! Come on - there's pretending and there's pretending," Dean pointed out, though he knew he'd stepped up the physical stuff generally, and he'd had no complaints there. But kissing her - that was a whole other level. Proper kissing her, anyhow, not just little skin brushes, which he'd been thinking about going with, if the opportunity ever arose.

Caleb laughed. "For fucks sake, Dean! You've got free license to! You've got the perfect opportunity! Fuck, you might find out once and for all if she's got something back for you--I pretty much guarantee you that if you do kiss her, and seriously kiss her, you should find out. Seriously, why the hell wouldn't you?"

Dean didn't answer straight away, his mood falling at that question as he watched the girl asleep in bed. When he did finally answer, his tone was definitely subdued. "Because, right now, I don't think I could take it if she didn't. After everything else... I'm working on getting my head back together again, here. On dealing with shit and right now, I need her. I don't want to risk screwing that up. I couldn't handle it, not right now," he admitted.

Sighing, Caleb sat back again, internally shaking his head. "Yeah, I can get that." he conceded. "Though...I still maintain that you wouldn't be disappointed." he told Dean seriously. "How is the dealing coming along, anyways?" he asked, figuring it might be best to back away of the subject of Lullaby. Dean was always a little overly twitchy about her in the first place, and right now, with the current situation, Caleb wasn't going to push.

Dean sighed a little and slid down the wall to sit on the floor, bringing his knees up and resting an elbow on them as he held the phone to his ear. "I dunno. I don't even... I dunno, maybe - I kind of thought... I just wanted to come home, y'know? And then everything was gonna be okay. But - it's not. Of course. I mean - I know it's stupid to think that everything would magically be solved, but... She thinks I'm coping a lot better than I think I am, but I just - I feel all over the place and I don't even know what coping is, I don't think. I don't know where I'm meant to be, just that I don't - I want to get rid of this feeling that I'm on the edge of a drop and one step and that's it. But I don't know what to do to get rid of that. And here, I don't know I just - I'm so glad she came with me, because - it's weird, Caleb. I just - i don't feel like I belong here, like it's a completely different life and I feel like an observer. Even in there, doing things, I just..." It's lonely. Dean realised he was rambling and shut up, thunking his head back against the wall again and staring up at the darkened ceiling.

Caleb listened to all of that, not wanting to interrupt Dean at all. After a few long moments, he picked out at least part of that to talk about, because he could relate to it. "Sometimes things get to a certain point, and connecting in with the masses isn't quite so easy anymore." he said. "That I get. The observer thing. I feel like that...well, pretty much all the time." he admitted. "Like...take Rose. Who wants to sit and talk about nothing, or the rabbit she got, shit like that. Where...I'm hearing her, and listening, but I can't bring myself to..." he didn't quite finish the sentence. "It's just a different mentality."

"I always felt that way a bit - since gran died. there wasn't anyone else here who knew about shit. I mean, mum and dad, but they didn't really get it, y'know? They tried to, but they just - I know they always had trouble relating. And there was nobody else. I always felt like kind of an outsider, but - that was before. I didn't really know shit about the world then, kinda, it was me and I knew there was other weird shit, but not specifics - I mean, gran died when I was thirteen, so - you don't tell specifics to a kid, right? But, now - they sit and they talk about stuff and I just... I feel like - is that it? Is that all you're worried about? Or is that the most important thing in your life? And then, they ask about my life and what am I going to say? I can't talk about it, not most of it - not the stuff that's actually important. It's like - I was asked the other night what stuff I'm into, what I've been doing and you know the only thing I could really talk about was fixing up your car? Which, hell, I didn't even get very far on that because of all the other stuff that I couldn't talk about. I dunno, I just feel - disconnected, I guess. At least with Rose she knows some stuff now," Dean suggested, realising he was blathering on about himself and trying to bring the conversation round to not just being one big him-focused whine.

Not really minding that the conversation was focused on his friend, Caleb didn't really bite much at the last bit. "She doesn't really know anything. Hell, I brought up other mass disappearances in history and I think she flat out thinks they're ghost stories or something." he said. "But...there's no one there you can talk to about all the shit that's been going on? I get what you mean about listening to people and wanting to just stare at them. I...pretty much--just yeah. My whole life, I've felt like that." Now around was when he wished he'd gotten to have that talk with Dean before the guy left. But over the phone wasn't how that was going to go down. "Priorities and shit...most people don't know what's important. They can just ignore it, it's someone else's problem, or they don't even know the problem exists. It falls on the rest of us to deal with it. So...being home isn't helping you out that much?"

"Yes, no, I don't know?" Dean suggested, then started again. "Yeah, it is - I mean, seriously, I needed some time out. I just - at least here I know the worst thing I have to deal with is my little brother being an ass. It not gonna rain down bullshit on me every couple of days. But - it's just weird, I guess." He paused and looked up, checking that Thia was still sleeping, which she was. "I guess, when I left, part of me didn't want to come back - like, I wanted it all just to go away. but - see, I talked about it with Joshua once. About leaving, if we could and I told him then that I couldn't go back to my life the way it was, not knowing what I know. But - have to admit, when I got on that plane, part of me wanted to. At least for a while, y'know. But now... Thia asked me whether I wanted... I was saying that being here felt unreal and I felt out of sync with everyone. And she told me I could either have 'real' or I could have 'in sync', y'know?" he suggested, hoping Caleb would get that.

Not really having to think about that, Caleb sighed. "yeah, I get what she means." he said. "Basically if you want to fit back into your old life or whatever, you have to start pretending you don't know what the score really is." he assessed. "I guess it's a luxury. Having some place to go back to that's apart from the insanity, where you could just go take a vacation in pretend-land if you wanted to. But I'm guessing it's easier said than done." he said. Caleb had never had that. His mom was an ascended demon. That really didn't lend to having anyplace to fall back on that was even remotely normal. So, it was just a concept to Caleb, though one he could at least vaguely understand the logistics of.

"It's harder than I thought it'd be," Dean admitted. "especially when we're all centre of attention and shit, with everyone wanting to know everything about Thi and everything about what I've been doing since I left. I just - I need to be here right now, I just... I... I don't know if this is my home anymore," he admitted, feeling like that was a betrayal of his parents. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and made himself look around the darkened room, the room that had been his, but which his parnets had stripped and redecorated to make a spare room in the three months since he'd left. But still, Dean being Dean, his focus remained on the fact that it was his betrayal, not theirs.

"Maybe it's not." Caleb said. "Home...honestly, I'm not the person to talk to about that." he admitted after a few moments of silence. "I've never especially felt like I had one. My family life was fucked up to put it mildly. I don't think of New Orleans as home. It's just where I'm from. Here...this house? It's Dorian's house. Not mine. So I guess I don't really have anyplace that I truly associate with the concept, and I don't see that changing." He paused for another moment. "What do you figure home is? To you, I mean."

"Dunno at the moment, I - ask me again next week maybe," Dean suggested. He wasn't mentally ready to put a definition on that right now. Marquette was the obvious choice, but to say it outloud felt like a commitment that he wasn't ready to make, even if he felt the inevitability of it already. "So, what about you? I mean, you said about your parents fucking off, but - was it always like that?" Dean asked.

"Depends on your definition of fucked off." Caleb said. "They..." he sighed, and tugged his fingers through his hair. "Look to put it mildly, they were perfectly happy having two kids, didn't especially want a third, and mostly ignored me. Or, entirely did. So, I've never really had a place that's supposed to be all the things 'home' is. Like...safe and comforting or whatever the fuck it's meant to be." he explained, sort of rushing through it.

Dean frowned, trying to work out how bad things had been and whether he actually had any right to ask how bad they'd been, since Caleb seemed to be keen on glossing over things. Dean knew that, as much as he'd felt isolated a lot of the time growing up, he did, at least, have a family who tried to be supportive and parents who, he had to admit, did want the best for him. Even if it meant sending him to live in another country. "...And if you're not putting it mildly? Tell me to fuck off and mind my own business if you want, just... yeah," Dean offered.

Considering for a long few moments, Caleb decided that at least if he was going to have this conversation with Dean, over the phone made it slightly easier. "If I'm not putting it mildly, my parents never gave event he slightest amount of a shit about me. I disappeared for a week once when I was sixteen, and if they noticed, they didn't show any sign of it. They didn't feel like waiting to go on their world tour, so they just dropped me on Dorian's doorstep. When I went into the hospital? I guess Dor told them...but they never once contacted me." he said. "...not even through Dor, not even a 'tell him' whatever."

Dean exhaled slowly and audibly. "Shit mate, that's..." No, there weren't really any words there. "My mum bitches when I don't call her enough." Which had happened a lot in the first few weeks he'd been in Marquette, but he'd been getting better recently, like he'd been good at calling Sophie when she and Oz were in Vegas. He understood why people worried now and what that was like. But he knew that that wasn't the only thing for Caleb, it was a long running thing, but just - what did you say to that anyway? "Sounds like you're better off with your brother," he offered.

"When he's here." Caleb said. He didn't sound like he was bitter about that though. "I don't know. Both of them are living here again. But...really not the point." he said. "My point, I guess was that I never really had that solid a concept of home to start with, so I don't know what to tell you on that. Someone else would be able to give you more input there. For me...it's just kind of something that happens to other people."

"Yeah, maybe," Dean said, wondering if he'd find himself in that category now. Maybe 'home' would just be wherever he was living at the time, without it really having that emotional attachment of belonging. Maybe that would be easier. He didn't feel like he belonged here anymore, but he was scared to belong in Marquette and everything that that brought with him. Maybe it would just be easier if he joined Caleb in the 'home is something that happens to other people' ranks. "So, anything else new there?" he asked, figuring they could both do with getting off that subject.

Caleb was in fact good with a subject shift. He didn't have to think hard, either. "Met someone." he said. "Her name's Nic. So far, she isn't insane." he added. "I like her. I've hung out with her a few times. She's...interesting." he told his friend. "And I can hang out with her without feeling a shit ton of pressure of one description or another." Which was key at this point. There weren't the obligations he felt with the other girls in his life.

"Given the way we started out this conversation, should I be starting the countdown to insanity now, or wait a couple of days?" Dean asked, wryly, though he caught the 'so far' from his friend. He chuckled a little. "But honestly, mate, hope she does prove sane - or else I'm keeping Thia well away from you..."

"You know, normally I would have said that I have to kiss a girl first, then she goes insane, but Rose managed it without that first, so..." Caleb said, sighing. Then he laughed a touch. "I think she's safe. She seemed sane when I met her the first time and all, and so far she seems to have remained sane, so I'll bet she's got an immunity of some description. As for the countdown to insanity for Nic...give her a few days. She seems more stable. Like...well I showed her the blood magic. She didn't flip her shit out on that. She kind of seems like a girl who can roll with the punches better than a lot of them can."

"You showed her blood magic?" Dean asked, surprised at that. "She know about this shit already then? She some kind of special?" he asked - and he didn't mean romantically so. he'd had a few jokes lined up at Caleb's expense, but they all got dropped with that news - that was far more interesting than the same old, same old.

"If she is, she neglected to tell me." Caleb said. "Though, in my opinion....I'd say she's someone special." he said, meaning of course, just in a personal manner. "But no, I don't think she is any 'kind' of special. We were just talking, and got on the subject of the shit that's gone down in town and everything, and...I don't know. I wound up showing her that. Which after I did, she spent the next twenty minutes or so putting pressure on the backlash wound as I stitched it. But really, she does seem like she can handle things. I saw her again after that, and she hadn't decided that she wanted to disown me or whatever. I got her to agree to let me teach her how to defend herself better."

That surprised Dean a little. "I've only been gone a couple of days, right?" he checked, though there was humour there - just seemed that everything moved fast over there. It felt slower here. Possibly that was a good thing.

"Technically I met Nic the night of the masquerade...but yeah." Caleb said. "Fuck off, it's just nice to have someone around who isn't actively driving me fucking insane in some capacity." he said, not actually defensive, he was just putting on the tone.

"Yet," Dean amended, because, come on, he couldn't resist. "Well, I'm glad for you - and I hope she continues to be some kind of sane. It'd make a nice change in your life. And, you know, ease to pressure on me for being your only sane friend..."

"Yes, yet. Fucker." Caleb said. "I hope she will too, it would be nice. I'd be a fan. And yes, you not being the only voice of sanity in my life would be cool, particularly since you're not even in the country..." he continued, humor in his tone. "So there, see? She's practical, too."

"Modern technology's great though - look, I'm thousands of miles away, but you can still get the benefit of my unique gift of sanity. If you need it. And maybe she'll prove you wrong on that whole 'all women are crazy' thing. Maybe you should introduce her to Leija and Rose - some of it might rub off," he suggested.

"Or, their special brand of crazy will rub off on her instead and I'll have three crazy women I feel the need to look after." Caleb said. "Though I think Nic would hit me if she heard that. She's...pretty independent." he said, figuring that was the most apt way to put it. Independent, most definitely.

"Is she cute?" Dean asked, a slight smile on his face, since the guy was nicely settled into talking about this girl - and, hey, that was important.

"I think so." Caleb said. "But not...traditional cute." he added. "She's kind of got her own style going on. So cute, just not likely topping out most of the guys we go to school with's list. There's just something about her though." he said honestly. It was less looks and more her as a whole, her personality was the top thing that Caleb liked about her.

Dean smirked down the phone line and that and shook his head a little. "You know, mate - you may have a talent for picking out women who turn out to be crazy, but at least you seem to have a steady stream of them," he commented, good-naturedly. "I'll give you that much - you don't have issues meeting girls."

Caleb rolled his eyes. "It's not like I have a collection or anything." he protested. "And which would you rather have. One who doesn't drive you insane, or a group who takes turns?"

"Me? I'm just happy with the one, mate. Not that I don't get driven insane or anything - she has her moments." And, yes, there was also the fact that Thia wasn't his girlfriend, but hadn't Caleb already pointed out that nothing had happened between him and Rose? So 'girlfriend' didn't need to be a qualifying factor here.

"See, now you never actually get round to mentioning these moments." Caleb said. "And should I even remotely say something that might not be a glowing review of your girl there, you tend to get that look in your eye like you might take a swing." he said, chuckling lightly. "So, she drives you insane occasionally?" he asked, clearly amused.

"Hey! I do not!" Dean protested. "Okay - so there was that one time when you called her a zombie, but that's it. But, yeah, occasionally. I mean, come on, first and foremost? She's a really, really touchy feely girl and, come on - I'm only bloody human here. So, y'know... But, I know you're not talking about it like that, but still, anyway. Yeah, she can be... A forceful personality. Stubborn. Likes getting her own way."

Caleb outright laughed at that. "Dean, you are amazingly defensive when it comes to her. You obviously don't quite realize..." he said, not sounding like he thought it was anything but amusing. He couldn't talk he got overprotective himself upon occasion. "And I still say maybe she's just waiting for you to make a move. She could be being touchy feely just in the hopes that you'll decide fuck it, and do something about it. Unless, of course, you want her to make the first move..." he trailed off. "And yeah? Stubborn and forceful...huh. And she seems like such a sweet girl..." he teased.

"She is a sweet girl - a sweet girl who forcefully wants the best for everyone else, even when it's not the best thing for her and who won't listen to reason if you try and stop her from doing that," Dean told Caleb, his eyes still on her sleeping form for any sign that she might be waking up, given their current conversation. "And she's always been touchy feely - right back when. And you know that she was dating Joshua when we first met, and she's not that kind of girl. So, no, I don't think it was just a me-thing to try and tell me something or anything. It's just a general her-thing."

"Alright, alright. Maybe it's just switched up some. I'm just saying you never know. And I still maintain that with the two of you..." he trailed off a little, thinking about what he'd written in his journal about them. What he'd observed. That devotion thing. "But hey, she's frustrating for you sometimes. Good to know. And she's apparently frustratingly selfless."

"Maybe it has," Dean agreed - because he couldn't deny that he hoped that was the case. "And, if so, then great - all I'm saying is that you can't use that as evidence of shit, because it's always been that way. And anything else, well, it could just be that we're closer now, better friends, y'know? But yeah, she's frustrating - and generally thinks she knows best, even when she doesn't. So, it's not always smooth sailing or anything."

"But has she caused you a full on mental breakdown?" Caleb asked. Which he was actually asking. He didn't know. Sometimes he wondered. He knew he'd had some triggered from the crazy women in his life. "And about how often does she drive you nuts? I'd say the women in my life...at least half the time." Probably more like seventy five percent or more...lately, anyways.

No, this wasn't her fault. The thought crossed Dean's mind, because he knew he felt sometimes that that's what this was, a breakdown. He just didn't know. But he wasn't even willing to relate the two together aloud. "No," he said, after a long pause, his voice slightly quieter. "No, she hasn't." He heard the difference in his tone and pulled himself together. "And, no - she doesn't drive me nuts most of the time. And most of the stuff, we can talk out - either discuss where we're coming from, or agree to disagree, or trade off or something."

"Compromise. See, I'm still trying to work that out." Caleb said. "I'm sort of trying that with Rose right now...the whole starting over thing. But I don't know how well I'll do at it. In this case, it'd be my stubborn bastard tendencies that would fuck that up, not the other way around." he admitted. Because yes, he knew how he got sometimes, and that was it. Just bad. Generally speaking he sometimes was just completely unyielding. Which probably drove everyone else nuts. He also heard the change in his friend's voice, and wasn't quite sure what to do about it. Besides for the moment let it go. Not that he wanted to, just...it was over the phone, and they'd actually already talked about a lot of things, and he figured if Dean wanted to get into it, he might actually have taken the opportunity to. But saying 'hey, so about having a breakdown...how's yours coming' didn't seem to be the right thing.

"Well, y'know, that's kinda the thing with me and Thi - cos, well, she's the unstoppable force and I'm the immoveable object sometimes. It's not like I just fall over backwards to give her what she wants or anything," Dean pointed out. There'd be no frustration there if he did that. But, really, given the choice, he'd prefer to have the frustration. There was a reason for the frustration.

"I never said you did." Caleb said. "Probably works out better though. Sort of a give and take thing. I know that I'd feel better if I felt things were more even between me and certain people." he said with a bit of a sigh. "But most of the time it doesn't feel that way. Doesn't feel even at all, it's mostly just...yeah, fucked if I know." Uneven. In a huge way.

"Dunno what to suggest, mate - I probably hold the world record for 'Being Shit with Women'. Just got lucky with Thia really, most of the time I have troubles even holding a conversation. So, well, guess I should get used to stubborn women in my life - I figure they're the only ones who'll ever stick with me long enough, not write me off," he mused, cocking a small smile, humour in his tone again.

Caleb laughed. "Well, that would definitely be what you're in store for then." he said. "Though you might be stuck with Rose too. Who's less stubborn and more...." he paused, trying to come up with a good word, and settled on "Clingy." He was still feeling all kinds of out of sorts from some of the shit she'd said on the phone. How she'd been sort of...saying she'd do anything to keep him around, like if she edited herself or something that would make it all better. He still really hated even the idea of that.

"Well, she did just have her entire town and family disappear - clingy's kinda understandable," Dean suggested, knowing that he'd been being clingy recently as well. His was specifically Thia-based, but he hadn't wanted to let her out of his sight, on top of the fact he hadn't wanted to be left alone. He still wasn't keen on either - there were thoughts he just didn't want to have still.

"Yeah, I know. I didn't say I minded. Just that she was. So, you could in fact, have her too, when you get back. Though I maintain that you'd be better for her than I am. I...think I basically just fuck everything up with her. I'm spectacularly accomplished with that sort of thing. I think you'd just deal with her better in general. Between the two of us, one of us is an asshole. It wouldn't be you." Caleb said, thinking about the whole thing. He did figure Dean would do better with the girl than he did. Dean...was just a better person in general.

"You're not an asshole," Dean chuckled. "Stop selling yourself short. And I'm not better for her - I'm a fucking mess right now and... Yeah. Look, I'm thousands of miles away anyway, and.." And he didn't want to talk about him coming back. Even if somewhere deep inside he knew it was inevitable - he couldn't put words to that. Saying things aloud gave them definition in Dean's head, gave them a place. He could cope with things as long as they remained in his head.

"Hey--" Caleb said, frowning. "Forget I said anything." he added. "Don't worry about it. I was just--nevermind." he finished, cutting all of that off. He hadn't meant to make things into a serious sort of discussion, definitely not enough to get Dean talking about being a mess and being far away and all. That definitely hadn't been his intention.

Dean dropped his head to his chest, fisting a hand into his hair. "Sorry, I just... I didn't..." He didn't know where to go with that. "Sorry, my head's all over the place at the moment," he told the guy in the end, which wasn't news, but it was better than saying nothing.

"Don't worry about it." Caleb said immediately. "You've got a right to be a little messed up right now. No worries." he promised. "...how are you dealing, anyways?" he asked, since they were on the subject. "With that specifically." He didn't figure he needed to say the word 'homicide' or any variation thereof out loud.

"Honestly, right now? I'm basically not. I don't think. I don't know - I mean, I just... I'm not 'dealing' with anything, I don't think, I'm just - trying to get from day to day? Possibly. I don't knwo what else to do. I don't - I don't know what I'm doing here. I mean, not 'here' as in the place, just - I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how or what I'm meant to be doing to be 'dealing', y'know?" Dean told him, the words almost falling out over one another.

Caleb listened, able to understand that. Though when he'd gotten to that point, he'd just tried to end it. At least Dean didn't seem at all the type to go that route, which was helpful. "Do you think about it at all?" he asked. "Maybe you just need to sit down, and really lay the situation out for yourself. Look at it as objectively as you can, accept that it happened and whatever mark it's left on you is going to be there, and then try figuring shit out." he suggested. "I know it'll effect you. Heavy, even. And that's probably a good thing. If it didn't...well, that'd be more worrisome." Because then you'd be a lot more like me, and let's not go there. "But it happened, as far as I can tell, it needed to, and it'll leave a mark. Doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a bad one." he continued. "...particularly if it happens to be that you know where your own lines are now. A lot of people never find out, never know their own limitations one way or another, and they wouldn't be able to handle anything anyhow. You could and did. So...you know something more about you now. Might just be something to take with you from here on out."

Dean closed his eyes, not able to answer that as he felt a sick feeling rising up from his stomach. He didn't want to think about this, not now, not right now, sitting here in the darkness, he didn't want this, even if it was just a suggestion and Caleb's words were bringing things to the fore of his mind that he didn't want there. "Caleb, please," he said, his voice strained. He didn't want to think about this now, even if his friend's heart was in the right place. Not now, not now. He wasn't ready for this.

Caleb was quiet for a long moment, then let out a quiet breath. "Consider it dropped." he said, tone light. He wouldn't push on this. It wasn't like there was any set sort of manner for anyone to deal with having had to kill someone. That just...didn't exist. So, he'd drop it. At least he got his say in, and he hoped Dean had heard it, even if he didn't want to talk about it.

"I - I should go," Dean said, appreciating that Caleb had dropped the subject, but still feeling the need to back off right now. "I - Look, I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, no problem." Caleb said. "And...you know you can call, right? Any time?" he asked. He was aware Dean knew he could call in case there were bodies to deal with, but didn't know if Dean knew he could just call in general. "I'll be around." he promised, not waiting for a definitive answer. "Sorry for waking you up. I'll talk to you soon."

Dean swallowed and nodded. "I - yeah. Thanks, I... Talk to you soon," Dean agreed, before hanging up the phone, letting it just drop to the floor. He sat there in the darkness for a few minutes, his knees drawn up, his head down, hands in his hair, just breathing, before he made himself get up. He crawled back into bed and just thought fuck it, immediately curling up with the sleeping Thia. So far he'd been trying not to do that, trying to sleep separately, if in the same bed, but right now, he needed a hug - whether she was awake to give him one or not.