Shift the Blame

who: journey and lullaby
where: her house
when: late

Journey had arrived at Lulu's early that morning, only to be told she'd gone to the hospital. Something about Josh, and his cousin, and blah blah blah... Witness him not care. Which, really, made him feel like a selfish bastard, but he'd had a shitty morning, and his head was just too full of his own angst. He was worried, but he didn't really feel up to being social right now and dashing off to the hospital and trying to play cheery for an audience. So, hiding. In Lulu's room. With her (awesome) mom bringing him (awesome) snacks. Again, he felt guilty for only picking at the offered food, but his appetite was shot. She seemed understanding, though. Thank God.

He'd already cried (three times), napped (twice), and gone ninja through her stuff (once, resulting in leaving a little message for her in her diary... hopefully she'd hide it better from now on!), and now he was just bored. The teen lay glumly on Thia's bed, hands resting on his stomach as he gazed broodily up at the ceiling. Mom...

Lullaby eventually got home, after the hospital had booted she and Joshua out and she'd made sure he had gotten home safely. She would have liked to have brought him home, but while her parents were understanding about Journey, being they'd never had a thing and never would have a thing, having the boyfriend staying over was a different story altogether. Even if they did think he was a lovely young man. Her stepdad told her about Journey being in her room and she went inside, sort of peeking in quietly to make sure she didn't like, wake him up or anything, and saw him looking decidedly awake. She came in and shut her door, shrugging her zipup hoodie off and she tossed it onto her desk chair and wandered over to the bed to flop down onto it with him. "What's the matter?" she asked.

His face crumpled at her question, and the tentative, numb calm he'd had shattered completely. "Just... stuff. I talked with Unc, and..." Journey's breath hitched. Not gonna cry, not gonna cry. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I am not gonna cry. "Just... stuff."

Lullaby gave him a Look. The Look that clearly said that she was not accepting that as an answer, and that he really shouldn't have tried to pass it off so easy. "What'd he say?" she asked, for once not signing as best she could since he didn't understand most of it anyways, and honestly her hand hurt. She'd just make sure to speak clearly enough. She was immediately wondering if this was about his dad.

Journey wasn't really looking at her, so he didn't see the Look. He did feel it, though, in that intense-creepy-hair raising way. "He showed me... pictures. Of Mom and Dad, and him. And me, when I was a baby. In the hospital." And yeah, he felt totally shitty for not just spilling it all at once, but he had to go slow here, or he'd be bawling like a baby. For the fifth time today. God, what was he, a girl?

Lullaby listened, and nodded. She'd got the gist anyways, she shifted a little so she could see his lips better since he wasn't speaking very loudly. She would accomodate. "Go on." she encouraged, the Look totally gone by now.

He paused for a long moment, drawing his brows together as he thought. "You know there was... blood. They were Polaroids, you know? And I guess... they were taken, the day Dad died. The car accident. They must have been in the car, because there was blood, dried blood on the pictures. I guess that's why I never saw them when I was little." And yeah, that wasn't really important, but it had completely thrown him, to see and touch such a solid reminder of what had happened to his father.

Lullaby frowned at that, never having seen those. Why wouldn't someone have tried to clean them? Why would he be shown? Gah... She didn't really have words for him, so she gave him a hug instead, sort of laying out with him and giving him a snuggle. She kept her eyes up on him though so she could continue to read his lips when he decided to go on.

Journey swallowed thickly, giving her a snuggle in return. It helped a lot, to know she was there. "It just..." His voice cracked, and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. "They looked so happy together, Lu. And I destroyed it. I killed Dad."

She blinked at that, then sat up and stared down at him, horrified that he'd even suggest something like that. "What? No you didn't! That wasn't your fault! That was the curse, that's different! Not you at all!" she said, immediatley shooting that down. Because no!! No no no no no!

"If I hadn't been born, they'd still be here," he explained miserably, keeping his eyes shut. And then, because he was out of things to say and he didn't feel particularly like talking anymore, he curled up against her, hugging himself. Notgonnacry, notgonnacry...

"You didn't ask to be born." Lullaby said. "You wouldn't blame your kid if you had one which you're not going to do because you're not allowed to leave me ever. It's not your fault. It's whoever did the curse's fault. Not yours. At all. And I know that they wouldn't blame you either. And Unc doesn't, I know it. He loves you." When he curled up, she moved just enough that he would probably be comfortable. And she rubbed his back. She felt really inadequate, like she wasn't helping and totally wasn't going to, and it was awful. Because she loved him too, and she always hated to see him upset. It happened so rarely that whenever it did, it was major.

He didn't say anything, knowing she wouldn't hear him, but a tiny sob escaped him. Again, she couldn't hear it, but with her hand on his back? She could feel it, and see the shudder that ran through him afterwards. He reached out with his hands to grasp onto her legs, clinging as tightly to her as he could in the awkward position.

Lullaby internally winced, but didn't show it. She hugged him instead, continuing to rub his back and she half tugged on his arm so he could move up to a more comfy position anyways. She didn't mind if he cried on her. Wouldn't be the first time, after all. Humming a little, it was almost too quiet to hear, she definitely didn't hear it herself. It was a little tune she didn't know the words to, a lullaby of some description but she didn't think it was in English. It was something her dad had sent her on a disc from like, Tibet or something. She'd liked it. And until he was past this, he wasn't going to have to talk again. He could again later. For now she was just gonna be there and probably be very silly and girly, but that was okay.

Journey did move up, and he hugged her tightly, only barely remembering that, yes, humans did in fact need to breathe. He buried his face in her shoulder, not caring if the position was awkward and his neck would hurt for it later, and he cried quietly, shoulders shaking with every muffled sob. God, it hurt, and it wouldn't stop hurting. This day was just made of complete suck.

It took him several minutes to calm back down. The back rub, and her quiet, odd little hum, and just her being there somehow made things a little bit more bearable. It helped that he'd already cried four other times today. He was completely out of tears. He rested his forehead against her shoulder, taking in gulps of air. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not caring if she couldn't hear it. Probably better that she didn't, anyways.

She didn't hear him, couldn't. Weirdly, she was glad that he'd cried, because that was healthier than keeping everything all held in. He seemed to be calming down a bit though, so she gave him a tight squeeze, not letting up on rubbing his back. It was kind of soothing in general. "It's not your fault." she said eventually. Simple, but there was conviction in her tone. She really really believed that. Nothing would ever convince her otherwise.

He pulled back a little, to gaze at her with tired, drooping eyes. "I really, really want to believe that." Journey said quietly, habitually enunciating more clearly to compensate for the low volume. "But I'm not sure I ever completely will."

"You didn't do anything. It wasn't your fault, you were born. You said they looked happy, right? I'm sure they were so happy because they had you." Lullaby pointed out. "Because you were a family. And maybe you weren't together very long, but you still were, and it's still not your fault. It's the curse's fault, and whoever did that."

Journey gave her shoulders a quick squeeze in silent thanks. Just for being there. Just for talking. For trying to make him feel better. "I'm afraid," he began again quietly, eyes downcast, though his tone was void of emotion. He was just numb right now. Tired and cold and miserable, and talking only to get it all out of his system. He couldn't tell his uncle; it would hurt him. He couldn't tell Belle, because... because things were still so new. He had to tell Lullaby. "I'm afraid she died hating me, Lu. Because I killed Dad, and put Uncle Lee in a coma... and I left her alone to die. And I can understand why she would hate me. And that terrifies me, because if I can understand it, and if I can hate myself... why wouldn't she hate me, too?" he asked, his voice and his eyes tinged with desperation at the end.

"You're not allowed to hate yourself!" Lullaby said right away, because that horrifed her. "And no! Just no, Journey! She wouldn't have hated you! It's not your fault!" she stressed. "I know you think it is. I know it probably feels that way, but it's not. It really really isn't. You didn't make things happen like they did. You had no say whatsoever. So you can't be held responsible for something that you weren't in control of. It's not like anyone asked you your opinion on being born. It's the curse's fault. Not. Yours. I don't think any mom would ever blame their baby and hate them for something like that. Ever."

"I know, but... it's not fair. It's not fair, and I want to blame someone, and there's no one to blame except me, Lu!" His voice shook with every word, and he drew his hands away from her, lowering his head. "It isn't fair," he repeated in a quiet mutter.

She looked at him. "...no, it's not fair. You're right about that." she agreed. "But that doesn't make it your fault. I know it's not. You're one of the best people in the whole world, Journey. Nothing like this could ever be your fault." she said, trying to make sure she spoke clearly, though there was a bit of emotion muddling it some.

A frustrated noise escaped him, and he ran a hand roughly through his hair. Of course, now came the anger. The anger he couldn't really soothe, not in Lulu's room. He wasn't about to punch his best friend in the whole world or anything in her house, now was he? "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Or think about it. I've cried and moped all day, and I know I upset Unc, and now I've just upset you. I just..." Aaaargh. "How's Josh's cousin?" he asked simply, changing the subject completely.

"Well yeah, you just said you hate yourself, it's a little disconcerting." Lullaby said, sitting up and looking at him with a concerned frown on her face. She knew if she said anything of the like he'd have a lot to say about it. "She's unconscious. She was attacked by something...othery. I guess she was all hallucinating and stuff, Joshua's really worried." She sighed, not wanting to hop subjects like that.

"Othery?" Journey echoed, brows drawn together in confusion. "You mean like... the ghosty exorcist thing I've got going on?" he asked for clarification, a little alarmed. Ghosts he could buy into easy enough, he'd always sort of believed in them. But something real and physical and tangible that could bring down a woman as intimidating as Josh's cousin!? What the fuck. "What was it?"

"I dunno. A cat or something? She wasn't coherent, that's all Joshua said." Then she sighed and rubbed at her eyes for a moment. "I wanna know if I can tell Joshua about your curses." she said, looking at him again. "I'd like to get you both together to talk about it. Like, all of us."

"What!?" Journey asked, incredulous. How the hell had they jumped from crazy ass cat scratch fever to his family curses!? "Why?! ...well, shit, it's not like I didn't go around for awhile telling random people anyways. I don't care, but why, Lu?"

She looked pained. "You're not the only one today to tell me that someone getting hurt was their fault, even when it wasn't." she said. "I got the same thing from Joshua at the hospital. He told me that his family's cursed too, he thought it was his fault that September got hurt." She sighed. "So you're both cursed. He said I could tell you, I just didn't want to say anything without permission. But I think we should all talk about it."

Oh. He stared at her blankly for a moment, mouth agape as that thought filtered through his head. What. The. Fuck. He wasn't the only cursed teenager in town!? How the hell had this happened!? When did the world go completely to hell, and why did this all suddenly have the feel of the beginning of a really nasty horror movie?

...right, they were talking. "Uh... sure. We can talk about it. Like I said, I don't care who knows. The more the merrier," he managed awkwardly, completely thrown.

"Okay. I'll let him know." Lullaby said with a sigh. Then she gave a very weak smile. "Good thing I'm awesome, huh? Otherwise you cursed boys wouldn't have anyone to help you out all the time." Since she apparently collected them. And not only collected them but set them up as some of the most important people evar. Best friend and boyfriend. Yeah. That was just awesome. She didn't mind so much as she knew it would worry her to death.

Journey shot her a weak smile in return. It wasn't really something to joke about, not for him. Fuck, this couldn't be good for her. Not at all. Having two cursed boys around as the most important people in her life? Shit, what if they backlashed onto her? ...but they couldn't just abandon her. That thought was horrifying. He needed his Thia to live. And maybe Josh wasn't quite that dependent upon her yet, but it would surely happen eventually (because she was, in fact, that awesome).

They'd have to have a private discussion about this, him and Josh. Consider their options. "Yeah, everyone knows I need you to live," he joked, voice strained.

Lulu gave him a hug, and smiled. This one was less weak. Another squeeze was given, then she pulled back again. "Yeah. Everyone knows. But same goes for you, so it's all even." And she did. She didn't know what she'd do without him which was why she hated thinking about the curses he had. They scared her to no end. Like, if she thought about it before she tried to sleep, she didn't sleep. Maybe now if there were three of them thinking about stuff or...whatever was accomplished, things could be less dangerous? She didn't know. She was going to hold out hope, though.

He smiled, and this one was a little brighter. "Good to know we're mutually dependent," he agreed, grabbing her hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "What time is it, Lu?" Journey questioned, uncertainly. "If it's late, I should be heading home... or maybe calling Unc to tell him I'm gonna crash here?" He didn't want Lee thinking he'd run away from home or gotten hurt or something. "It's up to you."

"Just stay here." Lullaby said. "It's late, and you're here, and you're not allowed to walk home alone." she finished firmly. That just wasn't going to happen. And her folks had seemed to have been settled in and everything, so whatever. She'd prefer he stayed at her house.

"Kay," he agreed easily. Honestly, he didn't really want to go home. Lu's house was safe, and she kept him grounded and out of his brooding, self-loathing frame of mind. He'd probably sleep much better at her house than at his own tonight. "Where'm I crashing? Do I get to sleep on your floor, or are you gonna condemn me to the very lonely and boring guest room?" Journey asked with a tiny grin.

Lullaby smirked and rolled her eyes at him. "I don't know why you like it on my floor better than the bed in there." she said, poking him in the side. But then she dropped one of her pillows onto her floor for him. "You can stay in here." she assured him. She didn't actually remember the last time he'd spent the night in the actual guest room. Even when he'd tried before he'd wander into her room at some point and wind up crashed out on the floor.

He gave her a happy hug for that before rising to his feet. He had a phone call to make, after all. "Thanks, Lu." What would he do without her? Well, he'd never have to find out. Lu wasn't allowed to leave him. It was a universal law.