matters of importance

who: Leija and Caleb
where: MGH Psych Ward
when: afternoon

Leija had hurried home after school. Not that she stayed long. Just enough to change her shirt and call a cab and load everything into it to head to Marquette General. She'd missed seeing Caleb the day before because of the dinner thing, and she'd felt bad that she had no way to call him to let him know she wouldn't be there. But she planned to make up for it this afternoon. She had books and lesson plans given to her by the teachers and candy bars. All of which had to be checked through when she got to the psych ward. They checked her in and gave her back her armload of stuff and let her go find him on her own. Holding the books to her chest almost like a shield, Leija went to the door he'd been behind the last time and knocked softly. Even though it was cracked already.

Caleb glanced over, hearing the very faint knock, and he set his drawing aside, sitting up farther with his pillow between him and the headboard. Watching the door, he wondered if it was another inmate here, a nurse, or one of his brothers. Deeper down he kind of hoped it was Peyton or Leija, but he wasn't really letting himself think that way. He didn't want to be disappointed. "Yeah?" he called when it became clear whoever was out there wasn't going to barge in. That scratched nurses off the list.

Well okay, she'd remembered right. Not that she thought she hadn't, she just ... felt it necessary to knock, for some reason. Leija was sure that he had next to no privacy here, so maybe she should give him what she could. She pushed the door open with her arm and peered in. "It's me," she said, unnecessarily, and smiled at him a bit.

He smiled when he saw her. So she was back. That made him happy, and a tiny bit relieved, though he wouldn't admit that nor examine it too closely. "Hey." he said. "I see you're back." And I kinda thought you might not be. "With...books." he noted. "That my school work?" You remembered?

She felt a little tug of guilt for the way she'd had to exit the last time. So abruptly. But that came with the territory. Leija came more fully into the room, moving to put the pile of schoolbooks down on the bed with him. "Yup, that's them," she said with a nod. "Except your geometry teacher told me to come back later for any sort of summary of what they'll be doing in the first couple weeks, so no math for you." She wrinkled her nose up at him a bit and then reached into her bag to draw out a small paper bag to set down next to his leg. "I didn't know what you liked, so I just got a bunch of them."

He arched a brow at her, then looked down at the bag, taking it and looking inside. A grin flashed over his features. "You're a saint." he informed her, reaching inside immediately to take one out, and unwrap it in a clumsy sort of way. Dexterity wasn't his strong suit with the casted wrist. But he got it without too much issue, then took a bite, making an appreciative sound as he leaned back on his pillow again. "A goddess, even." he amended, looking at her again.

"I know, I know," she said with her nose up in the air and a put-upon sigh. "You can go about worshiping me any time now." She sat down in the chair nearby with a graceful flop, and propped her sneakers up on the side of his bed. Then grinned at him. Maybe -- just maybe -- they could have a bit of time without emotional suckerpunches. Hopefully, this time.

He was smirking at her at that, watching the way she flopped over, and put her feet up on his bed. "I'll get right on that. How would you like to be worshipped? Are you a merciful goddess, or a wrathful one?" he asked. He knew they probably actually had important things to discuss--hell he wanted to ask her about how she was after having to take off for a death the other day, and there was the bit in the back of his mind that kept remembering that she'd kissed his cheek before she left, and oh yeah--the question he had preying on his mind. About what he'd done. But god, for right now? He was avoiding the shit out of all of it.

He sure as hell wasn't the only one. Leija wanted to ask how he really was, wanted to see if he would talk about it, wanted to go and pet his hair -- which she should decidedly not do. But he was smirking at her, and she'd ruin the whole thing if she did any of those things just then. So. Silliness. "Oh definitely a wrathful one," she answered with a sage nod. "You can't get anywhere being merciful these days. Your worshipers will just walk all over you. You have to bring down fire and flood until they figure out what you want. So see, I can't exactly tell what to do, you've gotta just try things." She tsked and made a face that clearly said 'sorry 'bout your luck.

"Wrathful...that's what I figured." Caleb said. At least, that's what fit in with some of the mental imagery he had of the girl. Like a dream he had...which he wasn't thinking about. "I'll start trying to figure it out then." he added. "But with...perks like yours..." he said, referencing her wings. "There'd be no way in hell you could be a merciful goddess. Wouldn't go well. So you've got no choice but to be kickass and vengeful. Able to smite down anyone in your way any time you want." he continued. "As a wrathful goddess, I'm sure you know the rule of whim."

Leija looked terribly amused and arched an eyebrow at him. Sure, she could picture herself draped in some Greek-looking toga, all tied down to fit her form with ribbons ... no, leather straps. Yes, definitely leather straps. But anyway, in a toga and lounging around looking pouty and bored until someone pissed her off. Then, oh yes, then came the dramatic wing-flourishing to demonstrate her holy anger. "The rule of whim?" she echoed. "As in everyone has to suit my whims or suffer the consequences?"

"As in you want what you want when you want it, without prior warning, and everyone else has to react accordingly." Caleb said. "Merciful deities have more of a set pattern. Wrathful ones are the ones who just fly off the handle whenever they aren't catered to, even if they haven't even expressed what they want." He finished off the candy bar, and eyed her with an amused expression. "Historically speaking, they're more fun."

"Well duh," she said and laughed. Then leaned forward to hook a couple of finger into the little sack of chocolatey goodness and pick one out for herself. She'd bought them, after all, and she was a wrathful goddess who currently wanted chocolate. Which, were it not a terribly bad idea, he should probably be feeding to her. Leija didn't linger on that particular thought, and opened her Milky Way. "Do I strike you as capricious and demanding?" she asked, looking amused back at him.

He watched her helping herself, and shifted on the bed, half propping his head up on one hand as he laid out on his side instead of sitting up. He made a show of looking her over assessingly. "I think you easily could be." he said. "All you'd have to do is start being a little demanding, and you'd find out fast that people scramble to do your bidding." he answered.

"Think so, huh?" she asked, munching on her candy bar. She slouched down a bit lower in the chair to lean her head on the back of it and look at him. He looked comfy, even though he still had to be in pain. "Maybe I'll try it out. I dunno about scrambling, though." Then something seemed to occur to her and her smile faded a little. "Hey, I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday," she said. "I wanted to come, but I had some ... family stuff to do."

He watched her light dim a tiny bit, as he watched her eyes. "It's okay." he said. "It's not like you're contractually obligated to see me every day." he pointed out. And yeah, he'd missed her, but she didn't need to know that. It really screamed of how much he appreciated getting visitors in the first place, especially ones who didn't have the 'he's family' obligation hanging over their heads. But yeah. She didn't need to know any of that, and it kind of gave him a pang to think of her thinking she had to come see him instead of her wanting to.

"Oh I know," she said. And gave him a small Look for good measure. "I wanted to." She knew she'd repeated herself, but it felt like she should say it. Because she did want to. Very much. And not just because she'd wanted to get out of having dinner with Thom's mother. It had turned out not so bad, but still nerve-wracking. "Oh! I met Peyton. At school," she added, and just maybe gave him a closer glance to judge his reaction.

"Yeah?" Caleb asked. "How's she? She didn't come by either." he added. Though that was purely so he could make a pouty face at her. "No girls coming to visit me just distracted older brothers." he added. "Woe." he deadpanned. "And no, I don't mean that, I'm fine. Like I said, no one has to come visit. This place is fucking depressing in the first place, and with her, she never even met me before I was in the ICU. It's not like she's really got call to go visiting a self destructing guy she doesn't know." Why're you here again?

She had the immediate thought at the mention of older brothers as to whether or not Mathias had told Caleb that she'd got all blushy seeing him without a shirt. Not that it really mattered, it was just a bit embarrassing. But she definitely didn't ask. "Oh shut up, you came to visit me in the hospital, you're my friend, so I'm gonna be here as much as I can," she said, quite mildly, as though that were a fact he could just hurry up and accept. "Maybe she likes you," she suggested and took another bite of Milky Way with a raised eyebrow. Leija kind of wished she hadn't, because she suddenly had a bit of that Urg feeling again.

"Yeah, but you were far more entertaining. You rambled." Caleb said. Which was true, though the entertaining part wasn't, and that was clear in his tone. He was teasing, at least a bit. Really, when she'd been in there he'd been stupidly worried about her, and he still heard echoes of her voice, tiny and frightened telling him she was afraid to die. Yeah. That particular bit of information still haunted him. "And I doubt it. I think she's just..." he paused, trying to think of the wording. "I think she's the type who likes to follow up on charity cases. Genuinely nice, wants to make the world a better place, that shit. I think she just kinda...caught me when I was vulnerable." He made a face at the concept.

Leija chewed slowly and tried to deal with the other feelings of Urg. She didn't like the idea of some other chick being around Caleb when he was vulnerable, even though she was nice. And he wasn't her's. Like, at all, so she should nip that in the bud right quick. "She seemed nice," she said, and it was a touch quieter. Even though Peyton had been all smiley when she'd asked how he was, like he wasn't in the hospital for trying to kill himself. Maybe he'd just broken his leg or some shit. So maybe he was right, and she was a Florence Nightengale or something. Urg. Her mind backtracked to what he'd said first, which just reminded her all over again of what she'd been mulling over on and off for the past day or so. What he was, that he begged out of telling her at the orphanage. Not yet, he'd said. Please.

He watched her, the way the mood in the room was shifting a nearly physical sensation. He shifted again, laying on his back, one arm behind his head to prop it up, and he kept his eyes on her. So, when he spoke again, with the alteration of the air in the room...he didn't even bother keeping up with the subject they were currently discussing. "Are you okay? After you had to leave the other day...was everything alright for you?" he asked. His voice had gotten just a touch quieter than normal, and he watched her expression.

Her eyes ticked off to one side as she finished off her candy bar. She started to fold up the wrapper, over and over into a neat tiny little rectangle. "It was a car accident," she said. "Somewhere in Oregon. Just an older man, he hit a tree. I'm fine." And how the two statements were connected to one another was something she always had difficulty explaining.

He was quiet for a moment, watching her to see if he could tell if she were lying or not. "Would you tell me if you weren't?" he asked finally, wondering if she realized she was throwing her concentration onto the candy wrapper as opposed to looking at him. And if she normally would have just thrown it away, instead of meticulously folding it in on itself.

Leija had to consider for a handful of seconds whether or not she would. Not that she'd done a great job of hiding things from him so far anyway. Perceptive jerk. "If it was really bad, I'd tell you," she answered, going for a middle ground he probably wouldn't like. "It's never good, or happy fun times, and there aren't ever any that I don't feel something for. But ... this one in particular was on the ... easier spectrum of things, I guess you could say." She toyed with the wrapper square, only glancing up at him. "Anyway, I can go at least one visit without crying at you." Since he'd wanted to send her away for it the last time. Kinda-sorta.

"I'd rather know." he said. "If you were okay or not. I don't really like the idea of you just...pretending." he finished. He didn't like to see her hurt, but he'd rather the naked truth of the matter to a pretty, neat lie. "Not to mention you're not very good at it." Or maybe she was, and he just saw through it, he wasn't sure. He never really got to see her much with other people around. And he preferred it that way.

She chuckled softly. "Yeah, you kinda ... make that hard," she said. Then made herself actually throw the wrapper away, with a lean in the right direction. Leija looked at him again then. "I don't pretend with you. Promise. I can't. So I'm okay," she said, and gave him a faint smile that didn't look terribly forced. "And I would ask if you're okay, but that's kind of a stupid question."

Caleb thought about that. "I dunno if it is or not." he said thoughtfully. "I can be better one day than I am another, even if I'm stuck here. Last night....kinda sucked." he admitted. Today hadn't helped either. "I want to ask you something." he said, eyes heavy on hers. He knew it was going to suck as far as questions went, and he wasn't even sure if he was going to be able to come up with it even if she said 'okay'. But he wanted to know. That blank spot. The wall. It was still bothering him, and he just saw more of it that morning, with group, and other shit. And really, he didn't know who else to ask.

Leija tucked away 'last night sucked' for later to ask about. Because he said he wanted to ask her something and even though that made her heart pick up a bit -- which she was steadfastly ignoring along with the way her hands went kinda clammy all of the sudden -- she wasn't going to stop him in any way, shape, or form. She looked back at him steadily. There was depth to his eyes, they weren't just flat brown. Which was for some reason worth noticing. "Okay, go ahead. Anything, always," she said, leaning forward on her knees and lacing her fingers together.

He was quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out how to word it, and he even glanced back at the door. He tossed a pillow over at the way it was still cracked to knock it as shut as it was going to get, even if it wasn't fully closed. Then he turned his attention back on her. Licking his lips, he glanced away for another few heartbeats, then ticked his gaze back to her. "What did it mean to you that I...did this?" he asked. He wished that he'd said it a bit less vaguely than that, but he tripped up on the words.

She glanced back at the door herself after he launched a pillow at it, and was tempted to go close it all the way. She just didn't know if she was allowed to, and she most certainly didn't want to get escorted out or anything. Leija looked at him again, a small line between her eyebrows. "What does it mean like ... for me you mean? Or what do I think it means for you?" She wanted to answer the right question, after all.

"For you." he clarified, thinking that he'd actually meant it how he'd said it in the first place, though he couldn't say that and didn't even know properly what the difference was if there was one. "Forget about me for a minute, just...for you." he knew he wasn't explaining himself very well, and he settled back to watch her more. "Please." he added.

It was very difficult to forget about him for a minute, but Leija tried. It was a very serious question, and she wanted to give it the proper thought. She looked down at her cuticles as she picked at one a little. "Well ... I mean, you ... disappeared right after our -- the night at the orphanage. I mean, from my perception, I dunno what happened in between then and when I knew you were missing." Aside from the fact that he'd talked to Dorian about her being a valkyrie, but wow, witness the avoidance there. "When I was looking, I kind of ... knew that something had happened to you, you were in some kind of mortal danger. Which made me kind of panicky? Really scared. And then when I found out what really had happened ... I dunno. I worried that I had somehow made something worse on you. Which is probably silly, but," she chuckled sheepishly and glanced at him. "I felt like I could've helped you more, and I failed at it. I mean, would've failed completely, if you had actually been able to do it. So. Very relieved you were alive, sad for you, that it was this bad. Um ... guilty, kind of. And I don't ... know if I'm actually ... answering your question. I've got no conclusions so far, only a bunch of jumbled feelings." She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him, looking kind of worried.

He listened, a light frown on his features as she started in. He hadn't really thought about that. That he'd disappeared after they'd hung out. Well, maybe when she mentioned it before, but it was still hard to draw the connection because for him, it hadn't really had anything to do with it. It wasn't her. Or not in the way she thought it was. "It wasn't anything you did. And..." he paused, trying to figure out how to word things. "I know it's probably bullshit of me to say it, but don't worry that it is?" he suggested. "I'm...I know I keep saying it but I'm fucked up. And it's not going to be that that pushes me over the edge. There are so many factors that play in, one after another, that they all jumble together, and then it's everything. Not just one thing, or one person. When it happened..." he frowned, and looked somewhere off over her shoulder. "I was talking to my brother, and just...everything crashed down. Everything bottomed out all at once." And when it did that, I just didn't want to be here to deal with it anymore.

Leija desperately wanted to ask what he'd been talking to his brother about. It was just another bit of the puzzle. Dorian said he'd been asking about valkyries. About her. It didn't escape her that he'd just said it wasn't anything she did. That didn't mean it wasn't what she was. You didn't tell me you were an angel, he'd said while he was cracked out on morphine, with those sad eyes at her. The possible implications of what it could all maybe mean made her feel vaguely ill. She didn't say anything, just watched his face and listened.

He let the silence stretch out a little while. He wasn't sure what else to say, how to word things, where to go from there. "I try thinking about it. And intellectually, objectively, I can look at it and I know that I did it. That I made the decision to even. But when I try thinking...I don't know. I can't? Like it's not there? Even if it is." Caleb sighed, and scrubbed his good hand over his face. "I'm not making sense." he assessed.

That was actually ... kind of relieving, in a way. At least it didn't sound like he was actively wanting to do it anymore. Leija leaned forward and crossed her arms on the edge of the bed, then put her chin down on them. "No, it makes sense," she said quietly, looking up at him. "It's kind of ... unbelievably huge. I can see how you'd have trouble ... processing it, I guess. Really latching on to the fact that it happened, in an emotional way." Not that she had any ideas on how to help that.

He turned his head to look at her, something in him liking that she was closer to him. "I don't know. I didn't...figure anyone would be that upset. Or if they were, they'd get over it. Or something. I don't know. And I keep trying to dig deeper into it, and haven't been able to do it. I keep getting asked these questions that I know I should be able to answer really easily, but they're not there. So I just kind of wanted to see how it was. For you, or how you felt about it, what it looks like from where you stand."

She looked at him for a moment or two, not sure how to respond to that really. Because just telling him that people would be upset and they'd miss him and wouldn't get over it seemed ... wrong. Too paltry. His problem ran far deeper than words were going to fix. Instead she reached one hand out to take the fingers poking out of his cast in her's. She gave him a small lip-twist that was something like a smile and hoped he'd get the unspoken feeling of support she tried to radiate at him. All that 'I know it'll be hard, but you can do it' bullshit didn't feel right to say at the moment.

He watched her eyes, and felt the warmth of her hand on his fingertips. She was so quiet. He wondered if this was hard on her now, even, or what was going on in her head. What was skating through, what was standing out to her. "Talk to me." he said quietly. Because she hadn't said anything, and he kind of needed to hear her voice. Even if she utterly changed the subject, and started talking about school, or her boyfriend, or any other bullshit topic she wanted. Just so long as he wasn't left with that total silence.

Unaware that she had that much topic breathing-room, Leija considered what she should say. Her mind kept swinging back around to her shadow on the wall, what he'd tried to give to her, but was ... upset? Scared? Something ... to be confronted with. She sort of understood why, it wasn't as though a lot of people wouldn't be freaked out by it. "It means a lot to me that you tried to say goodbye," she said softly, still looking at him. Without thinking about it, she toyed with his fingers, learning the curves and creases with her's. It wasn't a lot of talking to him, sure, but it was something meaningful out of her mouth.

He listened, and was aware of what she was doing, and didn't make any sort of move to stop her. "Would you really have missed me all that much?" he asked. "And...I know that sounds like a bullshit question. And the thing you say to someone in my position is 'yes of course' or whatever, but...really. Would you have?" He kind of gave her a weak half smile. "We were just starting to get to know each other."

Leija's lips quirked into a little smile back. His looked so tired. Which was understandable. "Yeah, I would have," she said. "I mean, I know we can't write a book about each other yet or anything, but ... I don't really let people in much. And you're there. Kind of by accident, but you are. So ... yeah, even with ... you'd leave a hole behind."

That was wording that struck him. He'd leave a hole behind? An empty place. Huh. He'd remember that. It made him smile after a few moments. "I could write a book about you. Leija, the kickass angel with whom not to fuck." he said. "Because in my head you're kick ass, and would lay out anything coming at you." he explained. It reminded him of a dream he had about her. Or more, she was there, but no one else was. That included him. He made no appearance in that dream.

She chuckled softly, eyes ticking to their hands touching. Or rather, her touching his. Which she should probably stop, she realized. "It'd be fiction," she demured. Then fell quiet again for another stretch of minutes. Maybe instead of giving herself ulcers about it, she should just ask him. Her breadth of knowledge only ran so far, there was only so many possibilities she knew of and honestly? Most of them had been discarded. "Caleb ... I have something to ask you. But I want to make sure you know first that it's okay if you don't answer." She looked back up at him.

He paused, and eyed her for a long moment. He didn't like the sound of that. People only said things like that when they had incredibly shitty things to ask. Difficult shit, that you didn't want to answer. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, and looked down at her. "...if we're going to have a conversation that starts out like that...can we do it outside? I'll feel less..." he glanced towards the door, then back to her. "...spied on."

Well at least that wasn't immediate panicking. She'd spotted the courtyard on her way here through the ward, so she knew what he meant by outside. Leija nodded and sat up, taking her hand back. She stood up and moved away from the bed some to give him room, waiting and trying not to fidget. What if he didn't tell her? What if he did and it was something horrifying?

He got up, and grabbed his crutch so he didn't kill his ankle on the way, then headed for the door. He leaned on it, holding it open for her and he watched the way she moved, like he was looking for some sign what this might be about. He didn't think he'd find it though. And from the way she'd said things...he felt a little sick to his stomach. Like whatever was going to happen, was going to be bad.

She was talented at looking normal, even just for the benefit of the nurses and stuff. The only real sign was in the small line between her eyebrows, but that could be construed by other people as any kind of concern. She slipped out the door and walked with him toward the courtyard, wondering if this was a terrible, awful, no good idea. Maybe she should flail to come up with some other question.

When they got there, Caleb noticed that Ruby was out there, dancing around in the light rain that was falling from overhead. He didn't particularly care that it was raining, it just...felt better being out there than inside, no matter what it was like. "Hey...Ruby. I need a few with my friend here, cool?" he asked.

She looked over, then ran over to smile at him in what might once have been a sultry manner, but she seemed a bit too drugged up for it to have any real impact. "If I do, will you talk to me later? We could play a game." she said.

Caleb gave her a light sort of smile, and leaned back from her just a little. "Sure." he promised--though he didn't have any actual intention of following through on that. She'd probably forget anyways. The girl squeaked happily, then dashed off inside.

Leija twitched internally at that little exchange, but kept her thumb on it. Because: a.) gross. And b.) she knew what that smile intended to be. And while that most certainly shouldn't bother her, it did. "Making friends, I see," she murmured wryly to Caleb once the door was closed again.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, great friend. Remind me to tell you about her diagnosis, and how I'm supposed to report it every time she propositions me." he said, leaning back against the wall, and reaching his hand out past the overhang to let the rain fall on it. Then he paused, and looked over at her quizically. With that tone, it even kind of took him out of his 'oh fuck' mode of thinking. "What exactly am I hearing in your voice there?" he asked. There was the faint ghost of a smirk on his face.

Augh, the word 'propositions' didn't make her feel any better. Like, at all. Leija leaned up against the wall next to him and crossed her arms loosely over her chest in a subconscious gesture. "Maybe a bit of protectiveness that I don't want insane crackwhores running around trying to give you diseases?" she suggested, sounding annoyed. Mostly with herself.

He laughed a touch, shaking his head. "Well, thanks, but don't worry about it. Really not into crackwhores as a general rule." he assured her. "She's harmless. Just...friendly." If one counted being a sexual addict friendly. Or whatever was wrong with Ruby. "But okay, good to know. You're protective. Check." he hopped out a little farther, to let the rain fall on the top of his head a touch. "Thanks." he added, since he found it cute. His tone definitely conveyed that as well, along with the amused half smile he directed at her.

Leija shot him a deathglare that faded after a couple of milliseconds. Yeah, really couldn't keep that up with him smirking at her that way. "Just remember who your goddess is, and my whims say I don't like her," she said, and almost instantly regretted the phrasing, even though it was flippantly said.. Dammit. She needed not to do that, he wasn't her's. She had someone else. And she'd been completely thrown off track with asking him about what he was. Stupid crazy whore bitch. Sigh.

He grinned even wider at her when her glare didn't last. "Not very effective in the wrath department if you can't even keep up a good Look at me." he teased. Yep. Damn amused. "But okay, I promise, I'll remember." he said. He actually wanted to get into the whole goddess thing, tease her about it some more, but he definitely remembered that there were things going on that he shouldn't put off forever. Or very long, or whatever. She had things to ask that he wasn't going to like. So, he might as well deal with it. Or that was what he was telling himself, anyhow. He kind of wanted to tug her closer, but there wasn't any real reason she should stand in the rain with him. That was him taking a tiny bit of solice in being outdoors. His eyes settled on her, and he waited.

He got all expectant-looking and she realized that she was doing her own bit of stalling. Leija shifted, uncrossing her arms and tucking her hands behind her butt, palms against the brick of the building. She let one finger move into the little valley made by the mortar and scratch at it lightly. Her gaze stayed on his and she really hoped that this wouldn't ruin his entire fucking day. She seemed to be good at that. And her brain was fixated enough that she hadn't been able to conjure another question. Not to mention being distracted by slut-girl. "I wanted to ask you if you were ready to tell me yet," she said, putting it in as non-threatening a way as she could manage. "What you didn't want to tell me at the orphanage. About you."

His smile died a miserable death, quick and he looked down at the ground. There were little air vents, probably there to heat it enough in the winter that they didn't have to shovel. Something like that. He reached up, dragging his fingers through his damp hair now, and he looked back at her for a long moment. He moved back under the overhang, and tried to figure out what to say. He knew what she was talking about. It was something he'd been dreading for a long time. Her asking again, considering he hadn't told her, and he was just hoping she'd never bring it up again. He leaned one shoulder against the building, feeling pinpoints of pain from his skin, where stitches lined his flesh, and he focused on that for a few moments.

"How important is it to you?" he asked, voice quiet. He watched her eyes though, watched for any flickers in her expression, anything that could tell him what he needed to know.

Her heart had started to beat hard in her throat while she watched him try to come up with an answer. She went over what she had in her head in the meantime. He could do blood magic, which made him look like he fell in a giant blender, but was probably quite powerful. He had some issue with her being angelic. He wasn't dead or undead that she could tell, he bled just like everybody else. She was pretty sure he wasn't any kind of lycanthrope. Not that she knew much about them. He definitely wasn't an angel. He found her wings enthralling for some reason. There was the undertone to what Mathias had said to her ... She looked kind of worried at him and bit her lip briefly. "Not direly important," she said quietly back. "I mean, of course I'm very ... curious. I want to know about you. But ... if you're not comfortable trusting me with it, it's okay. You wouldn't know yet if it had been up to me rationally to tell you. Just ... you wouldn't ever ... hurt me, would you Caleb?" Her eyes were open and vulnerable.

That he had an answer for. Maybe not the one she wanted to hear? But an answer. He held her gaze, not letting it waver at all as he spoke, voice quiet. "Never intentionally." he said. He knew it wasn't the solid 'No, never!' that most people would have answered, and maybe he should have too, but he wasn't really the kind of person that wanted to say something he couldn't back up. Like he wasn't going to pat her on the back and tell her everything was going to be okay, because well. Chances were that was complete bullshit. And Leija...meant something to him. What, he didn't have any real idea about, he couldn't have said. But she was important in some fashion. At the very least a friend, and oh look, he was pulling up short on those lately. So, he wouldn't do it. Wouldn't just...tell her what she probably wanted to hear.

She definitely would've preferred a 'not on my life' sort of answer, but she appreciated that he was being honest and not placating her. And that response was actually something of a relief. From what she understood, it ruled out 'demon'. He didn't mean her harm, and that didn't really mesh if she was supposed to be his enemy. She didn't think, at least. She hoped not. Leija nodded slightly, still holding his eyes. "Me either. I want you to know that," she said, voice very quiet. I'm no threat to you. Or your brothers. And I stupidly just now caught on to what Mathias probably really meant.

He kept watching her, like he was memorizing details, and well, he probably was. He wondered in the back of his mind if this was going to be the last time he saw her. If after getting some answers from him, she'd leave, and decide he wasn't really worth the trouble. Couple that with the fact that he didn't really believe he was...and there were issues rising up. Fuck. He didn't quite know what to say, but one thing did sort of rise up to the surface of his mind. "Leija," he started, and he wanted to walk over to her, but didn't. He stayed where he was, because it was best that way. Possibly for the both of them. "If there was ever anyone in your life who was likely to hurt you...even if it wasn't on purpose, it would probably be me." Really, he was kind of built for it. It was just the way things happened with him, and with the way things really were...her being an angel, and him being a half demon. Just that alone should have set a standard that was bound to fuck everything up at some point. Where things would happen, and badness would ensue, and he'd fuck something up resulting in her getting hurt, one way or another. If I told you the truth it would change things. Everything would be different, and I don't know if you could keep that promise you just made. I don't want to put you in the position where you have to find out. There was a small part of him that wanted to though. It would be over then. She would know, and he would know if it meant she was going to have to take him down, and there wouldn't be some stupid Thing between them. Hell. Caleb wasn't even positive he had come to terms with her being an angel. He still had some...fascination with it. He didn't know if it was her, his self destructive tendencies operating on a deeper level than he could imagine, or something else.

Leija stared at him. She felt like she was looking too hard, that maybe she should blink or something. Because the background of the rain and the courtyard behind him seemed to pull back from him, farther into the distance, like a camera effect. She wasn't sure what he meant. On what level, at least. There was the whole issue of him having tried to kill himself, that was painful. In deep, deep ways that she hadn't even really begun to deal with yet. She hadn't even begun to question why she was attached enough to him to make it hurt that badly. There was his recklessness in general, there was the way he'd grabbed her arm that one time, like he wasn't even aware he'd done it until she brought attention to it. He also felt ... dangerous, sometimes. Not necessarily to her. Maybe for her was a better way to put it; like when he was touching her wings. But even as she listed those things off to herself, she found the point: she didn't care. Leija had no idea how to tell him that without sounding insane, but she had to say it somehow. She pushed off of the wall and took a couple of steps toward him, eyes still on his. "That may be true," she said quietly. "But it doesn't scare me."

He didn't know what he expected her to say, but it hadn't been that. Now, he wouldn't have been able to fathom what he expected if he'd had a gun to his head, but yeah. For whatever reason, that really wasn't it. Caleb was watching her the whole time, the way there were the tiniest variations in her expression. He could only imagine she was going through everything, arriving at a decision. When she got closer to him, he found it a little difficult for him to stay put. To not sort of reach out for her, but he managed. Why the fuck was he doing that? He kept wanting to be close to her, and he knew just how fucked up that was. How amazingly Not Good. "You sure?" he asked, voice light. "I know...you want to help me. And you want to be there, and not fuck me over like everyone else has. I know you're a better person than that. But...Leija, I really can't make you any promises, even if I wish I could." Because he did. He really did wish he could tell her what she wanted to hear and mean it. He was just far too much of a realist.

She still had her hands behind her back, the fingers laced together, and it was probably good she did. Because he wasn't the only one resisting reaching-for impulses. But that was out of bounds and downright no good. Right now, at least, with the way she sort of wanted to hold on to him. Leija continued to look steadily into his eyes. There was an intensity to them, with the line of his eyebrows and the muscles that surrounded it all. Most people their age didn't have that. Most people, period. Even if his view of things was warped, Caleb's eyes were open. "I'm sure," she confirmed, her own voice still soft and serious. "I don't want any promises from you anyway. I appreciate your honesty, but it's not going to scare me off." She didn't know if that was what he was really trying to do or not, but she most definitely didn't feel scared off.

Caleb listened to that, and wasn't sure if he was relieved that she was completely blowing off any warning, or if he was worried about what that might mean. Maybe it didn't mean anything, and she just was aware of the risks and didn't mind taking them. He wasn't at all sure, it was all feeling alien to him. His mind drifted back a touch. Trying to figure out if she still wanted to know what he was, or if she was going to let it go for now again. Part of him still wanted to tell her so it could stop being that huge secret. But then again...if he did, Mathias might kill him. Dorian probably not, because he'd encouraged him to tell her in the first place. He'd just...never told anyone before. Hell, he hadn't even told Jamie. Hadn't really intended to--at least not for a long time. After a long time, he realized he hadn't said anything, he'd just been looking into her eyes the whole time. So he ticked his gaze away and shifted a bit. "You don't care about what I said? That I'm even likely to hurt you?" he asked. "You're going to stick around anyways?" He paused, because that's what she'd said, so he didn't really need the confirmation. "Why?"

He broke eye contact first, and it made her blink finally. She frowned faintly at his phrasing. "It's not that I don't care. Of course I care, I just ... it doesn't change anything," she said, still looking at his face. "And you just said you're more likely to than anyone else in my life, which doesn't mean that I think you're going to whip out a knife in the next ten seconds and filet me. And in ... other ways ... " You already have. You've gotten under my skin more than anyone else ever and for some reason I'm letting you stay there, even though you tried to commit suicide. "I don't run from stuff like that. Not when you're already close. And maybe that's stupid, but that's me. I've told you before, I don't hang around you just for the good things you could give me, I don't use people like that. You're a package, just like I am. I mean ... if you don't ... want me around, that's different, but ..." she trailed off and shrugged a shoulder, sounding only a little unsure. Something -- namely the way he'd been drawing her -- told her that wasn't the case.

Eyes ticking back to her immediately, he frowned. "That's not it." he said, immediately and firmly. Not want her around? Yeah. Right. He didn't wait for her to show up or anything. She didn't show up on the pages of his sketch books, or in his dreams. And alright, maybe he wasn't actually in the dreams that she was in, but still. She was there. "I want you around." he clarified. "Things are just...complicated." Wow, wasn't that putting it stupidly mildly. A gross generalization that barely even scratched the surface.

"Yeah, no shit," she said softly before she could really stop herself. Wasn't that just the very definition of her life? Complicated. She couldn't even make friends without there being huge gaping wounds and pitfalls right and left. Maybe she'd even find normal life horribly boring. At least he wasn't sick of her yet, that was something. Leija let her hands come apart and back to her sides, taking the couple more small steps that brought her out from under the awning. She stood next to him in the rain and turned her face up to it, eyes closing. Good, cleansing, completely objective rain. "Complicated isn't impossible," she murmured, mostly to herself. And the rain.

He watched her, and had a massively inappropriate side thought that she looked very compelling there. Compelling like, this was the part in stupid movies where things like kissing happened. He bet she tasted good. Oh jesus fucking christ, stop it. Let's go over the facts again. She's currently the definition of your best friend, because no one else that was a friend before has even contacted you, your girlfriend's buggered the fuck off, and the only other non-relation to see you is a girl you barely know. Oh yes, and by the way, she's got a boyfriend. A boyfriend who left her the once, and you wanted to punch him, but as far as can be told, is probably a decent guy who can take care of her. Maybe. Whatever doesn't matter---TAKEN. And righto, moving on, let's not bypass that part where she's a fucking angel, and you're a half demon. None of these things add up to anything that would ever satisfy curiosity on what she tastes like. So knock it the fuck off. He told himself firmly, reminding himself again that he was a fucking idiot. Yes, yes he was. Okay. Great. Now that that was covered. He tried to get his head back into the conversation. Complicated isn't impossible. Sure it wasn't. Most of the time it was just full of pain, horror and maiming. "Not impossible." he agreed anyhow, because well. It was still true. Just with all that other stuff. "So you're sticking with me regardless then? Contrary to all warnings and flaming neon signs that tell you you should stay away from me?" he asked. There was the faintest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth as he watched her.

Utterly oblivious to how kissable or not she looked, Leija's head turned and she opened one eye at him. She was silent for a beat, then had to smirk a little despite the weight of the conversation. "See now, for some reason, you've got me wondering whether or not a neon sign on fire would explode and thus be rendered useless," she said. "But. Not the point. Yes, I'm sticking with you." She let the rain hit her face fully for another beat before she turned to face him more. She liked the feel of it dripping down under her hair. "You're my best friend here," she told him, looking at his eyes again. Nevermind that she just didn't really have any others, if you didn't count Thom. He was ... sort of different. "Probably anywhere, now that I think about it. I disregard signs for best friends. Signs for me, anyway, because I do worry about the ones that say you're a danger to yourself." Her teeth sank a bit into her bottom lip.

It was probably stupid that he liked when she did that. Bit her bottom lip. It was distracting, though he made himself focus past it, calling up the idiot condemnation thing again. "Your best friend, huh?" he asked. Weird, how he'd just sort of thought that about her. If he believed in signs, that would have been one. "Sure I'm the best influence for you? We're partners in crime, I bring out the wrath from your goddess side, and that's not counting all the other shit we just talked about." And the one we avoided. I avoided. Whatever. "And just for the record...I'm always going to be a danger to myself. My only defense capabilities backlash on me every time." he pointed out. "Not everything can be taken down with normal fighting."

Leija managed to resist the urge to roll her eyes at the comment about his being a bad influence. "Okay, granted, there's that," she said, referring to his magic. Even though he knew what she meant. "But that's ... different." Maybe it was. It occurred to her then for the first time that he might use it specifically to hurt himself. Hell, maybe that was what he had done. Was it? She didn't ask. "As for your influence, I can think for myself, thanks. Might I remind you that I was perfectly willing to break into a stranger's house and fuck with it, alongside another perfect stranger? Maybe I'm not as good a girl as you seem to think," she said, giving him a Look.

That had his smile widening a touch. It was steadily heading towards an amused smirk, even. "Okay, I'll give you that. So you're an angelic bad girl." he said. "That the assessment you want me to carry with me?" he asked. "Sweet, beautiful angel, with a danger loving evil streak that you don't get to indulge in very often." he added. "I getting warmer? want to fill in the analysis, oh goddess?"

She laughed a little, and blushed like mad. She hated it, but she couldn't stop it. "Well, I'd take 'beautiful' out of it," she said. If he hadn't been injured as hell, she would've shoved him playfully. "More like mousy angel with a danger loving evil streak who's tired of piano lessons." Smiling a bit, in a way that felt strange on her face, she looked down at her sneaker and poked at the mud with it.

"I didn't say you could take shit out of there." Caleb said. "I said you could add to it. So fuck that, it stays." he informed her. "You're not mousey. You're a redhead with flaming fucking wings. Pretty sure that's the polar opposite of the definition of 'mousy'. And there's that bit where it's been determined that you're a goddess, so that doesn't fit with it either." he continued. He gave her a very evil little smirk then. "You're blushing, by the way." he added, because he couldn't not. She was cute when she blushed.

Just the way he said it ... was Caleb actually attracted to her? It was a weird thought that kind of made her stomach fluttery and her heart beat weirdly. Leija kept that nicely under wraps, though she did reach up to tuck some of her damp red hair behind one ear. Being called on it didn't help the blushing. Oh look how interesting that bench over there was. A marvel. "I'd totally push you off your damn crutch, if I wouldn't feel horrible three seconds later," she griped, trying not to grin how she wanted to.

He laughed, grinning fully at her now. Ah, the evil of the expression. Demonic roots, definitely. "Why's that exactly?" he asked. "What did I do, besides not let you give bullshit answers about your looks?" he asked. His tone was ever so innocent. Nope, he hadn't done anything wrong, certainly. Not a bit. This was of course totally ruined by the whole evil grin thing, but he couldn't help it.

She could see it out of the corner of her eye, and wondered in a bemused sort of way why he enjoyed torturing her so much. At least he was smiling again, even if it was terribly wicked. Leija glanced at him and then away again. "You're a dirty filthy liar, that's all," she said lightly. God, why had that made her heart pick up? Was he actually flirting with her? Surely not. "Because I am too mousy. A plain jane goddess who just happens to have firey wings. It's like being butt ugly and having gorgeous eyes or something."

Caleb eyed her, attempting to contain the grinning though it failed. "Leija, if I was going to be lying about something, don't you think I'd pick something else?" he asked. "Or start embellishing a whole lot more? Jesus, don't you have a boyfriend who tells you this shit?" he asked. He was still teasing, though definitely had to toss in that comment about her boyfriend to remind himself she had one. "I've drawn you." A lot. "Technically that might mean I'm an artist of some fucked up description. Don't you think I'd know it when I saw it?" Ha! Logic. And now if she really wanted to refute things, she'd have to discredit him as a source entirely. Or something.

"I still say it's just the wings," she said, which was what she was attempting to tell herself. Because ... just no. She wasn't beautiful, really. Her face was a little too squarish, she had that dent in her chin like a guy, she was freckled ... sure the hair was good too, but still. She didn't even have big boobs or anything. His comment about Thom made her wonder how many times he had told her she was beautiful. Not very many; he wasn't exactly the gushing type. "I think he's said it once," she said, tone shifting a little.

Were you fucking him at the time? was the totally, screamingly uncalled for thought that popped into his head, and he internally kicked himself. Oh shut the fuck up. "I don't always draw you with your wings." he said. They made appearances about half as often. But yep. Totally drawings of her without them existed. He paused as he looked at her for a long moment. "...have you seriously not been told that?" he asked. He didn't really see how that worked. As far as he was concerned she was.

Her eyes shifted to him again and she shrugged a shoulder, looking vaguely uncomfortable. "There's not really ever been anybody around to say so. I mean, my dad, but ... what does a dad know. Almost all of them think their daughters are beautiful." She re-tucked her hair self-consciously. So! Subject change, how 'bout them Dodgers? "Maybe you've just got weird taste. Not that ... y'know, I'm your ... taste or ... anything. Just ... yeah." Wow. That had been brilliant. "So how's the food here?"

He watched her flail, and stumble over her words. Huh. Apparently not. What the hell was up with her boyfriend if he didn't tell her that shit? Especially with a girl who had some clear self esteem issues. And some others that that might help a tiny bit. "Weird or not, I think you are." he said, before he let her change the subject. It wasn't like he couldn't see how uncomfortable it was making her. "It sucks." he said. "But I'm learning how to charm the nurses into getting me ice cream." he added. "You were right on that."

Dammit, now he had her thinking about it. Why Thom didn't say it much. Generally speaking, he didn't really have to; there was a lot just in the way he looked at her sometimes. But still, it'd be nice to hear, wouldn't it? Maybe. It was nice to hear from Caleb, but kind of weird at the same time. Weird in a way she probably should not be paying any attention to, because she liked it, and that was likely bad. "See? I knew you had it in you," she said, giving him a faint smile. Goddammit. He hadn't been flirting, she needed to stop thinking that might've even been a remote possibility. He was just an artist, like he said.

"Well, that was one of us." Caleb said. "I didn't think so, but I dunno. Seems to be working for some weird reason." he added. Shrugging one shoulder, he moved, going to sit down on one of the nearby benches. His body was starting to protest all this being upright bullshit, his ankle especially. The bench had no back to it, and was partially in the rain, not that he minded. It just meant he sat sideways on it, keeping his casted hand on the dry side, and he kept his eyes on her. "Can't quite figure out why though."

Leija stayed upright and where she was, because that was probably the best place to be. Out of reach. She tried to refocus on the actual subject instead of the weirdness in her head, and looked up into the falling rain again, eyes squinted. She liked flying in the rain. He must feel so ... trapped here, she thought randomly. "You weren't aware that you can be charming when you want to be?" she asked mildly.

Caleb for his part, made a study of her. He watched her, tried hard to objectively view her in the rain there looking ten kinds of sexy, and dutifully ignore it. It wasn't the easiest task ever, but he made a good attempt. "Not really. The word 'charming' and me don't really fit in the same sentence, if you hadn't noticed. Now my brother Mathias? He's got all that in spades. I swear, the guy had the entire world wrapped around his pinky from like, birth. Not me though." This he was very firm on.

She glanced down at herself and realized that she was glad she hadn't put on a white shirt. She was slowly but surely getting soaked. Not that she minded really. A faint little smile crossed her features at his mention of Mathias. He certainly did carry himself like a man who owned the world. "I think you're wrong," she replied, glancing over at him sideways and looking a touch amused. "I bet you're more like him than you think."

Caleb for one happened to be appreciating her steadily getting more drenched, in of course a purely objective manner. Really. Artistic view or whatever the fuck he was going to say to excuse the fact that he was liking the view. At least his study of her didn't alter, and he did it all the time so it wasn't like it was noticeable. He made a face at her when she said that though. "Um, you've met me, right? And I'm thinking you met him?" She had, hadn't she? He was pretty sure. "Huge difference. He's...I don't know. I've even seen it in action. Remember that first time you saw me with my ass kicked? We went out drinking after that and I swear to you that he had to have gotten at least three numbers handed to him. No prompting whatsoever, just offered."

Leija ambled around in a rough circle, watching the sky again. It was fun to throw herself off balance a bit, in a little kid sort of way. She didn't notice how he was staring at her. Not that it was any different than usual, anyway. They made a lot of eye contact, as a general rule, she was getting to notice. She smiled a bit into the rain and even stuck her tongue out briefly to taste it. "Yes, I've met him. And there's a huge difference, but that doesn't mean you don't have the same sort of thing going on, just in a different way. If you smiled more, I think you'd get more numbers." She looked over at him, reaching up to wipe the water out of her eyes. "Caleb, sweetie. You've had a girlfriend here already. Some other chick wanted you, right? Her bitchy friend? Then there's ... one, two, three female friends, counting me. One of whom just met you in the hospital and keeps coming back. You're charming the nurses. You are not devoid of magnetism." She grinned at him a bit, amused. "Stop trying to compare yourself to your brother and look around you for a second. You have a harem." Not that she liked it, but hey. It was the truth.

He was left blinking at her. "Sweetie?" he asked doubtfully. Though he didn't really mind, it was just the first time he thought she'd ever called him something like...endearing. It was weird. Not bad-weird, but strange. Then he started thinking about the rest of what she'd said. "First of all, yeah, I had a girlfriend, but she wound up being really crazy at me, and then fucked off and I haven't heard from her since. Can't say I blame her on that. And her bitchy friend? I have it on good authority that as long as it's got male parts, she's all over it, so she doesn't count either. She didn't want me, she wanted a new toy. And two female friends. You and Peyton. Ten's...I don't know. Gone. I haven't heard from her since...a few days before I got into the hospital. I think she called to say goodbye or something, so she's gone too. So if that was the third one, then you have to pick someone else. I'm charming the nurses because I can be nice to them instead of bitching at them like most of the other assholes here, and they probably appreciate not being called a fascist whore now and then and someone saying 'please'. I so don't have a harem." If I had a harem, I'd be a hell of a lot less tense. he added mentally. "All your evidence is circumstantial." he concluded with a nod.

She bypassed the pet name that had kind of come out of her mouth without her thinking about it. Which was probably a bad thing. In fact, there seemed to be a lot of bad things she was doing in relation to him. She was opening her mouth to respond when something sank in. "Ten's gone?" she asked, looking over at him again with some surprise on her face. Sure, they'd only really talked a couple of times, but ... Tensiel had been the only other angel she knew. She'd had questions and stuff. There was some bit of relief -- not for the first time -- at his mention that Jamie was gone. At least she wouldn't be fucking with his head anymore. Not directly, anyway. Leija shook her head and finally did walk over to perch on the rainy end of the bench he was on. "Well okay, whatever you say," she said in a way that indicated she really didn't believe all his arguing meant anything.

"Yeah." he said, frowning a touch. "I'm sorry, were you two friends?" he asked. Both angels, maybe they were and of course he wouldn't have known about it. He wasn't even supposed to know what they were. "But...yeah, she's...I have no idea where she went really, just that she's gone." Witness him resisting the urge to reach out to put a hand over hers. "And...well, good, we're agreed then." Or so he was going to say. That was his theory and he was sticking to it.

"Not ... really good friends or anything. We talked just a bit. Just kind of surprising," she said. She was getting a bit cold, but instead of getting out of the rain like a smart person, she just pulled her knees up to hug, heels of her sneakers on the edge of the bench. Leija glanced at him and smirked faintly. "I didn't say we were agreed. And I call the shots around here, remember? If I say you're charming, then you are. Don't talk back."

He was still wondering about the Ten thing. But he wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it. She had that kind of closed off posture going on, and well. He didn't want to start digging at more things that might be dodgey for now. They'd already hit their quota of bad conversations, right? At least for the day? "But I excel at talking back." he protested, poking her side a touch before he could stop himself that time. "It's what I do. I'm that guy who doesn't really follow the rules, and bucks the system all the time. Remember that whole partner in crime thing? Besides, if I'm going to fall in line, I have to have incentive. You're going to have to threaten me with some decent wrath." He finished. "So there. I'm not charming."

She twitched a little at the poke, but not in a bad way. More of a ticklish way. Which she was not about to let him do, that put her at Far Too Vulnerable. She'd grinned, though. "Yes you are. And ... um ... I threaten wrath upon your head," she tried, wrinkling her nose up a bit. "I would say I'd hurt you, but you're kind of already there, and they'd probably throw me out, so ... I'll take my candy bars back. And the sketchbook. And not bring you anything else cool, just schoolwork. There. You are too."

Caleb fought off urges to tug her over closer to him, and then pretended to gape at her. And of course he immediately turned on the puppy eyes. "You'd take away the sugar? And my only creative outlet that isn't finger painting in the day room?" he asked. He had to. He had to see what she would do. It was always entertaining for him to get a rise out of her.

Leija's very first impulse was to go "aww!" and hug him, but that wouldn't do anybody any good, so she laughed instead. Like, a lot, in a very giggly fashion. She put a hand over her mouth and was terribly amused. "No, okay, I wouldn't. I'm a terrible wrathful goddess and now I just want to bring you cookies. See! See what I mean?!" she cried, pointing at him.

He liked when she laughed. That little giggly thing she did was adorable, and she looked so much lighter when she was at it. It was so nice to see, in comparison to how sad and broken she looked at other times. Reaching out, he tickled her side a little. "Yeah, you are, you'll have to work on that. I mean, the least you can do is stand there threateningly and hold up a fist or something. It's less in the details and more in the implication." he informed her wisely. He leaned a tiny bit closer to speak conspiratorily in a low voice. "People's imaginations will fill in so much worse than you can detail for them."

She squeaked and slapped at his hand, though not hard. Noooo tickling, that was bad. Even if it just made her giggle more. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind. I would try to look threatening at you right now, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't pull it off to save my life." Yeah, because she was grinning like a great big idiot. God, she should really probably like ... go home or something. But she was having a good time.

He didn't mind the smack to his hand, and withdrew it, shaking it as he pretended she'd really hurt him. "You smacked me!" he said. "Evil woman." he accused. But he was grinning at her. "And yeah, you're right, I don't think right now you could intimidate dust bunnies." he added. "You're looking far too cute and sweet to pull that off." Among other things, which he wouldn't be saying if he was paid.

Leija pulled a face. Which was probably also cute. "Am not," she contradicted, and pouted a bit. Meanwhile, her pulse was definitely up, because he had to be flirting. Just a little, at least. And she was liking it, and what did that say about her? She had a boyfriend, one that she cared a ton about. But if she did, shouldn't she be leaving? Not doing this? Or was that an overreaction? It wasn't like she was cheating or anything, right? Just ... being friends. Just because she happened to find him attractive in the darkest way possible was ... not the point.

"That's your defense?" he asked. "Am not? That's five year old logic." he pointed out, clearly still amused as he laughed a bit more. He reached up to drag his fingers through his now pretty wet hair to get it out of his eyes. It was unfortunately at that stage where it started to curl a little at the ends. That was when he noticed that there were goosebumps rising up on the skin of her forearms. "You're wet, and looks like you're getting cold. Should we go back inside?" he asked. He didn't especially want to, even though he was cooling off considerably as well. He didn't really care, it was still outside for him, which he wanted to have as much of as possible. Though, he imagined he'd get shit for getting his stitches wet.

She definitely didn't want to go back inside. Her eyes moved to the door they'd come out of, and she didn't want to walk through it. But that didn't mean that she probably should. That maybe it was time to go home and back to her life and away from the way she felt sort of ... guilty. Not that that would stop her from coming back. She'd just have to tell herself that she was dumb and wrong and deal with the rest. "Don't really want to, but we probably should," she said, looking over at him again.

He nodded at her arms, as opposed to reaching out and brushing his fingertips over them. "You've got goosebumps." he said. "I just figured you were getting cold. But if you don't want to go back in? I'm all for staying outside. Honestly, it could probably be fucking blizzarding out here and I'd want to stay out here. I know it's a big box carved into the top of a building, but I feel less trapped out here than I do in there. Before I got here I spent most of my time out walking, so this is...weird for me." He glanced back towards the door too then back to her. Caleb quirked a half smile, lightly self mocking. "I mean, I know I'm a social butterfly, but having to be around this many people all the time is a bit much even for me."

Leija chuckled faintly. She was cold, but that was okay. It wasn't freezing out, and the rain felt good on her. "Let's stay out a while, then," she said with a small smile. "Until they come to corral you back inside or whatever they do." She honestly couldn't blame him; being almost completely stripped of one's privacy had to be super-shitty. Especially for someone like him. "Any daring plans for escape, yet? Have you been watching the nurses' schedules or anything?" She rested her chin on her knees and looked at him.

He gave a little half smile. "Not yet. I wouldn't start that shit without word from you. You're my partner, it should be up to you to help break me out. Any daring will have to be on your part. I'm far too damaged." Psh. Yeah right. Or, okay, he was, but it wouldn't slow him down nearly as much as it would someone else. That much was certain, and he wondered if she actually knew that. Probably not.

She tossed a glance skyward and then looked at him again with a faint smile. "If all these walls weren't made of glass with people on the other side of them, I'd just fly you out," she said. If he could hang on, that was. Things she wasn't able to carry on the ground with her arms, her wings could do. "I dunno, they checked my stuff pretty closely coming in, so I'm not sure if sneaking you something is going to work. I'm still down with the zombie idea."

"The zombie idea was pretty good." Caleb agreed, thinking about the biting her neck part of it. Which he very nearly leaned over to demonstrate, but was intelligent enough not to. "I think in the end of that one we were fugitives, running from the whole world and living under assumed names, right?" he asked.

"That was the jist of it, yeah," she answered, looking amused. Why did it seem that they were always either talking about ridiculous things, or the most serious things in the world? They just didn't have a middle ground, did they? "I can't remember what mine was now. And then I think we dissolved into arguing about whether or not you could charm the authorities."

"Did we? I dunno. If I'm supposed to be a zombie, I'm going to have to play 'mindless killing machine'. Not really charming. Besides, we just established that me and that word don't go together. I'm afraid that whole plan will hinge on you. but like I said. Any escape attempts you're going to have to shoulder the brunt of, I'm stuck on the inside, so you'll have to set up the fallback for when I get out." He watched her, smirking. "So if we don't go with the zombie bit, what's a good plan B?"

"No, see, you only have to play mindless killing machine until we make our escape," she corrected, sounding exasperated. "If this is our Plan A, you have to get it right. Once we're on the lam, you can act however. But I dunno ... being your outside woman is kinda a lot of work so far," she said, wrinkling her nose up at him. "I can't even hang around here long enough to see how things work, you've got to do something. Think you can just sit around on your injured ass and make me do all the work?"

"Hey, it's hard work being all injured. And don't forget, I have to do shit like talk to a shrink, and lie my ass off about everything. Then dodge the other inmates, so I'm not molested and maimed more. After that, I've got group therapy which is mentally scarring even more than everything else, and I have to survive the food too." he continued. "Add into that I can't leave and the windows in my room make it look like it's dreary outside even if it's bright and sunny, and you have got a really terrible environment for coming up with valid escape attempts. But fine, if you don't value me as a partner enough to do it all for me, I guess I'll try to add into my busy schedule nurse's schedules. Like they have a shift change at three." Caleb grinned at her. "And eleven."

"Oh boo hoo. God, you're a whiner," she said, though it was done with a teasing grin. In all honesty, it sounded horrible and she'd hate to have to do it herself. Would hate it. "But three and eleven, check. I might could make the second one. I'll probably need a distraction though, as I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be here that late." She bit her lip and feigned looking thoughtful. "I wonder if you can really crawl around in heating ducts like they do in the movies." Leija narrowed one eye.

"Probably not. They're not quite as big as movies would have you believe. Or they're not anymore." Caleb said with a long suffering sigh. "So, none of that." he added. "We might have to stick with elaborate plans, that don't involve sneaking off the property with no one the wiser." he continued, holding his hand out to hold in a heavier stream of water that fell off of the overhang.

She watched the water splash on and run off of his hand. There were brief times on occasion that she wished she had a camera that took those artistic pictures -- or the talent to capture things like that -- and that was one of them. "Right, so ... elaborate plans. I'd prefer to involve a helicopter at some point if possible."

He chuckled a little, eyes ticking from the water to her again. "Okay, a helicopter. You realize that's kinda funny, coming from someone who can fly, right?" he asked. "Who's going to fly the helicopter? I have a lot of talents, but that's really not one of them." he admitted, having to smirk at her. "Planning to kidnap someone to do it?"

Leija smiled faintly, still watching his hand. "Well yeah. I mean I can't pilot a helicopter. And it's not just being up in the air, it's the noise and the whole ... big machinery of it all. It's cool. Plus we can drop a ladder or something for you? And you can hang on and we can pull away and fly you out all dramatic-like."

"You have a thing for big machinery?" he asked, flashing a grin at her. "Interesting, good to know..." he added as if he were filing this away for further contemplation later. "So alright, a helicopter for dramatics sake. Where's it taking us? And are we talking a little pussy helicopter, or a big military one?"

She shot him a Look. "A big military one, of course. And I get to wear fatigues and mirror shades, even though I'm not in the military. And those big headphones that protect your ears. I dunno, we're breaking you out, where would you want to go?" Leija quirked him a little smile. She did like big machinery, she had to admit.

Caleb didn't say that he thought the idea of her in possibly a tight black tank top, with the military pants and mirror shades, hair pulled back tight was a rather hot image, actually. But that didn't mean it didn't go through his brain. "I have to make decisions now?" he asked. "I can't make decisions. I'm on medication against my will. Any and all things that come out of my mouth are suspect. Could just be the anti-psychotics talking." he grinned at her. "But as long as we keep that in mind, I'm not sure. It would either have to be someplace huge so that we could disappear into the throng of the city, or someplace small because no one would ever look there."

Leija was of the mindset that combat boots were sexy on anybody, but she didn't add that in there. Maybe it was kind of butch, but oh well. She'd never claimed to be the girliest of girls. "How about somewhere down south? Or even in South America. We could go to Rio, if you know what you're doing, it's a great city. And huge. You might actually get a tan." She grinned a bit at him. "And South American officials are notoriously uncooperative as far as extraditing criminals goes."

He made a half amused face at her, then made a pointed look down at his arm. Which if you didn't count the angry reddened bits that were still pissed off with him over being sliced up, and of course the still lightening bruises, didn't help. But on the scraps of skin he had that weren't damaged, just scarred, it was pale. "What, you saying something about my coloring, woman? Making commentary? I'm nocturnal. I can't help it." he protested. "I lived in New Orleans and managed not to get a tan." he added.

"New Orleans isn't a city you really tan in," she said. "It's too ... spooky. Either you're super-dark naturally or a pasty white boy like yourself." She had that urge again to touch his arm, to trace scars or count them or try to connect them into something coherent. But that was no good, so she didn't. "In Brazil, though, you tan even at night. Which would probably look strange on you, now that I'm thinking about it. I'd just burn."

"Okay, well we don't want to go anywhere you'll get burned." he said firmly. "Then you'd have to spend most of your time getting aloe rubbed into your skin and being overheated and miserable. So I veto that. And you're probably right. I'd look kind of weird all dark." He shrugged. "So that leaves out Brazil. And you already said the japanese were weird, with the choices of necklaces you had for me. So maybe not there either. Remote locations in Tibet or something?" he suggested. "We could start up our own religion. Already got the goddess and everything."

Though the thought of sunburn sucked, the other one of getting rubbed with aloe was kind of nice. Because who would be around to do it but him? ... which was a terrible thought and she ought to be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Which she was. Yes. Because no. "Tibet's nice. The language is difficult, but it's one of the most beautiful placees I've ever been. There are parts of Canada that are really nice, too. If you don't mind the cold. Hell, I liked London too. And everybody's pasty there."

"Yeah, but I don't think we'd have quite as good luck with starting up a religion in Canada or London." Caleb said. "People are less apt to believe in mysticism. Besides, there's the room to set up a nice temple and just chill there for however long it takes for the heat to die down here. Unless we're talking spending the rest of our lives wherever we're going. In which case, we'll just have to make sure it's a big temple. With...a training ground." Because all temples needed them, right? Sure they did.

"Well if we're starting up a religion, we're not being very undercover, are we?" she suggested. "I mean, if they're really looking for us, we'd stick out pretty badly. Unless we recruit a bunch of monks to guard us and our temple. A training ground?" she questioned, arching an eyebrow. "You planning on becoming a martial arts master while we're out?"

"No." Caleb said. "But that doesn't mean I couldn't train people to fight in other ways. I don't think I'd have the patience for martial arts. Now fighting dirty to do the most damage the fastest? Yeah that's me. And c'mon, you know how many religions are out there? Think of the cults, do you think they'd be checking every one? Especially in Tibet? We'd just be up in the mountains or something, hidden away and keep it small. You're a wrathful goddess anyhow, I'm sure that'll cut down on some of the numbers, people being all afraid n shit." he said reasonably.

"I dunno," she sounded doubtful. "Tibetans are wonderful people? But as a wrathful demanding goddess, I kind of want my own set of super-hot guys to cater to my every whim. And they kind of just don't fit the bill. So as long as we can import some. And plenty of pillows for me to lounge on." She paused and let her chin settle back down onto her knee. "I don't know how to fight," she said idly. "Except in the whole pulling-hair and yelling a lot way."

Caleb had been about to make commentary on the boy-harem that she was talking about setting up (because that's totally how he saw it), and then stopped and stared. "...come again?" he asked. Because it had sounded suspiciously to him like she'd said she didn't know how to fight. Which was not in any way shape or form acceptable.

Leija arched her eyebrows at him. "I ... don't know how to fight. Never been in one," she said, looking surprised that he seemed so appalled by that. She was a girl. And yes, technically an angel, but still. They left her alone, she'd never had to fight.

He continued staring at her. "Okay that has to change." he said. And his voice was very...final on that. Firm, immobile, a decision made, no ifs ands or buts about it. "Do you know what's lurking around this town? You've seen me with my ass kicked, fuck, Leija, take a look at me now. I didn't have to look hard. It wasn't like I had to scour to find trouble, and the kind that if you stir it up, it's you or them. And that's not even counting the fact that you're off all over the fucking world, in dangerous areas! How the hell can you not know how to fight?!"

She shrugged a shoulder a little uncomfortably. He really felt strongly about that, huh? "I just ... I dunno, people don't see me. Or things. Don't pay me any mind, it's not like I'm a threat or anything," she said, tossing another glance toward the door. "I don't stir up trouble, I just go and do my work and then leave, you know? I just kind of figured ... if I met something that wanted to fuck with me ... that'd just be ... it, I guess." Her eyes ticked back to him.

Caleb shook his head. "Fuck that. No." he said. "And don't forget I visited you in the fucking hospital, Leija, because of those stupid fucking cats. So...whatever, if you don't know, I'm teaching you. The second I'm well enough to? That's happening." he informed her. Yeah, he tended to get a lot less polite when things struck him this strongly, and he was forgoing little things like asking if she wanted to or would consent to it. Seemed a hell of a lot less important than giving her at least the basics on defending herself, at the very least long enough to get the fuck away.

Leija stared at him for a long moment. It was kind of weird, that he was all up in arms about something she'd hardly given a second thought to. "They attacked everybody," she pointed out quietly. Nevermind that Journey had actually known what he was doing. Thinking of, she wanted to try to find him at school; he'd been nice to her. "But okay. I can't promise I'll be any good, but ... okay." Her eyes ticked off elsewhere.

"Who gives a fuck if they attacked everyone. That's not the point. The point is they attacked you." he said. He didn't add in if she knew how to fight, she might have been able to help the others, because he knew what she'd do with that information. She'd just sit on it and feel horrible and like she'd done something wrong or failed or some shit, and he really didn't want her feeling that way. Especially since it was past, and there was nothing that could be done about it now. Caleb watched her, and the way she looked away. "Why do you do that?" he asked.

"Why do I do what?" she asked, still examining a bench across from them. Now she really was getting cold, but she still didn't want to move. It was stupid, that she hated it when he sounded irritated with her. She was stronger than that. Also stronger than feeling weird that he was being sort of ... all protective. Thom hadn't ever suggested that she learn how to fight, and he supposedly knew what was out there too. It was vaguely confusing and distressing. Not that he wasn't right.

"You fucking---" he started, frustrated, and he dragged his fingers through is hair. "First thing you do is give the bullshit 'I can't promise I'll be any good' line. Jesus, Leija, it's not like you're some invalid incapable person. You can do whatever the fuck you want, if you just...fuckin put your mind to it. You're an angel for fucks sake. Have a little confidence in yourself. You can play music, right? Well? If you can do that, you can do other shit too. Don't give me the bullshit cop out before you even try."

Leija looked at him sharply. "Did I say 'no, I know I'll suck I don't want to try'? No. I said okay. And I will try. Playing music has pretty much nothing to do with physical prowess, Caleb, I'm not that kind of fucking angel, okay?" She started ticking things off on her fingers. "I can't bless shit, I don't have extra strength except in my back, I die just as easy as anything else, probably more, the fucking cats made me sick because they were cursed, and I don't have a counterbalance. The only thing I've got going for me is I can look scary to things who don't know what I really am. But that's a goddamn sham. So yes, I will try, but don't expect any more out of me than you would a normal girl. I wasn't copping out, don't fucking put words in my mouth."

"Bullshit." Caleb snapped. "You immediately lept for the excuse of 'well, I might not be any good'. Don't even tell me that that's not exactly what it is, because I'm not that stupid, and just because you've got other people around you who'll let you get away with it, doesn't mean I will." Because since she did it, and he noticed it a lot, she had to have people who just bought it. Had to. "And who gives a shit about what you can't do. You can be any kind of angel you want. So you can't do some things. Whatever, a lot of people can't. Doesn't mean you have to sit back and not do shit about anything because you're limited. You're not. You're only as limited as you decide to be. You don't have a counterbalance? Make one. Fuck, it's like you up and decided 'oh, guess I don't have anything, guess I won't try to find some thing to help that'." he continued. "If I'd done that, I'd probably be dead by now. No, scratch that, I know I would be."

She glared at him like she could make his head explode. "You are --" she cut herself off and made an aggravated noise, looking away again. Leija glowered around the courtyard for a minute. "I have never met anyone in my life who can piss me off so much while being fucking encouraging at the same time," she muttered sourly. Dickhead. She'd do it, she knew she would. Because he was right, and if there was anybody who probably could teach her to fight the way she needed to know? He was sitting on the other side of the bench.

"Be pissed all you want, just stop it." he said right back, not really caring if he pissed her off, just so long as he eventually quit hearing her disclaimer everything she ever did. "You don't have to come with a warning label. I hate hearing you say shit like that. I don't know who convinced you you couldn't do anything, but...it's just bullshit." The last bit was said slightly less angrily, though he was still frowning at her in a pissy sort of manner. "When I do get well enough to teach you, I'm going to teach you how to disable things fast. You've got wings, you can get away really quickly, but just in case you can't, I want you to know how to put something down as quick as you can."

It seemed really fucked to be lectured on self-esteem by a guy who had tried to kill himself. And she thought about pointing that out, but didn't. She just ducked her head to rub one cheek against her jeans. Both of them were burning up. Stupid fucking complexion. She hated it. It made her freckles stand out really bad, and she couldn't ever hide any blushing. "Okay," she said, for lack of anything better to say. She couldn't do much of anything. Those were just facts, really, to her. But arguing with him wouldn't get her anywhere.

That annoyed him too. Her just saying 'okay'. It was placating. The response you gave to someone just to shut them the fuck up, as opposed to anything else. The verbal equivellent of smiling and nodding. So, basically, he'd lost her. She wasn't listening to him anymore, or that's what he figured. So he didn't say anything. He just watched the color on her skin, how it rose up in her cheeks, and how her posture was defensive. Part of him wondered how she'd got there. Where it came from, then making herself small thing. She might not have been looking anywhere near him, but his eyes remained steady on her, unwavering. There was a light frown on his features, that troubled expression back.

Leija let the silence stretch on for a while. She was aware that he was still staring at her. Why did he unsettle her so much? It sucked, and she didn't like it. She liked what felt like barbed criticisms even less. Probably because he dug deeper than other people did. She never heard things like that from anybody else. Not even close. Eventually she had to glance at him because he was just staring. "What?" she asked, not nearly as hard-edged as she kind of wanted to. "I know I need it, and I'll definitely try once you're better." What the hell else did he want to hear from her?

"I didn't say anything." Caleb pointed out. Then he sighed, and looked away finally, before he looked back at her. "I'm wondering why you do this. Or what ever got you thinking that you're...whatever it is you think you are. Not good enough. I don't get where that happens. Or how it does, or how you can possibly let it ride like that. I don't--" he stopped again, then shook his head and went on. "What I am, there's usually shit that goes along with it. Perks, if you will. I didn't get any. At all. Pretty much what you were saying, the...all the drawbacks but none of the perks? Only less because I don't have anything like wings on my side. But it's not like I can pretend I'm normal. Go along in life and shoot for 2.5 and a white picket fence or whatever the fuck normal people strive for. It's not exactly the world we live in, y'know? But I never..." How did he explain this? "I searched til I found something. Because no one ever said that you only have to keep and be content with what the universe handed down."

God, she wanted to cry again. But she stubbornly tried to put a thumb on that and keep it swallowed down. She wasn't good enough, not really. Not for that kind of thing. She was just ... what she was. Which wasn't a whole lot. She was just a cog in the big machinery of life or something like that. As people were born, they had to die, and regardless of who they were, she had to be there for some of them. She didn't even get a choice in the matter. Leija knew she couldn't ever do what Caleb did. She didn't have the guts for it. "Maybe you don't have to get it," she suggested quietly. Knowing full well that would likely be another argument. Or just a continuation of the one they were already having. "With ... what I do. I dunno, it's like I was designed to feel helpless. Always being just too late to save anyone. Watching how any efforts from others to do so are just ... futile. ... I don't expect you to get it. Some of it, I wouldn't want you to get." The parts when she had to look into the eyes of a dying child and wonder why she bothered sticking around in this life at all.

"Is that how you see it?" he asked, and hey, his voice was quiet there. "That you're here just to feel helpless, and that's it? You've never even figured trying to look at it from the other end, or maybe try and do anything about your situation? You can't help the people you go to. Maybe it's their time or whatever, and that's just it. Everyone's got one. Doesn't mean you have to keep yourself locked into some little box and take no action of your own in other matters." he pointed out. Caleb looked down, and picked at the stitches on his casted arm, an idle thing he wasn't really thinking about, he just needed something to concentrate on that wasn't her for a minute.

"It made me feel better." he said, still quiet. "When I found out what you really do, that made me feel...like at least there'd be some moment where I wasn't facing shit alone. They say everyone dies alone, but that's not true, is it? At least in some cases. And I know myself well enough to know that in my case...that'll be it. No way I'm going out peacefully in my sleep or some shit like that."

But what about me? was her immediate thought. And one she always hated, because it kept cropping up. It was inherently selfish of her, she knew; she should be concerned for the greater good, other people, how it helped them like people kept telling her it must. It just hurt. So much. Which wasn't the important part at all, but it was one that she hadn't come to terms with in the slightest. What could she do but become jaded to it to protect herself? Which was something she didn't want to do. Hell, Leija wasn't even sure if such a thing was possible. She didn't answer for a minute, eyes moving down to where he was picking and staying there. "I'll be able to see it, before it happens," she murmured from far off. "I'll know. It's like ... a dark halo, around your head. I see it on people, and depending on how big and black it is ... that's how soon it'll be. Unless they change something themselves, but I can't ... I can't intervene. In any way." She swallowed thickly, chin trembling just for a second. "Did it really? Make you feel better?"

It was probably fucked up, but that made him feel weirdly better too. That she'd know. And judging by the fact that he didn't think she was that good an actress--at least around him--he didn't think she'd be able to hide it. Then he'd know. Game over, and all that. He could deal with that. Though on the flip side--he really didn't think she would be able to. Which was not good in any way. When she asked the last bit, he ticked his eyes up to hers. She wasn't looking at him, and he could see how her posture had changed some. That slight bit that said she was close to tears. See, here was the part where it would have been nice if it wasn't so ingrained in him to not touch people. She looked like she needed the reassurance. Fuck. He answered, though, nodding. "Yes." he said, quiet but clear.

She didn't know what to say to that. Part of her wanted to be glad, part of her wanted to cry at him and say she couldn't be there when it happened. Statistically speaking, she probably wouldn't be. She didn't want to be, not for Caleb. That was, after all, her darkest fear. To have to attend the death of someone she cared about. Her father, Thom, Caleb ... she didn't want it, didn't want to be the one who had to watch their eyes fade out. Didn't want to be left behind. Because she would be. Eventually everyone she loved would die off, and she would be left alone to deal on her own. So she'd better fucking get used to it, hadn't she? Leija swallowed hard again, and set her jaw against everything that threatened. "Good," she said quietly. "That's something."

He stopped tugging at his stitches, not because he'd pulled hard enough to draw blood, which he had, but because he needed to do something. He just didn't know what. There was still that strong twitch inside him, that didn't like contact, yet at the same time he knew there were times he wanted it. Hell, with her he liked when she got closer to him. So he held onto that. He shifted, getting closer to her, which was more him just sliding forward on the bench, so he was next to her, and he reached out to put one hand on her forearm. "You're not helpless. And I get that what you have to do sucks for you, and it can't be easy. I just think there's a lot more to you than you're seeing. And...maybe no one ever said so before or something, but it's being said now." His town was quiet but even, and he knew there was more to say there, but he didn't know how to word it.

Her eyes ticked up to meet his again finally. She looked at him without blinking for quite a few heartbeats, as though she was trying to judge whether or not he was full of shit. There was actually green in his eyes, she wondered if he knew that. Which was entirely unimportant, but there was the thought anyway. She knew that he twitched about being touched, so every time he did it voluntarily meant something. "Maybe you're right," she murmured, gaze not moving away from his. There was another beat or two of silence, before she added, "You're getting your cast wet."

He didn't bother looking at it as he kept his eyes on hers, just moved it back out from where it was getting water on it. He didn't actually move back away from her. The fingertips of his good hand slid down her arm a little, towards her wrist, though he didn't quite know what he was planning there. "Are you okay?" he asked. Seemed like a question he should know the answer to, or y'know, not have to ask someone who'd gone out of her way to visit him while he was in lockup. He was pretty sure other people didn't get into fights with their guests. Not a whole lot of arguing going on, really. But yeah, things felt off, and he knew they'd just had another round of 'let's stomp all over Leija's issues' and so he had to ask.

Leija felt his hand moving, but didn't make a move to stop whatever it was he was going to do. She didn't look away from him, either. "I haven't really been okay in a long time," she said quietly, and gave him the faintest of smiles. "But I'll make it." She hoped, at least. Or maybe she didn't hope, she wasn't quite sure, some days. And there she was again, being the one he needed to ask that of, instead of the other way around. "I'm the shittiest psych ward visitor ever," Leija added. She seemed to really suck at cheering him up for more than five minutes, before it degenerated into fighting or ... this. "I'm sorry."

His fingers kept drifting, down towards her hand. He knew he was leaving little trails in their wake, water gathering up off of her skin there. She always seemed to reach for his hand when things were...in sideways land like they were now. Or she touched his arm. Scars. So, he was kind of unconsciously returning the favor, even if her skin was flawless. "Will you?" he asked. It wasn't that he didn't believe her. It was that he wasn't sure. He moved on, though. She had already said she wasn't okay, and he was glad she hadn't gone for the 'yeah sure, fine' answer. He quirked the ghost of a smile at her for the last bit. "I was just thinking that most people here didn't start fights with their guests." he admitted. "So, don't be sorry. I'll claim blame here."

Her arm moved without her thinking about it, responding to the gesture more on a subconscious level than anything else. It shifted outward so that her fingers found his and curled there. "You're supposedly the unstable one, though," she pointed out, though it was said in a soft sort of way. "And I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to come and be a big spikey ball of depression at you. Kind of dampens down that whole ... finding stuff to live for, I guess." She bit at the corner of her lip and sighed a touch. "I don't have these kinds of conversations with anybody else, you know? You're ... tenacious. But not wrong. Maybe."

Maybe that's what he'd been going for. Her hand, what she did with it there. He was okay with that. Felt like kind of the right thing to do. As for her admitting that she didn't have these kinds of talks with anyone else, he bought that. If she did, she wouldn't be so against them when he had them with her. She'd have different perspectives available, and wouldn't act like what he was saying to her was utterly foreign territory. His gaze ticked down a little, to her shoulder. "You're not under some obligation to come up with reasons for me to want to live." he added quietly. "That's not on you. So don't think it's your responsibility. My fucked up head isn't your fault." He really needed her to know that. But he wanted to know something else, and he asked it when his eyes went back up to hers. "Does no one ever push, or are you better at hiding it when you're around other people?"

Leija bypassed the question at first. She looked at him earnestly once she had his gaze again. "Caleb, nothing I do here is something I feel obligated to do. Okay? Please trust me on that. I'm here completely because I want to be. It's not a responsibility or an obligation or guilt or anything like that. I swear." She looked at him for another beat before answering him. "Both. Most people just don't look in the right places, and when they do ... they don't push." It was just another reason for her to think that he understood her on a different level than anyone else in her life. Which was quite possibly bad.

He listened to that, nodding a tiny bit, really a slight incline of his head. "Do you want them to?" he asked. He did, quite clearly without her permission or blessing, but he wanted to know if she was anything like him. Where there were things he didn't want to ever have to discuss--but they were so much a part of him that if anyone was ever really going to know him, he was going to have to. He just knew it took work. Pulling things out of him, and so far, she was the only one who made that kind of effort. Not all the time, but she tried. Like tonight she'd asked again about what he was--she hadn't forgotten about it and let it drop forever. Part of why they had arguments were they didn't generally have 'so how was your day' discussions. Either they were talking stupidly serious shit, or complete bullshit. Not a lot of middle ground, and he was starting to see that even more.

She thought about that before she answered. "Yes," she said very quietly, eyes ticking down to his mouth briefly for whatever reason. "I want them to care enough to really see me. After lying to everyone for so long ... you start to wonder if they've really got their eyes open, y'know?" She had a feeling, from past conversations, that he did. "If you even really matter, or if they just want you to keep the status quo. 'Cause the people around you in the good times aren't ... the truly important ones." The more she said, the truer it felt, and the more alone she was. Not that she'd had very many people in the first place. She took a deep unsteady breath and let it out again slowly.

He heard the unsteadyness there. When she was closer to him, in close physical proximety, he was very aware of her. The little things, like that. Caleb found himself nodding though. Agreeing, because he knew sometimes he felt the same way, even if slightly different. Like...his keeping up the status quo hadn't mattered. He'd found that out when he'd discovered that his parents really didn't give a damn, they just put up appearances, and only the bare minimums at that. And he had found out spectacularly quickly that the people he'd thought he'd discovered that were there really weren't. About the only people he could count now were his brothers and her. Peyton...he didn't know well enough yet to get a real feel for. Therefore currently she didn't count. "I know what you mean. About...people caring enough to see." he clarified. Yeah. That part he felt the most.

Leija ran her thumb over his knuckles before really realizing she'd done it. "I thought so," she said quietly. She wasn't sure where else to go with that, really. So she didn't say anything else, just looked at him. They seemed to be alone in the same boat, sometimes. Which more things than she would've thought, in different ways. Maybe it was good fortune for both of them that they'd met and hit it off okay. So he could torture her and she could torture him back and then they could talk about silly bullshit. That was how it seemed to be going.

Caleb gave her the faintest of quirked smirks. "Great situation, isn't it?" he asked, even if his tone was still a little quiet. He should also move away from her, because he had the deranged urge to get closer. Put both arms around her, pull her back, and very likely there would be a kiss in there somewhere. He even knew where. Right there, beneath her ear. Yeah, he really needed to not be thinking like that, and to move the fuck away from her. He always did this. Got stupid and clouded and started turning things around into things they weren't. They had some traumatic things in common. Ironic, considering what 'sides' they played in the grand sceme of things, but still. Okay they did. Fine. That didn't in any way shape or form mean he needed to twist it around to attraction every fucking time. That was just stupid.

"Tons of fun," she agreed wryly. She even smirked back at him, better than his. Her mind wanted to tack on some sort of 'as long as we've got each other' thing, but she clamped down on that. That wasn't the sort of thing you said to someone who wasn't ... your boyfriend, right? Yes, they were friends. Good friends, with bad shit in common. That was all. Nevermind that the way his wet hair was curling was adorable and she wanted to stick her fingers in it. That was just her being stupid. And he hadn't been flirting earlier, that was her being stupid too. She seemed good for that today. Leija hadn't noticed yet, but a fine tremor had started up in her body. It was cold, dammit, and she was ignoring it.

She might not have noticed, but he did. When it picked up, that at least kicked his mind out of intensely stupid land. Giving her hand a little squeeze, he pushed himself up to his feet, careful of his ankle, and he grabbed his crutch to help balance himself as he stood out on the rain-side of the bench. "You're cold. C'mon." he said, tugging her hand a little to prompt her getting to her feet. "Back inside for the goddess." Because that was at least action he could take. Like...giving her a shirt to wear home or something, since hers was nicely sticking to her what with the soaked of it all. And while he could definitely appreciate that, it wasn't good for her. Or something. Yeah, whatever.

Leija still didn't really want to move, but he was right. She was definitely cold. She uncurled and stood up as ordered, keeping a hold of his hand. It wasn't a very appealing idea, but she figured she should probably head on home soon, too. School tomorrow and all that crap, and her dad would want to bug her about how her day was and everything. Once they were under the overhang again, she glanced down and saw that -- of all the awesome things ever -- her headlights were way on. Her cheeks went red again and she crossed that free arm over her chest as best and casually she could. Shit.

Caleb couldn't help it, he flashed a grin at her, that clearly said yeah, he'd caught that. Totally noticed. Of course, her cheeks turning their nice cherry red only accentuated it. "Troubles?" he asked, that grin still in place as he went to tug open the door for her, and his tone was more or less one that was just begging for him to get hit for it.

She shot him a death glare that was more effective this time, and she took her hand back to cross both arms over her chest as she walked through the door. "Just fine, thanks," she muttered as she passed him. And again had the thought that she'd totally hit him if he wasn't hurt enough already. Not to mention that there were nurses watching them.

Almost disappointed that she didn't swat him for it, he followed along with her, still grinning, and pointedly grinning at her as they made their way back to his room. "Okay, just checking." he assured her, in an utterly untrustworthy sort of manner. Because really, he so wasn't right then. Though at least this was in a playful, teasing sort of manner, as opposed to the stupid urges he kept getting around her. This he could deal with much better. Seriously. He got a Look or two from staff as they made their way, and he just smiled at them too. This seemed to work, them sort of giving a half smile back before they shook their heads and went about their business. When they got back to his room, he leaned against the wall just inside of it. "If you want a shirt, you can borrow one." he said. Wasn't he helpful! Really he was! And the smirk was totally not at all evil. Picture of innocence, he was. Or, that's what his tone said. Everything else about him contradicted that.

Leija had been trying to work out how she could pick up her messenger bag and shoulder it without flashing pointy nipples everywhere. The warmth of her arms wasn't doing anything to help. Neither was him grinning at her like that. "You don't mind?" she asked when he offered a shirt, however, looking around at him a little sheepishly. "I'll bring it back." How many shirts could he have here, anyway? Because she really didn't want to walk around on the psych ward any more than she absolutely had to with her soaked shirt sticking to her.

He chuckled at that. "I don't mind." he assured her. He was starting to drip water on the floor, but he wasn't paying attention to that. He ticked his gaze to the small cabinet they called a closet in his room. "There's a few in there." he informed her. Dorian had brought him some clothes. He wasn't actually allowed to wear his long sleeved ones for a few days yet, something about them needing to know he wasn't finding ways to cut himself or some bullshit like that, but he had them. "Pick whatever one you want." he invited. He really should stop smirking at her like he was, but he couldn't manage it.

She went to where he indicated and picked a t-shirt out of what he had, more or less at random. At least it was dark. And dry. She couldn't help but notice that everything in the closet smelled like him. In a warm and clean sort of way. Which made sense, because they were his clothes. But his scent got into her nostrils and stayed there as she lingered for just a second as though she were still looking. Ducking her head and holding the shirt kind of to her chest, she turned and slipped into the little bathroom that was attached, closing the door behind her.

He watched her go, not saying a damn word, and his imagination was sort of going in directions it clearly shouldn't. Internally kicking himself again, he sighed, then walked over to it himself, yanking his shirt off and pulling out a dry one. He shook his head more or less like a dog for a few seconds, to get some of the water out of his hair, then started to pull it on, wondering how long she was going to take. Probably not long. He also wondered what she'd look like in his shirt, which was random of him.

There was a towel in there, though it was really small, and she used that to kind of wipe her face and arms off after she'd stripped out of her shirt. After a brief consideration, she took her bra off too. It wasn't like she desperately needed one, anyway, and it was soaked as well. The thought occurred to her that she was half-naked not terribly far from Caleb, and it had her tugging his shirt on in a hurry. Leija wrung her hair out in the sink and looked at herself in his unbreakable mirror for a moment. Then balled up her wet clothes and opened the door again to step out.

Caleb looked over when she was back out, and knew he'd probably be going for a shower after she was gone, since it wasn't as if he hadn't gotten cold outside as well. But he had a dry shirt on, so now he was only dripping on the floor from the end of his jeans, and kinda his hair, which was a mess now, something he made a vague attempt at remedying by tugging his fingers through it. He decided in about .2 seconds that he liked seeing her in his shirt. Which was fantastically dumb, and inane, and other types of words that all pointed to a sharp drop in his IQ, but there it was. "Feel better?" he asked.

Leija gave him a bit of a smile. "Yeah," she answered. "Thanks." And completely didn't pay attention to the fact that he looked cute all touseled like that. Okay so she wasn't dead, she could acknowledge something like that about a friend, right? Right. So. Cuteness from Caleb, and she could still smell him in the shirt she had on. Which she wasn't paying attention to. She crossed the room to stuff her wet clothes into her bag. "Guess I should probably ... go home," she said, glancing at him. "So they can come bitch at you for trying to catch pneumonia or whatever."

"Probably." he agreed. Though he didn't actually sound like he a) cared and b) really thought it was a good idea. He didn't want her to go, even if he logically knew she had to, and how long had she been there, anyways? Ages, probably. She had things like an outside life with homework and a boyfriend to go visit and all that kind of shit. So yeah. She needed to go. Probably. "They'll crab at me a little, but as long as I don't catch pneumonia or some shit, they'll leave me alone." he assured her. That was the theory, anyways, he didn't really know. He figured they would though. He was getting good at getting what he wanted out of the staff.

She nodded in a vague sort of way. She didn't particularly want to go, either, but she was noticing ... things. Like how she could feel every brush of fiber of his shirt on her skin and that was probably not something she needed to be focusing on. Like, ever. So it was probably time to go. Home and into the shower and everything. Maybe to call Thom; she hadn't gotten to see him much at school. Thinking of him brought on a nice, focusing stab of guilt. She wasn't sure exactly why it was there, but it was. Leija nodded again and shouldered her bag. "I'll ... see you later then," she said, looking at him a touch uncertainly.

Caleb's mind was going off in directions that he really had to get it back from, though it was a little difficult. But he managed! For now. "Yeah. Thanks for everything. Candy, and homework and everything. Um...have a good night." he added. "If you haven't noticed, I really suck at saying goodbye to people." He said, rolling his eyes at himself. "I'm never sure what to say. So...see you some other time...don't get sick or anything."

"You too. Or ... I mean, you don't get sick either," she said. She wasn't the best at goodbyes either. After hesitating another beat, she crossed the distance between them to give him a light, one-armed hug. She didn't want to put too much boob on him, after all. And after the time they'd spent this time? She thought it warranted a hug. Or maybe that was just her wanting reassurance or something. Whatever. "'Night, Caleb," she said softly, before letting go and backing off.

He noticed he only really got hugs from her. And when she'd given him one, he hugged her back with his good arm mostly, though the casted wrist did press lightly against her side a touch before he let go when she did, figuring now was an especially good time for her to not be in physical reach. "Night, Leija." he said back, leaning back against the wall again, and vaguely reaching out for his crutch, but only in a distant, absent sort of way as his attention was on her leaving. He gave her a short little wave. Then, once she was out the door and out of sight, he released a rush of air from his lungs, and thunked his head back against the wall behind him. You're a fucking asshole, Lockwood. he reminded himself. Yep. That was him.