Mutually assured destruction

Who: Caleb and Nic
Where: the phone, parking garage, and island
When: evening

Nic was torn on Sundays, by and large. On the one hand, a lot of people were crammed in church today, giving her free reign of the town. On the other? Tomorrow was Monday, which meant a return to school and all the idiots within it. But she was ungrounded, she'd actually done her homework, and the night was free for her to use however she liked. The day before, she'd picked up a book at Nevermore to try and start her first steps towards learning witchcraft, but she'd already exhausted whatever brain space she had with reading for the day.

She needed an outlet, something to do or someone to mess with... and Nic knew just who to call. Stealing the cordless phone from the kitchen, she ducked into her room and settled on her bed with the phone cradled to her ear. Nic dialled Caleb's number quickly, studying the slowly-fading bruise that lingered on her neck. It was compelling to study, the way the colors had changed, working in edges of yellow and fading from a light purple to a blue so dark it was nearly black in the center. It was easier to cover at home, but she hadn't bothered today. Mainly because, well, she was going out. If Caleb was busy? She was still heading out. But Nic nursed a private hope that he wasn't as she listened to the other end of the line ring.

Caleb picked up his cell after it ran through the first run of the song he had as her ringtone, just wanting to hear it play for a second. Then he picked up. It was also possible that he'd let it do that because he kind of didn't want to appear too eager to talk to her--which he was. "Couldn't wait til tomorrow to talk to me?" he answered. He rarely did 'hello'. He also, after he said that, hoped it wasn't an emergency. Which really, in the grand scheme of things, could be entirely possible.

Smirking at his greeting, Nic leaned into the phone to pin it between shoulder and ear. She could just call him a homo, but that was getting a little stale by now. "Oh shit, Caleb?" she said instead, feigning surprise, "I was trying to order Chinese for dinner... did you know your number is like one off from from the Rice Paddy?" Laughing faintly to herself, Nic reached up to touch her neck for a moment before going on. "Actually, don't answer. I need to order dinner," she said, abruptly hanging up and grinning wide at her reflection in the mirror on her wall. Nic counted to ten slowly before she hit the redial button, reclining on her bed and fishing under her pillow for a spare pack of cigarettes.

Caleb shook his head and flipped his phone shut again, waiting for the sound of Soundgarden to hit again. And, when it did, he let it play through again, only twice this time. Then he got round to picking it up. "'The Spirits Are Among Us, This Is The End' Hotline, how may I direct your call?" he asked her.

"Aw, dammit!" Nic snapped in mock-frustration, "This isn't Rice Paddy either? I need a fucking phonebook." She stretched on her bed, tucking a cigarette to her lips and lighting up with a slow inhale of smoke, watching the ceiling as she listened to Caleb. "Okay, hotline guy? I'm bored and hungry, I think I'm going for a walk, where's my best ghost-free destination?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Have you gotten The Word? What about Jesus?" Caleb asked, smirking to himself as he propped his feet up on the windowsill above his bed. "Then the only ghost you need to worry about is the Holy one! You know you want to be Saved." he told her. "You can cure your bordom by reading The Word." he suggested. "I think you're s.o.l. for food though, communion was over hours ago. And really, don't think about how it's really inherent cannibalism, and how there's a zombie in there somewhere...we're trying to keep all that on the d.l. if you know what I mean..." he said, voice dropping to a conspiritorial tone.

"You people actually downplay the zombie aspect?" she asked in surprise, chuckling to herself richly, "Why? Zombies are huge right now, and that'd help people overlook the whole molestation problem you've had lately." She sighed quietly, feigning distress. "Aw, serious? You're out of Jesus-crackers? What about wine? Is there still blood wine? Because I could totally chug some of that and spread the faith to this one guy I know... actually, probably not. But he'd like the taste," Nic teased with a playful note in her voice.

He had to grin at that. "Jesus-crackers will be available again tomorrow, but you'll have to come to church. And sing. There will be singing and joyousness, before the Rapture really hits. And I don't know about this guy you're talking about. That sounds fishy to me. Shady, even. Clearly, a bad influence. Possibly the anti-christ, considering these times and how they're The End and all." he told her. "So, you should either steer clear...or you could always drag him to church, throw some holy water on him, and let him accept Jesus the hard way." Which he hoped she didn't do, because if anything actually was blessed--it made him feel sickish.

Nic laughed richly, rolling onto her side and sitting up. "If he's the anti-Christ, you people have nothing to worry about. His only advantage is that he's got better hair than your boy with the holes in his feet," she teased. "And yes, he is shady. But shade is a good thing, keeps me nice and cool and pale, lets the bruises show better. Except this one? It's, well, fading? And I think Jesus might be to blame, the bearded dick." She had no desire to step into a church, luckily for Caleb, not even for free wine. "So no, I'll skip the singing. I think I'm gonna go for my walk now, maybe find a random stranger to refresh these marks I've got. They're not stigmata, but I like 'em plenty."

Renewing the marks on her...yeah he could go for that. He could go for a lot of things, but that? He definitely wanted. And with everything she'd just said, he had to give himself just a second to work past the nice mental imagery going on in the back of his head. "So are you going to be seeing Mr. Shady?" he asked. "Where at, so I can send our acolytes to try and love and peace the devil out of you both?"

"We definitely won't be down at the parking garage on Third Street," she answered, snickering at her reflection, "Sunday in this town? No one's down there, it's all empty and quiet, even if it's warm-ish. Everything's closed, people are at home. I think we'll be out volunteering to walk peoples' dogs for them, maybe off on Longyear or somewhere. Send a few nuns, make sure they're armed." She hopped up from her bed, moving to grab a discarded sweatshirt and sniff it critically as she readied herself to head out.

"We'll be sure to do that. Don't give up the fight! We'll save you yet! Then you can join our crusade. See you soon, we'll be in the pope mobile with the army of nuns parading along behind us." Caleb told her, already getting up to grab his hoodie, which he was really going to have to trade in for a proper coat soon. He also hung up, pocketing his phone before he headed out, debating taking the car, and in the end, decided to. Just in case they wanted to drive around. Or...whatever it was they wanted to do.

Caleb was definitely going to be getting teased even for the joke, for the enthusiasm he put into even mocking people who might want to 'save' her. Nic hung up, shaking her head at the thought of him as she yanked open her dresser and quickly set to layering clothes before she tugged on her sweatshirt. Shouldering her backpack, she dipped out of her room and murmured a quick goodbye to her mother as hse dozed on the sofa, drawing an encouraging smile from the older woman when she said she was going to hang out with Caleb. Nic planted a kiss on her mom's temple before she slipped out, tucking her headphones over her ears and starting downtown. It wasn't even quite dusk yet, there'd at least be a couple of hours before dark really settled around her. And by the time it did? Well, even if Nic wasn't spooked, she'd have twice as many reasons to feel secure soon enough.

Caleb drove downtown, and parked in the parking garage, then got out, and sat on the hood, waiting for her. He parked in the far back corner, where the shadows were darkes, and it was possible he took out one of the orange lights in the place. It had been flickering, and it had been annoying the shit out of him, so he'd just...kinda sorta maybe just a little flicked a spell at it. Which had crumbled the light, and a little of the concrete surrounding it, but who was counting? Then it was just him, waiting for her to show, vaguely wondering what the hell they were even going to be up to tonight.

Without a car, Nic took a bit longer than Caleb. She breathed in the crisp chill of the air, loving fall in the area even if it was at its' end. Trudging along with her head bobbing to her music, Nic gradually appeared in glimpses beyond the retaining wall of the parking garage. She didn't catch Caleb where he waited, hidden in the shadows, instead just ducking into the lower level of the garage and starting across the width of the space. It seemed... darker in here, but it was probably her distracted focus, or the mood her music imposed on her.

He watched her as she arrived, and started walking along. It took him a moment to really decide if she hadn't noticed him or not, and when he decided that she hadn't, he decided he couldn't possibly let that opportunity pass him by. So, he started to skirt round her. Back behind her, and he knew how to be stealthy when he wanted to be, so he employed that to it's fullest. At least, he did right up until he'd ghosted her for a few feet, and she was passing one of the cement supports of the place. Reaching out, he snagged one of her wrists, pulled her off balance, and pushed her back against the support.

Mastodon didn't exactly convey a relaxed mood. Nic used her music for energy, for aggression, and with a song called 'Blood and Thunder'? Well, you got what you paid for. So when she was suddenly being yanked off balance without the faintest hint of awareness that it was Caleb, her instincts and ire rose to the surface in a rush. "Fuck off!" she snapped as her free hand lashed up and across in a left cross like she'd been shown in kickboxing classes. Whoever this was deserved to lose a few teeth.

Lucky for him, Caleb had been expecting a swing. And really, as he moved back from it, as he deflected it some and pulled her around off balance the other way, he had to admit that he was at the very least just a little proud of her. He liked that she was at least keeping on her toes. "But I'm here to show you the true path to Jesus." he told her, sliding her arm back around her side. Really the whole thing sort of betrayed the fact that Caleb ahd been in more than his fair share of fights.

She couldn't hear him at first, not with double kick pedals pounding in her ears. Nic had been lunging forward in a very unskilled headbutt to follow the failed punch as her brain clicked in recognition. She stopped stiffly, the momentum jerking her headphones back to hang from her neck as she glared at Caleb in surprise for a heartbeat. "...fucker!" she blurted at him after a moment, heart pounding in her chest from the shock of it all. "Sign me up if it means I get to crucify your skinny ass," she growled, arm straining as she resisted the control he had over it futilely.

He held her there for a moment or two longer, feeling her straining, then he released her entirely and stepped back, unable to hide the touch of dark amusement he was feeling. "Take a number." he said. "I'm sure there are a lot of people who'd want to fight you for the chance at that." he said. He also almost said something else, but bit it back for the moment. He was going to wait to see just how pissed she was at him before he gave her pointers.

Leaning back against the concrete support for a moment, Nic rubbed her shoulder lightly in one hand, fighting the urge to smile at the dull ache of a bite mark he'd left behind there. Then? She abruptly shoved both hands out at him, pushing at Caleb's chest to shove him back. Nic stepped right in to follow, grabbing his sweatshirt after a few steps and moving in close. "Fuck your numbers," she growled heatedly, "I'm cutting to the front of that line, buddy. You're mine to mess up." And even if the words were heated and she'd been pissed before? There was an electric undercurrent in her eyes, something showing the rush of aggression he brought out just as easily, if not moreso, as her music.

He stepped back when she shoved him, taking one more to keep his balance, and he liked the way she moved in after it, closer, and didn't at all mind how she grabbed his shirt like that. He looked at her, watching her eyes. That was a look he enjoyed, one he could easily get used to. "Am I?" he asked, tone light, voice lowered in volume, so that it didn't have that slight echo everything else had. Like it was just for her--and it was.

"Told you this before, but I guess you weren't listening," Nic chided in that same quiet, harsh near-growl, releasing his shirt with one hand and letting it smooth up across his chest and across the back of his neck. "I'm keeping you, Lockwood." Which definitely wasn't the sort of behavior that was within the supposed boundaries they had? Really, it was very possibly Crazy Girl behavior, but some part of Nic was just messing around. The other part? Well, it was serious, and it made her hungry for his reaction. "If that's a problem? just hold still, I'll get your ass-kicking in right now and you can be on your way."

So, Caleb wasn't very good at the boundaries thing in the first place. He really, really wasn't. He had trouble doing anything halfway, and currently, where they were was some half way point, because of Things What Hadn't Been Discussed Yet. That just didn't really play into his frame of mind nearly as much as it should have. It was much more that he had to remind himself that they weren't something more than it was the other way round. And Crazy Girl behavior or no, he liked how it looked on her. Her eyes, her voice. "You plan on doing this how?" he asked, voice still light, even as he stopped dead, and shifted, back towards her more, so it was less her advancing on him now, and more on equal ground. "Just out of idle curiosity. I'm not that good at falling in line." he told her gravely.

"Doing what?" she murmured, her voice still emphatic but softer now. "Kicking your ass should be easy when you're not doing that whole white-boy ninja thing," Nic joked, pretty damned aware by now that she wouldn't actually have much chance of that. "Or did you mean keeping you?" she asked then, fingers at his neck curling higher to scratch at the base of his hairline fleetingly, "I don't have a plan, you don't seem like the type who fits into peoples' plans too well... I'm just winging it so far." Nic smirked at last, brushing her hand down his neck fleetingly and withdrawing it. "And it's not about you falling in line, tard. I'm not looking for a pet or something. Just..." she trailed, unsure how to explain beyond what she'd already told him. Unsure, or maybe just unwilling to say things that might cross the lines she'd drawn for both of them.

With her withdrawing, and the fact that she trailed off there, he swept the advantage back to his end of things, and he started backing her up, towards the support he'd initially pushed her towards. "You were the one who said you were keeping me...." he told her, tone edging more towards thoughtful but playful. "And implied if I had a problem with that arrangement that you'd kick my ass. So, if you're keen on keeping me, I just wanted to know how you were going to go about it." he said, stopping when her back hit the support, and he leaned both hands on either side of her head, watching her eyes. "What were you looking for?" he prompted, since that had been where she'd left off. Then he leaned in properly, towards the fading bruise on her neck, the one she'd pointed out needed refreshing.

Nic swallowed hard as he backed her up, jumping slightly when her back hit the support pillar. "This," she murmured, eyes fixed raptly on him, "I was looking for this." But that was a non-answer, a copout, and she wanted him to understand as much as she could convey. "I want someone I can take a swing at, but that won't freak out on me if I actually pull it off. I want... I want something I can keep just by doing what feels natural." He was moving in, the sparks dancing in his eyes as he advanced on her neck, and the anticipation raised goosebumps on Nic's neck and spine. "All I can do to keep you? Is the same shit I've been doing. So you tell me, wiseguy... what are my odds?" she asked, leaning back against the concrete with a dull ache from old bruises and reaching out to feel his hair under her fingers again.

He reached up to slide the straps of her backpack off of her, so that he could push her back flat against the wall. He liked the moments like these, and not for the obvious reasons. Or, not only the obvious ones. He liked when she dropped the play, told him the truth, in her own way. If he had to give her odds just with how things went with them? The obvious, heavy chemistry, the compatibility on almost all counts...he'd give her really good odds. It was just that last factor that killed them. And he was not of a mind to even start thinking like that at the moment. He knew it wouldn't be something he could hold off forever, but for the time being...at least long enough to breathe along her bruise. "Not bad." he answered her question, right before he bit her, to do exactly what she'd wanted, and bring the colors back out on her skin.

She knew that the rush of this, the addictive compulsion to feel his teeth on her wasn't normal. Nic just didn't care much about things like that. Her whole life that she knew of had been far removed from 'normal', so while other girls her age might like flowers, soft kisses, or a guy telling them they were loved? She wanted little dots of pain that made stars blossom in her vision. She wanted to think that Caleb was tasting her while she was feeling him. "Fuck," she gasped, cradling the back of his head as her arms slid free of her backpack, holding Caleb where he was, "I need better odds. I'm not giving this up..." There was a low purr of enjoyment resonating in her chest as she held Caleb close, running her other hand down his side and hooking her fingers through a belt loop of his jeans.

That was his problem. He didn't want to give it up either. Her. He liked her. Like he'd told Dean, he just...really, really did. And he didn't want it to crash and burn on him, like everything else in his life tended to. He wanted to keep her, basically. He took his time on her neck, though. Seriously bringing out the color again, biting in hard, almost enough to break the skin but not quite. Just shy of it. That, before he added a few other lighter ones, down the column of her neck, and pulled back, shifting just enough to kiss her. Which alright, he maybe shouldn't do. But he wasn't of a mind to resist anything at the moment, and while he sucked at this whole halfway thing, she wasn't exactly giving him the impression that she wanted him to dial it back. So...he wasn't.

They were supposed to be casual with it, weren't they? Allowing each other little urges and impulses, but skirting things that really defined people who were Together. It'd be easier if either of them actually wanted to, Nic figured. Because she most definitely didn't want to. She sighed into his lips as Caleb kissed her, pulling him towards herself from the back of his head to press him into the gesture hungrily. Her neck ached now, but was it from the bite? Or the absence of his teeth there? Whatever it was, Nic wasn't going to fight that ache, or the rush of the contact they had now. It'd be easier to do if she didn't know how retardedly well he'd seemed to understand her before any of this had happened, but since he did? Well, it just made Nic want to celebrate that insight in every way she could.

Part of the problem with going with urges was that they led to other ones. Strong pulls, like right now, where he was thinking about the fact that he had the car there. In the back corner of the garage, where he'd killed the lights and everything. And he really really wanted to drag her over there right now. And she'd just got here. And he'd just started kissing her, and there was just the one bite, and...he was in trouble. He knew it. He just was. No matter what happened here, something was going to mess up. And mess up royally. He never fucked up small, after all. He didn't go with the intense drive to drag her back to the car, staying where he was, kissing her until he had to break it to breathe. But it was kind of a near thing.

The urge to breathe wasn't a dominant one for Nic until Caleb reminded her of it with the small space between them. She gasped hazily, bumping her head back against the concrete and smiling in satisfaction. The boy could kiss, no doubt about it. Her hand drifted down his hair, fingers teasing the curve of Caleb's ear and traversing over his cheek to tease the corner of his mouth lightly. "Didn't pull you away from anything crucial at home, I'm guessing," she ventured, fixated on the aftermath of the kiss and how it played in his expression.

He had to give himself a second, and her speaking helped a little. It focused his attention elsewhere, and staved off farther the urge to drag her off. "Nothing that was really holding my imagination, no." he confirmed for her, absently licking at his bottom lip, to get that last little bit of a taste of her from it. "Besides. I wanted to see you." And now, why don't you do us both a favor, and remind me that we have lines somewhere. I'm sure they're around. Really. Someplace. ...I just don't quite remember where, and I'm kind of all about crashing through them at the moment, so...tell me to back off. Any time now.

The problem, of course, was that Nic didn't want him to back off. She wanted him in close again, biting her lip and making her shudder with enjoyment. Being told that he'd wanted to be here? Well, it made that urge worse. "I was hoping so," she murmured, touching the tiny dot on his neck that was the only remnant of the bite she'd left on Caleb. "So..." she trailed, smiling wryly as if to say they were thinking the same thing, "What, um... what do you feel like doing? Wanna go get a coffee or something? Help me pick out shitty horror movies to rent?" It was an attempt, at least; weak suggestions of things they could do aside from driving each other mad with restrained passion that was going to break free eventually.

Coffee? Movies? His first thought was Do I have to? Because he didn't want to. Coffee was just someplace out in public where he was gonig to have to behave, and movies...same thing, only then he might want to go someplace to watch said movies, and he knew himself well enough to know he was going to pay all of no attention to them. They'd just be on in the background while he focused on her. And yet he was also aware that that was probably the best thing...coffee, movies, whatever, just so long as it kept them semi in line. "Whatever you want." he told her in the end.

"Whatever I want?" Nic echoed, smirking at Caleb and shaking her head. How did he get to do that? It wasn't fair to put it on her to pick something that wasn't this but more. "What I want... breaks those guidelines we were trying for," she admitted in a soft, dangerous tone, "And I don't want you thinking I'm just in it for the wicked-awesome makeouts." But there she was contradicting herself, planting a foot between Caleb's to step nice and close even as she admitted to all of that.

Groaning just a little, a low kind of growl in the back of his throat, he buried his face in against her neck again. "Don't tell me that." he complained. "Please don't tell me that...you know the lines are fuzzy enough as it is, and if you didn't catch onto the fact that I'd really rather they weren't there at all..." He was fairly certain she'd caught that. Really, it'd be difficult to miss. He nipped at her neck, because he was there, and her saying that shit to him he deemed unfair, and therefore worthy of retribution of some description.

"You mean that?" she asked with a curious smirk, lightly scratching at Caleb's scalp and savoring the time he lingered in against her neck. "Hell, you must. Don't think I've ever heard you say 'please' before now... it's a little weird." With the bite he'd just given? She didn't feel even slightly bad about giving a little nip at the edge of Caleb's ear as Nic leaned back into the pillar again, guiding him with her in the slouch. "I don't exactly like them being there either, I hope you realized I'm kinda Special Olympics about you by now, Lockwood." But there were reasons. They just didn't seem all that pressing to Nic whenever she got a little closer with Caleb each time, and just as how they had started with 'nothing happens' and shifted to 'nothing official'? She was ready to move the guideline back again, for both of their sakes.

He couldn't refute what she said there. He meant it, and he had in fact said please. Which he definitely didn't do a whole hell of a lot, and not with her. Mostly because it was so much more entertaining to push everything as far as possible, on both ends. "What do you think?" he asked her in response to her first question. He might have commented on the last statement, but he was busy turning it over in his mind, weighing it. He did now she was heavily effected by him. Just like she blindsided him in a lot of ways. Hell she even kicked up his insecurities in some wickedly bad ways. Knowing that just didn't make it easier to deal with. Or the whole mental block over things. Like the knowledge that he still had to tell her, and he still didn't even know how to start.

Nic was quiet for a long moment, content just to linger on the two of them settled against each other and feel the easy rhythm of Caleb breathing against her neck. "I think you're serious," she said eventually, "And I know I am, too. You're a good liar? But here... it's just truth, huh? Like, even if there's shit you can' say? You just don't say it instead of lying about it. And I appreciate that." Nic smiled a little as she wound her hand into Caleb's hair, leaning away and pulling his head back enough to get a good look at him. "And for the record? Wherever the lines are, I might pin a bitch to the announcement board with pencils if I see them flirting at you at school. I think... that fuzzes the lines even more, doesn't it? So does this," she said, rubbing her neck where he'd bitten her, "Otherwise you wouldn't care if I covered it up."

Right, so, her saying that bit about taking it badly if he was flirted with he liked. He knew he shouldn't like it, but he did. There was just something about it. Some damaged little part of him that found it hot. But then again, a lot of the damaged parts of him appreciated a lot of what she did, or what she was about. He watched her eyes as she spoke, though when she mentioned the bruise on her neck, his gaze wandered, and he reached out to gently brush his fingertips along the edge of the darkening reds and purples. "I wouldn't have put it there if I didn't want to see it." he said, voice oddly quiet. He didn't confirm the fact that he was serious. She was right. He was. What he could confirm was another point. "I'm not actually sure where the lines are, honestly." he told her. So yes, that fuzzed things even more.

"I don't want them there at all," Nic murmured, caught by the soft tone of Caleb's voice and the light passage of his fingers at her neck. "But... I know where they're supposed to be? And I don't want them there any more." Still, at least in this case, Nic could admit that her wants weren't the priority. She'd made a good call when she stressed her desire to know the full score about Caleb, there was no doubt in her mind, but it was excruciating sticking to that call. "I'm tired of stopping myself, Caleb. It's been like...not even a week, and I'm sick of it. But we both need to keep doing it, don't we?" she asked softly, eyes searching his for any signs of the conflict Nic felt raging in herself; the warring urges to either give into the longing or to cauterize her feelings for the sake of keeping herself sane.

Caleb was most definitely conflicted. In massive ways. On several levels. Like he still had an inherent fear that things were going to crack at any given moment. That something was going to happen, and it was all going to be over, and it would be his fault. Because really, no matter how insane he knew his exes could be, he also knew it wasn't all them. He still held to the idea that the common denominator in the equation was him. He knew she was right. He backed up the idea, he understood the logic, and honestly, deep down, thought it was not only the wisest decision, but the healthiest. That just didn't stop everything else from wanting to rush in, take something that felt right and good. Let himself have something that he wanted, something that so far hadn't caused him grief. "Yes, we do." he told her, voice still quiet, and he dropped his gaze for a moment. And then he kissed her again. Only this time when he did it, it was soft. Slow. Something that meant something to him, even as he was already planning on drawing back from her when it was over--but he didn't end it yet.

It was a painful juxtapose; having a gesture that meant so much to Nic come attached to his words. She didn't want him to say that? But as Nic had just pointed out, he didn't lie to her. Kissing Caleb in kind with a slow eagerness, like she knew it a significant moment, Nic breathed in softly from Caleb's lungs before she pulled back. "Give me a reason not to have a line," she murmured, close to pleading as she lingered just out of reach of his lips. "I can think of a hundred... I just need you to pick one. And whatever comes next? No regrets," Nic promised in barely more than a whisper, feeling unsteady with the bare admission of how crucial this was.

His problem wasn't coming up with reasons not to have a line. His problem was he could think of one spectacularly good reason to have one. And that single reason...well. That meant everything, didn't it? And as much as he did want to just tell her that they could take whatever reasons and go with them, and even if she said she wouldn't regret things, he couldn't justify it. Not knowing just how much worse things would get later, if they went badly. Hell. Even if they didn't go badly, that was shit she needed to know, and know right the fuck up front. Before anything else. Before she really decided that she was going to keep him. He pulled back just enough to watch her eyes, and he reached up to trace his fingertips along her cheek then jaw, tipping her head down a little to press a kiss to her brow. "I can't." he said, voice barely audible. Then he did what he should have done a while ago, and he took a full step back from her, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

It hurt. Those two words made Nic ache inside her chest. She could feel the rushing empty feeling inside of her flood back to the surface as he took a step away, and Nic balled her hands into tight fists at her sides, stuffing them into the pockets of her sweatshirt to hide the way her nails sank into her palm. She needed that to fight off the threat of tears in the moment. Why? she wanted to ask, to scream as she hit him. Why hold back? He knew how great it felt between them, after all, why deny it? Why not trust that she was on the same level of the connection that Nic knew existed? But she didn't ask, because she already knew the answer. He just still couldn't tell her what it was, only that it existed. "I told you before, you can keep telling me no," she reminded him softly, biting at her lip as Caleb stepped back, "But I need to ask right now... more than I ever did before." He'd know what she was asking, even if she didn't do it directly.

Caleb dragged his fingers through his hair and took a few steps back away from her, into the darker shadows, and knew he was doing it just so she couldn't read too much out of his eyes. "I'll tell you, I promise I just--" He had to figure out how. And he already had gotten word from Dean that the way he'd approached it in the first place was wrong. He just didn't know what the right way was. Hadn't figured out yet how to go about it where it wasn't going to destroy things, or he just messed it all up without even trying to. "I need a little more time." he told her, knowing he needed to finish that statement. Because she wasn't a mind reader, and he wanted her to know that it was there. On the table, he was going to tell her--just not right this second.

He was hiding, that much was obvious. And with how she'd seen Caleb twitch or curl in on himself before, Nic shouldn't have been surprised. Maybe she'd put too much stock in what she felt, and that very idea was worrying. Was this how it had started with the other girls he'd gotten close to? Struggling to fight her doubting urges, Nic uncurled her hands in her pockets and grabbed a marker there. She didn't look away from the patch of shade Caleb lingered in as she uncapped it and drew a crooked line on the inside of her wrist. "You know you've got it," she promised, nodding dully. It was probably for the best; he was making the decision she'd been too weak to maintain. But that didn't mean she'd like forcing herself to be patient until the time came.

He watched her drawing the line across her wrist, and wanted to know what she'd thought there. What the mark was for, what was going through her mind, period. He drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, nodding to his car back in the shadows. "Come with me?" he asked, not sounding like he was that sure she would.

Caleb was nearly right. Nic's first reaction was to decline, to grab her backpack and walk around until night really started to settle in, but she didn't trust it. It came from the panicked side of her mind, the one that'd leave both arms streaked in black if she listened too much. Besides which, she knew that if she tried? He'd follow her around, he'd be there even if she didn't see him. And if he wasn't? Nic would still be looking. So she just turned and grabbed her backpack, slinging it over her shoulders and taking an awkward step forward. "Where we heading?" Nic asked plainly.

He was a little relieved that she didn't tell him to fuck off, and leave. He would have had to follow her. He headed back towards his car, digging the keys out of his pocket. "Anywhere you want." he told her. Since really, at the moment, he was of a mind to cater to her. Anything she wanted, around now, because he was aware he owed her.

"Just drive, then," Nic requested, shoulders shrugging as she moved for the car. She had to walk, if she waited she'd end up grabbing him or saying something else. Caleb had been perfectly plain about this, after all: he wasn't ready. If Nic couldn't deal with that? Well, she didn't deserve his time, or even her own hope that this could work. And she wished he was wrong, that she didn't consider things so much. This could lead all too easily to messing with her training, her desire to learn, and that was wrong. It'd mean she'd only done all of this for his sake instead of her own, or her mother's. I can do it, she asserted silently, rounding his car and slipping her cigarettes out as she waited on Caleb.

He hadn't locked the doors or anything, not having strayed far from it in the first place, and there was the bit where there wasn't anything in it worth stealing. So he got in, and turned the engine over, leaning over to open her door for her regardless of the fact that she was perfectly capable of doing it herself. It was just...an invite. He wanted her there, even if he was kind of wondering if he should bring her home, and there was the part where he was going to have to tell her that Dean wanted to meet her tomorrow too...shit.

Nic caught the door as it swung wide, steadying it and climbing in. For a moment after closing it, she just sat there with one hand on the strap of the seatbelt, silently debating. She made up her mind, and Nic twisted to one side as she leaned over, thunking her forehead into Caleb's shoulder and staying leaned there briefly. It was safe contact, and she needed some kind of it right now, just to anchor her against the tidal pull of anxiety. "Bet the island's pretty nice right now," Nic eventually suggested, sitting back and rolling down the window, then thumbing a cigarette to her lips. "No joggers or bicyclists or people looking to feed the deer."

When she'd put her forehead in against his shoulder, he'd turned his face in towards her hair, leaning slightly closer. It wasn't like he wanted her farther away. he didn't. He wanted her closer. When she pulled back, he almost tugged her back, but didn't. "The island it is, then." he said, shifting and setting out that way. He was quiet for a few moments, before he glanced back over to her. "Dean wants to meet you tomorrow. Lunchtime...my locker...okay?" he asked, still thinking this was just a weird idea, or...something. He didn't know.

Making a face as she lit up, Nic shot a glance of surprise Caleb's way. Until recently, she'd been optimistic about meeting Caleb's friend. But really, she'd had a lot of different perspectives until very recently, like five minutes earlier. Still, she just needed to remind herself that this was a hurdle. It could be cleared. "Setting up my business meetings now?" she teased weakly, smirking at Caleb fleetingly and glancing out the window as they drove. "But yeah, sounds good."

He winced faintly, keeping his eyes on the road. "I just want you two to meet." he said, like he needed to explain himself. "Like I told you before, he's someone else who doesn't suck, and I just...want him to meet you." That was doable, right? Simple? Not at all strange? He just kept feeling like it was, because he didn't do this kind of thing very often. So no matter what it was going to feel strange to him.

"Just fucking with you," Nic assured him, jabbing an elbow out to nudge Caleb. It couldn't hurt to try and get back to the banter they'd had before she kissed him, right? If they were going to try and really do this? Nic thought it'd be crucial to make sure they could be friends now that both knew what the other side of the equation was like. She just didn't want to have to wait. "I've been waiting to meet him, y'know," she went on as she let her head rest back, exhaling smoke, "The Caleb stamp of approval piques a girl's curiosity. You're gonna be there, right? Because I suck with strangers."

Caleb glanced her way, pulling up towards the island, and he headed around the loop near the breakwall. "Yeah, I'll be there, and he wants to meet you too. I told him about you when he was in England. he called this morning and woke me up, mentioned wanting to meet you so figured...sooner rather than later." What with the imminent possibility of Suck hitting the town again at any given time.

She had to smirk his way in pleased surprise for a moment. "You told him about me?" she asked, plainly not expecting that. Of course that drew up an urge to get close to him again, but Nic didn't think the option was on the table any more. She'd just have to awkwardly bask in it on her own. "Good that you're coming, I need a reminder to not piss on the parade or anything." She wanted to think it'd go okay if they were both friends of Caleb's, and if he was there? The odds would be much better.

"Yes, I told him about you." Caleb said. He'd done that and then some. He'd told Dean just how much he liked Nic. And about the fact that he wanted to tell her about him. Hell, he'd told Dean about himself, and then needed the advice on how to break it to her....she had, in fact, been mentioned. "Just...don't mind him if he gets quiet." he offered to Nic. "He's not the most chatty bastard in the world."

"Neither are you. Or me, for that matter," Nic pointed out, smirking wider at Caleb. "Seriously? If he's quiet enough that you warn me? We're going to be entirely communicating on body language, I bet. And I suck at that," she added, not serious with the comment but also not hesitating in chalking a line on her wrist. "You thinking we're gonna stay at school? Maybe the three of us could go start a rumble." She was finding her way back to a more natural dialogue for now at least, it seemed.

"I'd rather not, he was in a pretty good fight right before he got back to the states, so he's still a little bruised up." Caleb said. That and there was the part where Caleb was still pissy over the whole not being allowed to back him up on the Joshua situation. Which brought up thoughts and feelings he didn't in any way want to deal with. So...he just didn't. He pushed it back. "So y'know...might be healthier to let him heal up first before we go start picking fights. Plus if I get him bloodied up the first day back to school, I'm pretty sure his girlfriend would kill me." he said, quirking a half smile. But also introducing the fact that Dean had a girlfriend in there. For several reasons, really. One, his own insecurities, but another was just that if they were going to do that whole teaching Nic to shoot thing with other people around...she was eventually going to have to be told about Lullaby. ...and he was sure as hell going to have to tell Nic not to have a bad reaction to that in front of Dean...who he was fairly sure could carry a grudge to the grave if it was in relation to Lullaby.

Nic chuckled softly at that, eyes aimed out the glass as she nodded Caleb towards a little pull-away spot that fed into a cove among the rocks. "And then I'd have to throw down with her, of course, and you wouldn't even be here to enjoy a good girlfight." She had no real reasons to care that this Dean was dating someone, though knowing it might at least keep her from making the wrong jokes around him. "But since we're skipping all of that? We'll need to find somewhere to skip out to. Sticking around that dump is going to end with me slugging someone, for serious."

"And why is that?" Caleb asked, going where she directed, since he'd told her that they could go anywhere she wanted, and he was sticking with that. "Just can't actually handle so many hours at a time, without wanting to kill people?' he asked. "I'm sure we can find somewhere to go." Not to mention he didn't figure Dean would be that upset with the idea of ditching for a while. Neither one of them where that into school, or anyone in it, or any of the subjects, or...anything, really.

"That, and I know people will want to make some jokes if they see me chilling with two guys and this bite they should be jealous of," Nic explained, "If they do? Well, you just said Dean doesn't get to fight, right? So I call dibs on his slack." She chuckled softly to herself, grinding out her cigarette in the ashtray of Caleb's car. "Park up here, there's a little rock path that leads right out onto the lake."

He parked where told to, and half wondered if there was going to be trouble. Because Melia could be around. And...shit. Well at least he'd been dropping shinies for her earlier today. Still had some in his pockets. He killed the engine. "So...should there be a half naked woman around here who happens to know me...stay behind me, alright?" he said, knowing that was going to be weird and need explaining.

Nic just looked his way for a long moment, trying to discern the unspoken joke in Caleb's words. But he wasn't smiling even a little, there was no humor in his eyes. So... he was serious? "Which half is naked?" she asked softly, lips quirking for a heartbeat, "And why should I stay behind you, exactly? Is she, like, a hypno-lesbo-rapist or something who's just going to try and ravage me?" Whatever the truth was? Nic just hoped she could make it a little less unnerving to share.

"Not even slightly, and just trust me on this?" Caleb said, not twitching a smile at all for that. "She's a friend of mine, but that doesn't mean she isn't dangerous, and I just...if we see her, don't stand where she can grab you. Stay behind me." he instructed. "Chances are she won't be here, but...still." He didn't especially want Melia to decide Nic looked tasty. She had enough bites on her, and he wanted to keep them all as his. She didn't need chunks taken out of her by flesh eating mermaids.

"You know I'm gonna start a list, right?" Nic cautioned, climbing out of the car, "'Things Caleb Needs to Clarify' or something. And eventually? You're gonna get sick of me asking and just answer all of 'em in one shot." She leaned on the door for a moment, lighting a fresh cigarette and looking up the visible bits of the path from where he'd parked to the rocks that overlooked the whole of the lake.

You don't want me answering everything in one shot. Trust me, it's all too much to take in in one sitting. Caleb thought to himself. He got out of the car and walked around it, leaning against the car next to her. "There are things in this world that would want to eat you." he told her. "She's one of them." He shrugged one shoulder. "But I keep her happy most of the time, so generally speaking, she doesn't want to eat me yet." It was honest, if not perfectly clear.

Well, it was an honest answer, that was for sure. "And she hangs out here at night?" Nic asked with a line of concern in her brow. Apparently, nowhere in this town was truly safe after dark, if the time of day even mattered with whatever it was Caleb was talking about. "Dude, I rag on your preference for hanging out with me? But if you know cannibals you really need to reassess," she asserted, leaning over to shoulder-bump him. "C'mon, bodyguard," Nic teased with a soft smile, glad she hadn't run off now that they were here and talking.

He didn't say anything, though his mind went to dark places there. Like how the people he was associated with helped, sometimes. Because occasionally, you needed someone around who could disappear a body. Or people who just didn't have that moral gradient that most people had, and you needed someone to be that guy. Like Dean had needed him to be. And he'd taken care of it. but yeah, he just...didn't need to put that perspective into Nic's head just not. Especially not before he told her the truth about himself. He didn't want his own words coming back to bite him later. So he pushed off the car, and stayed close to her as they walked. "At least I'm a competent one?" he suggested.

"Way more than competent," she agreed quickly, leaning in for another bump against Caleb. And it dawned on her somewhat abruptly that before they'd gotten close, she'd been constantly doing that. Which probably said something about where her subconscious had been before, wanting to touch him. Nic was aware of herself, of Caleb's little preferences as she stopped at the first incline of rocks, letting him head up first, and she watched him as she waited. "I'm glad you're here, y'know," she murmured, "It's been a while since I got out this way, and as much as I love her? You're better company for chilling than my mom."

He quirked a half smile at her commentary, and he kept mostly quiet as they walked, but he listened to everything she had to say. "Better company, huh? I think you just like me because you can take out your aggressions on me, and not only do I not mind, but I kind of like it." he said, slipping back into normal banter, even if it was close to the edge of things they were back to avoiding for the moment.

"Well that's definitely part of it," she agreed with a light shove that ended with her middle finger aimed Caleb's way. Nic was smiling again, at least, and that felt good. This felt good, solid, reliable. "But it's only part, wiseguy. I need far more than a punching bag, or I'd just be down at the gym every day. Like... someone who can actually talk back. Or who makes me want to hit them, so I don't even feel guilty for it. And there's not a shred of guilt over you, Lockwood," she explained, digging out another cigarette to keep from smiling to much or anything.

"I'm just so nicely accommodating for you and your violent tendencies." Caleb teased, walking slightly ahead of her. "What the fuck did you do without me?" he asked, glancing back at her over his shoulder, ears catching the light crash of waves. And he wasn't thinking about just how damn compatible they were. How that just...seemed to perfectly fall in place and he'd never quite felt that on the level with someone.

Nic laughed at his back, eyes dancing with the momentary glimpse over his shoulder. She followed after, feeling a little breeze spring up off the lake and tugging up her hood in response as embers blew free of her smoke. "Dude, pay attention in the halls sometime. Fuck the classes, just the halls. I was like Genghis Khan in that shit, rampaging from one spot to the next. Hell, I bet if the faculty knew? They'd send you a letter of thanks for keeping me leveled off. I haven't been down at the office for slugging anyone in weeks." Because he was right, not only were they in synch, but he helped Nic to keep her temper in line.

That made him laugh. "Is that so?" he asked. "Well, I suppose I should count myself as special then. or at the very least, useful. Good to know." he said decidedly, nodding firmly. He slowed a little bit, because he didn't see any sign of Mel, and anyways, he figured if she did show? He'd at least have some warning. He also almost asked her if that was the only use she had for him, but knew that was a loaded question, and one she probably couldn't answer without them delving right back into the territory that they were attempting to avoid. Even if he wasn't entirely sure how well he was going to do with that just now.

"You know you're special, r-tard," Nic chided, feeling guilty as she reached out to muss Caleb's hair. It was another little action to look back on since everything had changed with them. Before they'd gotten close? She just liked doing it. And after, well... she loved the feel of his hair, he seemed to love the feel of it being toyed with. So, mindful of where they were now, she just gave it a quick little scramble and withdrew her hand. "And not just because you calm me down and prevent me from amassing my own mongol horde," she added, walking out towards the slope of the rocks with Caleb and sighing in appreciation of the lake as it spread before them.

He ducked his head slightly, but only after she'd withdrawn her hand. He did, in fact, enjoy that. "So it's my uplifting personality and carefree spirit then." he teased. "I knew it was that. My ability to make any situation brighter just by being present. I exude happiness and light, after all, right?" he asked rhetorically as he walked over towards the edge of the rocks, where the water met it, and he remembered hearing that the lake didn't really freeze over, because it was too large.

"Only for me," Nic said in agreement, stepping lightly over a rocky outcrop as she followed him, "But remember, I'm also uplifted by the sound of children crying. Take what you will from that." She eyed the slope of the rocks where they led down towards the water cautiously, considering as both hands jammed into the pockets of her hoodie. With the darkness encroaching, it'd be all to easy to miss a patch of wet rocks, slip, disappear into the water. And really? She didn't have a destination in mind, she just wanted to be out here, removed from the city and dwarfed by the scale and size of the lake, overshadowing her own problems. "Plus?" she added belatedly, watching him as she lowered into a sitting position, "Seems like you get a kick out of me being a bitch, so there's no filter I have to put in place. I dig on that."

"It's true, you amuse me." Caleb said, moving to sit down next to her, and had a moment where he had to figure out just how close he was sitting. What was appropriate, what wasn't...it was all relative, and not anything that say, was easily discerned. In the end he sat close enough to her that he was comfortable, but not as close as he would have wanted. "But maybe it's just having someone around who's just as cynical as I am." he added. "They say misery loves company."

She smirked at the old expression, bumping a knee to one side and off Caleb's leg. "I've heard that before, in fact," she agreed, smirking faintly and turning to look away from the lake towards him. Nic watched him looking out at the water for a moment before she turned away, voice quieter. "There's a difference, though. Between being a cynic and being miserable, that is. I know which one I am, and which one I'm not. How about you?" she asked without glancing over again, curling in a little more on herself to fight the chill rolling off the lake.

Caleb didn't answer her right away, mostly because he was actually giving it thought. He didn't necessarily know the answer straight off the bat, so...he thought about it. In the end, he didn't have a satisfactory answer, and he shrugged. "Sometimes I don't know. Both?" he suggested. "Can I have both?" He looked at her, watched her profile, and knew she wasn't going to like that answer.

"I don't think I'm the one to tell you 'no'," she pointed out softly, keeping her eyes fixed on the steady trail of ripples running across the lake. "Really, you sorta need one to have the other, right? So I bet I'm probably both sometimes too." Lately? Not so much. But she could understand the confusion, and didn't doubt that Caleb's secrets factored into his apparent misery. "At least it's just sometimes though, hey? Like my mom says, take the little victories. Not always being miserable... that's a fucking tiny one, but it's a start. So I'll take it as a win," she said, smiling thinly and digging out another cigarette. Chainsmoking helped her keep from fidgeting, among other reflex urges she wanted to stave off.

He kept his focus on her, watching her every move. "You said you knew which you are. Which are you?" he asked. "You sounded sure...don't change your answer just because mine's stupidly ambiguous." He hoped it was just cynical, and not miserable. He had his reasons for the misery, and they were long standing, and pretty deeply rooted. He didn't know how he was ever really going to work past them, and half the time even thinking about it was daunting.

Nic sighed in good-natured irritation, uncurling one hand from her huddled seat to flip Caleb off. "Okay. A; it's not stupid. Ambiguity only sucks a dick when it's used as a copout. B; I'm not changing my answer, I'm expanding it," she informed him, looking over to grin teasingly, "My English teacher'd be so proud right now." She lit up before going on, looking up to watch the smoke curl up into the sky. "I'm definitely a cynic, no two ways about it. And sometimes? Yeah, sometimes I'm down about shit. Just... not so much lately. Which makes no sense with everything in town, but there you go. Life defies its' own logical outcomes."

Thinking before speaking again, something caleb was slightly proud of himself for, he didn't answer her right away, even as he leaned back on one arm and kept his eyes on her. "I think that the people I feel the worst for in this scenario are the ones who don't know shit about anything. The ones who are sitting home, just not knowing what's happening, or what's coming next. Maybe you're doing better lately because you know the score more. And while knowing the score means you know just how scary the world can get? It also means you don't have to sit there in the total dark, jumping at shadows."

Nic had to pick her words carefully, because the most unrefined version of her thoughts was that Caleb factored in a lot. And she knew he would focus on that if she said it so plainly, when it wasn't even meant how it sounded in her own head. "I think so," she agreed, "Just... there's this pit? This hollow feeling with me every day. And it's still there, y'know? By now, I don't think it's ever going to go away. But starting to train, doing the research and working on everything makes it feel just a little smaller. And it gives me plenty to distract myself from that feeling."

He was thinking about when they'd been at the orphanage. When they'd been talking about shadows. "Where's it come from?" he asked. "The hollow feeling." he clarified, fully aware she could not answer him, or just not know the answer. He knew he had his own damages that he flat out couldn't explain. Places he knew still bled, and he wasn't even sure why. So he didn't expect her to answer him, but he had to ask, because well. He wanted to know.

She tried to puzzle it out, but it was as pointless as every other time in the years that Nic had considered it. There just weren't answers. There were moments where she'd felt it lessen; coming back for Caleb when he'd fought the werewolf, slugging a jock back in Green Bay who'd been messing with her friends, but it wasn't anything concrete. So... "I don't know," she said at last, looking down from the lake to the rocks in front of her. "It's just always been there. I think... I mean, I know I want to find out who I was? So it could be that? But it doesn't feel like it. Just like... something's missing, some part of me I don't even get to remember existing."

Caleb reached out, but didn't finish the move before he let his hand drop back down again. She wasn't looking at him, so he didn't figure she caught it. "Maybe some things are best left to the shadows." he said, voice quiet. "Maybe you don't remember for a reason." Which he knew he had blank spots. And he didn't want them filled in. He flat out didn't want to know, and if he could randomly forget about what had happened at the demon bar? He'd take it. In a heartbeat, he'd take it.

It wasn't the first time Nic had considered that logic, not even close. But just like before, she felt cheated. Robbed. She'd lost something, and even if it was something she was better off without? Nic wanted the choice. "I like my life," she murmured, oblivious to the near-contact Caleb had cut off, "I love my mom, and everything she's done for me. If... if it came down to knowing who I was or keeping her? I'd never know. I'd be happy not knowing, even. It just wears me out, you know? I want to know what I dream about, even if it scares me to the point of sickness. I want to feel whole for once."

He was thinking about something Dean had said to him. It was a while back, when the vampires had been raging through town, and he'd met up with the guy at the parking ramp he and Nic had started their evening in. He wracked his brain, but he was pretty sure his friend had mentioned a Dreamwalker. Not that he knew what one of those was, really? But it got him thinking. He was silent for a long while, then sat forward again, eyes still on her. "What if there was a way?" he asked. He didn't say what that way might be--he'd have to talk to Dean first, and if he couldn't do that through Dean, he was going to have to talk to his brother, ask about the poloroid, and if he knew anyone who could help in this capacity.

Even that possibility was a scary one to consider, no matter how much Nic might want it, and she looked over slowly. "A way?" she echoed, obviously not understanding, "What... what do you mean?" And what did she hope he meant? A way to remember? Or to quell the endless ache inside of her? Nic thought she knew one, but she couldn't say it. Being close with him? It had been more of a start towards that than anything before. But that was too much, too needy, and she wouldn't let herself do that to either of them.

"Can't say for sure. I'd have to do a little digging, but..." He shrugged, glancing down, then back up to her eyes. "I can do that. If you want me to." He didn't want to do anything if she didn't. It had to be up to her. He thought she was probably better off not knowing anything, but that was him. That shit wasn't in any way up to him. He couldn't make decisions for her, as much as he was apt to order her around in mid-crisis. He had a controlling streak, but it wasn't one that extended out fully. Definitely not to this.

Nic thought on that in silence for a long moment, gaze ticking across the planes of Caleb's face and the unreadable depths of his eyes. Of course there was a voice that wanted him to dig, to find out whatever he could. She'd be lying if she told herself otherwise. But there was another voice, a quieter one that matched her own in this moment that simply told her 'everything will change'. And in a world she still wasn't ready for, with a life Nic felt like she was really starting to live? She wasn't ready for that, not yet.

She leaned out gradually, planting a palm down on the rock between them as Nic leaned in and kissed Caleb softly, fleetingly. It wasn't passionate like the times they'd had before, it was a gentle, momentary connection she wanted to share. "Not yet," she whispered as she pulled back, "Maybe soon, but not yet. Knowing? I want to. But I've always wanted to. When I need to, I'll tell you." And maybe between now and then, she'd find some peace on her own.

He kissed her back, and drifted slightly into her wake when she pulled back again, but made himself stop before he did anything like pull her back over. Even if he wanted to. He nodded instead, thinking he'd figure out a few answers first, then just keep the information to himself. Give it to her if and when she came to the decision that she wanted to know what was going on. If he could even arrange it. "Alright." he said, giving her that verbal acknowledgement of her wishes. That he understood, and he'd respect them.

A smile flickered across her lips as Nic tilted her head forward, bumping it against his while they were still in close. "Thank you," she murmured, drinking in the mirrored level their eyes had for a moment before Nic forced herself to lean back again and started to rise. "C'mon, we should probably get going. My mom's already worrying, I bet," Nic said, offering a hand down to Caleb. She simultaneously did and didn't want to go home; longing for some privacy to really let her uncertainty out and dreading not having this kind of support to rely on.

He twitched internally, because he kept wanting to pull her back in. And he'd already made his choice here, he needed to stick with it. Wasn't fair otherwise, and with Nic he actually wanted to be fair. So in the end he just swallowed it back down, and took her hand, standing without acutally giving her any of his weight to support as he did so. He didn't let go of her hand right away either, and he just...looked at her. In that manner that said he either had something to say that he wasn't saying, or, more likely, he had something he wasn't doing just then. "Guess so." he said, far too belatedly, so much so that it nearly didn't even properly connect to what she said.

Stepping in closer, Nic felt a little guilty for a moment. She genuinely wasn't trying to push things in the moment, it just gave her mind some solace to indulge the little urges she felt right now. "You don't have to filter yourself, y'know," she told Caleb with a note of mock-reproach, figuring he'd bitten back some words just then. Nic reached out for his hand, twisting her grip around the inside of his and wedging both into a pocket on his sweatshirt. "And if it's just 'back up girl, you smell like cigarettes', that's okay with me too."

He gave the faintest of smiles at that, taking her other hand and putting that in his hoodie's front pocket as well, since her hands were cold. Or, that was what he told himself. It was purely an excuse. A justification he could latch onto. "It's less editing my mouth, and more reminding myself that I really probably should back off." he admitted. He just didn't want to. By any stretch of the imagination.

"Well, you can't now," Nic informed him, her grip tightening on both of Caleb's hands as she took her first few steps backwards towards the way they'd come, drawing his arms out. "Don't even call this something gay like a trust exercise, either. I still have two feet to wail on you with. And if I fall? You're going down too." Nic had no problem with justifying things right now, not after all the unexpected turns she'd had today. She'd take her solace where she could, and surprisingly? Something as minor as the warmth and strength of Caleb's hands brought plenty of it.

That got a smile out of him. Not a full one or anything, but something a little more genuine and less tense than he had been earlier. "So if I don't guide you correctly, we're both screwed?" he suggested. "You realize I'm probably not the best person in the world for this job, right?" he asked, even if he wouldn't let her fall, at least, not if he could help it, and he tugged her back a little closer, as they walked, just so if she did happen to start to fall back he'd have a better shot at catching her.

"Mutually assured destruction," she agreed with his first assessment, winking and feeling the ground under her feet warily. "It's the American way, y'know. And really? Trying to make me bail out on you already?" She sighed at Caleb, her own smile coming a little easier with the task at hand to focus on. "Read some history, Lockwood. Hell, watch some History Channel even. Most of the time the people who have to do shit aren't the best ones for their jobs, but we're all still here. Man up, buddy, or you get to explain to Dean tomorrow why I'm drooling all over myself from a concussion."

"I didn't say I wouldn't do it." Caleb protested. "Or that I wasn't capable of it...just that if we're going for choices here, I'm probably not your best bet." he said, keeping them going, and nudging her slightly to the left to avoid a higher outcropping of rocks than they were currently on. "Plus I might have other motivations. Shady ones that don't lend themselves to keeping you upright." he pointed out, flashing her a wicked grin for just a moment.

She was helpless against the way her hands tightened on his for a second, eyes flashing with a look that said she wouldn't protest. Nic followed his lead though, each step guiding her back carefully as she chewed her lower lip, debating whether or not to say something. He was just so distracting. But that was the point to some degree, she had to learn to get used to this again, to handle being around him and not giving in to her wants. "No walls around here, I don't think it's quite your speed," she eventually teased, slow and steady as she eased a foot down the edge of one rock to the next.

He didn't answer straight away as he helped guide her down the slight decline there. He also had to figure out just what he was going to say, because several things came to mind, of course, none of which helped their current circumstances. ...or alternately, they really would help, just not in the long run. "There are trees." he pointed out. "And there's nothing wrong with the rocks." he added, going for not filtering what he was going to say. She'd told him that he didn't have to...right? That was his story and he was sticking to it.

As usual where she and Caleb were concerned, that? Was unfair. And since he'd started it, like usual, Nic felt obliged to return the favor. She waited until both feet were off the incline and level again, smirking up at Caleb as her arms stretched out between them, hands still in his pockets. "Well maybe you should've pointed that out earlier in our nature walk," she murmured, abruptly tugging him forward and down the slope towards her, "Since here we are, moving away from the massive slabs of rock."

He stepped forward to make sure to catch his balance, even if he didn't catch it quite quick enough not to bump into her. Which could possibly have been on purpose. He wondered in the back of his mind if it was alright to kiss her, considering she'd kissed him when they'd been sitting earlier...fuck he really hated this blurry line shit. Especially when he was the dumbass who decided that the lines needed to be observed. Why had he decided that again? "There are trees up that way. I'm sure we passed trees on the way here. And if we're really hard pressed for things...there's the car..." Yeah he needed to shut the fuck up.

He really, really did. He was, after all, the one who'd brought them back to this point of uncertainty. But now? Now he was bumping into her, giving Nic a brief rush of contact as she stepped back from the bump, keeping his hands held and even digging the tips of her nails in fleetingly. "Hard pressed?" she echoed with a laugh, "Telling words, Lockwood. But I'll pass on the trees, I'm not about to get sap on this hoodie or something. So... since we're heading for the car anyway?" She hesitated, knowing that this would be torture for her to step back from even if she liked Caleb not filtering himself. "Let's just keep heading for the car," she finished, tugging him back as she started moving again.

He made a light little sound of something that might have been protest, or appreciation for her fingernails digging in for that moment. "Fine. Heading for the car. Check." he said. He just...couldn't promise he wouldn't do something like push her up against it or prop her on the trunk or...something. Right. He needed to...what the fuck ever he wasn't going to stop thinking like that. He just wasn't. End of story, he wasn't. ...which meant he was kind of in trouble. But at least this time he hadn't said anything else to further said trouble.

Nic wanted to point out that if Caleb wanted? He could easily aim her towards something to be trapped against. She was walking blind, after all, refusing to cheat and glance over her shoulder as they moved, putting her trust in him. But that was asking for trouble. And even if it was trouble she wanted, hadn't they just taken a step back from that sort of thing? Nic didn't want her memory to be right, but she was pretty sure they had. Still, she wasn't about to complain, there was plenty even on this side of the metaphorical line to be pleased with. Like the light bursts of pressure from Caleb's hands as they walked, or the way that he was watching her as closely as she watched him as they moved.

She hadn't said anything, and for him, that wasn't a problem. He was busy focusing in on her and attempting to tell himself that decisions he'd previously made were the right ones. No matter how difficult they were to maintain. He directed her back around a dip in the path, not wanting her to trip, and he tried to figure out where his head was at. He was kind of of two minds at the moment. One that wanted to push things, one that didn't. And there was a strange part of him that...wanted to push things but not necessarily in the kind of manner they were generally happy with. Which was kind of a scary idea.

Stepping lightly with the easy pace Caleb was giving her, Nic's lips quirked in a curious smile as she watched the play of his eyes. There was nothing direct to them, but she thought she could see the dance of thoughts happening as his pupils darted around slightly, just barely away from her if at all as he guided her around the turn. She wanted to ask what he was thinking, but that was just... not her speed at all. And she could probably guess, anyway. She might be wrong, of course, but that wouldn't stop her. "You game to hang out again soon?" she asked eventually, "Like... post-meeting Dean or something?" It felt lame, but so did too much silence, like Caleb could read the uncertainty of her thoughts.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm game." he told her. His voice was slightly quieter than usual, as they started getting towards the car properly. There was still a sharp drop down then back up before then though, and he slowed a little, leaning in closer to her. "Close your eyes." he said.

This is such a gay trust exercise, Nic mused, smiling curiously at Caleb as he told her to shut her eyes. But... I'm smiling. She sighed quietly, squeezing Caleb's hands again lightly and shutting her eyes expectantly. "What now? Everyone jumps out from the trees and yells 'surprise' for some reason I can't think of?" Nic asked, lips quirking at Caleb as she studied the little sounds around her nervously.

"Shhh." he said, still guiding her, keeping the pace slow. See, before, it had been fairly easy, but coming up right behind her and ahead of him was that sharp drop. He turned her slightly so she'd be at a lower part where the step would come in, and pulled her up short just before it. "There's a step down behind you." he told her. Because yeah, it was a trust thing. And he wanted to see if she did.

With most people, Nic wouldn't have taken the chance. Even with Caleb, she was loathe, but by now she knew she had to commit that trust. Not just for the sake of... whatever they were, but for herself as well. The world that Nic knew she lived in now would kill her if she handled it alone, and that meant she needed to learn to do this. "Okay," she murmured, lowering a foot slowly over the drop. Her shoe caught the angle and slid, hands clamping tight on Calebs' as Nic steadied herself, smirked in a moment of self-awareness, and kept working her way down.

He smiled a little, a little proud that she hadn't opened her eyes up again, and he shifted closer, one hand coming out from his hoodie's pocket, to steady her on her side. He leaned forward, easing her back as he did so, just a little at a time, so she'd find her footing easily enough.

Nic was smiling as well, the smirk easing into a more natural expression as she let one foot slide after the other to eventually touch down on level ground. She bumped a toe forward to feel the edge of the incline, letting her arm ease down with Caleb's hand still held to settle at her side. He was... supporting her. It was a weird, proud moment for Nic both personally and on a level involving the two of them. And she wanted to celebrate it. "Your turn," she murmured, yanking Caleb forward towards her, ready to catch him if he stumbled. It was all about trust, after all.

He hadn't really been expecting that, so he did stumble a little, both hands coming to settle on her sides, not that that was a bad thing per se. He also didn't have a lot of room to work with there with the lowered step down, and he tried not to rely too heavily on her--but did in fact need to somewhat to keep upright. "Am I meant to close my eyes now, or are you just going to pull me around at random and I get to hope I don't fall?" he asked, amused.

She finally opened her eyes to look at Caleb, keeping his hands at her sides. "You could close your eyes," she murmured, lingering in close, "But if I'm walking backwards and you're not looking? We're gonna end up in a heap." Was that a bad thing? Not to Nic. Still... lines. And she wasn't going to go looking to break them so soon, or that's what she was telling herself. "Gold star for effort, Lockwood. You can get it if you stay after class," Nic teased, settling her hands at his hips and taking a step back towards the car again, just....closer together now.

He had to admit that he didn't know that winding up that way with her was such a bad idea to him either, but yeah. Lines....whatever. "A gold star if I stay after class, huh?" he asked. Shaking his head, he leaned in closer, drawing her up short slightly by pulling her slightly closer to him, in his direction. "Close your eyes again." he told her, and he just barely stopped himself from nuzzling at her cheek, even if he wanted to. Well, that and more.

Shivering wasn't a good display to give, but Nic couldn't help it. He was so close, his hands were conveying that subtle strength in their grip on her, and then he was murmuring? So she trembled in nervousness for a moment, teeth closing on her lip as Nic blinked at Caleb. "All about trust, isn't it?" she whispered thoughtfully, eyelids fluttering before they shut.

And I'm never going to fully back you up on trusting me. he thought, a dark little voice in the back of his mind as he started the process again, leading her back towards the car, moving her around stones that jutted outo f the earth, around the harder path upwards, up the more gentle incline towards the car. He kept her in close too, guiding her with subtle presses against her side to alter her course slightly as they walked. That, right up until they got to the car. There, he backed her up towards it, but right when she was about to back into the rear bumper of the vehicle, he slid his hands down lower and picked her up, just enough to sit her on the trunk of the car. He leaned in close, breathing along the skin of her neck. His hands he kept off of her, placing them flat down on the car on either side of her. "Made it." he said, quietly, close to her ear.

Nic had nearly developed an easy feel for this. At first, having her eyes shut made things even weirder, but she learned quickly to feel for the little bumps of Caleb's toes against hers, to lean with every turn and press of his hands. She was confident he wouldn't steer her wrong or let her stumble, and then? Well, then his hands were moving, lifting her with delightful pressure. Nic gasped in quiet surprise as she was deposited on the trunk, feeling the muted impact of his hands on each side of her. The boy loved corraling her, it seemed. She wasn't complaining about it either, really. "A+ for you," Nic murmured in response, reaching up to settle her hands on either side of Caleb's ribs as she leaned in close, eyes still shut. She could smell him, and it was every bit as exhilarating as seeing the spark that would show in Caleb's eyes as she leaned in to breathe him in, nuzzling the tip of her nose along the curve of his ear helplessly.

He really had to wonder. Just how bad it would wind up being if he just...gave up trying to be good about things. It was so much harder to remember all of his reasons why when she was like this. When they were like this. Kind of like he'd forgotten why he didn't get involved in the first place. Why he'd been pretty adamant with himself on the matter, and it wound up not holding up in the end. And alright. They weren't technically involved, but...he knew himself. He was involved. End of story. He reached up, pulling back just enough so he could look at her. Tracing the backs of his fingers along her cheek, then down along the edges of her bruise and throat, he studied her. He leaned in closer, and knew he probably shouldn't kiss her, but...he was going to anyways. He just drew it out, didn't do so right away, and when he did finally brush his lips against hers, it was light. Soft. Something that conveyed that while yes, the chemistry between the two of them was bright, and a little unavoidable...there was something else going on with him too. Something deeper than that. He couldn't necessarily put that into words for her, but...he could always try nonverbal communication.

There wasn't as much to wonder about on her end. She understood the whole situation the two of them were in; Caleb couldn't say some things, both of them were hooked on the understanding each had for the other, but they needed to be strong enough to wait for it to be right. And she believed it could be, she had to believe that or this would drive her mad. So with that belief, it wasn't a stretch for Nic to read the meaning behind the soft passage of Caleb's fingers on her cheek and neck, or the unspoken sentiment that carried from his lips to hers. Nic didn't press the moment, fingers winding in the fabric of Caleb's sweatshirt as she drew in a slow breath from his lips. She didn't want it to shatter, or to end before it had to. because it did have to, this was... this was what neither of them would let themselves have yet. When she finally pulled back, a light, soft smile blossomed on Nic's lips as she looked to Caleb, gently running her fingers back through his hair, giving him a look that was a mix of longing and understanding. He could get that, she knew.

He did. Mostly because he wanted to pull her closer, and kiss her again. Already. He drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, eyes on hers. He was aware anything he had to say right now wasn't going to come out right. He rarely had the ability to express himself appropriately in the first place. So, trying to do so now, when everything in his head was overly complicated and tied in with so many emotional triggers in his head...that would just be idiotic. He gave himself a minute, not saying anything, and determinedly not doing anything he wanted to be doing, save for one hand found her hip. That was all.

They were sharing a thought in that moment, in that he wasn't doing anything Nic wanted either. The hand at her hip was a start, sure, but what she thought needed to follow it? Well, that couldn't happen right now. Not even if it was burning in her gut. Nic sighed, grip tightening on Caleb's shirt as she leaned in and pulled him forward at the same time, burying her face against the bunch of muscle between neck and shoulder. "I could stay right here all night," she murmured, giving herself the satisfaction letting her lips brush his collar before sitting back, "But then... I can't either, can I?" Nic sighed, looking to Caleb with a wistful expression as she eased her unclaimed leg off the car's trunk, guiding it down against his leg.

You're not helping. he thought to himself. "I might not be the best judge there. If it was up to me?" he sighed. "'Course if you did, then you'd be grounded again." he pointed out, going a little for some mundane factors that should be added in. Not that he wanted to. And absently, he ran his hand up her thigh, since she'd gone and drawn attention and everything. "But I'm with you. I'd rather not call it a night." Even if they should. They weren't that good at keeping away from one another. Not really.

Not at all. All the evidence was encapsulated in this day, really. They'd gotten close, withdrawn, and now? Caleb and Nic were back at square one. "Let's take the long way home, then," she suggested quietly, voice distracted by his hand along her leg. "I think if I'm in before midnight, I'm good. My mom knows I was heading to see you, and for some reason she likes you. I think it might be a brain tumor, or maybe we have a carbon monoxide leak." Mundane factors were definitely good, her own humor always helped Nic keep herself level when confronted by the enormity of the two of them together. "You know a scenic route to drive?" she asked, not wanting this to end. It didn't have to be a mad rush of heat and physicality, either; she was just as content with just... sharing a passage of time with him.

"I'm pretty sure I can find one." Caleb said. Driving. Right. Well, if nothing else, that would ensure he kept his hands to himself. And at least it would mean they could still hang out, too. That was important to him. He paused a moment, then gave her another kiss, because it was going to be the last one of the night. Or...something. Before they left here, anyways. Maybe not the last-last one. He'd want one before she went home again. Whatever that was his story. One more before he made himself step back and get on with that driving around thing.

Unsure why it was that Caleb got to keep giving her those little brushes of heat and thinking it was delightfully unfair, Nic stepped back after the light kiss with a smirk. "I figured you could," she agreed, gently disengaging from the closeness for both of their sakes and shuffling around to the passenger's sid of the car. Her arms folded on the roof as she leaned, resting her chin there to watch him. "You're a reliable bastard, Lockwood. As well as many other things," Nic teased, eyes dancing with enjoyment as she ignored the urge to be the one to make things unfair again.
He very reluctantly let her go and didn't pull her right back, walking round to the driver's side and he looked back over the top of the vehicle at her. "Never thought I'd be accused of being reliable." he admitted. "Though I'd be curious what 'other things' you might label me as..." he said, getting into the car, because he needed to be occupied with driving. Seriously.

Climbing in after Caleb, Nic tugged her door shut and eyed him for a moment. Don't. You know it's unfair. Don't make it moreso. she told herself as she watched him. And in the end, Nic managed to curb the dangerous part of her thoughts. She gripped her seatbelt like a lifeline, letting it draw out as she leaned between seats to speak into Caleb's ear. "Well, a bastard too. Not in the traditional sense, of course," she explained with a little exhale as she laughed, "More like... because you know how to mess with me, and you're always smiling afterwards."

Speaking into his ear wasn't helpful. He turned the engine over, but didn't immediately back out of the space he'd taken. He was having a rough debate on the pros and cons of dragging her from her seat to his. Only that would be Bad. Therefore he didn't. "Well, messing with you is always entertaining on one level or another." Possibly several. he added mentally.

"So I'm entertaining and you're reliable? Aren't we just two well-rounded individuals," Nic mused, sitting back and buckling in. She twisted in her seat, scooting a little under her belt and popping a foot up on the dash, reaching up to twirl one of her little braids as she watched Caleb. "Or is messing with me the only part that's entertaining? Because that? Isn't good on either of us. Means you're a masochist who wants me to get upset, and me? Can we say 'anger issues'?" she asked, just...talking so she wouldn't have as much room for her mind to wander.

He finally pulled out of the spot and set about finishing the slow drive around the island, glancing at her from time to time. "I like your reactions. Plus you never take me that seriously." he told her, injecting honesty in there. "Occasionally, my life is full of a little too much overly serious bullshit and it's a welcome break from it." Since most of the time his life was full of Dire. At least of one form or another, it was just...yeah. But things with Nic were lighter than that.

She laughed quietly, shaking her head at that. "Occasionally? Oh Caleb...." Nic trailed, her tone full of all the details she didn't need to recount for him. Either it was mundane things like his exes or strange normal female friends, or it was the much weirder side of life; his magic, the fights, and things Nic could only guess at. "If I didn't think it was, like, clingy? I'd schedule you some daily downtime with me where you could turn off the serious side of your brain, even if it was like fifteen minutes a day."

I think if you set aside fifteen minutes a day for me with you and it involved turning any sides of my brain off we'd be in more trouble than we already are. he thought to himself, but didn't share. "C'mon, if you did that you'd be sick of me in no time. I get broody you know. You've seen it. Imagine dealing with that all the time." he teased lightly, taking Lakeshore since it was a road where he couldn't drive over twenty-five in the first place.

"Bring it on," she told Caleb challengingly, grinning like she meant it. "Yeah, you get broody. So do I? And when you do, I normally get at least a smirk out of you. So... maybe I could handle it, who's to say I'd get sick of it?" Because if Nic was being totally honest with herself, those were the same fears she had about hanging out; that he'd get sick of her if she pushed for it too often. She leaned forward a bit, arms hugging her raised knee as Nic stared out the windshield at the lake passing by on Caleb's side. "You know I'm game," Nic added, shoulders shrugging, "Won't harp on it, but daily Caleb? .... yeah."

He ticked his gaze back over to her for a moment before putting them back on the road. He probably would have looked longer, only he still wasn't used to driving on snowy roads. His car was bad off enough as it was, he didn't need to hit a tree or something. "Think if I saw you every day, we'd be in worse trouble than we already are." he said, echoing his thought from a few moments ago. He didn't sound like he thought it was a bad thing, so much as he just knew it was an issue of some description.

Caleb's observation had Nic chuckling in agreement, cracking her window enough to let her fingers slip out and dance in the night breeze. "You and me... we have very different ideas of trouble, I think," Nic countered, smirking Caleb's way, "I mean, I get why you'd say that? But for one, I think we could actually behave. We managed before everything happened, right? And two..." Nic sighed, not really wanting to finish the thought. She pulled her hand back in, pressing cool fingertips to her neck to savor the contrasted feelings. "I know we've both got shit to worry over? But this... there's not a single damn thing bad about it."

"We managed before, but that's partly because you didn't know what was going through my mind a lot of the time when we were hanging out." Caleb pointed out. And now that they'd indulged on some levels, it was really really difficult to not want more. There was no real reset button. Things were different for him, and had been since she'd first kissed him. He didn't comment on the second part. Because of course she thought that. Her opinion might just abruptly change when the perspective on who she was sharing everything with came into play. When the D word shadowed everything.

"You don't think you could hold back?" Nic asked, genuinely curious. It wasn't a tease, or a challenge, she wanted to know if he believed he had the self control. "Am I that irresistable?" she went on with a smirk, "Because seriously? I think you've got it in you, you just... might not want to, for whatever reasons." Reasons Nic could guess at, and likely share with him. And while she wouldn't push, and wasn't disagreeing that it'd be a difficult situation, the idea itself was one that appealed to her.

Caleb didn't answer her for a few long moments, not sure how he wanted to go about doing so. Whether he wanted to go with something light, or just tell her the truth. In the end he opted for the truth, because anything else felt like a bit of a cop out. "I have a lot of willpower, but I'm not a saint. Hell, I don't think I'd even qualify as being boyscout material. I'm not necessarily on board with the idea that I'm trustworthy, either." he said. Then paused, glancing over at her before looking back to the road. "Beyond that? You and I...the compatibility factor alone..." because damn. Just damn.

The honesty was surprising, but welcome too. She'd asked openly, and hoped for something like that from Caleb in response. "No, I know it's there," she agreed, "And maybe you don't trust yourself? But you're not sitting where I am, either. It's just... I know it's good. It wouldn't be if you were a saint, though a boyscout? I bet you'd know some fun knots to tie." She had to throw the little taunt in there, just to lessen any tension of the open moment for both of their sakes. "All I'm saying is that if either of us has the reason to stop something, it'll get stopped. I'll crack you one if I have to. And past that? Hang out if you want to hang out."

"I'm not going to stop seeing you, just because of that." Caleb said. "That wouldn't be the brightest move ever, besides...I told you before, I'm not ready for this to be over." He still wasn't, which wasn't helping the whole needing to tell her things issue. "And yeah...you could crack me. But that would just..." he trailed off. It would just make things strange. And sure, he usually tried deliberately to get her to hit him but if she really hit him at some point, that would be different. That and it was her who'd flat out asked for a reason to stop trying to fight things earlier. So he didn't exactly trust her to not go with things if she really had the opportunity. In the heat of the moment as it were.

She'd probably argue it, but Caleb was most likely right to not trust Nic there. It was different in a calm, reflective moment like this where she could talk about how she hoped things could be, and then the reality of how she'd react when he was close and kissing her. "So... no dailies, I'll deal," she conceded eventually, sighing and shaking her head at him, "At least no private ones? If Dean's half as cool as you make him out to be, maybe we could hang together on a regular basis at least." Which wouldn't be the same at all, but she was determined to prove to herself that it wasn't all about the scary-strong connection they had.

"He is. And yeah, we could do that, or attempt to." He knew he'd feel just a tiny bit guilty about the three of them hanging out all the time knowing that Lullaby couldn't participate. Which had him thinking about the firearms thing. Teaching Nic to shoot. And telling her about Lullaby, and...he was getting ahead of himself. "...though I don't want to cut ous out of private time altogether..." he added slightly hesitantly, because he didn't. Trustworthy or not on either of their parts, he didn't want them to just stop seeing each other alone. That...no he wasn't good with that.

"I'm not saying we have to tether ourselves to Dean," Nic was quick to say, shaking her head, because she didn't want to sacrifice their time entirely either. "Just if you want to chill, and think it might get weird? We have options." Grinning at the stop sign looming ahead as the car slowed, Nic took the opportunity to lean over again. And she did feel bad for crossing the line yet again, really she did. But there was so much uncertainty on both of their parts that she felt like she needed to be clear here. So she bit him on the shoulder, through his sweatshirt, for just a moment. "And you'd better plan on me bugging you, it's not like I'm just gonna sit on my hands and wait for you to feel like calling," she murmured as she withdrew slightly.

Caleb shut his eyes for a moment, and really really had to bite back a lot of responses. And he had to open his eyes and hit the brakes again, because his foot had come off of it for a second in his distraction. He growled lightly, shooting her a look out of the corner of is eye before he shifted back in gear and floored it, turning to take the highway...wherever the fuck it was going to take them. There weren't stops on the highway. Or, there might be, but it was less stop-and-go than the side streets. "'Weird' isn't even close to what I think it would get."

The sudden jump in speed and Caleb's words made Nic think she really shouldn't have done that, and she frowned as she sat back the rest of the way. "Sorry," she murmured, going back to twisting the braid that hung over one ear, "I know 'weird' isn't the right word, I just still... it's still enough to stagger me?" And she softballed things more for her own sake than for his, but that felt strange to consider confessing. Plus, Caleb was sharp enough that he'd probably realized it a while ago.

"Things in general, or just how they get between you and I?" he asked, watching his speed a little, but mostly keeping his eye on the road, which was still snowy and he should slow down. He wasn't used to the ice bullshit. Sliding was still kind of frightening. "And don't be sorry." he added, a little belatedly, because he didn't want her to be. It wasn't as if he didn't like it. He just...his buttons were already pushed. And he knew there wasn't anything that was going to fix that. Not right now, not tonight.

"Both," she answered, resisting the impulse to try and study him as Caleb drove. Nic trusted him? But if he was new, he probably wasn't used to the potential for deer to jump out in front of his car, so she'd need to watch her side of the road for the telltale shine of their eyes. "Things in general... it's still a lot, and I know it's not going to suddenly get easier. So it's just a day to day thing there, getting used to the sheer potential of what's out there. You and me, though..." Nic trailed, leaning her head against her window, "I'm not trying to sound down on myself, okay? Just... wanting something for myself, something like this, it's new. Like I feel selfish? But I feel right too. Does that make sense at all?" He'd had plenty of experience with relationships, it seemed, so maybe Caleb could offer some kind of perspective or at least a glimpse of where he saw things.

He didn't answer her right away, giving it thought. Needing to give it thought. "Yeah, that makes sense." he said eventually. "I know the feeling. I know..." he paused, glancing over at her again. "I know what you mean on the feeling selfish front too. I know I do." But then again, he'd told her that. He'd told her flat out that what he was doing with her was selfish. Because he liked her, he wanted her, and he wasn't willing to give her up yet, even if he was aware he should. That he was being unfair.

She sighed, thunking her head lightly against the window and curling her hands shut in her lap as Nic spoke quietly. "It's not wrong. It's not. After everything here? What you've been through, Caleb, what you've done for me... it's not selfish. Not from where I'm sitting." And that was a firm admission from her end, something that went beyond the want. It would feel selfish, sure, but that seemed to Nic to be from a place of doubts and misgivings. She didn't want to let herself deny this.

You're not the one hiding something so stupidly major that it's bound to change absolutely everything. Caleb thought. She wasn't sitting there with full knowledge that there was something that really needed to be put out there. Something really not a footnote in the grand scheme of things. So he wound up not saying anything, jaw set. He had the insane urge to jam on the breaks and crank the wheel, sending the car into a spin, but didn't. He couldn't properly identify if that was a self destructive impulse, or just one attached to his inherent frustration at the situation.

Glancing over, Nic flinched just from seeing the tension in his jaw, in his eyes. She couldn't help feeling like she'd fucked up somehow, but Nic wasn't quite sure how, if she actually had at all. She wasn't sure what to say, if anything she could say would only make things worse. "We just have to prove it," she murmured, "To ourselves." I'm signed on for the long haul, Lockwood, she thought but couldn't say, because really? That implied far too many aspects of what Nic hoped for in the future.

He glanced over at her again, and eased up on the gas, slowing down again, which was likely a positive thing. "How much faith in me do you have?" he asked. And he almost didn't want to know. Because Leija used to have faith in him, and he'd always hated that. Maybe he was looking for her to tell him she didn't have it.

That? That was one hell of a question. Nic honestly wasn't sure how to answer it, either. She trusted him on a lot of things, but trust and faith weren't exactly the same. "I don't know yet," she eventually said, answering honestly the only way she could in the moment. "Overall? I don't know. On specific things? Well... I have faith you'd keep me safe, even if I wanted to kick your ass for how you do it," she began, thinking it out carefully. "Stopping yourself wherever my limits are? A good amount," Nic went on with a smile, "I might have vetoed some moments if you'd just suggested them, but I'm glad I didn't get the chance. But... I don't think you're infallible, either. Someone with as many doubts as you? Well, they come from some precedent."

That answer actually made him feel a little better. Some of the tension in his frame eased, not a lot, but some. he nodded, to acknowledge her views. Then he quirked a half smile and looked sideways at her. "Out of curiosity...what would you have vetoed?" Because he had to know now.

She laughed much louder than she had since the drive started, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "God, seriously?" Nic groaned as if she didn't want to answer that. "Okay... no one's picked me up before? So I would've done that whole 'boy do I suck' thing and said I was too big, most likely. And I've never been bitten like that, probably would've called you a sadomasochist if you said you wanted to do that. But if you are one? Guess I am too," she admitted, reaching out to give his arm a little squeeze.

He smirked, looking over for a moment, then back to the road. "I try not to think about what the proper label might be in regards to that..." he opted for. "I'm just going to go with I like what I happen to like, and am aware it isn't something most people do." he said. "And you seem pretty fine with it..." What had she said? That he needed to renew it? Yeah.

"See, that's why it's 'might have vetoed'," Nic pointed out, chuckling and working down a flush in her cheeks, since Caleb seemed largely unfazed. "I don't think the label applies, but I would've used it if asked before. Not quite the right motivators, though. And damn yes I'm fine with it!" she added in an enthused tone, grinning as her head lolled against the window, "Not gonna gush, but I like the mutual consumption." Since that's how she saw it, really; both of them fighting the urge to consume the other.

He laughed, just a little. "Well...that works then." he told her. Which he thought it did. Just...a little too well for their circumstances, really. Oh well. He wasn't going to trade it. He started heading back towards her house, just knowing the subject matter and all was going to not help his mindframe, really.

"Seems to," Nic agreed, enthusiasm dimming as she tuned back into their surroundings. They'd done what could be done to prolong things, since neither seemed eager even now to part ways, but it was inevitable. "'Course, I wasn't exactly complaining before. All of this just... makes things make more sense." That was crucial to Nic; if they were distancing themselves from things, or trying to, it felt good to know that distance was letting each see the reasons this could be a good thing.

That was part of Caleb's issues. Things with them felt like they made sense. They felt like they worked. He just didn't know if that was a good thing or not, if he should back off, or...what. It all came back around to every issue in his head. And how none of them actually had solutions.

If she'd had any awareness of Caleb's concerns, Nic could've shared her thoughts; how it wasn't about solving everything, but more about accepting that the problems existed. That was how she saw the larger situation, at least; it'd be easy to panic and only focus on ridding the world of the aspects that scared her, but that was impossible. So she had to learn to just deal with what the truth was. But none of that mattered right now. "Did you wanna come in for a few?" Nic asked as a proper neighborhood sprung up around the car, "Don't think mom'd care, as long as I'm in for the night."

"If I could promise to behave, I might, but at the moment, not sure that's in the cards." Caleb said truthfully, slowing the car down as he pulled up outside her house. He shifted into neutral, and looked at her, parking break on. "Even if I'd like that."

As much as Nic wanted to remind him that he didn't have to behave, she knew she shouldn't. Caleb probably already knew as much, but it was more that they both needed to refrain for their own sakes. "It's okay," she murmured, seatbelt unfastening, "Think I can get behind the logic, too. Does... that mean I should just jump out? Maybe settle for a highfive?" What she'd be passing up for the highfive went unspoken, but with them? It wasn't hard to guess. His lap was pretty damned inviting for climbing into, after all.

"Oh fuck no." Caleb said, before reaching for her, hand sliding towards the back of her neck as he pulled her closer, and again, he had the urge to pull her all the way over. He just resisted. Even if that was really high up on his list of things he wanted. He did kiss her like he wanted, though. He threw all the frustration he had built up over everything into it, too. So she didn't think this was an easy decision or anything...

There was no way she'd think any part of this was easy for him, but reminders were never wasted either. Nic's retort died on her lips as Caleb drew her over, smiling into the kiss and scooting farther his way into a sort of draped sprawl across the seats, half-resting on him for support. Yes, it was a goodnight kiss, but that didn't mean it needed to be brief, did it? Because Nic's return of the kiss was a parallel to Caleb's, pouring out the frustration she'd felt for most of the day, and that was something that wouldn't finish quickly.

He didn't really have a mind to end it right away either. He figured goodnight kisses were there to give someone something to dream about. Or something. He did wind up encouraging her closer, not quite pulling her fully over, but it was possible he put out there that he wanted her to. Sure, dangerous territory, but...yeah. He wanted to. And there was only so far they were going to go in a car outside her house.

Caleb didn't even need to pull her over, really. All Nic had been waiting for was the first moment where he might've done something to tell her without words that moving in like that was a bad idea. So when he didn't? She took it as a green light. One hand reached to grip the steering wheel as Nic crawled up and across the divide between the seats. She broke contact with him just long enough to draw in a quick, shuddering breath for confidence, twisting and sliding a leg over Caleb's lap before settling there in a proper straddle. "Goodnight," she whispered fleetingly before leaning in to kiss him again, almost saying now they could actually start the goodnight kiss.

There. That was what he'd wanted, and was happy she'd gone with. Because yeah, he really, really appreciated it. His hands settled on her hips and he pulled her closer, kissing her back unchecked enthusiasm. Really, if this was going to be it for the night, he should make it count. Or that was his story and he was sticking to it. He'd just...give himself this for a little tiny bit. She didn't seem to be complaining.

Far from it, in fact. Nic couldn't complain about much of anything at the moment, even if there was plenty of unresolved issues to consider. But then, she had a nice distraction right beneath her, firm and inviting and kissing her in ways that made her head swim. She reached up to cup his jaw in both hands, pressing Caleb back into the headrest as she drank in the feel of him beneath her. Why did it have to end? Why did they have to be in public? Dammit.

Sliding his hand up beneath her shirt, along her ribs, he pressed his thumb in against places he knew he'd left little bruises before. Not hard, just a little. That, as he nipped at her lower lip, and tried to remind himself that he'd started this knowing that it had a very finite possibility limit.

Things like that? They kept adding handfuls of minutes onto how long Nic felt like she could spend saying goodnight. The bruises were largely faded and healing, but the press of his thumb still rippled low aches across her body in subtly rapturous ways, earning a soft moan of enjoyment from Nic as one of her hands smoothed up Caleb's cheek, hooking around his ear and scratching across his scalp. She rocked down into him slightly as she pressed eagerly into the kiss, some part of her mind saying that things like that definitely hit the line of what they could get away with in this time and place.

Her actions earned a sound from him, low in his throat, and he kissed her until he had to break it to breathe. And when he did that, he was back to the mark he'd left on her neck, nipping at it, brushing a kiss with a surprisingly gentle tone to it after he had. Okay. Calming down was probably the best plan right now. Really.

"Oh god," Nic gasped in a fervent rush, cradling Caleb's head against her neck as he teased the bruise there, "Any reason you could think of to come in, I'd support..." And she knew there were plenty they could use, but none they should. So even with the quiet words of encouragement, Nic eased her weight off of Caleb's lap slightly to keep from grinding against him like she wanted, fingers twisting locks of his hair idly. "But... let's save them for a night we can use them, yeah? And I'll just... fight the urge to resume right here when I see you tomorrow?"

He tilted his head back and grinned at her, just loving hearing that tone in her voice. It matched how he felt, really, but it was still nice to know he wasn't alone in the matter. "You do that. Otherwise things could get complicated really fast, and we'll be at school in the first place, and we're meant to be meeting up with Dean...pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate that." he teased lightly.

"Pretty sure I'd tell him to cram Big Ben up his ass if he complained," Nic teased, leaning in as Caleb's head tilted back to tease his nose with hers, "But okay, it's a plan. Repression is also the American way, y'know." She leaned the rest of the way in, kissing him one last time briefly and moving lower to kiss the hollow of his throat as Nic reached out, popping the door of the car open with a sigh.

Caleb shut his eyes for a long moment, drawing in a deep breath then letting it out slowly. "Goodnight." he said, opening his eyes again to look at her. "Sweet dreams." he added, smirk lighting on his lips briefly. He didn't want her to go--but it was for the best.

"No doubt about that," she murmured into his neck, smoothing fingers over his hair again and climbing off of Caleb, feet hitting the street. "Sleep tight, Lockwood, I'll catch you tomorrow," Nic promised as she withdrew from the car entirely, leaning on it to look in and finally stepping back enough to shut his door. She lingered there with a grin for a moment, wanting to say something but not knowing what, and eventually patted the roof of the car before moving away. Nic moved up the front walk with far too many glances back to make her feel like she was playing this cool, lingering at the door before slipping inside and shaking her head at herself. This? This made her feel like an idiot. But she'd never known that feeling so dumb could also feel so good.