Late night/ early morning

To: Leija
From: Thom
Date: Aug 17, 2007 03:00am
Subject: Couldn't sleep

You'll get this in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. Wanted to ring you, but I don't want to wake you. yeah, I should have rung at a more reasonable time, right? Like, say last night? Or something. Sorry - I just...

I think I've lost a best friend. I fucked up, badly. Said something I should have just kept my big mouth shut about and now he thinks I'm batshit insane.

I don't know what to do. I told Isaac about the 'other' stuff in the world. He didn't know any of it existed. And I don't think I did a very good job of telling. Screw that, I KNOW I did a terrible job of explaining everything and I think I killed his head. I should have just left it, but he needed to know. You know his sister fell into the fire at the party? Turns out that she didn't get hurt. At all. So I was looking into it because that sort of thing isn't kosher and I think she's a fire elemental. And if she is, then I didn't feel right keeping that from my best friend and her brother. Anyway, so we got into that and then I realised that he really didn't know. Anything. Except by then I was in the middle of everything and - you know they talk about digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole? Yeah, it was that kind of thing and now I don't know what to do and it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling at you.

You know, I don't ramble. Ever.

I've missed you - how've you been?

Thom

To: Thom
From: Leija
Date: Aug 17, 2007 04:17am
Subject: Re: Couldn't sleep

A) I don't mind if you ramble. That's what I'm here for. Amongst other things.

B) That's terrible, sweetheart. What did he say? Anything? I'm sure you did the best you could, it's all just ... really hard to swallow. Even you knew stuff, but you weren't prepared for -my- stuff, you know? Maybe he just needs some time to sort things out.

C) I'm not so good. But I've missed you too.

-L.

To: Leija
From: Thom
Date: Aug 17, 2007 04:20am
Subject: Re: Couldn't sleep

I didn't expect you to be awake! What's wrong?

Thom

To: Thom
From: Leija
Date: Aug 17, 2007 04:26am
Subject: Re: Couldn't sleep

Email's probably not the best place to talk about it. Are you callable? Or is your mom still asleep?

-L.

To: Leija
From: Thom
Date: Aug 17, 2007 04:30am
Subject: Re: Couldn't sleep

Call me, I'll pick it up before mom hears it.

Waiting by the phone.

Thom

Leija pushed the laptop off of her legs and picked up the phone she'd kept very nearly in her pocket ever since the silent call from Caleb's number the day before. It had thrown her into a panic, and after sobbing for a good couple of minutes, she'd paced the whole house a few times. She'd wanted to fly, but that meant leaving the phone, in case he called back. It had swung between giving her hope that he was still alive, and killing the rest of it. If he was able to talk, he would have, right?

In any case, now there was this. And she was nervous. She couldn't keep it from him, not now, and quite honestly? She wanted the support she knew he would give. But she wasn't stupid; there was the hitch of him already having reason not to like Caleb. And him having had a shit day already. And it just sucked all around. But she was stalling.

Leija dialed Thom's number and put the phone to her ear.

"What's wrong?" Thom asked, picking the phone up before it'd even rung once, his own problems pushed to the back in the light that everything was clearly not okay in the world of his girlfriend. he didn't even bother with a greeting - he knew who is was.

She let out a breath, a little surprised and not at the same time by this immediacy. That was just ... him. "Morning," she murmured, sitting back. Okay, out with it. If he's pissed at you, he's pissed and you'll deal, but you have to be honest. "Okay, well ... I know you probably don't like him because of the whole thing with your friend and Jamie, but I've gotten to be friends with Caleb." Ugh, could you sound any more third grade? "And now he's missing. For three days now, nobody can get a hold of him, nobody knows where he is. And last night ... last night I got a call from his phone but whoever it was hung up almost immediately, didn't say anything, and I'm really worried Thom, he's kind of unstable and wasn't at all happy the last time I talked to him, but he's never happy and I'm pretty sure he's probably dead, but --" She cut herself off there, squeezing her eyes shut. "Sorry," she murmured. "My turn to ramble, I guess."

Thom sat up a little more, his frown first appearing, then deepening, as she spoke. He recognised the name, of course. Never met the guy, but he knew who he was - the other guy to Isaac, which had automatically meant that Thom had written him off, as was his duty as best friend. Even if Isaac never spoke to him ever again. But then there was the rest of it, which meant that who the friend was really ceased to be important. "Sweet, why didn't you tell me before? I could have helped you look for him. Have you tried his family? The police? Have you rung the hospitals? The morgue?

Oh God that was a relief. She didn't know quite what she'd been worried about, as a reaction from him, but she knew that was a good one. "I didn't want to bother you with it, if it was nothing," she said a bit sheepishly. "Like just a hissy fit or him needing some space or something. It's just been way too long now. I looked everywhere I know to look for him. I went to his house. His brothers have already called the cops, and I'm assuming hospitals too, but they didn't know anything either. They said they'd call me if he turned up or they heard anything."

"Leija, if you're worried, it's not nothing," Thom admonished, gently. but he was proud of her that she'd basically done everything she could. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked her. "I can ask mom to make some calls to the police, if you want. Check that there's nothing they're not releasing," he offered, though he wasn't sure that was something his mom could officially do. He was sure she'd try if he asked her to though.

"Would you?" she asked, voice wavering a little. "I mean, if you get a chance, don't get her up or anything. I mean ... you'd think they'd tell his family at least. And who-whoever called?" She went silent for a second, biting her lip. Then, because they didn't like being denied in this sort of situation, she let the tears come. Again. God, she was a mess. "I just thought --. I know this is stupid, but ... I can't help people when they've still got time to be huh-helped, y'know? And he t-talked to me, and I th-thought I could maybe do s-s-something for him, and now I'm s-so scared it's too late, you know?"

Oh god, she was crying. Ohshitohshitohshit. "Leija, sweet - it'll be okay. I'll ask her to make the calls, pull whatever strings she can. I promise. And if we know anything, at all... Can I come over? You sound like you could do with me there."

"Yeah," she said without hesitating. Plaintively. Then it occurred to her that it was still dark out. And it was sitll possible that whatever happened to Caleb wasn't his own doing. "Don't walk," she added immediately. "Please. I'll give you money back for the cab or something, just ... don't walk." Paranoid? Why yes, thank you. She couldn't deal with Thom disappearing too.

He smiled into the phone. "I wasn't planning on walking," he assured her. "And don't worry about the money for the cab - I got it covered," he added with the confidence of a man who'd never had to worry about money in his life. "I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise." Yeah, he needed to talk to his mom about getting a car.

That was even more relief, and Leija's shoulders sagged a bit. She was exhausted. Sleep hadn't been coming to her very well the past couple of days. "Okay," she said softly. "Be careful. I'll be downstairs on the porch." I love you came right to the tip of her tongue before she caught it and frowned at herself. What the hell? She must be tired. And overly emotional and frazzled and desperate and all that. "Thank you sweetie, see you soon." Leija hung up and stared oddly at the phone receiver before she left her room and crept down the stairs to sit out and wait for him.

Thom hung up and dialled a cab, hoping that someone would be available at this time. Having spoken to the company, he realised that it was actually easier - there was nobody else wanting at this hour. They'd be five minutes, which sent Thom scrambling for clothes and then racing downstairs to the kitchen, where he left a note for his mother, telling her where he was going, a short summary on why and asking her to call the police to see if she could get anything more out of them, or do anything at all.

He was waiting outside in the dark when the cab arrived and from there it was only a short trip across town to Leija's and he paid the cabbie and got out, standing before he house.

She'd settled down on the porch steps and tried to blank out her mind as much as possible. It didn't work so well, and there was tear-blood smeared on her cheeks and hands and the plaid fabric of her pj pants when Thom arrived. She dropped her head until the cab pulled out, so as not to freak the guy out too bad, then stood and crossed the couple of steps to Thom. "Hey," she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hey," he say back, quietly, as he pulled her in to him, enveloping her in a hug. The blood didn't surprise him now, not know that he knew to expect it - he didn't like it, but it was part of her and he wouldn't like it even if she cried normal tears. Crying meant something was wrong and he'd never been good with there being anything wrong for anyone he cared about. "You should have called me," he told her, again quietly, after a few moments.

Leija was in total agreement with that now, because it felt so good and comforting already to be hugged. She knew it didn't help Caleb any, but ... there was support there. That was important. She turned her head to lightly kiss his cheek. "I know, I was just ... trying to talk myself into not freaking out and ... I know. Sorry."

He pulled back enough to be able to see her face in the darkness. "Don't be sorry - just don't do it again," he admonished, lightly. "You remember when we had that conversation about you being able to come to me with anything? That I'd always be there for you unless I really couldn't be? I didn't just mean angel-stuff." He paused for a moment, tilting his head to one side. "Did you think I'd be mad, because of who it was?" he asked her. Because she'd never mentioned this guy before, which made him think she'd been keeping her friendship with Caleb a secret from him, which Thom assumed was because of the Isaac situation. He just had to work out how he felt about that.

She looked at him, even though part of her wanted to not meet his eyes. It seemed silly now, that she hadn't ever mentioned 'oh hey, my friend Caleb, blah blah'. She'd just had no idea how he'd react to it, and everything was going so well, it was a risk she'd kind of avoided taking. Leija sucked her bottom lip and nodded a bit. "Or just ... in general. We've only hung out a couple of times, I didn't want you to think ... anything." She made a pained little face. She was new to all this, after all, she wasn't sure how boys worked with stuff like that. Aside from what movies told her. "I was going to tell you, it just hadn't come up yet," she said, hating how that sounded already. Ugh, god.

"...Anything?" Thom asked her, wondering at that. He had to admit, he felt disappointed that she'd been keeping things from him. But now wasn't the time for that. He was missing, she was worried - scared and upset and he wasn't going to make a thing of this. He'd deal and that would be that. "I don't think that. And I won't - I trust you. Now, tell me everything," he said, changing the subject and turning to walk them towards the porch. "I left a note for mom telling her where I am and asking her to make some calls. Which she will."

For her part, she was painfully happy to drop it. Because with the calm and rational tone in his voice, and the Thom-ness he brought to the entire situation, 'I was worried you'd be jealous and mad at me' sounded downright retarded, and she vowed not to say it. He trusted her, see? He said so. Leija walked with him and sat down on the porch again, keeping an arm around him. It would be easier to talk out there. Even just being close to his smell made her feel marginally better.

She took a breath and started talking -- unsteadily, at points -- starting with her calling Caleb a few nights ago to see if he wanted to hang out. Looking a little chagrined, she told Thom about how they went to explore the orphanage and talk, that Caleb was depressed for multiple reasons -- she left out the details of his family, feeling that was a bit personal, and just mentioned there were total parental issues -- and that she tried to give him some good advice.

Since she'd been told to tell him everything, she interjected over herself to tell him that Caleb had come to see her in the hospital while she was druggy, that he knew she was a valkyrie, and he accepted it. That he was into magic too, and then she was talking about the thing he'd done with the blood magic. Leija skipped over the bit about how Caleb touched her wings, and nearly killed himself getting the cross she was still wearing.

"So when he walked me home I made him come in so I could clean up his shoulder, 'cause god knows what kind of bacteria is in that place, you know?" she was saying eventually. "From the little bit I saw, he's covered in scars, Thom. And then he left and I haven't heard a thing from him since." She rubbed her temple a bit.

By the end of it, Thom was very definitely of the opinion that Caleb was unstable and it was probably best if he stayed away from Leija altogether. She didn't need someone like that in her life - she had enough crap to deal with. Nothing about what she'd just told him made Thom think that in any way would a guy like that bring anything good to her life.

But that went with the disappointment into the little box in Thom's head labelled 'things not to talk about right now'.

"I can see why you're so worried," he said, rubbing her arm with his hand and holding her close. His voice remained soft, calm, trying to be what he thought she needed right now, not letting how he felt about any of this get in the way.

It was -- as he apparently had a knack for -- the perfect thing to say. Leija let her head drop to his shoulder and let out a deep sigh. She just kept running over how much Caleb sometimes reminded her of herself. On her terrible, awful days when she didn't even want to open her eyes. He was more volatile, of course, but it was the deeper stuff behind it all that she could relate to. It made her want to help him so bad. Because maybe if she could help him, she could help herself.

"I dunno what else I can do right now," she said after a few minutes of silence. She shifted a bit to look at his profile. "And I'm sorry about all this, I know you had a bad enough day already. Want to talk about it?" Her hand sought his to squeeze lightly.

He squeezed her hand back. "Don't worry about my day, I'm sure it'll all sort itself out in the end." He had no idea how, since he still thought he'd majorly fucked up yesterday in a mostly irreparable way, but she didn't need to know that right now. He'd deal.

Leija considered pushing him on it, because from his email, it was a big deal, and he didn't sound at all sure that it would sort itself out. She looked at him for a moment, then leaned in to nuzzle his cheek again. "It'll be okay," she told him. Maybe told both of them. "You have to be tired ... come sleep with me?"

He smiled a little, turning his face into her hair. Maybe she was right. Maybe. It'd be nice if she was, but he wasn't so sure she could be. He closed his eyes for a moment and just breathed her in, taking strength from that, before he drew back. "Not promising I'm gonna be able to sleep, but sure," he told her.

She rubbed his back lightly where her hand had settled and gave him a slight nod. "I'd just feel better if you were with me," she said, totally honestly. "And I feel pretty ready to pass out at any second, so ... If you don't mind staying." Leija took his hand and stood up, lightly pulling him with her toward the door. Aside from getting a call that Caleb was perfectly fine, she wanted nothing more than to curl up with Thom and listen to him breathe.

He followed her in. "Sweet, I'm here for as long as you want me to be," he told her, keeping close to her. Mentally he added 'cellphone' to his list of things he needed. Which actually was something he could take care of himself. Maybe he'd go shopping this afternoon. But if he was going to be spending this much time out of the house, he should be contactable - especially now. He didn't want to be anywhere else but here, but what if someone needed him? What if Isaac called? If he did, Thom wanted, needed to take that call, but he wouldn't, couldn't leave Leija either. His mom, he knew, would call here - he'd left her Leija's number. If she knew anything, she'd call.

Smiling faintly, Leija didn't say anything else until they'd mounted the stairs and breezed by her father's bedroom door. He would be dead to the world and snoring, she knew, then leave in a few hours without waking her. Class was getting very close to being back in session and he always started early; she wasn't at all worried about him finding Thom in her bed. She'd been awake so many times to listen to him get ready and leave without cracking her door. She shut the door behind her and let out a little sigh, not bothering with lights. Leija got up on tiptoe to hug Thom again. "I'm so grateful for you," she murmured close to his ear. Sappy, probably, but she was feeling a tad bit overemotional. And she wanted him to know.

Yeah, I'm the great boyfriend who left you to die that time, remember? Thom thought, cynically, but he didn't bring it up - he never wanted to bring that up ever again. He wasn't proud of that, of what he'd done. Instead he held her close and kissed her cheek lightly, before resting against her, cheek to cheek, not saying a word, just being there.

That was the farthest thing from her mind, and it was probably a good thing he didn't bring it up. She stood like that for a minute before pulling back enough to move. She could cuddle with him horizontally, too. Leija crawled into bed and waited for him to come in and settle with her. She bit her tongue on an additional sure you don't mind? Because he obviously didn't, and that was what made him so awesome. One of the reasons anyway.

He was glad to go with her - focusing on her, on her problems made his own recede a little. He could pretend that everything with Isaac didn't matter so much, just by making her issues more important, by putting her first. He knew he was just putting off the inevitable - hell, he might be making things worse. but that was his choice - and there was no way he would leave her at the moment anyway, so it wasn't even much of a choice in the first place. He settled down by her side, pulling the covers up over them and encircling her in his arms as he laid his head back on the pillow. Hell, who knew - maybe he'd even manage to get some sleep.