reasonable doubt

who: eris and jocelyn
where: babylon
when: noonish

The only word that properly described how Jocelyn was feeling all morning was alive. After Doc had left with sweet goodbye kisses she'd buzzed around her room, picking things up and putting them back down, trying to focus on something, but really just reliving the previous night over and over again.

Everything was fresh and new and suddenly she felt like there was some point to her being around, which was impressive considering how the past few months had left her feeling stranded at best, but mostly just alone. There was one thing she needed to do this morning, but she'd sort of been avoiding it. Not that she wasn't eager to get started with her new line of work, which really meant spending more time with Doc. She was just very nervous about talking to Eris. Since coming to work at Babylon, they'd had very few conversations, mostly just about work things, what Eris expected of her, if she was needed to tend the bar, and other things of that nature. Eris was a great employer, very understanding, but what Jocelyn was going to proposition was somewhat ridiculous. And knowing Eris, her reaction could go one of many different ways.

Giving in, Jocelyn headed down the hall from her room towards Eris' office. Her good morning, plus her nerves kept her a little bouncy on her feet. When she got to the door of the office she wavered back and for, making small little circles outside of it before finally just taking a big breath and knocking on the door.

Eris didn't glance up from where she was sitting behind her desk, drinking from a glass of wine. She knew who it was, of course. And she was guessing she was going to need to have a little talk with a certain strange someone who still owed her a teddybear, since he'd been in, and with Jocelyn and he hadn't even said hello. Either way, she imagined she was in for an interesting conversation. "Come in." she called, sitting back in her chair, reclining as she put her feet up on he desk.

Another deep breath and Jocelyn pushed the door open. "Eris?" she asked tentatively as she leaned into the office. "Do you think we could talk?" She continued on into the room and stood nervously in front of Eris, who seemed far more relaxed than she did at the moment. "About my contract?" Breathe, Jocelyn, breathe, she told herself, knowing that Eris' was a reasonable person. Sort of. Or at least she hoped so.

"Of course." she said, smiling at the girl. "Calm down, and have a seat. What is it you'd like to discuss?" she asked, tone pleasant, demeanor still relaxed, open. "Would you like a glass of wine?" she continued. "It's very good." Eris took her feet down from the desk, to set her own glass on her desk, leveling her attention on Jocelyn. She knew that most people felt very much like 'said the spider to the fly' should be intoned somewhere whenever people visited her office, but she was attempting to make the girl slightly more comfortable. Just because the phrase was fitting didn't mean it had to be so blatant.

Jocelyn smiled sheepishly and dropped into one of the chairs across from Eris. "Um," she wasn't sure about the wine, since it was really early in the morning and she hadn't sat still long enough to eat anything. Then again she didn't want to upset Eris. Eris gave you a job and a home Jocelyn tried to remind herself. She can't be all bad. "I'm ok, on the wine. Thanks though." Jocelyn looked down at her feet, nervous as hell. "I had an interesting offer last night Eris."

"Really? Well, do tell. Interesting offers are always something I like to hear about." Eris said, sitting forward and clasping her hands over the blotter on her desk. She didn't let her eyes leave Jocelyn, and she waited to see just what kind of a tale the girl was going to spin for her. How much she might leave out, what details she would put in...whether or not it was purely fabricated bullshit, or if it was going to be on the level.

"We had a new patron come in last night." Jocelyn had gone over this and over this in her head since she'd kissed Doc goodbye for the last time and had yet to find a good way to say it. "He said he knew you actually, Doc?" She almost choked on his name. Just saying it flashed her back to that moment the night before, him above her looking into her eyes. She cleared her throat trying to settle her thoughts again. "He's the one that offered me the job, working with him. Helping him...keep things in check." Jocelyn wasn't sure how much she could explain, if she could even explain it at all. She glanced up at Eris to see what her reaction was.

"Doc, yes, of course." Eris said, as if she didn't know specifically that he'd been there. "And keeping things in check, my, that sounds vague. Can you clear that up for me a little, darling?" she asked sweetly, taking a sip of her wine again, eyes never leaving Jocelyn's. There was no threat there, but she didn't like things being vague. She liked knowing the score.

The panic coursed through her again, and she opted to look at a point on the wall behind Eris this time. Doc had said more and then followed it with a comment about how Eris would understand, so she dove in. "It's picking a side. Doc's side is balance, keeping both good and evil from winning out, so there's always something to fight for. He wants me to join his team." Her feet were bouncing again, just a little and she brought her gaze back to Eris' face. "He said I can still work for you."

Internally, Eris was damn amused. The way she wouldn't look at her, the way she explained it, the nervous ticks, they were all amusing. The job offer was intriguing, something she would want to know more about. But then again, she wanted to know more about Doc to begin with. "Well, if you can still work for me, what's the issue?" she asked. "I would ask that you keep me updated, is all. I'm sure you understand. I have the safety of everyone here including you to think about. So, if anything's going on, I'll need to know, so I can react accordingly." she said, ever so reasonably.

Jocelyn pondered this for a moment. Everything about Doc's approach led her to believe that most of what went on was rather secretive and telling Eris, might not be the best course of action. She, being of the disgustingly curious nature herself though, could tell that Eris was interested in Doc in general. That ought to make things interesting. "How specific do I need to be about what I'm reporting back? I'm not sure how much of what he and his team do is well...public knowledge." There was one more issue she wanted to bring up but was almost certain it wouldn't keep that smile on Eris' face.

"Jocelyn," Eris said in a slow, patient sort of tone. "You work at a brothel. One that caters to the supernatural, and has both angels and demons alike employed here. Nothing I deal with is public knowledge." she pointed out. "So really? That isn't quite a concern, now is it? If anyone can keep a secret...it's me." She collected secrets. It was always something interesting.

She opened her mouth to say something and then just closed it again. From what Jocelyn could tell it might not be worth arguing with her over this or trying to evade her. Not that it really mattered because Eris seemed to always know what was going on, no matter what. "Right ok." Jocelyn would just talk it over with Doc; he'd help her figure this out. Granted thinking about him made he face flush and she realized all that was left was the one topic she'd left out.

"There's one more thing," Jocelyn started, hands curled tightly in her lap, and her eyes never leaving them. "It's related to the work I do here." She somewhat trailed off, not sure how exactly to word the thoughts running through her head. How on earth was she supposed to explain that everything had changed since last night? Especially when she wasn't even ready to admit her feelings to herself. She knew though, that this was unavoidable. It didn't feel right going on as if nothing had happened.

Eris sighed and shook her head, leaning back in her chair. "Spit it out, Jocelyn. I don't have all day. Get whatever's weighing you down off of your chest, it wont' be the end of the world no matter what it is." she told the girl. "So please. Continue." she invited, not sounding annoyed, so much as Jocelyn had been tripping over her words for the entire session now, and Eris was one who encouraged people to be more up front about things. It saved everyone time. Plus, she thought Jocelyn had it in her to be more forceful than she was behaving.

Embarrassed, Jocelyn looked up at Eris again. "I don't want to entertain clients anymore, Eris." She pulled one leg up, foot resting the the chair and clutched her knee to her chest. "I can't. It wouldn't be right. As I'm sure you can assume, Doc stayed last night. And it was something more than...than anything else I've experienced." Most of her nerves had faded and her tone was far more confident now. Jocelyn was certain it had everything to do with Doc and how he made her feel, but that was for a conversation with him and not one with Eris. "You've seen it, I didn't leave my room for months. I would have stayed there, but you made me leave last night. And I got lucky, I met someone and now it's like I'm awake for the first time in ages." She glanced away, feeling small tears start to well in her eyes. "And I have no idea what it is, because it's not like we've talked about it, but at some point last night it was so real, it meant everything, that I can't just go back to my old ways until I know for sure what it is. I'll keep working as hard as ever, tend the bar, wait tables, whatever else. I just can't go back to patrons. I'm sorry."

Internally, Eris rolled her eyes. Good lord, another bout of twoo wuv was hitting. Or the nearest facsimile thereof. Positively ridiculous. Outwardly, however, Eris looked the picture of concern, and understanding. "If that's what you feel you need to do..." she said, sounding regretful. "I of course understand. I'm afraid the only problem is if you aren't seeing clients ever, then I'm going to need to give your room to someone else." she said, sounding like she was just heartbroken over the idea. "If you still did occasionally, I could justify letting you keep the room." she told her. "It wouldn't need to be often..."

Jocelyn blanched briefly at the concept of being evicted. Where in the hell was she supposed to go? It's not like just because things went well one night she could move in with Doc, and face it, she knew no one else in town. Gnawing on the inside of her lip she thought quickly, trying to find a loophole. Explaining to Doc that she wanted to be his but she was still forced to entertain every so often was essentially a recipe for disaster. What little she did know about him, he was not the type to just let that sort of thing go; there was too much pain there. Think you silly girl think. Then it hit her. "If you make me give up my room, what's the point of working both jobs? I'll quit Babylon and you won't find out what Doc is up to."

"If that's how you feel about it, I'm certain that he'll support you and take care of all of your other needs." Eris said reasonably. "Though, dear, do take caution, you've only known him for a few hours." she added. "You seem ready to throw your entire life away on the basis of one encounter, and while I'm sure he's very compelling, just considering who he claims to be and the like...are you sure you want to jump the gun on all of this?" she asked, again, full of concern. Mostly, she was thinking Jocelyn was a complete idiot if she really was prepared to do all of that. It was a ridiculous proposition, to jump right in so quickly with no adjustment period, no time to find out more, no fallback plan. But then again, she didn't exactly employ the world's brightest bulbs a lot of the time.

Annoyed didn't quite cover it. Eris was talking to her like she was an idiot and Jocelyn could almost see that written on her face. Yea, annoying was putting it nicely. Anger for being treated like a child was bubbling up inside her. "You're probably right Eris. I mean, if I learned from anyone that you can't trust a man it would have to be you." Her tone was harsh. Besides the overwhelming anger of being treated like a little child, who was falling desperately in love with a man she barely knew, Eris had sparked something else in Jocelyn. What had seemed so perfect the night before, was starting to seem like a total sham. An interesting coaxing method to get her to agree to an offer that wasn't solid enough. "Give me a few days, couple of weeks max, to figure out what the hell is going on and I'll let you know." She stood, anger radiating off of her. "Odds are you're right, he was just taking advantage of my skills."

Eris didn't rise to the bait, she just followed Jocelyn with her eyes. "Jocelyn." she said, in a tone that suggested she'd better stop her snit right this instant. "I didn't put you into this situation. I'm trying to help you. Some man shows up and talks about balance, and sells you a line, it's not exactly in your best interest to go crashing your entire life on the basis of a couple of hours with him. I've met him. he's charismatic and interesting, most certainly. But you're young. And I know you've been in a rut lately, and that makes you vulnerable." she said, still reasonably, sounding like she knew what she was talking about. "I don't appreciate the accusation about me teaching you anything about not trusting anyone, because I've done nothing of the sort. Men and women are equally as trustworthy or not, it's all individually judged. Some you can, some you can't, you learn which is which along the way. So please, don't put things on me that aren't there, that's you lashing out and it isn't fair. I have no bias against anyone." Which actually, was true. Really if the question was put to Eris and she had to answer, she'd put women as the more untrustworthy sex. Men were simpler creatures by nature. "I don't want to see you throw things away before you're even sure. You've been with me for a long time, I care about you."

Jocelyn dropped back into the chair, and tears that had been brimming spilled out onto her cheeks. She was still angry with Eris, but her own issues won out over the anger. Who the hell else was she going to talk to anyway? "I just want to matter again Eris," her voice was soft, tired and quiet. "For an instant it felt like I did. I've got no one, save you and it's not like we talk." She left off the part about being afraid of Eris. "Even if I wanted to keep entertaining, which I'm still not sure I want to, I'm not in a place to do it." There was a pause as a few more tears spilled out. "Obviously." Now officially doubting just about everything, Jocelyn decided seeing Doc again was going to kill her. Before when she'd been day dreaming of jumping into his arms and covering him with kisses, she now realized she'd have a hard time just looking him in the eye. "Please?" She wasn't sure what she was asking for, but she was asking.

"You matter, Jocelyn." Eris told her first. "No, we don't chat. But you do matter. You're a talented, bright young woman, and you're good at what you do. It's never bothered you what you do, and that's something I always viewed as a personal strength. An asset. You don't have the same hang ups most people do, and because of that you have a freer life. I understand that you've been down. I understand wanting to mean something to someone. I still just want you to think this through before you make any decisions. I'm not going to make you make any decisions right now. You can stay." She paused. Then she continued, after taking a sip of her wine. "Jocelyn." she said. "You said that you were going to work for him. And you're saying you need to stop entertaining clients here. Do you not see a parallel there?" she asked lightly. "That you'd be his personal..." she didn't fill in the blank, positive that Jocelyn would herself. She stood and poured Jocelyn a drink, bringing it over to the girl, along with a tissue. She sat on the end of her desk close to her, and offered both.

Jocelyn took both, but just held them for a second before dabbing her eyes and taking a full swig of the wine. God damnit. She knew exactly what Eris had implied, but she couldn't shake it. "It's not the same work." It was all she could muster. She wasn't giving up the clients for the job, she was giving it up for him. And if Eris had meant she'd be his personal plaything, then she was fine with that, as much as she hated herself for it. Even doubting his feelings, she knew full well she'd never be satisfied by someone else like he'd satisfied her. Her heart that just moments ago had been so full was shattering. "I think I can handle my duties at both places, Eris." Jocelyn was giving into the despair, realizing she'd just been rash with her feelings. Her place was here. The little witch they sent the crazies with fire fetishes too. She took another long swig of wine.

"I'm less concerned about your 'duties' at the moment, and more concerned with you." Eris said. "Babylon isn't going to crash down overnight if you need time. I think you should take it. Just know that you have a home here. You have a place here, and you'll always have it, should you choose to." she said. She reached out and tucked Jocelyn's hair behind her ear. "My door is always open."

Jocelyn nodded, finishing off the drink and handing the cup back to Eris. "Thanks for that." Her tears had stopped, but the pain was still there. She knew she'd have to talk to Doc about it, knowing he wouldn't understand, or at least never tell her how he really felt. "I should go." She stood, this time set on leaving. She stopped in the doorway, and turned back. "I'm sorry."

"keep your options open, Jocelyn. Don't shut yourself down to just one thing. There aren't any exits, that way." Eris told her, which was actually a bit of wisdom that she honestly believed in. "And don't ever be sorry. I'll speak to you soon. Go out. Do something completely different for the day." she encouraged. "Take some money, go blow it on something stupid, just get out for a little bit. And out, away from here and him."

She nodded again, knowing she wouldn't be able to verbalize an answer. She'd probably end up taking Eris' advice about getting out to heart, but avoiding Doc was harder. All she'd thought about all morning was finding him or him finding her, eagerly awaiting their next meeting. Now she was feeling lost all over again. Jocelyn left Eris before the tears started up again, she'd been pathetic enough already.