Take a chance

Who: Caleb and Nic
Where: The phone, then Caleb's house
When: Late

Unsurprisingly, Nic couldn't sleep. It seemed like she didn't need it to be a Tuesday night any more to have plenty of reasons to be awake, not lately at least. Tucked away in her room, she should've been rounding up a few changes of clothes for her impending trip, or training, reading, studying, anything but sitting with her window cracked to let a chill in as she stared at the numbers on her phone. It wasn't that Nic was smoking, though she certainly wanted to be, she just needed the light cold from outside bleeding in. She needed an excuse to blame her jitters on.

No matter what, Nic knew she was going to be calling Caleb. He deserved to know that she'd be out of town, otherwise he'd worry, because he was Caleb. That was what he did. And really, with the news of the last day or two, Nic didn't think it too outlandish to want someone ready to keep an eye on her mom if things got weird in town. Whatever they had to discuss? She knew she could trust him with that. Of course, there was her problem: Nic believed she could trust him, period, but she needed to convince him that she'd thought it through, that it wasn't a desperate clinging like so many other girls had apparently tried on him in the past.

No waffling, not this time. Don't say it unless you mean it, and don't back down once you say it, she chided herself, dialing his number and hunching forward in a cross-legged seat on her bed.

Caleb was down in the basement, working on a sketch. He'd got some art supplies via donations from Mathias, and while he hadn't wanted to do it that way, and he had stolen art shit from the school as well, in the end he'd broken down and gotten a few things. It was pretty much the only positive outlet he had. Or at least, it wasn't destructive. Anything else he was driven to do by the way his personality was set up wound up being massively self destructive in one way or another.

Everything but this. Taking an image from his mind and impressing it on the page, adding details as he went, light, shadows. At the moment he was drawing a view of the hallway at the asylum after he'd got done with it. The heavy cracks in the walls, the pure, unbroken white beyond the glass of the windows. Blood dripping down from a closed fist that was the closest foreground, though it was only that and the ragged tail of his shirt that was 'him' in the picture. When he heard soundgarden start to play, he looked over at his phone.

For a good few moments, he let it play, his insides twisting unpleasantly. Fuck. In the end he snatched it up and flipped it open, before it would go to voice mail. "...hey." he answered, voice a little quieter than it might have otherwise been.

There had almost been a feeling of relief as Nic counted the rings from her end of the phone, some cowardly sense that thought it'd be easier just leaving him a message, putting the proverbial ball in Caleb's court. The very idea didn't sit well, though, and she felt guilty for it the moment he answered. How many times had Caleb answered with a normal greeting? Not many, which meant that the strain of worry was probably mutual. "Hey," she said, tucking her legs in tight as Nic sat on her bed, "What, um, what're you doing? Aside from not sleeping like usual?"

Wondering when things are going to get awkward and you start tripping over something as simple as asking me what's up. Which hey, record time. I can stop wondering now. Caleb thought but didn't say. "Just sketching a little." he told her honestly. Normally he'd also be listening to music while he was working on a drawing, but tonight he hadn't had the concentration to do both at the same time. Not with as noisy as it was in his own head. "You?" he asked. "...everything okay?" Then he realized that was likely an unfair question and clarified. "You're not hurt or anything...right? Your mom's alright?"

"She's... freaked," Nic answered, smiling just a touch, "More or less what I expected, with all the news. But she's not hurt or anything, no. Just stressing, bewildered, more or less how I'd expect her to react." Which was a bit of a downplay; Nic's mom was paranoid now, worried for her safety and her daughter's, but coping better overall than much of the town. She ignored the question of if she was hurt or not, figuring that the leisurely pace of things would tell him that she was fine. "What're you sketching?" Nic asked, genuinely curious there. His art seemed like it might give glimpses of his frame of mind that Caleb himself wouldn't willingly give.

So asking you if you were okay was unfair. Check. he said, since she gave an assessment on her mom, but not herself, and he of course took it to mean the worst like he tended to do. Looking down at the drawing, he paused for a moment, then told her what had actually come to mind. "Self portrait." he told her. Yeah, he was in it a little and it wasn't really of him so much as the hallway, but he figured the hall he was drawing was a pretty good depiction of what was going on inside his head at the moment. After all, he hadn't even put the demon in there. Just the destruction he'd done.

Nic smiled a little, wondering if that bare admission told her something about how he was feeling. Caleb wasn't a fan of himself, after all, so if he was putting himself in a piece? Well, it wasn't like neither of them had reasons to be contemplative right now. Nic sighed quietly, hating how stilted she felt just trying to talk to him without saying everything on her mind. "Sounds interesting, I'd like to see it," she murmured, glancing from her window to her alarm to gauge the time. It was late enough that she could sneak out, in theory, so... "Can I?" Nic asked, steeling herself against her nerves, "I mean... I want to see you, y'know? Talk? If you felt like it. And maybe you could bring it or something?"

Caleb hesitated, not sure. Not because he didn't want to talk--he did. But more because he wasn't sure he wanted everything to be over right yet, which was why he hadn't told her in the first fucking place. Then he told himself he was a fucking idiot because just avoiding the talk wasn't actually going to stop anything from happening. "...yeah I could do that." he said, even if he didn't especially want her to see said drawing. "You want me to go there? I...the house here is empty at the moment." Just in case she wanted to shout at him.

"I can come by," Nic answered quickly, feeling relief just knowing she'd get a chance to vent her mess of thoughts. Of course, now she'd need to make sure she had the nerves to properly say it all. "I could use a walk anyway, so give me like fifteen, twenty minutes?" she asked, rising from her bed in search of her sweatshirt. She'd need a coat too, and that was assuming that Caleb was actually going to let her walk by herself, which Nic highly doubted.

"No, I--" he started, then broke off. No, he wasn't happy with the idea of her walking over. But was it his place to tell her that anymore? He didn't know. "Can I come get you instead?" he asked, amending his initial instinct to just tell her he would go over and get her, that she wasn't allowed to walk it on her own.

Even if she genuinely did want the walk and the chance to organize her thoughts, Nic was still pleased by the request. She shouldn't have been, she supposed; it wasn't as if Caleb had tried to bail on her. He'd just told her the truth, and now he was waiting for her to bail. "You totally can," Nic assured him, "Just, y'know, cut the headlights when you pull up. I'll be watching for you, okay?"

"Okay." he said, relieved that she was going to let him, even if he was aware then that they were going to need to be in the car and probably making small talk til they got to the house which was a bit of a nightmare for him. But he was up already and grabbing his keys off of the bedside table, dropping the sketch pad onto the blankets and starting upstairs. "I'll be there in a few." he promised. Then he had his usual flail of not knowing how to end communication. It was really something he ought to have picked up by now.

"Cool," Nic murmured, biting her lip in an awkward moment. Most times, with most people? She'd just say something nasty, maybe witty, and hang up. This was obviously different. "See you then. I..." miss you "I'll be ready. Bye." She waited a moment as Nic stepped into her shoes, not just wanting to abruptly hang up, but eventually she clicked the phone off. Now? Well, now came a short wait that would feel like a long one. Eyeing the partial pack of cigarettes on her dresser, Nic scowled at nothing before she dropped down onto the floor. Pushups would have to substitute for her nicotine craving.

He hung up as well, glad she'd done it because he wasn't sure how long he could flail over something as easy as 'goodbye' before it got stupid. Then he pocketed his phone and after grabbing his coat and shoving his feet into his shoes, he headed out, to go get the girl. He still definitely felt a little unsteady. A bit on the sick feeling in the gut side. Fuck it, he was nervous. He didn't usually do nervous, but he was definitely that now. He headed over, doing the speed limit, so he didn't seem like he was rushing her or anything, which was a stupid consideration. He hardly thought she had him timed, but still. He was apparently given to being irrational at the moment.

If she'd known, Nic would've wanted him to rush. She wanted to cut into the heart of all of this, for good or bad. She wanted to stop feeling this sick anxiety from so many sources, to believe that everything she couldn't control would be less daunting with someone she could rely on who wasn't her mom. But she had no control over this, so she waited, exerting herself to banish as much nervousness as possible. When she saw lights flipping onto the street and cutting away? Nic knew she was out of time. So she moved to the window, hopping out and sliding it down before moving towards the car. "Here's where I'd normally make either a hooker joke or a 'riding with strangers' joke," she greeted, smirking thinly as Nic tugged open Caleb's car door and hopped in.

And normally, he'd have some sort of comeback to what she said, either if she'd made the jokes in the first place, or to her saying she would, but he had nothing. Occasionally he was a bit too serious for his own good, now being one of those times. "I promise I won't try to pay you for any sexual favors, or offer you candy?" he suggested, after pulling off again, and heading back towards his house. The reply was late. Later than it should have been, which had him thinking he should have just skipped it.

"Same line the priest sold me," Nic cracked, settling back in the passenger's seat like she always did, slouching down and putting a foot on the dash. Caleb's pause wasn't missed, and it had her thinking he was either so uncomfortable that he couldn't think of one immediately? Or he wasn't sure he should even make one. Neither option was a good one, and both had Nic hoping she was wrong. Of course, she was editing herself in the moment, deciding that her 'sex for redemption' followup joke definitely wouldn't fly right now.

Considering the whole demon revelation and the reason for it coming about--that he couldn't remain on holy ground--the whole priest angle didn't sit well with Caleb, and had him wondering what she meant by it, instead of taking it at face value. So, he wound up not saying anything as he tried to figure it out, to find the meaning behind it. Which wasn't so easy when he couldn't really draw one. Thank christ his house wasn't that far from Nic's.

It wasn't far at all, but somehow, when he pulled into the driveway? Nic didn't want to get out. She remembered just how badly she'd fucked up trying to explain herself before, and the memory brought her back to a point of uncertainty. What to do? Go inside? She didn't want to: inside held far too much room for them both to distance themselves from each other. Unbuckling her seatbelt, Nic seemed on the verge of climbing out until she shifted in her seat, leaning across Caleb carefully and thumbing his door lock down. "This... this works," she murmured, sitting back and looking to him, "And I know it's the tip of the fucking mountain? But Caleb? This scares me. You don't."

He had a moment of really not knowing what the hell to do when she leaned across him. Then she locked his door and he was even more confused. Helpfully, she clarified after a moment, and he wasn't sure how to take that either. Maybe she just didn't want to go inside. That he could understand. One thing she said stood out though, which was that she didn't scare him. He looked over, having to sort of force himself to do it. "...are you sure about that?" he asked, voice quiet.

Her jaw set as Nic forced herself to not look away, refusing to be some silly, stupid girl who'd only look when he wasn't watching. "Kinda," she answered, stuffing her hands into her hoodie to let them fidget with rings out of sight, "I just... this isn't you, not all of you. But it's a part, I get that. It explains so fucking much? And it raises questions, too. And yeah, the questions, they're what scare me. That part of you does. But it's just a part, and... it's a part that would change everything else if it wasn't there." She took a deep breath, letting her head fall back on the headrest without looking away from him. "I'm sure. I don't know if I can explain why so it makes sense, but I trust you. I know I can."

He watched her as she spoke, but looked away again at the last bit, exhaling a little. "I don't trust me." he said. "I don't know why you should. Or why you do." Have you started considering what this all says about you yet? he wondered but wouldn't ask. Not in a million years. "You said you have questions." he said, addressing what he thought he could. Or would try to. "what are they?"

He might've been psychic, given that one of the first questions Nic had asked herself was what this said about her. She was smitten with a half-demon, after all, and just by terms it said that there was something broken in her head. But that was terms, and the idea that Caleb could really be summarized by his heritage alone. "Maybe I see something you don't," Nic tild him with just the faintest smirk, remembering the few times he'd told her that. "I just... I wonder, you know? About things we'd talked about before, how you said you felt like things were missing, how you break people, drive girls insane. And I wonder if it's because of this? Or if you think it is and it's not? The way you twitch when people call you a hero or anything? It's because of this, isn't it?"

She wished he hadn't looked away, because Nic knew in moments like this that Caleb's eyes really were a window of some nature. "You're not the hero, Caleb," Nic went on quietly, "But you're not the monster either. That's a question I don't have to ask, I know. You're not the bulldog that Leija said you were, doing what you do out of instinct. You're you, someone people like having in their lives. And yeah, you're missing things, I can't know how it feels to be you, but... aren't we all? How many guys would've just fucked me when they had the chance? Guys without this burden? People I see every day are missing shit, you just have the balls to admit it."

He was concentrating on her voice, as he was staring down at the keys in the ignition. Where he still had the little keychain Leija had given him...the scorpion one that she'd lifted off of a dead guy somewhere. He still wondered if anyone was missing it, if some family member was wondering where it was because they'd want it to remember him by. But he was listening to Nic, trying to guage things by how she sounded, since he wasn't looking at her. It was easier than it seemed.

The harder part was taking into account what she was saying. He did speak, and it was less a planned out statement as a knee-jerk reaction to one thing in there. "I know I'm not a monster. I've seen monsters. Math, he--" he started, then stopped again. "I'm not one of them." he said. "But I also don't really give a shit about that girl that was killed on the trip. I would have rather that she hadn't died? But I'm not overwhelmed by it. I never knew her, I barely know her name and it's only because everyone else was talking about her after she was gone. And I don't know. I don't know if other people are missing things. If everyone is. Maybe they are, and I just don't know about it, or don't see it. And yeah, okay, your example stands, but it's more than that, isn't it? And being able to keep it in my pants doesn't exactly make up for everything else. It's a single trait."

You didn't watch her die, Nic thought, but couldn't say. That? That was still haunting her, and she didn't expect it to change any time soon. Instead she breathed deep, reaching out tentatively to rest a hand on his sleeve. "Everyone's missing something," she reiterated more solidly, "I know. I've seen it, and it's ugly. They lie about it, to themselves, to each other. So... two traits. Self control and honesty about yourself. And even with the things that you know are different? You try. Shit, maybe because of the differences."

Her hand squeezed for just a moment, though Nic wondered if he was going to pull away. "You told me the truth when so many people around me, even so-called normal ones were lying. You waited, held your breath just holding on to see if I was going to freak out. Dean and Lullaby, sitting on a secret so big they must be choking on it? They know you're there for them. Maybe... do you ever wonder if you're so focused on what's different that you don't see what's the same?"

He didn't try to pull away from where she held onto his arm, and he glanced over, but it was more down at her hand than it was towards her face, and then his focus was back on the keychain. It was nice to hear that Dean and Lullaby had maybe said something to her, on his behalf, and he made a mental note to thank them for it. But still. He thought about what she said, and then went with the answer that was the most honest and unfiltered. "I don't feel the same." he said. "I used to...when I was in the psych ward, Leija would come see me. And she...wasn't exactly human either. And I was in there when...fuck I don't remember their names. But two classmates were murdered on the steps of the school. And she came to me, knowing I'd know what it was like not to feel it the same way everyone else did. Because it was true, I didn't. Like with Skye. And I had been friends with Peyton before? Isaac's woman. And I just...listening to her talk, it was such a huge, glaring fucking reminder that I wasn't like everyone else. She was normal. And the shit she'd go on about? The shit that she would say, and express, it was like another fucking world. Like all of that normal, every day shit, I couldn't even begin to care about. I can't even imagine doing it. But she's...just like most of them. Like most everyone else. People who care about football game scores, or grades on the last math test, or what to wear, or who's wearing what, or who's dating who and all of that fucking drivel, I just....there's this huge disconnect. I can't fathom it, and what's more, it's...I look down on it. That that's what's important to them. When there's so much else in the world that should be being worried about, that is where they lay their concern."

Even though Nic hadn't ever really cared about most of the things he'd listed off, she got the point. "Is that because they weren't raised knowing what was out there, though?" she asked carefully, "If... if your mother was a demon, and you told me you knew about things your whole life? Isn't it more that you grew up just knowing how petty all that shit was? Because it sounds that way over here, like you never had any reason to buy into the sugarcoating. Like you spent your whole life watching people who didn't know better, and after shit went bad and you knew what happened? You watched them deny it. I'd look down on them too if I was surrounded by people who lied to themselves every day."

Her hand curled, fingers extending to encircle his arm a bit as Nic squeezed gently. "It saved my ass, y'know. That upbringing, the years spent surrounded by mouthbreathers who you wouldn't miss no matter what happened to them. Maybe I didn't give a shit either and that's why you did it? Like, even if I didn't know any better, I at least knew how pointless all this shit is? Whatever the reason, you made that connection. I... I don't want someone who's like everyone else. Your friends are your friends because of that, too. There's no disconnect there, Caleb. Even if we can't know what it's like for you? We're here. And personally, I'm gonna keep trying to understand, even if it shakes me."

"I don't want you to understand, though. If you did, I don't know. You'd have a better look at inside my head, and it's not anyplace for anyone to be poking around. I don't want you to get my point of view, because I know it's fucked." he said, finally looking over again. "And I don't know about the upbringing thing. I think...more of it was I just never mattered." he said. "You say I grew up knowing things and I did, but really mostly just demons. The other shit I found out about on my own. My mother didn't tell me shit about the world, because honestly my parents could give a shit. When I was a kid, I remember looking outside, and watching my mother drag what I'm postive was a corpse through the back garden and off the property. I just...they didn't give a shit. And I didn't take any fucking interested in the world around me either. Maybe because I knew I wasn't a part of it, I don't really know. I--I'm just--" he stopped, not even sure where he was headed with that sentence, so he quit. He hadn't even meant to say half of what he did there, and instantly regretted it, looking away again. "I didn't...mean to make this about my issues, I'm sorry." he finished quietly.

"Don't," she murmured quickly when Caleb apologized, shaking her head at him. "Don't ever apologize for being honest with me, okay? Even if it's shit you don't think I'd like hearing." Nic was quiet for a long moment after that, studying his profile as Caleb refused to look her way. For all the composure he could muster, she knew how to pick up on little things. And it didn't hurt that right now he really wasn't as poker-faced as she knew he could be at times. But it was clear; this was twisting him up in knots inside, and that made her ache with an urge to help, if only she knew how. She leaned in a bit, not so close that he might think she was snuggling up, and spoke quietly. "I'm never going to stop trying to understand, you know. Just... treat it like before. Tell me no, but let me ask. I believe you, that you've seen things I couldn't take, but goddamn if I'm not willing to try."

"I don't ever want you to see the things I've seen." he said quietly. Very quietly. He really didn't. The worst thing ever being that bar he'd been brought to. Where he'd dealt with the kind of demon that they'd been dealing with at the asylum. He looked back at her. "Ever." he said honestly, finally actually meeting her eyes. He knew it wasn't even the main point. He understood that, but what he got stuck on was that. it was important to him.

Nic swallowed hard, caught by the burn in his eyes for the first moment Caleb looked at her. "I don't want to see them," she agreed in a soft, shakey voice, "But I would before I let you get dragged down. And... I hope we never hit that point? But if I had to choose between this being the last one, or that? I'd take that." It was her turn to look away, eyes aiming down as Nic began to fidget with Caleb's sleeve anxiously. "Do... do you ever wonder if I fucked all of this up?" she murmured, "Like, before everything, when we could just talk? And you could tell me what was bugging? Now I just... feel like I complicated everything for you." Which seemed hellishly selfish of her to even say, but it had been an undercurrent in Nic's thoughts for some time, even before Caleb had told her about his heritage.

He frowned a little at that, really the thought not really having occurred to him. At least, not in a long time. Maybe there were hints back right after she'd shifted gears on him but in the end, that had been mutual. It wasn't like it had been all her. Just her deciding things were going to be different and forcing it. "No." he answered, not really having to think about it. "No, I don't wonder that. ...if you hadn't decided to kiss me when you had...it wouldn't have been that much longer before I did the same thing." he told her. "...and you do complicate things. But my life's never been uncomplicated, at least you're a positive complication."

He got a small smile for that as she worked her nails at his sleeve, picturing the scars below the fabric. That was Caleb, really; a constant discovery of new scars, except that he'd been living with them his entire life. "You are too," she murmured, looking back up at him, "So... can we complicate things? Knowing what I know, even if it's still not everything, if I said I wanted to be right here? Even with the missing pieces, and the things you'd keep from me, there's a list as long as my arm of reasons for me to stay. And for once I want to see you not denying yourself, if it's what you want." That had been the heart of her thoughts, the conclusion Nic had reached early but knew she'd need to explain so she wasn't some stupid, desperate girl who was infatuated with an idea of him that wasn't really him. She saw the truth, and she wasn't going to run from it.

He gave her the ghost of a smirk, something that was there and gone in short order. But it made a brief appearance, anyhow. "You don't really want me to start going with impulses." he told her. "...you sure about all of this? You've really thought it over and you want...?" he left it off, so she could fill in the blank. He was slightly confused if she was just talking continuing on as they had been, or if she meant something else. Something like them taking that last step and actually deciding they were an actual couple. He just didn't want to put that out there.

Now was when she moved in, leaning across the divide in the seats to kiss Caleb with an aching slowness, far softer than she usually did. She didn't linger nearly as long as she'd wanted, moving back with a soft inhale of breath she stole from him and chewing her lip in his absence. "I'm sure," Nic told him, her voice steady for this much, "Whatever it says about me? I want this. You. I... I want you to count on me, trust me, not doubt that I'm fucking stupid for you. I don't want to keep pretending that we're just friends who strip each other down now and then." She smiled more confidently around her held lip, shaking her head at herself. "I want to be completely legit if I punch that blonde cheerleader bitch in the mouth for looking at you wrong. Just... be with me," she whispered hopefully, "And we'll deal with whatever shit rains down. We'll deal together."

He could accept what she was saying better because there'd been some time. And she was well aware that there were things she still didn't know and she knew where the shadows were, or at least had a good idea. And that there was possibly more hell to be caught at some point. It was the fact that she seemed to understand it that made him feel less wary about it all. He was having trouble letting himself feel good about it, but he could accept it. At least on some levels. Enough to try it. She was asking him to trust her, and he thought he could. He wanted to. "Alright." he said, after a long pause. Then he leaned back over to kiss her, because he hadn't quite been prepared for her to pull back from the one she'd given him. Not when he'd wondered if he was ever going to get to do that again.

Even if Nic had hoped for a more impassioned response, this was the one she believed in. Both of them were still raw on some mental level; reeling from what had happened, strained over what might come next, and in her mind? They could handle it if they could lean on each other. Even if Caleb had never directly seemed to say so, Nic liked to think that sometimes she could strengthen him, give him support, maybe even defend him in indirect ways. Maybe just from himself. So that solitary word was, in fact, one that thrilled her to hear. They'd have their chance, and that was all she could ask for.

She moved to meet him as Caleb leaned in, this time more fervent as Nic kissed him back and pressed him back into his own seat, one hand smoothing up the outside of his cheek to start slipping into his hair. There were definitely still nerves fluttering in her chest; immediate doubts of herself, of how she'd ruin this, of what it meant that she was so drawn to a half-demon. She crushed them silently, focusing on the simple joy of the moment. She wasn't drawn to a half-demon, she was drawn to him. Even if they're the same, they're different.

Caleb had his own anxieties to deal with, but he blocked them out for now. He was kissing her, and after a few moments, he dropped any pretense of taking his time with it and he deepened it, putting a little of the mixture of emotions he'd been dealing with since he'd told her about it all into it. There was a lot there, and he knew he wasn't always the best with words. There were times when he thought giving up speaking would be the best way to go, really, so yeah. But this he could do. This felt better.

He could definitely do this; Nic swore she could read his mood with how the moment seemed to change, edging the kiss with a desperation that she was happy to return. It almost felt, to her, like he'd been surprised to find himself here again, and she remembered what he'd said the month before, when everything had started. 'When I tell you, I'll never see you again.' Caleb had believed that, and she finally understood why. As eager as she was to let him bleed away that mood, she also wanted to fight it on her own terms. Leaning halfway into his seat, Nic smiled hungrily against his lips, pressing more enthusiastically as if to say that she'd just proven him wrong, and weren't they both lucky for it.

He could be happy with her doing that. It made him want to drag her over the rest of the way, even if they'd got into trouble before with her doing that. Still, he did it anyways, reaching out for her, pulling her closer. He wanted to fall into it. Wanted to let his anxieties shut the fuck up for a while, take what he could get considering he'd figured it was all over with.

Nic moved obligingly, laughing into Caleb's mouth as she smacked her ass on his steering wheel and made the horn blare for a heartbeat of time. She couldn't quite keep herself from guiding her nails back over his scalp and around to the back of his neck as she settled into his lap, dully wondering how just a couple of days had seemed so long, and how now they seemed like a bad dream. They weren't, of course, and dealing with everything was going to be the real test, but for now? Nic was in silent agreement with Caleb; anxiety could fuck off for a while.

He smiled a bit when she hit the horn too, and pulled her in closer just so she didn't do it again. Or, that was his internal justification, anyhow. He kissed her and tried to forget about everything else, which was an easier feat than he would have anticipated. Sure, he'd probably have a hell of a time going through it all in his head endlessly later, but whatever. For the time being? He was good with this. He wanted this. Her.

When she'd first been deciding to call him tonight, Nic had some kind of plan in mind. And sure, she'd covered part of it, but she honestly hadn't expected it to go this well. Which was why the second part of it had originally been to ask him for a favor. Of course, seeing how things had gone now? And how hazy her thoughts had become? Well... plans changed. She didn't want to stop kissing him; she wanted to drag him inside, or into the back seat, whichever happened first. Sadly, Nic's body still liked air now and then. She pulled away from Caleb's lips, settling her forehead against his and grinning widely. "I need to ask you something," she purred down at Caleb, enthused in the moment as she pressed into him.

Now she needed to ask him something? Seriously? He bit back the little almost-growl that her stopping things wanted to draw from him. He wasn't generally that thrown with toning things down or questions or anything, mostly he was just maybe a tiny little bit frustrated over having not been built for the 'friends with benefits' of it all in the first place, and now that things were better suited to his mentality, he was happy to go with it. Buuuut she needed to ask him something. Right now. In the middle of things. So, sure. He cleared his throat a little, and settled his hands on her hips, drawing in a breath and letting it out. "What's that?" he asked.

She wasn't planning on stopping, Nic was just inspired in the moment, motivated by everything they'd talked about. "Road trip," she murmured, leaning in to kiss him fleetingly before canting her head to kiss at his jaw, "Remember?" She was murmuring in his ear with this bit, one hand roaming along his side as the other curled his hair at the back of his head around her fingers. "I'm supposed to go down to Green Bay soon, just for a day or two? I do it every year," she explained, moving back to kiss him again, "But this year? I'm going alone, so... don't let me go alone. Come with me."

That surprised the hell out of him. And he did remember her saying, and he'd known it was coming up, though truthfully, he knew it had been coming 'After'. And 'After' was a place where he hadn't figured he was still going to be a part of her life. So, he'd not thought about it. "You want me to?" he asked. He could do that. Or, he'd do it, regardless of being 'allowed'. Even if he really really couldn't see Math telling him no. They'd dropped everything to go to Mexico and fight off demons to save their brother. Heading to Wisconsin to help Nic look around for...whatever she was searching for for two days wouldn't be a huge stretch.

She laughed softly, pressing in and pinning Caleb down for a drawn out moment before sitting back, tucking one of her usual braids behind her ear. "Well, not really," she teased, "But I need someone to keep me from driving straight into the youth home I stayed at. Could be fun." Of course, she wouldn't be telling her mom about this plan, but that wouldn't be too hard to do. The visit had Nic a little nervous, in truth; she'd always had her mom on hand when returning to the place she'd been found. Going alone? Yeah, it would be weird. "Hell yes I want you to," she eventually said, "Which, as it happens, is a phrase that applies to several things right now."

That got a grin out of him. "Shouldn't tell me things like that." he told her, kissing her again. Though he cut it shorter than he would have liked, so he could answer her. "Yeah, I'll go with. If you clear the car, I can even drive." Not that he knew the way, but that was what the internet was for. Or her, if she knew it well enough. And now he was thinking about spending time with the girl someplace far away from everyone else, all by themselves. ...he could definitely be on board with that.

"Why shouldn't I?" Nic asked once he broke away, smiling easier than she had in a solid week, at least. "Like I said, could be fun," she teased, winking at him and wondering if it was too soon to suggest going inside, "But hell yes, Lockwood, this'll rock. I'll probably need one more good day in the shop, and we'll be good to go." Though now that he'd said yes? Her plan really needed to change. She normally stayed with her aunt Karen, but bringing her boyfriend (was that weird?) definitely wouldn't fly. Still, it was theoretically already the best 'birthday' Nic had ever had, and it was still three days away.

He couldn't give her any good reasons not to tell him things like that, but he was still thinking she shouldn't. Not if she didn't actually want him to go through with things, anyways. But she didn't seem like that was the case...back on track. "Well, take it when you leave, and you can do whatever you want to it, and we can leave whenever you say." he said.

Nic reached over to pop the lock free on Caleb's door, leaning into it lazily and chuckling at him. "Doing that whole submissive thing again?" Nic asked, smirking his way, "You're a lucky one, Caleb. Not only are we ditching class for two days, we're ditching the state. Nab some grimy hotel room with free HBO, eat the finest in burgers, we'll live like royalty." She thought he might even have fun if she could get him to a show, though Nic doubted she'd go for it. A crowded environment like that just had too many dangerous possibilities. But she wasn't dwelling, not tonight. "And yeah, I'll steal your keys at some point here. No rush to get rid of me, I hope?" she asked, reaching down to settle her hands over his.

He smirked again, looking at her and he shook his head. "No rush." he told her. "We going inside?" he asked. "You did say you wanted to see that drawing." Which just happened to be in his room. "And I'm not being submissive, I'm being accomodating." he added. "There's a difference."

"Let's," she agreed, leaning in for one more kiss as she popped open Caleb's door, lingering for a long moment before she swung off of him and stepped clear of the car. She looked over at his house, feeling the weirdness of her last visit dispel itself all on it's own. This wasn't anything like before, it wasn't going to get to that point either. "And point taken, but if I hear one 'mistress'?" Nic said, raising what was supposed to be a menacing fist, but without any real ire behind it.

Caleb got out of the car, and shut the door, looking at her for a moment. Then, without any warning, he reached up, grabbed her wrist, pulled her in off balance and then pushed her back against the car, pinning her held wrist down against the vehicle by her hip where it wasn't going to be much use. He also pressed against her to keep her pinned there to the car. "What was that?" he asked. "You said something about 'mistress', I'm not sure I heard right." he continued. "i think there was a vague threat in there...but I have to be mistaken..."

Something about the back-and-forth for control that they played at was so compelling that Nic really didn't feel bad for being so hooked on it. She just wished she could figure out what it was, why fighting for dominance would apparently get them both in the same way. She strained against Caleb's grip on her arm for a moment, but no matter how strong Nic was? The angle was wrong, she'd wrench her own wrist apart. "It was pretty vague," she agreed, reaching her free hand to the waist of his jeans just to hold Caleb snugly, sandwiching her between him and the car. "Could've been a good thing, though, who said it was a threat?" Nic went on, her voice definitely softer with him in close. She shivered in the moment, unsure if it was from the cold of the car against her back or the moment itself.

He smiled, looking down at her a little and he didn't loosen his grip on her other hand. Not that she was really fighting him. "So it wasn't?" he asked. "Why don't you clarify for me then?" he asked, tone light. A little too light, really, but he was there with her in the moment. He enjoyed this. Probably too much.

"Okay, maybe it was a threat," she conceded after a moment, "But when have I ever had a bad threat for you? Hm?" Her tone had gone soft, docile even, but in that moment Nic tried to wrestle free again, twisting up against Caleb futilely and wishing she'd actually bothered to learn some of the MMA they taught down in the kickboxing studio.

Caleb gabbed Nic's other wrist, and pinned that one too, leaning more heavily against her. "Hey. Be good." he told her. "Now if you ask really nicely, I'll let you go, and we can go inside." he told her, ever so reasonably. He could have pointed out that it was winter, but it was actually alright outside at the moment. Not alright enough to do to her what he wanted to but that was hardly the point. Either way, he left it at that, just to see what she'd do.

The problem, of course, was that she didn't necessarily want to be let go. Sure, inside could be fun too, but this was fun now. "Like that's gonna happen," she warned with a wicked smile, trusting Caleb to keep her steady with his grip on her wrists as Nic snaked a leg up and around Caleb's legs. "You can still call this a draw, Mr I Know Submission Holds," Nic told him pressing up against Caleb pointedly. If he didn't? Well, she wasn't going to keep resisting forever. But Caleb didn't need to know that.

"I don't know about that. I still think I've got the upper hand." he said, not minding her leg right where it was. Still, he wasn't prepared to let her win either. Not at the moment. other times? Sure. He was more than happy to let her win because he was curious what she'd do if she did. But in this instance, he liked exherting the dominance he naturally had going as a person. "You going to be good? Or do I have to take more action?" he asked.

You could slide me onto the hood, she thought, but Nic wasn't feeling that brave. She wasn't an exhibitionist or anything, he just... motivated her. "I don't think I've ever been good," she answered, trying to lean in for Caleb's lips and falling short with how he'd trapped her, "So... action?" He wasn't a guy who bluffed, not ever, but there she was calling it anyway. "Or do you just want me to call you... mistress?" Nic suggested, biting her lip wryly.

Caleb didn't answer so much as he moved her. He yanked up the back of her coat and shirt, and did lay her back on the snow of the hood, grabbing some and rubbing it across her stomach, too, just because he could, and he couldn't not answer the challenge there. He just happened to do it in a kinda fun way. Or, so he thought it was anyways. It was possible it was less fun for her, suddenly being assaulted with snow.

Late or not, that was the sort of thing that got a loud reaction from Nic. She didn't give a damn about Caleb's neighbors, shrieking in surprise as she kicked at him and scrambled to push her shirt back down, wiping the snow away as fast as possible. "Oh you bastard!" Nic laughed, heart pounding in her chest, "You're going down! I'm gonna destroy you!" Truth be told, it was fun just because it was so unexpected. Still, she was fighting him, striving to break free now that he'd had to shift his hold on her.

He laughed, trying to snag her wrist again. "Hey it's your own fault!" he said, pushing some snow towards her neck. "You could have opted to be good but no! You wanted to fight me on it, and then call names, so you'll get no apologies from me." he told her, still trying to hold her down. He was still laughing though, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered when the last time was that he had laughed like he was now.

There wasn't time to pause and reflect on it, but hearing Caleb laughing like that felt good. Nic thought that in that moment he looked more unburdened than she'd ever seen him, outside of their 'close' moments together, and it was something special. So... she kept it up. She was still fighting his restraint, but not necessarily trying to get off of the car's hood. Instead she slapped her free hand blindly back, grabbing a wet handful of snow and slinging it up into his hair. "Oh god that's cold!" she blurted as the snow rolled down her own neck and past her collar, grinning hugely and working her handful into his hair, "Truce! I'm sorry!"

He was still laughing, and he shook his head like a dog, trying to get the snow out of it, even if he didn't let her up quite yet. Then he was grinning down at her. "You're sorry? You're going to be good now?" he asked, looking very much like she assessed. A bit more unburdened than he usually was. He was kind of giving himself a few moments here, without having to force it or think about it. It was a good feeling.

There was still a bit of fight left in Nic as her feet kicked, mindful not to catch Caleb anywhere painful. She was cold, wet, and happy; it felt good even if goosebumps were making up about eighty percent of her body right now. "Maybe?" she answered, smiling up at Caleb as she reached around to muss his damp hair. "Not too good, I don't want you getting bored... sound fair?" Nic asked as she shivered, hooking a leg around the back of his.

He leaned over her, setting his hand down on the hood in the snow, just above her shoulder and by her neck. He just gazed down at her for a good few moments, then leaned down to kiss her. It was light, soft. And then he stood up, snagging her hands to pull her up. "Then you're forgiven. It's a deal." he told her. He was probably being just a tiny bit erratic, but he didn't really care, so much. He didn't really think she'd mind, anyways.

Still shivering as she was pulled upright, Nic was grinning nonetheless. Her back was pretty damp, the same with her hair, and she reached up to squeeze at the bun of hair, working a bit of water loose before she stepped in close to Caleb. "So, inside? Or are we slated for a pillowfight next?" she teased, raising her hands warily, "Not me asking for trouble! You're the one who grabbed me before we got a foot away from the car." Both hands wound tight in the fabric over Caleb's chest as Nic stepped and tried to pull him towards his house. "C'mon."

He smirked, and resisted for a minute, just to do it, and then he let her pull him towards the house. "I wasn't really thinking along the lines of a pillow fight, no." he said. "This isn't a sorority house in a bad horror flick. Or...certain other kinds of flicks, so nope. Hadn't really been on my agenda." he said. "So if you need to get that out of your system, go find some girl to do it with. Invite me though, I wouldn't mind watching something like that..." he teased.

"Boy, please," Nic told him, giving an exaggerated groan as she backwards-stepped up the front walk, "I didn't even think there were guys I'd want to get that out of my system with, so girls? Yeah, I think I know like... three I wouldn't put bricks in the pillowcase for." It was almost like their little trust game out at the island, except that this time Nic was pulling him along, and none of it had that tense undercurrent. She stepped lightly onto the front porch, backing up until she hit the door. "Looks like you've got no shows to watch," she murmured, "Poor Caleb..."

"Hey, I didn't request it. Just that if it was going to happen, should you need it out of your system, I'd be happy to accommodate. And bear witness, just so that nothing gets out of hand." he told her, moving to loom a little since she had her back up against the door. He reached down to put his hand on the doorknob, but didn't actually open it yet. "I was being nice, of course."

She chuckled low in her throat, releasing the clenched fistfuls of Caleb's shirt and smoothing her hands down. "Sure, nice. Accommodating, even. You? Are just Martha Stewart, with slightly less impressive knife-fighting skills," Nic went on in a low voice, stepping up on her toes to lean into Caleb's neck. She bit lightly for a fleeting moment, staying in close even if she released and smiling against his skin. "So... a sketch, you said? Maybe a towel too?"

He made a little sound, an appreciative one, and nodded. "A sketch, and I guess I could get you a towel. You said you'd be good and everything." he said, and finally he twisted the doorknob to open the door, pushing her gently inside the warm house. Then he shut it behind them, and kicked off his shoes, ditching his coat as well in the entry way. "Anything else while you're wracking up demands?"

"Maybe a beer?" Nic joked, kicking off her shoes and peeling her hoodie up over her head, "A pizza, foot massage... and a pony. Because I'm a girl and supposedly every girl wants one." She smirked after him, working her toes into the carpet as Nic padded into the still-strange living room of the house. "Other than that, I think I'm good. Not too much to ask, is it?" she asked, glancing back at Caleb over her shoulder expectantly as she moved in the direction of the door down to his room.

"There's beer in the fridge if you really want to have one, there's probably left over pizza in there too. A foot massage? That's pushing it...and a pony is right the fuck out of the question." he told her, following her towards the basement door. The lamp he'd had on was still on down there. "You've got nowhere to keep one and you'd probably be bored of it in about five minutes flat anyways." he continued. "So sorry, I'm just a dream crusher like that."

She sighed heavily, tugging her hair free of its' bun as she walked and shaking it loose. "Well, let's keep it simple then," Nic told him as she finger-combed her hair and twisted it back up messily, "Towel and the art." A dry shirt would've been nice, but the dampness was minor and Nic didn't want to push things too fast. "But if you're not quick? I'm gonna use your sheets instead of the towel. in a nice way, of course," she warned him, tugging open the door downstairs, winking at Caleb, and bolting in.

He shook his head, smirking again as he followed her. There were some clean towels down there in one of the baskets, so he'd grab her one of those. Which he went to do when he got there, and it was just then that he was starting to feel a little nervous about what she might think about the drawing he'd done. He disappeared into the blacker part of the basement where his lamp didn't reach, and grabbed a towel, hesitating there for a few long moments before he forced himself to walk back over, holding it out to her.

She was already down there and waiting as Caleb lingered in the dark, curled on one side on his bed. Nic had flopped right down like it was her room, kicking aside the rumpled and unmade sheets and only settling in when she'd spotted his sketchpad. It took her a moment to even process that Caleb was there with the towel, she was too intent on the stark contrast of the black and white drawing, the raised hand and shattered window. She knew the setting, of course. "I... uh, I thought you said it was a self-portrait," she murmured when it finally dawned on Nic that Caleb was there, reaching up to take the towel.

"It is." he said. He didn't quite know how to explain it, though, or even if he should. He felt self conscious, and he sat down, though it was on the other side of the bed, and he looked at the sketch pad. He knew what the drawing showed, it wasn't like he had to look at it. He'd been working on it most of the night, after all. Still, though, He looked anyways, like he needed it for reference.

Nic's lips pursed in consideration, her mind playing back the night so far. He'd been working on it when she called, and Nic didn't have to guess at how his frame of mind had been at that point. Even if it hadn't been as exposed as during their talk, she couldn't help believing he'd been in a rough spot. They both had. "That's what you see?" she asked quietly, looking away from the page, "Destruction?"

"Don't you?" he asked, an automatic response, not one he thought about. Then he ehxaled sharply and looked away, before he returned his gaze back to her. "I don't do much but destroy shit." he said. "And even what I can do, even if it helps? It rips me up." Which he was still walking around with evidence of on his frame. "Honestly, I could have done more damage to everyone with what I did than the demons, if it had hit wrong. Could've killed someone. Could've dropped the building in in places. But I don't know. It's what I see. It's my point of view." Or more, the view just behind himself. After all, he was kinda in the drawing. Sorta.

She listened, and even if she didn't like what he said, Nic knew it was partially right. Caleb did have a high propensity for destruction, she just didn't think it was all of him. "I do and I don't," she answered finally, "I guess... you're looking at it too narrow? Yes, what you do wrecks shit, it's blood magic. But any fighting back against the shit out there is gonna wreak some havoc. And..." Nic sighed, propping herself up on an elbow and watching Caleb carefully. "You're not your power, Caleb. You do more than destroy. I know that."

"It's not my power." Caleb corrected. "It's just something I can do." He hadn't been born with it or anything. He'd sought it out. it just happened to be the only thing he was any goddamn good at. "And not everything does. Dean's pretty fucking good with the gun he's got. That doesn't do damage like I do. It's a lot more controlled." And occasionally if he stopped to think about it too long, it scared the shit out of him, but who was counting? "what do I do that's more than destruction?" he asked.

"A gun's not designed to fight the things out there," Nic argued calmly, "Even if it can be used for it? It's meant for... mundane threats, I guess. That magic seems like it's meant to put something the fuck down." As for the rest of it, like his question? Nic sighed quietly, stretching her other arm out and pushing the sketchpad towards Caleb, then turning her hand up to offer it to Caleb, open-palmed. "You create, for one. That's about as opposite of destroying as you get. You... you help. Maybe not with all the mouth-breathers out there? But, like, with me? You took the time to talk me through shit, to make sure I was okay. And I don't know specifics, but I know you helped Dean and Lullaby. You tried to help Leija. And I... I know it sucks when you don't make it, but you try. That's more than half the shits out there can say."

You didn't see the major fucking blood witch Dean dropped in a single shot. One. "Don't tell me that thing isn't useful for what's out there. Most things'll die if you shoot them in the head." he said, which was true, really. Most living creatures didn't fare well with their grey matter splattering the walls. "And yes, that's exactly what mine's geared towards. I needed a way to defend myself." he said. That had been how it started, anyhow. Where he'd got the idea to get into it in the first place. He'd known he had a penchant to seek out trouble, and a lot of the trouble out there that he found could squish him with little to no issue if he didn't have something to drop them before they could drop him. Which actually, he thought maybe he should share. That just didn't mean it would be easy for him.

He listened to her, then took her hand, and moved closer to her, laying out next to her. "I didn't do much to help Dean and Lullaby. they just...needed some things done and I did it." he said, really downplaying his own role in things. As far as he was concerned, he hadn't done much. He'd shown up, fed a body to a mermaid, then stitched his friends back together so they didn't bleed the fuck out. Not a good memory, really. Not one he wanted to share, either. "I started out with the blood magic because I tended to...find trouble. I was maybe thirteen when I started seriously just...not going home some nights. Wandering around the city, looking around, learning things. I saw a street fight between these two packs of lycanthropes ones. It was...fucking brutal." he said, shaking his head. "I figured out pretty fast that I was going to need something that could drop something before it could get to me, especially with shit like that out there. I just didn't find any talent for anything but the blood magic. That worked and it worked well." he said, absently kind of tracing his fingers back and forth on the inside of her wrist. "Now, it's kind of less that. When the vampires were in town, I went out hunting with my brother." he said. "...I always hated the idea of hunters. they kill people like me without thinking twice, most of the time. But I guess there are other kinds out there. Sort of like what I was doing." he said, not even sure where the hell he was going with this conversation, but he wasn't stopping himself either.

She tried to imagine it, the life he was describing and the things he was leaving out. Like not going home because his mother was a demon, because his parents didn't care. He'd told her about watching werewolves fight, about how vicious it was, but now she knew how much more formative it had been for him. "So... it's not you that's destructive, it's what you had to learn to survive. To keep people safe. Caleb? That's not something to twist yourself for. Those vampires, they... they were going to kill us all. The hunters? I know there was crossfire in the hospital when the werewolves hit." She looked down to his hand on top of hers, watching his fingers at work, thinking of how they twisted when he cast a spell and how they were always red. "You're... okay. A doctor can give you medicine, right? They can shoot you up, prescribe shit, all that. But sometimes you're hit with something like cancer, something invasive, aggressive, hostile. Something that will ravage you. And when that happens?" Nic paused to curl her hand inward, holding his loosely around the wrist. "That's when the scalpel comes out. That's when you need strength, because being willing and able to fight is the only way to survive."

He watched her change her grip on his hand, and didn't stop her at all, listening to what she had to say, even if he wasn't sure he necessarily understood. Or that he could accept the logic, if he did manage to. "It's less what I do, and more that I just...don't do much else. And what I can do is so over the top destructive." he said. "You get hit with one of my spells you're losing limbs. I cut one of those things in half." he said. "And I like the fight. That's just something that's in me, somewhere. I blame the demon half but who knows, really. Humanity's pretty sick itself a lot of the time." Which didn't make him feel like being half human was such a great boon in life. "I'm not going to change anything, and I don't necessarily...I don't know. It's just how I see it. I couldn't even really tell you if it's upsetting to me."

"So you're more like chemotherapy," Nic joked quietly, not adding her thought of 'or a bonesaw' even if Caleb might appreciate it. "But okay, so you like the fight, and you're good at it. Which I'm glad for, or we wouldn't be talking right now I think. But it doesn't mean you're limited to destroying," she insisted, "Even if it's minor stuff? Even if it was something as small as, like, you come home and play with legos? There's more than that for you. And I don't expect you to just believe me right out of the gate, because you're an uphill fucking battle, Lockwood. But you said it best. 'Maybe I see a you that you don't see'." And she knew it didn't answer everything. Hell, it didn't refute anything. He had some of it right, but Nic refused to just accept that Caleb couldn't see anything else. Call it a long-term goal.

Caleb arched a brow. "...play with legos?" he asked doubtfully. "Sweetheart, I haven't had toys since...fuck I don't remember having toys." he said. "I draw. That's about it, and I don't really count that as a huge counterbalance point. You say it's creation, and it is, I guess, but its about the only outlet I have that doesn't lead back to that whole destruction thing." he said. "Guess I'll just have to agree that you see things I don't."

Sweetheart? Maybe he didn't mean it as anything more than casual, but it made Nic smile for a moment as she squeezed Caleb's hand. "Trust me, from over here it's something special," she murmured, nodding for emphasis, "And if you don't see it? Well, that's why I'm here I guess. To keep pointing it out until you get sick of it or break down and admit that I've been right all along. Dunno if you noticed, but I'm stubborn."

"I did notice." he said, leaning closer to her, the words more murmured than anything, and he kissed her. Not really to cut off the conversation, though it did seem to be coming to an impasse. He wasn't going to give in to her point of view, and she wasn't going to give in to his, and he was okay with that. So, he was pushing them back towards where they'd been when they were first headed into the house.

Really, Nic was okay with that. She knew that the issues Caleb had with how he saw himself ran deep, that they wouldn't be dispelled easily, if they ever were. But that drawing? She felt like maybe it had germinated in the time where they'd both been bracing for the worst, when he'd been sitting in solitude and thinking that the truth he'd told her had driven her off. And that wasn't the case. If anything, it had given her resolve to see this through. She leaned into him gladly, giving a low sound somewhere in her throat that was nearly a purr as Nic pushed off the elbow she'd been leaning on, leveraging herself on top of Caleb.

Caleb let her, going where she pushed, pretty fine with her going for being on top. Really, of all things, that was a workable thing for him. He helped pull her in while she was at it, liking the sound she'd made, and he was starting to tell himself that this was the part where he made himself relax again. Where he forgot everything esle and went with things. It was a little easier than he'd thought.

And even if she hadn't instigated, that ease was welcome to Nic as she leaned in, settling and meshing with Caleb. Things weren't fixed, but there was a foundation to try for it now. Whatever happened? She'd try to face the uncertainty or fear head-on, to just ask when she had a question. Somehow, she didn't think she'd be waffling on what she wanted so much from here on out. After all, being direct had actually worked. And as she pressed him down into the mattress, tangling a hand in Caleb's hair tightly, almost possessively, Nic smiled into his lips. Shit, maybe quitting smoking won't be so bad after all...