News

Who: Caleb and Dean. Then Oz and Dean. Then Caleb and Dean again. Then Dean and Luallby...
Where: phoneland, then the park, England
When: evening(in England)

Caleb was a little more aware of the time this time when he phoned Dean, sitting in his room staring out the window. He was propped on the sill of it, since it was right there above his bed in the first place, and he was just staring more or less sightlessly out, where things looked really normal. Or, the back yard did, anyways. His mind was on a lot of things, Nic being pretty damn prominent. But, he also just kind of missed Dean being around, and wanted to talk to the guy. Tell him about the magical adventures of running from werewolves he'd missed.

Dean pulled his phone from his pocket as it rang and checked the caller ID, before excusing himself from the room and heading into a quieter part of the house. That was the good thing about Andy's house - it was huge, there was always a quieter part. Somewhere where he could talk to Caleb about whatever he was calling for and not have to worry about being overheard. "Hey mate, what's up?" he asked, sitting down on the stairs, resting his elbows on his knees as he held the phone to his ear.

"Hey." Caleb greeted, glad he'd gotten hold of Dean. He'd half wondered if he wouldn't. "How's England?" he asked first. He could get into everything else in a second, part of him recognized the necessity of at least initial niceties. His friend had in fact, bolted to another country to get away from the bullshit of Marquette. And y'know. That whole murder he'd committed and everything. That too.

Dean thought about the events of that day. Hanging out with his friends that morning, heading into town round lunchtime, planning for Halloween... "England's fine. Good, mostly," he told his friend, not mentioning the tattoos he and Thia had got that day. Not yet, anyway. It wasn't really his style to actually be upfront with the information.

"And having a girlfriend? That working out for you?" Caleb asked, smirking faintly to himself. He had to imagine it was. Particularly with how Dean felt about the girl, and Caleb knew that. Had seen it, pretty often. So he was hoping that influence in his life was helping counterbalance the bullshit.

Dean grinned into the phone. "Yeah, that's working out for me," he confirmed. And then some, of course, but he knew when Caleb was winding him up. "I'm sure she says hi, by the way - she's in the other room though."

"Well, tell her I say hi." Caleb said. Then, little bits of nice taken care of, he got into other things. "So, have to admit here, I was glad you weren't in the country last night." he said. "There was...trouble." Then he paused for a moment. "No one got killed though, at least, not that I know of. Or, I haven't heard yet, anyways."

Dean's grin faded and died. "What kind of trouble?" he asked, seriously, his heart suddenly pounding. He didn't want trouble, he didn't like trouble - he'd been trouble free recently and though things were far from perfect here, having reality come calling suddenly had the adrenaline immediately kick in, and not necessarily in a good way.

"Werewolves." Caleb said. "Rampaging through town. Killed one, it was trying to get into a bar on third, Nic...well she was with me. And I learned that she isn't bait, but I think she's going to get me killed someday." he said, that last bit pretty damn conversational for something he was actually thinking. "But there's...I don't even know what to call it. An infestation? Something. There were animal attacks around town, and then the full moon hit."

Dean fell really really quiet, sitting very still on the stairs. He didn't know how to respond to that news, though his mind immediately went to Oz. Oz who kept himself locked in a cage on the night of the full moon. Oz who always feared that he'd hurt someone and never did. His heart was still pounding, but it was for a very different reason now.

"...you there?" Caleb asked, sitting up more fully and turning his attention back out from the view out the window. "I was going to say that I think next month it's going to be worse. The town wasn't prepared for it at all, and I'm sure that the one I got managed to wreck havoc before it got to us. And there were people that were in the hospital when they turned...I know there were hunters out, but obviously they didn't manage to quell the problem or anything before it got more out of hand."

"I'm here," Dean confirmed, quietly, though he didn't add anything else. He could hear Caleb talking about havoc, he could hear him talking about the problem. But in there as well was the fact that he was referring to these people as 'it', because Dean's experiences of werewolves had been very different. Because he knew one, he looked up to one and he couldn't dehumanise them that easily and the talk of hunters just turned him cold.

"You alright?" Caleb asked. He knew Dean knew a werewolf. He didn't know what kind, and he'd always assumed it was the type no one had to worry about unless they'd done something to ask to have their face ripped off over. It was part of why he'd not worried about Dean near as much as he did everyone else, since Dean...well. Dean Had Shit Covered, on a lot of fronts. Even beyond that gun.

Dean was quiet again for a long time. "No - not really. Look, mate - can I ring you back later?" he asked. He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all. He didn't think anything was actually wrong. Sophie and Oz were too careful for that. And anyway, if anything had happened, surely Sophie would have called. But still - he could see the ripples from this and he hated every one of them.

Caleb paused, then internally shrugged. "Yeah, I'll be around." he said. "Talk to you then." he said, hoping Dean actually did call him back. He was a bit concerned now, and wondered more about the werewolf he knew...right. He hung up, so Dean could get on with whatever he was doing.

Dean dialled Oz' cell and listened to it ringing, wanting to talk to the guy directly, rather than have to hassle possibly going through Sophie by calling the home number. That was the way it generally went for him - if he wanted to speak to Sophie, he called the landline. If he wanted to speak to Oz, he went directly for his cell. He hadn't dialled Oz' number since he left Marquette.

Oz didn't get a ton of phonecalls, so generally speaking when his rang, it gave him a pinch of anxiety. This time when it did, it wasn't any different. He was in the middle of walking through town, putting up little fliers. They were incredibly plain, as anonymous as he could manage, and he already felt like a target. Seeing the number on the ID, however, that at once made him more anxious, and kind of relieved, because he hadn't talked to Dean. He'd called Dean's parents every damn day, just to check in, and he was pretty sure that the both of them were sick of his calls by now, but he was leaving the kid alone to deal for as long as he needed. That didn't mean he wasn't going to jump at the chance to talk to him. "Hey!" he greeted as he answered the phone, pausing as he put a tack through one of the fliers on the bulletin board on campus.

"Caleb just rang and told me what happened last night," Dean said, without an introduction. "You were home, weren't you." It wasn't a question, Dean was almost positive he would have been, but he needed to double check.

Oz winced, reaching up to rub at the bridge of his nose for a moment, and he glanced around the university center for a place to sit. Which, handily enough, the place as littered with random furniture, so he dropped down into a chair. No one was really around, the building was mostly closed up today, though there were always doors that could be opened. "...I'd kinda hoped you didn't necessarily have to deal with that while away..." he admitted. "And yes, I was home." he confirmed.

Yeah, me too, Dean thought, but he kept quiet on that. "He said there were hunters in town," he said, instead. "But that it all got out of control." That was what had him worried right now, really worried - because he could see where that was going to go, and he couldn't see hunters necessarily going 'woopsy do, full moon's over, let's go off some other place and just come back next month' or anything.

"There are definitely hunters in town." Oz said with a sigh, propping his head on his hand, staring off into the building, but not really seeing it. "And this kind of situation...control is an illusion. The only way to actually control the situation would be to round everyone up, explain everything to them, and take steps to ensure that they were accommodated accordingly next month." he said. Or, kill them all, which is much more what the hunters would want to do. He wasn't saying that, though. "I'm taking steps to try and do that. I just...y'know, don't know who all got bit." That and he had to be careful not to make himself a target--which he knew was a risk he was definitely taking.

Dean took a breath and slowly let it out, not worrying any less with that. "Steps?" he asked, carefully. "What kind of 'steps' - Oz... If there are hunters out there. They're not going to go away. And - you and I both know that explanations aren't the only way to deal with a problem."

"Well, I'm not about to go running around town killing off people who just got thrown into a situation they don't understand and didn't ask for." Oz said. "That's pretty much what the hunters'll do. I've written up an anonymous flier, giving a disposable cell's number, saying if anyone needs help or information, to call it. No names. Funnily enough, I'm actually aware of the risks involved. I've dealt with the idea my whole life." he said, not actually sounding biting with the comment. He just...knew. He didn't need to be told. "I just can't sit back and let people fend for themselves when they don't know what's happening, and probably won't figure it out on their own, either. Unless it happens the hard way, and then they'd be dealing with killing their friends and families, and whoever else happened to be around."

"Oz - I'm not suggesting that you'd do that," Dean told him immediately, slightly offended that Oz would think that he'd suggest that kind of thing. "I meant hunters. And about the fact that that's exactly what they'll be out to do and..." He broke off. "What're you going to do if someone calls the number?" he asked.

"Try and figure out if they're really calling me to get help for their situation, or if they're calling to flush me out so they can kill me for the 'greater good'." Oz said, figuring he shouldn't really sugarcoat that one. He wasn't very good at sugarcoating anyways. Most of the time he was just straight forward--or as straight forward as he could be. He was aware a lot of the times his own mind and tongue got in the way of that. It just wasn't intentional. "There isn't much else I can do." he said. "So...I'm going to give it a shot."

"And if you can't figure that out?" Dean asked, suddenly hating the fact he was thousands of fucking miles away and had absolutely no control over this situation anyway. This was it, people were getting hurt, or could get hurt, and he was sitting over here watching movies and planning a fucking Halloween party with Andy.

"I don't know, guess we'll see." Oz said. "I'll be fine, Dean." he assured him. "I'm already thinking of setting things up so that it'll be safer and I'll know if someone's faking or not. Maddie'll have to get over being pissed at me for it, but I think she'll do it anyways. It'll be fine. I can take care of myself, and I'm going to make damn sure it never goes anywhere near your cousin, okay?"

In Dean's opinion it was very definitely Not Okay. He didn't like this at all, but he also knew there was very little he could actually say about it. He sat, silently on the stairs, not saying anything once again, his free hand fisted into his hair.

Oz gave Dean a few long moments of silence, before he started talking again. "It'll be alright. I'll see what I can do, and as for next month...I'll just keep thinking, and maybe Maddie can help on things. There's a little time to work with until this happens again, and you just...don't need to worry about it. It's all covered." Or as covered as it was going to be. "Would you feel better if I checked in or something, if anyone even calls?"

I'd feel better if you weren't advertising a way to find you to people who might possibly want to kill you. "Don't tell me not to worry," Dean told him, quietly. He always worried, it was what he did. He couldn't just turn that off.

"There's nothing to be done about this." Oz said. "Also, you're meant to be relaxing, and having a good time back home." And sure, the kid was also meant to be dealing with the guy he'd gunned down, but that wasn't anything Oz was actually bringing up. "I haven't heard from you--how's things going there? How are you?" he asked, pretty much knowing that that wasn't going to work out so well for him, but it was worth a shot. "How's Thia?"

"You mean there's nothing I can do about this," Dean said, trying not to sound overly pissy about it. And also not going with the change of subject, blatant as it was. He couldn't help it, he was majorly twitching right now.

"...there's nothing you can do about this." Oz confirmed, though he didn't sound overly happy about it either. "It's not your problem. And you shouldn't make it yours, either. There's probably going to be a lot going on with this, honestly, I'd rather if you were clear of it." And being in another country--that was pretty damn clear. Even if he still did twitch all the fucking time about two pack members being across an ocean. "This is just a situation where there isn't going to be a good end to it, regardless."

"It involves my family - it's my problem," Dean said, stubbornly. "Were you even going to tell me? Don't - you don't have to answer that. I know you wouldn't have. I would only have found out if things had gone wrong."

Oz sat there for a moment. Mostly because Dean had left the country to get away from Marquette, and everything that happened there. And...now that something was happening, that he was avoiding, he seemed vastly displeased about it. Ahhh no one ever claimed sense came with emotions, but Oz did have to give himself a second to deal. "Dean you left because you didn't want to deal with things, or couldn't, or both, and everyone understands that. You don't have to know about what's happening here right now. It's a situation that if you were here, just would have been hard on you, and...try not to worry too much about it, okay? The worst of it for now is over."

"I left because I wanted it to stop. But, it doesn't stop, does it? It's never going to stop. And it's still going on - whether I know about it or not. Is there anything else I don't know about?" he asked, leaning right forward and resting his forehead on his knees.

Sighing to himself, Oz leaned back in the chair, and stared at the ceiling. "Things are going to keep going on, whether you know about it or not, yes." he said. No, the world didn't stop just because Dean wanted to get off. It was unfortunate, but true. And the kid had made his choice. Oz just wished he could live with it better, since apparently, he'd gone away to avoid, and now that he knew there were things to avoid... Not the prettiest of cycles. "No, there's nothing else you don't know about. Things have been quiet. Maddie opened a magic shop, we've been fixing up the houses, the old one still needs some work, but we're close to being able to move back." he said, slipping normal things in there.

Dean bit his lip and made himself sit up a little as he replied, so that his voice didn't sound weird. "Would you even tell me if there was?" he asked, unsure on that. He knew that up until the moment he knew about this, he would have said he didn't want to know. But now, knowing - you couldn't take that back. And he knew now.

Oz was quiet for a moment, but not because he was debating his answer. More because it took him a tad off guard. "I haven't really made a habit of lying to you, Dean." he said. "If you asked and really wanted to know, I'd tell you." he answered. Which was the truth. It would be so much worse later if he found out he was lied to. There was enough lack of trust in the world, he didn't need to harbor more.

"But you wouldn't have told me if I hadn't asked," Dean pointed out, knowing he was being unfair there. He hadn't wanted to know until he'd been told, which meant that Oz had just been going with what he wanted. But then again, Dean wasn't always the fairest of people in this world. He was known for his tendency towards petulance at times.

Oz internally growled a little. This was definitely one of those times where apparently? He couldn't win. No matter what here, he knew he was going to come out the bad guy. Fuck. "Is there some reason you think I should have contacted you to tell you everything, or spilled out awful things happening, in light of recent history, where you happen to be right now, and why, Dean?" Oz asked, voice light. "Especially since all it is is shit that will worry you, and you can't do anything about anyhow? Even if you were here?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what you want from me, here."

Dean was silent for a long time. "Forget it," he said, eventually. "Do whatever you have to do. You're right - I can't do shit about it. Tell Sophie I said hi," he added, before hanging up and then sitting there, staring at the phone, half in shock about the fact he'd just hung up on Oz, his finger on the button to call him back and apologise, which was where his urge was, though he didn't.

Oz blinked when he suddenly heard the disconnect. He knew Dean was difficult to deal with, but--shit. Well this said to him that all the time spent in England hadn't actually done anything for the kid. Not if he was getting like this over things and hanging up on him. He wondered if he'd even started dealing with what had happened, what he'd done. He sighed, and waited about five minutes, before he made an attempt to call back.

Dean hadn't moved. He'd been trying to work out what he was going to do. Whether he was going to ring Oz back and apologise. Or whether he was going to leave it and phone Caleb, aware that if he did that, then if Oz phoned him then he'd be engaged, and that wasn't good. He was still overthinking the entire situation when the phone rang with Oz' ID and Dean answered immediately. "I'm sorry," were the first words out of his mouth.

Oz wasn't sure what he'd expected but an immediate apology wasn't it. "It's okay." he said, sounding like he meant it. "I know that you're stressed out. I know that there's a lot to deal with, and...well I know about feeling certain ways not adding up with logic and everything. I just--are you okay? Do you want to talk about this, if you want to, I'm here to do that." he said. "I didn't mean to piss you off."

"I'm okay, I just - I worry. That's all. And - I don't want you getting hurt, Oz," Dean told him with all honesty. Especially when there was nothing he, Dean, could do about it. He hadn't felt this helpless on a long time.

That made Oz smile a little bit. "I know you don't. I'll be alright. I'm going to take every precaution I can. I want to help, I don't want to bring hunters down on everyone. You know I wouldn't do anything that I thought would get your cousin or anyone hurt. Like I said...I'm going to try and be as careful about this as I can be, and if it means never meeting people face to face, there can be that too. I just...don't want this ending in blood and tears for whole families, when they didn't ask for this. Can't do it. So...hopefully I can help people, and keep safe while I'm at it. But I'm not going to rush in, or not think it through."

"Good," Dean said, after a long moment of silence. He had to believe Oz in that. He at least believed the intention, though he knew it could play out very differently. He still wasn't happy about this situation, but right now, there was nothing that could achieve that.

"If anything happens...you'll be told." Oz said. And he worded it like that, just to avoid the 'well what if you aren't around to tell me' of it all. He knew it was a possibility. It just flat out was. No matter what kind of ideas he had about being careful. In the end, he was a werewolf, and it was open season right now in town. He just hoped it didn't come to that, and the worry about it didn't outweigh Oz's internal drive to help people if they needed it. Not with the life he'd lived.

"Right," Dean said, not sounding in the least bit happier as he caught the wording of that. He closed his eyes and rested his head against his knees, his brain far too loud right now.

"It'll be okay." Oz said. "You need anything, or...want anything, or...?" he asked, wanting to try and make this easier, even if he knew that wasn't possible. Dean was going to worry, and that was pretty much it. He couldn't even tell him he didn't have cause to--because he did.

"No," Dean told him, knowing there was nothing he wanted or needed that Oz could give him right now. Or, rather, that the werewolf would give him right now, and he wouldn't ask for things that would just make matters more difficult.

"Let me know if that changes." Oz said. "And just...keep me posted anyways. I've missed you. Thia too. Tell her I say hi." he said. Not that he didn't know what was up with them, he got reports from Sophie and there was the calling his parents thing. So he was up on the situation, it was just different than actually speaking to Dean.

"...Missed you too," Dean said, still curled up, not caring that maybe his voice sounded funny anymore. He was just massively unhappy right now. That had to stop - he needed to pull himself together. Curling up into a ball and playing five year old didn't work. Shit didn't go away if you hid from it. He knew this, he needed to just get over it.

"...are you going to be okay?" Oz asked, because he did sound funny, and he knew right now he was vastly unhappy. He could hear that loud and clear. "I worry." Which Dean knew in the first place too, but stating it aloud couldn't hurt anything.

"I'm working on it," Dean told him - referencing both right this minute and generally on a larger scale of things. That seemed to be the focus of his entire life right now: working towards being okay.

"Good. Let me know if there's anything I can do." Oz said, about as helpless to help Dean as Dean was to help him in their respective situations. He still hoped that the dream he'd done with Billy had helped Dean in the long run, but it was...well. It was a toss up, wasn't it? No one was ever really going to know one way or the other.

"I will," Dean said, quietly, though he knew that was a limited promise. He'd only ask if it was something he already knew Oz would feel happy doing. Right now, that ruled out so much.

Quiet for a few moments, Oz just listened to Dean breathing. He felt bad, and wished that Dean hadn't been told about the situation. It would make everything easier on Dean, anyways. He was glad that there didn't seem to be any immediate plans to return, to deal with this stuff. He wouldn't have wanted Dean involved in any way anyhow.

Dean didn't want to hang up, because he'd hung up on the guy before. If the call was going to end, Oz would end it, but he didn't know if there was anything else to say either. He knew he really, really needed to get his shit together right now. Oz was a big boy, he could handle himself. Shit, he was Dean's guardian, not the other way round. But still, when it came right down to it, Dean wasn't good at letting go when it came to people he cared about. And he wasn't very good at not being in control of a situation.

"I'll talk to you soon, hopefully. Give a call whenever you want. I'll be around." Oz told Dean, feeling the need to put that in there. "I'm going to get going for now. Have a good...night, or whatever time it is there." he added, standing back up, not really wanting to hang up either. Severing the connection while understanding all too well that things were Not Okay was hard for him.

"'Kay," Dean said, his voice small as he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. That was a nice, simple thing to concentrate on right now.

Oz hesitated another few moments, before he exhaled. "Bye, Dean." he said, and made himself hang up. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Could he call Thia and tell her to go find Dean wherever he was and take care of him? Was that allowed? Was Thia even there with her phone? Could he talk Billy into another dream-jaunt? Grr. He really really detested not being near enough to Dean to be there like he should be. It went against every instinct he had. Fuck. Walking out of the building, he knew he had fliers to put up around town some more...and he was glad it wasn't a task that required concentration, because his mind was firmly elsewhere.

Dean said nothing as he heard the phone go dead. He stayed where he was for a few minutes, still just breathing, trying to get his head in order. Eventually he sat up and opened his eyes, turning so that he was sat on the stairs with his head against the wall, facing the banisters. He took another couple of minutes, not rushing anything, and then he dialled Caleb's number again, listening until it connected. "I need you to do something for me," he said, without any preamble at all, the moment Caleb picked up.

Caleb had been waiting for Dean to call back, kind of getting edgier and edgier the longer it took. So when it did ring again, he picked it up immediately. "What's that?" he asked, thinking last time Dean called him and needed him to do something, it was to hide a corpse. And he'd done that. Again, he was reminded of the whole..heritage issue, and how he wanted to be able to trust Dean with it, or felt obligated. That idea had faded some into the background since his friend had hopped the country, but he was reminded of it now.

"Oz has got it into his head to try and help," Dean told him, not considering whether he could trust Caleb for a moment. Of course he could, he knew that. "He's putting up flyers around town with a number for people to call, if they were attacked. He wants to try and get to anyone newly turned before anything happens, but hunters are going to be looking as well. He says the number's untraceable, that he'll take precautions with any meets, but... Can you just keep an eye out? An ear to the ground? I don't know if there's anything you can do, but... I'd really appreciate it."

Caleb paused for a few moments. "Nic's mother works at the hospital, she's a nurse and she was there when everything went down. I was going to try and get a list off of her, of people who were attacked but didn't have to be mopped up off of the floor. Would that help?" he asked. "And beyond that, I can try to be paying attention to shit. Anything specific you want me to be doing, or just paying attention to if I hear anything to do with...Oz you said? You realize I never met the guy, right?" he asked. Or anyone Dean had in the family. He knew of them and shit, but hadn't exactly been by for dinner.

"A list would help, yeah," Dean agreed, feeling a little better at that. "If you can shoot me an email, I can pass it on, he can cross check it - there's no way I'm gonna be able to talk him out of doing anything," Dean said, sounding very much like he wished he could. "And I know you never met him, I just... I dunno. I - I'm here and there's fuck all I can do, y'know? And there's a finite number of people I trust. And then take off that the ones who I think can actually do shit? And... Sorry mate, but you're it. No pressure or anything. Like I said, I don't even know what you can do, just... Do what you can. And I already owe you big time, so... Just run a tab, okay?"

"You don't have to explain to me why you want it done, man." Caleb said. "I get it. And a tab--right. How about you not worry about that, and I'll just try and figure out what I can do to help the situation out at all. No guarantees that I'll be able to figure anything out in the first place, but I'll give it a shot." He paused. "Might be able to ask Math or Dor if they've heard anything on the hunter's circuit. Or if they could tell me if they did."

"That would be good - I just... Fuck. If you were a hunter and looking for a werewolf, wouldn't you go for a handy phone number?" Dean suggested. "I mentioned I fucking hate this, right? Oz is... There's really no one else. My cousin's only good for patching up wounds and defensive stuff - making sure that nobody gets in in the first place, which isn't going to be happening here - he's going out to find this shit. And their friends? Okay, sure, one of them's a witch and... she can probably do shit, but - generally defensive again. And anyway, she's pregnant. Hardly front line. The other's a dreamwalker and he's... Apparently very good at what he does, but waking? I've seen him, he's a wet lettuce. Oz' backup is me. And I'm here."

Caleb took all that in, basically just letting Dean get that all off of his chest. "I'll see what I can do." he said. "I'll talk to my brothers, I'll talk to Nic, and...yeah, we'll see." he promised. He really wasn't sure what to do other than what he'd suggested, but he could at least make an attempt. "You coming home then, or...?" he asked, since he wasn't sure what Dean was thinking on that score.

Dean didn't say anything. He closed his eyes again. He didn't want this, he didn't want any of this - this was meant to be a break, this was meant to be him getting away, but it had all followed him and he could feel the pressure coming to bear once more. "I... don't know," he said, finally.

"Alright." Caleb said, dismissing it. Sure, he'd been kind of hopeful about that, but he didn't sound disappointed. He just sounded normal. "I'll keep you posted either way." he said. Then paused. "...so, should I just not have mentioned all of this shit?" he had to ask, because that was now occurring to him. A little damn late, though, wasn't it?

"No, no, it's fine, I... Things don't stop happening just cos you don't know about it, y'know." They would have kept it from him. And maybe he would have felt better. But it wouldn't have been real. Like nothing else here was fucking real. Was anything in his life anymore actually real? Or was all this one huge living dream? Thia - he had to believe that Thia was real. No, more than believe - he knew she was real. And he knew he was still clinging to that.

"Well, no, but...hardly the point, right?" Caleb asked. "It's not happening to you. You're safe, at least. I don't know. Anyways...sorry if I fucked up there." he said, since he didn't know if he had or not, but he was figuring that he might as well get an apology out there anyhow. He didn't especially want to keep Dean driven away for an even longer time. That would just suck.

"No, it's the point. It doesn't matter if it's happening to me or not. It's still happening to people I give a shit about," Dean corrected, firmly, his brow wrinkling.

"...well, now you know, then." Caleb said, still not entirely sure that he hadn't fucked up there. Really, that was just kinda the way it was seeming to him, but he wasn't going to overly stress about it. Because hey. Dean had said he wasn't coming back, or he didn't know if he was. Which made Caleb worry in a way. Thinking about if Dean's statement there meant he wasn't ever coming back. But he couldn't exactly ask that at current. Plus, he didn't want to influence that decision. He'd been glad that Dean hadn't been in Marquette at the time, and he still was. He missed the guy, yes, but...well. England might be safer. He was pretty sure Dean would have said by now if anything fucked up had happened.

"Yeah, now I know," Dean agreed, not adding any more in. He knew he should probably make small talk. He knew he should probably... gush about Thia or some bollocks like that. But right now, right now he didn't feel like it. It would taste like ashes in his mouth.

"...want me to let you go?" Caleb asked. Because Dean was being spectacularly quiet, and Caleb wasn't especially good on the phone to begin with. So...

"I... Sorry, mate. Kinda distracted, I just...." Yeah. If Caleb asked questions, Dean would try and answer them, but he wasn't exactly in a chatty mood. He'd been glad to hear from the guy earlier, but that was earlier.

"It's fine." Caleb said, letting Dean off the hook right away. He got it. Sometimes things derailed you and that was it. Then he was left with the awkward silence after that, because Dean hadn't actually said one way or another if he did want to be let go. Awesome. "How're you doing, anyways?" he asked. "I didn't only call to tell you I was glad you were not here for the bullshit."

"Yeah - I'm, good, I guess," Dean said, feeling guilty about that now that he knew there was shit going down. "Nothing much going on here, really," he added.

"Well, that's good." Caleb said genuinely. Not having to deal with shit was probably a big plus right now. Other than Dean'd hooked up with Thia. Which...he supposed he could ask about. "How's the having a girlfriend of it all?" he asked. "That going well, at least?"

Dean tried, he really did - he just couldn't put the heart into it that would have normally come naturally. "Yeah, that's good. She's fine. Really," he said, his mind still on the situation with Oz he could do nothing about.

Caleb was quiet for a minute at that. "Fine. Well...that's great to hear. Look, you're obviously really distracted right now, why don't you call me back when you're less so?" he asked, not sounding pointed about it. "Right now that came off like you're fantastically disappointed in the reality of dating the girl of your dreams, which, if that's the case, then go on, but I just kind of think you're not really in this conversation. So...why don't you call me back when you're less worried about the werewolf shit?"

"I..." Dean started to protest, but he knew it was right. He stopped and took a breath. "Sorry, I just... Yeah. Look, if you want that kind of stuff - she wants to dress up for Halloween with a collar round her neck saying she belongs to me..." Dean offered, since the guy was obviously fishing.

Figuring more that Dean was just going to hang up, that information was a little surprising. ...but then again, it was in general because that was...erm. Interesting. So Caleb blinked. "She does?" he asked. "That's...got to be compelling as fucking hell." he decided, thinking about if a girl ever did that for him. But then he was kind of a creepy possessive person, so maybe that was just telling of what kind of shit got him going...right.

Really? I thought it was just being me being kinda creepy... Dean thought to himself. Because, yes, actually, that had been as compelling as fucking hell when she'd said she wanted to do that on the back of him suggesting she go with a cat costume for Halloween. "I... Yeah," he admitted, feeling self-conscious.

"She's...er..." Caleb said, still trying to wrap his head round it. "She's got kind of a really, really hidden wild streak, doesn't she?" he asked. Because he couldn't not. "I mean, I won't pretend I know her well or anything, but that...um...yeah." he said. Yeah. He was thinking if a girl did anything like that for him... He was just creepy. End of story. How did Dean wind up with a girl who was sweet on the outside and apparently like that beneath the surface?

"I... Well, I kinda, I mean - I just... She wanted a costume for Halloween, so I suggested a cat. And it just.... kinda went from there," he said, feeling really self-conscious then. He hadn't really thought of it as Thia having wild streak. Yes, okay, he found the idea of her wandering round with a collar with his name on it probably far too appealing to be normal and acceptable - or so he'd thought until he'd mentioned it to Caleb at least. But, still, even then, he - she'd just been talking about her costume, right? She'd gone all out with the last one at least.

Caleb laughed a bit at that. "Yeah, and most chicks would just get a tight, short outfit, throw on some cat ears and call it good." he said to Dean. "But that? Jesus. How the fuck did you get lucky like that? Seriously. I mean...I tend to like a girl who's got an innocence about her, but you don't usually get that wrapped up in the same package as a girl who wants to wear a fucking collar with your name on it." he said. "...she's a keeper, then. I...really wouldn't have guessed that about her." he paused. "If she swallows, I'd say she's damn near perfect." He didn't mention that in the current circumstances of the world and all, her ability to not die added to that. Not having a girlfriend you could lose to horrifying death was a perk, certainly.

Dean spluttered a little at that, though, really - he couldn't deny he'd at least wondered on that himself. Not that he actually knew, but... He wouldn't mind finding out. "I... It's... Just a joke, probably, I mean, I..." Yeah, she didn't mean it like that, it was just a silly thing and just cos it appealed didn't mean that... He was just weird. He knew this, he'd deal with this. Just the idea of her being there and being his and - he'd thought about this far too long and it was clouding his brain.

"Costume excuse or not, if she does it?" Caleb continued, still shaking his head. "Damn. And not sure if it was a joke if that would even matter..." Because it would still be there, and still be compelling, and yeah he was never going to have a girl like that. ...he wasn't thinking about Nic in a collar or anything. Really. Though it was the tag that was the kicker.

"No?" Dean asked, not sounding too sure about that. He'd kinda decided through the day that it was just him, and the fact that it really fucking appealed to him was just him being weird, but now... Maybe it wasn't, which, he had to admit, was nicely distracting from the stress of everything in Marquette at least.

"Fuck no." Caleb said. "Because she'd have it. And if it's got your name on it, I'm assuming that it's not something from a shop that's getting returned, so she'll just...own a fucking collar with a tag that says she's yours." he continued. "That's...how'd you get so lucky there? Seriously now. That's...yeah. So shit, no, it wouldn't matter even if it was a joke because she'd have a tag that--shutting up now."

Dean laughed a little, though it was quiet and almost relieved-sounding. "I..." He smiled slightly and laughed a little more. "I kinda thought it was just me," he admitted. "I mean, it is... Yeah, that's..." he trailed off again, not wanting to commit to an actual solid opinion there, but hoping Caleb would get what he meant.

"It's not just you." Caleb confirmed. "That's...have fun on Halloween." he said. "Because yeah. You just...make sure you take advantage of it, on behalf of every guy out there who doesn't have a girlfriend who wouldn't slap him upside the head for even suggesting shit like that."

"Hey, mate - not my suggestion," Dean averred. "She asked me about costume suggestions for Halloween and I suggested a cat. The whole collar shit was her idea. Seriously, I mean, she nearly floored me with it..." Dean admitted.

"Well, even more so then, if that's the case." Caleb said. "Take advantage. The rest of us don't have that kind of luck." he said, shaking his head. Seriously. How did Dean manage that? He still wondered if it was the same girl...because damn.

Dean laughed slightly. "Yeah, well - we'll see," he said, smiling slightly. It was easier, thinking of Thia, than it was thinking of Oz. Then again, she was right here, safe in the next room with Andy. Nothing bad was ever potentially going to happen to her. "But - look, I really appreciate it, mate Seriously."

"No problem." Caleb said in return. "I'll keep you posted, you keep me posted. Deal?" he asked, reverting with ease back to their initial conversation.

"Deal," Dean agreed, without hesitation. "And - I want to know. Okay? Oz - he... He'd prefer that I didn't, and I just concentrated on everything here, but.... I can't. I can't just - it'd be fake. Either I can deal. Or I can't. I can't just compartmentalise myself off. If I do then... It won't work, so just... don't, okay?" Dean requested.

"Done." Caleb said. "I can keep you in the loop, if there's anything happening." Are you even planning on coming back? Ever? Because if so, why exactly would he want to just...stress himself out over shit he wasn't involved with anymore. Which...being somewhere else, and as far as he was...that's what it was.

"Thanks. I really apreciate it. Really," Dean told him, thunking his head back against the wall. An hour ago, he wouldn't have wanted to know about any of this shit. An hour ago, he wanted to be in blissful ignorance. And now? Now he felt like he was being cheated if someone tried to hide it from him. Now it was his to deal with - he had to deal with it because it affected people he loved.

"You're welcome." Caleb said. "Anyways...I have a few people I need to check up on and check in with, start groundwork for shit. So, I'll let you go." he said. "Talk to you soon?"

"You know where I am," Dean confirmed. "You take care of yourself, okay?" Dean checked. Why was he so much more sure that Caleb would take care of himself than he was sure of Oz? Oh - right - because Caleb wasn't putting fucking ads up for hunters. That would do it.

"Yeah, always do." Save for those times when he was borderline suicidal, but Caleb hadn't had honest suicidal thoughts in a while. Sorta. "Talk to you then." he said, and then hung up, figuring he had some ground to cover before he did much else today.

Dean slipped his phone back into his pocket, but didn't move for a while. Sure, talking about Thia and everything there had taken the edge off, but Dean wasn't dumb enough to think that that had been any more than a temporary distraction. He knew it wasn't any more than that and now that Caleb was gone, he could feel it all rising back up again. And it was when it hit again that he finally got to his feet. He couldn't sit here all night, he couldn't. So, he got up, and eventually, he walked back through to the living room, to where he'd left Thia.

Thia happened to be stuck in the living room with Andy. Andy, who was being...well. Andy. She was pretty desperate for Dean to show back up again. Something distracted her attention and she frowned, trailing off mid-sentence. Blackness was seeping in underneath the livingroom door like smoke. She was already getting up, because it wasn't like she could mistake negative energy when she saw it, and a moment later Dean appeared. She was already walking over, concern in her eyes. She didn't actually realize that she'd just gotten up mid-conversation with Andy--and before Dean had even opened the door back up.

Andy trailed off midsentence as Thia just stood up and he frowned, looking up at her, then following where she was looking at the livingroom door. And then Dean walked in, a few moments later, which was really odd, since it wasn't as if the deaf girl could have heard him coming. Hell, even he hadn't heard the guy coming - Dean had always had a habit of walking quietly.

Dean caught her eyes for a moment, then looked at Andy. "Sorry mate, look - I... We're going to have to make a move, okay?" he told his friend, knowing Thia would want to know what was going on and sure that to her he was probably surrounded by a huge dark cloud of negative energy.

"Everything okay?" Andy asked, looking concerned. It was generally accepted that things were Not Good when someone leaves the room to take a phonecall, is gone long enough for you to get in some serious flirting with their girlfriend, and then comes back with no suggestion they knew you were doing said flirting and just announces that they have to go.

Dean paused, thinking about that. He knew the answer, but he didn't know how much he wanted to share with Andy. Not the truth, obviously. Andy didn't know anything of the truth, he never had. "It's just a family thing - just talked to my cousin," he explained, his eyes flicking to Thia.

Her frown was still present, and she had a sinking feeling in her stomach as he said that. Shit. That probably wasn't good. "I'll get my shoes." she said, looking back over her shoulder at Andy. "...see you another time." she said, since she couldn't very well just leave without a word, even if she might have wanted to. Politeness dictated otherwise. But that was all it dictated. She headed directly for the door, slipping her shoes on as she waited for Dean to come with her. Already, her mind was working out the trip back home, if she needed to. Showing in the orphanage, how long it might take her to wake back up. Coming back here if she had to and the timeframe on that...

"Well, hope everything's okay then," Andy offered, still sounding uncertain and concerned. What was it with him and this girl? Always fucking running off places. He called and she just... went. It was annoying - it wasn't how this worked.

"Yeah," Dean agreed, taking Thia's hand as they headed off and out of the house.

She laced her fingers through his, but waited til they were down the block a ways before she said anything. "What's going on?" she asked, watching Dean out of the corner of her eye. She was also drawing in energy he was putting out, not that that ever actually worked, because she couldn't ever actually drain him dry, but if she could siphon off bits, maybe it would help somewhat. If nothing else, she would have some more energy, even if she hated the implications there. She always would, even if he was fine with the idea of sustaining her. Right now, she was still just thinking about possible mirror-jumps. And that required energy. A lot of it.

Dean didn't head them home - he turned them in the other direction and headed them up towards the park, back to the building where they'd been the other night. He didn't say anything during the two minute walk, pulling himself up and over the gate railings before they slipped into the darkness and he sat them down, pulling her into his lap. "Marquette was attacked last night - werewolves. Bitten werewolves. Lots of them, apparently. So there's now lots of new werewolves as well, anyone who got bit," he said, just loud enough for her to hear.

Lullaby blinked, setting on his lap as she took that in. "Is everyone okay?" she asked. "Oz...?" Being Oz was a bitten werewolf. And despite the fact that he wasn't quite like he used to be with the curse and all, she knew how paranoid he got about it. There were cages in the basements of the houses, after all. She knew that. The idea of a lot of new crazy werewolves was a bad one. Both because she knew what she'd read in the book she'd gotten from Dorian. The bitten kind were just...raging killing machines. And they didn't know what happened, or anything. So...bad on a lot of fronts. Bad for anyone in their way, bad for the people who got bitten, who didn't ask to turn into murderous beasts once a month.

"...Oz has decided that he's going to put flyers up around town with a number for people to call if they want to talk to someone. To him," Dean told her. "But according to Caleb, there's a lot of hunters in town right now..."

Lullaby winced, knowing what that could lead to. Especially if Oz was putting word out there, and there was a number...that could be a fatally bad decision. She was quiet for a few long moments, before she made eye contact. "Do you want me to go check on things?" she asked, voice soft. Because he knew full well she could. And she was just not thinking about that percentage of a chance that she could just poof and be gone forever.

Dean shook his head. "I've - I've already asked Caleb to keep an eye on things. And - I don't know if you going back would achieve anything." Other than you being alone in a town full of hunters. He didn't add that though.

"Are you sure?" Lullaby asked, shifting so she could really properly look him in the eyes. "You know if you want me to, you just have to say the word." she said. Which she figured he did know, but she wanted to put out there blatantly anyways. She could understand why Dean was upset, she was kind of having a hard time thinking about how she felt about it. She knew that she didn't like the idea of her home going through this without her. Her friends. Everyone else. But she also didn't know if Dean was ever returning. Or what would happen to her, based on whatever decision he made. As far as she knew, he still hadn't decided anything, after their talk about it all. Not whether he wanted to go back to Marquette, or stay here. If he was giving up the gun, or not. And she still didn't have any real idea where she fit in where. But even if she did stay here with him indefinitely, it wouldn't be home. She liked it well enough, but...no. It wasn't home.

Dean was quiet for a long time, looking down at the ground in the darkness. He felt empty, for all his head was screaming at him. The only thing he could hold onto was that he hated this - he hated that people he cared about were at risk, or even potentially at risk, and he was here and safe and there was nothing he could do here to help. "If anyone needs to go back, it should be me," he said, finally, his voice still small.

That had her frowning again, and she watched him closely as she did so. "Why?" she asked, voice soft. She wasn't necessarily sure he was ready to go back, if he decided to in the first place. He'd started dealing, they'd talked, and she knew he was twitching less about the little things, but that didn't mean he was anywhere near okay. Not really. So, she definitely wanted to know what was going through his mind with a statement like that.

"He might need me," Dean told her. He might be needed and he was over here, shopping for fucking costumes with his girlfriend and watching movies with his mates. Pretending to be normal whilst the world still turned and he might be needed.

She was quiet after he said that, drawing in a breath and letting it out slowly. "He might, but he might not." she said. "What would you do if you were there?" she asked. It wasn't a pointed question. It was just an honest one. As far as she could think with the situation he'd told her, there was little that could be done. She understood wanting to be there--she had the same urges, the same strong pull towards it. But...again, she didn't know if he was ready for anything of the kind.

"I could be backup, I could be there if he gets any calls to that number, if he goes and meets someone. God, Thia - what if... He's putting up flyers and hell, if people who don't know what's what got attacked, there's a good chance they're not going to know anything odd's up anyway, other than they got bit. But a hunter? Is going to see that number and know that they're at least onto something. Worth checking out, right? Worst you're gonna find is another hunter setting a lure to trap people..." The more Dean thought about this scenario, the more he could imagine it going horribly wrong. And the more he thought about it, the more his imagination put in that it would go horribly wrong specifically because he wasn't there.

Lullaby had to think for a moment, before she shook her head. "No, they would know something was up." she said. "Oz's got that hearing, and the senses and everything. Those are kicked up way higher than a normal person's. They'd know something happened." she said, trying to think things through reasonably. "And I agree that it's dangerous, and that hunters could pick up on things and try and take a shot, or follow the lead. But...I'm sure he's not stupid enough to just go meet anyone who calls. And I know you're protective, but he can also take care of himself fairly well." She bit her lower lip then added the last bit, even if she didn't want to bring it up, really. "And you haven't even decided if you're even...going that way again." she said as delicately as she could.

"If I'm needed..." Dean said, his only reply. He didn't know how he felt about it. Right now, he wasn't allowing himself to feel anything about it. If he was needed, he'd crush his own personal feelings in the matter - they weren't important, not in the scheme of things. He'd have to just deal. He'd have to.

"Dean, you have to make the choices for yourself for yourself." she said, voice soft, but firm. "What's happening with Oz and anything else that goes on around you or us, or back in Marquette, or here, or anything...you've got to make up your mind for you." she continued. "Whatever you decide, I told you, I'll support you on your decision. But the one thing I'm making sure of is that you don't do this--no matter what it is--for someone else. You have to do what's right for you. I think you far too often put everyone else ahead of you, and...you can't live like that. And especially with something this important..." she shook her head. "No. You have to deal with what happened with you before you even start dealing with other people's problems, and you have to decide for yourself whether or not you're going there again."

"I couldn't live with myself if something happened to Oz because I wasn't there," Dean told her, that thought making it through to the surface of his brain.

"You don't know that anything would, and you don't know that there would have been anything you could do anyways." Lullaby told him, reaching up to lightly brush her fingers back and forth along the back of his neck. "He's an adult, who knows what he's doing, and knows what he's getting into." she continued, because she was pretty sure Dean wasn't counting things like that. "If he didn't think he could do this without you, the maybe he wouldn't do it at all. Or he would have said so."

"Or maybe he's just trying to protect me," Dean pointed out. "Because he wasn't even going to tell me that there was anything wrong, except that I found out from Caleb first. That call - it wasn't from Oz. It was from Caleb, to tell me what had happened. I called Oz. He wouldn't... I don't think Oz would ever tell me that he needed me there while I'm here. And I know he feels like he has to do something to try and help them. And I understand why. And I don't think me not being there would stop him in that. He'll just factor around it, but I just... I feel so helpless, Thia," he said in the end, which was the root of it. The real issue.

Putting her arms around his neck, she hugged him, pulling him a little closer, so she could properly hold him for a bit. "I'm sure he'll be okay." she said, even if she wasn't necessarily sure about that. "He's got everyone else with him. I'm sure they'll keep him as safe as they can too. He isn't your responsibility. And I understand feeling helpless, but...right now..." She drew in a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Talk this through with me. Go through how you feel and what you want, even if they don't add up."

"He's my responsibility - he's family," Dean told her, knowing that Oz would understand that instinctively. They were all each other's responsibility. "And we talked the other day about the others. I just... I know they'll do what they can, but I'd... I'd feel better if he had me watching his back." Which meant a return to Marquette, which was something he hadn't actively considered before. He'd reached the point where he'd accepted that they weren't staying here long term, though he knew he hadn't talked that through with her at all. And the reason that he hadn't mentioned that to her was because of the follow on question to that. The 'where do we go then?' question, which was the one he'd been backing away from considering.

"I know he's family." Lullaby said. "And I know you want to help. And I know that you...don't really trust anyone to do anything without your input or to get it done without you." Dean had control issues, and trust issues on things. Dean had a lot of issues, all rolled in together and as far as she could tell, they fed off of one another too. So much of it didn't add up, yet she knew it made sense in his own head. Right now she just didn't want him jumping into anything, before he had come to the conclusions he was in need of doing. She didn't want the decision jaded by events, either. "What do you want?" she asked.

"It's not that I don't trust anyone to get things done without me," he told her. "It's just that - I get to thinking and... I don't want things to go wrong and for it always to be there, that idea that we hadn't covered all the bases, that there could have been something more that could have been done. That I hadn't done my best." He didn't want to fail here. here or anywhere else. He didn't want to let people down.

Quiet for a few minutes, Lullaby kept tracing her fingers back and forth as she thought about everything. "I'll start thinking on angles." she said, voice quiet. "So if I can come up with anything, I'll just...send word back. And I can still go and check on people." she said. "You didn't answer my question, though. What do you want?"

For this not to be happening. That was impossible, it wasn't worth voicing. "I don't know what I want. For the world to be a nicer place, maybe?" he said, finally, again, knowing the impossibility, but this time saying it aloud anyway.

She pressed a kiss to his temple and was reminded of the conversation they'd had a bit back. She couldn't remember how many days now. They were kind of bleeding together for her. But she'd told him he could have reality or something else. Being in synch with this world, the one he'd fled to but wasn't happy with. "We could stay here, and eventually you might be able to let go of the fact that the world isn't." she said, voice quiet. Because it was an option. Not one she thought would work for him at all, but if he wanted to try--he could.

Dean rested his forehead against her and shook his head, lightly. No, he couldn't do that, he'd never be able to do that. "I know I can't stay here," he told her. "I realised that a few days ago. It's just... I don't belong here anymore."

She held him closer, shifting to do so more properly, and she rubbed lightly at his back, cheek resting against his head. "Where do you belong?" she asked. Maybe he didn't know. She didn't know if she knew the answer to that question if it was posed to her. Besides maybe the idea that she belonged with him. But he wasn't a place, and it was more than just Dean. There were other people, places... he just happened to be the most important piece of the puzzle. For him, though...she wasn't sure and wanted to know if he had any idea.

"Would it sound stupid if I said that I didn't know whether I'm brave enough to belong in Marquette?" he asked her. "To actually face that possibility? And what that means for the rest of my life?"

"No, I don't think that sounds stupid." Lullaby said first. Because she didn't. She thought it was a valid concern, even if she thought bravery didn't necessarily cover. Bravery he had. Bravery he had because he didn't even think about it as being brave. He just acted, which was something else entirely. "What do you think it means for the rest of your life, one way or the other?" she asked.

"If I go back to Marquette, if I belong there, that means that that's what my life is going to be. All of that - the... Everything that it's been, that's not going to stop. This just highlights that, doesn't it? Shit is going to keep on coming and that means that that would be my life. And if I belonged there, if Marquette was where I was meant to be. Then that would mean that I was meant to live that kind of a life. That I was the kind of person who was meant to live that kind of a life. Because I'm not like you - I wasn't born there, it's not my natural home. If I live in Marquette, I do that by choice. I do that because I want to. Which means I want that life. I have to choose that life," Dean said, actually properly facing up to it for the first time and thinking it through as he spoke.

She let him, and was glad he was talking like he was, because that had been what she was trying for in the first place. To get him to walk through it. To piece it all together for himself. "You're talking as if that's all it'll ever be." she said first. Because that was an important distinction. "That it would only ever be one thing after another...the fight. But it's not. There are other things. People. Family. Stars and snowmen and closets." she continued. "But if you wouldn't be able to see that, if you view it as only being that...then that's an issue." she said. "How would you view yourself if you chose to return there, to exist there?" she asked. She knew how he tended to view himself, and how fantastically negative that was. So, she wanted to know if he was spinning it that way in this.

"Myself?" Dean asked. "I... Don't know. You talk about people and family, but you also said I had to make any decision for me, not for other people, I just... I... I have friends there. And family. But I have friends and family here, but it still doesn't feel right. I don't fit here, I feel different, disconnected, I feel like nobody really knows me, or understands me and I know that's my own fault, that I'm to blame there, but it is what it is and it's been so long now that I can't change that. People know me in Marquette - really know me. And they understand, but... I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it." He paused and hung his head. "Nobody else ran away," he added, quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.

"I mentioned them not to say they should be considered for your decision, just that life there isn't all just one constant battle, which is what it sounded like you were saying it was." Thia pointed out gently, milling over everything he said. At his last bit there, her heart tugged hard. "Dean," she started, voice soft. Gentle. "You don't know that." she said. "You don't know that Oz never had had enough and didn't leave for a while at some point in his life. And I know you didn't really get the fully history lesson that I did on Sophie and Oz--but she did." she continued. "Things got too hard for her and she went back here. Which she probably had to do to keep herself sane. I don't know about Caleb, you should ask him. I don't know what I would have wound up doing if you hadn't found me, and then never given up on me. I know I used to think...you'd just drift from me, and I'd fade off into the background. That's a form of running too. You did what you had to. You removed yourself from a situation you couldn't handle, and that was the best thing for you to do. Honestly...I don't think you would have been ready for dealing with werewolves if we'd been back there. Not yet. And there's nothing wrong with that, especially considering this is all still new."

Dean closed his eyes. "I don't know if I'd ever be ready to deal with werewolves," he admitted to her, even though it was sort of off topic. "I... They're people, Thia. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get passed knowing that. The idea of there being people hunting them down now? They're just people. But - Caleb was talking about them and referring to one as 'it' and that... That could have been Oz. He was bitten, but he wouldn't hurt a fly unless he had to. You've seen how seriously he takes it. Fuck, he'd rather I kill him than he risk hurting someone accidentally."

Thia reached up to tug her fingers through his hair, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You're missing out on the fact that dealing with anything doesn't necessarily mean the final solution." she said softly. "I know that's what a lot of things come down to, but not everything. And you could choose to go back, and still never even look at the gun again, and still do your part. There's....there's a lot of different ways to deal with everything, Dean. There's no one set right way, and there are different things for different situations. You can do anything you want. You were taking first aid classes, because you wanted to help that way. That's something different in and of itself, and it has nothing to do with hurting anyone. So...'dealing' doesn't have to mean anything that ends in blood."

Dean shook his head. "No - no, we have to be realistic about this. Living in Marquette is and always will be dangerous. And if I'm going to be there, I have to be willing to protect my family. Even if that's not going out and looking for trouble. Trouble will find us and I can't just hide behind everyone else. Even if it doesn't ever get to that point, I'm a liability if I don't know whether I can deal with that side or things or not."

Silent for a few long moments, she watched him. "Is that what you think I do?" she asked. "Hide behind everyone else?" Her voice was very quiet. She kept tone out of it, keeping it neutral, and her expression didn't give much away either. Internally was another story, but she was keeping all of that behind a wall for the time being. "Am I a liability?"

Dean blinked. "No - no that's not at all what I think you do!" he protested. "And you're not a liability."

She nodded, keeping her eyes on his. "Then why is it different for you?" she asked, voice still soft. "I don't...carry a gun, or have abilities that can do a whole lot that's practical just yet, and I'm not a protector of everyone, but you don't think that I have to be any of those things. So...where's the difference? You'd be able to fix people up without fucking yourself up in the process. Much more useful, even. So..."

"You might not habitually carry a gun, but you're the girl who walked round with a shotgun under her arm when the shadows were about. And you slept with a hatchet under your pillow," Dean pointed out. "You were ready to step up and do what needed to be done - there is no difference, kitten. None at all."

She sighed. "Dean, I just..." she started, resting her forehead in against his. "I don't want you doing this to yourself, every time. And I don't want you doing anything that you aren't going to be able to live with. Because I don't care if you could pull it together for a while, if it ultimately destroys you, or who you are, then there's just got to be another way, and it'll get found. If that's finding someplace else to go, or finding something else to do..." she said, then gave herself a second. "I don't want you deciding that this is the way to go, and that that's all your life is going to be. I don't want you to think you have to do anything, even if you are trying to be realistic. Because realistically, the four of them are still here. Which means they did okay before you got to town and it means they can probably pull it out of the fire too. Without you having to resort to things you don't want to."

Dean didn't answer her, though he listened to everything she had to say. He just didn't know where to go, or what to do and he just kept coming back to the same thing - that Marquette meant danger and pain to him, but that it also meant friends and family and a sense of belonging and the two of them seemed to have got all mixed up in his head.

She reached up to put her palms to his cheeks, looking him in the eyes. "I don't want to lose you." she told him. "And I mean that across the board. Not just if anything happened to you physically, I mean I don't want to wake up one day, and my best friend's gone. I love you. I don't want to watch little pieces of you crack off, because you're doing things you don't want to be doing or don't believe in. I don't want to see you eaten up by the pressure you're putting on yourself. You know how I told you that I'd never let you fall that far? This is part of that. Making sure you're not going into something just because you think you've got no choice. Or because no one ever told you there were options, or that you were in charge of your own life. I still think that you could be there and not have to do anything that required death, just because you're good with a gun. Being good at something doesn't mean you have to go with it. There's a lot more to you."

He met her eyes, wanting to believe her in that, wanting there to be another way. "It felt like there was no other alternative," he told her, eventually. "Like I was on this path, down this hill and everything just seemed to be leading one way. But - he would have killed me, and he would have taken you. There wasn't a choice there, there wasn't any avoiding that." He shook his head and gave a quiet humourless laugh. "No, there was - we could have just been more careful. We could have not gone out that night."

"He still would have been out there." Lullaby said. "That...I know we haven't talked about...about my end of this. How I felt, or feel, or...anything. But that is what I know. He would have been out there, and if it wasn't then, it would have been another time. I went for walks. I went out at night, into town sometimes on my own, when everyone else was sleeping. And he could have got me then, one of those times. I hate what this has done to you. And I hate you had to do it at all, and part of me is always going to remember that it was my dad. That I could have done things differently, and you wouldn't...you'd've never had to do that." Her gaze averted, looking down towards his collarbone. "But he isn't out there anymore. And any threats are faceless ones. Ones we don't know about, they're in the crowds, or attacks on the town, there's no one gunning specifically for any of us, as far as I know. So...you still can hang up the gun and just...choose a different path."

They hadn't, he realised. He'd been aware of it, but he'd been so wrapped up in his own issues that he'd not really thought about it, but they really hadn't talked about her end of things. "I'm sorry," he told her, pulling her in a little more. She'd just always been there, supporting him every step of the way, being the rock he was clinging to, but all the time this was her issue as well and he'd given her nothing back. "I..."

"Don't..." she said, letting herself be pulled in, definitely, but she didn't want to deflect the conversation. That hadn't been her intention. "You don't have to be sorry and I wasn't looking for an apology, or to talk about it right now. I just wanted to tell you that. That's one of the things I've taken away from it all, is he was out there, and now he isn't. And he was it. The specific horror in the dark. And now he's gone, and so none of us has to worry about him anymore. So you still...you've got choices. And that's even if you want to go back, and not...I don't know. Think of someplace else to go."

"I'm sixteen, kitten. There is no place else to go. Unless you're saying I should just... leave." Which would surprise him if that's what she was suggesting. She'd always been on at him all the time to finish school, to stick with it. But then, that had been Before, hadn't it?

"I don't know if you have any other cousins to stay with, or if Sophie and Oz would consider moving, or.." she pointed out. "Or I could rob a bank, and we could disappear somewhere, I guess my point is just...talking about things won't hurt. Seeing what people say, I just...I don't know. There are schools you could go to, I'm sure." And if his family didn't fork out for it, she was sure Oz would, if he thought it was what was best for Dean. She didn't especially like that option, because it would mean they'd be separated, but...she wanted what was best for him. That went with the territory of loving someone.

Dean shook his head. "I have no other cousins; Sophie and Oz wouldn't move because of Billy and Maddie; you're not robbing any banks." He paused, before continuing. "....And I think I'd prefer almost anything rather than being stuck at some boarding school somewhere," he added. "But, I get what you mean."

She nodded. "Good." she said. She gave him a few soft, little kisses, on his forehead, temple, cheek. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to and I still say you really have to decide what you want for yourself, and leave consideration of anyone else out of it. It's what you can live with. And that's the most important factor." she said. "You know anything you want or need from me you'll have."

Dean smiled a little at that. "What you've been doing so far is great, really," he assured her. "I couldn't have got through this without you. And - I'm going to sit you down and make you talk about it, you know. I just... I am really sorry I've not asked before now. I didn't mean to not - I do care. And... I'm really sorry," he told her.

"I know you do." Thia said, and she meant that. It was clear in her voice. "Dean, I haven't brought it up because I know right now it's your time. You need the focus right now. If it was overwhelming me and I really needed to break down and talk about it, I would have done that by now." She was strained with it, yes. But not to the breaking point. "You don't have to be sorry. I know you care, and I know you're not just...ignoring or whatever, so don't even think about that." She gave him a few more little kisses. "We'll get to it. Just not right now." With that she kissed his lips, a soft, lingering one before she drew back, to look him in the eyes. "Okay?"

He leaned into the kiss when it came, more than willing to give a few moments over to that, going with her, not ready to let her go when she pulled back, though he did, of course. There was just that little lean there. "Okay," he agreed, meeting her eyes. That wasn't hard for him to agree to, though he felt bad that he was almost relieved. If he couldn't deal with his own problems, what chance did he have of being abel to deal with hers?

She smiled at him, and gave him another kiss. She caught the lean there, so...she let them have a few more minutes just for that. Something that felt good. A brighter spot in everything seeming dark. She drew it out, kept it slow but deep, and didn't pull back until it was nearing the required oxygen mark. "I love you." she told him. "Things'll get figured out."

He rested his forehead against hers, lightly cradling her waist. "I love you too," he whispered, putting his faith in her words, that it would get figured out. It had to.