find something you can appreciate

Who: Eben and Kavin
Where: Library
When: Afternoon

By the time Kavin had made his way to his last class for the day, he wasn't in the mood for Physics. Hell, he wasn't in the mood for breathing really. He wanted his pills. He wanted to down a whole damn bottle by this point and it'd only been a few hours since the last time he'd taken some. How he was going to survive not having them for god knows how long was beyond him. He made up an excuse to get out of the room, not needing the chattering of the classroom in his ears. He wanted quiet. Needed quiet. He found himself in the library and moved to the furthest table back he could find. He set his bag down in one chair and pulled another one out to plop himself down in. Elbows rested on the table and fingers moving to rub at his eyes, he let out a sigh and shook his head. "Why can't this day just end?" he said softly to himself.

Eben was in the library, more or less wasting time. He was sitting at one of the tables by himself, drawing in his big 5 subject notebook--which really while functional, really held far more drawings than actual notes for any classes. But he remembered his notes better when he doodled on them! He could remember what drawing they were by, and that helped. Or, that was his theory and he was sticking to it. When he heard someone talking to themselves, he looked over. "Well, technically, it's already over somewhere in the world. Or maybe it hasn't started yet. Or both!" he said cheerfully.

Kavin moved his hands away from his face, brushing them back through his hair before folding them and letting them drop to the table. He glanced over at the boy, the chipper mood he seemed to be in completely opposite of his own. "Well then, I wish that I were wherever it was over." he said simply.

"You could hop a plane." Eben suggested. "But that might actually just take you longer than waiting it out. It's not that much longer, in the grand scheme of things. School's almost out, either way." he offered. He smiled, realizing the guy there--Kavin, he thought--was in a pissy mood, but maybe he could cheer him up or something.

"No point in wasting the cash or the effort." he agreed. "Might as well wait it out, go home and sleep until I die or something." Sleeping would be nice. Dying too probably. Much better than the twitchy fire that seemed to be building in his chest. "You're in a happy, carefree kinda mood." he pointed out. Or maybe that was just how the boy was. One of those people that were just always happy. Kavin envied people like that, who just didn't worry about shit.

"Sleeping until death sounds kinda boring." Eben pointed out. Then he gave Kavin a serene sort of smile and nodded. "Yeah, I am. But I usually am. There something the matter with it?" he asked curiously, really wondering occasionally why everyone seemed so determined to be down all the time. But then again people stressed themselves out over the silliest things, in his opinion.

Kavin shrugged. "I wouldn't really say there's anything wrong with it. Just don't see many people all happy and sunshiney and rainbows and light all the time. Everyone has their moments of 'the world and everything in it sucks'. Don't you?" He was pretty sure the guy would say no. In fact, he would probably bet on it.

"Not really." Eben said, moving over to take a seat next to Kavin, even if he wasn't invited to. "The world certainly isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I don't really feel like the world and everything in it sucks. Things selectively suck, but totally not everything." he said with a nod. Then he glanced around the room for about .2 seconds. "For instance," he said. "That girl over there. She's very cute. She doesn't suck. And school's almost out for the day. That doesn't suck. Oh! And it hasn't started snowing yet. Also a terribly keen thing in my book. Even though I like snow, we'll get enough when winter kicks in."

"Cute girls are nothing but trouble." he said, shaking his head then resting his forehead against the palm of his hand. Cute girls weren't really something that he was wanting to talk about. In fact, he'd much prefer heading to some place where all the girls were completely hideous. Maybe an Island with all ugly chicks so that he wouldn't have to deal with liking anyone. Yeah, that'd be nice.

"Well that's a gross generalization." Eben said reasonably. "That one might not be. I'm sure there are some cute girls in the world that are, in fact, trouble. But there are cute boys in the world who are trouble too. And un-cute people as well. It's all really something that needs to be dealt with on a case-to-case basis. Everyone's different." he continued, as if Kavin cared about his point of view. He propped his chin on his hand and eyed the guy. "Though I'm guessing that this is specific-cute-girl-trouble." he added.

Pulling his hand away from his face, Kavin shook his head. "Not anymore." he said simply, not that he wanted to talk about the situation at all. The whole thing had been talked to death by this time. More than he really wanted it to have been. A big huge mess of a short-lived thing. He wasn't sure if he'd even call it a relationship really. It wasn't long enough and there weren't really much relation going on at all. Charlotte had been right. She didn't know him and he didn't know her. He tried to ignore the fact that Eben had put 'cute boys' in the conversation because, yeah, he totally didn't need to be thinking about that topic either.

"Well, you certainly look like you've got major troubles going on." Eben pointed out. "So...what's up?" he asked, inviting him to talk if he wanted. Of course, he wouldn't be surprised or offended if Kavin told him to fuck off and mind his own business, either. It wasn't like it hadn't happened to Eben before. He just always offered if he could. It was in his nature.

"Dude, I've done far too much talking for one day. Just makes a big damn mess of something that's already fucking ridiculously messy to begin with." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger, trying his best to remember to keep his mouth shut about everything. Closed mouths were better. Less aggravation.

Eben shrugged. "Your call. Just figured I'd offer." he said. "Though, usually things are way less complicated than people make them out to be. Especially when they're in the middle of it." he added. Or, that's how the world looked in Eben's worldview.

"Well thanks. For the offer." Kavin allowed. "And it probably is less complicated, who knows?" he said with a shrug. He knew parts of it were definitely more complicated than he really cared to think about. Probably not all of them, but those few things were enough to make his brain just throb in his skull.

"Could be! Hey, one thing, you said the 'not anymore' thing over the girl-part. So, whatever it is is done, therefore no longer complicated." Eben said. He started doodling again too. "And you're welcome. So, besides kinda...being despondent and moping a bunch, did you have anything else you were doing?" he asked.

"I guess you have a point." Kavin said with a nod. "She's not a problem anymore. Not that she was to begin with... it's just... a long story. But yeah, no. Despondent and mopey are about my only tasks at hand at the moment. I'm mastering the art of teen angst."

"Well you're doing a good job." Eben said helpfully, with a smile. "So...that's coming along well for you. How nice. But see? Something positive. All you need now is to carve mildly emo words on the table in front of you and get yourself suspended, and you'll be well on your way."

That got a little laugh out of the boy, despite his trying to hold the thing back. "I don't think I pull off the whole 'emo' thing. Having an experimental hair-to-gel ratio and wearing girls pants? Just not my style. Don't think I could really pull it off." Kavin told him.

"Well, you could always just go in for the hair and a bunch of sad tattoos all over." Eben offered with a grin. "You know, get some eyeliner, go scene. Get yourself a myspace and a digital camera. It'll be great!"

Kavin shook his head and let out a little laugh. "Yeah. I guess I could. Maybe get some of my angst out all over the web. Blog about how life sucks and it's so unfair and all that. I'm well on my way to being an emo kid. Thanks!"

"You'll have to start with really horrible poetry. That rhymes. What rhymes with 'endlessly flowing salty tears of despair'?" Eben said, glad he seemed to be cheering the guy up. That was good. he was happy he could make a difference, even in a small way.

"'And it only gets worse! I'm out of hair gel!'?" he offered up. "Oh god, I'm already turning into an emo kid. Thanks a lot man. I'll never get my rep back up to where it's supposed to be." Kavin said, cracking a smile. He still felt like shit, but at least his mind was moving off of Charlotte and onto other things. Even if those other things just happened to be tacky poetry and angsty teendom.

"Oh my good god!" Eben gasped. "Out of--this is an emergency. We should leave right now and run to the store and get you all the supplies you'll need. Hair gel, dye, eyeliner as thick as a sharpie, black lipstick, nail polish...a wardrobe that looks like it was put together by blind sixth graders... You'll just have to start a new rep as the most emo emo-kid in the county."

Kavin chuckled. "I'll get right on that, man. I'll make out a huge list of all the essential emo things a real emo-kid needs." He shook his head trying to picture himself all emo-ed up. Yeah, that was an interesting picture for sure. The whole thing made him want to laugh. "Do you convert people to emo-ism often?" he teased.

"I'm sure you can find a starter kit list on the internet. It'll be good for you, brushing up on your net savvy by making sure you're a true emo kid. You'll need some start up caplital, but I have faith you can manage." Eben said. "And you know, not generally speaking, as a rule. Generally if I do any sort of conversions, it's just of the 'here, appreciate art, life, and the universe' related. This is my first foray into emo-conversion."

"Well don't be surprised if I show up tomorrow in girl pants, a skintight shirt and my freshly dyed hair plastered to my face." he warned with a laugh. "So how exactly does the 'appreciate art, life and the universe' talk go?" he queried.

Eben thought about that for a moment, musing it over. "Well, it depends on what people are doing at the time. Or what they're upset about if they're upset. It's a perspective sort of thing. People are really far too uptight, you know. It happens. They're really worried about all these little things that don't actually matter and people don't let things go. So it festers. And makes them miserable. Simple appreciation of things...it changes the whole world."

Kavin wasn't really in the mood to appreciate much of anything, but he supposed the guy had a point. Things did tend to snowball because people held onto everything. "Changing the world one annoyed person at a time? Never know, it might make a difference."

"Actually, that's a fairly accurate description, so yes!" Eben said pleasantly. "And I like to think it does. I know there are people out there who call me when they are in poor moods just to get cheered up." he added. "I'm pretty good for that. See...the way I see it everyone has something about them you can appreciate. Everyone. At least one thing. And it probably doesn't even take that much to find it."

"Well I don't know about everyone..." he began. "I mean, I guess you could find something nice about everyone, but some people you just don't even want to bother with. Just seems like a waste of time. But if it's working for you and the people around you, I can't fault you for it, that's for sure. At least you're making a difference to a few people right?"

"Well see that's part of the problem. People want to think there's nothing worth it, but there is. So, they are worth the time. Some people it's just more difficult to find in than others. But that definitely means they're worth the time, because if people write them off all the time...they're probably lonely. So if they have someone in their lives in any capacity, that's probably very good for them. You can find very very loyal friends that way." Eben said.

"I guess so." he said with a shrug. "I guess I'll just have to do some more thinking on the topic. Maybe I'll start looking a little harder for good in people. Can't make you any guarantees though." He glanced at his watch and smiled. "But, the day is coming to an end, thank god." he said, shifting slightly in his chair as he pushed away from the table. "Catch ya later?"

"Ah--wait." Eben said, holding up one finger. "I didn't say look for good. I said to look for something you can appreciate. There's a difference. I'm not preaching the whole...the world is a shiny place. My parents are hippies if you want that go talk to them. But I think there's something in everyone that you can like, on some level. Doesn't have to be good." he clarified. "So just start looking for that. It'll be fun for you, promise, if you actually do it. It's like looking at humanity in an entirely different manner." Then he looked up as Kavin stood. "Yeah, I'm around." he smiled. "Nice talking with you."

"Well, that's probably a little easier then." he noted. "Something I can appreciate instead of something 'good' per say. I think I can do that. Or at least try." he shrugged. Whether or not he accomplished it depended entirely on how he felt the next couple days. "But yeah, nice talkin' to you." he agreed. "See ya." Kavin collected his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and giving the kid a departure wave as he headed for the door.