A Visit and a Favor

Who: Caleb and Dorian
Where: Marquette general hospital
When: Evening

Caleb was awake, sitting in mostly silence, only the sounds from the rooms around him filtering through. Someone had their television on loud. He however, didn't have his on at all. He was busy hunched over his newly aquired sketchbook. He'd already killed a lot of the pages in it, and knew that at the rate he was going, he'd be done with it within a day or so. It was the only thing he could concentrate on, and if he didn't have that, his mind started grinding over too much bullshit. He didn't want to be thinking about any of it, so--drawing. He'd done several of Leija, Peyton, a few distant sketches of Ten and Jamie. Currently he was working on one of a girl he didn't know. It was a shot from behind her, so she was mostly in shadow, detail getting washed out and drawn in blacks. She was standing in a cemetery, the tombstones stuck up at odd angles. Old, crumbling, a wrought iron fence gating her in. Where she'd come from, he didn't know. But he figured it was healthier than drawing people he knew. He was feeling creepy and stalkery already, so he needed to curb that shit.

Dorian was thankful that he and Mathias had gotten back early enough from their wandering to allow him to go see Caleb. Being quite aware that they would move Caleb as soon as he seemed well enough, he wanted the time they could still have together unsupervised, seeing as how he wasn't sure what would change when they moved Caleb to the psyche ward. He'd not wanted to think too much on that point, yet there it was, not changing. Hopefully it would help Caleb more than he'd been able to. The door was open when Dorian walked in, quiet for a moment as he observed his brother, then eventually speaking up. "I didn't know you drew," he said, the thought passing through that there was a lot he didn't know about Caleb. Somehow he needed to learn it though. Wanted to, in fact, if his little brother would open up a bit. Dorian realized they were all bad at that.

Looking up, Caleb blinked a moment, then pondered for a good few moments on what to say. "Yeah...sometimes." he said, eventually. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted Dorian to see or not, which was stupid, considering, but still. He just never was a big show off his art type of person, which was why Dorian hadn't known. "Leija brought me the pad and pastels...I'm not allowed to have anything sharp though."

Dorian snorted softly in amusement. If Caleb wanted to hurt himself, he'd do it, and he wouldn't need a pencil. "Mind if I see?" Dorian asked, setting his bag down and coming over towards the bed. He'd brought an assortment of books with him, not sure what Caleb might want to read, but wanting to offer. "I'm glad she came by to visit. Was she here today?"

"Yeah, she was." Caleb said, then reluctantly held out the notebook to Dorian so he could look things over. He hoped he didn't pick out which ones were Leija, but he might. There was already a lot in there though, he'd been pouring his concentration into it for a while now, and when he really got rolling on things, he usually zoned out for however long he was allowed to, filling in details to images in his head. "She brought me a couple things." Including the hello kitty guitar pick necklace he had on. Which he so wasn't explaining.

Walking over to the side of the bed, Dorian took the sketchpad from his brother and began to slowly flip through it. Immediately he recognized Tensiel, along with the fact that Caleb was good. It felt like something he really should know, especially as he continued to flip through. Jamie was in there, as was Leija. He'd only met the both of them once, but the likeness was enough that he could identify them easily. "These are good, Cay," Dorian said, part amazed. He couldn't draw worth shit. "These are really good."

He never knew quite what to say when he was told that. Not that it happened a whole lot or anything, because most people didn't know he drew in the first place, but still. "Thanks...I just kinda...they're alright, i guess." he added. Somewhere in him though, he felt a lot better. Why Dorian's opinion on it would weigh heavily he didn't know, and he hadn't even realized that it would but there it was. He felt...validated? Something. Clearly, he was stupid.

"Have you thought about taking some art classes?" Dorian asked, taking a seat on the side of Caleb's hospital bed. He was always one to encourage learning in a desired direction, but Caleb hadn't mentioned anything that he wanted to do regarding school. Not that Caleb would be there come Monday, but he'd get there eventually. "They're better than 'alright'. If I was drawing, you wouldn't even have a shot at picking anybody out."

"I dunno. I've taken art, I just never really liked the classes." Caleb admitted. "They all want you to sort of do shit their way, and I've got mine." He shrugged, then his mind went back over a problem he was still sitting on. "Dor, you got any time in the next few days?" he asked, voice hesitant, and he wasn't quite looking at his brother when he said it.

Dorian smiled gently, easily seeing why his brother wouldn't like conventional classes. "That's true," he said, "I was mostly thinking that classes on something you enjoy, and are clearly good at, are always more fun than things you don't." Flipping the notebook back to the page Caleb had been working on, of a girl he didn't know, Dorian looked up at his brother. "Yeah, sure," he said, "What do you need?"

See, now this was the part where Caleb wasn't sure what to say. 'Hey, I've been creepy lately, can you go erase some of it' didn't quite play. "I um...before I was out..." he started, hoping he didn't have to clarify 'out'. "I was out walking around, thinking about everything, and I kind of maybe sort of left something I shouldn't have. I was wondering if you could maybe...er...go get rid of it?" he suggested, wincing the whole time.

Dorian knew what Caleb meant when he referred to 'before he was out', but what his little brother had left places was a complete unknown. "Sure," Dorian said, trying his best not to look concerned. "What kind of things are we talking here?" he asked. "And... like... where did you leave them?" Caleb was obviously being vague for a reason, but Dorian would need answers before he could accomplish such a task.

He realized he had to actually tell Dorian what he'd done, but it was still hard for him. "I drew a charcoal drawing on the wall of the orphanage." He answered, and wow!! Wasn't the blanket on the bed absolutely the coolest thing ever? So much so that it absorbed all of his visual attention. "It's in the auditorium...up a few flights of steps. Should be pretty obvious."

A drawing alone didn't sound all that ominous, but if Caleb needed it fixed, then he had to wonder why. "I can get rid of a drawing," Dorian said, trying to think back to when he'd wandered around the orphanage, looking for Caleb. He hadn't seen it, but he'd been looking for his brother, not anything like that. "Can I ask what it's of?" Because he might need to prepare himself, if it was something that really needed to be gotten rid of.

"Just a shadow." Caleb answered. He very nearly asked if they could quit talking about it, because he didn't want to explain himself. He didn't even know if he could. He'd just...done it. It had seemed important at the time. Some communication that was probably going to end before it ever got expressed, and he had been okay with that. But now...well. Now, he would have to deal with consequences if it was found. He didn't have answers about it.

"Okay," Dorian said, not sure if he should press or not. He wanted to. Damn did he want to. But he was warring with himself over what things he should allow Caleb to keep private and what he should ask more about. "Why's it need to be taken down?" he finally asked. Dorian would see it anyways, so that wasn't so much the issue. The 'why' of it all confused him though. A little graffiti never hurt anyone.

"I don't want her to see it." Caleb answered, since that was the simplest way to put it. "It was just something I did and I wasn't thinking about it right, and it's..." he sighed, rolling his eyes at himself, and he was frustrated with the way he couldn't manage to pin it down. He leaned back against the pillows and chanced a look at his brother. "Ever do something you don't think you'll have to deal with the fall out from?" he asked, and it was a bit of a rhetorical question, meant to articulate why he wanted the damn thing gone.

Ah. Well, that explained it, even if it was a rather depressing though. "Yeah," Dorian sighed, nodding in thought. "I'll get rid of it then. But... if the 'her' is Leija? I know she went looking for you as well." Which meant that she might have already seen it and there was nothing Dorian could do. "I'll get right on it, though. As soon as I leave here." He had nothing else to do tonight, so he might as well. What little social life he had had completely and totally died recently. He'd only gone out for drinks with Aiden so that he wouldn't be drinking by himself.

"Thank you." Caleb said. He didn't confirm the Leija of it all, and still didn't figure that she'd seen it. She'd have said something, right? Or oh, say, not been around because she'd think he was a psycho? That would have been a big tipoff and all, so he figured he was safe. "Shouldn't take long or anything, just a bucket of water or two should clear it." he added. "It's just charcoal, it'll wash off no problem." Then maybe he could feel less like there was an axe over his head, just waiting to drop and kill one of the good things he had going for him right now. Though, his mind pointed out, it was only a matter of time.

"I've got it," Dorian promised, figuring it was the least he could do. Washing away a charcoal drawing was nothing and he'd willingly do more if he could. "I brought you some books," Dorian said, reaching for his bag. He began to lay them out on the bed, every one of them in good condition, but certainly not new. "I didn't know what you'd like to read. Or if you like to read. So I brought a variety, and you can take them all or send them all back home. But I thought you might like something to do, and..." And he wished he knew Caleb well enough to know that drawing was an option. Anything that would have allowed him to personalize it a little, which Dorian felt completely incapable of.

"Books are good." Caleb said, looking over the ones Dorian had brought him. "I've gotten a few others so far, but I hate television, so...yeah. Reading will be really necessary. If I have to sit around and watch the fucking price is right or some shit, I'll be in trouble." he said, quirking a faint half smile. "Thank you." he added. "These yours?" he asked, looking at Dorian again. He didn't really know what his brother did. He supposed he read, but when he pictured Dorian reading it was some acedemic text or something.

"The Price is Right will rot your brain," Dorian said, grinning. "Stay away from that stuff. And you're welcome," he said, picking up one of his favorites. "Yeah, they're mine. You ever been in my room? I've got half a library in there. I tried to bring my favorites." There was just about everything in the selection, from horror novels to drama to non-fiction. A few of the books were the sort that might be found in Dorian's bookstore, but most of them were general reading. One thing lacking was romance novels. Dorian placed those just as brain rotting as The Price is Right.

Caleb had been in Dorian's room, but he hadn't been in the best of conditions where he'd been able to see what was really in there. He'd been more crashed the fuck out and recouperating and less 'hey what's on Dor's shelves' of it all. "Cool, I'll definitely read them." he added, looking through a little more carefully this time. It was kind of a good thing, he considred. Maybe he could get to know Dorian a little better by proxy. If he knew what he deemed his favorites, then hey. That was something, right? He thought so. Therefore, it was appreciated.

"Let me know what you like and I'll try to bring things accordingly," Dorian said. "So... how have you been feeling?" Caleb definitely looked better physically, but it was now the mental part that Dorian was concerned about. He'd not really had any idea how bad things were when they finally came to a head, and he didn't want to see that happen again. He knew part of it was that he barely knew Caleb, and he hoped to change that. He had to, if he wanted to be able to help.

He thought about his answer before he spoke. Caleb knew his brother wasn't asking for a cursory 'fine'. So he didn't want to give him one, and figured out wording before he started to speak. "I don't know?" he suggested. "Better. But it's mostly in a still dealing kind of way. I'm not looking forward to the psych ward. They're going to put me on medication, and I don't want that. At all. I think that's bothering me more than most everything else right now." he said honestly.

Dorian could understand that. He really could. He wasn't fond of substances ruling over his body, at least not when he didn't want them there. "I know you don't want to be on medication, but it's only till they let you out. After that, we can consider what to do. If you end up thinking it's helped? Then it could be a good thing. If it doesn't, then you drop it," Dorian said. He didn't want to discourage it completely because, honestly? Caleb might need it.

Caleb nodded, looking away. His problem didn't make any sense, and he knew that. He was just worried that the meds would help. Or something. He didn't know. He was worried about losing himself in that place. But then again, maybe he was supposed to get lost. It wasn't like he was overwhelmingly happy with who he was. He just wasn't under the impression that anything that was wrong with him was fixable in any sense of the word. "Okay." he agreed after a long moment. "Guess we'll see."

Dorian took a deep breath, not sure what to say. He wasn't good at this, knew the conversation wasn't exactly light, but thought it was something they needed to talk about anyways. "Why don't you want to be on mediation?" Dorian finally asked. "Besides the obvious, in that it's just a pain." He wasn't sure if Caleb's reasoning was the same as his own. It could actually be very different. And he needed to stop assuming things here because he obviously came to the wrong conclusions. He couldn't read Caleb's mind, so he might as well ask.

Caleb didn't know how to answer that. He had to stop, and frown, and he wound up picking at some of the stitches on his arm for a distraction. "I don't know. It's hard to explain. I don't...I mean, yeah, I know I'm fucked up. I have been since pretty much conception. But I don't know. What if I take something, and it changes me? Or...I don't fucking know. I sound stupid." he mumbled.

This was when Dorian wished he had taken a bit more psychology, so he could give his brother an answer that made sense and was encouraging. Unfortunately, he didn't have that on his side. "You don't sound stupid," Dorian said. "I think everyone worries about that, with any kind of drug. What if you're different and you're not you? I'm not sure that drugs can do that to you. If there's a chemical imbalance, and they help fix it, it's still you. And even if it's just a mental thing... They're not going to alter the way you think, Caleb. But if at any point, it starts to bother you, let me know. I'll do whatever I can to help."

Looking over at Dorian for a long moment, Caleb felt slightly better. Slightly. At least he believed him. And even if Dorian couldn't do anything, at least he'd have his back in theory. It was...weird, but nice. "Okay. Thanks." he said, and he sounded that little bit confused. He couldn't help it, but there was also sincerity behind the words.

Dorian was sincere, even if he didn't know what he could do exactly. He'd do anything to help Caleb and he knew they had a long road ahead of them. They'd get through it. He wouldn't leave his brother to deal with it all alone. "Is there anything I can bring you tomorrow?" Dorian asked. "I know no colored pencils or sharp objects, but I'm sure there are things I'm not thinking of. I can bring you food, so is there anything special you'd like me to attempt making?" Dorian smiled a bit, wondering if Caleb knew what a mess that could be. Dorian wasn't brilliant in the kitchen, but he'd attempt anything that would make Caleb feel better.

"Um, anything, really, and could you grab from my room my other sketch books? There's a hard cover one in there, and a few others. I know I'm going to kill this one in no time. There's also a smaller hard cover book. If you could get those for me, that'd be great." Caleb said. He almost added 'By the way, don't look in them', but really, when you told someone shit like that, it made them want to look, right? The drawings were probably okay, it was mostly just his journal he didn't think anyone should read, perhaps ever.

"I'll do that," Dorian said with a small smile, rising from his seat. He didn't question what the smaller book was, but he wouldn't have read Caleb's journal regardless. Some things were just meant to be private and Dorian considered that one of them. "I'll try to drop by tomorrow, but if I don't make it, I'll make sure Math does and I'll be here on Tuesday," Dorian promised. He planned to be there tomorrow, but if something fell through, he didn't want to be the one that didn't show.

Caleb nodded. "Okay. Whenever." he said, not really wanting to have Dorian rearrange his life just to visit him. Which didn't mean he didn't appreciate his brother's presence. He did. Something else occurred to him, but he didn't ask. It was about their parents, if they knew. If anyone had called them, and what they might have said.

He didn't really want to know.

"Soon," Dorian said, standing at the door. He'd stay longer, but he'd missed most of the visiting hours this time around. It was his own fault, he knew, and he probably shouldn't have been running out in the middle of nowhere anyways. This would take a bit of time evaluation on his part, but he didn't mind. Caleb was his brother, and that was enough.

"Later, then." Caleb said. Why was he so horrible at goodbyes? He didn't know how to say it to anyone. Was he that unused to having to be around anyone that he just automatically fucked up on an exit? It was such a stupid thing to suck at. And yet, there it was. Story of his life.

~*~*~*~

Later That Evening

Dorian headed down to the orphanage almost as soon as he left Caleb. The only stop he made along the way was to pick up a jug of water, not sure that he'd be able to find what was necessary from inside the orphanage itself. He'd looked around there before, when Caleb had gone missing, only to find nothing. Now that he knew where to look though, he couldn't miss it.

Caleb had said it was a shadow, but he hadn't said of what exactly, and Dorian hadn't pushed him. He'd been dreading something morbid, something that made his brother look even less stable than he already was. Instead, he had a better understanding of exactly why Caleb needed it washed away, as well as the headache Caleb was probably being put through.

If they weren't half demons, this would be so much easier. If she wasn't an angel, there wouldn't be near the conflict. But when it came down to it, they were what they were, and Dorian couldn't say they were human because it wasn't true. They weren't completely and it was a position Dorian wouldn't have wanted to be in himself.

With a small shake of his head, he began to toss the water up onto the wall, washing away the drawing of what had to be Leija. It was too bad it had to be taken down, for it was well done, and Dorian wondered how Leija might have felt if she'd seen it.