Strangely Normal for Us

Who: Dean and Thia
Where: Outside the Chapel
When: Before Dawn

Thia was sitting just to the right of the heavy double doors, pretty much invisible. If she was there at all, it was faint enough that it could be overlooked entirely, which was the point. She'd lined up a shot or two, but hadn't fired any of her arrows, not really wanting to warn anything that might find them that there were even arrows to worry about. She'd also sat there heavily contemplating everything. Her own hurt feelings, the possibility of coating the arrowheads with her blood to make them more effective, all sorts of things. So far, it was quiet and she hadn't seen anything.

The other thing she was really thinking about was that people knew now, and she had no idea how to deal with it. None, whatsoever. One of the things she'd tried to do was keep herself secret. And now she wasn't anymore, and that randomly would hit her and make her feel sick to her stomach. Like she'd missed a stair. Turning an arrow over and over between her fingers, she kept her eyes on the hall, trying to track movement if there was any.

Once they'd got to the chapel, Dean hadn't really had the heart for mass organisation. Other people seemed to have it in hand, anyway. He hadn't even bothered to really make his excuses, he'd just quietly put the bag down, taken out a couple of spare clips, wished he'd actually stopped to put on his jeans so that he had pockets to put them in, put one back again and then, holding the remaining clip in his hand, headed out to the corridor again to find Thia. he sat down quietly next to her, tapping his shoulder gently against hers.

"Hey." she said, taking a moment to lean over closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder for just a few heartbeats. "Everyone okay?" she asked, even if he hadn't been gone that long. She kept her voice soft, so it wouldn't carry down the hallway. But there was the little alcove or whatever here, the wider mouth of the hall before the chapel doors, so they had a little space to work with. Neither of them were going to echo or anything.

"Think so - they didn't really need me in there," Dean explained, setting the spare clip down by his side, where it would be in easy reach. "How's it going?" he asked, trying to edge back into what she'd refused to talk about before. He knew that was part of his problem right now. Sure, most of his problem was based around the fact that there were apparently four dead teachers here, which meant they were on their own in an abandoned building, in the middle of a snowstorm, but part of his problem was that she hadn't wanted to talk to him before. And they didn't do that. So, it was bugging.

"All's quiet." she said. "I haven't seen anything move, I haven't heard anything, though we both know that isn't really anything to go by. But it's been pretty much uneventful." she answered, giving a status report as opposed to getting into what was bugging her. She didn't even do it deliberately, she just thought that was what he meant. There was a crisis going on, they should be concentrating on crisis things. Or, that was how she was viewing it anyways.

Dean didn't say anything for a moment as he considered the mostly-darkness around them and he slipped the gun out of its holster to cradle loosely in his hands, in case anything did come out of the darkness. He didn't hear anything but the tones of people talking though. He considered her words - she'd answered his question, he knew. And answered it in the way that he knew he should have meant it. Answered it with what was important to the here and now. Pity he hadn't really meant it like that, but he knew he should have done, so he waited for long moments before deciding to clarify. "...And how're you doing?" he asked her.

She glanced at him, then turned her eyes back up the hall. "I don't know." she said honestly. She wasn't about to try lying to him about it, that wasn't how they did things, and she wasn't any good at it, and she just didn't do that. It wasn't going to start now. "I'd like to know what we're dealing with." she said, again letting him know something crisis related, but she didn't fully go into that either. She knew what he'd meant there, she just didn't have a better answer for him and she knew it.

"Me too," he agreed, wondering if she was trying to tell him that he needed to focus more. He did - they had a crisis at hand. People didn't need him getting distracted. It would be easier, he knew, if everything wasn't so quiet. God, mate - you're fucked in the head. Asking for trouble, wanting trouble. You don't want trouble, do you? Course you bloody don't - people died. You're several levels above messed up if you'd find a repeat of that 'easier to deal with', he lectured himself. But he couldn't help but think about his conversation with Caleb the other day - course he was messed up. That much was clear. But, in any event, it was quiet, and his mind was wandering to the fact that she hadn't talked to him. Not in their way, anyway. He was still bugging - and she seemed to be telling him now to let it go. To concentrate. To focus. People were depending on him, and he had to be there. She'd want him to be there for them.

She could see the lines coming off of him. Even if they were sitting in the mostly-dark, she could see it. Feel it, if she tried to. Even if by now she was fully charged, since the building itself had a good enough charge to it that she was all good. What she was assessing was if they were the lines she usually saw mid-crisis, or the ones she saw when they were having a twitch. She was thinking more along the twitch side. "What's wrong?" she asked him, taking her eyes off the hall again to look at him.

That confused him, and he took his eyes off the corridor to look at her, frowning slightly. "I... Nothing," he said, dropping his gaze very slightly, but only as far as her lips. "Nothing's wrong. Just wish I knew what was going on, is all," he said, then went back to scanning the corridor. He needed to concentrate.

"With the crisis, or with me?" she asked, because she wasn't sure, and so she wanted to clarify it. She didn't want to jump to conclusions, and she didn't want to misinterpret. So, she figured it worked best if she just asked for that, and she'd do what she could with the answer.

Again, he looked back, confused. Maybe he'd misinterpreted what she'd said at first, when he'd thought she'd been trying to get him to concentrate on the issues at hand. But, if she hadn't been doing that, he didn't know what she'd meant. "I... Why would anything..." His brain gave him the answer to that before he finished the question and he broke off. "With the crisis, like you said. I... Thought you wanted me to concentrate on that," he confessed, figuring the best way through his confusion was the path of honesty.

"Why would anything what?" she asked, not knowing where that sentence was meant to end. Unless it was 'why would anything be wrong', or something, which didn't make sense because he knew something was up, she had just made an executive decision and decided it needed to wait for a few. That they couldn't really just stand there before people were settled, and have a Talk. "I figured you were concentrating on the crisis." she said, his confusion kind of hopping over to her now.

"I was - you told me to concentrate on the crisis," he reminded her. Though, that wasn't true. He'd been mostly concentrating on the crisis. Just mostly. The rest of his concentration was on her, and as an extension of that, on everyone else to the extent they may have a problem with her. He was very aware that he'd created a potential problem for her here. And her problems were automatically his problems.

"Yeah, when we still had people to move to someplace reasonably safe for the time being." she said. She internally twitched a little at the word usage he'd done. 'you told me' was in there, and she was reminded of the last time he'd thought she'd told him to do something. "But...I think they're as okay as they're going to get for the moment. You didn't look crisis-upset, you looked other-things upset. My mistake." she said, knowing her line-reading wasn't an exact science. She only knew a few of them and what they vaguely meant, she didn't have them all down pat by far.

I'm worried about you, and about the fact that you don't seem to want to talk to me, dean thought at her, but it took him a moment or two to decide to actually say something. "Thi, I... I didn't mean to drop you into this like this. Like, the room full of people and stuff - if there'd been any choice, then I wouldn't have. But I didn't know what was out there, and I didn't want to go running off on my own to somewhere private in case there was something there and I know now that that other guy did and he's fine, but I didn't know and I... I'm sorry. I know it puts you in a really, really bad position and I'm going to do everything I can to try and make this okay, I promise," he told her, since he figured that was the root cause of things she didn't know how to react to right now.

"I know." she said. "...I'm...thrown, but I know it's not your fault. And going off by yourself in the middle of all of this wouldn't have been a good idea anyways, and so don't be sorry, okay? I'm not mad about that." Just thrown. Just knocked for a loop. And, after a few moments, she looked at him again. "I'm hurt. With showing up, and everything, you just...took your gun, and then kinda...it felt like you dismissed me. Like you just wanted that and I was your messenger girl, and then I could go. And I really didn't like how that felt, and that's not even touching the other side of that, which was--do you think I'd ever do that to you? That I'd even be capable of leaving you in the middle of something like this?"

Dean stared at her for a moment. It was clear in his expression that he'd never even considered that his actions could be viewed that way. "I... I, er..." He stopped and set the gun down by his side, before turning to her fully. He was vaguely aware that that was a downright stupid thing to do, but clearly he'd fucked up here, so stupid seemed to be the order of the day. He reached for her hands. "Thia - you know I want you here, right? I... I know that I shouldn't and it's dangerous and god knows what's going to be going on and... I don't want you here at the same time because it's safer for you not to be here and things could get really bad, but... And this could be a bad place for you. People know now and there's others that maybe still don't and I thought that, maybe you wouldn't want to stay only I knew that you would because yes I know that there's no way that you'd leave me even if maybe you probably should but you won't, but I had to ask. I mean, come on, what kind of a person would I be if I just assumed that you'd stay in the middle of the nightmare? I couldn't do that - and I wanted you to know it was okay, if you didn't want to stay, because, well, yeah - issues and... But, I didn't mean it like you were my messenger, Thia, really I didn't," he said, quickly losing any real structure and descending into ramble.

She didn't like that he'd put the gun down, but got why he did it. She gave his hands a squeeze, listening to what he had to say. Which at least she could do now, a little better than before. She definitely caught that he was not at all thinking about that sort of thing, that the way she'd viewed it hadn't been what was intended. That was something. "Okay, I...I'm sorry. It just...felt like that. And it didn't help that you said it again, too. The whole leaving thing. I want to be here. I'd never be able to do anything but worry and everything if I wasn't here with you, I'd be miserable. I couldn't leave you. You never left me. You drove across town in the middle of a vampire siege on the entire town, to get me. There'd be no way I could ever leave you. I love you. You're not dealing with this alone."

"I drove across town in the middle of a vampire siege to get you and bring you somewhere safe, not to put you in more danger," Dean said, though he didn't sound particularly happy about it. After all, his intentions there had failed spectacularly, hadn't they. They'd resulted in the scar he could see on her neck right now.

The scar. Shit. He was used to seeing it, but he knew how she felt about it - she always kept it covered up. And she hadn't got it covered up right now. "I'll be right back," he told her, picking up the gun again, but leaving the clip where it was, as he stood and headed back into the chapel.

He didn't really know what he was looking for. Something, anything. In the end he found a length of dusty purple cloth in a storage cupboard in the back room. It took him a minute or two, but he managed to tear off a too-wide strip, but folding it over, he figured that maybe it would do. Hurrying back, skirting everyone else once again, he returned to Thia's side and held it out. "Here, thought you might like this," he said, sitting back down again.

She blinked when he abruptly was getting up and leaving. With Sophie-lines, even which was confusing. So she waited, picking up the clip and checking that it was full even if she knew full well it was. Then he was back, and she took it. She smiled, a soft expression, and she took it, leaning over to brush a soft little kiss over his lips. "Thank you." she said. Reaching up, she tied it around her neck, and reached up to feel that it covered, which it did. And she instantly felt a little better for it, something that was reflected in the slight shift in how she was sitting. She was a tiny bit more relaxed. Sometimes...he just did things. Sometimes he was the sweetest boy who ever lived, and she loved him for it. That affection and feeling was in her eyes, too as she looked at him, "I love you.'" she told him, even if she had just a minute ago. At the moment it was for something different.

Then she made herself address what else he said. "I can't bring you to safety...but you're safer when I'm here." she said. "You know I don't really trust anyone to look after you but me. I'm technically in more danger here. But that's not anything I care about. I'm here for you. I'm here to help protect you." And everyone else, but she wasn't even going to try to put them into a driving motivation factor. It was him.

I love you too, Dean thought, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to say it right here and now, as if that would sidetrack him too much in mid-crisis, getting involved with deep feelings. Him and his lines again. He did, however, return the kiss as best he could before she pulled back - he didn't push it any further than that though. He needed to concentrate, they were meant to be on watch. "I promise I won't ask you to leave again," he told her, after a moment or too.

It was odd not to hear the words back. And she really couldn't figure out why he didn't reciprocate, but she let it go, hoping it was just going to be a needle in the back of her mind that she could forget about. "Thank you. I'd appreciate that." she said, looking up the hall again. She wasn't going anywhere unless she had to. And even then, she'd be coming right back. She even had the energy now to manage a couple of fast mirror hops. "I've been thinking about my arrows." she said, wanting to kind of keep on the other subject, but if he wasn't even telling her he loved her at the moment, and he was sort of back to the original topic, settling it, she took that to mean that it was closed. "And thinking about my blood."

No! Dean took a breath, knowing exactly where she was going with that. "Do - do you think it's a good idea to injure yourself when we don't know what's coming?" he asked, trying to put it in a reasonable way. She always got so far with being really reasonable at people - maybe he could do that instead.

"A little scratch on a forearm or something isn't going to equate actual 'injury'." she said, looking back at him. "I wouldn't be opening a vein or anything. Just getting enough. I wasn't looking a whole lot when we left the room, but I saw bits and pieces, and I slipped in the blood a little." Which she knew because when she'd left Billy's house, she'd been barefoot, which meant she was now, and she could see the dried red flecks on the bottoms of her feet. "Whatever's out there is nasty. I don't really think an arrow would do much of anything, and who knows if I even land a shot if it'll slow it down. But if I did that, I wouldn't even have to hit anywhere vital. I'd just have to hit."

Dean hated the idea - he knew he always would. No, scratch that - he hoped he always would. He didn't like what it would say about him if he ever became the kind of person who was okay with using his girlfriend's blood as an offensive weapon. No matter how effective that may be. But he'd said that it was her choice, that even if she listened to other people's opinions on the matter, at the end of the day, the decision had to be her own. He didn't want to be the kind of boyfriend who dictated to his girlfriend either. He wanted her to have choices, even if he wasn't always so good at expressing that. But he just couldn't bring himself to give his blessing for it. "True," he said, in the end, agreeing only with the truth of what she'd said. There was no denying that.

She could see it, of course. "I know you hate the idea." she said, because he'd made his stance pretty damn clear, really, even without the tell-tale lines that were springing up everywhere. I know you'd rather I didn't. I just...don't see a better option." she admitted. "And I think that in general, it'll be safer for everyone if I can at least shoot to kill. Anything that can rip a full grown adult male apart with no problem..."

"We have Caleb," Dean said, ignoring his own abilities, because he knew for a fact that not everything could be dropped with a gun. He'd honed his abilities shooting vampires, and that hardly slowed them down unless you got the shot just right. "Trust me, his magic can take things out really, really well."

"And we have you, and maybe other people have things going for them too, I'm talking about my contribution, and I think that it'd be negligent of me not to give what I could to protect everyone. I'm not any more okay with just relying on Caleb to protect everyone as I would be for you to. Plus, everyone needs to sleep. And we don't know when help is coming." If help was coming. Oz would be going nuts by now. Sophie too, Billy, Maddie...they were probably freaking. But the storm here was bad, she'd seen nothing but a wall of blackness and white outside the windows they'd passed. Who knew what could happen.

"I know," Dean said, a little too quickly, jumping on her verbally, and then backing off, making himself take a breath. "I know all that," he said, his voice more normal. "If you need to..." he trailed off, knowing that that would be as much of an agreement to it as he would be able to give, and hoping she would understand that and not push for more, not back him into a corner about this. Because he knew she knew how he felt about this, and that wasn't going to change. No matter how reasonable and rational she decided to be about things.

She was quiet for a few long moments, watching the nothing going on up the hall, before she looked at him again. "Are you going to view me differently if I go through with it?" she asked, voice soft. Light. Something he would hear but wouldn't carry. It was important to her, of course. And she had to ask. His answer would play into her decision.

He looked at her, frowning once again. "No - of course not, I... Do you view me differently? After everything I've done?" he asked, suddenly concerned about that. He'd done things he could hardly have imagined, over the last few months. And suddenly his question seemed ridiculous - he viewed himself differently, why shouldn't she see him differently too?

She shook her head. "No." she answered. "You are who you are and I know how you got where you are now. I know what went into it. I know that a lot that you've done you've done because you had no other choice in the matter. And I wasn't asking because of some reciprocating circumstance, I was asking because I've seen you do it before. Changing your opinions on people due to actions taken. So...I want to know if that's going to happen with me."

Dean's frown turned to a very hurt look. "No. Thia, I... Is that what you think? That I'd be that, that... fickle? I love you, nothing's going to change that." he didn't know what else to say to that - and he really didn't like that fact he'd hesitated over the L word before, and now he'd said it in this context. But she'd hurt him just then.

She looked pained, because she could see that she'd hurt his feelings, and she hadn't meant to. "I'm sorry, I just--I've...I just...Oz mentioned it. Just mentioned, and you didn't speak to him for ages. I wouldn't say 'fickle' I'd say you're someone who's got very strong beliefs and you stand by those, and I know you hate the idea of this in any context. I know that you were upset about the implications that the idea has against me, and I just...don't know. So I asked. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." she said honestly, really meaning it.

"It's your choice Thia, nobody else's. It's your body, your blood - and it was the way Oz handled things, I..." He stood up and walked to the other side of the corridor for a moment, needing some space - the last thing they needed right now was for his abilities to start going haywire because he was upset and she was right there. He knew it made communication more difficult, but he didn't think he had a choice. He stopped, just out of reach, and sat down, so they could still see each other. "Just because I don't like something, that doesn't take away your right to make your own decisions about yourself. I'd be more upset if you were doing something just because I told you to. You know my opinion. You make your own choice. And I'll be there with you - every step of the way," he told her.

Thia really didn't like it when he got up and walked away, and she moved to push herself to her feet to follow, but didn't quite. It was just an automatic reaction of hers that she wasn't able to quell down fast enough to not telegraph that she'd meant to follow. Then she started twisting the ring around her finger, after she felt for the bracelet that wasn't there at the moment. He sat down again, but he was out of reach, she knew, and it bothered her. She didn't say anything about it though. She also took her time answering at all, because she didn't know what to say. It could safely be said she was miserable, right around now.

He hated that she didn't say anything. It made him feel like he was the one who'd done wrong here, even if she'd been the one to upset him in the first place. It made him feel guilty, made him want to go right back to her again, put his arms around her, tell her that everything was going to be alright. It put him right back to that same 'okay, can we be attacked now' point he'd been at earlier. To thinking that would be easier to deal with.

She didn't like the silence, and she knew she needed to come up with something to say. In the end, she went with what was more important at the moment, at least to her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." she repeated, even if she'd already said so. But still, that was what stood out to her as being her priority, so...that was what got said. She didn't mean to upset him with that. She just knew how he did things. And Dean was a very all or nothing individual. And he'd been more upset than she'd seen him in a long time when he'd been upset with Oz over the poisoned blood as a weapon issue. She didn't think Dean spoke to the guy for weeks. He also wasn't a forgive and forget sort. She knew he always hated the idea that he'd become a weapon, and when they'd found out what her blood did, that kicked up issues there. She didn't know what she thought, but she had to wonder, if she went through with it, if he'd think less of her. If he'd not like that she'd consented to make part of herself into a weapon. Because as he'd just said, it was her decision.

"I know," Dean told her, still not moving from where he was. That she'd said that again helped a little, got rid of some of the guilt. He still wanted to go to her though, he knew this wasn't how they worked. He just didn't trust himself right now. Normally, if he was upset, then he'd just take the risk - if he blew something, then he blew something. Like as not, it would just mean a lightbulb needed replacing, and he could get right to that. Here, now? There were a couple of candles in the prep bag, but if he took out the corridor, even just a couple of lights, that could mean the difference between life and death for someone. "I'm... I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but, what you said - it did. And... I don't think now's the time for me to be upset and near you. I'm sorry, Thia, but if I go off, by mistake... Things are bad anyhow, I don't want to make them worse for people. I just - give me a moment or two and I'll be fine. Can we - can we change the subject?" he asked her, hoping that would help.

She frowned a little when he spoke, though she was glad he explained the distance. He was right, even if she didn't like it. It had her looking away, feeling guilty herself on that one. Sure, it was neither of their's faut that she jacked up his effectiveness on things, and that he went off without warning when he was upset. That didn't make her feel any better, and it didn't alleviate the fact that she'd hurt him to begin with. "If you really want to." she said. "but if I've got a choice, I'd like more to work this out." she admitted. "I know it's probably not the right time, I just..." she trailed off. It's important to me.

He paused for a moment at that, shifting slightly so that she could see him better, without peering at all, even if it meant he had to hunker down rather more. "I thought you'd made your decision," he admitted. He'd felt like that for a while now - like he was the only one who thought it was a bad idea. And he'd taken his opinion out of the running enough times. Or tried to.

She quirked a faint half smile that died right away. "I wasn't even really talking about that, I meant...with us." she said. "And no, I haven't made my decision yet. I know the logic behind it and I know its practical and everything, but...I remember how it felt when the rats were dying." she admitted. The little puffs of death energy she could feel as they sate each other, contaminated things and then died, only to draw in others that did the same.

"We can talk about us if you want to," Dean agreed. He didn't really know what to talk about there, what could be talked about there, but he was willing. He'd thought that she understood him, but clearly she didn't. He blamed himself, of course. She'd told him on more than one occasion that she wasn't a mind reader, and that he was a hard person to read anyhow, but he still had that assumption that he didn't have to spell everything out. And this was the result - he got hurt because of things that were his own fault in the first place. "And we can talk about the rats, if you want - I... We can talk about anything you want."

"Are we okay?" she asked. Because she wasn't sure. She'd been hurt earlier, and now he was, and it was just not at all a good situation. In fact, he was sitting over farther away just because of that, and she was acutely aware of it. That bit of distance seemed like a really long ways to her, even if she was fully aware that it wasn't. That it was just a little bit, just so that she wouldn't have her weird effect on his abilities. But it was there, and it was bothering her. "Are you upset with me?"

Dean shrugged. "I just have to keep reminding myself that you're not right here in my brain," he told her. "It's not your fault that you're not. You're not Oz, you know. Just because - just because I did something with him one way - that's not how it works with you. With us." The rules don't apply to you. No, that wasn't quite right - they did, they were just totally different rules. But Dean's life was run by rules, there were always rules. "Like you said, you are who you are. Nothing's going to change that for me." It made him think about the night of the new moon, about trying to explain to Caleb why he wanted to be there with her for that. He still didn't think he'd made the guy understand. Maybe it was just that he was screwed up, but he loved her, he wanted to know he loved all of her, no matter what. Right now, it felt that way - he just wanted proof that he was right. Because once he had proof, he could give her the support she needed, maybe be the guy she deserved.

She didn't like the shrug, because it felt like it meant he was dismissing something, and she didn't want things to be dismissed. But still, she listened to what he was saying. Or more, read, because he was farther away and the hearing aids she had were less than stellar. She could hear tone, though. That was better than nothing. "How does it work with us?" she asked. Weird how yesterday she would have been able to answer that one herself, but she wasn't exactly sure right now so she wanted to know how he would put it. If she was getting something wrong, she wanted to know what so she could mentally adjust her thinking.

"You always come first," Dean told her, without having to pause for thought at all. The answer was just right there, and he said it as though it were the most natural thing in the world. And it was, for him. He loved her - and that meant that she could do no wrong, and if there was ever anything, he'd always forgive her. It meant that he knew that if there ever was anything, it was probably his own fault anyway. He didn't at all recognise that that possibly wasn't the most emotionally healthy and normal way to look out over life, but that was how Dean was. He'd do anything for his friends, and she was rather more than a friend. "What Oz said, what anybody says - I'm always going to be there to stand up for you. Always going to be in your corner. And if there's anything between you and me - well, you know how we work. We talk about things, we work them out. And they always work out. Because that's how we are..."

She could understand the sentiment there. He was first for her too. Always. At the end of the day, things came down to Dean in a whole lot of Thia's life. So, even if it might not be the most on the level of ways of doing things, they weren't a normal couple, never would be, and she wasn't thinking about it in any other ways. She also agreed that they worked things out, because that was what they did. It was what they were doing now. "I'm still sorry." she said quietly. "I really...I'm sorry. And okay. For me, I just...I know how much you don't like this. And even if I can see the logic and everything else, I don't want to do anything that...that has this huge bomb effect on you or anything, and I just...I wouldn't want you to look at me differently, and I was worried and I'm sorry."

Dean shook his head a little. "Thi - I just... I want this to be your decision. Yeah, I don't like it and you know where I stand on abilities being used for weapons, but... I hated it when it looked like you were saying you'd go with whatever other people wanted you to do. Like it was up to them what you did with your own body. It's not - it's up to you and nobody can tell you differently. And if I believe that - and I do - that means that I can't tell you differently either. I mean, I can't just - I can't just go 'hey, don't listen to them, do whatever you want, except not, cos you've got to do what I want instead'. That doesn't make sense at all and it's not fair. And I'd not be being fair if I expected you to only do what I wanted like that. So, what I want is for you to do what you want. I want you to make your own decisions on that - doesn't matter what I think."

"It matters to me what you think." she told him. Because it did. It always mattered what he thought, and sure, most of the time if she wanted opinions from him she had to specifically ask, but still. "I want to know what you think, I want to know how you feel, because it's important. I know it matters to you what I think on things, it's the same thing here. Plus, I don't want to make the decision alone. I want your point of view too. I need it." She really hoped that made sense, she wasn't sure she could break it down farther. At least, not sitting here in a hallway waiting for maybe-demons to show up.

"You'll get my point of view when you want it," he promised her, glad that she wanted it. It was one of the many little ways she'd always made him feel special - that she felt his opinion on things was important. He'd so rarely had that before. Not consistently anyway. Not before he came to Marquette. "I just don't want you deciding something 'because Dean says so'. Or 'because if I did it that other way Dean would be mad at me'. Because I won't be. You do something in a way that I didn't want, I'll deal - I'll adapt."

"If I promise I won't just automatically do what you say, will you give me your opinons and feelings on things?" she asked. "I won't, I'll puzzle things out and decide, I just...your point of view is important to me. And you see things or think of things I don't. Having your point of view and everything is always going to be important, because of that, and because I love you and everything else. Right now this is pretty serious. And you've been there for all my 'pretty serious' for a long time now and this isn't any different. So...I won't do anything just on your say. But I want your say."

Dean nodded. "Yeah - yes, I will. I just - I won't make your decisions for you. And I won't - I'm not going to turn around and dump you or anything if you do something I don't like. Just saying," he told her.

It actually hadn't occurred to her that he'd drop her for it. Just that he'd view her differently, and hearing it put in that context was jarring, and it had her blinking for a moment. She righted the ring on her finger again and had to look down at it, adjusting it a few more times til it was perfect. "It...um. It hadn't crossed my mind that you'd do that." she admitted. "I was just worried that you'd think about me differently. I never thought you'd leave." Maybe she should have considered that. She looked back up at him. "what's your opinion on this?" she said, making a vague gesture towards the arrows.

"Oh." Dean was clearly a little thrown by that. He'd assumed that she'd thought that if he viewed her differently, then that would change their relationship and maybe it would be the beginning of the end and things would go downhill and be unrecoverable and... Clearly he was just overreacting again. Right. He did that. Moving on! "I... I can see why you'd think it could be a good idea," he said, trying to move past his gut 'oh hell no' reaction to something slightly more rational. He wasn't always so good at rational though. "I don't know if it's something you need to do. And - you said you remembered what it was like, just with rats. I'd... I don't want you to have to deal with that if it's not something you have to do." His own experiences told him that sometimes 'I had no choice' was a huge life-raft to cling to if everything spiralled badly.

"With the rats...they hadn't done anything. It wasn't really their fault there, or whatever, and I've got nothing against rats, and they all just died." she said. "This...whatever it is. Or whatever they are, they slaughtered four teachers. And I'm only kinda useful. Like...okay I can sit here and be invisible and keep watch, and still not make myself a target. I could probably walk the halls, all dis-embodied and stuff, and see what I could see, since there's enough energy here that I could do it without y'know, totally draining myself." Not that Dean would ever clear that particular mission. And even if he said he didn't want to tell her what to do, there were certain cases where yes, he really could. And she'd listen. "If worst comes to worst I can heal people, and stuff, and if word can't get to the outside and we really really need it to, I can probably hop out and come back fast, with whatever information we need out there getting there. But that's all just kind of..." she shook her head. "It doesn't deal with the problem. And I've got my bow, but I doubt my abilities to actually make that work for us. The blood thing just kind of...ensures it will if I even land a shot." Her tone wasn't one that was arguing a side, mostly just putting out there how her thought process was going.

Dean looked around, to see if there was anyone else in sight or earshot. There was nobody in sight, but he decided that he didn't particularly want to risk the earshot part. When we first knew about things with your dad, he signed. "Caleb," - he didn't know a sign for Caleb, after all - and I we - he took me to a place. He wanted to know how good I was. What I would be like, at fighting things. At killing them. He took me to a place where we were attacked by things. "Some kind of creature - I dunno what. Maybe demons, maybe not - I don't know." It was easier, killing them, when they were attacking me. When it was me or them. But, I needed to know and so I injured one. It fell and couldn't get up. And then I killed it. Went right over and killed it. "It was after that that - that I dropped any thoughts about your dad. That I decided that I couldn't do it." Not that it made much difference - he'd killed the guy anyway. He just hadn't hunted him down and killed him in cold blood. There was a world of difference.

She kept up with the sign, understanding as he told the story why he was keeping that communication silent. She thought about that, wondering when it had happened, why he hadn't told her. But maybe it was just too personal. And with the subject of her father, she remembered just how bad things got. She still remembered getting up to leave, and him clinging to her. Literally clinging, just for a minute. How do you feel about things now? Has that changed, or is it the same? she signed back to him, wondering if the point of view had altered in light of what had happened with her father, or if it still stood.

I'm not a hunter. He guessed the sign for 'hunter' - it was more of an acting out than anything official and he backed it up with the spoken word as well, the tone there questioning, to make it clear that he didn't know the sign. She'd have to teach it to him sometime - he was still learning, after all. But, I can deal with it if something comes. "Knowing you have no choice makes a huge difference," he told her, switching back to the spoken word again. "But, it still hurts. If it was up to me, I'd prefer you never had to find out either. I know it's too late for that, really, but - but before we were always just reacting. Now, this - this is planning, I just... You know me, you know I'd prefer to hide you away and do whatever it takes to keep you safe and protected," he landed on in the end, giving up trying to justify it from another angle. Bottom line was that he'd always liked being her hero.

She repeated the sign, just sort of an automatic thing. "Hunter." she said as she did it, then continued thinking on what he said. But these things'll kill us. We know that. So wouldn't they be in that category? we'd just be waiting for them to show up to try and kill us, or them. she said nodding towards the doors. Would setting myself up with something I have a good idea would kill them be hunting, if I waited for it to come to me?

Dean shook his head. No, it wouldn't. You shot shadows. You know you may have to shoot at what is out there now. Would it make a difference to you to know that you would kill them and you would kill them because you have taken a decision that they were going to definitely die? You couldn't just injure them, not even if you tried, he pointed out. For me, I'm a good shot. I know that I can kill things. And I know usually that I will when I pull the trigger. Again, he didn't know the word for 'trigger', so he just made a shooting gesture. I'm okay with that, if I didn't start it, look it out. You need to know whether you are. And whether knowing you will kill, not injure, will make a difference.

She was silent for a few moments as she let that roll over in her mind. She could see what he was saying, and she was glad he was worried about her mental health and all, with the questions he posed. Here's what I know. I know that whatever was in here killed four people. I know that it's probably not human. I know that injuring it might mean that it just goes away for now, but heals up and kills more people later, when I could have done something now. I know the authorities aren't going to show up and arrest whatever's out there, and put them in jail for normal justice. And I know what it's like to be a victim, and I don't want anyone in there to ever have to feel like I did. she explained out, so much as she was able. She would have said it out loud, but she didn't want that overheard. It also still wasn't a decision on her part, she was just expressing how she saw things.

Dean nodded his understanding of all that, before going back to asking questions again. What if someone got in the way? One of these people here- he purposefully depersonalised it, knowing that she'd known some of 'those people' all her life, but not wanting to bring names and personalities into it. What if one of them stepped into your line as you shot? You wouldn't be able to heal them fast enough. He put aside his feelings on her healing for now. He was trying really hard to keep his personal feelings out of this right now, even though she'd asked him for his opinion. He knew how he felt about things already, this was something slightly different. This was how he thought about it.

Again, she put time into thinking it over. I wouldn't take the shot. Too risky. I wouldn't even raise the bow, if someone else were around to accidentally get in the way. she signed back, because she did know where that line was drawn. She wasn't good enough yet. While she'd trust Dean to shoot at her and hit something behind her, she wouldn't trust herself to do anything of the kind. No no and no. She flat out wasn't that good. Dean was.

"Okay," he said, aloud this time, before reverting to sign. So if there were people around, you just wouldn't shoot? Could you do that? Just stand there? he asked her, feeling like he was being pushy right now, but wanting to help her think things through.

She didn't feel like he was being pushy, he was helping quite a bit. She shook her head. I wouldn't do nothing. I just wouldn't take a shot with the bow. I'm not good enough. You are. I'd trust you to do something like that, take a close shot, but me? No way. I'm getting better but I'm not nearly that good. I know I wouldn't just stand idly by, I just know I wouldn't risk a bow shot. Thia sighed. I'd probably do something stupid like run up and jam the thing in it myself, or tried to distract it, but I wouldn't do anything to endanger anyone else.

Dean gave her a Look at that that suggested that she really wasn't helping him feel any better right now. But she was, really - he knew he overthought almost everything in life, but thinking things through, looking at the angles, considering things completely - it always made him feel better, even when it made him feel worse. At least it meant that he'd given it time, that he shouldn't really be blindsided by things. Didn't always work, but that was the way he saw it. Helping her to do what he did naturally was making him feel more comfortable again. I actually didn't mean a close shot, he signed at her. I meant what if you had a clear shot and something happened - someone fell, or stumbled. Was pushed, or thrown - into the path. Nothing wrong with your aim, just a block.

She nodded. Same answer, if anyone was in my way at all? Between me and the target? No shot. it'd be way too risky, so I wouldn't take it. she answered, not having to think on that one, because it was exactly the same, close or far. Actually, she'd still probably try to run up with an arrow even if it was far, but that wasn't the point. The point was if anyone was around that wasn't behind her or something, then she wasn't doing anything that was archery-related. She knew her limits there, and wasn't about to go testing them.

"You know I'd stop you if you tried to run up to one of them, right?" Dean checked. Not for a moment did he imagine being anywhere but right by her side.

She nodded. "I know." she told him. "But I'd be staying out of your way too. Hopefully, there won't be a scenario where any of this is really viable. What about you...this is the first time you've even really touched it. How're you doing? Are you okay?" she asked, half reaching out, though he was still too far away to touch, so she let her hands fall back to her lap.

He looked at her for a moment, then made the decision and lifted himself back up to sit next to her once again. "Dunno," he admitted, resting his head next to hers, so he could keep his voice down and she'd still be able to hear him. He hoped, anyhow - he didn't actually know how good her hearing aids were, they hadn't seen enough of each other to really test them yet. "Got used to it again," he added, not wanting to admit just quite how natural it felt, putting it on again. That was just a scary thought.

"I didn't think you'd ever want it again." she said. And she'd discouraged it even, since she wasn't sure how he was dealing. But he'd called for it so he got it. That just didn't mean she assumed everything was fine. She was glad when he got closer, and she reached up, sliding her fingertips up over his shoulder then down just along the edge of the holster there. "You know you don't have to have it. You don't have to carry it." she told him, voice soft, just so it was out there that it wasn't required of him.

Dean didn't answer straight away, and part of him wished he was still in front of her, using sign language. "I don't trust myself with it," he said, at length. "My reactions. Lately... Well, always really... I overreact. And, overreacting and carrying a gun aren't exactly a great combination. But, sometimes, it's not overreacting. It's just reacting. This is just reacting."

She watched him carefully, listening and trying to figure out how best to proceed. "I don't think you always overreact." she said. "And I don't think you've ever overreacted with that. I think that you know how serious it is. You carry it with you all the time. You wouldn't let yourself use it unless you had to." she said, with that faith in him she always had. That was one thing that she wasn't going to lose, just..faith in him. Faith in how he did things, how he worked. Plus, she even knew how he thought sometimes, with all the rules in place.

"No - I carried it with me all the time. I don't now." And there was a reason for that which didn't have anything to do with that night on the beach. He could have taken the gun back when they returned to Marquette. He'd dealt with a lot of what had happened that night, but he'd given himself some time. And he'd discovered that he reached for it. Even when he wasn't packing, that was his instinct. And that had scared him, in a totally different way to what he'd done. She might have faith in him, but he didn't have faith in himself.

She shook her head. "Not the gun. I meant you carry with you how serious it is. The knowledge that it isn't to be taken lightly, that it's not just something you can pull out for no reason." she corrected, realizing that she hadn't phrased it particularly well. "And because you'll never let yourself forget that, you won't forget it. It's not going to become easier, or you won't get more reckless, and if I see that happening, if I think you're drifting off the rails, you know I'll tell you." she said, adding in that failsafe she'd promised him way back when. She was still fully aware of it. Like she had been when she'd pulled him off of Andy.

"I know - you're my breaks on that slippery slope. You'll always pull me back," he agreed, with full confidence that she would. That she'd always be there, no matter what Caleb insinuated, or quasi-suggested. The guy didn't know, didn't understand. He and Thia had an agreement, they'd worked it out.

She smiled a little, seeing that he had that faith in her. That was good. She wanted him to believe her. She certainly meant every word of it. "But I still think you know the differences here. And it's good that you worry about it. It's good that you show that you know it could be bad, or whatnot, but that's just part of who you are. I know you have your rules. You'll stick to them." she said. She knew he would. He always did. His entire life was run on rules that he made up and implemented. "Do you still not trust yourself with it?" she asked. "Because if you don't...you shouldn't have it. I don't want you doing anything you don't feel comfortable with."

"Right now, I'm fine," Dean assured her. "We're in a situation where it's needed, so I should have it. Then, when this is all over, we can go back to the orphanage." He paused and ran his hand over her bare wrist. "And we can get your bracelet back too."

She smiled slightly, looking down at his fingers on her wrist. "Yeah. I...it would have taken extra time to get it out of the lock so I just left it there." she explained. "I wanted to get to you as soon as possible." Glancing back up to his eyes, she ticked her gaze between his for a moment. "Anything you want, that's what we'll do." she promised. She did know she'd be watching pretty damn closely. She'd not feel right if she wasn't. No, she'd be keeping her eye on him, make sure he was alright, and the second he wasn't...well, she'd have to take care of him. It was what she did.

"Same for you," Dean replied, a reminder that they were meant to be talking about her right now. She had a tendency to do that, to edge the conversation round to him. So he'd just edge it right back again.

She smiled. "I know." she said. Yes, he'd do the same for her. He'd always been good at that, and he only got better as their relationship went along. She also realized that they'd talked about her situation and the blood and the arrows and everything but they'd made no decisions. She still didn't know what to do. She was no closer to knowing than when they'd started. But, his walking her through questions had helped. Which she thought she should tell him. "Hey...when you were walking me through the questions? That helped. I appreciated that." she told him.

Dean shrugged a shoulder. "Yeah? I just... That's - I guess that's like a peek into what it's like in my brain. You know how you asked me if I always thought everything through before I made a decision? Well... that's kind of how I do it," he explained. "I just ask myself questions and figure out what the answers are, then figure out the answers to the questions that come up after the first answers and go from there."

She looked at him, and there was a light smile touching her lips, and affection clear in her expression. It was there in her tone, too, when she spoke. "Must be a busy place in there." she said, reaching up to touch his temple lightly. "It's a good thing one of us thinks everything through properly." Even if she knew she was pretty solid most of the time. It wasn't like she went off making rash decisions at the drop of a hat. It just wasn't how she did things. What she did know, however, was that she was a very emotionally based person. She went with her heart, she went with her gut. And while she could sit back and logic things out and be reasonable at people, her driving force was emotional not intellectual.

"Not everything," Dean corrected, because they'd both seen him react at a moment's notice, during those times when sitting and thinking was the last thing he needed to be doing, and it all shut off. he didn't think things through during that time. Then again, when that veil of concentration and action lifted, he was generally a certified mess. But, recently, she'd always been there to help him through it and his appreciation for that was shown in the look he gave her.

"Okay, not everything." she agreed. Dean did have basic crisis mode which didn't involve overthinking at all. That was when the shit hit the fan and he just acted. And it was during one of those times that she'd first really had it hit home to her that he was incredibly freaking attractive. And because her mind went there, she smirked a little bit and colored just a touch.

"What?" Dean asked, his tone playfully intrigued as he caught the colour in her cheeks, even in the half-light. A smile played across his lips as he looked at her, wondering what she was thinking right now - especially since it didn't seem to go with the subject. He knew that look on her though, and knew it wasn't anything bad.

She actually giggled just a touch, at herself, and she looked shy and away for a second, then back to him. "It was when you were busy not overthinking that I first just looked at you and...." she trailed off, feeling all kinds of silly in the moment though good-silly. She actually signed the rest. Wanted to drag you off and do all kinds of interesting things to you. Because yeah, there were people on the other side of that door and she didn't even want to risk being overheard.

"Oh, right - yeah." She'd told him that. With the guns and the bed and the him injured and stuff. In fact, he'd freaked out a little when she'd first told him, before she explained properly. "So, erm... Does this mean that, right now, I'm..." He wanted to sign the rest as well, but didn't really know the words. better. he settled for, though it wasn't the 'more attractive to you' that he meant.

She tilted her head to the side and eyed the sign, not quite sure what he was getting at there. So, to clarify, she leaned closer to him and whispered into his ear. "It means right now you are in fact, very attractive to me. But you always are. You know sometimes you can push my buttons without even doing anything at all but leaning back against something and looking at me." Well, it was true. Sometimes, she just looked over and was hit upside the head with 'zomghot'.

"I just... You know, nevermind, it doesn't really matter. Now's kind of - well, it's really not the time, is it?" he didn't really need to know if she found him more attractive in the middle of a crisis - after all, it wasn't like they were going to act on it or anything, so, yeah, completely inconsequential knowledge.

She glanced up the hall, then back at him, smirking just a tiny bit. "You just what?" she asked. "Matters to me." She wanted to know what was on his mind. And really, she'd take this subject over 'so are you gonna kill with your toxic blood?' That really tended to just...yeah. So, she'd gladly take the momentary distraction.

Dean looked uncertain for a moment, then went with it, since she'd asked. "I just... wondered if you preferred me like this. Not, I mean - well, right now-now hardly counts, right? Because, well, but, you know..."

She shook her head. "No." she answered, not having to think about it at all. "There's just something about you that's...compelling when you focus. And like I said. Sometimes you don't have to do anything at all, just be present and looking your gorgeous self. I was just reminded that it was a situation like this when I first really looked at you like that. I think part of it was you were so focused, and none of it was on me. But you were there with me, so...so I could watch you. Which sounds really stalkery of me, I know, but..." she shrugged one shoulder. "It's the truth. I could watch you, without distraction. Just...you being you, doing something you believed in, something that you'd thrown yourself into without even thinking about it. You were very...driven. Badass. Powerful. A lot of things, all kind of contributed." she said, watching his eyes as she spoke.

"A lot of things I'm normally not," Dean agreed, recognising that. It was like he became someone else for a little while. Someone better. he'd wish that he could keep it going, except that he knew the cracks were inevitable. Focused, driven and powerful he might be, but he did that by burying everything that made him him. he was glad she didn't find him more attractive when he was like that. It would take something away.

Thia blinked at that, and eyed him. "Do you think you're not?" she asked, clearly not thinking that. "Really? I see it. They're just drawn to the surface all at once in times of trouble." she said. "You were focused when you were tracing my outline on the wall." she pointed out. "That had nothing to do with any trouble but was really, really there at the time. You kind of do any time you're doing something that you're putting effort into." She smiled. I even saw it when you told me I was building my castle wrong and you fixed it for me. got signed, because she knew he'd be far too embarrassed if she said it out loud. "Power comes up when you're being passionate about something. Whether it's something you strongly believe in, or...other things. But I see that, too. The badass part, well. That's mostly crisis, but it comes up when you're being protective, too, even if there's nothing active around to tangle with. It's there. So...I wouldn't say they're things you're normally not. Not at all. I see it. It's just you."

It seemed obvious when she put it like that, but confusion still flickered across Dean's face, because he hadn't ever seen it like that. She just had a way of putting things that made him feel like he was some stranger, rather than himself. Made him seem like she saw a better person than he'd ever thought he was. It was a really nice feeling, if a little trippy.

She watched that confusion, and figured it was the same thing that usually happened with Dean. She loved the guy but he tended to have this huge mental block when it came to himself. Like there were all these things that made him absolutely extraordinary, and he missed every single aspect. Hell, half the time he couldn't even take a compliment, but that didn't mean she stopped giving them. "Everything I find attractive during times like this is all there. it's all part of you at different times. I think I just noticed when I did because it was all those really attractive qualities, and they were all there, present at the same time and I'd have to be a blind idiot not to see it. Or gay. But I'm not any of those things, and I had the time to focus on you, and it all clicked. Maybe it lingers just because of the association, even. I remember that sudden just...rush and it was kind of like seeing you in this entirely different light, where I knew all that stuff was there, but all of a sudden it meant something else. So...could be because it's all there and it reminds me of that first time you made me feel like..." she blushed a faint bit again. "...I hadn't really thought that I'd feel that way ever after Joshua and it kinda hit like a meteor. Even...well. Even moreso than it had ever really been with him." she admitted, which she hadn't said before. But then she knew there was a big difference, which was just with her and Joshua, it had been a very tame kind of romance, and she'd never fallen for him. With Dean, it was different. So much of their relationship wound up being based in intensity, whether they tried that or not, and when she fell for him, it wasn't any different. It was sudden, and hard.

"You know," Dean said, after a moment or two, wanting to gain control of the conversation again. He always felt a little out of control when she started saying too much about him that was nice. "I seem to remember that you should have actually been concentrating on the fact that I was hurt... You were meant to be patching me up, weren't you?" Rather than getting all about the bed and stuff, he added changing round what he wanted to say to fit what he knew how to say.

"Hey, I did patch you up." she said. "I did a very good job of it, while you were letting me. I didn't let my hormones or anything distract me from my job." she insisted. Which she hadn't. It had just been there. Distracting, even if she hadn't been fully distracted enough to quit what she was up to.

"Yeah, you did - you're good at patching me up," Dean agreed, wondering if she'd have to do it here. So far, they'd seen nothing, but the teen was still on edge, waiting for whatever was out there to come back. He'd heard some of the girls talking about a black shape. Just one, that could be something. Maybe it was fast, just one thing for four teachers. Then he or someone else could kill it and they could... Still be stuck here in the storm, wondering.

"Yes, I am. And as much as I enjoy it, and you do too, let's go for not having to do it." she said, looking back up the hall as she saw movement. But, after tensing, she saw it was just a ghost, that was wandering back up the hall, then pausing to look out the windows. Weird how something people could be so afraid of before was suddenly relieving to see. Even in the creepy setting, it was 'normal'. It wasn't a black shape slaughtering people, therefore it was fine.

"Yeah, I'd be a fan of that," Dean agreed, also watching the ghost float past. That was the thing that creeped him out about ghosts, he decided. He wasn't scared of them, but, well - they made no sound. He couldn't hear them coming. Most of the time, that didn't bother him so much, but at times like this, it was just wrong on a whole new level. It made him realise just how much he relied on his hearing when he was on watch.

She was quiet for a few long moments, watching the spirit, then switching her attention to Dean. "I figure we can keep watch til around first light?" she suggested. "Then get some rest, and figure out food for everyone then?" And figure out what was going on with possible help being on the way but that was something she wanted to take care of after she got to know that everyone was at least getting their basic needs met. Which also reminded her. "...bathroom breaks for everyone too." Unless there was one in the chapel, but she kinda doubted it.

"I was going to suggest we go a little before then - I think most people will be up until it's light, just from adrenaline or whatever. It's going to be later that most are going to be looking for downtime, and I'd feel better if we could get some sleep alone. There's a couple of rooms to the back of the chapel, maybe one of them'll be free or something," he suggested, hoping that most people would want to huddle together for a while.

She nodded. "Okay. And...I'm sure it'll be fine." She was kinda willing to bet people weren't going to want to spend a whole lot of up close and personal time with the dead girl. That would just be off. So, yeah. She was thinking if they asked for a little privacy, no one was going to argue. And that was just a depressing thought, but it was there. "I missed you, you know." she said, giving him a light half smile.

"I missed you too. But this wasn't exactly how I imagined seeing you again. Y'know, figured that I'd just be bored and texting you for the next day or so... I nearly did, eariler on? Not when I did, but... I was never going to sleep well in a room full of lads, but I figured you'd be sleeping - s'why I phoned Billy as well when I did. Get you up," he explained.

She smiled. "I would have liked that. And yeah, I hadn't really imagined this for seeing you again either." Really, this kinda wrecked some plans she'd had, but that wasn't anything she was bringing up. "I had your hoodie to help me sleep. Which sounds really stupid, but...." she trailed off. yep. there was a reason she had been able to snag that in the three seconds it had taken her to go from sleeping to out through the mirror.

"But it means you're warmer now," Dean ended for her, rather than giving any kind of an opinion on the stupidity-or-not of it. Actually, he thought it was rather sweet, even if he'd given up on that ever being 'his' hoodie ever again. Talking of that, though, made him more aware that he was still in his pyjamas, or, at least, the pants and tshirt he had been sleeping in. He's stopped for long enough to put his boots on - not laced up, and without socks, which didn't make them particularly comfortable, and meant that he looked a little bizarre, all things considered, but one of his last crises had featured heavily with broken glass, so he hadn't been willing to go anywhere barefoot.

And Thia was barefoot. and talking about the hoodie had her thinking about everyone else and she laughed a little. "...worst slumber part ever." she offered. "But yeah, I'm warm. When you get cold, we can trade for a while. That work?" she asked. Then she pondered. "Maybe after a while I can try to drift to people's dorms to get things and bring them back. Y'know...non-manifestation really. I'd just have to do that to pick things up then I'd dissolve again and bring things back."

"Maybe," Dean agreed - to both of those, though he didn't say anything about how willing he would be to actually agree to them when the time came. It would all depend on circumstance, on what came, and what it actually turned out to be. He knew he needed to go and talk to Caleb at some point, but last time he'd looked, the guy had been busy - and anyway, Dean had been in a hurry to get back to Thia, and now he was in no hurry to leave her. Caleb could wait, he'd say if there was anything important they needed to go over. He moved a little closer to the girl, resting his cheek atop her head as he looked out over the darkened corridor, waiting for something to come that wasn't a ghost.

Thia snuggled to him, as much as she could without compromising either of their effectiveness in being on watch, and exhaled, settling slightly. It was weird that this actually kind of felt normal. That it was familiar enough to do that. She was still scared, she was still worrying about what was going to happen, both with the demons or whatever, and with people knowing about her. She was worried about Dean, and how he was feeling about the gun...everything. But even so she still was able to deal with it. She could still process it all and do things like sidetrack into a conversation with her boyfriend about what she found attractive in him. ...she wasn't sure if that should scare her or not.

Dean let the silence drift for a few minutes, his attention returning to their primary task at hand, though there was nothing to see or hear. That, he knew, was mostly what being on watch was all about - waiting and watching, and there being nothing there. It stopped being 'watch' when something turned up. That's when it became a fight. "So, you wanna see if we can go get some sleep?" Dean asked her, eventually. He didn't know if it would be possible, but he'd like to try. Especially for her, who'd done two jumps tonight - though she seemed just fine now. Knowing what he did about fades, he assumed that there was enough negative energy in this place to give her a nice boost back towards normal.

After a last look around, she nodded. "Yeah. I don't think there's much else we can do. We can figure out more in a couple of hours." she said. She found it weird that the teachers were killed outright then nothing happened, but...well. It wasn't like she was going to claim to understand the forces of darkness now. "I...don't guess I could fade out and meet you inside there someplace where no one could see me?" she asked, not sounding like she thought he'd think that was okay.

"If that's how you want to do it, sure," Dean told her, giving her hand a squeeze. he could understand why she wouldn't want stares, or to remind people she was here. There was part of Dean that wanted to pull her into the chapel, stand them both up on the altar, gather everyone around and just explain everything, but he knew that wasn't really an option. Anyway, he'd probably fuck everything up anyhow.

She was quiet for a second, reaching out to fix her ring again, even if it didn't need it, and she played with one of the laces of Dean's boot. "Do you think they're going to be afraid of me?" she asked, voice quieter, and she wasn't looking at him, even if she did ninety nine percent of the time. It was just hard. The whole thing was, and she didn't even know what to expect or how to feel.

Dean's instinctual reaction to that suggestion was the thought that if they wanted to be afraid of her, then they'd have to be more afraid of him, but he didn't say that. The thought was there though, if people were going to be that stupid. "I think they're going to be wanting to know what's going on," he said, instead.

Nodding, she figured that as well. It made sense. They were probably wondering now. Or, maybe they weren't, and no one cared considering the circumstances. "Do you think it'd be better or worse to kind of...keep hiding?" Since she was aware that was part of what she was doing right now. Hiding. Sure it was productive hiding, but that didn't change the fact.

"I... really don't know," Dean admitted. He wished he did. He wanted to have all the answers for her. But he was never going to have all the answers, he knew that. "I don't think we should let people leave without them knowing something though. With Gabe... I should have taken him aside there and then and explained things to him. But I didn't, and he went and told people. I'm not going to risk that again."

Thia shivered a little, and scooted a tiny bit closer. "Yeah. I...think you're right. Not that you should have talked to Gabe that night, I honestly don't think he was listening whatsoever. I mean, remember how he just kept repeating himself? 'you expect me to forget?' Like we hadn't said anything at all, and he was just stuck on one percieved statement that neither of us even said. I don't think pulling him aside would have done anything but antagonize him all the more. But I agree that we shouldn't let people leave here without explanation. Then they're sure to tell people."

"Antagonise him all the more - like I didn't end up doing that in the end anyway," Dean pointed out. The guy had nearly broken his nose, after all. "I just... have to do better in explaining. But - I managed it with Oz and everyone, and with Caleb and that didn't come to a fight, so I should just... remember that." Except those times, he'd been dealing with people who knew about things that were out there, and that group in there was a largely unknown quantity.

"Dean--don't. Okay? I'm not listening to you go off on this blaming yourself thing again. He's a fucking idiot, he always has been, and he can't listen worth a damn. That isn't your fault now, it wasn't your fault then, and I'm just...not entertaining that. So don't." she said, looking at Dean with a frown. "And you won't have to do a better job at explaining, I should probably do it myself. Or we can do it together. But it's not falling on you automatically to do it for me."

"I'm just stating fact, Thia - I set out to talk to the guy and we both left bloody. Caleb says I get kinda... defensive... when it comes to you." And he knew that that was probably putting it mildly. Dean was aware of how he got, it was simply that awareness didn't always help rein him in. It just helped him feel worse about it later, and promise himself that he'd do better next time. "Maybe we should start with the people you knew. See how it goes. And I'll be whatever and wherever you want me to be. I'll do it all, if that's what you want," he added, even if she'd only just told him that it wasn't automatically his responsibility.

"Yeah, and the guy threatened to tell the entire school that I was out there. Honestly, if I'd been there, I would have started a fight." she said. "I just really hate that self-blame thing you have going on because it's all the time, and it's for shit you can't actually claim blame for. I just..." she trailed off, exhaling and trying to get herself to untense. "It's just there. It's in your tone, in the way you talk about it, everything. And it's bullshit, and every once in a while I really wish you would hand over blame to the people that actually deserve it. In that situation, you were defending me. In a situation where frankly, I needed defending. And if you claim blame and start talking fault and everything then it's like you're ashamed you did it at all. Or that you were in the wrong when I'm sorry, but if he had done that? It could have gotten me killed. It could have gotten all of us killed." And why this was hitting her so hard right now, she didn't know. So she examined it, and saw the source fairly readily. It was the situation. It was the same thing, just on such an overwhelmingly large scale that she didn't even know how to start dealing with it, and there was Dean using his 'all my fault, I'm bad' tone and it wasn't helping. Especially not when she needed to believe he'd back her. That he'd help her and protect her and defend her if she needed it. But maybe she shouldn't. Because even when he did things that were justified all he did was turn it back around and use it against himself every chance he got. She didn't want to be responsible for handing him one more thing.

"I'm not ashamed!" Dean exclaimed, a little louder than normal, though as usual he didn't raise his voice enough for it to classify as a 'shout'. he caught himself and settled down a little more as he continued. "I'm not ashamed - I just think that I should have been able to have that conversation as a conversation, not a fight. I should have been able to get through to him and when I look back, I don't think it ended bloody just because Gabe's a dick. It was because I see red when anyone says anything about you that's even slightly negative. I'm not ashamed of it, not at all. I just - there's a rational part of me that knows that possibly I... well, I overreacted when I could have done something else. Course, there's that other part of me that doesn't care - he shut up, job done. But... I think that had more to do with Isaac than it had to do with me."

She blinked when he was louder. Dean didn't do raising his voice. Not really. Even if she recognized it as just raising his voice for Dean, when it wouldn't be considered that to anyone else. She listened to what he had to say, and gave herself a second before answering. "And I think sometimes you still don't recognize that the people in the world around you aren't necessarily good people. Sure, some of them are. But I remember Gabe from school. And you know what? He was a dick. He was a dumb jock who picked on people, was Chrissy's little boytoy for a while, and laughed at people and joined in insults tossed up the hallway when he was with his hockey buddies. Not everyone can be got through to with a good talk. And...he'd already told other people. I don't think that's an overreaction, that was something that could have resulted in one hell of a lot of death if whoever he'd told had decided to tell someone else, so on and so forth. Hell, they still could. Claire and he may be gone, but maybe they talk wherever they are. And we have no idea who else he told. From what you told me...I don't think you overreacted. And you know I'd tell you if I did think that. I know you do sometimes. That doesn't mean every time anything happens that it falls into that category."

"...I don't know where the lines are," Dean admitted to her. Lines were important to him, where they were and where he was in relation to them - even if it was just knowing he was stepping over them. "Between what's an appropriate reaction and what's an overreaction. I don't know where that line is. It never feels like an overreaction at times." He paused, then added in a smaller voice, one which would be barely audible to her, "Sometimes it feels like an under reaction."

She looked at him closely for a few moments as she caught that, more from lip reading than hearing him, but still. "What do you mean?" she asked. Initially she'd just been going to say that blanketly deciding every reaction he had was an overreaction really wasn't the way to go, and if he needed help working out where the lines were, (because she did understand the importance lines had in Dean's head) she'd help as much as she could. But that broke down at that last bit. No, that needed addressing first.

Dean shrugged. "Told you, I get... It doesn't always end in a fight, you know. Even when sometimes I think it should. Or... I only punched Chance once," he said. That had felt like an under-reaction. After what the guy'd been saying.

"When do you think it should? Or...when do you feel like you should have done more?" she asked. "And Chance...you remember I hit him when I saw him, right?" she asked. "I think he was asking for that. And I mean that literally, like I think he was deliberately pushing your buttons to get you to hit him. He got into fights all the time, I can't say it'd be a big surprise or anything." she told him since Dean wouldn't really know that, but she did.

"I don't know - just sometimes. I try not to think about it too hard," Dean admitted. He didn't like to think about it, but that came back to the conversation he'd had with Caleb the other day, about how sometimes it would feel better to just give into the anger, rather than always holding himself back. Give into the anger and petty hatred, like imagining how that encounter with Chance could have gone - remembering how much he'd wanted the other guy to hit him back, so that he'd have a justification for grinding his face into the dirt like he'd wanted to. There was no doubt in Dean's mind that he could have done it. There never was, when it came to something like that and for Dean, who lived his life full of self-doubt, that was another example of why he needed to keep himself on a tight leash.

"Well if it's there, and it's bothering you, then you need to think about it." she said, tone gentle. She reached out to put her hand over his for a moment. "...not right this very second, but...soon." Because right now wasn't the time to do it. Right now they had other things to worry about, but when they got back home, maybe then. "When we get back sometime and have had time to relax and calm down from the latest mess?" she suggested, not wanting to put too fine a point on things.

He raised an eyebrow. "This is another one of those, isn't it? You know, you're not my counsellor," he told her, gently. After all, he'd last heard that tone on her when she'd been laying down rules about when he'd talk about her father. Giving him that structure, but at the same time being firm about it. Sometimes it was frustrating how well she knew him and knew what he needed.

She frowned a little, a flash of hurt in her eyes for a moment, and she looked away, up the hallway. "...I was just trying to help." she said, tone much quieter than it had been a moment ago. She didn't say more than that, but started a whole host of examinations in her head over those two sentences he'd just uttered. It wasn't a nice place, in her head in that moment.

Dean's jaw dropped slightly as she looked away and he realised that he'd upset her - he hadn't meant to upset her, not at all. He reached out, putting his palm against her face, and encouraged her to look back at him. "Didn't mean it like that," he told her, looking her in the eyes. "I meant that you don't have to do this. I appreciate it - really, I do. And you help me so much, but sometimes... You don't have to do all this for me."

She didn't fight him when he turned her face back towards his. She wasn't sure. Mostly because of what had gone through her mind when he'd said it in the first place, and the doubts that put in place. And doubt was a funny thing. It could get implanted deep pretty damn fast. Still, she listened to what he was saying. There was the 'but' there. "I don't see it as doing something for you, I see it as doing something with you. Issues, we...do that together. do you want me to back off?" she asked. "Is that what you're saying?"

He shook his head and set the gun back down at his side, giving up on watch almost completely, just for the moment. He knew he shouldn't, but she was more important. "No - that's not what I'm saying. I just... Sometimes it leaves me feeling like I'm this bundle of issues and it's just another thing for you to work with. Which... Maybe I am, but I don't ever want us to be... I don't want you ever to feel like that's what your there for - to make sure I deal with all my issues. It's like... We shouldn't even be talking about me at all. We were meant to be talking about you, but we ended up talking about me. I don't know why and I'm not saying it got deflected on purpose or anything, but... I don't want this to be all about me, even if it's not really, I just - does any of that make sense?" he asked her, not sure it did.

She wasn't sure if it made sense. She guessed in the abstract, it did. She got what he was saying, at the very least. Still, though. "You're never just...you're not just issues or something me to work with, or...nothing like that. I just...I love you, and you've got issues. So, when they pop up, I want to try and help. It's a natural reaction for me, I don't know how to go around that. And it's not like you never help me. You do all the time. Constantly. I've got tons of issues, and you help me through them, and some are going to take revisiting, like...like the new moon thing. But it's not all about you, or...sorry." she said, stopping before she got into a long ramble.

"Okay," Dean said, accepting that. But he knew she wouldn't just take an 'okay' as the end to it, so he continued on. "I just worry, sometimes. Helping you, that's not... That's just something that's easy for me. Which... is the same for you the other way round," he realised. It was just what they did, and hadn't he pointed that out before anyway? "There's just sometimes when it feels more about me - and you told me in England that if I ever thought that you were putting things off, then I wasn't to let you. But that's kind of like an aside right now. I just... You're so good at it, you know? With me, and getting me to deal with stuff. And I saw that then, like more than I would usually. You just - you know what'll work with me. And yeah, that's a good thing, but it also - god, it means that we've been through so much that you know what techniques to use to get me to talk about stuff."

"...I would just call that being really, really good friends." she said. "Which we are. And yes, we're more, but we've been doing this from the start. And yes, it is easy for me. And it's something I want to do. I guess it's telling that we've been through so much that I know how to help, but it's the same thing with you for me. We've just...been through a ton. And I think it's just something that says something about us as people, and makes us stronger. I don't feel like it's all about you. I really don't. I've never felt that way." she added honestly.

He gave her a small smile at that and leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers for a moment. "Sorry," he said, though the tone wasn't apologetic - it was accepting of everything. He took her hands as he pulled back a little. "Come on - let's get some rest. Before we have to go through more."

She felt like that was kind of abrupt, though she took his hands and stood up, leaning back like she used to to help him up. God, it was kind of an automatic gesture, but when was the last time she'd done it? She was hit with a weird nostolgic wave. "Everything's okay?" she asked, just to be sure.

Dean stood and stepped into her, another automatic reaction, even if he never used to act on it. He always used to want to, and now he revelled in the fact he could. He let her hands go and started to put an arm round her waist to draw her in, when he remembered where they were and stepped back instead, turning and retrieving the gun, slipping it back into its holster, and then the spare clip. The combination of dire emergency and shocked people probably meant that PDA was incredibly inappropriate right now. "Horror film nightmares aside, everything's okay," he confirmed.

For her part, she felt a little thrill as he stepped in, something that was different with the familiar action, and a different she could definitely get behind...and she thought he was starting to pull her in and all but then he didn't. And while there was a little flare up of disappoinment, she quashed it, getting that yeah. Crisis, emergency, all that. Probably not the time to get lost in a kiss, even if she'd like to. "Okay." she said, clearly accepting that. If he said it was okay, it was okay. She picked up the bow and her arrows, then moved to take his hand. "...ready then?" she asked, looking at the doors with a light sort of determination. She was going to have to do this so...might as well get it over with.

Dean glanced towards the door, then down the corridor. He looked back at her and decided 'fuck it'. So, there was an emergency - well, the emergency could just wait two damn seconds while he kissed his girlfriend. And so could everyone else who may-or-may-not have a problem with her being not-dead. He leaned in and kissed her, a short, but deep kiss, his hand going to the small of her back to hold her in place, before he let her go, looking at her with darkened eyes. "Ready," he confirmed, belatedly.

See, it was things like that that made Dean as attractive and compelling as he could be. Sometimes, he pulled just one little action, and it sent sparks through her system. Plus, she never got tired of that look in his eye. It took her a second too to answer, and when she did, it was with a bright, pleased smile. "Then let's go. Get some rest...snuggle." She liked snuggling. Plus it'd be warmer! That was her story and she was sticking to it.

"Whatever you want Thia," Dean agreed, taking hold of her hand and pulling her back towards the chapel entrance. He knew she'd go, at some point. If she faded totally, phased out, then she'd go, but until then he had her hand.