Falling

Who: Alejandro and the Mourning Star
Where: A secluded beach a few miles outside Seaside, Oregon
When: Late afternoon, August 17, 2007 (Flashback)

The screaming had finally stopped, but Alejandro was really more disappointed than relieved. He'd gotten a long list of names out of Marianna's father before he'd stopped caring about information and just focused on the punishment-- Nicholas Young wasn't going to be hurting anyone again, much less his fleeing, frightened daughter-- and he was nearing the end. Every one of them had, had something to do with tracking Marianna down, had taken a bribe or a favor or actually knew the truth and just didn't care. Every one of them deserved it, and then some.

Alejandro wasn't entirely sure what this one had done, though. He was a young police officer, pretty low down on the rungs, but very dedicated to the job. Maybe he'd been promised a promotion for catching the pretty little girl who'd run away. Maybe he knew Nicholas personally and was doing him a favor. Maybe he was one of those bastards who did know the truth. He was involved; that was enough for Alejandro.

Well, he had been involved. He certainly wasn't anymore. Alejandro looked down at the remains with a little disgust. He'd have to bury him, or something, or get him farther out in the water. Then he had one more person to track down and get rid of, and Marianna would be safe.

Disappointing that it'd have to end already. It had been a good week.

The Mourning Star was watching. She always was, in some fashion. Things didn't really slip through the cracks on her watch, and this case was no different. So, she listened to the screams, watched through the vengeance, and was quietly waiting for Alejandro. Her presence came into existence silently, one second the space was vacant, the next it was as if she'd been there the whole time. Leaning against a tree, black dress making her stand out in the surroundings, hair up with soft curls tumbling down around her face, she kept her violet gaze on the angel, not announcing her presence just yet. Her arms were crossed, paper white skin kept in the shadow of the tree, inverted crosses dangling from her ears and around her neck catching the light. She watched, and waited for him to turn back around, turn towards her.

The water seemed like a good idea, actually, so Alejandro turned back towards the inland and where he'd left his shirt-- no sense getting it all bloody and ruining it, after all; besides, it made keeping his wings out more comfortable-- to add his shoes to the small pile of clothing. He didn't get more than a single step towards the trees before the figure caught his attention and stopped him short, staring at her in surprise, and then wary dismay.

Shit. How much had she seen? How long had she been there? And why the hell wasn't she screaming for police by now?

"Hello, Alejandro." she said, pushing off of the tree to start towards him. She did so calmly, in a non-threatening sort of manner, and her tone held no malice. It wasn't up to her to punish the fallen, or the ascended. It was just her job to judge who it had to happen to. Balance, really. There was even a special place in her heart for those who lost their way, they were hers, in a way. But that didn't mean she didn't know what it was like to Fall. She did. And she knew it was painful, no matter how it happened.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Who are you?" he asked. Because he had no idea, and she somehow knew him. That was even a worse position to be in than to be seen with the policeman's dead body.

'Star walked up closer, bare feet making no sound as she did so, an she clasped her hands behind her back. She came up very close, and circled around him once, looking him over. "I am The Mourning Star." she informed him, stopping when she was in front of him again, and she faced him, looking up into his eyes. "And you have strayed from your path, sweetheart."

"The morning-- what? What the hell are you talking about?" The name sounded familiar-- if it was even a name; what kind of a name was "morning star"?-- but he couldn't for the life of him remember where just then. Even though she didn't look remotely threatening, he still found himself taking a step back from her inspection, uncomfortable.

She didn't mind the recoil. Most did it at first. "The Mourning Star. You've lost you way, dear. You've completely strayed off the path, and haven't turned yourself back on it, and I'm afraid, after your recent actions, there isn't any going back. I'm here because you're Falling." She waited, not speaking further until that bit sank in, and she wondered if he was going to be the type to start spouting about how it wasn't fair or not. Or one of the ones who pleaded with her not to do it, or one of the ones who tried to get away. There were so many different reactions when this sort of thing happened, though the most common of them all were tears of some nature. Though occasionally...they were from relief.

The Mourning Star. An old legend his mother had told him when she told him about the Fallen and Ascended. That's where he knew that name.

Wait. Falling? "That-- can't be right," he said. Blurted, really. He couldn't Fall. He'd hated the Fallen. He'd never-- he loved his job. He'd never turn his back on it. How could that be right?

"Trust me, it's right." Star said, nodding to him. "Do you need to sit down?" she asked. "We can certainly talk about it, though the decision has been made." she added, in a gentle sort of tone. "I've been watching you. And..." she sighed, and shook her head. "You've gone past your calling. Far past, dear, and I'm sure somewhere you know that."

Alejandro backed up again, as if putting more distance between him and her would make whatever she said less true. In the process, he actually tripped on the corpse he'd made just minutes before and landed with a splash in the retreating ebb of a wave. "You're wrong," he said automatically.

"Am I?" she asked, not going after him. It wasn't as if he could get away. She was part of the very fabric of reality, there wasn't anyplace he could find that would be unreachable by her. She sighed, and let her eyes fall meaningfully on the corpse. "How well did you look into the background of this one?" she asked. "And where exactly in your calling did murder and torture become a part of it? Particularly when you're enjoying it...there are beings out there who revel in such things, and while sometimes it's necessary to angels...I'm sure you can guess what I'm talking about. You've corrupted yourself." Her tone was still soft, gentle, even, though there was a note of unyeilding beneath it. There wasn't any room for him to really argue with her, she didn't sound like she could be swayed.

Room to argue or not, Alejandro was an arguer, and he refused to let this sink in without a fight. He hated the Fallen. The fact that, no, he hadn't looked into the policeman's background didn't matter. Did it? He was making sure Marianna was safe. "Some people have to be punished," he said, but it sounded weak even to his own ears. He tried again, more fiercely: "Some people deserve it."

Mourning Star walked closer then, her feet in the edge of the water, near the body, and she squatted down, letting her fingers drift through the tainted waves. "Of course they do." she agreed, nodding at him. "Some people do have to be punished, that's part of what you were here for, and the ones that do do in fact, deserve it." she said. Then she looked at the body. "This one, however..." she shook her head, reaching out to slide the lids shut. "He didn't. You got too wrapped up in your own personal whirlwind, honey, and it stopped being about her. You didn't do all of your homework, and this man was innocent. Incidentally, so is the next one on your list. I thought I'd step in before you snuffed out another innocent light."

Alejandro's horror that he'd killed someone "innocent"-- not that most people were innocent, though; he just hadn't gotten the right crime-- was brief and eclipsed by one thought: "I'm going to Fall for a mistake??"

Star looked at him for a long moment, head tilting to the side a tiny bit as she seemed to pet the corpse. "See now. That right there is proof. You're worried about you, not about what you did. Remember when I said this wasn't about her anymore? Listen to yourself, Alejandro. A mistake? It was a bit more than a mistake for him." she said, nodding in the cop's direction. "All he was doing was trying to help someone he thought was telling him the truth. A distraught father. He didn't know what had really happened. That isn't his fault. He was a good man. And you took pleasure in ending him. Not because of her, but because you enjoyed it, and didn't want to stop. Enough so that you didn't even check to see if he was truly involved before you started. This isn't a mistake. This is a clear, deliberate chain of events you set into motion and didn't care to end. Well...I'm ending it now, sweetheart. You're no longer going to be an angel. You can't be after what you've done. I'm sorry, but you made your own choices." She finally took her hand from the body and reached it out towards him, standing. "Come on."

He stared at her hand for a long moment before, without taking it, looking up at her again. All right, so that... made sense. Kind of. He didn't want it to, but it did, and he couldn't make it not. "Wait... wait. Shouldn't there be some kind of-- warning first? A 'don't do it again' sort of thing? Before it's-- final?" Wouldn't that be fair? Because he could. Not do it again. He was sure he could, if it meant not Falling.

"Alejandro, you are supposed to be a force of good in the world. That was your place, that was your calling, that was your duty. You aren't a child, learning, and there are no second chances. Really, I shouldn't have had to tell you what you did wrong. The fact that I did, and how you viewed it says more than enough. Your judgment isn't even remotely calibrated correctly anymore. You have broken yourself. You don't get a do over." Her hand was still held out to him, her tone still gentle, and she took a step closer to him. "You could have stopped this about four deaths ago. When you first felt yourself straying, but something inside you didn't want to. It's time."

Alejandro didn't move away again, just sitting there and letting the ocean pool up around him, soaking his jeans more with each wave, and slide away again. The arguing wouldn't get him anywhere, he knew that, and he couldn't think up another argument, anyway. Running away? Not likely to work, if she was who she said she was, and if she knew all the things she knew, she probably was. But actually taking her hand would have taken a willpower-- an acceptance, an admittance-- that he just didn't have in him. She'd have to get it, herself, but he wasn't going to fight.

Star waited, until it was clear he wasn't going to take her hand. Then she let it drop to her side, and she walked around behind him, squatting down. She reached out, and slid her hands down his bare back, a sensation reminiscent of pins and needles in their wake as she sealed the mechanism in him that could call out his wings, taking them. She smled faintly, running her fingertips over the tattoos on his shoulder. "You know, I always liked these." she murmured. Then she slid in more closely behind him, knees going into the water to lean behind him, and she tugged him back against her, arms around his shoulders. "It won't hurt." she whispered to him, lips close to his ear. She hugged him, taking in the embrace the things that made him an angel, sliding them away from him. Star reached down to take one of his hands, and she laced her fingers through them, not altering the position much. She was always there for her little fallen or ascended, making sure that the process was as painless as it could be, and that she was there to hold their hand. A sharp but not necessarily painful sensation slid into his palm, branding him with an invisible mark--the mark of the fallen. The Mourning Star's mark.

The process itself didn't take very long.

When the Mourning Star walked around behind him, Alejandro turned his head to watch her, automatically. Now what was she doing.... When she touched him, he actually jumped with a little splash, but didn't get anywhere, because that feeling-- was weird. And alien. And he decided immediately he didn't like it. What was she doing to him...?

He figured it out when she put her arms around him, and he wanted to leap forward and away, to keep her from doing it-- stupid, pointless, she'd do it anyway-- but it was too late, anyway. As the latest wave washed up, surged around his hips and over his legs, and pulled away again, it felt like something-- left him. Bled away painlessly but left behind emptiness, so he knew it was gone. Something that he'd never even noticed was there, because it always had been. And now it wasn't.

He hardly noticed the sting-that-wasn't to his palm, because it had really hit him that this was it. No going back, no making up for it, no... nothing. By the time it was over, he was biting hard on his lip to keep back a sob, and tears were rolling down his cheeks in complete silence.

Star stayed close, reaching out to pet his back lightly as she was a solid presence there for him. She didn't tell him not to cry, or to hush. It wasn't anything that was easy to go through, she knew that. So instead, she was merely there for him, even if she was aware he didn't particularly want to be around her. She never felt right about leaving the lost ones alone to deal until she was satisfied they were over the initial shocks. Sometimes that was a long time, others it wasn't. It was different for everyone.

It probably seemed like Alejandro didn't even notice her. He trembled a little, tension in every muscle, but he didn't turn to look at her and he didn't say anything. His breath came with the uneven rhythm of someone trying not to make any noise with his tears, and his fingers dug into fists in the wet sand. No one had ever been there for him, before, so why should he accept that this person who had taken this from him was actually there for him, now?

Not that some part of him didn't want someone to be. Even someone who had taken away everything that had made him who he was, in his own mind. He just couldn't believe it, even if he did want it.

His shock was going to be one of the long ones.

Star kept petting his back, even if he didn't acknowledge her. She even hummed a little, a tune no one around had ever recorded or even remembered, something soft, lightly melodious. This was going to be very hard on him, she knew. He wasn't taking it terribly well, and while most didn't, he also hadn't seen it coming, apparently, which always made the event worse. When she did move, she leaned around him to press a kiss to his cheek.

That just broke him a little more. When had someone kissed his cheek? Ever? And hummed to him? But this time it was a slightly different broken, and because he couldn't resist it-- and she was practically offering-- Alejandro gave in and turned around abruptly, ignoring the water and the darkening sky and burying his face in the goddess's shoulder to sob.

She put her arms around him, and let him cry, holding him for it. This happened often, and that's really what she was there for. Sure, she knew that it wasn't really in her job description. She could be as dispassionate about the entire affair as she wanted to be, she just...wasn't. Every time it happened, she was there, and she stayed there. Her lost little souls. She rocked him lightly, humming still as she rubbed his back, yes, like she was comforting a child. But that was alright, in some ways that was how she viewed them. They were her territory, after all.

By the time he was too worn out to cry any more, Alejandro was too worn out for much of anything else, either. He couldn't even be bothered to move, though some little part of his brain told him he really shouldn't be huddled practically in the lap of someone who'd done this to him. Like a damn child. Moving just seemed like too much effort, and besides, it felt good to have someone holding him and rubbing his back and... yeah. Good thing no one could see him, or he'd be mad as hell.

He did, though, lift a salty, sandy hand to rub at his nose. What the hell, crying one's heart out apparently made for runny noses. He'd... pretty much forgotten that, it'd been so long. He started to chuckle weakly. "And there's my revenge," he said thickly. "I got snot on you. Fuck."

She smiled a little at that. "Wouldn't be the first time." Star said. "I've had much worse, trust me." she added. "Everyone reacts differently, after all. I'm sure you can imagine some other reactions. But it's okay. It's what I'm here for." She reached up to brush the hair away from his face with her fingers, straightening it some. "Are you okay?" she asked. She was more asking in the 'right now in this moment' kind, considering she knew he wasn't at all really okay. And likely wouldn't be for some time.

Alejandro could imagine other reactions. Probably better ones than falling apart and bawling like a baby. Though maybe she'd prefer that to someone taking a gun or a switchblade or a holy sword on her, how would he know? He at least knew better than that.

At her question he chuckled again, though it wasn't exactly a happy sound. Just a tired one. He told himself he was going to actually move and get up, get the fuck out of here, go get drunk or beat up or hit by a truck, except the telling didn't equal the doing and he didn't so much as twitch. "I'm done blubbering, but 'okay' isn't exactly happening."

She nodded, tucking more curls behind his ear for him. "It'll hurt for a while. It always does." she said. "And I'm sure you know, but you'll have to be very careful, from here on out. You'll have to take care of yourself, and make sure you keep yourself as low key as possible, so you don't cross paths with anyone who knew you before, or who would single you out to hunt down. It'll be an adjustment, just like aging will be."

Aging. He'd never really thought about aging... it had always been a non-issue. He'd barely started to live his life, by his mother's standards, and already it was pretty much going to be over. How long would he have? Fifty years? Forty? Less, if anyone found out and he couldn't fight them off... god, he'd never be able to see his mother again. Not that he'd seen her in years, but there'd never been the actual thought that he couldn't, if for some reason he wanted to.

... not crossing paths with people he knew before. Aw hell. "I have to go back home," he told her, that making him sit up at last. "There's a little girl living in my basement." He didn't think fae would care about the Fallen, but... he'd have to not tell her. He scrubbed at his face, which felt crusty. Salt spray and tears. The saltwater-wet hand wasn't really helping much.

"It's your choice." Star said with a nod. "Just be careful. Try to avoid any angels you used to know, if you did. You choose to live in an area that has a high concentration of all sorts of things, so...watch yourself. Be very careful to keep that low profile I mentioned, don't draw attention to yourself. And be ready to run, if you have to."

Alejandro sighed and finally pushed himself to his feet. He actually wavered a little on them before forcing himself steady. Everything felt all wrong, but he was not falling on his ass again. Nothing she said was anything he didn't know-- well, the confirmation that it wasn't just him happening to run into the weirdos, and there were a lot of supernaturals in Marquette was kind of new-- and hearing her say it would probably have annoyed him if he weren't so damn off-balance and exhausted. As it was, he just nodded tiredly.

And a glimmer of... something made him look back at her. "You're a goddess. If anything happens to me and that girl in my basement is in trouble... just, do something about it, all right?"

"I'm not a goddess." Mourning Star said first. "I'm an entity. I have no following, people don't even believe I exist. They don't know about me. Gods are those who have worshipers. I serve a function." She kept her violet eyes on his, speaking seriously. "But you are mine now. I might come if you called. It'll depend on the situation. I take care of my own, but I can't save you all. I can only maintain the balance. Which is something you can keep helping with, if you wish."

Alejandro shied away from that as violently as one could without actually moving. For a split second, before he clamped down on it, he actually felt ill. Balance. New calling. No, thank you. No, fuck you. He still wasn't even ready to think about what his original calling was going to be like, now, much less consider what a new calling might be like. He didn't even comment on it. "Come if I call. Maybe. ... Okay." Which, while not as... threatening... a concept, was still an extremely, extremely weird concept for him. And not one he was sure he was comfortable with.

But then, he wasn't very sure he'd be comfortable with much for a long time. "Okay," he said again. "I guess... then... you'll find me if you-- need me, or whatever."

"I only find those I need if they've agreed to be there for me." Star told him, with a little smile. "So...in your case, I won't." She didn't sound angry with him for that. She really didn't. She wasn't, in fact. Some fallen and ascended needed the direction, needed a calling to follow because it was all they had ever known. Some flat out refused, then claimed allegiance later. Some she never saw again, and they either faded into the background of the world, or sought out death. They were all allowed to freely choose whatever they wished. She always respected whatever choice they made. "Don't worry. You won't be bothered with it." she added, so he would know the subject was dropped.

Right then, all Alejandro felt was relief, because it was just one less thing to think about. He was already running out of what brain-power remembering Jezebelle had given him. "Okay," he said. Again. "I guess... good-bye." Because what else did you say to the person-- goddess, entity, whatever she was-- who had taken away what you were, offered you something else and everything in you said fuck no, and then said she wouldn't be bothering him again? "Good-bye" sounded about right.

Star smiled. "Are you ready for me to leave?" she asked, giving him a kiss on the forehead, as she watched his eyes. "If you are, goodbye." she said. "And good luck. I'll be keeping an eye on you." Even if he never saw her again. She always kept tabs, but the kind she kept were so unobtrusive, no one ever knew about them unless she wanted them to. Like with Doc.

What Alejandro was ready for was to stumble back to his hotel, take a hot shower, and collapse for a while. But ready for her to leave covered it, too. He stood meekly still when she kissed him, and after a pause, muttered an almost shy-sounding, " ... thanks." A little bit for the "good luck", because he thought he'd really, really need it, and a little bit for the... letting him cry on her.

"You're welcome." Star said. She gave him a warm sort of smile as she gave his marked hand a squeeze, then took a step back away from him. As she stepped back, she faded, slipping away like she'd never been there at all, leaving only the faint traces of her perfume mixed with the scent of brimstone.