Little Earthquakes

Who: Charlotte
When: Lunchtime
Where: the woods

When Charlotte left gym, she didn't go to the nurse. She went to her car. She felt as if the school was suffocating her, and she had to get far, far away. She drove north and finally ditched the car to walk out into the woods. She didn't care if it was cold, she didn't care if there was snow, she just wanted to be somewhere where she could feel right.

She walked a ways in and finally plunked down, tilting her head to the side to let her temple rest against a tree. For a long time she just sat there, not doing or thinking anything at all. And then, for some baffling reason, she started crying. It was soft, just silent tears streaming down her face.

She was too overwhelmed, emotionally. First she'd been so angry, and then Nate had made her feel so bad for feeling so angry. Guilty, like she should have tried harder. And on top of everything, she'd realized very suddenly on her walk to the car that she felt stupid. And that came from something Gabe had said.

Kavin didn't complain about it, but the way he talked to her... it hadn't been right. And Charlotte was only now starting to properly realize that. She'd told Nate the relationship had been unhealthy, and it was. She simply hadn't known better at the time. She'd thought the way things between them were normal for a couple their age... but the closer she got to Ransom, or the more other people knew about the failed relationship, the more Charlotte learned how wrong she had been. The way Kavin spoke had made her uncomfortable, and she'd constantly felt in over her head at worst or embarrassed at best. She was so stupid.

And then Nate made her feel bad. For once in her life, Charlotte wanted to be angry. Earth was stubborn and hard to move, and now that the fault line had been triggered... she didn't want to stop the little earthquakes she felt inside of her. She wanted to be angry and get it out of her system. Above all she just wanted to be normal, and most importantly: not make the same mistakes again.

Charlotte sniffled and brushed her tears on the back of her sleeve, before reaching down and pressing one hand against the ground. The earth was cold, but she dug her fingertips through anyway. She closed her eyes and took long, slow, deep breaths, and just tried to focus on centering herself with the earth.

Kavin wasn't a bad guy. She'd been furious earlier, but she was able to be furious and still not hate someone at the same time. She would always have a soft spot in her heart for him. But he hadn't been right for her. Maybe if she'd been a bit more adult, a bit more wise, she could have told him things about the relationship she didn't like and prevent problems, but it hadn't worked out that way. Now she could see that they were too different for each other. And when Charlotte had been with him, she'd always been worried or embarrassed.

With Ransom... Ransom didn't make her feel called out or put under a spotlight. He made her nervous and her heart race, but at the same time, she was very comfortable with him. She knew he could hear her heart and what he did to her, and Charlotte still stayed. He made her shy and fluttery like Kavin had. And when he did little things like touch her hand, she wanted him to do more.

But Nate had made it sound like she should try to work things out with Kavin, and that made no sense. It sounded like Kavin had already moved on to a new girl. Were they both doing the wrong thing? Was Charlotte wimping out, or had it been something unhealthy to stay away from?

Her hand dug deeper into the cold earth, and she turned enough to rest her forehead against the bark of the tree. "This is too hard." she murmured, sniffling again. "I'm not smart enough for this. I don't know what to do. I'm still so angry! And scared!" She started crying a bit harder, and moved away from the tree to put both hands in the earth, little earthquakes erupting inside of her. Charlotte closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath. When she opened her eyes, her cries stopped in surprise of what she was seeing. A single pink daisy was growing out of the snow and blooming. Charlotte could feel a connection to it. She knew how deep its roots went, and she could feel its life feeding off of her. Seeing this gave Charlotte the oddest feeling.

It gave her hope.