Progress

Who: Caleb and Nic
Where: starting on the phone, then the island
When: Late

Sleepless nights like this were a common occurrence for Nic, but they normally came down on Tuesday when she was anticipating the nightmares. Granted, she knew where it stemmed from tonight. Tomorrow was advanced testing, which meant a ring fight against another student at the kickboxing studio. The winners moved up, the losers trained for another month. And she'd been practicing, sure; she'd gone through her teebs and crosses and balancing routines in silence in her room, but she just couldn't wear herself out.

Sitting on her bed with the cordless house phone in hand, Nic sighed as she looked from the keypad to a pile of clothes on her floor. She could admit that there was a second source, sure. Caleb's house was gone, she'd seen it on the walk home from school that day. Nic had bugged her mom repeatedly that day to check in with the hospital, to see if there'd been any injured people in the fires around town, and she'd tried to take the steady answer as a good sign. It just wouldn't sit, though. So with a sigh, she raised the phone and dialed, wondering if she'd finally interrupt his sleep.

Nic didn't have much luck with interrupting Caleb resting. He'd had a habit of not getting any for the past week or so. Less so than usual, even. Today, he was up brooding. He could own up to that, really. When his phone rang, or less rang and more announced Nic via Soundgarden, he picked it up, and wondered if maybe he should have contacted her in the past day or so...

He flipped it open, and as was usual for him, he skipped over things like 'hello'. "Am I in trouble?" he asked instead.

"I was hoping you could tell me," she answered with a sigh of relief, "Your place looks like it got hit by the fucking laser satellite from 'Akira'. But since you're talking? Well, not much trouble." She drew her knees in tight on her chest as she sat at her bed, glancing over towards her window. "Next time your house burns down, call?" Nic requested without any real venom, figuring Caleb had enough shit on his plate right now. "Just, y'know, for me. I'm selfish like that."

"It would have been much cooler if that was the case. As it stands, it just burned down. Dor said something about spirits or whatever, but who knows." Caleb answered her, taking a moment to recognize and acknowledge the fact that hearing her voice was soothing in a way. It didn't exactly ease all tension or anything, but it was nice. He was also appreciating the fact that he wasn't being given shit for not having talked to her in a few days, which he belatedly realized he'd been bracing himself for. After Leija and her freak out over his not having talked to her in a few days, he was a little paranoid about it. Just not paranoid enough to put undue pressure on himself to talk to people every damn day. "Next time, I promise I'll call." he said. "I'd have just gone to your place to crash but figured that'd be a bad thing since I just got a favor out of your mom. Thought it wouldn't go so well."

She laughed into the phone with a trace of real warmth, the relief spreading as Nic cradled the phone. "It wouldn't be too bad," she faux-argued, "You'd get the couch, my mom would sleep in the hall with her rifle, and then we could all have breakfast." Some part of her had wanted to ask him why he wouldn't call after a fire, but that urge had died already as she unwound. Looking to the window, Nic frowned in thought. It was late, she could get the keys... "Shit, ghosts torched your house? All they did was trash mine. What, did you keep walking through them? Maybe sit on one while it was using the toilet?" Nic teased, knowing she shouldn't make light of it. But really, it was expected of her by now, wasn't it? "Oh... oh fuck. Dude, Caleb? How much shit did you get out of your place when it started?"

"Dean said something about ghosts trashing his house too. Flooded the basement and shit." Caleb said. "So, apparently it was wide spread. Awesome. But then again Dean also said something about terrorists or whatever." He still didn't know how much he bought that, but at the same time...it was more than possible. No more ridiculous than demonic mafia. When she said the last bit, he sighed, coming down a little bit as well. "Everything that wasn't in my backpack at the time. So...pretty much everything." he said, thinking about the painting he'd done of her. That was ash now, she should have taken it when he'd offered it to her, but he wasn't going to say that. She already sounded like she had thought about it--or he was just projecting and that was what he wanted her to be thinking of. "I was gone at the time, the place was a big ball of flames by the time I got home."

She had thought of the painting, not to mention all of Caleb's other art that she figured he had to have somewhere. He'd done her sketch in short minutes before, Nic figured there were more. Or had been, at least. "God, fuck..." she muttered, sitting forward and scowling. As if Caleb didn't have enough shit hitting his fan, now he didn't even have somewhere to deal with it? Or to sleep, whenever he actually slept? "Where are you staying, then?" Nic asked, looking again to the heap of clothes on her floor and scowling thoughtfully.

"The Lamplighter." Caleb said, not explaining where it was since Nic was more local than he was and probably knew. "I think Math's getting something lined up for housing. But...yeah. Lost everything else. Most of my shit wasn't that important." Which he knew left out the part where that meant there were some things that had been. Mostly, he was trying not to think about all the artwork he'd lost. Drawings that he couldn't ever duplicate because any drawing he did always had so much of his own mood or perspective at that given moment put into it.

Maybe it wasn't important, but comforts were comforts. And Nic had the hunch that Caleb didn't give himself many. As much as she liked to think she was tough or hardcore? She was surrounded by little luxuries, and she knew it. "Some of it was important, though," she pointed out, "I could guess, but..." Nic hopped up from her seat on the bed, cracking the bedroom door to peer out into the halls. "I'm one step away from stealing the car, you feel like getting a coffee or something? I know which of the all-night gas stations sucks the least."

Caleb didn't have to glance around the shitty hotel room to answer that question. "Or I could come get you and there wouldn't have to be any theft involved." he pointed out. "I'll be there in ten?" he suggested, already getting up and reaching for his boots. Yeah, getting out of the little hole in the wall he shared with Math would be good for him. Even if Math wasn't in. It was still a claustrophobic type of place.

Some part of Nic had wanted to take her mom's car, to just indulge in a little act of defiance for the sake of how she'd been for so long. It wouldn't kill her not to, of course; she'd just have to find some other way to come through. "Ten sounds good, I'll just sorta... lurk on the sidewalk, cool?" Nic asked, "Promise I'll even stick under a streetlight and have my knife ready the whole time." Of course, ten minutes didn't leave much time, so Nic was already sorting through her laundry with a foot as she talked.

"That a girl." Caleb said, smirking very faintly. "Be there soon." he added before he hung up. Then he grabbed the trench coat he'd gotten at one of the second hand stores around, tugged that on and took off for Nic's. Traffic wasn't that bad, though he still drove a little slow due to not being used to this driving on snow bullshit. It just wasn't safe and yet people did it all the time around here. He just didn't like having anything even related to ice between his tires and the road. But whatever, he'd get used to it. Probably.

It turned out that she had a bit more than ten minutes as Caleb drove slowly on his way, but Nic was still ready before then. She'd dashed around her room as quietly as she could, layering shirts and sleeves with a hoodie, figuring she wouldn't need much more for a short wait outside. Caleb's heater in the car worked, she'd seen to it personally, after all. Sneaking into the kitchen had been a bit more dangerous, but with a garbage bag as her prize for silence, Nic had rounded up some clothes quickly.

She didn't think Caleb would like the gift, but at least she'd made sure it was all stuff he could wear okay. Nic wore men's jeans in sizes larger than she needed, and the longsleeved thermal tees she'd stuffed in with the pants were right up Caleb's alley. She almost didn't want to give away some of her old shirts, but he'd look just as good in a Biohazard shirt as her, likely better. Definitely better, she'd mused as Nic tucked away the last bit for the garbage bag; the sketch Caleb had done of her with a little note added onto the bottom: 'Give it back when you draw something new. Or just draw me something new.' Then? Well, then she'd clambered out the window and hopped into the snow, trudging up through the yard to where she stood now. The bag was at her feet, a smoke in her lips as Nic gripped her knife tightly within the folds of her sweatshirt's front pocket, eyes darting back and forth along the street.

When he pulled up to the curb, he smiled, leaning across the seat to open the door for her. Not that she needed it, but he did it anyhow, just something he felt the urge to do and he went with that. "The hell you got there?" he asked, noting the bag at her feet. He turned the stereo down a little, so he wouldn't have to shout and neither would she. That never quite worked out so well.

She caught the door when he popped it, slinging the bag back between the front seats and clambering in after it. Nic flicked her cigarette out the open door before yanking it shut, folding her knife closed as an afterthought and smirking Caleb's way. "More side-view mirrors from cars that pissed me off, you're gonna help me dispose of evidence," she teased, tugging her hood back and feeling for loose hairs, "Or a present. You can open it whenever, but I make no promises to not get awkward and call you every name I can think of."

He arched a brow and glanced at the bag over the seat, then back to her. "But you're cute when you're awkward and calling me names." he told her, having to kind of resist the urge to pull her over and keep pulling til she was on his lap. That would probably not work out very well. But, he had that urge all the same. Seeing her after a bit of not kind of had him realizing he'd missed her, and with that came certain ideas of how to show that. But instead he took off from the curb. "There wasn't near enough clanking for it to be mirrors. And you didn't have to do anything present-like. But thank you anyways." he said, not knowing what it was or anything, but he appreciated the thought. Plus, Caleb had kind of a thing about getting gifts. He never got them often so whenever he did they were very sentimental to him.

"Well, maybe I wrapped them. In Jehovah's Witnesses," Nic countered, smirking as she shoved an elbow across the space of the car to nudge him. She didn't have to realize that she'd missed seeing Caleb, nic just knew it. But she didn't like to dwell on it, seeing as how missing someone after two days normally meant you were both somewhere that she didn't think she was with Caleb. Whatever she was thinking, chief on the list was a simple pleasure at being here, and it showed somewhere in her grin as she sat back and watched the road slip by. " And you're welcome. I didn't have to? But I wanted to. So... coffee? My treat, the Citgo down on Washington's open all night," she suggested as her smile curled a little more.

"You know, my collection of Jehovah's Witnesses went up in the fire. I could want to keep those, to replenish the lost supply." Caleb told her, driving vaguely aimlessly. He didn't have a destination in mind at all. She'd mentioned coffee, but he just wanted to spend time with her. Then she went and mentioned where they were going, and he headed that way. "Gas station coffee. I get the impression you like me, Nic. Such lavish presents all in short order." he teased.

She snorted back a laugh at that, one hand raising reflexively to cover her mouth as she grinned wider. "Lavish, yeah. Me contributing to your ulcers with coffee that could strip paint. Gotta get better at reading people, Lockwood," she teased when she finally lowered her hand, cranking the window open a touch and producing her smokes. Standing in the cold had left her unable to properly enjoy one, after all. "Keep cracking wise and I might take the offer back, I could use the dollar spent on you to buy myself a donut."

"Woman, I'm homeless and about everything I ever owned just went up in smoke. Give me a break, for say, ten minutes." Caleb said, smirking at her. "Think you can manage that?" he asked, remembering last time they had a wager on her behavior and say, keeping to a normal standard of just 'don't be violent' for a short period of time. It was always kind of a struggle with her to cut the shit she always slung, just on principal, or by force of habit. Not that he was taking things personally, at the moment he was teasing, but he was curious how she'd react.

She reacted by slowly raising one hand, middle finger extending towards Caleb as Nic smirked without a word. She held the gesture for a short span of the drive, finally glancing over and winking. "Ten minutes it is, I'm just gonna need to have this one hold me over," Nic explained, lowering her hand and smirking around her cigarette. "And really now, crisis aside? I haven't seen you, so I'm making up for lost time." Luckily for Nic, she did have things to talk about beyond giving Caleb grief. She let a few seconds go by before the humor dimmed from her features, and maybe she edged just a bit towards his side of the car like she knew it was a sensitive topic. "You cool on everything?" she asked vaguely, hoping she wouldn't have to directly ask how the Leija situation was going.

He didn't answer immediately, but noted the way she got that little bit closer. "I don't know." he said honestly. "I just don't know if it's going to help, or if she's just cracked and that's it. I mean it happens, I know it does. I know sometimes things break and they don't get fixed. Or something is fundamentally wrong from the start and it impacts everything else one way or another. I don't know if seeing me helps, or makes things worse. I don't know...pretty much anything." he said honestly, half forgetting about the coffee situation as he just drove around. In the end he turned to drive up the lake shore. "A whole lot feels precarious right around now."

She didn't really care about the coffee, Nic just liked having a destination more than assuming he'd be willing to drive her around all night. "It does to me too," she said quietly, "And I know I'm not... I'm not seeing it all, you know? I'm not in it like you are. But it's hard to miss how you're feeling, and it spooks me." She poked her smoke out of the window, rolling it up to cancel out the rush of air as they drove, then reached a hand to the steering wheel to cover his and briefly squeeze. "Got your fucking back in this, Lockwood. You know that, right? Even if it's just to listen or something?"

He glanced at her at that, knowing the gesture was something that probably didn't come very easy to her. She was awkward at best with things of that nature. "Yeah. I know that." he assured her, and he sounded grateful for it. Which really, he was. "It spooks you?" he asked, wanting clarification on that. "How so?" Since if she was seeing something and he wasn't, he wanted to know what it was. Or if she had any insights, and he didn't even know if she didn't have cause for worry, really.

Drawing one leg up, Nic pulled her knee in to rest her cheek against it. A bad idea if they crashed, but she trusted Caleb to avoid that, and getting personal normally made Nic want to draw in on herself. "I've seen you in a crisis. I watched you throw down with seven feet of furry Fuck You," she reminded him, smiling fleetingly and without humor, "And you didn't blink. You knew what you had to do and you did it. Here? You... you still know what you need to try, you're not giving an inch from panic, but..." Nic chewed at her lower lip for a quiet moment, eyes fixed on him. "Even if you know not everything can be fixed? It's just like I can see you wishing it could, not knowing what to do if things go the worst way they could. I think caring this much throws you," she finished quietly, looking away with that last bit like she expected a bad reaction.

He took time to let that settle in. The girl was more observant than she gave herself credit for. He also hadn't thought about it that way, but thought she had a point. "I deal easier if there's something I can just kill and be done with it." he said. "Which I'm aware is fucked up, by the way so you don't need to tell me. But messy personal shit, cracks in the psyche, especially ones I kind of recognize? I don't know. And yeah, I care. I'm not used to caring. I'm basically not used to having anyone around I give a damn about, and it's still something I'm on a learning curve for. With her...she helped me. And no matter what else might have happened between us, I'm not going to forget about that. At one point in time, she was one of the best things for me. Maybe for other people, that shit goes away, or they don't keep it in the back of their mind, but I do. I guess I feel like she needs me, or needs something, and I can't be there for her how she wants me to, but I have to try some way. I'm never really going to stop caring about her. I just can't...I don't know. Be what she wants me to be. I fall short, in that respect." He kept his gaze on the road, his voice a little quieter than usual, even if it sounded loud to him in the enclosed space.

It took a considerable amount of effort to really hear what he was saying, to not let herself get snagged on specific bits that threatened to wound Nic on some level she hated just for existing. She was at least lucky enough to know how stupid that anxiety was, and stubborn enough to choke it down in the moment. "Other people... they take everything for granted," Nic murmured, eyes on the road ahead of them, "You know how I feel there. Everything you or I might want to have or refuse to let go of? They just toss it." That point right there was a factor of her attraction to him, to say nothing of the understanding they seemed to have. He didn't waste what was in his life, because he let so little in. "You probably already thought about this? But it can't be just you to help her, you know? Whatever she might want, if it's all on you, it's not a fix. It's a band-aid when you need fucking stitches. You don't fall short, Caleb, not by an inch... my mom likes to say that what we want and what we need are usually totally different, and that no one likes to hear that."

"I know it can't be just me. That's why I wanted to check her in in the first place." Caleb said. "I was just looking at everything, and I knew straight out the gate that I couldn't possibly fix this. I probably contributed a hell of a lot to it, even. I didn't try to, but..." But he had, he knew he had. He still wasn't quite sure how on all levels, but he knew he was at fault somewhere. "And that's a wise woman there, but I still think I fall short. At least to her. In her eyes." He was silent again for a few minutes as he continued to think about it all. "After we broke up, things...went off the rails for a while. I did, specifically. Had to be kicked back out of things, and I talked to her and everything, but...I was always under the impression that nothing was actually good enough. That nothing I gave her was enough. And every time I didn't follow through with what was expected of me, some standard I don't know about, she just got so upset. I think all I did was make her miserable, and yet she didn't want to fathom the idea of letting go. I know, I got to a point where I suggested it. That it seemed like no matter what, i t made her absolutely wrecked, and maybe that just meant she needed to not be around me. It's not like I enjoyed doing that to her. And sometimes I don't even know what I'd do wrong. Just that it was something."

That? Sounded fucked to Nic. Decidedly so, in fact. "...you know that none of that is stuff people pin on each other when they give a damn, right?" she eventually asked, "I mean, granted? I only like maybe six people on earth, I only care about them? But I get that, at least. Not living up to impossible standards, which it sounds like these were, isn't something you get to fault yourself with. No one gets to blame you for their not coping, or needing to be held up every moment. It's shitty, but it's true." And there she was again, spooked and worried as she watched him. "You tried, right? Talked to her, worked on being a friend? And... and all of this freaking out was from dating her for a week? Maybe she wanted you to forget there had ever been a problem, you know? Maybe that's what you did 'wrong'," Nic theorized, throwing in halfhearted finger quotations, "You couldn't forget when things changed, or why. And that's not bad, Caleb. It's not falling short, fucking up, or letting someone down. Don't believe that it is... please."

"I don't know if they were impossible standards." Caleb said. "They might have been reasonable ones, and I just suck. I don't...see the world the best way all the time. Or the most...I don't know. When she spoke to me she said people who care about each other don't just stop. Maybe I never expressed well enough that I did. I thought I did. I thought I proved it, but it's pretty clear I didn't. I thought I talked to her and was around when she needed me, and I thought that I was keeping up my end of friendship, but what if I wasn't? I honestly just don't know anymore. And...I know she wanted to get back together with me. I know she wanted there to be more again, and I couldn't do it." He stopped for a moment, chancing a glance over to her again. "This is really bothering you." he said, tone a little confused. That last bit did it, the plea. That's when he truly caught the fact that this was bothering her and not on a small scale.

"You don't see what I see," she replied in a quiet voice, not able to look Caleb's way when she said it. Nic knew this was dangerous footing to hold, that stating anything wrong would make him think she'd put him on a pedestal, that he was something he didn't want to be, or didn't think he could be. "Even with what I don't know? I know a lot. You say enough, and I'm good at puzzles." Nic took a deep breath, letting her head roll from her knee to rest against the window where she could savor the feel of the cold glass against her forehead, watching the partial reflection of the car's interior up close. "You're about the best kind of friend, Caleb. You're not... you're not ever doing something so you can feel like you're a good person. More because you just want to do it, like a reflex. Whatever you did for her? It could've been enough if she'd really just wanted what you could give, not what she wants. It would've for me if you decided you didn't..."

Nic wasn't able to finish that thought entirely, shaking her head for a moment and thunking it against the glass. "What's bothering me is seeing you stretched on the rack because you won't give up. I don't like seeing you feel like maybe you didn't care enough, because you fucking care so much that you'll make yourself miserable to help her. You'll take the chance, knowing she's unhappy, because giving her what she wants won't fix anything. You'll tell me to my face when I'm doing shit that makes you want to back off." Shifting in her seat again, Nic twisted to put her back to the door, stretching her leg enough to rest her foot against his knee. It was the barest of contact, but she needed it, and didn't trust her hands. "Even if I know there'll be more some day? You have enough scars."

He listened to all she had to say, even if some of it was harder to hear than he would have liked. Mostly because he wanted to argue the point with her, even if he knew she wasn't saying it to get an argument out of him, and he'd wanted to know what she thought in the first place, so arguing would be just a little bit counterproductive. He gave himself a few long minutes to mill it over, too, turning towards the island, slowing the car down accordingly. The speed limit was a crawl there and that was the allure.

"I think I let her down. And I think it's because she and I are...similar, in some ways that other people aren't going to understand. And maybe that's why she latched on so hard, because she knows I'll get things without having to try. I don't know. But I'm pretty sure, in her eyes, things weren't ever enough. I didn't do enough, and maybe she's right. and maybe she's where she is now, because of me, because of how I am. As a person, I mean. She was fragile to begin with, and let's be honest here, I'm not the type to pull punches." Caleb pointed out, because he had to.

Those long minutes of silence were rough to endure, but she'd sat through them quietly with her foot on his leg, listening when Caleb finally started speaking. And he did have a point in there, and Nic could see why he'd take that point and stab himself with it. "I don't buy that," she eventually argued, though Nic's voice was still soft and restrained as they drove, "She was fragile to begin with? She needed you because you could relate. So... try to take yourself out of things. Would there be a damn good chance she'd get to this point even if she'd never met you? I know the 'what if' is a bullshit question, but just try it. Does she have a better chance without you ever there? Or with you there, with the hurt and the trauma, and the chance to confront it all? I know from experience, Lockwood, you can't beat something if you don't know it's there." And just for a moment, Nic smiled faintly as she tugged up the sleeve she normally marked to uncover a spotless wrist, just for emphasis. Sure, one day without a line wasn't the end of things, but it was a start she'd have never gotten to without him not pulling punches.

"If she'd never met me, she'd probably still be with Thom Harkin, who's probably a lot more stable than I am, and she'd have a happier, normal existence, or as much as can be had in this town." Caleb said, believing that. So she might not have got to where she is. It was possible. She'd always had a suicidal streak, with her fixation on her mother and everything, but still. He had to believe Thom would have been the better choice. But then again that played back into what else he believed about things--that she wanted him because of the damage there. The darkness that just drew her in like a moth to a flame, and it was just as damaging. That still felt sick to him, a cracked notion that was unhealthy as all hell, but what the fuck did he know. He looked over when she showed her wrist, and that made him give her a faint smile. "Good job." he told her genuinely. That he did consider a good thing--progress. But then Nic faced things head on by default, which he appreciated about her.

Nic smiled a touch for the praise, nudging her foot into his leg after a moment. "Since when do you honestly think happy and normal go hand in hand? Happy and ignorant, maybe. Or repressed and repressed," she argued without much heat. It wasn't her butting heads, just feeling out his perspective on all of this. "You said you related, didn't you? So... she wouldn't have had anyone to relate to, and whatever it was in her would've still been boiling on it's own. I'm not saying one's better than the others? I'm still splashing around in the shallow end of the pool, you know? But she sounds like a rockball to me, I'll make you one this winter. Take a rock, pack snow around it, peg a fool with it. Yeah, it can get bigger and bigger with more snow? But there's a rock at the core, and that's what fucking hurts. You or Harkin, it doesn't matter who packed the snow on, someone would end up with a welt."

"I didn't say they went hand in hand. I said I think that's what she would have gotten if she'd not met me and just stuck with him." Caleb said. "She told me she loved him enough times." Which had always struck him as a really fucked up thing to say to someone who you were interested in. Because she'd done that. Repeated it. Pounded that point home enough. He didn't share that though. "And maybe relating to someone like me was the wrong kind of common ground to find." he said. And it so very much rode the line. Because they were opposing forces, metaphysically speaking. She was an angel, and him? Yeah. "You think she was what...just waiting to snap on someone and it happened to be me?"

Ouch. That was a loaded question. But if there was anything Nic really respected about herself and Caleb, it was that neither of them flinched from the rough questions. "Maybe," she answered, thinking on it, "I mean, who tells the person they're with that they were in love, but now they're with you? Or even says it to someone they're just drawn to? Maybe she was looking for someone who wanted her enough to not care that she was in love, someone who didn't flinch from causing that kind of damage. Maybe she hoped you were selfish enough to just want her and say 'fuck the rest of the world'. If you were, then when this happened you'd say it again and not care that she was showing trauma. You'd want her. Despite loving someone else, despite needing help, you name it." Of course, that was a lot of conjecture about the ex coming from the... whatever she was. "But, y'know, I've never even met her. So I could be entirely wrong."

Caleb thought about that. "...what, like some whirlwind fairytale bullshit romance novel fuckery?" he asked. "Like just let my dick do all the thinking, and go with that?" he continued. And that came directly from something she'd said in the orphanage. Because right up there in her tirade about what she wanted from him was 'I want you to fuck me' or something along those lines. No. It was exactly those lines. He remembered. Clearly. Occasionally he wondered if things were fucked up there. Darkness and everything else being wrapped up in sex and somehow that broke her brain. But there was so much else in there too, he knew it couldn't be the whole picture. "She called me a bulldog." he said which he knew was random, but it was crossing his mind, and this was the most in depth he was getting to talk about it. Since she seemed willing, he was going to. "Said I adopted people and protected them, that it wasn't personal affection, it was just what I did." he said. "Then said that when I pushed her away that it took away everything that came before or...I don't know."

There was a hard twitch in Nic's cheek for a moment, just under her eye as ire flashed there. Old instincts to throw a punch rose up at hearing that someone who supposedly cared so much would doubt Caleb like that, but of course she couldn't do anything with them. Still, it was offensive to even hear. From what Nic knew, caring about the people he 'adopted' was nearly all he let himself do. "Like... more than just the dick," she murmured, trying to bury her temper, "Sure, the sex would be a good expression of how all-consuming it should be, maybe. But it sounds like she wanted someone to build her whole world off of, and who'd do the same with her. And I mean, I like you? Shit, I'm a little retarded about you. But that's a tall fucking order to fill, no one is anyone's everyone." And that was good enough to level her out, a nice mixture of opinion and humor, with just a touch of personal affirmation.

Hearing Nic put things in those terms kind of clicked in his head correctly. "...I think that's exactly what she wanted." he said, quietly, a frown on his face as he drove, or, he drove for a little bit, then just past black rocks towards the parking spots that overlooked the cliffs down to the water, he pulled to a stop and parked the car, shifting to give her his full attention. "She never...like she didn't have other people in her life. When she was with Thom, I was kind of itish for anyone else around, and when she dropped Thom, she never really did much in the way of meeting new people. She was kind of friends with Peyton Marsh, but really...she never seemed interested. Like for me, I've got friends. Not a lot, or anything, and a lot of the ones I did have are gone now, but I've still got friends. I've got you, and Dean, and my brother's there, and with her...maybe you're right. maybe she decided that I should be it. The one that completed her or something. She said a lot..." He paused to drag his fingers through his hair. "She said things like I got inside her, and no one else ever had, and that I was the only person who ever made her feel like she wasn't alone...among other things."

There was definitely a surprised blink at the idea that she'd hit the nail square on the head. "I'm gonna sound like a bitch here? But whatever. That's, um... that's really kinda selfish sounding," Nic said, actually feeling a little bad for talking down about someone who'd needed help, "If she had all these twisted wires, she never had a chance to sort them out if she wouldn't let anyone see them, you know? And it sounds like she was just waiting for someone who'd want to, and then she wouldn't have to." Nic smiled faintly, shaking her head. "I think everyone wants to feel less alone, but completing each other? I always thought you needed to be complete to even connect with someone else, and if you're not? Then yeah, you're lonely, and you're waiting for someone who can just fill in the gaps instead of you doing it yourself. That's... shit, Caleb, I'll just say it. That's fucking uneven as all hell."

"I'm not complete." Caleb said. Because he didn't think he was. In fact he was fairly positive that he was missing some vital bits. The things that made him not human, and what came along with that whole half-demon package. "I wouldn't say that I'm waiting for someone else to fill in the gaps for me though." he added. "The uneven thing, though....I think that's what struck me the most about things. It was...to me it felt like she was there for me when I was in the hospital. And after that, she wasn't. It was all about her, and her angst over having broken up with her boyfriend, and--maybe I was just supposed to step in the second I found out about that or something, but I didn't. I--she told me she loved the guy. Really made that clear and I think I'm repeating myself there. But still, she did. It didn't feel right. And then later, we sort of gave things a shot and everything, but there was night..." he trailed off there. Yeah he didn't even want to go there right now. "Things went a little sideways to say the least. and somewhere in there I think I realized that she expected me to hold her up. To take care of her, and I can barely look after myself, I definitely can't full time take care of someone else. Especially not someone as high maintenance as her. And that sounds shitty, but it's the truth."

"First? Different definitions of 'complete'," Nic clarified, "And maybe I'm going off bad impressions of you here." She didn't think she was, but with someone as familiar-yet-unknowable as Caleb, it was possible. "I meant it more like... you know yourself. Hell, I'm not complete, Caleb. I've got fourteen years missing, but I know who I am now. You? I think you know who you are pretty well, even if you don't like it, or it means you can't take care of people full time. You know it, you can admit it. You have a full map of yourself." All of that definitely helped her move past whatever 'there was a night' might've entailed. As much as Nic would listen and help? There were definitely spots that'd make her squirm.

"Second, if she expected you to anchor her? And it's me speculating? But it'd be because she loved Harkin, and she gave it up for you. But that's a double-bind, right? If she loved him, she'd be with him. If she didn't, what was she giving up? Was she just hoping you'd believe it and commit yourself?" Nic sighed quietly, watching him intently in her curled seat in the car. The uncertainty was still in his eyes, but she felt better just being here, listening to him talk things out. "Third? Okay, you were together for a week, she was there for you in the hospital. Does that mean she wanted you to be her foundation a week after you got out of the psych ward? Because no offense, but that's an unrealistic damned expectation."

He could accept her definition of complete that way. The knowing himself well thing. That he thought he did have going, he'd had a lot of time for introspection, after all. "I give you the point about knowing myself well." he told her first, because it was a valid observation, and he wanted to let her know that. "So because she dumped her boyfriend, I was obligated to do what she wanted?" he asked, trying to understand. He was half counting on Nic to help him with girl-brain things because he knew there was one hell of a lot he just Did Not Get. Women were a mystery to him a lot of the time. "I think she did. I mean, I was a lot better by the time I got out...maybe I was just a little too good at covering for how well I may or may not be doing. I know this much--I wasn't capable of it. I can help people out if they need me, I can be there...I just can't be there on a constant basis, I need...there has to be give and take."

Nic didn't look too hopeful as she considered the question Caleb had asked, shoulders hunching uncertainly. "I don't know, honestly. I think that if I dumped someone for someone else, I'd expect at least a shot with the new guy. Maybe she expected more," she mused, "Like... whatever happened with you while she was dating Harkin made her think she could find that same feeling? Or something better, even. So she dumped him, you and her imploded, and... she didn't have anything suddenly." She wasn't sure it was uniquely a female line of thinking, but if it was even somewhat accurate, Nic could see how it'd fuck with someone's head. "Caleb, you shouldn't even have to say that there needs to be give and take. Seriously. That's how people make friends, so I hear," she went on with a wink and a push of her foot on his leg, "Rely on each other, all that shit?"

He quirked a faint smile at that, and reached out to sort of half rest his hand comfortably on her foot, keeping it where it was. "It might have gone the way she might've wanted it to if she wasn't entirely distraught and messed up over her break up with Thom." Caleb said. "Maybe she should have just dicked us both over and gone for both of us. Maybe that way she would have got everything she needed." Not that he would have accepted that. And he was fairly sure that Thom wouldn't have either. "But yeah, she broke up with him and then it was all tears and angst and crying and...just fucked up badness, and did I mention the part where she told me at this point that she'd loved him? So...I don't know." he said. "It wasn't the world's best come on."

"And yet people wonder why I hate my gender," Nic mused jokingly, trying to encourage the flicker of a smile on Caleb's lips. She'd managed this in the past, talking out whatever was on his mind and bringing him through it to a point where he seemed better than when they'd started. "Maybe she wanted you two to get sweet on each other, and then she could pick and choose," she went on, head shaking a moment later. "Seriously though, the love thing is just weird. If it was like she loved him but wasn't in love with him? Different story, even if I think that's a line of bullshit in general. Whatever happened to make her choose you more or less disproved that. Even if love doesn't conquer all, it's supposed to be resilient at the very least, right? And, like, patient and trusting? That's what I hear when my mom gets to pick out the movies."

"So the secret of the universe is everyone should be forced to draw lessons from chickflicks?" Caleb asked, giving her an amused little half smirk. It didn't last long, but it made an appearance. "I have no idea what she wanted, or why she did things the way she did. I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to understand what actually happened there, because every time I look back on it and try to figure it out? It still makes no fucking sense. Though if we're going with the 'she's honestly crazy' thing, then maybe it just made sense to her, and it doesn't to the rest of us because she's working with a faulty worldview. Which kind of just...makes me feel worse. Like I should have caught it then."

With a sigh and a wiggle of her foot under his hand, Nic shook her head. "Unless you're a psychic? You'd have no way of catching it early. All you saw was, it sounds like, someone who was willing to sacrifice to be with you. To weather a shitstorm because you could do it too. I think that resonates with you, buddy," she observed, "And it's not something to feel bad or worse over. Everyone wants some level of connection, so much so that I'm sure in her case, she pushed down these feelings of you completing her at first, because it'd be too much, too soon. Which still doesn't explain everything, but I like that theory more than your 'I screwed the pooch' one. Maybe, maybe you could've handled things better, but don't go deciding you could've stopped this, or even minimized it. We're here now, and what happened happened. So you keep trying to help now, I'll keep watching your back and pretending I know how all the other girls think."

"Well, you're better at knowing the female brain than I am." Caleb said. Then he paused. "...like why did I get in trouble for not talking to her for a few days?" he asked. "....mind you this was well after we'd broken up and everything. I saw her and got a lot of shit for not having called." Which again made him appreciate that Nic hadn't.

Nic sighed as she settled back against the door of the car again, putting an unlit cigarette in her lips. She didn't really want a smoke, but fidgeting was good at times like these. "Back in Green Bay, I got, like... Sex Pistols drunk one night, right? Fooled around with this guy I knew a little bit, the next day it was a little weird. So I called him on it, and he said he just wanted to be friends. Which was fine, until the fucker actively avoided me for like a week. Maybe if you and Leija were supposed to be cool, she started worrying that you were pulling the 'just friends' avoidance trick? Or maybe she wanted you around every day so she could try and work things out."

"Well, I know she wanted to work things out. Hell, I half wonder if I told her tomorrow that I wanted her back and shit if she'd go for it. Which is just...yeah that's scary. No other word for it, really." Caleb said. "I'm used to being the obsessive one in relationships but she kind of puts me to shame." he added. "Or that's what it feels like." Especially the night in the orphanage when he'd had her lay it all out there and she had. Ohhh had she ever.

It was scary to wonder if someone would repress that much damage in the name of what they thought could make them happy. Sadly, Caleb had just said as much, he didn't need pointless agreements. "Wait," Nic opted for, "You're the obsessive one? Is that where my painting came from?" Sure, it had been before anything had happened, but they'd hung around together so much in that time that maybe it was the case. "You saying you're obsessed with me now, Lockwood?"

"I'm saying I have an obsessive mindframe, and you can do with that what you want." Caleb said, because he wasn't actually planning on selling himself out. Like saying he would follow her home if he couldn't walk her home, or that he hung around to make sure she was inside and alright, or that he spun his wheels on her a lot when she wasn't around. "As for the painting, I draw what's on my mind. I had paints, that time I painted what was on my mind. By that criteria, every artist would be obsessed with the subject of their artwork. ... not that I'm an artist."

"You are," Nic complimented quietly, figuring Caleb didn't like praise any more than she did, but wanting to get her say, "And I'm glad you've got an obsessive mind, keeps me from getting bored." And while Nic didn't often feel lonely? She figured that if Caleb was just gone, she'd feel it. So maybe she could empathize with Leija in some lesser extent, though the full scope of it? Nowhere close. "So if you happened to have supplies to paint again, it'd be a good thing, right?" she asked, thinking that maybe she'd take him tagging some night.

"It would be nice. I just don't want to hit up my brother for things. I don't think he'd care, I just...I don't know. It's not his responsibility." Caleb said, stumbling through that a little. Math hadn't really seemed like getting him some new clothes or whatever had put him out or anything but still. It was just a twitch in the back of Caleb's head. He didn't want charity. Even if it was with the best intentions and wasn't even considered by the giving party.

The faint awkwardness there was actually surprising in a cute sense, which was one Nic didn't ever think she'd see Caleb in. Normally his self-conscious moments were full of deprecation, that was just... slightly aware. "Not mine either," she said, deciding not to press it, "Just something for me to keep in mind, since I've been wanting to go painting again in general." She sighed quietly, uncurling her other leg and presumptuously resting both feet in the space between them. "And, um, thanks. For letting me ask about everything. Wanted to make sure you were cool, or on your way to it."

He smiled a little at her. "Thanks for asking in the first place." he said. Because not everyone would. Especially in her position, which he knew had to make things at least a little weird for her. Though, for Nic, probably less so than any other girl in the world. He wondered if he asked Nic to go see her if that would be pushing through and say, breaking the line there. Probably. that didn't mean the idea wasn't in his mind. He just didn't articulate it quite yet. "And isn't it cold to go painting in your particular fashion?" he asked. Though his tone suggested that he didn't really believe that would stop her.

"Cold enough that the cops won't bug me," Nic asserted, smirking across to Caleb. "All it takes is the want. And layer after layer of clothing. Check this out," she explained, sitting forward a little and pulling the varied collars of her tops back one by one. "Coat, hoodie, t-shirt, thermal, and if I'm relying on a bra for warmth? I deserve to freeze." Wobbling for a moment, Nic took the time to shirk her coat; the inside of the car was warm enough to lose at least one layer. She would've laughed if she'd known Caleb's idea; Nic had considered if it'd hit the level of 'Too Weird' if she visited Leija, thinking it likely. "Write this down, Lockwood, we'll get you through this winter if I have to zip up your snow-suit myself."

He laughed at that. "That'll be the day." he said, and kept back the little innuendo that came to mind about her working other zippers if she wanted to. He really didn't want to go there right now. "But okay, cold enough that they leave you alone. Good to know. Maybe some night then." Which reminded him that he needed to go breaking and entering with Dean soon, and that made him think about Dean, and things dimmed again. "Can I ask you something? Do you think that all the bullshit going on lately...think that's centered in Marquette specifically?" he asked, not jading it any way, just asking the question.

Her brow creased as Nic balked at that idea. "Centered here?" No. No fucking way. That was her surface reaction, the one that didn't really incorporate the supernatural world into everyday dealings. But that side of her hadn't formed around knowledge of vampires, spirits, and more. "Maybe?" Nic mused uncertainly, shaking her head, "I... I know you don't hear about werewolf attacks anywhere else. Those vampire gangs, they were coming here, this was where they were biggest. And... shit, Caleb? We both had fucking poltergeists, and even if everyone in the world can see the ghosts? No one outside of here's dealing with this shit. But... why here?"

"Well...do you think that the werewolves were even reported anywhere else? And if so that they were reported as werewolves? The vamps were reported as 'gangs'." Caleb said. "So, other places, this shit could just be hidden in the bullshit that people would dub it as." Which wasn't a comforting thought, he knew. "Because really? We didn't hear about werewolf attacks either. We heard about wild animal attacks." He was quiet a moment or two. "So you think that this shit's just here, and the rest of the world isn't dealing with it." he added, since that seemed to be what she was saying.

"I don't know," Nic confessed, head shaking and working her braids free, "But, okay, even if it was reported as gangs? I've never heard about gang warfare with that kind of death toll anywhere else. And what about those shadow things? If... if it's not just here, it's hitting here early. Maybe even first." She'd heard her mother mention, back during the crises, how low supplies got in parts of the hospital and that their supplier couldn't believe what was happening. "And we didn't hear about animal attacks elsewhere. Maybe it's not news-worthy. But even then? There's weirdness here, I know that." I work for an angel, I make out with a magic user, got bitched at by a ghost, have lunch with a shapeshifter. Oh, and I nearly am a magic user too.

"How often do you read the news?" Caleb asked, since he knew most people their age kind of just ignored that sort of thing on principal. "I would imagine that the animal attacks didn't exactly make national news, either. I mean fuck, the whole 'terrorist' thing? That didn't make international news. It barely made the news anywhere but here." he pointed out. "I know there's weirdness here. I know that more of it happens here. My question is if you really think it's only here." he said. "Which that's the impression I'm getting. I had a talk with Dean earlier about it and just...I think it's pretty naive. Maybe it's just me."

Her head shook again as Nic sighed, biting her lip a bit. "No, I don't think it's only here. Those vampires came up through Wisconsin, right? And a big city? It has to have all sorts of shit that gets covered up. Just, it seems like it's harder to hide here, or there's more of it. Does Dean think it's all local or something?" Nic raised her cigarette to chew at the filter anxiously, looking down at her outstretched legs fixedly. "I know it'd assume a lot, but... since I found out about everything? With you, from my books, all of it? It makes me wonder if something like all of that happened to me..." Why else wouldn't there be any trail to find? No family, no reports of a missing child, nothing?

"I think Dean wants to think that it's only here." Caleb said. "He's got family back home, that's a pretty far way to be away from people you care about. I think he just wants to tell himself that it's all fine, that they'll be fine because they're over there." He sighed. "It just worries me. But then a lot of shit worries me." He was quiet for a long moment, eyes on her. "You decide yet about whether or not you really want to go digging?" he asked, tone mild.

She could've agreed, there was plenty that worried Nic too. What if her mother had been on a different floor the night the werewolves hit? What if the vampires had raided the hospital? But Caleb probably knew she feared that sort of thing, and he'd asked her a fairly vital question. "I thought about it," she answered, looking down at her lap for a moment, "And I don't want to yet. Maybe soon? But, like, I need to make sure I'm around for my mom in a few weeks, I know she's gonna need it." Nic wanted proof in place that she wasn't going to drop from her mother's life suddenly. "And... what if I find out that there's nothing? Even if I find out what happened? If I had someone out there, they'd be looking for me, right?"

"Maybe. Depends." Caleb said. "If bad shit went down--whether or not it has anything to do with the fucked up in the world, if the trouble wasn't over, if there was someone out there who cared about you--if you disappeared and were somewhere being cared for and not in the middle of it? If it was me, I'd be trying to take care of shit myself and left you where you were safe." he admitted. "And I told you before that...well. I don't know if it's doable or not, but possibly helping with your dreams." Even if he knew they weren't really 'dreams'. Dreams didn't make you useless the next day. No, those were nightmares and he knew about them. Nic's just happened so much more often.

She could see the logic, but it didn't offer any comfort. Even if it meant she was safe, Nic thought it seemed cruel to leave someone behind with no idea of who they'd been or how they got there. "Maybe," she said to his offer, honestly unnerved by the possibility of finding out exactly what she dreamed about. Even if there might be answers, the fear she always woke with was a daunting thing to confront. "Find out if it could work, I'll need some time. Y'know, think about shit," Nic explained, wishing she could commit more faith to what was clearly an effort to help.

"I will." Caleb said, thinking that at least he could do something. Or feel like he was doing something. That would be good. He always felt better when there was some kind of definitive action he could take, even if it was indirect. So long as it wasn't just standing by. "I'll find out what I can, and maybe we can talk about it soon." he said, remembering that Dean had mentioned again that he knew a dreamwalker, which he was hoping was one of those things who's abilities were fairly self explanatory.

"Would you be scared?" she asked abruptly, looking back up at Caleb. "I mean, with what we talked about before, right? When I said that maybe I was a serial killer, and you said if I was? I'm not any more. So... if there was something ugly that I lost, maybe I shouldn't know, you know?" That was a big part of her dilemma; what if the life she'd had was something that ruined the one she'd found? It could happen a dozen ways, she figured, and all of them stressed Nic out. "I mean, I keep finding more in the here and now that I like, feeling more like I'm me, like even if I had the facts in front of me, that old life would still just be a list of facts."

"I don't know." Caleb said honestly. "I think you've got to figure it out on yor own. I think I'd want to know about the nightmares. Beyond that? Not sure. You have a good life here. You love your mom, she loves you, you've got a friend here or there, you occasionally get made out with and you're not flunking out of school or anything. You've got a job...just you've got a life here. You could just take it."

She nodded, feeling like Caleb's insight there matched pretty closely with her own feelings. Yes, there was still a desire to know the truth, to fill the aching emptiness inside, but Nic wasn't sure it was worth risking what she'd found here. "That's what I want for now," she told him, "And if I ever get to the point where I need those answers? I'll let you know, I'll take the help." Gathering her courage up, Nic shifted around as she scooted across the gap in the seats, draping her legs across Caleb as she moved to settle on him. "Right now? I like where I am. I'd be retarded not to take it," Nic said in a quieter voice, settling against him without really pushing for anything. She just wanted the closeness.

Caleb smiled a little bit and shifted slightly, getting comfortable. It was a little strange, particularly coming from someone who was as non-snuggly-bunny as Nic, but it was nice, too. He leaned back, settled his arms around her loosely, and didn't say anything for a few moments. He didn't push for anything either, it just didn't feel like the right time. "'course, even if you find out about who you used to be, that doesn't mean you have to give any of this up, either." he said quietly.

It was strange to curl in like that, but at the same time it was what she wanted. With everything they'd talk about, pressing right in for physicality would've come off as crazy, even to Nic. And with the support he'd offered, the advice she'd given? It just felt like a logical next step. "I like that," she said back in a soft voice, "I think no matter what I might find? This is me. And this is something I'm not gonna give up." She sighed quietly, running silent thank-yous through her mind for a moment before chuckling. "Comfy under there?"

He smirked faintly and nodded. "Yeah, I'm comfy." he told her. "You seem comfortable. I didn't know I was furniture, but I guess you learn something new every day or whatever." he added. He started to trace along the seam of her sleeve, just a light little thing, back and forth. "But yeah you...you've got choices. And no matter what's in your past you can actually just opt to disregard it if you really want to. You'll have the support you need for it."

Smirking back, Nic's head turned to watch the slow passage of Caleb's fingers on her sleeve for a moment. She could just barely feel the contact, it was so light that it was just a pleasant distraction. And at the mention of support, Nic looked back, biting her lip fleetingly. "What're you doing tomorrow, after school?" she asked, "I, uh, I have this test at the kickboxing studio? Gotta win a fight to go into advanced classes... my mom has to work, but I thought maybe you'd want to see me wailing on another chick."

Caleb actually had to admit, that invite made him feel a little strange. Not bad-strange, more just...like this was a hell of a lot more like what dating was really like than he'd had before. And he wasn't even officially dating the girl. Going to something that meant something to her...yeah. This was weird. "An invite to a chick fight? I'm sold." he told her, leaning closer a little to knock his head very slightly against hers, just a light bump.

Her first reaction was to give him an out, but Nic remembered when she'd tried that with Halloween. He said yes when he wanted to, not because he felt obligated. "You might have to watch a few others, but hopefully it'll be entertaining," she told him, the smile on Nic's face plainly saying how pleased she was that he'd go. She leaned into the little bump, brushing her nose against his with a chuckle. "And in exchange, I'll come to your dance recital..."

"My ten minutes up already?" he asked, sighing a little bit, but it was for dramatic effect, not because he found her statement sigh-worthy. "You're really going to give me shit now, when you're all comfortable and using me for your chair? Sure that's a wise idea?" he asked her, tone casual, not making any moves that might tell her why it could be inadvisable.

Laughing quietly, Nic had actually forgotten about the time limit with all the more serious matters they'd been talking about until that moment. "I could just get my practice for tomorrow in now," she mock-threatened with more vigor in her voice than Caleb, giving light taps of both hands on his shoulders, "But like you said, I'm very comfortable. So comfy, in fact, that everything seems like a wise idea right now."

Caleb shook his head. "You don't want to fight me. No practicing." he told her. "Besides, too enclosed a space...outside there's those cliffs...watery doom beneath." he added, voice a light little murmur. "And everything?" he asked, because he couldn't not. Not with an opening like that. He couldn't pass it up.

That was why Nic needed a four second delay between thought and speech; it was far from the first time Caleb had put her on the spot just by pointing out what she'd said. "Well yeah, everything," she murmured back, not having even leaned back from him yet. One hand curled down in search of Caleb's where it played with her sleeve as the other felt for the seat-recline lever. "Like... it's probably wise for me to move? But I think it's a better idea to do this..." Nic added, eyes dancing as she tugged the lever, dropping them both back abruptly. "So... there's a conflict of interests," she added, helpless against her smile as she settled against Caleb.

He knew what she was doing, he just didn't stop her at all. And again, he was given the feeling of this being a lot more like what dating was probably meant to be like than what he generally did. Maybe that was his problem. He shifted a little, getting more comfortable on the now reclined seat, and he smirked, looking up at the ceiling of the car, the cracked dome light. He'd never noticed it was cracked before and vaguely wondered when that had happened. "And what would your interests at this very moment entail?" he asked her.

Nic settled a hand on Caleb's chest to keep from just draping herself on him entirely. If that happened? She'd start kissing somewhere, and she still wasn't sure it was the best idea. "Bad, bad things," she said, turning a little to aim the words at one ear, "Things that would seal our dooms in a horror movie. Which is another reason I'm glad I got layered when I came out tonight." Nic scooted back a bit, sighing as her nerves kept her from pushing things and figuring a little space was a good start. "You..." she murmured, folding her arms on his chest, "Complicate me immensely."

Caleb's immediate thought was that more layers just meant there was more to take off, and that could be fun, but he didn't share it. Instead, he twisted it. "You're glad you got layered because we might be in a horror movie? Are we in a slasher flick, or something else?" he asked. His eyes were back on her, and he kind of liked the view she presented there. She looked comfortable. Maybe a little nervous, or something, but comfy, anyways. Like she trusted him. It wasn't a bad feeling. He brought one arm back behind his head to pillow it, and relaxed again. "Do I now." he said. "How's that?"

"Around here, who knows what the movie is," she answered as she propped her chin on her arms, studying him intently, "But hell yes, the layers work. If it's creatures? I'll stay warm when I'm running. Slasher? Well, you've got some progress to make before we're in danger." Nic rolled her head to one arm, the other reaching out to toy with the very front locks of hair at the peak of Caleb's brow. "And you? You... motivate me. You showed me I needed to get my shit together. That I need some control. But you complicate it by making me want to ditch that control and just..." she didn't finish, instead giving a low sort of eager sound in her throat.

He smiled, just a faint little bit. It wasn't quite a smirk, but there was an amused factor to it. "And just..." he prompted, because he wanted to know if she'd say it. And what it would sound like when she did, if she did. For some reason right then, he just really wanted to hear the words, and figured that'd be a sound he could add into the echoes in his head. There were enough awful sounds there, but some good ones. He couldn't call whether he thought she would, or if she'd get cutely bashful like she did upon occasion.

She had two choices, really. Nic could bury her face in his sweatshirt when she spoke to hide the embarrassment, or she could actually try asserting the want she felt, being confident about it. Opting for the second, she moved bodily up the length of Caleb to tuck her head in near his ear, smiling when her eyes passed his. "And just see which of us I can strip down faster," she whispered in a low voice, a rush of breath washing against his ear when she said it. "You always cover up, Lockwood," Nic went on, nuzzling the curve of his ear, "And I may not get to see you? But that doesn't mean I don't want to feel you... or have you feel me."

Right, so he'd asked for that. He had to keep in mind that he'd asked for it. Because hearing that, and the way she crawled up, and her breath in his ear...yeah that all added in together to get a rather immediate effect. God, yes. His breath hitched just a tiny bit, a fraction of a second. His free arm moved, his hand resting on her side, lower towards her hip but not quite on it. He knew she wouldn't really want to see him. Or he wouldn't want her to. He didn't know if feeling him would be just as bad. All the marks that crossed over themselves, raised edges, some smooth, some ragged. But he did want to feel her. He really did. Worse than he was willing to own up to. "The feeling you part I can get on board with..." he said, voice quiet.

Nic figured his scars had to be bad, and that they might freak her out, but she did want to see. She'd loved the odd feel of his back under her nails, after all. However bad it was? It was still Caleb. Of course, as nice as the sentiment was, she doubted it'd hold up to that first exposure. "Gotta pay the ticket price," she purred as Nic reached down and hauled her sweatshirt up. Her vision went dark for a brief moment as she worked free of the hoodie, peeling down to the t-shirt and long sleeves beneath it, then pressing back into Caleb. "But I thought you might be a fan of the idea," that, before she teased his ear with her lips ever so slightly, a hint of restraint being used there.

He watched her as she took the hoodie off, and thought again that he really liked the view. He put his hand back where it had been, though he sought out just a little bit of skin. Just enough to brush his thumb across her side, no more than that. "What's the ticket price?" he asked, half wondering if there was anything he'd not go for to go through with things. He wanted to. Damn did he want to. And somewhere in the back of his mind he recognized that this was really just going to end in frustration, but he couldn't be bothered to care.

"Simple, really," she breathed into his ear, her exhale hitching when Caleb's thumb brushed skin, "You get what you give here, buddy." And on those words? Nic gave in, leaning to bite Caleb's neck in the spot he was so fond of marking on her, lingering briefly before trailing along his jawline. She stopped just shy of his lips, eyes flashing in the dark of the car. "I take one off of you, you can take one off of me. And I won't look if you don't want me to," she explained, feeling actually pretty devious as she reached behind her head and let her hair fall free, "But I reserve the right to touch..."

Caleb twitched a bit. Most of the things she was doing were more than holding his attention, and begging for more, but there was one huge, immovable snag in his head. Which was if she wanted that, it might be possible at one point, they'd get there, but they were in a car. In a public place. And he was still twitchy about the idea of her catching sight of all the scars, he didn't even want to contemplate what might happen if someone else had the idea to go for a drive tonight and park for a while. Or if park security showed up. "Nic, I..." he started, not even sure how to go about explaining himself at the moment. The massively conflicting ideas there didn't help at all.

There were plenty of little cues to pick up on, even if Caleb had only said two bare words. Nic felt him tense slightly beneath her, and not in a way like he enjoyed himself. The playful want was gone from his voice, and he hadn't even managed to finish the sentence. Near instantly, she thought she'd figured out the problem: lines, or the lack of them. The talk had been good for both of them but Nic wondered if maybe she assumed the physical side always came after, if she'd been wrong to go this far. "It's okay," she murmured while still in close, keeping her smile steady as she slipped her hands off of Caleb, reaching up to gather her hair again. "I... we've got the limits we're supposed to have. I shouldn't have pushed," she went on, sitting back on Caleb's legs as she worked to force the burn from her cheeks.

"It's not that." he said. Even if part of him thought it probably should be that. But it wasn't, and he wasn't going to say it was just because it would be easier. He also wanted to reach up and stop her from putting her hair back up, because he liked it down, but didn't. "It's me. I've got...y'know. Issues." he told her, knowing that sounded stupid. "I just...if you want to see the scars, then that's one thing, and we could probably work up to that at some point. But we're in a car in a public place, and park security is usually a bitch. So...I just...give me time on that, okay?" he asked, feeling like he needed to apologize as well. And after a moment, he did. "I'm sorry."

Even if she believed him, which Nic did, it was nearly impossible to not feel embarrassed in the moment. She'd put herself out there, pressed in for the closeness, and... this. And he had good reasons, and the ones Nic had pointed out were just as pertinent as Caleb's own. It was just rough to deal with. But she was going to deal, she didn't have any other choice that she wanted to take. "You've got time," Nic murmured with a slight nod, pressing down on Caleb's chest to brace herself and kissing his chin, then swinging one leg back over the divide between seats. "And don't be sorry, you're really damned right. I just kinda... got lost in the moment."

He winced, because yeah. There was no good way to do that, and he really didn't want her to move, or anything, but...right. She'd hit a twitch-point, and there wasn't anything for that, at least, not right this second. "I'm sorry." he said again, because he was, and he wanted her to know that. He pushed the seat back up, and looked at the steering wheel for a good hard moment before chancing a glance at her. "...you know it's not anything to do with you....right?" he asked, because he thought that was really a pertinent bit of information.

Did she know? Did she really? Nic fixed a thoughtful gaze on Caleb as she twisted to avoid kneeing him, climbing back to her own seat and sitting sideways. "Well, it is to do with me, kinda," she argued eventually, shoving her foot against Caleb's leg, "And stop with the apologizing, seriously. Whatever the reason, it was the right call." Sighing quietly, Nic reached to fidget with her hair, pinching a few loose strands and tugging them behind her ear. "I didn't... I didn't think how you'd feel about that, just about how I think you do when we're close. So I'm the one who's sorry. Just, it's fucking tough, Caleb. I'm rock solid until I'm about five feet from you and then I turn stupid. Really stupid. I know we're doing what we need to be? But it makes me think I'm not strong enough, that I keep putting it all on you."

He did have issues with her putting it all on him but at the moment, those weren't the most prominent in his mind. Those were rather secondary at best, in comparison to her saying it was to do with her kinda. He didn't like the sound of that. "No, it's to do with the fact that I've got issues, Nic, it's not you. I'm self conscious, and I wouldn't even mind so much you touching them, or...or anything like that, you have kind of." If her nails counted, and he wasn't sure they did. "Just right here, right now, and all at once, that's too much for me to get over all at the same time. Anyone else would have been all for it." Of course, anyone else already would have been going out with her as well. "So, this is definitely a me issue."

"I get that, I do, but I push too," she pointed out, nodding at his words, "I'm not trying to take it all on me or anything? I know we can handle this, it's something to deal with over time, I just... you know what I'm saying." Caleb had actually gotten through to her, even, it was just an awkward moment Nic had to deal with on her own terms. "When it's right, when we're both ready, I'm here, okay? I won't care about touching them, just you." She smirked in the dark of the car, shaking her head Caleb's way, "Fucking hell, Lockwood. Any other guy on the planet, I would've slugged and bailed out of the car by now."

Well it's pretty fucking hard to touch me without touching scars... went through Caleb's mind but he didn't say it. "Good to know I have more staying power than that." he observed, still feeling off and bad about things. "I just want you to know that it's not you, it's just...a me and the fact that I'm fairly fucked up thing. and yeah, you push, but it's not like I'm complaining about that."

As much as the majority of Caleb's thoughts were unknowable to Nic, she could at least see that he was still thrown by all of this in some sense. "I know it, I really do," she stressed, "Even if I think you're less fucked up than you do? I don't know the full score yet, so... yeah. But don't worry about me here, cool? I'm gonna react like a 'tard to most shit, but not to this." Or, more likely she would, but she'd be able to realize it on her own, and sort through her feelings. "And if you're not complaining? Extra cool, it means I can start at square one of the self-control game again."

Caleb didn't quite know what to say, and so he took the time to start the car moving again, backing out of the space they'd been in to finish going round the island. Driving would give him something he could concentrate on, anyways. "Not sure either one of us is really that well endowed with self control." Even if Caleb hadn't actually done anything to push the limits of his own. He just always expected he'd crack at any given moment.

When are you going to give yourself some credit? Nic wondered silently, knowing she couldn't say it out loud. "I dunno, it's not something you just start out with," she mused instead, "Gotta build it up, I think. Learn to deny what you want and be okay with not having it." That was what she was doing, at least; trying to keep away from him in the hopes that once things were right, he'd have a chance to explain his issues and she'd have exhausted any and all attempts to sabotage herself.

"Never was very good at denying myself things." Caleb said, believing that, even if it didn't happen to be the truth. He had a jaded view of it, most certainly. But then he always did judge himself on a much harsher scale than he should. It helped keep him in line, in his own mind. It didn't allow for anything to slip. "I think for me it's different. It's less denying what I want and being okay with it as I know I have good reasons for that denial and I don't want to go back on that." he added out of the blue a good minute later.

"Could've fooled me," Nic argued jokingly at his statement about denying himself, cracking her window and lighting up to fight her tension. "And isn't that kinda the same thing? Being okay with something and knowing the reasons are right? I mean, it's not like you have to be happy over it, but if you can feel like you're playing it correct, then that's okay enough for me." Aside from his mysterious 'reasons', they were actually parallel there. Nic didn't like the situation with them waiting, but she had enough trust that Caleb needed the wait for her to endure it. And just the idea of doing that for both of their sakes alleviated the misery, by and large, reduced it to a tolerable strain.

"I guess." he said, taking her point. he was starting to drive aimlessly, following up the lakeshore. "I think maybe my emphasis is just on that rather than the denial." he said. "It's more that's the result, and not the cause, if that makes sense." he added, still spinning his wheels on it. It made sense in his head, though he couldn't be sure it made sense outside of it. He was aware a lot of things he did didn't necessarily add up correctly.

"Good," Nic asserted, "Don't get hung up on the denial, you're toeing some religious fervor shit there." She smirked a touch, knowing the joke didn't help but feeling like things were still very much in a weird, not entirely good place. "We're cool, you know," Nic reminded him, not really watching their surroundings pass by, "Like, this sort of thing? Yeah, awkward, but whatever. Doesn't really even bump the fact that I relax around you, nerd. Everything that's weird'll get figured out if we can deal with each other's issues, I bet." Which was something she knew was founded in ignorance, but without the facts? Nic could only trust her hunches.

I doubt that. Caleb thought, but he knew that it was just part of him feeling rather defeatist at the moment. And he did know that things were strange, and he wanted them to not be, but didn't know how to fix it, either. Maybe it'd fix itself, and he should concentrate on other things. He'd just never been a guy who was especially good at letting things lie. If there was something bugging, he wanted to pick at it until it stopped, or something. 'Time heals all wounds' wasn't a phrase he put much stock in. "I hope you can deal with mine." he said. And that included what he hadn't told her.

That actually sounded pretty defeatist to Nic, which she somewhat expected. His scar issues, her awkward self-consciousness, and now a return to the things that went unsaid? Batting a thousand tonight, she chided herself. "If I could lie? I'd just flat-fucking-out say I can. But there's no passing that one off here. Best I can do is remember fucking Civics class, and the idea that new shit gets weighed against old." Dangerous as it was to ride like this, Nic curled sideways in her seat, hugging her knees into her chest as she leaned against the headrest and watched Caleb's profile. "You've got a strong fucking case built up so far, so I'm gonna try."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "...thanks for that." he said, and there was honesty in his tone. He knew that it had helped with Dean, and telling him everything. He figured that the things he'd done before dropping the D-word had really had to help his case. Otherwise? Well. He'd be out a friend at best, and possibly all dead-like at worst. He gave a light little half smirk. "How strong a case?" he asked.

"If I didn't know you by now, I'd think you were fishing for a compliment," Nic teased, encouraged by the flicker of a smirk, "But that's as likely as me going blonde tomorrow." Still, she was thinking about it, not wanting to gush on the myriad levels he'd helped to get her shit together, to keep her safe, or just to get her feeling exposed to someone else in an amazing way. "Pretty strong. You could take out a clown mid-birthday party and I'd acquit you," she offered, smirking back at Caleb.

"god. Please not blonde..." Caleb said, making a show of a wince at that idea. Generally, he wasn't a guy who went for them. He liked brunettes, really. Leija had even been a little out there, being a redhead and all. When she said the bit about the clown and all, that actually got him. He laughed. It was a proper laugh too, and he shook his head, flashing a grin at her for a moment. "That's pretty damn strong." he agreed. "What about mimes? Where are they on this scale?"

Encouraged, Nic definitely went with it as she grinned wider at him. "Depends, I think. You're guaranteed at least two before you get in trouble, since they're half the creepy of a normal clown? But I'd clear you for like... a mime-spree if you got creative with it. Lock some in a invisible box, blow one off a cliff maybe? You're a sharp one, buddy, you could surprise me I bet. And before you ask, magicians are also covered under my 'guilt free acquittals' policy."

"They were my next question." Caleb said mock-seriously. "But good to know. So generally speaking, performance art of the weird variety is sort of blanketly covered so long as I'm creative, and I don't go overboard." he said as if he was noting this all down. That really served to lighten his mood quite a bit, so he appreciated that. "...where do cheerleaders fit in this game plan by chance?" he asked, smirking.

"Carte' blanche, motherfucker," she shot back near-instantly, as if it should be assumed naturally, "Then the dance squad, if you run out of cheerleaders." Nic knew they'd just decided to ignore the trickier topics for now, but she understood why, too. It wasn't something that would get worked out tonight, for certain, and Nic didn't want to think they'd part ways and he'd head home with shit on his mind. "Not that I'm encouraging you? Just letting you know that if you get caught in the center of a pep rally, you're free to escape however you have to."

"Well that's good to know, you really never know when one of those can ambush you." Caleb said with a serious tone. "That and there's a cheerleader who seems to take great pleasure in bothering me." he added. He hadn't seen Rah-Rah in a while but she popped up now and then. "So, not having to weigh consequences with you over homicide is a great weight off of my mind."

"Yeah, I think I still owe her an asskicking," Nic weighed in, knowing she wasn't actually going to do it for no reason, "Maybe clap between each smack, just so she's on familiar ground." In reality, of course? Nic didn't know how she'd handle Caleb killing a person, as opposed to the creatures she'd seen. But this topic was, at the very least, removed from reality by quite a bit. "You just let me know the next time she decides to pollute your airspace, deal?"

"What, so you can come in and start 'bitch, get offa my man' shit?" Caleb asked. "Wouldn't that be a little bit too much like me calling to be rescued by a girl?" he asked doubtfully, having to admit, the whole chick fight thing would probably interest him in a purely bad way, and he shouldn't think about it.

Nic gave a throaty laugh of amusement, wanting to reach out and make some kind of contact in the moment. "Okay, one? That'd mean you're my man, and I think I missed a memo if that's the case." She'd want to frame that memo if it was. "And two," Nic went on, biting her lip to fight her smile, "I don't think it's a rescue. You can tolerate her shit, but you shouldn't have to. It's more like a deterrent, I'm good at that."

"Well, officially, I'm not, there's nothing in writing, but generally...." He considered himself that way. But then despite all the bullshit said about just keeping things as friends with the occasional benefit, he wasn't wired to run with the practicality of that. He'd been kissing her like she was his girlfriend for a while now, and really considered himself to be 'taken'. He really defeated the purpose of not calling it what it was and he was sure guys everywhere were rolling their eyes over his waste of a perfectly good opportunity. But whatever, he couldn't alter the way his head worked. "So what would you do?" he asked curiously.

"To the cheerleader?" she asked, smirking, "I dunno. Can't bring out a beatdown for no good reason." Of course, Nic was tempted. She knew how to beat someone's ass efficiently, and doling out some violence to a cheerleader would do wonders for her infamy. "Maybe start with some good menace? She might be skittish, so all I'd have to do is get close," Nic explained, leaning over towards Caleb's ear, "And just give a good 'watch yourself, bitch'? She might back up. At worst I'd probably bounce her head off a locker, mess up her hair at the same time."

"Something tells me she isn't skittish." Caleb said. "She's survived conversations with me." he pointed out, amused. "But good to know. I think I'll be alright, I just wanted to have that clear shot in mind should it come up. I wouldn't want to risk anything with you, but she is a cheerleader and we all know how much I can't handle them." Though mostly it had been Chrissy he couldnt' stand. And she was toast, and he still didn't feel the slightest bit bad about being cheerful over that.

Chuckling at that, Nic nodded in agreement. "I can't handle them much more," she assured him, "I'd be washing my hands more than I do after a shift at the shop if I had to pop this cheerleader. I mean, if you want to see a catfight? Let me know, I've got past offenses to settle up." Turning her head, Nic smiled out at the bits of island passing by as Caleb drove. "Alternately? We could chill in public, insane as it sounds, and I could ward the idiots away from you."

Caleb thought about that. "Are you saying that because you'd like to, or just because it's technically a course of action that we could take?" he asked. Generally they didn't. Not because it was taboo or anything, generally, Caleb didn't hang out with anyone at school. That loner aspect of his personality kicked in hardcore. Granted he'd spent his lunch hour talking to Dean, but they'd needed to catch up anyhow. It really rode that 'significant other' line, though.

"More the second one," Nic answered, shrugging slightly. "I mean, I'd be cool with hanging out? I always am, y'know, but we do okay for the time we spend together. It's not like I need to see you every minute of every day or something." And even if she'd like to spend more time with him, Nic knew that she already had problems behaving herself and remembering the lines. Increasing the chances of her forgetting wouldn't do either of them any favors. "We both only have a few people with the sack to come talk to us, yeah? But none of mine own pom-poms," Nic pointed out with a smile, "So I'm just offering protection, for a nominal fee."

Caleb laughed a little. "What's the fee?" he asked, figuring she'd come up with something good. Which really, he wanted to go with. He wasn't sure if they would start hanging out at school. School was still something that was incredibly sidelined in importance in Caleb's mind. When dealing with what looked like a downward spiral into stupid, trig just really didn't even make the list of shit that he cared about.

Her hand came up, three fingers raised Caleb's way as Nic smirked thoughtfully. "One," she counted off, bending her ring finger down, "After my fight tomorrow, you give me your car keys. There's still a shitload of work to do under the hood. Two? Knife fighting lessons, sometime soon." He'd promised those to her ages ago, it felt like, and Nic figured that with a subject to focus on she might be less likely to jump on him. Nic's index finger had come down with the second request, leaving her briefly flipping Caleb off before she folded her hand shut. "Third, I get one occasion where I can make you ditch class and come drink coffee with me. No arguments, no questions. Maybe no coffee. Sound like a fair deal?"

"Goddamn, you're demanding, aren't you?" Caleb asked good naturedly, amused. "Fine. I consent to your fee." he added, thinking all those things would be fine. Though he was of the opposite opinion as Nic--teaching something physical and such like fighting? That could end badly. Or...well, considering the angle.

"You're a little behind the times if you just figured this out," Nic informed him with a deadpan expression, "And shit, Lockwood, did no one ever teach you about bartering? I bet you could've talked me down to a pack of smokes and a playful smack on the ass, given or received." And she winked with that, nose wrinkling as Nic smirked his way before stifling a yawn in her sleeve. "I won't complain about you being a sucker, though. It's kinda cute."

"You should only start bartering if you don't actually want to pay up." Caleb said. "But your terms are reasonable." Besides which, if he had any ideas, they were all things that weren't doable. "But if you really want me to try to weasel out of things I could. Though I probably wouldn't be getting you cigarettes any time." He wouldn't tell her to quit at any time, that was her thing, but that didn't mean he had to help either.

She glanced his way, lip snagging in her teeth as Nic briefly debated how to ask this without sounding like she needed his approval. "Does it bug you? Me smoking?" she asked bluntly at first, "I mean, It's not like I'd scramble to quit if it did? But, y'know... I could cut back if you don't like kissing an ashtray." That was a minor concession, after all. She wouldn't give it up, she'd just learn another aspect of patience in her life.

He shrugged a little. "I think that having your lungs quit out on you if you ever have to run for your life is probably not a good plan." he said honestly in return. He probably would appreciate the 'not kissing an ashtray' aspect of it, but knew she could get self conscious as well so he really didn't want to put it like that, even if she had. though he was also glad to hear that she wouldn't just automatically alter her behavior because of his preferences. He never wanted a puppy, or someone who would do that. It was creepy, people who would automatically edit themselves.

"I think my lungs might quit anyway," Nic mused, "I'm not someone who does a whole lot of running, y'know?" Though maybe she should; endurance was as important in training as the martial aspects she'd been learning. "But shit, it'd be nice to save a few bucks here and there. If I decide to? Expect a constant Raging Bitch mode for a few weeks, that's how you'll know," she warned him, thinking it wasn't going to be any time soon if it even happened. Nic's brow lined almost instantly after that, her teeth closing on her lip again as she fought the urge to have another smoke, given that they were talking about it in that moment. "Makes me wonder if any of that witchcraft stuff might help, even just to hold off the cravings. I'm gonna have to try something sooner or later, right? just to see if I'm any good at it?"

He paused. "Well, I can deal with you being a raging bitch. And I have never thought about magic in that sort of capacity, so I have no idea. Plus, when I tried any kind of white magic it never worked, not even once. I just don't have the affinity for it." No, he had an affinity for blood magic, which liked to bite back. That was just typical. though he wouldn't trade it. it served his purposes well. "And yeah, you'll need to test it out. Not even sure what to suggest there, though."

Neither was Nic, really. She'd tried a little trick here and there already, small balms that were supposed to ease pain, but Nic had no clue if they worked. All she could do was sneak them into her mother's room after a long shift at the hospital and hope they provided some relief while the elder Haverstrom slept. "There's still that little shop in town? Maybe if I lose my trial fight tomorrow I'll cruise up there at some point, scale back on classes to work on being a witch." She was nervous on both fronts, really. It wasn't something Nic felt like she needed to prove to anyone but herself, but she really needed proof for her own sake. She needed to believe that she was making progress in one of the two aspects, if not both.

"Hey, don't start talking about losing your fight before you start." Caleb told her, a gentle sort of prod. "Hit up the magic shop whenever. Maybe there's something you can find to do that'll let you know right away if you actually managed it. Like...I don't know. A location spell? Something like that? I don't really know how good you need to be to pull something like that off." But he was pretty sure there had to be an actual result.

"Yeah, I just gotta keep trying," Nic agreed, "Eventually I'll pull one off. Or I'll figure out that I can't pull it off, and I'll have to try something else. But nothing off the Bad List." She knew Caleb still worried about that, after all, like she might decide to try what he did and start earning her own scars. And maybe she'd want to, for a more direct way of helping, but she trusted him there. It was dangerous, Caleb knew it firsthand, and his concerns had to be real. "I'm not going into tomorrow thinking I'm gonna lose, you know? Just... never had to compete before. Not for anything."

You don't know that. Caleb thought but kept to himself. "I don't know if I have. Not like that, anyways. For survival, yeah, but that's kind of...different." he said. He knew what it was about, just not for lower stakes than 'I'd like to keep breathing'. Which was probably fucked up, really. It said something about him, anyways. "I'm sure you'll do fine." he added, believing that. It was fighting, and if she wanted to do well, she'd put effort into it, and she was a capable girl.

She grinned Caleb's way at that, reclining against the headrest of her seat. "A fan in the crowd'll help, for sure," Nic confessed, "Just don't cheer or anything? Master Kak might hear you, and dude? Magic or not, that man will break you into a jigsaw puzzle." And as irksome as it was to admit, Nic wanted the older man's approval. He'd been patient in helping her learn, after all, she needed to prove that she had learned. "Or me, if I fall asleep in the ring," she went on, nudging Caleb with an arm, "So c'mon, home, Jeeves. I need my ass-beating sleep."

"Yes ma'am." Caleb said, turning to head her back home. "I promise I won't cheer. I'll just be present." he promised, thinking that cheering wasn't quite his thing anyhow. It drew attention and he was kind of built to not do that. It kind of went against his instincts in general, so he would have had to remind himself to do something like that if it was expected. So, he was good with it not being on the agenda.

"Now I'll just have to keep from looking for you so I don't get smacked," Nic mused with a grin, doubtful she'd do that in the first place. She was already a bundle of nerves, but her plan was to use the anxiety to force some focus. If she could? Well, she'd be a big ball of intent to hurt when she stepped into the ring. "You gonna be cool without your car again? Should just be for the weekend, but with the motel situation and all, I can hold off. I know it's witch's titties-cold lately, you don't need to be walking around in that."

"Naw, go ahead and take it." Caleb said. "I can just figure out alternate ways of getting places, if I go anywhere in the first place. Hopefully, Math'll have us an apartment by then." he admitted. God he hoped so. He wasn't really enamored with the Lamplighter.

Nic smiled hopefully over that, nodding in agreement of Caleb's wishes. She didn't imagine the Lamplighter to be too welcome, not with how the place looked in passing from the window of a car. "Well, if it takes too long? Couch, my place, mom with a rifle and a sleeping bag. It'll be awesome," she reminded him, "And if it doesn't take too long? Monster movie marathon, your place, no mothers with rifles." Which she knew was a bad idea for the two of them, but Nic was willing to chance it. Watching the road tick by as Caleb aimed them back towards her house, she thought on the fact that she had no reason not to chance it. She might slip over the line, or maybe he would, but if it didn't hit a breaking point? Well, eventually she'd get the hang of it all.

"I like your mom rifle-free." Caleb opted for, pulling onto Nic's road. "And monster movie marathons sound like a good plan. I'm down with that." he agreed. Of course, they'd need to see if there was a televison, or dvd player or whatever. Since...yep. The ones at his house were ash now, so that was an issue. But it was logistics that could be figured out later.

"Gonna hold you to it," she insisted as the car rolled up and brought her house into view, "I'll even dust off my copy of Blood Diner, just for you. Bring my VCR over and everything. Well, my mom's VCR... you get the idea." Sighing in quiet annoyance that the night was over, even if she needed her sleep, Nic leaned in towards Caleb once the car had stopped, lightly bumping her head into his temple. "Thanks for hanging out, think I can finally crash. I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked, sitting back without trying to kiss him goodbye. Nic felt like she'd already pressed for that sort of thing enough tonight, no doubt about it.

Caleb didn't want her to go without a kiss goodbye. But since she pulled back without one, he was wondering if he shouldn't try for it. Which left him wondering about things, and if he was overthinking--which he probably was. "I'll be around." he promised. He hesitated for a few moments, but when she reached for the door handle, he said fuck it, and reached out for her, grasping her upper arm to pull her back so he could kiss her. Yeah. He sucked at this whole just being friends thing.

She let herself be pulled, privately thrilled that Caleb apparently wanted that goodnight gesture as much as she did, but Nic didn't kiss him. Sure, she wanted to, but there had to be some kind of effort made towards controlling herself. Instead, as she was pulled back to him, she reached up to rest a hand on his cheek, coaxing his lower lip down with her thumb. Nic smiled with a flash of mischief in her eyes as she leaned in, tilted her head slightly, and drew his lip past hers to settle in her teeth. It was nearly a goodnight kiss, but Nic was seizing the reins on it as she bit for a drawn out moment, then withdrew. "Goodnight," she murmured, sitting back as if to try and slip from the car.

Well that was frustrating. He growled a little bit, and wanted to yank her back, but if she was going to be teasing like that, and generally speaking she laid all of the calling a halt on him, he didn't think it was the best idea to do that. Plus, he'd already done so, and apparently that had just got him that so...right. "Goodnight." he said, after drawing a deep breath, and letting it out in a rush.

And then, Nic got to feel proud and frustrated at the same time as she popped open the car door and swung her legs out. "Enjoy the mystery bag," she teased in parting, mutedly congratulating herself for not going after what she wanted and starting for her house. Control or not, Nic couldn't help smiling back at the car over her shoulder as she walked, biting her own lip in the process. Progress? Maybe. But damn does it suck.