Of Costumes and Other Things

Who: Thom and Chrissy
Where: Chrissy's house
When: Afternoon

So, he had a costume. And, really, he figured that it could have been worse. Looking like a 1920s gangster for the night wasn't exactly hard work, in the scheme of things. He could do that - he might even go as far as stealing his mom's eyeliner and painting on a thin moustache or something. Hell, if something was worth doing, it was worth doing properly.

Luckily, he had her car as well today, which had meant that he'd been able to drive him and Chrissy to the store to choose costumes, and then back to her house. And he'd be able to drive tonight, a bonus in his opinion as they pulled to a stop outside her house and he turned off the engine.

"See, that wasn't so bad now, was it?" she questioned as she unbuckled herself and glanced over at her pseudo-boyfriend. "I could have been a real bitch and made you dress up as something else. You really lucked out." She raised an eyebrow slightly at him, but did give a bit of a smile. "Figured I owed you something for all your begging at the party." she teased. She just had to give him a hard time about that. He pretty much had begged her not to 'break up' with him. If you'd call it breaking up really.

"I'd thought you just liked the costume and wanted one to match," Thom retorted, not wanting to show appreciation in response to her comments, because it didn't sit well with him to be rewarded for begging, which was what he'd done, yet not enough of an asshole to be bitchy about it either. For all he'd claimed that they were doing this because she'd wanted it, they both now knew how important it was for him as well. She'd tried to walk away and he'd asked her not to. That changed things, shifted the balance of power.

She rolled her eyes and reached over, running her fingers through his hair. "Come on, don't be so grumpy." she told him. "I picked it out because I know you'll look hot." she pointed out. "Wanna come in for a little while?" she asked him, though her tone really didn't make it sound like he had much of a choice. "Talk for a bit before Skye gets here and I have to play makeover stylist?"

"Maybe I'm just a grumpy kind of a guy," Thom suggested, though he wasn't, not really. He was quiet and reserved, but far from grumpy. He just didn't go in for drama, or for making a fuss about anything. Everything was taken in his stride, manageable, nothing was too much or over the top. He made things look easy half the time. But underneath it all, the root of that, was an easygoing personality and a decent sense of humour. That was what allowed him to take the world so seriously without coming across as entirely anal. "And sure, I can come in for a while," he agreed, acting like he did have a choice even though he knew he didn't.

She smiled and pulled her hand away from his hair and reached for the door handle to let herself free from the car. "Good." she said simply as she climbed out of the car, collecting her purse and purchases to take them inside. Sifting through her purse for the key, she made her way up the walk to her steps and then unlocked the door. As always her parents were out. Nothing new. Never was. She'd grown accustomed to it really. She probably would have died from shock if they were miraculously home and she didn't have to let herself in.

Thom left his own costume in the car as he followed her up the steps and in through the front door. He showed no surprise at the house being empty - his house almost always was, after all. His mother worked long hours. The only time he was ever guaranteed to see her was for dinner on Sunday evenings, and that meal he made a point of never missing. He had, once, and that had been when he'd been trapped in the inbetween. Hardly his fault.

She lead him up the stairs to her bedroom, hanging the costume on the back of the closet and kicking off her shoes beside it. "You seem used to it." she noted, smoothing the fabric of the costume as she took the little plastic wrapping off of it. "An empty house." she clarified. He'd shown no signs of surprise or anything when he came in. No signs of not being used to being alone in a house. She assumed because he spent a great deal of time alone himself.

"That would be because I am," Thom told her, hanging back from sitting down right away. "It's just me and mom at home and she works like... all the time. So usually, it's just me and the house. You get used to it," he shrugged. Sometimes he liked it, the peace and solitude. The knowledge that he could basically come and go as he pleased. Sometimes it was lonely. Sometimes he missed having a proper family life.

She nodded, knowing all to well the feeling of getting used to the feeling of being alone. "Where's your dad?" she asked, reaching up to pull the hairband from her ponytail and letting her curls fall free against her back. "Said it was just you and your mom, but I mean... you had a dad at some point I'm assuming or we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Never knew him - he was gone before I was born," he told her. He still stuck to the theory that his dad had left his mom because he couldn't stand coming second to a protected, or couldn't understand why, being that his line couldn't tell anyone what they were, making their behaviour even more incomprehensible at times.

"Oh..." she said softly. She even felt slightly bad for bringing up the topic, but she wasn't about to apologize. "You can sit ya know." she said, turning to face him now, still standing by her doorway. "Promise I won't force you into any make out sessions. At least not right this second. Busy changing into something less out in public, more in the house lounging ya know."

"It's okay," Thom told her, even if she hadn't openly apologised. "I don't mind - it's just the way it's always been. Me and mom - and her job." He walked over and sat on her bed, then lounged out more, getting comfortable.

She nodded, pulling her jacket off and tossing it up on the nightstand. "Do you ever wonder what it'd be like to have a dad around?" she questioned. "I mean, since you haven't, are you curious if you would have been a different person if your family was different. If your mom didn't work so much, if your dad had stuck around?" She pondered things like that all the time. She wondered if she wouldn't have been the bitchy person she'd morphed into when she hit high school if her parents had actually taken any interest in her other than throwing cash around in the place of love. She rummaged through her drawers for something to change into, pulling out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. It was warm in the house, so she saw no need in putting on more than she had to.

"You ever wonder what it would have been like it you'd been born an heiress living in Beverley Hills? Or if you had brothers and sisters?" Thom posed in return. "I mean, yeah, of course I do - sometimes I wonder about my dad, but... There's no point always being 'what if' about things. I am who I am. Maybe I would have been different if my father had stuck around, but I'd like to think I'd still be me. Most of the time I kinda like who I am." Most of the time. Which, unfortunately, wasn't all of the time.

"Just most of the time?" she returned, raising an eyebrow. "Most of the time you kinda like who you are?" She shook her head at that and pulled her shirt up over her head, tossing it into the hamper and reaching for the t-shirt she'd picked out. "Sounds to me like you're not all that sure, pretty boy. What about yourself is there that you don't like?"

He didn't watch her as she changed - he made a point of not watching her, giving her a semblance of some privacy, even if she didn't appear to be bothered about it. "Nobody likes themselves all of the time," he told her, sidestepping round the question to give him some time, because the first thing that rose was the thought that this was something he didn't like about himself. That he'd do this, that he'd pretend to date someone he didn't even like, that he'd willingly make out with her in public, that he'd even go as far as to beg when she wanted to end it, to ask her to continue with the charade, to allow him to keep selling himself for a cause. He didn't like himself very much at all for that.

She noted that he didn't watch her. Found it odd, in all honesty. It was strange to have someone, a boy, not bother to take in the sight of her body, especially when she'd unknowingly offered it up. Him not watching her, made her a bit self conscious and she pulled the t-shirt on pretty fast, grabbing the shorts and heading for the bathroom where he wouldn't have to not watch her change. "I know that no one likes themselves all of the time, but you make it seem like you don't like yourself much at all." she pointed out as she changed into the shorts. "You act like you're this horrid person or something. I don't see any reason for you to not like yourself. You should more than just sometimes."

"Whereas you love yourself all the time," Thom observed, though he had a feeling it wasn't entirely true, from what she'd been saying the other day. That was part of the reason why he'd said it, actually - he didn't want to talk about himself. His reasons were too complicated, too wrapped up in things he couldn't say, he didn't want to dance around subjects with her - she wasn't someone he'd risk his life for.

"No." she said simply, shaking her head as she returned from the bathroom. "I don't love myself any of the time, if you want the truth." She wasn't even sure why she was telling him that. Maybe because she couldn't tell anyone else and she knew that he wouldn't tell anyone else. Maybe because she wanted to get out a lot of the things she kept bottled up, but for whatever reason, it came out all the same. She sat beside him on the bed, sure to leave space between them because she wasn't up for arguments over boundaries and such. Pulling her legs up on the bed and tucking her feet underneath her she glanced over at him. "You think you have me all figured out, Thom, but honestly you don't know shit about me. You have no right to sit there thinking that you know me, when you don't."

"I know what matters," Thom told her, though he wasn't arguing and didn't sound like he was. "I know you're a bitch to other people. Including me in the past, but I don't worry so much about that. I don't need to know the reasons why you act like that to be able to see the effect you have on the lives around you."

She didn't say anything for a long moment, just sat there looking at him, reading everything he was saying in his eyes even after he'd stopped talking. "Have you ever been told something so much for so long that you start believing it yourself?" she questioned. "Or gotten so used to doing something a certain way and it just works for you and even if you wanted to change it, you don't think you're strong enough to do it differently?" She felt that way a lot about herself. Even if she wanted to change. Even if she wanted to be a different person, hang in the bitch tiara for an outcasts handful of friends she could trust, she wouldn't be able to. She'd been Chrissy Chapman, queen bee bitch for so long that even the thought of being anyone or anything else scared the hell out of her.

"No," Thom told her, honestly. He'd always just been who he was, damn anyone else. He needed that strength in order to be who he was, to stand against the fact that he was a protector with a curse that would potentially alienate and drive away anyone in his life he tried to get close to; in order that he'd be able to make the kind of sacrifices his life required.

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm Chrissy Chapman. I'm a stupid, blonde, bimbo who gets everything she ever wanted." she said, eyes meeting his again. "I don't know how to be anyone else. It's that simple. I've been that persona for so long that just thinking about trying to be anything else is just... terrifying." She let out a breath and shook her head. "I don't expect you to understand that, I don't expect you to like it. I don't expect you to like me... I just wish you'd take the time to realize that I might not want to be who I am, I just am."

"That's an excuse, Chrissy. So, apparently you're afraid. Afraid of being the queen bee, of being catered to, of always getting what you want? How terrible. I can see exactly why you'd want to give that up, sure," he said, fairly sarcastically.

"I'm not afraid of being that. I'm afraid of not being that." she sighed. "I don't have to explain myself to you. Just go. This is pointless, first person I actually open up to about anything and all you do is make me wish I kept my mouth shut. I can take myself tonight. Go home, Thom." she said, shifting off of the bed and heading for the door, opening it up and motioning for him to leave.

"What do you expect, Chrissy?" Thom asked her, making no move to leave whatsoever. "For me to act like one of your followers, your hangers-on? To agree with everything you say? To fawn over you and sympathise - to lie? Just to make you feel better. Because that's what everyone else does, all your 'friends' - the people you surround yourself with. Isn't that what you do to them as well? Put up a front? Pretend to like them, while they're useful, then get rid fo them when they're not? You say this is pointless, but only because I'm saying things that you might not want to hear. And that's part of what you're afraid of."

"I don't expect you to do anything but get out of my house." she told him, motioning again for him to leave. "You don't have to agree with anything, you don't have to sympathize. You don't have to do shit, because we're not together. We, we don't exist. This..." she said, motioning between the two of them. "This is stupid. Worthless and completely and utterly unintelligent of me to have even started. Just get out."

He stood then, but he went to her, rather than out of the room. "Chrissy, don't," he asked of her. "Please - look. You say you're afraid of being someone different. If you... If you wanted to be, if you wanted to - I could be there with you. I could help you. If you honestly wanted to try and change," he tried, clutching at straws. He didn't think she really wanted to change, he thought she was feeding him a line to see what he'd do and he just hadn't bitten, so now she was pissed.

"No." she said simply. "You don't want to help me, you don't even believe me." She could feel that, in his demeanor, the way his words were spoken. "You think I'm just trying to suck you into something or just being a bitch or trying to do whatever it is you think I'm trying to do. But honestly, what the fuck do I gain by lying to you? Seriously? I already have you by the balls, which you're proving right now by not leaving. You don't want this.. whatever it is, to end. Why would I want you to feel sorry for me? Why would I want you to know that I hate myself? Why would I tell you any of that? Enlighten me, Thom. I really want to know what I'm gaining by putting myself out there like that. What? What am I gaining? Besides listening to you just instill the knowledge that I'm a bitch and that's not going to change? I don't want your help. I want you to leave." And pissed? Yes, she was pissed. More at herself really than at the boy in front of her. She'd let out too much information. She'd told him too much. She'd made herself vulnerable and that was just something Chrissy Chapman didn't do. She folded her arms impatiently and stared at him. "Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to leave? You don't want to be here, and I don't want you here, so leave. Then we can go back to how things were before all this stupid bullshit and I don't have to play anymore. I'm tired of the games Thom. This one in particular. It's over."

"I don't know, Chrissy - what do you have to gain? Me, maybe," he suggested, knowing that he'd screwed this up, that he'd completely failed to be who he needed to be to make this work, but not able to leave until he'd said his piece. "Yes, you have me by the balls - we both know that, but you don't have me. Not the way you wanted," he pointed out, hoping he'd hit the mark there. "I'd listen to you - I still will. If this isn't all bullshit. And you pulling the 'fuck off' card the moment that I don't cow tow and play the sympathy card makes me think that this is exactly what this is - bullshit. And I don't do that, Chrissy. if you want someone to talk to I'll do that, with or without the charade, but I'm not going to cater to you. I won't tell anyone what you tell me either and I'll give you my honest opinion. But, that's the downside as well, because you'll get my honest opinion. But let me ask you this - if you don't like who you are, why should anyone else? If you honestly want to change? then I can help you with that, but it's not going to be a walk in the park, not if you want to really change."

"Why would you want to help? You don't think I want to change. You think this is all bullshit. You think I'm lying for whatever reason. Why even offer to help me change?" she questioned, arms folded tightly over her chest. "I don't get you. I really don't. You act like this is the most horrid situation to be in, being with me, fake or not, but then I try and end it and you just won't let me. And as for not having you? What the hell is that supposed to mean? How exactly do I gain you from all of this?"

"You want the cynical version?" Thom asked her, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, the cynical version goes, you wanted to date me. You asked me out, I said no, you struck a deal. You figured that I'd come complete with a miraculous personality 180 that would mean that I fell completely under your spell within hours. That didn't happen. You got pissy, but Chrissy Chapman doesn't lose, she never loses, so you decide to feed me a line about how you're terribly unhappy and all oh woe is me about it and expect me to immediately pity you and realise you're incredibly misunderstood. Except I don't. So now you're trying the 'I want to change but can't' card on the basis that if you can make me believe that you're not the front you put up, I'll fall for you. now, I never said that was the truth, but you asked what you could possibly have to gain. And that's your answer - the cynic's version. Why should I trust you, Chrissy? What possible reason have I got for giving you the benefit of the doubt? Why shouldn't I think you have an ulterior motive for everything? You always have to date. And why am I still offering to help you change? Because I think you should, if you really want to. I think if you honestly don't like who you are, and the things you do, then yeah, you should change that."

"You don't have a reason to trust me." she said simply. "You don't have any reason to give me the benefit of the doubt. You don't have any reason to be standing there right now, but you are. And helping me change doesn't seem to be a very good excuse for that, Thom. You don't trust me, but you want to help me? I... I don't understand that." And she didn't, not in the slightest. Here he was basically telling her that he couldn't trust her as far as he could throw her, yet he wanted to help. It made no sense in the land of Chrissy.

"Because trust is earned, Chrissy. It can't be bought. And because if you're not queen bitch, the world will be a better place for it. So, if I can help with that, I will. And maybe, given time, you'll earn my trust. And maybe I'll earn yours," he told her, honestly.

"That's just it, I don't know if I can trust you. I mean, why should I believe that as soon as this stops benefiting you that you're not going to blast everything I've told you?" she questioned. "Why should I believe that if I do change, you're not going to drop me like a bad habit once someone else has taken my place? Why should I trust you?" She sighed and shut the door. Making him leave didn't seem to be working, so there was no point in standing around waiting for it. She walked back over to her bed and sat down, then shifted to lie down and stare at the ceiling. "You already know way too much about me." she told him. "And I don't like that. Not even the slightest. If I want people to feel sorry for me, I tell them stupid fake shit, not the truth. And you... you just make it hard to not tell the truth. But at the same time you make me hate that I am telling the truth because you never seem to believe me."

"Why would I care about who takes your place, or where you are? You know me - we might never have been friends, but you know my reputation. I don't give a shit about high school politics, or groupings. I never have. That's why things got so fucked with me and Em back in the day - because she was you. She was queen bee and she wanted her consort. And I wasn't interested. I don't play politics, I have no reason to fool you, or trick you, or play you off against anyone else. All I want is-" for you to leave Kaysen alone "-well, you know what I want. And as for me not believing you, that's because you've told everyone stupid fake shit all your life. My issue before is that I think you tell yourself stupid fake shit as well," he told her, kindly.

"I didn't mean that you'd drop me for whoever takes my place." she told him, her voice much more calm than it had been. She still didn't look at him, eyes intently focused on the ceiling. "I meant, why should I believe that once I'm not the queen bee anymore and I have no power that you're not going to just call it a win and never speak to me again? Why should I believe that that isn't what you're after, getting me down from the proverbial throne and then dropping me with no way to get back to where I was?" She sighed. "And I know, it's petty and stupid, but I don't want to end up with nothing. I don't want to bother trying to change when it'll just be hard and then, in the end, make me end up just as alone. And you don't have to understand that, and you don't have to believe a word I say..." she sighed again and ran her fingers through her curls, twirling a long strand around her pointer finger. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I've gotten so used to the fake shit that I've started believing it." The last few sentences not even meant for Thom, mostly just thoughts spilling over.

"It's a risk," Thom agreed. "And maybe it won't come from me. Maybe it'd come from your so called friends who'd turn on you at the first sign of weakness. Or the people you've targeted over the years who'd want revenge. And I can't pr-stop that from happening. But if you're truly, honestly unhappy where you are now, is it really worth making yourself miserable by continuing with that?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "I don't know." she told him honestly. "I've never... I haven't always been like this. I didn't just get born into this shit it just... happened. It happened and then by the time I realized it, I'd been doing it so long that I just... didn't know how to do anything else." Glancing over at him, she let her eyes catch his. "Can we seriously talk about something else?"

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked her, leaving the other subject for now, though he didn't know if they'd actually gotten anywhere with it, or even what was really going on there - he was completely winging this one.

"The real reason I started this whole thing." she said, patting the bed beside her. "If you're going to stay, you might as well know right? You have your own little version, and it's not far from the truth, honestly." She'd give him that. She did want to date him, she wanted something other than the stupidity of the football players she was used to. She'd wanted him and somewhere along the line, she'd started to want him to want her.

Thom eyed her, then went over and sat down, figuring that that was score one for cynicism, which was both surprising and unsurprising together, if there could be any such thing. "Not far from the truth?" he asked her.

She nodded, eyes staying fixed on his. "I wanted you. That's true. I was tired of the stupid mindless chatter from all the guys I end up with. I was tired of having to put out to get people, honestly. And I know you... well I know you and Em didn't do anything, so I've been assuming this whole time that you're a virgin, and I honestly liked that. I figured I wouldn't have to do anything. And when you turned me down... I wasn't going to let that happen, so I tried to find something to make it work. To make it where you couldn't refuse me. And I did. Kaysen. And honestly, it hasn't been hard to not torture her. Not like I thought it'd be. I just don't look for her. We don't see each other. I make it a point to avoid her now..." she sighed. "But that's besides the point. I do want you to want me like I want you. And I know it's not going to happen, but that doesn't mean that me being unhappy or wanting to change was a line. I'm not stupid. I know that no matter what I tell you, you're not going to believe me." she pointed out. "So that's it, beginning to end. I liked you, I wanted you, I kinda have you, but not the way I wanted..." she sighed. "Happy now that you know?"

Yup, score one for cynicism. "I appreciate you being honest with me," Thom told her, giving her that. "But... Just... You know that Em and I broke up like two years ago, right? And I have dated since then..." he told her, because even thought he was a total virgin, his male pride woudn't let that go unremarked. And, sure, he had dated, but not much. His only serious girlfriend had been Leija, though they'd got as far as they could go, considering Thom wouldn't go all the way even if begged, which, really, it'd gotten close at times.

"If Em couldn't get you to have sex with her, two years ago when you were younger and more stupid, then I highly doubt much has changed. And yeah, you've dated. But Thom, cut the crap, I'm not stupid. So unless you can look me in the face and tell me that you and Leija fucked, I'm going to continue believing that you're a virgin. So your fragile male ego is going to have to deal. So, are you? Honestly?" She was curious whether or not he'd tell her the truth about it.

"Two things there, Chrissy. One - either way, I wouldn't say. Because, honestly? It's none of your business, regardless of my male ego, fragile or not," he told her, though his tone was even. "Secondly, don't assume I've ever been stupid, or I'd jump into bed with a girl just because it's on offer - after all, that's what you were trying to avoid, right? But believe what you want, it doesn't really matter, but I will admit that I expect sex to mean something," he admitted, giving her that much, since it was the truth and probably something she didn't hear a whole lot in the circles she ran in.

She knew that all of that basically boiled down to the simple fact that he was a virgin. Somehow it was always harder for a boy to admit that. She didn't press the fact though, she simply nodded. "Okay." she said softly. "Not a lot of people think that way." she pointed out. "I can honestly say you're about the only guy I know that wants more than just the way it makes you feel, that actually wants to feel something with the person, not just the pleasure part. If that makes sense. I can respect that. It's kinda nice honestly, to not have to really give you anything ya know? But anyway, off the topic of sex and virginity and all that..." she said, reaching for his hand. "You and I really need to figure out what we're doing here. You're getting what you want, I've been a good girl, right? So how exactly are you planning on helping me fix myself?"

God, she said that as though she expected him to have a plan, which meant he'd have to think fast. He let her take his hand as he played for time, trying to think what he'd actually do here, thinking through what she'd said. "What do you want help with?" he asked her, flipping the question back to her. "What do you actually want from this? I'm willing to help you, but there's no point me sitting here telling you what to do - nothing's going to work unless you want it," he told her.

"I want you to trust me." she told him, fingers on one hand turning his hand palm up as the other fingers brushed lightly across his skin. "So you tell me how I'm supposed to accomplish that goal." Her eyes were on her fingers, watching intently as they traced across his palm.

"Be honest with me," Thom told her, simply, not looking down, though he could feel her fingers on his skin. "No games, no tricks - I don't like being played and I don't like being lied to. If I find out you're doing either, any trust you may have earned is gone. Apart from that it's just time. Show me I can trust you and I'll return the favour." It was as easy - and, potentially as difficult - as that.

"Okay." she agreed, eyes leaving her fingers and his palm and trailing up to his face. "I suppose I can do that." she said, her lips curling up slightly in a bit of a smile. "So, still want to go to the masquerade thing with me?" she asked. "Now that we're done arguing... or whatever. That's really kinda messed up honestly, having a lovers spat when we're not really lovers." she said, a little tinkling laugh escaped her.

"If you want me too," Thom agreed. "Though I'll need to know what as - are we supposedly still together, or are you breaking up with me?" he asked her, in all seriousness, actually. It was her decision to make, but he needed to know where he - and they - stood.

"Depends." she told him. "You're making it pretty hard for me to break up with you. I mean not leaving and all." she pointed out, her voice teasing as a smile spread across her face.

"I wondered if you'd want to change the deal - now we're being honest and everything," he said, giving her that opportunity. He wouldn't, not if she didn't want to. It could stay exactly what it was, if that's what she wanted. The choice was hers to make. His offer of help and to be there would stand no matter what.

"I don't know how much you're willing to change the deal." she noted. "I can't force you to like me, as much as I might want to. We've just got to change something because apparently things aren't working out like they are because I'm irking you and you're pissing me off and we can't keep randomly fighting, seriously. So what do we change?"

"I don't know what you're asking for," Thom pointed out. "I can't guarantee I'll ever like you like you want me to. I promised you honesty and that's part of that. I won't sit here and say that if you change or whatever, I'll like you, because not even I know that. And nobody can tell you who you should be, or what's right for you except for you. What I can offer you is support, someone to talk to - and an honest opinion. I'll tell you when I think you're full of shit, but I'll also listen. And talk to you. And offer opinions and be there for you. And if you don't agree with me, I'll take you shouting back at me. Your opinions are valid, Chrissy, even if they're different to mine. Just as valid as mine are. You just need to discuss them with me, instead of turning round and telling me to leave every time I disagree with you. And from there - we'll just have to see where things go. I can't promise you anything more. But, all the same, I won't renage on our deal if you want to keep it in place. But... If you want my help with the rest, stopping picking on people and making their lives hell is going to have to be one of the first steps anyway. If you want my respect, if you want my trust, that's gotta stop. So, as far as I'm concerned, your side of the bargain is filled either way. So, my side will stand either way. I'm yours in public, if that's what you want."

She listened as he spoke, taking in everything he said. Some parts annoying her, but she didn't open her mouth. She let him say his piece. "You can give me your opinion, but it'd really be nice if it didn't come out like it has been." she started. "Instead of being like 'you're such a bitch, blah blah blah' maybe you can try approaching it so you don't get me all pissed and not wanting to listen to you." she offered. "You can't expect me to want to listen to anything you have to say when you have me defensive from the get go." She pondered for a moment if she could actually not pick on people. If she was capable of just going through a day without doing something destructive. Somehow she doubted it, but the simple fact that he doubted it even more aggravated her, made her want to prove herself. She wanted to prove him wrong. "Mine in public." she said simply. "What if I wanted more than that?" she questioned. "Hypothetically, I mean. Not offering anything, or requesting just yet... but say I wanted more than just an acted out kiss or touch in front of people." Her fingers still trailed across his palm, slow little movements, gradually moving up until they included his wrist and the underside of his forearm as well.

Thom addressed her last point first, because it seemed the most relevant. "Then I'd be disappointed in you. And I could never like you for you - if you were the kind of person who would take that kind of a lie," he told her. But he'd do it, he knew, and the way he said it, the look in his face, would tell her that as clearly as if he'd said the words. She did, in fact, have him by the balls. He'd stick with their original deal, if that's what she wanted, but, in the long run, it would never accomplish for her what she said she wanted. "And yes, I can try and be less... antagonistic. Slightly more diplomatic," he promised, again, something that was standard no matter what route she chose.

"Disappointed in me." she repeated back to him. "Tell me something..." she went on, not even touching on what she wanted anymore. She was content with in public at the moment. If she wanted to kiss him, she could just drag him out in the crowd, it wasn't that hard to deal with. "What do you feel when I touch you?" she asked him, eyes ticking up from his hand to his eyes. "Honestly. When I kiss you. Because at the party... you made it a point to look at me. Like you had to force yourself to look at me... why?"

"You really don't want to know," Thom told her, dropping his eyes from hers.

She reached up with her free hand to snag his chin and force his eyes to hers again. "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to know." she said simply. "Be honest. Tell me."

If he was honest with her, he knew he could ruin this all again, this delicate thing he kept putting back together again. Because she could take offence, probably would take offence, if he was honest. Yet... He'd promised her he would be, and to break that now would be hypocritcal. If this was ever going to work. "Because I've never liked you, Chrissy. Because you and I haven't have a good word to say to each other since you started high school. Because I'm doing this for... For my own reasons and they're not the right ones and I need to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing when I kiss you," he told her, eventually, waiting for her to hit the roof again.

But she didn't hit the roof. She just listened to him talk, not as defensive since his tone wasn't really belittling her. He was being honest. She could feel that. "So you have to force yourself to look at me to remember that?" she questioned. "Is it hard to remember it if you don't look at me?" she asked. "Like when we're in public and I kiss you and you look like you enjoy it, do you?" She knew some sounds just couldn't be faked.

He smiled a little. "But it is you, Chrissy," he pointed out.

"That's not what I meant, nor what I asked." she told him. "I know you know it is me... but some of the noises you made coming out of the room at the party can't be faked, no matter how good an actor you are. I want to know if it's hard for you to force yourself to not enjoy it."

"I thought you wanted a guy who was different, Chrissy," Thom asked her. "I thought you were sick of guys who only wanted you for your body. Some of us have brains, you know, no matter what you think. Some of us aren't actually ruled by our dicks and it does make a difference. You know, you hated it - when I first kissed you, when you thought I'd insinuated you were a pro. Honestly? Yes, you're good - but that's not enough, Chrissy. Would you really want it to be?"

"I do want a guy who's different." she told him. "And it did suck to think that you thought, think, whatever that I go around fucking everyone. I'm not as big of a slut as you've been lead to believe. I just wanted to know what you felt, that's all. I never asked if it made you want to jump in bed with me." She sighed and leaned her head back against the pillow. "I don't want that to be enough. I want it to be harder. I want to have to work for something for once in my fucking life. And I want you. I want the satisfaction of knowing that should you end up liking me, it's not because I'll spread my legs for you. I'm tired of that. Seriously. Tired. It just causes problems, gets me in trouble and fucks up my world. Seriously. I just wanted to know that it wasn't like kissing a dog or something, okay? That's all."

He actually laughed a little at that. "No," he admitted. "It's not like kissing a dog." Which was part of the reason he had to keep reminding himself, though he'd lost it a little when she'd done that neck thing. She didn't need to know that though.

"Not too much slobber then, gotcha." she said, giving him a little wink that was accompanied with a smile. "You know, you're not very easy to read sometimes." she pointed out. "You go from being pissed at me, to laughing with me in like the course of a few minutes. Are you bi-polar?" she teased.

"No - I'm just... I'm not pissed with you, Chrissy. Frustrated, yes sometimes, but not pissed," he told her. "Trust me, you'll know if I'm ever pissed with you - you haven't seen it so far."

"Oh great. It gets worse? Fuck." Her eyes went a little wide in mock horror. "You're just going to like stab me to death with a pencil or something one of these days aren't you? I can see it now. I'll be like 'come on, kiss me' and you'll be like 'No damnit!'. Stab. Stabby stab."

Thom laughed openly at that, taking the funny side of it. "Hey, you were the one that wanted me to dress up as a mobster," he teased, leaning back on the bed, resting on his elbows as he looked over at her.

"You're not just a mobster." she pointed out. "You're Clyde to my Bonnie. We could wreak havoc on this town, baby."

He pulled a slight face. "Hmm, not really into havoc wreaking. Can I not just stay home and play my guitar?" he asked, tilting his head to one side, his mop of dark brown hair flopping over as he looked at her.

She shook her head. "No, you can't." she told him. "Come on. How bout you go to this thing for me, because it's fun, and I'm not going alone and because you're supposed to like be in love with me, duh, and then tomorrow I'll do something you want to do?"

"Chrissy - don't worry, I'm going tonight. Promise. You don't have to say you'll do something I want to or anything. How about we get through tonight and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. God, looking at our track record the past few days, we might need that," he pointed out, though there was a smile playing across his lips as he did.

"Breaking up with you is no fun." she teased back. "I don't even get the making up kissing. Asshole." She smiled though and shrugged a bit. "Maybe I just wanted the excuse to watch you play again. Humor me."

Thom lifted an eyebrow, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a harmonica. "Really?" he asked, holding it up. "You really want me to humour you...?" he asked, before starting to play anyway, since she'd kind of, sort of asked.

She watched him as he lifted the harmonica to his lips, eyes fixed on his mouth as it moved. She took a breath and swallowed it. "You're just full of surprises aren't you?" she questioned. "Any other instruments you can play?"

Thom finished the little bit of impromptu jazz he was playing before answering her. "Just the ones you know about - this, guitar and piano. And sing, nothing else," he shrugged, as if that wasn't much. "I enjoy it." And he was good at it. And if he was anyone else but who he was, he'd be turning professional. But that wasn't going to be an option in his life.

"You're good at it." she told him, eyes still on his lips for a moment before flicking to the harmonica then back to his eyes. "And ya know, it's kinda hot and all that." she allowed, smiling up at him. "I think I spent more of the party watching you than I did anything else. Oh, I heard you and Gabe talked, what was that all about?" she questioned. People had been mumbling about the two boys conversing at the party and she was curious what all had been said.

"You know, you don't need to keep telling me that - the it being hot thing and all. I get that you like it," he pointed out. "It's just... something I'm good at. And something I couldn't ever imagine not doing. I think it'd drive me crazy. Spend most of my time, free time anyway, writing or playing, so.... Yeah," he shrugged, playing it down as always. Thom was nothing if not a naturally modest person, it wasn't at all faked. "And Gabe? We - I made vague insinuations and threats, which I didn't enjoy, by the way - the guy's a friend of mine."

"You don't have to pop my 'my boyfriend is hot' bubble all the time either." she told him. "And I don't mean it like... I don't mean like it's hot in a 'omg I so wanna bang you' kinda way. I mean it's hot in a 'wow, look at how easily this comes to him' kinda way. Not that you're even going to understand a bit of that." she sighed and shrugged. "As for Gabe, I'm pretty sure he could care less what you have to say about me, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're insane and that this is all bullshit anyway. After all, I'm pretty sure the guy thinks I'm in love with him."

"Are you?" Thom asked her, wondering at that. He was of no doubt that Gabe thought he was insane. Along with Isaac and every other person who knew him anywhere ever. He could deal with that though.

"In love with Gabe?" she questioned buying herself that moment of time that she needed to gather her thoughts on the subject. Finally she shook her head. "No. I don't think so. I think I'm in love with who I wanted Gabe to be." she said simply. "I wanted to be this perfect girl with the perfect boyfriend and everything just peachy and wonderful... and for a while it was. Things were great. And he liked me, loved me... I thought he did. Hell he might have, I don't know. But no, I don't think I love Gabe. Not like I used to. But there's something there, always will be. I can't change that. I fell hard for him, I lost my virginity to him. There's always going to be that little thread of emotion that ties me to him." She sighed as her eyes caught his again. "I really shouldn't have said all of that..."

"Why shouldn't you have said that?" Thom asked her, taking her answer and considering it, yet not passing judgement on it.

"Because..." she began, turning her face away from him and looking up at the ceiling. "Because letting you in... isn't smart." she told him. "Because letting you know that I'm not perfect, that I... That I don't even know what I'm feeling makes me feel weak and I don't want you to think I am." she said. "I'm supposed to have everything figured out and I just... don't. So how bout we pretend I never even said any of that?"

Thom smiled a little and tucked the harmonica back into his pocket. "Chrissy - I already knew you weren't perfect. Nobody is. Everyone has their weak moments. It's what makes us... people." He stumbled a little, going for human, then changing his mind. His last girlfriend had been an angel, and not even she was perfect. Far from it, in fact.

"Doesn't make me any less annoyed that you know I'm a loser who can't seem to let go of her exboyfriend." she sighed. "I don't even want to be with him. That's the fucked up part. It's just like... when I'm around him, I remember how things used to be and it drives me fucking crazy and sometimes I think that maybe things could be different." She glanced back at him again. "Do you ever wish you could be with Leija again?" she asked.

"Every day," he told her with blunt honesty. "I... I would never take her back, but that doesn't mean I don't... I wish things had worked out differently. Our breakup wasn't my choice," he told her, which she probably already knew, but she would only know the rumours of what happened.

"What happened?" she questioned. She knew bits and pieces. Inflated rumors mostly. Gossip and behind the sources backs kinda talk. "Honestly?" He didn't have to tell her, she didn't expect him to, but honestly she hadn't expected him to tell her that he did in fact think about being with Leija still, after everything.

"She liked someone else more than me," Thom told her, miserably, every suggestion of humour gone from his tone. He didn't sound pissed, just... a little empty, maybe. He wondered if she'd tell. Possibly it was a test of sorts. He'd know, anyway. He didn't mean it like that. He'd just not been able to talk about it to anyone else. Sure, he could have talked to Isaac, Isaac would have been there for him in a heartbeat, but Isaac had Peyton and he didn't want to bring the guy down. He wouldn't do that to his best friend.

"Caleb?" she questioned. The rumors that now circulated made him the likely choice. Though she couldn't for the life of her see why Leija would have chosen him over Thom. Sure he was decent looking but he was so mopey and withdrawn. Of course Caleb hated Chrissy so there was that. "Want me to beat him up for you?" she teased, a smile spreading across her lips.

"Trust me, if I'd wanted him beaten up, it would have happened by now," Thom told her. "I said she liked someone better - I didn't say it was his fault." Which was a pity. Thom would have really liked it if Leija'd given him event he slightest reason to think Caleb had a hand in this. It would make things simpler.

She sighed and nodded, then sat up and brushed a hand across his cheek, turning his face towards her. "No more pity party, pretty boy. It sucks. It does, but don't let her liking someone better make you think less of yourself. You'll be just fine, you have been just fine. And if it's any kind of consolation, I think she made a pretty stupid decision. At least you have a sense of humor. Caleb is so angsty." she rolled her eyes and gave a bit of a smile, then kissed his cheek.

"It doesn't make me think less of myself," Thom told her, easing himself back from the kiss, but not pushing her away. "But that doesn't mean I don't miss her. Or what we had. I thought it was something good, something worth it. I was wrong. As for Lockwood - I don't know him."

"He's an ass. Course he hates my guts and I'm a bitch so it's kinda hard for me to really give you a true opinion of the boy. But I know what you mean, about missing someone. See, you're a lot more like me than you want to admit. And we're both being pretty stupid because by sitting around missing people we're not giving ourselves the chance to do much of anything else. So, be happy damn it. You're bringing down my mood." she teased. "How bout I try on this damn costume and you tell me if it makes my ass look fat?"

"You brought up Leija. You want me happy, don't bring up Leija," he recommended. He didn't move on particularly quickly. Isaac had always said that was his way - he never did anything quickly. He didn't fall quickly, and he didn't move on quickly. It took him a while to make up his damn mind, but once it was made up, he had staying power. The only thing that got him moving quickly was Kaysen. "And your ass isn't gonna look fat, Chrissy - we both know this already. You've got one of the best figures going. But, if you really want to, go ahead," he told her, giving her a half way complement there.

She smiled at the sideways half-compliment and shook her head, climbing over his legs to get off the bed again. She took the costume off the back of the closet door and headed for the bathroom. She left the door cracked slightly so she could still talk to him while she changed. "Point taken. No more bringing up whatsherface because I like you much better when you're smiling and not all grumptastic."

"Leija," Thom corrected, unsurprised that it didn't seem to occur to her to not bring up his ex because it made him feel bad. That would be asking too much. He brought the harmonica out again as she disappeared and started to play softly, whiling away the time until she got back.

She rolled her eyes when he corrected her, but didn't say anything. She didn't want to talk about Leija any more than Thom did. She went about changing into the costume and then headed back out into her bedroom. "So, what do you think?" she questioned, doing a little spin.

Thom looked up and stopped playing, lifting the harmonica from his mouth. "Not bad - guess you'll do," he told her, then shrugged a little. "Okay - you look very nice," he allowed, since he was meant to be being nice to her and he wasn't sure whether she'd take a downplay about her appearance very well.

She rolled her eyes and took off the little hat that came with the costume, flinging it at him and hitting him in the chest. "You're a brat. 'Nice'? That's the best you can come up with?" she chuckled. "You're a lousy boyfriend." she teased.

"Told you at the start - feel free to complain all you want about me," Thom said, picking up the hat and straightening it slightly. That and he didn't figure he needed to feed her ego when it came to her appearance. She was gorgeous and she knew it. He stood and walked over to stand in front of her, placing the hat back on her head, at an angle. "There - better with the hat."

Her eyes ticked up to his as he put the hat on her. "Thanks." Even if he wasn't singing her praises, she was pretty sure he thought she was pretty, or any other phrase that meant the same thing. "So, am I gonna meet you at the masque, or are you gonna be dashing and all that and come and get me?"

"I can pick you up," he told her. "I have the car again tonight, so it's not a problem. Seven-thirty work okay for you?" he asked, to check. "or do you need longer to get ready...."

"Seven-thirty works." she said with a little nod. "Shouldn't take too long to make Skye look gorgeous. And I'm already gorgeous so there's not much trying there." she chuckled and shook her head, taking the hat off and setting it on her vanity. "Suppose that means you're ready to hit the road then?" she questioned. "I've still gotta shower and all that and since you're obviously opposed to my nakedness, you probably don't want to stick around for that."

"Yeah, I should get going - I'll see you in a while then," he told her, deciding that it would be best to just gently ignore the nakedness comment, since she was either winding him up, or didn't get what he'd been doing. Either way, today wasn't the day to get into that.

"See ya, tonight then." she agreed with a simple nod. She'd noticed the lack of comment back on her previous one, but she let it slide, for now. "Bye." She didn't bother showing him out, simply headed back towards the bathroom. He was a big boy and by now he knew his way to the door.