Walking In Dreams

Who: Billy and Oz with first Lullaby, then with Dean
Where: Dreams, various
When: Just after midnight

It was night, and things were confusing. There was a carnival set in the streets of Dean's town, the edges of the small, imperfectly remembered buildings barely visible beyond the colorful, garishly overly bright lights. Not quite in the center, but close, there was an impossibly huge carousel, looking like something either out of a nightmare, or a Tim Burton movie. Where the horses should have been, there were creatures. Wrong somehow, each and every one of them, and when you weren't looking directly at them, they moved. Like everything in the carnival, the paint was just as overly saturated as the lights--but it was chipped. Cracked. Imperfect.

There was no sky above, and beyond those faint edges of the buildings, there was nothing beyond. A carnival that hung crooked in the nothing, on a faint angle, tilted, not quite flat, unattended. Or, mostly unattended. Lullaby was there. She was looking around, holding onto a stuffed panda that was like everything else there--not quite right. Mostly it was fine. Mostly, it was just cute, fluffy. Properly proportioned for a teddybear. The problem was it seemed to have human eyes. Wide, lidless human eyes that stared out watching her as she looked around everywhere else, oblivious to the bear's scrutiny. The war memorial was there, strung with lights, and the clocks on it all read different times. None of them were right, and one face the hands continually moved, high speed, clocking hours in minutes. It also had a thirteenth hour as opposed to the normal twelve.

Music played as she walked around the overly large displays, rides. It was muted, carnival music that was just off key--and also missing any of the higher register notes. It was music in Lullaby's world. It didn't have the full range of frequency. So, some notes were simply missing, others off register just enough to be odd. She was looking around things, not quite looking frightened, but there was a nervous tension about her. Her hair was longer, pulled back into low pigtails that brushed along the backs of her shoulders, and she was wearing a sun dress with little blue flowers on it. "Dean?" she called, her voice echoing even if it shouldn't have. It was like she'd called into a cave, the quality of sound bouncing back and forth off of things to reverberate hollowly back to her.

Billy led Oz into the dream, skirting round the edge of the carousel, walking quietly and at ease, though he was fully alert for detail all the same. He wasn't afraid here, but the girl had been through trauma and the quicker he could gain control, the better for all concerned. He doubted her subconscious even would willingly attack him, but there were other dangers in an uncontrolled dream.

Oz followed, and looked around, not entirely sure what he expected to see in the fade's dream, but the carnival sort of wasn't it. He didn't really want to draw attention to himself, and stuck close to Billy even as he looked at everything, and decided that the place had a distinctly unsettling feel to it, even if it didn't necessarily inspire actual fear. "...didn't she die at the carnival?" he asked quietly. "...the first time."

Lullaby, for her part, didn't notice either of the intruders, she kept walking around and around, not actually noticing she was going in circles as she searched for Dean. The carosel gave a lurch to life, ominous clicking sounds as metal ground against itself, dull squeals of protest for a moment before it settled into a creaking, uneven ride.

"Yeah, she did," Billy agreed, quietly, setting them on a course to follow her round. He didn't know much more detail than that - he hadn't known the girl when she died, after all. He vaguely remembered seeing the reports in the news, teenager shot dead at fairground - couldn't miss that one. The rest - he knew he was missing information that could possibly help here. "She wasn't with Dean though, was she?" he asked, glancing at Oz.

"No." Oz said, following the girl, eyes on her in a concerned sort of fashion. It kicked up his protective instincts, even if he knew Billy was the one who would be needed to protect her here. He couldn't help it, though. "Well, he was there with her that night, but he wasn't with her when she actually got shot." he amended. "He brought home a fish."

Billy nodded - he'd seen the fish, in a small bowl on the kitchen windowsill. It made sense that that's where he got it from. "Well, we know she's not completely reliving that night then," he said, his tone almost musing - for him this was trying to figure out a puzzle, his mind absently working on possibilities, factoring things he knew, trying to figure it out - he did it automatically now, it didn't take much actual concentration anymore.

"Is this what things sound like to her?" Oz asked curiously, noting the quality of it in the dream was way, way off. Which made him feel bad, considering his hearing was so good. A little too good at times, definitely, but even with the calliope music off key, it was missing whole notes. And it didn't seem to him to fit in with the off key thing, he just thought they were missing. Or maybe that was just the musician in him talking. He didn't know.

Lullaby, meanwhile, kept up her circuit. Though as time went on, she started to get more pleading with her calls for Dean. A little more panicked. It was there in her tone, that 'I'm trying really hard to not freak out because that would be silly' sort of demeanor to it, but it kept creeping in anyhow. She also started to walk faster. As she did, more of the lights seemed to blink out, and the edges of the darkness surrounding the carnival edged in. She got nearer to the war memorial again and stopped, looking up at the clock that had the thirteenth hour, like it was telling her the real time.

"Sort of, yes," Billy told him, having heard what she heard in dreams before. He increased his speed as she did, simplifying down his ideas, focusing them in, running lists of possibilities to hit on the right one as the lights started to go out - that was never a good sign. It reminded him of the darkness of the mute kid's dream, made him shudder. This dream didn't have the same feel as that one, but darkness was rarely a good thing. He stepped up behind her as she reached the clock and as he hit upon the key, the power of the dream changing hands, coming to him - though the only outward sign of that was a slowing and stopping of the encroaching darkness.

Lullaby frowned slightly, shuddered a tiny bit, then finally, for the first time, looked behind her. She blinked as she saw Billy and Oz there, and she hugged the creepy panda tighter. "Hey, guys...have you seen Dean? He was supposed to be here." she said, that worry still in her tone, and her posture definitely dictated that she was concerned. She gave a light little attempt at a smile anyhow. That, before it died, and she added. "I can't find him. He's late." she said, gesturing to the weird clock.

"Yeah, he says he's sorry - he's running a little late, but he'll be along in a bit. We're here to fill in in the meantime," Billy said, the lie tripping smoothly off of his lips. Though, it wasn't entirely a lie - he knew he'd be able to leave her with what she was looking for easily enough. He faded the off-kilter music down to nothing, brought the twinkling lights back up, though at a slightly more natural and calmer saturation and added in some stars to the blackness that he now decreed was the sky as he looked round and saw a bench nearby. "How about we sit down for a bit?" he suggested.

She relaxed when he said that, and nodded, heading over. "It's good to see you." she said, not quite fully out of the grips of the dream or anything, as she still didn't quite understand the situation. But she sat down. "I didn't know you were coming. I would have won you a present." she said. "Do you want my panda?" she asked, holding it out towards both of the guys.

Oz smiled at the girl. "No, that's okay, Thia, we don't want your panda." Personally the thing kinda creeped him out, with the fucked up eyes, but that was just him. "It's yours." he told her, sitting down on the bench which he noticed was big enough for the three of them. He moved over to one side so Lullaby could sit in the middle.

Billy sat down at the other side, frowning slightly at the panda, but only for a moment before his face took on it's usual expression and the panda became nothing but a stuffed panda. That was better. "No, the panda's yours - where did you get him?" he asked, making another decision and following through with his promise to her of sound, filtering whatever she heard through his own ears, bringing up background music again a little, but this time a carousel tune he remembered himself. They were just little changes, subtle ones to improve the atmosphere, make the dream more comfortable, relaxing, feel safer.

"I..." she started, but she smiled instead, the sounds catching her attention more than any other changes to the dream. That brought her awareness level up some more, and she seemed to refocus, narrowing her attention in on Billy a little more. "Are you here?" she asked, the question making sense to her, even if she didn't fully explain it's meaning at all.

Billy smiled. "Said I'd visit," he pointed out. "And Oz wanted to come as well - hope you don't mind. You're missed, you know," he added, though it was more that they both worried - but the girl didn't need to know that.

Lullaby laughed a slight bit, then gave Billy a hug--a fast one, because she knew he always sort of twitched over that. Then she gave Oz one too, sitting back on the bench and pulling her feet up on the bench with her. "It's good to see you." she told them both, a little more genuine emotion to it this time rather than just a dream-recited reaction. "You're missed too." she said honestly. She did. She missed them, she missed home...but Dean wasn't ready to go back yet, so she'd just go on missing them. "Is everything okay there? Nothing weird is going on, right? You guys and everyone else is okay?"

"Everything's fine, nothing weird is going on." Oz assured her. "I just wanted to say hello and everything..." Because he was a twitchy son of a bitch who'd been crawling the walls since they'd left, and this would help make him feel slightly better. Getting a hug from the girl helped slightly, even if he was aware there wasn't any physical presence in reality--it was good enough to trick his brain into feeling like there was. He'd take it.

"How about you - how're you finding England?" Billy asked her, since Oz answered the question for them. He was more concerned about how she was doing anyhow - he just had slightly more tact than to reel off a load of questions about Dean and why didn't she go into what was going on and was she sure that this was a good idea and how were they treating her and to remember that if she needed to come home for a bit, she could.

"It's nice." Lullaby said. "I've met most of Dean's old friends, and his family and stuff. His parents took us on sort of a touristy day thing? That was fun." she said. She was holding back a little, that much was clear, even if she tried to hide it, but...Lullaby wasn't the best of liars in the first place, and in dreams she had even less convincing ability. Plus she was fiddling with the panda.

Oz was watching her, keeping his expression neutral, but he was concerned. His gaze ticked to Billy over the top of her head, which she wasn't paying attention anyways, she was looking at the now much less creepifying bear, but still.

"And what about the rest of it?" Billy asked lightly, not pressing hard, but clearly inviting her to talk about what she wasn't saying. He wondered if he should move the dream to somewhere more familiar, rather than this odd-looking place which he assumed was the town she was in at the moment.

Lullaby glanced first over at Oz, then back to Billy, and she made a little bit of a face. "Dean's still...being Dean. I'm worried about him. Right now I think he kind of needs to not worry about things and the like, but I also think that that means he's just not thinking about anything. Sort of not really...moving forward? And for right now, I'm letting him, because I don't want to push, but I'm worried." she said, aware she was repeating herself a bit. "Plus..." she blushed faintly, and looked at the ground for a moment. "Well, back home we kinda have...places we can go? Like to be alone for a while?" she suggested, really really hoping that she didn't get hell for that, or that it wasn't taken the wrong way. "Just to talk and everything! And we just don't have that here. That's a little stressful." she admitted.

Oz personally thought that if the girl's 'and everything' included what she was clearly trying to dissuade them from thinking, there might be less stress in their lives, but that was also possibly just him. He was still back and forth constantly on his opinion on the two of them. Though, one thing was certain, he could see clearly how worried she was about Dean. Which made him antsy to go see the kid. Like...ten minutes ago.

There were times when the girl really reminded Billy so much of Maddie - just those tendancies to put everyone else first. He kind of wanted to shake her and say 'yes, but what about you?', in herself, not connected to Dean, but he doubted it would do any good - she'd just look at him blankly, or tell him that was where her prioties were right now. "Are things between the two of you more... settled more?" he asked, wondering how the hell to phrase that question anyway.

She ducked her head slightly at that. She should have known the question was coming, especially since she had talked to Billy about it in the first place, but it was just so strange for her to have Oz sitting there too. She liked Oz and she trusted him and everything but he wasn't Billy. It made her wonder what to answer. If she should go for a blowoff answer of 'yes everything's just peachy keen fine and there are no issues at all, whee!' which he wouldn't buy, or maybe the truth, which was 'I'm possibly even more confused than I was when I talked to you out by the fire'. What came out of her mouth was neither. "Right now, isn't that not the right thing to be thinking about?" she asked, looking over at Billy with her head still a little ducked.

Billy looked from Thia to Oz and caught the werewolf's eye. "Could you give us a few minutes?" he asked. That was more of a courtesy than anything else, since he could have simply cut Oz out of the conversation, but that would have really gone against the grain for the dreamwalker - and he observed his courtesties in dreams, willingly limiting his own power.

Oz nodded, feeling as out of place there as he was. So he stood up, dropped a kiss on top of Thia's head, then wandered the hell off, mostly just looking around at all the elements of the dream, and trying to keep his twitchiness about wanting to check on Dean in check. He managed. But Lullaby was seeming as okay as she could be, beyond relationship issues. Dean...well, Dean had killed someone, then hopped the country. He wanted to check on him. But there was time. Maybe. Right. Wandering.

Lullaby watched Oz walk off, then looked at Billy again. She winced slightly, squinting one eye shut. "I think I'm probably more confused than ever at this point." she said quietly, even if part of her was wondering if her volume mattered here. The sound quality had changed in the dream entirely, and little things like sound carrying and such just didn't matter in a dream. Particularly one Billy had hold of.

"He can't hear us," Billy told her, noting she was speaking quietly. Courtesies were over with, he was on to respecting privacy right now, though he knew he'd share what he could with his friend later. "Oz told me that you two had some arrangement going..." he added, turning the conversation back to the point.

Her cheeks flushed, and she nodded. "I know I probably should have stopped it, or...or something, I don't know." she said, half hiding her face in the bear. "He's got this friend, Andy, and he's talked to me on the computer before, and he kind of...I don't know, he was hitting on me, and he really really wasn't taking no for an answer on things, and I'm pretty positive he just wanted me to come over and have some fling with him or whatever and anyways to make a long story short I was talking to him before we left, and Dean came in, and I didn't hear him. But he heard some of the conversation, and just sort of...came up and said that we were dating." she explained. "To...y'know, take the pressure off, and get Andy to back off." she added unnecessarily. "But now everyone thinks we're dating, and he...sometimes it's..." she trailed off there, not even sure how to start explaining all the mixed up emotions there. Plus she was not going to be going into details.

Billy internally sighed - she really didn't need this right now, not on top of everything else. He wondered if the boy actually knew what he was doing - probably not, sixteen year old boys could be remarkably stupid. He knew that he had been, at least. "Yeah, that's basically what I heard. Not sure it's a great idea though. I can see why he did it, but the guy didn't know what he was doing, right?"

"If you mean he didn't know that I have actual feelings for him and the whole pretending to be dating thing is really confusing the hell out of me...no, he didn't know." Lullaby said. "...is it bad that sometimes it's...well, really really nice? And I just kinda wish...but then I remember that hey--it's all just pretend. And he's been kind of back and forth with it, too. Like...the first day, things were really sort of...surprising. Not in a bad way, mind you. He just seemed...I dunno. Relaxed? About things like that? But then things kind of went back again and...have I mentioned the confused? And we're sharing a room there too, which makes me feel awful, because he said just before we left that he didn't want that anymore, and..." she trailed off there.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. Are you sure that this whole thing's a good idea? Was the other guy really that obnoxious that he wouldn't take 'not interested' as an answer?" Billy asked her - because this all seemed a recipe for disaster to him. Or, at the very least, a recipe for emotional hurt.

Lullaby looked over at Billy for a long moment, then glanced away. "...I've been trying to put Andy off of the whole me and him thing since he started on it, and he never once seemed to understand that i wasn't just playing hard to get." she admitted. "We were wandering into 'no really fuck off' land when Dean came in. But I don't know if I could have said it, either, because--it's Dean's...well his best friend." she said, and the twitch there was obvious. She didn't like referring to anyone beyond herself as that, in her own selfish little way.

"Yeah, but still - would seem easier just for Dean to have taken his friend to one side and had a quiet word in his ear on your behalf." If they were such good friends - friends listened to each other, after all, even if they didn't like what they were hearing. "Just - Thia, I know you want what's best for him right now, and I know you're worried about him. But this isn't tied up in that. This is something else - so just.... You do what's best for you in this, okay?"

"I've given him the out." Lullaby said. "Several times, even. And he's offered me the out too. Just...neither one of us has taken it. I think by now, it would be harder to go back on. We'd have to try to explain the 'break up' to his parents, and everyone else." she said. Then she made another face. "And maybe I'm just being harsh but I kinda think Andy'd be the type to like...hit on me trying to be my 'shoulder to cry on' type thing." she said, rolling her eyes. "But I promise, I'll do what's best for me, kay? I'm okay, I'm just...confused. and y'know, doing a whole lot of wishing. Because when things were...like that first night?" She sighed. "Makes me wonder if that's what it would be like to actually be with him. Or if he's just really good at acting. Which..." She kinda knew he sucked at. But still.

Billy felt more confident that the boy wasn't acting, if that's how he was behaving, since his talk with Oz. He trusted Oz to know Dean's mind, after all. But still, he'd promsied not to interfere here and he was bound by that. He didn't look entirely happy, but there was little he could do about the situation - and she was right, getting out of it now could just make things worse. "Well, okay and - you know that if you need to talk...."

She smiled, and looked at him properly again. "I know. I can text, or hop through a mirror to see you." she said. "Thank you. if I do, I will, I promise. For me, right now...honestly this is all confusing and hard for me and everything? But...it's secondary. That's not what's most important right now. I need to make sure he's okay. I mean...he's in this situation because of me and..." her gaze averted again. "I'm not leaving him to deal with it alone. I know he doesn't want me too far away. I was really afraid for a while that he'd sort of...realize and decide I couldn't be far enough away, but that hasn't happened. I think he just needs me right now, and so...I'm here. Everything else can be worked out later."

Billy nodded. "We're going to go and see him next," he told her. "How's he been sleeping?" he asked, because he could at least do something about that for her if the answer was 'badly'. He looked over to Oz and motioned that it was okay for him to come back across again.

"I don't think very well." Lullaby admitted. "I don't know if it's the change in environment, what's on his mind, or..." being forced to share a bed with me... "...or what, but he's always up really early, and I don't think he sleeps very soundly when he is asleep." Sometimes she woke up and watched him for a while, but that was kind of creepy, wasn't it? She didn't think owning up to that was the best plan ever.

"Well, I'll see what I can do. If it's dreams that are the problem, I might be able to tweak them a little," he promised, though he added in the 'might' simply because he knew his limitations. He was really only any good with reoccurring dreams - he couldn't stop them happening in the first place, but he could change the thread of the reoccurance, rewrite them so that when they occurred, they played out differently. One off dreams, well, he could only change them there and then - he couldn't do anything for the future if soemone's dreams were always different.

She smiled. "Thank you. I'd personally appreciate that. He's kind of got enough stress as it is without not getting good sleep on top of that." she said honestly. He'd wear down quicker that way, because there wasn't anything to fight. She knew Dean well, and if he had something active he had to deal with? He could keep going until he dropped, but this? This was a different world.

Oz wandered back over, a little nervous energy apparent in his step, though he tried to hide it. He just wasn't especially good at it. He didn't say anything, he just walked up and sort of gave a half questioning look to both of them, that was meant to ask if everything was all good or not.

Billy gave the werewolf a little reassuring nod. "Thanks," he said, appreciating that - knowing that it hadn't been easy for the guy. "Thia was just telling me that she doesn't think Dean's sleeping as well as he could, so I'm gonna see what I can do about that," he added, drawing the guy back into the conversation.

"Right--good." Oz said, nodding. "So...we'll just go do that then?" he suggested. He almost asked 'but everything's okay here' on the end but wound up curbing the impulse. He'd got the nod from Billy, it was okay. Righto.

Lullaby looked between the two of them. "Be careful." she said. She also tried to tell herself she wasn't dying to know what he was dreaming about. Probably nothing good. Or maybe like...Katie or something. Who knew. It was absolutely, positively none of her business.

Billy smiled. "Always," he reassured her. "Now - the sound'll change when we leave - I can't do anything about that," he told her. Things he got from within her he could put in place to stay until she changed them, but what she was hearing now came from him, not her, he couldn't leave that behind. What he could leave behind was the part him didn't mention as Dean faded into being at one edge of the dream. Hopefully she wouldn't notice him until they'd gone. Hopefully she wouldn't have some kind of masochistic streak in her subconscious which would change the dream so that she lost him again.

She nodded. "Thanks for giving it to me while you were here." she said, with a smile. "I like being able to hear you, and Oz, and...yeah. So...thank you." she said, with honest gratitude. "Have a good night, guys, thanks for visiting. I miss you and tell Sophie and Maddie I miss them too." she added. "I'll--" she broke off, having been about to say she'd see them soon, but...that was up to Dean, now wasn't it? "I'll see you." she amended.

"Bye, Thia." Oz said affectionately, giving the girl a bit of a hug before he took off with Billy. The only clear thing he was missing from the dream was her scent, which sort of messed with his head, but...dreams. Things worked that way.

"I'll come again," Billy promised, before leading Oz out of the dream and into the next. Yeah, he definitely wasn't going to be in any fit state to work in the morning, he decided as they left the fairground and stepped seamlessly onto a darkened beach, lit surprisingly well by a clear sky, the crescent moon and the pinpoint light of stars providing more illumination than was realistically possible, though it was illumination that cast everything in stark shadows, a cold, harsh light. The sound here too was off, though not in the same way as it had been in Lullaby's dream. Here the sound of the waves breaking on the beach was too loud, grating slightly in the night air. There was a rhythmic, repetitive sound working against it which took Billy a moment to figure out, before he realised it was the sound of someone digging. The beach was empty, bare, stretching on seemingly endlessly in three directions, the four leading to what was clearly the lake. Billy looked over at Oz - and headed them toward the digging sound.

Oz looked around, the jump in the sounds between Thia's dream and Dean's jarring. This one was more familiar, more like sound he was used to, but still. He also nearly commented on the whole beach at night thing, considering his own dreams generally took place in a similar situation, but he didn't want to disturb Dean's dream before he figured out what was going on, and before Billy could take hold of it. Which didn't at all help the antsy feeling he had, and he walked faster, wanting to at least see Dean before he'd let himself relax even a little.

Billy couldn't work out why they couldn't see Dean, with the beach as empty as it was, and he continued to be confused until the moment that they came across the hole. It had to be at least six feet deep and probably as long. Maybe four, five foot square and the boy was down in the bottom, shovelling sand out, looking down, working steadily. It was typical of a dream world that, despite the fact that the teen was shovelling spadeful after spadeful of sand from the hole, there was no corresponding mound of removed sand. Dreams were odd like that sometimes.

Oz looked down, and without taking his eyes off of Dean, he spoke quietly to Billy. "...you try guilt?" he asked. Because one of the clearest things he'd gotten out of Dean after he'd gotten home was Dean blamed himself for everything. Even if it was utterly ridiculous. He crouched down, really wanting to hop down in there and stop the kid, but...he didn't do things like that in Billy's territory. Dreams were very much his friends territory. "...or...what." he didn't know. Hopelessness? He didn't know, wasn't sure. He just reaaaaaally hoped Billy got the key soon because he wanted to stop Dean.

"Yeah, I tried guilt," Billy told the guy, though he didn't sound at all annoyed with Oz putting forward a suggestion - he'd hoped that it would be that - when he'd seen, he'd figured it was. Something nice and simple, all encompassing. He looked round, trying to spot if he'd missed anything - but the dream was bare, just sand, the lake, and a fucking great hole. And shadows, lots of shadows. He swept his eyes back and forth across the scene and he only just caught it. "She's there - can you see her?" he said, quietly, pointing to one corner of the hole which was cast in shadows. The barest suggestion of a girl was there, lying on the floor, not moving.

Oz looked where directed, and frowned. "...yeah, I see her. Sort of." he said, looking back up at Billy. He didn't ask what it meant, he just knew that it was...well. Disturbing was a good word. Whatever it was, it didn't seem good. Especially with the whole her not moving thing. That was really never a good thing, regardless of time or place. And in a giant grave-like hole? Definitely not at all good. "...loss?"

"No - I... I've tried all the obvious ones." This was easier with Thia - he knew Thia better, but even then he'd largely just gone through everything he could think of. Which was what he was doing here - running through lists in the hope he'd just hit on the key - it worked more often than people would think. He just didn't like to admit just how much of what he could do was based purely on guesswork.

Oz nodded, looking back down at Dean. At the girl, trying to figure out what exactly Dean was doing. Besides digging out the hole. Grave. Whatever. Was he just trying to unbury her? It didn't necessarily seem like that to him. Though, whatever he was doing he wasn't managing it, considering the hole never actually went anywhere, or it didn't seem like it. "Is he actually getting anywhere, or is that me imagining he isn't?" he decided to ask.

Billy opened his mouth to answer when he suddenly felt it. "Failure," he said, sure that was it as he felt the dream open to him. "Maybe, kind of - something like that anyway. And no, he's not getting anywhere- so, let's just stop him, should we?" the dreamwalker suggested as he made the spade disappear from Dean's grasp - a move that didn't actually work at all as the boy simply dropped to his kneees and started digging with his hands instead. Billy winced and looked over at Oz. Not a good sign.

"...gimme a sec." Oz said, and then he dropped down into the hole, careful that he didn't land on the barely there girl, but the hole was big enough, anyhow. He put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Hey..." he said. "What's going on?" he asked Dean, hoping that he could at least start things out like that. Might not work, but it was worth a shot, right?

Dean didn't stop digging, didn't turn around as he clawed the sand back, pushing it off to one side. "I have to do this," he said, responding to the questions he was asked, even if he was still very clearly caught in the dream.

Crouching down next to Dean, he tried to get a look at his face, though it was hard in the shadows. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm pretty sure you can stop now." he added. "Whatever's going on, we'll figure it out, okay?" he said. "You're not alone here." Since he wasn't...or, he wasn't anymore. He didn't know if having an unmoving ghost of a girl in the corner counted as not alone in the first place.

"No - I can't stop," Dean told him, firmly, doubling his digging efforts. "I have to do this - I have to keep going. Can't stop. I have to keep going - I have to make it right, get it right. I don't want to stop. And not alone, wouldn't leave me alone," he said, not looking up even for a moment.

"Okay, I've had enough of this," Billy said from the top of the hole. Some dreamers just wouldn't give up - they just had no lucidity in dreams at all. He picked a place out of Dean's head and the scene changed. The darkness increased, the wide open space closed in around them, the sound deadening, the sand beneath their feet turning to blankets and the effect on Dean was instantaneous - he stopped, his hands fisting slightly before he curled up into a siting ball, his head on his knees. Billy sat down on the other side of the closet and raised the light level enough so that they could see.

Oz blinked as the scene changed, and it took him a second to recognize the kids closet, but did after a few moments. His eyes were on Dean as Billy made it lighter, and he wasn't sure what to say now. But he made an attempt anyhow. "...you alright, Dean?" he asked. Knowing full well 'emphatically not' was probably the answer.

Dean inhaled and slowly let the breath out, his body going taut, then relaxing before he looked up at Oz. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, though his eyes were empty of emotion. He seemed to have no memory of the fact that only moments before he'd been frantically digging in a hole on the beach, and now he was calmly sitting in his closet. "I'll be fine. That's the way it works, Oz. You know that."

Not answering right away, Oz kept his gaze on Dean. "Not so sure about that 'round now." he said. "I want to know how you're really doing. I know you're not fine now. How are you getting to fine?" he asked. Because yeah, that wasn't really how it worked. Or, something. Some things you were actually just never fine with. Never quite over. If anyone knew about issues that were lingering, horrible shadows in the back of your mind, he did. He dealt with them all the time, and while some of them had more recently been cleared up, that didn't mean they were all magically better, either. And it had been years. And none of them had been so heavy as what Dean was dealing with.

"Don't make me say it, it'll be okay if I don't say it," Dean said, looking imploringly at Oz, ignoring Billy entirely. As it was, the dreamwalker was keeping out of this one - Oz was better to handle this anyway.

"He's not realised it's a dream," he did, however, tell Oz, making it so that Dean wouldn't hear - it was easier that way. Normally, when things changed so dramatically, the dreamer realised that there was something going on. Even a slight change in sound had told Thia, after all. "He thinks you're part of his dream - this could get a little weird, but at least he's answering your questions. Keep going and you might actually get more out of him that you would in a normal conversation. Might all be kinda bizarre, but he'll tell you things he wouldn't normally - since his mind thinks he's just playing it out in a dream."

Oz winced faintly. That...while helpful, just kind of made him feel all sorts of not good about himself. It seemed shady to do to someone. But...in the end, he also knew Dean. And Dean could be like talking to a brick fucking wall. The kid shut down sometimes, and that was it. End of story. So, if it wasn't that way currently...maybe he had to just do it, and berate himself about it later. The greater good, right? Last time we went with the greater good, Thia died again. And he probably still hates me for it somewhere deep down. That really didn't make him feel any better. Fuck. "Say it, Dean." he said, voice not necessarily loud, but it was said. "It'll be okay." he added. "But say it."

Dean looked at the werewolf, a pleading look behind his eyes, but that changed smoothly to resignation and he looked away again. "I'm not okay," he told Oz, his voice empty. "I don't know how to be okay. I don't know what okay is. I don't know what I'm doing. I - have all these thoughts and I don't want to think them. If I don't think them, I can't say them - they won't exist. I can just carry on. Maybe I'll learn how to be okay again if I just carry on. Don't stop." He paused and looked up. "But - I can't do that Oz. I know that - I can't just ignore everything and I'm going to have to think them and say them and I'm scared of what's going to happen to me. I'm scared of what I'll find and I don't want..." He looked around, suddenly. "Where is she?" he asked.

"She's fine. Nearby." Oz said, making that up right off the top of his head, because he was sure Billy could put her wherever she needed to be if he needed proof or something, but hopefully Dean would take his word for it. "She'll be back. Don't worry." he continued. "What are you not thinking about?" he asked. "If you go through it, and work through it, it'll be okay. I know it won't feel like it at the time, but...it'll get there. You're a strong person."

Dean shook his head. "No - no, I'm not. I'm not strong. If I was strong, I wouldn't be like this, I would be able to deal with this. You could deal with this - you could deal with anything. I want to be more like you, but I'm not and I just feel like I'm falling apart inside sometimes and I want to be better, but I don't know how and don't make me talk about what I'm not thinking about, please, don't make me I can't I can't - I... If I open that up I don't know if I can close it again and I'm scared Oz, I'm so scared."

Billy said nothing, but he carefully layered on the dream, emphasising the security of the space they were in, realising now that it was the same place as he'd set up for Thia's safe space in her dreams. Given what he knew, that wasn't entirely surprising. BUt, that was just an absent observation - his concentration was on padding matters here to control Dean, to stop this becoming a fully fledged nightmare for the boy, though he made no efforts to stop Oz from continuing. It really sounded like this was something which needed to be pressed.

"It might not need closing." Oz said. "If you deal with things then you don't need to have things shut off. It'll be okay. I'm here, and I know you're stronger than you think you are. I'm here, I'll help you. It's all going to be okay. But you have to tell me what you're thinking, or what you don't want to think about, okay?" he said. And yeah. He officially hated himself. Really, really he did. This was...awful. Damaging. He just knew some things were hard, and this was one of them. He just knew he was going to carry this around with him for a long time.

"No - no, I'm not. You don't know me, you don't see me. You think you do, but you don't - you trusted me and you shouldn't have done. I was stupid, I shouldn't have been stupid, I should have been smarter than that and things wouldn't have changed. I betrayed your trust - I'd been doing so well, all week, doing what you'd want me to. I'd been good, I just - once is too much. I should have known better, but I wanted to give her something normal, just for one night. Both of us - didn't we deserve that? But I should have known better, I need to remember that - I know it too well now, even here, playing at being normal - I don't fit. That's when it all started to go wrong and... There's too much. And I still don't know what to do about Gabe. Am I a monster, Oz?" he asked, flipping through subjects, jumping from one to the next as though he were talking to himself and therefore didn't have to explain anything. "Is this it? The start of it all? Am I..." he trailed off, whatever he had been thinking something he clearly didn't want to say aloud.

In the background, Billy continued to provide the dream with everything Dean needed to keep him stable, which was why, as Dean trailed off, Thia appeared, silently, behind him and curled up behind the boy, wrapping her arms round him. He leaned back into her without a second thought, pulling her a little closer.

That was one hell of a lot to keep up with, but Oz tried. It was that last part though that really was the kick to the emotional balls. Fuck. "No, Dean, you are not a monster." he said clearly, shoving everything he was going through just listening to all that aside. God it was hard, but he did it. "This isn't the start of anything. You aren't going to become one, either." he continued. "None of this was your fault. If I'd been around to ask, I would have told you to go too. Because you did deserve that." he added, addressing points he could. "And all of this...it's not all your responsibility, Dean."

"Then whose responsibility is it?" Dean asked, dream-Thia's arms tightening round him more as she laid her head on his shoulder. "It is, all of it, because I can't not. I have to - if I don't, who will, I can't just let things go - it'll be worse if I just let things go. Terrible things happen if I just let things go - and of this happened because I let things go, I can't do that again. I won't do it again I just don't know if I'm strong enough to not do that again," he rambled, lost in a circle of his own words.

"It's not your responsibility." Oz repeated calmly, voice gentle. "Some things aren't anyone's responsibility. But this...this is definitely not. Some things happen. They just do, it's no one's fault, and it's no one's sole responsibility to hold up the world. If you keep up what you are doing, then everything's going to crash in on itself. You can't control the world around you, Dean, even if you feel like you should have to. You need to let go of some of this. You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. No one else holds you responsible either. Let some of us share the burden, alright?" Not that he thought that would work, but it was worth a shot.

Dean looked confused. "Everything has to be someone's responsibility - it wouldn't make sense if it wasn't. Everything leads back to something, to someone. It all fits together, it has to or else it's just... chaos. Everything needs to make sense," Dean said, denying what he was hearing. It had to make sense, everything had to fit together, or else he'd have to make it fit together, there was a plan to everything - he just had to find it.

"Not everything does make sense. Or can be traced back to a responsible party." Oz said. "The world is a chaotic place. We make what sense we can, but...not everything adds up. Not everything fits together perfectly. And it definitely doesn't all come down on your head. It can't come down all on you. That makes no sense either. Is that where you're having most trouble? Finding the responsible party, so you take it upon yourself?"

"I'm sorry," Dean said, closing his eyes, looking miserable. "I'm so sorry. I don't know how to think - doesn't it always have to be someone's fault? And - no, it's best... It has to be me. It can't be any of you. I don't know how to think."

Oz shut his eyes for a moment, having to give himself a second before he could continue. He didn't give himself long, but...yeah. A moment. "Don't be sorry, Dean. It's not your fault." he said first. "And it doesn't have to be anyone's fault." he continued. "Some things just happen. It's no one's fault, it just happens." he said. "Do you see where some things are our fault? Some of us, maybe here and there? If that's how you see it, then that's how you see it. But some of this...that's not our fault either. What happened with Thia's dad--that was her dad's fault. No one else's." He paused. "We have to play the hand we're dealt sometimes, Dean, and we don't get to call bullshit on the dealer. That doesn't mean that everything has to be quantified, or that it makes sense. Or has someone to blame. ...let me give you an example that's less tied in with everything. I was bit when I was a toddler. Before I can even remember. If we're going by the fault idea...it'd be my parents fault for taking me camping. Or the werewolf's fault for biting me. But...is it? Who bit that one? Does it all trace back to the first one? It happened to me, and I've dealt with it my whole life, but I never sat and thought to myself 'who gets the blame for this'. Because there is no real blame. It just happened."

Dean shook his head, looking disturbed, looking like he really didn't want to take this in. It didn't fit, it didn't sit squarely with the way he thought, the way he saw things, he didn't know how to handle that and it was plainly clear that he was having trouble with it. "No, no - that's... It's different, that's different, it's different, it's not the same. I - and I don't blame you, never. Never, never, never. For anything, that's - I can't, I don't. Or her, never, not for a moment, I... No, this is different. I could have done something, we all know it - you're just being nice about it but I know it. I know it. I could have done something and then she would never have got hurt."

"No, Dean, it's not different." Oz said, still hating every single second of this. "And I know you blame me for some things. I know you do, and that's okay. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, not her, not anyone." he said. "You couldn't have done anything. Sooner or later, he would have shown up. End of story. That's not your fault. And it's still not your responsibility to keep her safe either. Everyone gets hurt sometimes. You got hurt. And if we apply the logic you to do yourself...then I'd say everything that's happened with you would wind up my fault. Because I wasn't home that night. Or because I gave you the gun in the first place. Or because I didn't protect everyone well enough from the shadows...."

"I could have gone after him first. Like I - I could have gone after him first and then she wouldn't be hurt and then it wouldn't have mattered where you were, because I would have dealt with the problem. I let her get hurt. I should be better, but if I'm better is that worse? I don't want to be better, but what if I'm not?" Dean asked. He knew what kind of a world Marquette was in, he was just scared of the kind of person he'd have to become to feel like he could live in it.

"Yeah, and I could have gone after him first, too." Oz said. "Billy could have tried. Anyone could have. Why are you taking it on yourself like it was all on you to begin with? It wasn't." He was quiet for a second. "Dean, do you think you're better than everyone else?" he asked, knowing the question would sound out of the blue.

"No." The question was too much of an instantaneous reaction to be anything but the blunt truth. He shook his head and brought his knees up a little more, his hand going to cover one of the dream-Thia's as she continued to hold him. "No, I'm not better than anyone. I'm not as good as anyone, but I try - I try, I have to I have to try, keep trying." He looked back over his shoulder at the dream-Thia, his face clearing a little. "You always said you'd never let me fall that far," he said to her, smiling a tiny amount.

He watched that, what he said there to the dream-Thia and wondered about it. What that meant. If maybe she'd failed there somewhere, or deep down he thought she had. Maybe that was the case. He moved forward, though. "So you don't think you're better than everyone else. So, logically speaking, why is it you're expecting to do everything for everyone? That none of us are capable of making our own decisions with their own consequences? We all have our own responsibilities. We all have our own choices and actions and those have consequences that are ours to deal with. But you seem to want to be controlling everyone else's causes and effects. You seem to think that it all reflects back on you, when it can't, and shouldn't. It isn't fair of you to decide everything is your fault, unless you really think you're the only one capable of dealing with anything, and all the rest of us are just...pawns."

"I need to try - I need to keep trying. I don't - I don't think that about you, about anyone. I don't want to control, I just need to, to - to not be... I can't fall that far," he said, looking back at Oz. "I can't and if I let go, I will, I'm afraid I will. She said she'd never let me, but I'm afraid I will. I have to watch myself, I have to be good, I have to do what's right, always, I can't leave it to other people. Where would we be if everyone left everything to someone else? We can't do that. We've all got to play our part. I have to play my part. Then it'll all be okay. I just want it to be okay. But none of it makes sense anymore. I don't make sense anymore. It all used to make sense and now I don't know I can't make it make sense."

"So play your part. But play just your part. Stop playing everyone else's too." Oz said. You don't have to. Trust us. Trust us to play our own. It will be okay. It won't be, if you keep doing what you've been doing, if you keep trying to take everyone else's responsibility. I'll hold up my end. everyone else you know...Sophie, Billy, Maddie...Thia...they'll all hold up theirs. You don't have to do it for any of us. Stop doing that, please. I don't want to leave my part to someone else. I don't want it left to you. And you're not going to fall that far." he said, even if he didn't quite know the significance, he could guess. "If she said she won't let you, she won't. And I won't either. None of us will, you just got to trust us. We can all share the burden, okay? It's not all on you."

"I just want what's best for people," Dean told him. "I know you'll do our part, I always knew that - I just want to make sure I do mine as well. But this wasn't what we were talking about was it how did we get here? See, nothing - it doesn't make sense. I skip - one subject to another. It doesn't properly connect. We were talking about then. Now we're talking about - some other time. Aren't we? I don't know. I just handled things badly and... It's been too much, Oz. But I don't do so well when I stop. I'm better when I keep going. But we're here and it's all stop, but she's stopped thinking I blame her. I know she thought I'd do that and I don't. I couldn't talk when she thought that I thought that. In case. Now - now I... I know I have to, but - we don't have anywhere. And it's not easy. And I'm scared. I don't want to fall, Oz. I'm scared of what I'll find when I look."

"I know you want what's best. I know that you care about everyone and you want everything to work out. But in order for that to happen, you have to let us do our parts and you do yours." Oz said, really hoping that this sank in. God, let this sink in. He needed to take something away from it once he woke up. "Your part you need to redefine, I think, Dean. Because right now it seems to encompass everyone else's. So you need to look at it and cut it back down to just your part." If he could do that, he'd do a lot better. "Then it won't be too much. Everything'll even out. Then you won't be carrying around everyone's share, you'll just have yours and you'll be able to handle it. I promise. And it won't be scary when you look, and you won't fall. It'll all be okay. If you need a place...have Thia bring you two someplace. So see something in another part of the country. Book a hotel room. Then you'll at least be alone, if that's what you need."

Dean laughed a little at that. "Never thought I'd hear you say that. You still trust me? Maybe. Don't know if mum would let us. I need - I don't know what I need right now. I wanted it to stop, and now it's stopped, it's too quiet. My head feels full. I don't feel like I'm making sense anymore and there's just all this petty crap and I don't want it any more. I just need time and I don't know. But, yes, cut down. But, I don't know how to do that," Dean pointed out, but he looked calmer now, less aggitated.

"'Course I still trust you. I'll always trust you. You've never done anything to make me rethink that. you've never done anything to make me go back on that decision." Oz told him, relaxing the tiniest bit after Dean seemed to calm more. It was a completely unconscious reaction. "Time you have. And take the time to learn how to cut back. It's not going to come all at once. Just...think things through while you've got the time. Look at everything and try to make a better assessment of what's actually your responsibility and what isn't. Listen to people. I'll tell you what I think. Ask Thia. I'm sure she'll help you too."

"Course she will, she always helps me - I can never tell her how much," Dean said, squeezing the dream-Thia's hand. "You're sure that it's okay to think?" he asked, sounding as though a decision was resting on Oz' answer.

Oz nodded immediately. "It's okay to think." he told Dean. "I'd like if you did. I miss you, you know." he said. "The house isn't the same without you." And that held real sentiment. It was understated. Oz didn't so much miss Dean as he was going a little batty not having pack members where he could protect them, but that was his issue, and he'd deal with it on his own. ...and possibly drive everyone nuts around him, but still. It wasn't Dean's issue, and as far as Oz was concerned, Dean didn't really need to know the extent of it.

"I don't belong there. Not anymore. I don't fit anymore. Everything's changed so much - I've changed so much. I've just got to work out what that means, who I am now. I don't want to find out I'm someone I don't like being," he said, though there wasn't the denial that there had been previously.

"You won't." Oz said, confident in that answer. "You'll find out better things than that. It'll be okay. Trust me." he said, giving Dean a little smile. "It'll all be okay. Just...take your time, work things out, then come home. You fit here with us." he said firmly. He believed that, very much so. That was clear in his tone as well.

"I want to fit with you," Dean said, meaning that very much. "I just - Marquette... I...." He took a breath and let it slowly out. "Can I stop talking now? I need to think before I talk," he said, that making sense to him entirely.

Oz nodded. "Sure." he said. He thought there was more than enough there for Dean to think over. Hopefully he wouldn't just...wake up and not remember any of this. "Think things over. You've got time." he said reassuringly. "Call whenever, if you do want to talk. Or you've always got her." he said, nodding to the dream-Thia. He figured he'd be talking to her anyways, and really, Oz didn't care who he was talking to so long as he did.

"Always, always - alwaysalways," Dean agreed, to both statements there, relaxing back a little more, his face looking more peaceful now that he wasn't dealing with things he found too hard.

"You ready to go?" Billy asked Oz, quietly, wondering if Oz regretted coming - it had hardly been a reassuring experience, after all.

Oz looked back over at his friend, and after looking back at Dean for another moment, he nodded. Yeah, he was ready to go. And he was still probably going to hate himself when he woke up. But it had needed to be done. He stood, and spoke to Billy, even if his eyes were still on Dean. "....is he going to remember?" he asked.

"I don't know," Billy admitted as they left Dean behind. "Maybe, maybe not - possibly he'll remember snatches, or maybe get the general gist without remembering any of the details. Everyone's unique. He doesn't remember any of the other times I've been in his dreams," Billy admitted. Dean still seemed to be completely oblivious to the reasons behind Billy's knowing looks for him and Thia. "I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be more lucid - some people just dream like that. There's little I can do about it."

Oz shook his head. "Not your fault." he said. "Thanks for taking me along anyways." he said with a sigh. Then he looked back at Billy more seriously. "Did you find out what you wanted to know?" he asked, knowing Billy had his own reasons for the visit to the kids.

"Not really," Billy admitted. "But that's okay - I just want to keep an eye on the situation. And Thia's not going to be happy until Dean's okay. And, like you said, that's going to take time. So, I'll just... continue to watch. Are you going to want to do this again, or has tonight been enough for you?" he asked as he stepped them back into Oz' dream.

Oz felt better back in his own dream, where the wolf was back, automatically by his side, looking up at Billy. He quirked a half smile. "You know me. I'm having a hard enough time just sitting here with them so far away. I'll want to come again." he said. "Even if it's sitting through shit like that." He shook his head. "...though at this point I feel like I need a drink." He hadn't liked that one little bit. Worth it, hopefully, but still.

"I'm gonna be burned all day, and Maddie's opening her business tomorrow, so I need to try and be conscious for that, but if you wanted to come round tomorrow - tonight, even-" Billy corrected, figuring it was well after midnight by now. "-I've got some beers in... Maddie would love to see you, Sophie as well, of course."

"We'll be by." Oz said. "Can't let the opening of her store go by without that." Oz said. "But go. You really are going to have your ass kicked for today. I'll see you later. Thanks again. We can talk more about it when we're both conscious." And now it was just left to hoping that Dean took something away from the experience, that he didn't just...wake up and not remember a damn thing, and none of it even slipped in under the radar into his subconscious.